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Scarlett
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One year apart in age. One is thin and struggles some to keep his weight up. The other is at least 50 pounds over weight. How do you handle that in terms of food offerings and encouraging the overweight to stop eating so much.

 

The overweight is my step son who has just come to live with us. He hasn't been to a well check in years. I have scheduled him for a check up and to get him established with a doctor here. So I am hopeful the doctor will help us with this situation.

 

I find myself getting really irritated when he goes back for thirds and then gets 2 cups of ice cream before bed.

 

Does anyone else have this issue with two kids in your house? I think it would be easier if they weren't step brothers....but maybe not.

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I think I would hope that the doctor will be helpful! Can you let them know ahead of time that you are concerned about his weight and would like the doctor to address that with him? 

 

I'm sorry, this does sound like a tough situation.  I guess one thing to do might be to see if there are some nutrient dense snacks and foods that you can keep around for thin DS that maybe the overweight DSS does not really care for?  Thinking about the ice cream, maybe there is a flavor that DSS does not like much.  It likely wouldn't stop him from eating some of it (if he's anything like most young men) but his portions may be smaller. 

 

Or maybe instead of bulk food switch to individual portions?  Make comments about how you'd like these particular snacks and foods to last for a certain period of time and once they're gone they're gone.

 

 

 

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Maybe change what is in the house for him to choose from first since moderation is an issue for him? Maybe having the healthier choices now that he's with y'all and more opportunity to be active will help? Then there wouldn't be such a contested issue between the two with having to cut someone off.

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My husband was underweight most of his life until his late 20s.  He didn't eat more junk, he added a weight gainers fuel (protein drink) to his diet and he added a personal trainer.  He bulked up a bit.  He is now 50 pounds heavier, but it is the right weight for his height.   He is 175-180 now at 6' tall.  He was 130 in high school and college.

 

And as far as the step son.  I wouldn't even make comments or get irritated.  He is probably dealing with some emotional stuff that you may make worse by making comments.  Let the doctor make the comments and let your step son make the decisions.  It has to be HIS buy in, not your decision.

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We went to ice cream weekends only. dh interpreted that as eat as much ice cream as you can weekends. So, i clarifed to purchasing (or making) enough for one serving Saturday and one serving Sunday. dh was not person with the biggest weight issue. dh has an ice cream addiction issue that was interfering. 

 

In your situation, I would limit the presence of in house junk food and treats. I would increase the amount of healthy things that will help ds increase weight and keep a lot of freebie foods around (raw fruits and veggies). I think you should get a nutritionist referral to help you develop the balance that will help both boys. 

 

I'm sure this is obvious: no talking about weight, no comparing bodies. Be compassionate. So much stuff went into becoming overweight. A person cannot just shed emotional baggage that goes along with weight gain. And honestly, you can set up and model good habits and it made take a few years for it to sink in. 

 

Then I'd try to get the family involved in one regular fitness activity together (one evening a week walk, family TKD, etc). But don't call it family fitness. Try a new thing each week. Let the boys choose. If something turns out to be a favorite let the boy who likes it pursue extra time with that activity while still doing family stuff. 

 

ETA: recognize now in implementing change you will have to alter your behavior, your cooking and meal prep and that will take time at first. Mentally decide to present a good attitude about change. (I have to do this) 

Edited by Diana P.
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Is the under weight boy unhealthy, or just thin? If he is unhealthy I would make an appointment with a nutritionist specifically for him to address the issue.

 

I would also look at cutting junk food in the house. Only have it as a very occasional treat. Keep healthy, nutritionally dense snacks for both boys, and get a calorie dense nutritional shake type thing as a supplement for the under weight boy.

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So tough with teenagers and one being a step-son who has just entered the house.

