plain jane Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 We moved this earlier this year and while it wasn't much of a downsize in square footage our new space has a much different lay out. For one, our school area is much smaller and we now have a basement so our oldest has a room down there. It's a nice, newly renovated space. She needs a quiet space to work and do her online classes but I don't want her holed up in her room in the basement. The school area can get a bit loud with all the littles and since our master bedroom has a "sitting area" I turned that into a study spot for her. It has a huge window, a nice desk and shelving that I put in just for her and her laptop. I only use my bedroom to sleep so I'm rarely in there although the room itself is not completely "out of the way." At first dd used it a lot but lately she has completely stopped. Instead, she works at the dining table, at the kitchen island, on the couch with the laptop on her lap, etc. This is driving me nuts. For one, her laptop is a year old and the battery isn't great on it so she has to keep it plugged in. This means cords run across my kitchen floor (no plug in on island), cords across the dining room, cords across the living room. For one, I don't like the tripping hazard this creates. She often doesn't wipe the workspace down and results in the laptop Being placed on uncleaned surfaces- dried soup, crumbs, etc. I can't put food out with her at the dining table lest a little kid spill their drink (all the time!) and trying to get her to clear up for a meal results in her dumping her stuff in random places. Often she will leave the laptop on the floor in the corner of the dining room, which I don't like although she sees no problem with doing this. If she's in the living room she leaves her laptop on the couch or on the floor and this is unacceptable with little kids around. Plus I don't like how she's always carrying it around the house as she can be ... clumsy at times. She does have some processing issues and I'm finding that the past couple of years she's not very conscientious about stuff in general. She seems to lack an awareness on how to properly care for things- everything from her own clothes and laundry to her computer to her cell phone. I'm trying to teach her good study habits and I think having a space to work is part of this. I know she's 15 and wants some autonomy and say over things. Am I being unreasonable in wanting her to work at the desk I set up for her? She does sometimes use the table in the school room and that is totally great with me but IMO the other locations are not. She claimed she doesn't like my room because she likes to be where we are but I don't think it's reasonable to expect everyone to be quiet and I can't run any appliances in the kitchen because she's on a class. We need to get her a new computer and I'm now leaning towards an iMac vs a MacBook just to force her to stay in one place. Lol I'll admit that lately I'm exhausted so my annoyance might be stemming from that. Would you just let your teen work all over the house? Am I being unreasonable? What do you suggest? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngieC Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I would not tell my child who wanted to be around the family that she coud not be. However, I would not keep the environment intentionally quiet for her, either. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I was like your dd in terms of liking to be around the family while I studied. I actually focuses better when I wasn't in a quiet room by myself. That would get me to start losing focus immediately. But I also had to learn to work with my surroundings so it was helpful for everyone. So if I was watching an online class I had headphones on so I could hwar and others could be loud. If mom needed the dining room table I would either move to one end of the table and not be near the eating or I'd move to a more convenient location. I'm sure I left a mess, we all did, but I was the youngest so worryingavout young siblings breaking stuff wasn't a problem. I personally would have never used a designated study area like you've set up for your dd. But I would have been willing to help make it easier for everyone by cleaning up my area when need be. So maybe you can help her work on being respectful of what other people need for communal areas in the house. Work with her to find a solution that helps you and her. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I guess the solution is to set up a work space for her in the area where everyone is. Headphones should take care of the noise issue, so no one has to be quiet for her. Allow her to be with everyone, but only in the space you have created for her. No dangerous cords as tripping hazards. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I think it sounds unnecessarily controlling to try and make her do her school just where you pick. I think rules about keeping the laptop clean is reasonable. I think she should know not to expect quiet, keep the laptop clean and work to keep her cords out of the way, otherwise I think she can work where she wants (unless it is physically in someone else's way). 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I think it is reasonable to expect her to do an online class in a separate area so that you may continue with daily activities and not have to be quiet. I also think it is reasonable for her to want to be near the rest of the family at other times. Can you choose one acceptable spot, run an extension cord and tape it to the floor (or up a wall and over a doorway or whatever) where she can plug in as needed and make one safe spot to stash the laptop? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Make sure that everyone cleans up the tables after eating. I would let her study where she likes. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 (edited) nm Edited November 30, 2016 by cathey 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plain jane Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 I think it sounds unnecessarily controlling to try and make her do her school just where you pick. I think rules about keeping the laptop clean is reasonable. I think she should know not to expect quiet, keep the laptop clean and work to keep her cords out of the way, otherwise I think she can work where she wants (unless it is physically in someone else's way). And I don't want to be controlling! It makes me cringe when I see she's moved the laptop to the floor to make room for lunch or when the little kids trip over her cord for the 20th time. I can't afford to keep replacing things that she has broken. :) I have made suggestions for other locations that she can work but I think it's part of the age that makes her not want to work where I recommend. