Two teen boys

[Annie G]

You've had lots of good advice to mull over!

 

I'd be buying 'ice cream bowls' for everyone. Small ones. Because it doesn't matter if your son or dh are in a healthy weight range...eating ice cream most nights or eating large bowls isn't healthy. You kind of sound as if overeating is only a problem if the person is overweight. Not so.  A serving of meatloaf is fine, but not many people really need the quantity your guys put away.  

 

Stepson clearly wants to lose weight and wants to be a chef. So yay- help him learn to cook healthy meals, and that will include portion control because recipes state how many servings are in them. Like the poster above mentioned- Jamie Oliver is a great start.  

 

Finding a way for stepson to be more active is great- bike rides with his dad, etc. Would he enjoy a fitbit or some other tracker to encourage him to be more active?  

 

Being honest here- it bothers me that you are defending your son's ice cream love even though you know it's a weakness for your stepson.   Nobody is saying ds can't have ice cream but maybe limit it or give ds a gift card to a local ice cream place so he can have it outside the house.

 

Your stepson is struggling- his life is going through big changes and he needs some gentle support.  His weight was added gradually over years of poor diet and maybe little exercise.  Don't focus on 50 or 60 pounds. Help him set  short term goals- exercise a certain number of times a week, or cook a certain number of healthy meals this week. Tiny goals he can celebrate. 10 pounds of weight lost.  

[Annie G]

Things that worked for us (By worked I mean 10 years later it's still working)  They might not work for you but might spark some ideas for you. 

 

smaller plates

putting away intentional leftovers before even calling the family to dinner (like half a meatloaf or enough taco meat for taco pie the next night)

drinking only water at meals

meal planning- (someone losing weight might be served a light lunch if that night's dinner is a splurge meal. So give them something to look forward to!)

dessert only occasionally and then try for individual desserts.  (Don't make 24 cupcakes, but maybe do mug cakes for everyone)

snacks that are portion controlled.  Individual bags of chips, a piece of fruit,  etc.

Dinners that include at least one 'eat as much as you want' item. Green beans, salad, broccoli, etc.  

No late night eating. We actually don't eat anything after dinner, which is around 6.   Previously our kids snacked before bedtime but now they just don't. They are adults and can choose to if they want, but they just don't.  It was a habit we broke and never looked back. 

 

Hope your doc can be encouraging to stepson and that he starts down the road to healthier living.

 

[mom2samlibby]

I'd give him some more time to adjust.  He hasn't been with you very long, has he?  There have been a lot of changes in his life this summer.  He may be eating some for comfort and the food is different than he has been eating.   At 15, he's still growing.  My almost 17 year old, eats less now than he did then.  You might find that in the next year or so, he'll start eating less.  

 

I'd start with consistent exercise.  

 

I'd also be very careful with your comments.  Poor kid.  If eating is a comfort thing, it will backfire and he'll end up eating more.  

[Alicia64]

Your overweight step son might be using food to soothe. It might be a lifelong habit, not one he just acquired.

I had a very tough growing period and ate and ate. In retrospect it was the only way I felt "full." There was no love or care.

 

Now that I'm adult, people think I'm naturally thin, but it took me years to get out of the habit of using food badly.

 

I don't mean to be a downer, but I don't think doctors are helpful when it comes to weight. What? A lecture from the dr. will do something? Plenty of drs. have weight/food issues themselves.

 

Re learning how to deal with food might start with Weight Watchers, but only if he's open to it. I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings. I have one chunky son and he's incredibly sensitive about his weight -- my other son is a rail.

 

I would stop supplying the kitchen with ice cream and junk food just for starters, but plan to replace it: sorbet, sherbet, popcorn, angel food cake. Don't make him go cold-turkey on his comfort foods. That may be too hard for him.

 

Alley

[Scarlett]

Your overweight step son might be using food to soothe. It might be a lifelong habit, not one he just acquired.

I had a very tough growing period and ate and ate. In retrospect it was the only way I felt "full." There was no love or care.