 

My son started getting overweight, but he was younger and we have a very strong relationship. I just implemented a rule for us all:  one dessert a week, you choose when.  He chose to get a donut after church every Sunday.  The only exception was at birthday parties and sometimes a sliver of something at Grandma's house.  (Grandma was no help at all in any of this and caused a lot of stress on my son when he'd try to refuse her non-stop offers of junk.)  I could also flat out say, "Son, you're taking too much."  That's because I was teaching him about nutrition and he knew it and there was trust and love between us and he knew I wasn't condemning him.  The doctor said he was gaining too much weight, so we discussed what sorts of food to eat and how much.  He has lost weight as he has grown and is doing very well in making good choices now.

 

 

For an older boy, I'm not sure you can make such a pronouncement.  You'll have to start by removing any junk food from the house.  I do believe you can make a pronouncement about portions.  That can be a budgetting/leftover issue.  "This casserole has to last us for dinner tonight and lunch tomorrow."  You can always immediately put some of the food into containers in the fridge as soon as it's made so that there is no chance to go back for thirds.  You can also tell him, "Please don't take food from the fridge.  I need that for future meals.  If you want a snack, here are the options that you can grab anytime you'd like.  These have to last until I go shopping again, though." 

 

So, you can't necessarily say, "STOP eating dessert and thirds because you're getting too overweight!"  You can control what desserts he can find in the house, and you can use budgetting and meal planning as a reason to control portions.  Be sure to offer snacks that he can eat, though, so that he can fulfill the need for munchies. 

Edited by Garga
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I have that with my kids.  One overweight (50+ pounds), two normal weight, one underweight.  I guarantee that you the overweight kid knows he's overweight.  Commenting about it isn't going to change it or bring some sudden awareness where he starts losing weight, just as commenting on the thinner one's weight won't suddenly cause him to start gaining weight.

 

Offer healthful foods to both boys.  Let them choose the quantities.  Offer occasional treats as well. 

 

If he asks for help, then offer.  If not, your advice will not be viewed as welcome or helpful.  The pediatrician may send him to a pediatric endocrinologist, but really, at his age, it has to come from him.   If he expresses interest in losing weight, then encourage.  If not, I really would try to bite your tongue.  See if your local Weight Watcher's has a teen group.  If so, he can join (should he desire) with a note from his physician.  See if a local Y or gym has a weightlifting program for overweight teens.  Peer group much more effective than you telling him what to do.   If he doesn't want to lose weight, then let it go.  You do not want to add food police as a reason for him to hate you.  Encourage healthful eating for all....physical activity for all....but then leave it at that. 

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I would just keep healthier choices in the house.  We rarely have ice cream or other treats in our house and both my kids are rail thin.  They still find stuff to eat.  I do keep good cheese, yogurt, minimally processed crackers, fruits, veggies, veggie dip, hummus, peanut butter, whole grain bread, etc ... 

 

If the kids are just hanging around, I'd go on a family walk every day.  Encourage activity and model a healthy life style. 

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You're wise to get the doctor involved at the start. Any advice should come from him. Hopefully, he will be careful in his word choice and compassionate as he discusses the issue and his suggestions. (As I kid, I had a doctor make a weight-related comment that haunted me for years. It's made me very careful about what I say and don't say to my kids.) Other people have lots of good suggestions. Mine would be that maybe your DH and DSS could do some activity together that would help--bike riding, basketball, jogging, etc. Something that would give them dedicated one-on-one time but be healthy, too.

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I have had similar issues. My 14 yr old was overweight and the others not. 14 yr old had blood work and every other time, his thyroid was off. 14 yr old also has ASD which can have obesity as an issue. But, 14 yr old is very smart and he started reading books such as "eat this, not that." Also, we have him in a sport that he enjoys and can go to a lot. I would have your son try some interesting sports. Even bowling burns a lot of calories. Oh, and son loves to cook so this has been a good step in the right direction. He is learning healthy cooking which encourages healthy eating. We never do fast food or chips, etc.

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I have been buying lots of salads and lots of veggies. We don't have much junk food in the house. Ice cream is pretty much it....ds16 has had that his entire life. He is just like his dad...well not as thin as his dad was...but I have to make sure he eats or he forgets and he loses weight easily. He isn't under weight...he is 6'3 and 175. Doctor says he is just right.....ds has a lot of friends who call him too skinny etc....doctor said, don't listen to the haters, most people are overweight.

