Have i lost my mind???

[Heather in Neverland]

Maybe it will seem that way to all of you. Hmmm...how to make this long story short? The facts:

 

1. I have two degrees in education and taught high school for 11 years.

 

2. I am now in administration in a school district for the last three years.

 

3. I have a "good" job as in good salary, good benefits, etc. DH works an opposite schedule so we can still homeschool.

 

4. I am currently working on my doctorate in educational administration.

 

So what's the problem? I hate it. I am actually against public schools in general and especially against all this standardized curriculum and testing (which is exactly what I am in charge of). I don't want to be a principal, ever. Yet, that is the degree I am working on. Why? I don't know. I guess just because it is the logical next step for me (or so everyone says).

 

The more classes I take, the more bored and miserable I am. I can handle the work load just fine (I am gifted in the area of multi-tasking). I just don't WANT to do the work. It's too fake and too boring. I can't take it.

 

So I recently did something that may seem a little crazy. It is something I have thought about doing for a while and I just finally got the courage to do it.

 

I applied and was accepted into a graduate program for Theology and Biblical Studies. It means getting another master's degree but it will be a track that leads to a PhD in Theology which is my end goal. I want to teach at the university level and I want to write about topics I care about. Including me, there are a total of TWO women in the program. I LIKE THOSE ODDS. I am all for busting through that glass ceiling!

 

And I do NOT want to be a principal and give out detention and do "lunch duty" or "bus duty" or chaperone school dances or enforce arbitrary rules or promote a secular humanistic curriculum that espouses a post-modern "truth is relative" philosophy because I think it is destroying our nation and I don't want to be a part of that. And I can't keep doing this fake, existential thing where I keep assigning meaning to things that don't really have any inherent meaning just so I don't jump off a bridge. Truly, who cares about the stupid state test anyways? Not me. I scored a perfect score on our state test when I was in high shool. Do you know how many colleges and jobs have asked me about my score on that test? ZERO. That's right. It is a fake test given for fake reasons so that the government can "prove" to the public that their tax dollars are not going to waste and justify the continued expenditure on a system that cannot be reformed (and they don't want it to be reformed anyway...they just want to be reforming it...notice the verb tense...school reform is big business and if they were ever able to actually reform it, a lot of people would be out of a job). And I go to work each day and pretend that all this stuff is really important when it isn't. It has NO eternal significance whatsoever. And I wish it didn't matter to me but it does. I wish I could just do a job, any job, and be content that I have a job. But I am not. I need to do something meaningful. If I am going to work outside the home then it needs to be worth it and not just in terms of money.

 

Whew...glad I got that off my chest. Maybe I am losing my mind.

 

So anyways, I don't really know why I am writing this except that I had to tell you all ...maybe I just needed to vent...and maybe there is someone else out there who has done this degree before and might have advice for me. Or maybe you think I am crazy...that's OK , too. Or maybe you think I am doing the right thing? Dh is all for it. He is against the degree in education and wants me to go for the theology degree.

 

Maybe losing a friend has made me a little too introspective or maybe I have always been this way. Sometimes I feel sorry for my dh for marrying someone as complicated and high-maintenance as I am.

 

OK, I am done rambling. I just wanted to tell you all my news!

[Julie in Austin]

I did a BA with teaching certificate and then I did an MA in Biblical Studies.

 

I hate the whole ps thing. I love Biblical Studies with a passion.

 

So, no, I don't think that you have lost your mind. I think you're in for a treat!

 

We should start a social group here for people who think a new OT commentary would make a lovely Christmas gift . . .

[Chris in VA]

I think that is great news! My own views of education have changed so much due to my immersion in the homeschooling world. I can't imagine now going for my doctorate in ed. Unless the setting were homeschooling, I just don't think I'd use it at all.

I even feel ambivalence about my new job as a preschool teacher--guess homeschooling has ruined me forever.

 

I think it's neat how God leads us to new places--and your dh is supportive? GREAT!! Go for it!

[anissarobert]

I don't have any advice, but I admire you for following your dream. I majored in Philosophy and everyone thought it was impractical and silly, but some people have to study the big questions. By studying what you love you will be able to make a difference.

 

Good Luck!

[Heather in Neverland]

We should start a social group here for people who think a new OT commentary would make a lovely Christmas gift . . .

 

:smilielol5: :iagree:

[Dawn E]

oooooh...how exciting. Congratulations on finding your passion and going for it. I hope that one day I'll be able to take some seminary classes myself. I took two before dd was born and LOVED them.

[Melinda in VT]

I think it's great!

 

I'd love to do something similar, but it's not that season of life for me yet.

