Family showers & sibling baths: what age is "too old"?

[Alaska Mom]

In your opinion or experience:

 

1. What age is "too old" to shower with mom or dad?

 

2. What age is "too old" for opposite-sex sibling baths together?

 

3. When do kids start showering on their own and/or shampooing own hair w/o help?

[asta]

I think it depends entirely on your culture.

 

My son grew up in Europe. His views on nudity/nudity in the family unit are quite different than those of his American friends.

 

 

asta

[Peela]

I feel that is so unique to each family. We don't have a modesty gene here, although dd14 seems to have inherited one from somewhere- not her dad or I.

There is no magic age. Ds12 found it a real challenge to turn on the shower until he was about 11- so he would jump in the shower as I got out. I would wash his hair until about age 11 too, and often that was easier to do while I was still in there! He still walks in on me while I am in the shower, to talk to me. I guess he has me cornered!

Dd14 is very private. Locks the bathroom door.

Both shared a bedroom until dd was 12, ds was 10 or so. Both shared a bed, actually, until they were about 6.

Although ds happily wanders in and out of the bathroom- there is no wierd vibe, no wandering eyes- its perfectly natural to him and us as a family. I can imagine if there was a wierd vibe, or if the child was staring at my chest, it might be different. If it feels icky or a little off, don't do it. If its natural in your family, I wouldnt make a deal out of it at all.

[tibbyl]

In your opinion or experience:

 

1. What age is "too old" to shower with mom or dad?

 

2. What age is "too old" for opposite-sex sibling baths together?

 

3. When do kids start showering on their own and/or shampooing own hair w/o help?

 

 

1 & 2 - When either the parent or child is uncomfortable with situation.

 

3 When they are capable of adequately completing the task.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I don't know about showering adults with kids. I would assume about the same time as they decide they are ready for some privacy and don't wish to bathe with younger sibling anymore. In my home, that was 9-ish and 6ish (younger one has always been more modest; I believe it was he that made the break). Honestly, I wasn't happy with my kids' shampooing ability for a LONG time. The only way around that was the occasional time I'd do it in the sink.

[kewb]

1. For our family the age was when someone felt umcomfortable with it. Dh was uncomfortable showering with dd when she was very little. My two will still shower together on occasion but they wear bathing suits for modesty.

 

2. DS was capable of shampooing at an earlier age than dd because he likes to keep his hair short. DD really mastered rinsing everything out of her hair this past year and she is 8.

[HRAAB]

I'm with the others: when either the child or parent is uncomfortable with the situation. Our girls showered with us (mom or dad) for quite awhile; it was much easier for me since I needed to shampoo their hair. I don't remember when they quit taking showers with dad - 3 to 5 yrs maybe. My youngest are 8, and I still shampoo their hair but otherwise they bathe by themselves. No showers - water all over the place.

 

I think this is just personal for each family. I'm sure I have friends who would be very offended by what we've done, but it's really no one's concern except ours. Do what is comfortable for you.

 

Janet

[WyoSylvia]

Previously, I would have thought that there was an age that it should be discontinued; I have always believed in modesty. My sister is also quite modest but has acquired the same attitude as Peela about bathing and I think that is one of the reasons that her kids have such a mature attitude toward the human body. Her sons are 15 and 13 and they are some of the most amazing kids I know. They walk into her shower if they need to or just hop in after and it just plain doesn't matter to them, they don't even notice her.

[Holly IN]

In your opinion or experience:

 

1. What age is "too old" to shower with mom or dad? Never! We have never showered with our kids. Not even when our children were babies.

 

2. What age is "too old" for opposite-sex sibling baths together? We stopped at 2 years of age.

 

3. When do kids start showering on their own and/or shampooing own hair w/o help? My boys did their hair on their own when they were 8 years old. My dd however is 9 and she needs my help. She also has autism so my help is essential.

 

My response is in green.

 

Holly

[elegantlion]

I don't think I ever bathed with my ds. I would put him in the tub when he was little and shower when he was napping or dh was home. Ds and Dh still shower together on occasion. It's water conservation as ds will shower for 20 minutes if left to his own devices.

[cillakat]

My kids (both girls) regularly see me in the shower. It's no big deal. Dad got uncomfortable with them walking in on him when they were about 5 so he's more private generally speaking.

 

They sometimes bathe together but for the sake of water conservation, showers are the standard now so it's mostly solo for that reason alone.

 

The 9.5 yo can sometimes handle her own shower routine, but at least half the time I am called to help. The 7.5 yo needs my help almost every time.

 

I have a very open attitude regarding 'personal care' when it comes to letting my girls see what I do......they know about periods and how to manage them, tampons, menstrual cups, pads etc....

 

Katherine

[Pink Fairy]

After age 3 we don't do opposite sex parent or sibling showers. After age 5 you shouldn't walk in on anyone in the bathroom or getting dressed.

 

I grew up in a very "free" environment, my parents were very comfortable walking around nude my entire growing up. It didn't bother me too much, except that I thought it was kind of gross when they sat on the couch. :ack2: My dh's family was the opposite--not unhealthy, but more modest. I have to say I think his family had the better way, but I had to work on my own modesty in the beginning. It didn't come naturally.

[HRAAB]

I grew up in a very "free" environment, my parents were very comfortable walking around nude my entire growing up. It didn't bother me too much, except that I thought it was kind of gross when they sat on the couch. :ack2: My dh's family was the opposite--not unhealthy, but more modest. I have to say I think his family had the better way, but I had to work on my own modesty in the beginning. It didn't come naturally.