 

Dss15 is 6'1 and 268 pounds. He is built totally different and I can't see him ever being less than 200 but he is definitely at least 50 pounds over weight. He says he wants to lose 50 pounds. I encourage him. I buy fruits and veggies for him. But the problem is portion control. I made a meatloaf last night with 2 1/4 pounds of hamburger...85/15. There was a tiny slice left...like maybe half a cup. I had about half a cup.. So three men at 2 pounds of hamburger. I also had baked potatoes and green beans and bread. Every bite was gone.

 

The thing is I can't see limiting ds16 portions or not buying ice cream for him. He is a great eater over all....he prefers meat to green veggies but he will eat them when served.

 

I am hoping for a referral to a nutritionist. And increase my grocery budget.

 

 

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The food at his moms house is junk food and processed meals. Lots of fast food take out and hamburger helper. He has told his dad before that the reason he eats so much at our house is because the food is so good. He wants to be a chef....he loves to cook and try new things and he helps me in the kitchen quite a bit. I have a weight watcher cook book...so he and I can make healthy meals. But if you eat too much it doesn't matter how healthy it is.

 

 

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Meatloaf in moderation an ok meal. It should be a a little meatloaf and a lot of green beans and salad and a baked potato not slathered too much in butter.

 

 

 

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Maybe make less of the whatever high-calorie item is and portion it out? Those who aren't overweight will have what they need and then anyone who wants seconds or thirds can fill up on the veggies and such without feeling singled out or deprived?

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Will DH be able to attend the doctor's appointment instead of you? Registered dieticians are kind of a crapshoot. I saw one when pregnant with my 2nd who gave horrible advice and didn't believe that I wasn't secretly hiding in the pantry eating cookies. Many doctors and medical professionals don't. And low fat may not work for him. If you've read any of the nutrition threads on here, some people can go vegan and be super healthy, some can do low fat, some need more fat. Limited processed carbs and real food I believe is healthy for just about anyone. Tracking exactly what you're consuming is pretty eye-opening too. If he has a smart phone, an app like My Fitness Pal can do that easily. Then he will see, whoa, I just ate 6,000 calories without you saying a single word. Have a scale available if he's interested in weighing portions. 

 

When I make meatloaf, I use a 1/2 cup measure (mine is oval and looks pretty, ha) and make individual meat loaves. I make a double batch and freeze half before baking. One meatloaf is a portion (for the people in my house anyway. No teen boys yet!). If you're still hungry, have more vegetables. You could also portion the plates or the meat in the kitchen and cover the leftovers. My DH and kids love meatloaf sandwiches, so they will police themselves. ;) I try to start with a salad and have the kids eating on that while I'm finishing dinner. When my oldest is still hungry, I tell her to finish her water or unsweetened tea, and either have another helping of vegetables or give it 15 minutes. 

 

Try to switch starches--sweet potatoes or cauliflower and fewer white potatoes. Maybe ice cream needs to be limited. Buy a pint for each kid and that's it for the week. Only buy chips in small, serving size bags. Otherwise one large bag will be a serving. 

 

I'd also give it a little time. He's getting used to a new environment. And if he's not used to having delicious, homemade meals, that's a treat on top of using it as a comfort. 

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Honestly, try not to be annoyed. I promise you, he is actually hungrier than the normal weight people. It isn't that he has less control. The others don't NEED to use control, because they are full. He isn't, or can't judge when he is, for whatever reason. Obesity is a disease, and weight is the symptom. 

 

I'd limit the ice cream, or buy them different flavors, whatever. But no, you can't let the one kid who won the gene lottery have ice cream and not let the other kid have ice cream. you just can't. Either no one gets ice cream, or everyone does. No one needs ice cream. 