 

Now that I'm adult, people think I'm naturally thin, but it took me years to get out of the habit of using food badly.

 

I don't mean to be a downer, but I don't think doctors are helpful when it comes to weight. What? A lecture from the dr. will do something? Plenty of drs. have weight/food issues themselves.

 

Re learning how to deal with food might start with Weight Watchers, but only if he's open to it. I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings. I have one chunky son and he's incredibly sensitive about his weight -- my other son is a rail.

 

I would stop supplying the kitchen with ice cream and junk food just for starters, but plan to replace it: sorbet, sherbet, popcorn, angel food cake. Don't make him go cold-turkey on his comfort foods. That may be too hard for him.

 

Alley

I tend to agree doctors won't be that helpful....but he needs a check up anyway and so why not let the conversation start there......he does want to lose weight....we have looked at the bmi before and he knows he is considered obese. He is a big and stocky boy so he could handle more weight than my son.....but anyway you look at it he is overweight.

 

When he was younger he used to appear to use food as comfort. It was a strange way he ate it....Dh and I noticed it but only having him 4 days a month it was difficult to address. The last 3 years he hasn't been that way....I think it is just that he is accustomed to eating a lot and it is hard to reprogram your mind and body.

 

Tonight we are having a chicken veggie pasta stir fry.....some roasted broccoli...baked beans and salad. The salad is full of really good veggies with spinach for the lettuce......

[purplejackmama]

Just be careful. I don't know if I'm reading you wrong, but I get the sense that you are blaming the 15 year old for his weight. Like, it's an ethics or morality issue. Try not to let that come out in your dealings with him. Weight is terribly hard to lose and often it comes back, even through one's best efforts. I could be wrong, but something about your writing makes me think you're aghast at his eating habits and perhaps a little disgusted by them? If I'm off, I'm sorry. I do think you've not had to deal with this before and maybe you aren't yet at the point where you can appreciate the struggle vs just seeing it as a problem of glutton.

This is exactly how I read things, too. Am I right to assume you have never had a weight problem? There are so many factors at play with weight and Calories in/calories out is a small piece of a complicated puzzle. I promise you if you never said another word the boy would still know he is overweight (obese, as you said). He struggles with it all day, everyday.

 

Good luck in adjusting to your new normal. It's hard, I remember from my childhood.

[Scarlett]

This is exactly how I read things, too. Am I right to assume you have never had a weight problem? There are so many factors at play with weight and Calories in/calories out is a small piece of a complicated puzzle. I promise you if you never said another word the boy would still know he is overweight (obese, as you said). He struggles with it all day, everyday.

 

Good luck in adjusting to your new normal. It's hard, I remember from my childhood.

I have never been overweight. I am my heaviest ever and I am still in normal range. I will add that I do have to watch my diet or I will gain. I love food and I have to really be careful. So I do sympathize.

 

I served the boys plates tonight. Then I put away most of the rest of it for leftovers. Ds16 came back asking for more.....and he even asked if I was sure there was enough for Dh ( he was still working) I told him I had dh's put away and he could have seconds from what was left in the stove. Ds15 didn't ask for more.

[Janeway]

Have you talked to him about portion control? Because YOU might not want to limit what he eats, but if you don't, his health will be at serious risk and he will have a hard time making friends and otherwise. Meaning, by not teaching him about portion control and continuing to give him so much food, you are contributing to his demise. And exercise is very important too.

[Scarlett]

Have you talked to him about portion control? Because YOU might not want to limit what he eats, but if you don't, his health will be at serious risk and he will have a hard time making friends and otherwise. Meaning, by not teaching him about portion control and continuing to give him so much food, you are contributing to his demise. And exercise is very important too.

What? Have you read this thread?

[SproutMamaK]

I have never been overweight. I am my heaviest ever and I am still in normal range. I will add that I do have to watch my diet or I will gain. I love food and I have to really be careful. So I do sympathize.