 

Oh my! That is way beyond anything I would be comfortable with. Every time I think I might be slightly on the 'open or free' side, I realize fairly quickly I'm pretty conservative.

 

Janet

[Erica in PA]

In your opinion or experience:

 

1. What age is "too old" to shower with mom or dad?

 

2. What age is "too old" for opposite-sex sibling baths together?

 

3. When do kids start showering on their own and/or shampooing own hair w/o help?

 

We *never* showered with any of our kids. Full adult nudity in close proximity with a child never would have felt comfortable to me.

 

I'm much more comfortable with children being undressed together. My ds and dd took baths together until he was 7 and she was 5, and even then we only ended it because ds started to want to take showers, because they were quicker. My dd soon followed him because baths weren't much fun on her own, so she was shampooing her own hair without help at age 5.

[Parrothead]

Dd and I will still shower together about once a month. There are some days that getting her into the shower with me is the only time she has bathed in week. Gone are the days when she thought bathing was fun. I am happily looking forward to the teen years when she insists on taking a shower daily.

 

Dh on the other had has never been comfortable being naked around dd. I tried a couple of times when she was tiny to get him to taker her in the shower with him, but he didn't like doing it.

[Kay in Cal]

My boys still bathe together (ages 6 and 4), and they don't seem to mind. We don't usually shower together, but I have hopped in with them when there were major dirt issues. They walk in on me in the bathroom all the time, and it doesn't bother me from a modesty standpoint.

 

Now, when I want some alone time, I may use the bathroom as an excuse and lock the door...

 

My family was very comfortable walking around naked. It never bothered me, until I was about 11 and my dad's girlfriend at the time (my parents were divorced, and he had not yet remarried) made some snide comment about how inappropriate it was. For some reason it really hit me, and I spent the rest of my teen years with some serious body shame issues. Living in Norway helped--all my girl friends stripped down to panties to sunbathe, even those with less than "perfect" bodies, and I admired thier lack of self-conciousness.

 

I hope my boys grow up more content and confident in their own skins, and don't see all human anatomy as over-sexualized.

[Pink Fairy]

Oh my! That is way beyond anything I would be comfortable with. Every time I think I might be slightly on the 'open or free' side, I realize fairly quickly I'm pretty conservative.

 

Janet

 

Yeah, I look back and ask myself "What the heck were they thinking?!" :blink: Out of justice I should add that my parents have changed tremendously since then. My upbringing wasn't traditional in many ways, and my parents regret a lot of what passed for normal in our house, not just inappropriate nudity. They were definitely flower children of the 60's. :rolleyes:

[Scarlett]

I showered occassionly with ds until he was around 3. Once he became interested in my body parts I stopped. Dh and ds still showered some together for a few more years...now ds is so big it is just not practical. Ds, 8 now, still walks in on me while I'm using the potty...but I insist on privacy when I am totally nude.

[Heather in Neverland]

In your opinion or experience:

 

1. What age is "too old" to shower with mom or dad?

 

2. What age is "too old" for opposite-sex sibling baths together?

 

3. When do kids start showering on their own and/or shampooing own hair w/o help?

 

1. About age 3

2. same

3. my ds has been handling his own shower routine since about age 8 or 9

[jamnkats]

In your opinion or experience:

 

1. What age is "too old" to shower with mom or dad?

 

2. What age is "too old" for opposite-sex sibling baths together?

 

3. When do kids start showering on their own and/or shampooing own hair w/o help?

 

I have found my kids have all been able to identify and request the modesty they require. I still shower with my 7yo daughter and am occasionally naked around my 9yo, 12yo and 14yo's (getting dressed or undressed) and the 12yo had a period of time that he didn't want me naked. He was uncomfortable with it. I can't remember exactly how long it lasted (a year?) but he is now comfortable again.

 

We are all very respectful of each others feeling and needs and rules haven't been necessary to enforce any "no bathing" or "no nudity".

[LaxMom]

Oh my! That is way beyond anything I would be comfortable with. Every time I think I might be slightly on the 'open or free' side, I realize fairly quickly I'm pretty conservative.

 

Janet

 

You know, I was thinking the same thing - or, at least, feeling like I'm more conservative than I think I am...

 

My kids could certainly shower with me if there was a need (the boys are 4) but I'm usually using the time to hide from them (it occurs to me that I haven't gone to the bathroom without some child in there or talking through the door in nearly 20 years... ugh). They've never showered regularly with my husband, but I think that's more fear of convenient "handholds" for short people who slip than a modesty concern, though.

 

My youngest three - dd7, dss4 - take baths together... is that weird? I wash them all, too, since they seem to not really get clean if left to their own devices.

 

My ex husband used to sit on the couch naked and it skeeved me out. Maybe it's a context thing. Naked-bum-on-the-couch seems yucky to me. Naked-in-the-tub - or in the process of getting changed - seems normal.

[Psuruns10]

1. What age is "too old" to shower with mom or dad?

Depends on the context and situation.  I think on a normal shower it should be finished by the age of 7-9.  That being said like it a hurry on vacation at the beach or camping we may have showered with them  longer (if everyone is comfortable).  OUr pool as open communal showers from the '70s so we will still shower together after a morning swim together in the same locker room if that counts.  

2. What age is "too old" for opposite-sex sibling baths together?

when they are uncomfortable 6-8 range

3. When do kids start showering on their own and/or shampooing own hair w/o help?

 

depends on age. maturity, and hair type.  My one daughter I will still shower with because she has super curly hair and its helpful once a week wash it.

[Jean in Newcastle]

13 year old zombie thread!!!