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I will say that I totally would not address it at all at this point, other than doing what you are doing already - keeping healthy food around and encouraging healthy eating for everyone.  It could very easily turn into a negative thing given the transition the kid is going through.  Keep it positive and up the grocery budget! 

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The food at his moms house is junk food and processed meals. Lots of fast food take out and hamburger helper. He has told his dad before that the reason he eats so much at our house is because the food is so good. He wants to be a chef....he loves to cook and try new things and he helps me in the kitchen quite a bit. I have a weight watcher cook book...so he and I can make healthy meals. But if you eat too much it doesn't matter how healthy it is.

 

 

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If he is not familiar with Jamie Oliver, you should introduce them.  :)  Not only is he a fabulous chef who writes great recipes for the home cook, but he is passionate about nutrition and teaching children and teenagers how to best feed their bodies.  

 

Is DSS going to be homeschooling?  Jamie has an e-course that I've been considering having my DS do for school.  

 

http://www.jamieshomecookingskills.com/about.php

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I will say that I totally would not address it at all at this point, other than doing what you are doing already - keeping healthy food around and encouraging healthy eating for everyone.  It could very easily turn into a negative thing given the transition the kid is going through.  Keep it positive and up the grocery budget! 

 

I agree with this. 

 

If you want to do something else work on increasing his water intake. Just try to insist he drink water 30 minutes before meals. Some studies have proven that can help with weight loss. Even if it doesn't, drinking water has other benefits. 

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He will be homeschooled but through a public charter.

 

I haven't ever heard of Jamie Oliver. I will look into that.

 

As far as keeping ice cream out of the house.....I can't see how that is fair to my son at all. It is his treat and habit of his whole life. I just can't imagine how much resentment that would cause. Sorry ds16 ds15 has come to live here and he has a weight problem so no more ice cream for you.

 

 

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Yes I am sure Dh will go to the appointment. I probably won't even be in there.

 

I think I just won't discuss it at all until the appt. that is 3 weeks away.

 

I am going to start only setting out what is reasonable for the family to consume. I really did expect half of that meatloaf to be left over for sandwiches tonight. I didn't pay attention to who ate how much....Dh said he only had one serving and that ds16 went back 4 times.....and he thinks d15 went back 3 times. I saw ds16 going back for more meatloaf before he had even taken his potato...so I made him eat the potato before more meatloaf.

 

Limiting portions for kids is a new thing for me.

 

 

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Limiting ice cream and not having it around doesn't mean your DS can't ever have it again, but sometimes family has to make sacrifices for others. Honestly I think it's a good way to teach being unselfish. I just would quit buying it. If your DS wants it bad enough he has a car and can go get himself some!

 

ETA: And I would still get it as a special treat for everyone, like pp who mentioned having it on weekends. My FIL is addicted to ice cream and he will way overeat so my MIL and BIL don't get it often because they can't keep it around. Is it fair? No, but there are lots of things in life that aren't. :-/

 

 

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Edited by BrittanyM
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He will be homeschooled but through a public charter.

 

I haven't ever heard of Jamie Oliver. I will look into that.

 

As far as keeping ice cream out of the house.....I can't see how that is fair to my son at all. It is his treat and habit of his whole life. I just can't imagine how much resentment that would cause. Sorry ds16 ds15 has come to live here and he has a weight problem so no more ice cream for you.

 

 

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That's a fair choice, but I don't think it's reasonable to allow it unlimited for one teen and not the other.  Or to say something directly about it.  My 15 year old somehow functions without ice cream on a daily basis and he's 5'9" 110 lbs. 

 

I thinking portion control/having a limit for everyone is a decent plan and laying out what is ok for snacking and what isn't.  I really don't think trying to treat him differently or trying to control his eating is going to go over well.  Cutting half a meat loaf and putting the other half away seems like a good idea.  Working with a doctor is good idea. 

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I feel for you because my step dd was taught to eat for comfort by her mother before she came to live with us, and no matter how much I limited junk food in our house she got junk food at school and at her mom's. Also, all her babysitting money went to junk food. She simply needed the junk food. She is just now (age 28) eating well and going to the gym every day. She is doing it for herself, not for a man so it's really seeming to stick this time. But she wanted to eat non stop and my other kids are very slender and needed more food than they could be fed so there was always a conflict.