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plain jane Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 Make sure that everyone cleans up the tables after eating. I would let her study where she likes. I do strive for this. Most days I'm successful but not always. I have little kids who snack a lot so there always seems to be some food out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I'd institute a "no meals until your laptop is in a safe and appropriate location" rule. She is absolutely old enough to take care of her things all by herself. I wouldn't force her into a separate room, but I wouldn't let her have complete freedom of location either, based upon your description of the situation. If she is in a class where she needs to be heard by the instructor, then she should really not be in a busy environment, for the sake of her classmates as well as her own learning. If it is just a matter of listening to lectures, then I wouldn't have a problem with asking her to use headphones. The cords across the room thing isn't safe. She needs to either sit at a chair or table close to the wall. No arguments. Broken ankles and laptops are not something want to be forced to deal with. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggie96 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 (edited) I don't necessarily agree with the first responses. At 15, she is old enough to understand the monetary and convenience value of the tool (laptop) she is using. It should be used with care. If being in a group does not deter her class performance, then I think headphones in a designated area with the rest of the family is reasonable. Based on what you listed, I guess that would be school room or couch. We have a "no electronics on any kitchen/dining surface" rule anyhow. No exceptions. Ipad, laptops, phones, chargers, cameras...all of it. Too expensive to replace. Too important to lose, too great impact on school and work. I would find a couple of places in group setting that cord could safely be run and also offer the master bedroom nook. Three locations is very reasonable in my opinion. Every school, job, and even my own house (self employed, home office) has had one designated work space. Barring any inability to sit still (etc etc), you are not asking too much. Edited October 31, 2016 by aggie96 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 If she can't remember the rule about not trailing long cords through walkways, you could tether the laptop to a workspace that is within the shared areas of the house. She'll be less lonely, but there will be no tripping hazards. Then she could do the sprawling thing with her non-computer courses, if she wanted to move around the house like everybody else while studying. If spilled food everywhere bothers you, you don't have to let your younger children graze and make food messes all day. They can have frequent snacks, if that's what you think they need. But you could designate the snack times, properly set out the snack and clear up afterward, just as you do for meals. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I would & do & did let my teens work all over the houses. Cords, extension cords, laptops, tablets, phones all over are our norm. We tend to buy quality but not overly expensive electronics so while we try to take care of them, we also are not hyper vigilant about them. I have a laptop semi permanently on the floor now as I use it to stream to the big tv. The dogs walk on it once in a while & load up completely weird things.... DD also got noise cancelling headphones because she preferred to work in the main area (large open floor plan) than in a separate room. I'd let this go. Fwiw, having long extension cords is often safer for both legs & laptop jacks because there isn't as much tension on the cords when an ankle gets caught in them. So I'd consider getting more & longer & brighter extension cords..... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Yes, I think it is unreasonable to designated a study space for a person in your household. Since you have so much anxiety about the laptop, is a tablet an option? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Can your daughter afford to buy a new computer battery? My feeling is that if she's gravitating towards where her family is to do her work, that addresses some need for her, even if she doesn't recognize that need yet. Maybe you two can brainstorm together what she gets out of it. Is it background noise? Company? Visual movement to help her focus and concentrate? Distractions to help her avoid what she should be doing? When you can identify the purpose, you might find alternatives that work for her, you, and the rest of the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Maybe at least make her choose table or island, and tell the little kids that snacks must happen at the OTHER location! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I think it's kind of refreshing that a 15 year old wants to be with the family. I would be inclined to mix things up. Classes where she has to hear and be heard, she needs to be in your room. Homework, writing, literature, math, computer or not, she can be with everyone else, but not with the computer cord hooked up. She can come in with a freshly charged battery, clean the spot at the table to put the computer on, and leave when the battery needs recharging or when you're serving a snack or meal. You might consider getting her a lap desk to elevate her laptop above the table surface--it would be safer from spills that way, and probably the screen would be at a more ergonomic height also. She would need a wireless keyboard for that. I think that would be WEP anyway, especially if you get her a split keyboard that keeps her arms in a more straight position. In the long run those would be excellent for her health regardless of where she uses them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I would let her work in the same area as everyone else....but she needs to be responsible for keeping her computer and materials neat and orderly and not create a trip hazard. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 The master bedroom should be *your* refuge - a place no kids are allowed to mess up. Find her another spot. Set up a portable table next to an outlet. No food next to the laptop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 (edited) The master bedroom should be *your* refuge - a place no kids are allowed to mess up. Find her another spot. Set up a portable table next to an outlet. No food next to the laptop.This is not a universal priority... If OP wants it to be her refuge, that's great of course. But why tell someone else how they *should* set up and use their own living space? Edited October 31, 2016 by maize 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 The master bedroom should be *your* refuge - a place no kids are allowed to mess up. Find her another spot. Set up a portable table next to an outlet. No food next to the laptop. This isn't true for everyone and OP mentioned that she doesn't do anything but sleep in her master bedroom so having a study area in there is fine with her. I personally don't care about my bedroom other then sleeping in and enjoying some TeA with dh. If those 2 things aren't happening it can be used anyway anyone else would like. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.