klmama Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 I'm getting older (read: TIRED), and I'm reevaluating our time commitments. I've already committed to help this year with a very time-consuming and somewhat stressful activity which in past years my dc has loved. This year, it sounds like dc wants to do it to see friends, but isn't as interested in the actual activity. If we quit, though, both dc and I will lose regular access to many of our friends, as otherwise our schedules do. not. match. Also, quitting would leave some of those friends scrambling to fill my role at the last minute, and I don't think that's fair to them. We have to decide in the next week. If you've quit a major time commitment that allowed you to see your friends regularly, were you able to find ways to connect with them elsewhere? How? Did you regret your choice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 I probably would not quit. Friends are important and I can't believe how much trouble we have getting together with friends with different schedules. Power through and find other ways to reduce your workload. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 Well I didn't quit anything but I really do miss my actual connection with friends who are either still homeschooling or who also have graduated children and are no longer homeschooling but the activities I would meet them at were my dd's and she is a junior in college. So from my perspective, I would not quit. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 At the end of this past school year I quit several major activities. It feels *great* even though I won't see my friends as much as before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 I can relate. I'm 50, and I've been dreading the start of a couple of activities. I still want to do them, but worry that I'll get overwhelmed. Based on the facts you provided, I would not quit, but try to scale back your commitment within the activity. Just maybe drop 25% of what you used to do, if that is possible. Or attend fewer of the meetings, i.e., drop your dc off and go read a book. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 I wanted to add that I am tired too. I am so glad these boys of mine can do so much on their own. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom25girls Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 Hugs (and tired here too!). I'm 53 and on the verge of starting my 20th year homeschooling. Over the past few years, I've really scaled back on our outside commitments (sans an activity which requires 24 hours a week from two of my children who can drive themselves). While I've found it freeing to have more time, I've also found it very isolating. Sending hugs and well wishes that you find a good balance that works for you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 I'm getting older (read: TIRED), and I'm reevaluating our time commitments. I've already committed to help this year with a very time-consuming and somewhat stressful activity which in past years my dc has loved. This year, it sounds like dc wants to do it to see friends, but isn't as interested in the actual activity. If we quit, though, both dc and I will lose regular access to many of our friends, as otherwise our schedules do. not. match. Also, quitting would leave some of those friends scrambling to fill my role at the last minute, and I don't think that's fair to them. We have to decide in the next week. If you've quit a major time commitment that allowed you to see your friends regularly, were you able to find ways to connect with them elsewhere? How? Did you regret your choice? I was 47 when SweetChild quit a MASSIVELY involved group at the beginning of her senior year. Of the "friends" of mine, really only one I'm still in touch with, another I'm glad to see when we do but he's a single dad and so don't make plans to get together- his child also quit the organization. Others I (mostly) enjoy a chat with if I run into them somewhere, but I don't miss them. Her friends, she is still very close with one, occasionally in contact with a few others outside of another group they were all involved in, and the vast majority of the rest- she does not miss, but has a nice time if she's out and runs into them. And this organization was literally our life for four years. It had more to do with no longer being a good fit, or a positive experience, or worth the commitment, not just because I got old, LOL! Dang it, when she could finally drive herself to all of the 3-4 weekly events she quit. No regrets. The few true worthwhile friends are still friends, and it's actually more fun to get together just for fun and just us rather than in bits and scraps around the group events. Somehow, people magically stepped up to do all of the work that DH, DD, & I did, and the group continued on... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 I lost touch with my regular-schooling friends when I started homeschooling and then I lost touch with my homeschooling friends when we were done homeschooling. Mercifully, I have had people from both groups maintain 1:1 fridndships with me over lunches/dinners. I'm so thankful for this continuity. Now I am losing touch with my friends who have become grandparents. It's always something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 Is there any way that you could visit the activity from time to time to see the people there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 Don't use your age as an excuse, because it doesn't have to be. And if you start doing that at 50, what will you have left when you're 70 and 80? If you are not as excited any more and want to try new things, that sounds a lot more energizing. You have a life, too, and if you're ready to move on and invest in other activities and people, go for it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted August 9, 2017 Author Share Posted August 9, 2017 LOL! Wintermom, I'm not trying to use my age as an excuse, although I can see why it came across that way. Thanks for the encouragement to try new things. In mentioning age, I was just looking for input from others with similar life experience. Judging from most of the posts above, that was an accurate expectation. Thanks, everyone! I talked it over with dh and dc again, and we decided to stick it out this year and reevaluate for next. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 (edited) I figure you're old enough to know that you're never going to get this year back. Looking *back* at your journey thus far might be a better indicator on what experiences you want to savor this upcoming year. I saw you already posted you made the commitment, so that's good :) Edited August 9, 2017 by Tohru Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 These transitions have happened several times in our lives. My kids are 17 and 20. I find we end up seeing those friends less and sporadically, but the hole is filled with whatever new group we see regularly at our new activity. The fear of what might happen if we make a change is almost always worse than the changes we actually experience. Life is too short to do an activity out of guilt. I can see the value of finishing a season, but I wouldn't start a new one if nobody was that excited about it. Also, it's a real bummer to do an activity with someone who isn't really into that activity and just came to socialize. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ivey Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 I would not drop an activity that provides such great social experiences unless the child hated the actual activity, or wanted to replace it with another activity with social opportunities. Ds14 has recently decided to quit an activity that has been a big part of his life for the last few years, and where he made most of his closest friends. BUT, he is quitting this activity (cheerleading) so that he can devote more time to other passions/activities (theatre, music, and dance). I am not worried about him missing his friends from cheerleading, because he's old enough to keep in touch with them if he chooses to, and he'll have the opportunity to make lots of new friends in theatre. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted August 9, 2017 Author Share Posted August 9, 2017 (edited) These transitions have happened several times in our lives. My kids are 17 and 20. I find we end up seeing those friends less and sporadically, but the hole is filled with whatever new group we see regularly at our new activity. The fear of what might happen if we make a change is almost always worse than the changes we actually experience. Life is too short to do an activity out of guilt. I can see the value of finishing a season, but I wouldn't start a new one if nobody was that excited about it. Also, it's a real bummer to do an activity with someone who isn't really into that activity and just came to socialize. Actually, dc is one of the hardest working and most advanced people at this activity, where most of the kids ARE there just to socialize. That's part of why dc isn't really that into this any more. There are aspects of it that are fun, and dc's friends are there, but it's not building dc's skills anymore. Thanks for the reminder about fear of change being worse than the actual change. Edited August 9, 2017 by klmama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HollyDay Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 can you quit or cut back on anything else? Any home chores or other work you can quit so you can continue this activity? Would the stress of quitting be greater than the stress of staying? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 Depends upon the age of the child. For teenagers, I wouldn't quit. It is super hard to find time in the schedule to get together - with dual credit, theater, community service, etc, etc. And when you aren't at one of the major 'things' (classes, club meetings, whatever), you seem to fall out of the group. For younger kids- they seem to find it easier to get together, so I would seriously consider it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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