 

I think that your step son needs a sport. Wrestling would be the best because the season is so long and the training is so intense and dropping weight is already part of the sport. But wresting aside, if he can't or doesn't want to participate, he needs to do some physical activity every day as part of PE. There may be a gym nearby that allows home school students to work out during the day. We had several of those in the Portland area when I lived there.

 

For a teen, limiting calories is just overwhelming. I think you need to focus on getting him moving, which will be healthier anyway.

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Your stepson just came to stay with you. That's a big change, even if he wanted it and it's a positive change.

 

You don't serve the foods he's used to.

 

In that situation, a lot of us would gravitate to what's familiar, that is, ice cream before bed. I would try not to focus on it - the kid undoubtedly knows he's overweight. Nagging isn't going to help. Putting out more vegetables at every meal and only putting out what you expect people to eat will probably help. You might also want to try using smaller plates - it seems stupid, but people really do choose their portions according to their eyes, not their stomachs! If you put food on a smaller plate, it looks like more, so they eat less.

 

As far as the ice cream goes, did you consider buying individual pints of ice cream rather than a family thing? You could say you're doing it so everybody gets their favorite flavor, and when they use up their entire pint there's no more until the next grocery run. That's what we do here, though actually in our case it IS so everybody gets their favorite flavor and I get my mint ice cream ALL FOR ME ARR.

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I would not quit buying the ice cream.  I'm surprised people are even recommending that.

 

If the other kid eats all of the original kid's ice cream, buy each one his own container for the week.  If step kid eats it all the first day, so be it.

Edited by goldberry
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Limiting ice cream and not having it around doesn't mean your DS can't ever have it again, but sometimes family has to make sacrifices for others. Honestly I think it's a good way to teach being unselfish. I just would quit buying it. If your DS wants it bad enough he has a car and can go get himself some!

 

ETA: And I would still get it as a special treat for everyone, like pp who mentioned having it on weekends. My FIL is addicted to ice cream and he will way overeat so my MIL and BIL don't get it often because they can't keep it around. Is it fair? No, but there are lots of things in life that aren't. :-/

 

 

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Well I guess if I saw ice cream as the problem I might not buy it. As a few of you guys said, losing weight for ds15 has to start with his desire to do so. I keep lots of good healthy food in the house. So he isn't faced with just junk food.

 

 

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I feel for you because my step dd was taught to eat for comfort by her mother before she came to live with us, and no matter how much I limited junk food in our house she got junk food at school and at her mom's. Also, all her babysitting money went to junk food. She simply needed the junk food. She is just now (age 28) eating well and going to the gym every day. She is doing it for herself, not for a man so it's really seeming to stick this time. But she wanted to eat non stop and my other kids are very slender and needed more food than they could be fed so there was always a conflict.

 

I think that your step son needs a sport. Wrestling would be the best because the season is so long and the training is so intense and dropping weight is already part of the sport. But wresting aside, if he can't or doesn't want to participate, he needs to do some physical activity every day as part of PE. There may be a gym nearby that allows home school students to work out during the day. We had several of those in the Portland area when I lived there.

 

For a teen, limiting calories is just overwhelming. I think you need to focus on getting him moving, which will be healthier anyway.

We live in the country......but they have bikes and I heard Dh talking to ds15 about the two of them getting some exercise that way. We also have a pool but apparently 15 and 16 year olds don't want to swim unless their friends are here.

 

 

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Dss15 is 6'1 and 268 pounds. He is built totally different and I can't see him ever being less than 200 but he is definitely at least 50 pounds over weight. He says he wants to lose 50 pounds. I encourage him. I buy fruits and veggies for him. But the problem is portion control. I made a meatloaf last night with 2 1/4 pounds of hamburger...85/15. There was a tiny slice left...like maybe half a cup. I had about half a cup.. So three men at 2 pounds of hamburger. I also had baked potatoes and green beans and bread. Every bite was gone.