[Chris in VA]

Don't forget, tho, that it's called a "terminal" degree because your spouse will kill you if you go for another one...:D

[Heather in Neverland]

Don't forget, tho, that it's called a "terminal" degree because your spouse will kill you if you go for another one...:D

 

:lol::lol::lol: I think he can't wait for me to do it so I will SHUT UP about it!

[Harriet Vane]

Life is too short to waste time on something you hate,

 

:hurray:

[Mom to Aly]

I think it is wonderful you are following what you want--especially if you hate what you were doing. One thing to be careful of--I did a master's, then an m phil--I assume that is what you mean, where you do your master's and are already accepted into your doctorate program? It is all linked? I started at NYU, then switched to another school, which was complicated enough, and I had to redo, retake, re-everything. They still let me keep it an m phil (part of the benefit is, I had academic fellowships at both, I didn't have to reapply)--but, & I never thought about this, because I never thought it would be a prob--your deadline is not extended. During all of this, my first child died. I did finish my phd coursework, but never finished my thesis--just didn't care enough to. By the time I woke up enough from my despair over my first daughter, I didn't have enough time to even attempt the work I would have needed to write my thesis.

 

I suppose it depends on the school, the length of thesis, etc., but if you are looking at it as an m phil, I would beware of that. Also, some colleges let me teach because I had my phd coursework, some because I had my master's plus the extra work, but most would not have with an m phil--don't ask me why--they wouldn't accept that as credentials. Another thing to be aware of.

 

I hope this goes well for you. Congratulations on a very brave step!!

[sleepy]

Wow! That is wonderful! I don't think you're crazy at all. You know what you want and you're going for it, good for you! :grouphug:

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

OK, I am done rambling. I just wanted to tell you all my news!

 

Hmmm. Sounds to me like you didn't lose your mind at all. Sounds like you found it.

[3lilreds in NC]

I think it's wonderful! Sounds to me like you finally found your purpose and you're making it happen. Good on ya, Heather!

[Nakia]

Way to go Heather! I think you are awesome! Go for it and put your heart into something that matters! :grouphug:

[Michelle in AL]

Yeah, that is wonderful! You are giving yourself a great gift, doing something you love! Life is not what it's supposed to be when you're just going through the motions, let alone doing something you don't agree with. My Female pastor tells me, "If it feels like chaos, it's not from God. The decision you have peace with in your heart is how you know that it is Him!"

Many Blessings to You,

Michelle in AL

[Zelda]

:party:

 

Sounds like a victory to me!

[Pretty in Pink]

ducking for cover so i can safely watch ya break through that darn glass ceiling. sounds like a wonderful journey you are embarking on! :)

[Heather in Neverland]

I think it is wonderful you are following what you want--especially if you hate what you were doing. One thing to be careful of--I did a master's, then an m phil--I assume that is what you mean, where you do your master's and are already accepted into your doctorate program? It is all linked? I started at NYU, then switched to another school, which was complicated enough, and I had to redo, retake, re-everything. They still let me keep it an m phil (part of the benefit is, I had academic fellowships at both, I didn't have to reapply)--but, & I never thought about this, because I never thought it would be a prob--your deadline is not extended. During all of this, my first child died. I did finish my phd coursework, but never finished my thesis--just didn't care enough to. By the time I woke up enough from my despair over my first daughter, I didn't have enough time to even attempt the work I would have needed to write my thesis.

 

I suppose it depends on the school, the length of thesis, etc., but if you are looking at it as an m phil, I would beware of that. Also, some colleges let me teach because I had my phd coursework, some because I had my master's plus the extra work, but most would not have with an m phil--don't ask me why--they wouldn't accept that as credentials. Another thing to be aware of.

 

I hope this goes well for you. Congratulations on a very brave step!!

 

Thanks for the heads up and I am really sorry to hear about your daughter. :grouphug:

[Heather in Neverland]

Hmmm. Sounds to me like you didn't lose your mind at all. Sounds like you found it.

 

Good point. :D

[Remudamom]

Go for it kid.

[mazakaal]

I think it sounds great. It takes a lot of courage to step back and re-evaluate, to change directions mid-career, and to take on a new challenge. Well done!

[Tammyla]

:grouphug:

[ChemMommy]

Follow your passion so that, when you achieve the degree, you can be proud of what you've done.

 

I lived across the street from an Education Professor.........who homeschooled his own kids! :lol: He laughed over the hypocrisy and didn't advertise that his kids were taught at home. But, he said that he would never, ever send his kids into a ps because of the ridiculous policies in place that kept teachers from teaching.

 

 

BTW, his son was almost done with a BS in math/physics before he would have graduated from high school.

[ncmomo3]

How's this for a deep response: Cool. Really cool.