 

I served the boys plates tonight. Then I put away most of the rest of it for leftovers. Ds16 came back asking for more.....and he even asked if I was sure there was enough for Dh ( he was still working) I told him I had dh's put away and he could have seconds from what was left in the stove. Ds15 didn't ask for more.

Glad that it worked out well tonight, DS' request aside. Are there any veggies that he seems to like that you can keep readily available for snacking when he's hungry? 

 

And I probably shouldn't be reading this thread late at night, now I want meatloaf. ;)

[GoodGrief]

One thing to think about: if he is using food as a coping/soothing mechanism, he will likely need to substitute some other behavior to achieve the same calming effect. Hopefully this is something as simple as learning portion control, but certainly there is the possibility that there is more to the behavior (and some of the substitutes for overeating can be even more harmful/disturbing, as I'm sure you know.)

 

I hope you all can work through all this relatively easily and settle in as a family unit.

[Sarah CB]

He will be homeschooled but through a public charter.

 

I haven't ever heard of Jamie Oliver. I will look into that.

 

As far as keeping ice cream out of the house.....I can't see how that is fair to my son at all. It is his treat and habit of his whole life. I just can't imagine how much resentment that would cause. Sorry ds16 ds15 has come to live here and he has a weight problem so no more ice cream for you.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

How about getting them each their own carton of ice cream? Then they have a limit on how much they can eat. When their own carton is gone - that's it until the next ice cream buying day. That way your ds can still have his ice cream.

[ktgrok]

Also, if he was eating a ton of processed, low fiber food most of his life, his gut bacteria is probably out of whack. More and more they find that obesity corresponds to gut bacteria. It effects both hunger and how many calories are used out of the food. So two people could eat the same meal and one would absorb more calories, due to the type of bacteria in their gut. Putting him on a good probiotic might be a good step, on top of the healthy meals he now is getting. 

[Rosie_0801]

Also, if he was eating a ton of processed, low fiber food most of his life, his gut bacteria is probably out of whack. More and more they find that obesity corresponds to gut bacteria. It effects both hunger and how many calories are used out of the food. So two people could eat the same meal and one would absorb more calories, due to the type of bacteria in their gut. Putting him on a good probiotic might be a good step, on top of the healthy meals he now is getting. 

 

Or, since he wants to be a chef, get him DIYing the probiotics. https://www.amazon.com/Art-Fermentation--Depth-Exploration-Essential/dp/160358286X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1472253608&sr=8-1&keywords=sandor+katz

 

 

Hey. You've inspired me! I've got a whole lot of wild lettuce growing in the yard atm. I'm going to try making it into kvass. It'll probably taste like pond scum, but I won't know until I've tried it!

[Guest]

I've never made lettuce kvass, but beet kvass was quite yummy. It was a good long ferment period though!

[Rosie_0801]

I've never made lettuce kvass, but beet kvass was quite yummy. It was a good long ferment period though!

 

I read in the book I linked about lettuce kvass, thought it sounded revolting, made beet kvass and thought it would taste better if it was lettuce-y.

 

So maybe there is something to it.  :huh:

[Guest]

You'll have to try it and report back - I'm curious! Was the recipe from a particular book or site?

[8circles]

My advice is to not talk to him about his weight or eating at all unless he brings it up.  Also try to change your attitude about it because you are coming across as very judgemental about it.  

 

Ice cream for both boys or ice cream for none.  

Make/buy healthy food and encourage his love of cooking.

Tell him your proud of him just the way he is and tell him he's handsome as often as you tell your own son (assuming that you do, no biggie if you don't).

[Rosie_0801]

You'll have to try it and report back - I'm curious! Was the recipe from a particular book or site?

 

Less recipe than a mention in the book I linked a few posts above.

 

I will report back, but at the moment I'm threatening not to let myself make it if I don't do enough study to justify antsiness.

So I had better get to it.  :gnorsi:

[QueenCat]

My advice is to not talk to him about his weight or eating at all unless he brings it up. 