 

 

 

If you are going to limit what you put on the table, as you mentioned, I would be careful.  I get the feeling from these posts and your other threads that you guys are not huge eaters, which is great.  My family isn't either.

 

But this is a big kid, and he may need more food than you are used to your family eating.  Even looking to lose weight, he can't just jump down to a tremendously lower quantity of food.  So, don't judge just by what you are used to your family consuming.

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If you can afford it, you might try a membership in a weight training gym for both boys. In my experience with my brother and his friends, plus the teen boys of my friends, once they want to get strong and pack on muscle they often adjust their own eating and start looking into nutrition, tracking protein, etc. Getting stronger and more muscular feels like a better motivation than losing weight, maybe?

 

Just trying to come at it from a different angle than straight calorie restriction and managing food.

Edited by idnib
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I would not quit buying the ice cream.  I'm surprised people are even recommending that.

 

It's the usual advice for people who want their families to eat healthier but who are stymied by the fact that somebody in the family (sometimes the poster, sometimes the kid, sometimes the spouse) has no sense of portion control and will eat whole party sized bags of chips in one sitting.

 

And usually it is good advice - only buy as many cookies or chips or candies as you think is reasonable to have between now and the next time you go shopping, then you can't overeat those things.

 

But given the unusual circumstances here I don't think it's an optimal choice.

 

One other thing I considered, Scarlett - do you have a rule that you can only eat in the kitchen/dining room, at the table, off a dish (and then you have to wash the dish afterwards)? Many people who overeat do it when watching TV or playing on the computer. If you have to actually sit at the table and do it, it's not as easy to get distracted and eat more than you intend.

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He will be homeschooled but through a public charter.

 

I haven't ever heard of Jamie Oliver. I will look into that.

 

As far as keeping ice cream out of the house.....I can't see how that is fair to my son at all. It is his treat and habit of his whole life. I just can't imagine how much resentment that would cause. Sorry ds16 ds15 has come to live here and he has a weight problem so no more ice cream for you.

 

 

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Yes, but how much resentment will there be if one boy is allowed to eat ice ream and the other can't? That's why I said, either both get it, or none. 

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Then, if it makes sense...plate everyone's dishes up for the first go around.  I always make up everyone's plates for the first go around.

 

And if you're doing this, keep the rest of the food off the table (except maybe for your big salad). You can frame it as "we don't have room for all the serving dishes", but the truth is that if you have to actually get up and go to the counter (or the kitchen, if you eat in the dining room) for your food, you'll only get seconds if you're actually hungry. You won't just get more food simply because it's there.

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We have a better than average relationship. He and I have discussed his weight often and food choices ect. I asked him if it was going to be difficult to be a chef and keep his weight down. He told me if he had say so over what is cooked he would not be over weight. He said his entire life he has been fed processed and junk food. Meaning at his moms house, not my house.

 

He is working construction with Dh right now. When school starts he will be home more and I hope we can, with doc, help come up with a plan for ds15 to lose weight.

 

The other night he had a gigantic bowl of ice cream in his hand walking to the living room. He was discussing the weather and how he hopes it is a cold winter. I said not me...just a chit chat conversation. H said, .' Do you know how much weight I could lose just sitting outside in the cold.?' I just laughed and said, "hey here is a thought....give up gigantic bowls of ice cream every night. ". He said, "shhhhh"......it was light hearted....but I am now beginning to feel a little irritated and I know I need to just chill for a few weeks so he can see doc.

 

 

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If you can afford it, you might try a membership in a weight training gym for both boys. In my experience with my brother and his friends, plus the teen boys of my friends, once they want to get strong and pack on muscle they often adjust their own eating and start looking into nutrition, tracking protein, etc. Getting stronger and more muscular feels like a better motivation than losing weight, maybe?

 

Just trying to come at it from a different angle than straight calorie restriction and managing food.