I sincerely think it is fantastic that you are making this difficult shift in order not be trapped in a field that is contrary to your principles merely because the end is in sight. I am impressed.

[Donna T.]

I have a graduate degree in Religious Studies. It took me six years to get it, but I got it! I loved every minute of it. I hope you enjoy your studies! Fascinating subject.

[sadiegirl]

Congratuations on this new direction for you! My brother left a very good job/income not to mention that it fit the picture of success in the town I grew up in to become an outsider artist. He left everything that was a sign of cookie-cutter success in our world and people called him crazy!

That is when he truly became himself. (not to mention he has become quite successful!) GO FOR IT!!!!!

[Danestress]

That the other day after you asked Sarah about what her Ph.D. was in and shared a very brief bit about yourself, I thought about you. I was just cleaning my house, and I started thinking about you, and I considered writing to you and asking why on earth you would work so hard for a Ph.D. you don't even want when you would rather study theology like Sarah. I almost wrote to tell you that life is short and you should study what you love because if you really really love it, you will figure out a way to make a job of it somehow.

 

And then I thought, "maybe you live in a dream-word, Dana, and real people need to think about the direct payoff for their education." So I didn't write.

 

But now I wish I had, because I could claim credit:) I think you are doing the right thing, Heather, and I am jealous!

[Sparkle]

That sounds lovely. I think teaching is a wonderful profession, but I could never do it as a career (sounds like the reverse of what most people say about homeschooling!). You should go where your heart is and do what you think will give your life the most value. It's wonderful that your dh supports you and that you have this opportunity. What a blessing!

[Heather in Neverland]

That the other day after you asked Sarah about what her Ph.D. was in and shared a very brief bit about yourself, I thought about you. I was just cleaning my house, and I started thinking about you, and I considered writing to you and asking why on earth you would work so hard for a Ph.D. you don't even want when you would rather study theology like Sarah. I almost wrote to tell you that life is short and you should study what you love because if you really really love it, you will figure out a way to make a job of it somehow.

 

And then I thought, "maybe you live in a dream-word, Dana, and real people need to think about the direct payoff for their education." So I didn't write.

 

But now I wish I had, because I could claim credit:) I think you are doing the right thing, Heather, and I am jealous!

 

 

That is SO COOL. I wish you had written to me as I need all the courage I can get right now! ;)

[laughing lioness]

I am soo happy for you! and glad that you are charting a course that fits you and not what is expected!

I LOVE the quote in your sig block!!

Have a blast!

[Lizzie in Ma]

Good for you and perfectly appropriate considering the quote in your sig tag.

I hope it is everything you hope it will be!

[percytruffle]

Sometimes I feel sorry for my dh for marrying someone as complicated and high-maintenance as I am.

 

:D I have felt this way often!

 

I'm so glad you shared this with us. First, bravo to you for standing your moral ground and branching out into where you feel your heart is leading you. You were not gifted with the talents and abilities you have in order to hand out detention. What you are feeling is constrained in your job. You are in a position meant for a different personality type than you have and you are stagnating. Onward and upward.

 

The second reason I am thrilled that you shared this with us is the fact that I am printing off what you said about state testing and bringing it in to our guidance counselor at the small Christian school where I teach. She needs ammunition right now to combat the ever growing mind-set by the parents and the board that we must follow/do all that the local high school is doing (test wise) in order to give every advantage to our students. Hello, our primary focus is the students' spiritual needs. They seem to have forgotten that. They also seem to have forgotten that there are under 50 high school students and few teachers. They seem to have forgotten that everyone in the building is already overwhelmed with tasks and space is maxed out. You raised the points she wants to address is such a great way. Do we really need to teach to the state tests? Is that our primary goal? I don't think the parents or the board have thought about what those tests are actually in place to do. We should not become their servant. Our kids already receive a great education for such a small facility and go on to diverse college/career paths when they leave us. Your small testimony here is great ammunition for our point of view.

 

Thank you, and blessings for your path ahead. I am excited for you!

[amyable]

I think it's wonderful! I'm in a similar boat (although not working right now) - I got my MA in speech pathology, and worked in the schools before having kids. Since having my own children and homeschooling, my ideas about the appropriateness of typical school speech programs has done a complete 180 and I don't think I can ever go back (without hating it).

 

So I'm thinking of going for a MA in Library Science or something similar. Might as well do what I love! (I *would* go for some kind of theology/biblical degree but I don't know what I'd do with it - the Catholic Church frowns on female priests :lol::lol:)

 

I wish you ALL the best of luck!

[Peso]

that God has allowed you the luxury of going in this direction rather than slingin' the principal hash (so to speak) --

 

You MUST do this. To do anything less is cheating.

 

Happy studying!

 

Penny