 

:iagree:  1000%

[Scarlett]

I made a good 5 day plan and Dh and I shopped for groceries together yesterday.

 

No junk at all. No chips, or frozen meals or cookies or ice cream. Part of that is budget....but we also bought fruit and veggies for salads......

 

I picked ds15 up from his weekend at his moms and on our almost hour trip home he told me his back is really hurting and he knows the weight is part of it. He said he needs to lose 60-70 pounds. I told him we would help him in anyway we can. I asked him if he would be interested in going to a nutritionist and he was meh about that...not for or against it. He said he will accept advice.

 

I forgot to tell him about the chef mentioned in this thread...going to do that this morning.

 

Ds16 is on a quest to gain 10 pounds....and his vo tech teacher is a body builder who stresses proper nutrition....so now ds16 is eating protein like crazy which leaves no room for ice cream. He didn't even mention ice cream last night. Lol.....I am not against ice cream and if ds16 asks for it I will buy it....but for now it is good to see him focusing on eating less sugar.

[Pronghorn]

There is a lecture series on nutrition by The Great Courses. I have not yet used it, so I can't say if it is good or no. Perhaps a chef might want to learn about nutrition.

[freesia]

Maybe make less of the whatever high-calorie item is and portion it out? Those who aren't overweight will have what they need and then anyone who wants seconds or thirds can fill up on the veggies and such without feeling singled out or deprived?

I agree. I don't have tons of advice bc I don't think I've solved this problem. My first is skinny as a rail and forgets to eat. My next 2 gain weight more easily. What seems to be working (neither are overweight at the moment).

1. Talk about only eating when you are hungry. I encourage them only to have seconds if they are hungry. They only get seconds on carbs if they've eaten their veg. I only make one serving of meat (only enough meatloaf for one serving each).

2. My dd has no control around pasta--so I make it less often (like maybe 1-2 times a month).It isn't a forbidden food, just a limited one.

3. We have PE 4-5 times a week--everyone goes for a run for 20 minutes. They also each have a casual (once a week) sport--Tae Kwon Do or climbing.

4. I talk privately with ds about making sure he eats enough--he crashes emotionally if he forgets. I encourage nuts for him for snack vs cheerios with raisins. We also have set snack times --10 and 3. Veg and Fruit, though, can be eaten any time a day (plain with no dips--dips are allowed at snack time). I discourage evening snacks bc they aren't really healthy--but I do allow them for a hungry child.

 

Ok, there are the things I am working on. It is hard for me bc on my side of the family there is 3 generations of disordered eating. I am determined to not make any child feel their food is limited compared to their sibling, but it is so hard when the bigger in stature child NEEDS more food and you see the smaller child trying to match that food and putting on pounds.

 

Oh! Also, I don't fat shame others and when one of mine says someone is fat I counter that with a message that that is okay. I also talk about how heavier people who exercise and eat well are healthier than skinny people who eat poorly and never move so we need to focus on healthy food choices (and eating a variety of food groups--not just carbs) and exercise.

[QueenCat]

Please, please remember the ages you are working with here. At 15/16, if you get super controlling about food and portions, even if they say they want the help, it can really back fire on you. Too few treats or too much control really can lead to much sneaking because they either need some control or feel deprived. They may not  even recognize they are doing it. This is first hand experience, something I've really learned from. Really had to work hard to not give too much advice (even though I was told advice was welcome/wanted)...........

[ktgrok]

If both boys are now interested in nutrition, the documentary Fed Up, on netflix, is a good one. And it specifically goes into how even thin people can be "fat on the inside" if they eat the wrong foods, etc. So a focus on health more than weight. 

[regentrude]

How much vigorous physical activity is he getting? Teenage boys need a lot; a walk around the block is not sufficient.

I'd make sure he incorporates some actual exercise into his daily schedule.

(yes, I know, some people do not believe exercise helps with weight loss, but hard training for a few hours does burn a lot of calories). Plus, it is healthy just for itself.