Good idea....ds16 has a weight set/bench in the shop....when it cools off a bit they could do that together.

 

 

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I just laughed and said, "hey here is a thought....give up gigantic bowls of ice cream every night. ". He said, "shhhhh"......it was light hearted....but I am now beginning to feel a little irritated and I know I need to just chill for a few weeks so he can see doc.

 

I don't want to criticize, but he's not a small child. He's nearly an adult.

 

Helping him lose weight if that's his goal is a good thing to do, and certainly, if it's unhealthy, he should see a doctor. But in the end, his choices are his choices. There's no point getting irritated over the things other people do, especially adolescents. You can't control them, not even for their own good.

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Honestly, try not to be annoyed. I promise you, he is actually hungrier than the normal weight people. It isn't that he has less control. The others don't NEED to use control, because they are full. He isn't, or can't judge when he is, for whatever reason. Obesity is a disease, and weight is the symptom. 

 

I'd limit the ice cream, or buy them different flavors, whatever. But no, you can't let the one kid who won the gene lottery have ice cream and not let the other kid have ice cream. you just can't. Either no one gets ice cream, or everyone does. No one needs ice cream. 

 

:iagree: I have one overweight child and one underweight child. The overweight child knows he's overweight. And eats more when it's pointed out to him. Making someone (child or adult) feel like they can't have more makes them want more. We buy enough ice cream for one serving per person per week.

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He will be homeschooled but through a public charter.

 

I haven't ever heard of Jamie Oliver. I will look into that.

 

As far as keeping ice cream out of the house.....I can't see how that is fair to my son at all. It is his treat and habit of his whole life. I just can't imagine how much resentment that would cause. Sorry ds16 ds15 has come to live here and he has a weight problem so no more ice cream for you.

 

 

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Then keep it in the house. But both boys get to have it when it is normally allowed to be eaten. No one made feel guilty for having it.

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The food at his moms house is junk food and processed meals. Lots of fast food take out and hamburger helper. He has told his dad before that the reason he eats so much at our house is because the food is so good. He wants to be a chef....he loves to cook and try new things and he helps me in the kitchen quite a bit. I have a weight watcher cook book...so he and I can make healthy meals. But if you eat too much it doesn't matter how healthy it is.

 

 

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Just a bit of advice from my perspective that was given to me at the start of my weight-loss journey by four separate professionals (family doctor, dietician, nutritionist, and endocronologist); "if you eat too much it doesn't matter how healthy it is" really isn't true for someone who's seriously overweight. Someone who is significantly overweight isn't going to have problems losing weight because they ate too many vegetables. But vegetables may be the ONLY thing that can be considered "healthy" for people who are essentially detoxing from a lot of food addictions. As far as a diet plan was considered, veggies (aside from carrots) were a "free" food. Being allowed to eat literally as much as I wanted to, as long as it was vegetables, made a HUGE difference when I first began losing weight. If I'd had to feel hungry, I wouldn't have made it. But knowing that if I wanted to, I could eat the peppers or cucumbers in the fridge and it would be good for me AND leave me feeling full was invaluable. 

 

One step at a time. If you need to limit portions on the unhealthy stuff, do. But if you're going to try to limit portions on EVERYTHING and leave a seriously overweight person feeling hungry all the time because you think it's good for them, you're setting them up not only to fail but to become bitter about it.

Edited by SproutMamaK
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Just be careful. I don't know if I'm reading you wrong, but I get the sense that you are blaming the 15 year old for his weight. Like, it's an ethics or morality issue. Try not to let that come out in your dealings with him. Weight is terribly hard to lose and often it comes back, even through one's best efforts. I could be wrong, but something about your writing makes me think you're aghast at his eating habits and perhaps a little disgusted by them? If I'm off, I'm sorry. I do think you've not had to deal with this before and maybe you aren't yet at the point where you can appreciate the struggle vs just seeing it as a problem of gluttony.

 

Now that you know he's young and will go back for too much food, just make sure there isn't food to go back to. Don't make a 2 pound meatloaf. Did you expect leftovers? If so, set them aside ahead of time so no one can eat it. Portion out the fattening food on the plates, but let everyone have as many veggies as they want. Teach him how much butter to use, but gently and when you're alone, "DSS, keep butter to about a teaspoon on your veggies. Butter has a lot of fat (or cholesterol or whatever is in butter) and it's bad for your heart if you get too much."

 

He's still a kid. If no one has taught him how to eat properly, then he doesn't know. Just be super compassionate and practical. I like the ideas above of having him maybe look into bulking up with muscles or studying the materials of the chef who teaches healthy eating.

Edited by Garga
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And if you're doing this, keep the rest of the food off the table (except maybe for your big salad). You can frame it as "we don't have room for all the serving dishes", but the truth is that if you have to actually get up and go to the counter (or the kitchen, if you eat in the dining room) for your food, you'll only get seconds if you're actually hungry. You won't just get more food simply because it's there.

Oh trust me none of them have any trouble getting up and walking to the kitchen for more. LOL.....

 

I should have known to put at least a third of it away for leftovers.

 

 

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We live in the country......but they have bikes and I heard Dh talking to ds15 about the two of them getting some exercise that way. We also have a pool but apparently 15 and 16 year olds don't want to swim unless their friends are here.

 

 

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Oh, if he can go bike riding with his dad everyday, that would be the best! Spending one on one time with his dad and getting exercise would be great. Bike racing is a sport a lot of people take up as adults and the racing community is very friendly and fun.

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Just be careful. I don't know if I'm reading you wrong, but I get the sense that you are blaming the 15 year old for his weight. Like, it's an ethics or morality issue. Try not to let that come out in your dealings with him. Weight is terribly hard to lose and often it comes back, even through one's best efforts. I could be wrong, but something about your writing makes me think you're aghast at his eating habits and perhaps a little disgusted by them? If I'm off, I'm sorry. I do think you've not had to deal with this before and maybe you aren't yet at the point where you can appreciate the struggle vs just seeing it as a problem of gluttony.

 

Now that you know he's young and will go back for too much food, just make sure there isn't food to go back to. Don't make a 2 pound meatloaf. Did you expect leftovers? If so, set them aside ahead of time so no one can eat it. Portion out the fattening food on the plates, but let everyone have as many veggies as they want. Teach him how much butter to use, but gently and when you're alone, "DSS, keep butter to about a teaspoon on your veggies. Butter has a lot of fat (or cholesterol or whatever is in butter) and it's bad for your heart if you get too much."

 

He's still a kid. If no one has taught him how to eat properly, then he doesn't know. Just be super compassionate and practical. I like the ideas above of having him maybe look into bulking up with muscles or studying the materials of the chef who teaches healthy eating.

There is a little judging going on. You are right though that I need more compassion and kindness.

 

 

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My children are younger than yours, but I have a 10 year old that is very, very thin and naturally muscular.  I also have an 8 year old that is naturally bigger and less muscular.  One wears slims, and one wears huskies.  

Because they are so close in age, they have very similar eating patterns and portion servings and activity levels.  And yet one is much bigger than the other.  

He's 8.  He knows it.  He wishes it wasn't so.  I don't think that much good can come out of maing it into a big deal within the family.  Except that your dss will be hungrier and more likely to sneak food.  Which is going to make you more upset than his "awful" eating habits already do.  

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He will be homeschooled but through a public charter.

 

I haven't ever heard of Jamie Oliver. I will look into that.

 

As far as keeping ice cream out of the house.....I can't see how that is fair to my son at all. It is his treat and habit of his whole life. I just can't imagine how much resentment that would cause. Sorry ds16 ds15 has come to live here and he has a weight problem so no more ice cream for you.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

Switch from bulk ice cream to single serve ice cream.  Tell them you each get four.  They still get the ice cream, but they have to learn portion control.  

 

Plus if he is coming from all processed junk food to home made food with more veggies, he may start droppin on his own as well. 

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