I don't want to homeschool my daughter

[bethben]

I don't want to homeschool my daughter. I've had a pretty busy summer and the driving I will have to do next year fills me with dread. I've made my 6th grader as independent as possible and enrolled him in an online writing class. I still have to teach my daughter most things as she is in3rd grade. I just don't want to do it. Last year we had weekly battles mostly over math. I have since changed the program into something that will work better for her, but it's the stress of last year carried over into summer that is being carried into our new school year. Public school is not an option.

 

 

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[J-rap]

Would you consider all online courses, for this year?

[bethben]

I don't know of any that my daughter could take. My 15 year old has all online classes.

 

 

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[PollyOR]

:grouphug:  I've had years like that.  I'm sorry.

 

Edited to add a possible suggestion:  Math Minutes.  She does a sheet every day and you teach as needed.

Edited July 18, 2016 by PollyOR

[Hilltopmom]

Right there with you.

And the 2 littles make everything impossible here too.

 

If she doesn't have any special needs, How about something like Time4 Learning (it's a full online curriculum, animated. Pay monthly so if you don't like it, no big loss)

 

? Or k-12 online if you're in a state where it's free.

Edited July 18, 2016 by Hilltopmom

[mommymonster]

I'm sorry. I have the same feeling of dread with DS7. Love him to pieces, but he doesn't want to learn from me. He also can't do public school. I'm anxious just thinking about the upcoming year. I have no good suggestions, but lots of hugs, dark chocolate, and sympathy.  :grouphug:

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Any chance you could hire a tutor to work with her a couple of times a week?  Maybe if some of the tougher subjects funnel through someone else it could improve the situation, take the pressure off of you and keep the battles to a minimum.  In other words, the work would be done throughout the week and maybe even you could grade it (to cut down on the time and thus the cost for the tutor) but the tutor would introduce the materials, and would review what had already been done.

 

Also, if math is the biggest issue, I would definitely outsource, at least for now.  And maybe one of the reasons there are battles is because she really is struggling with certain aspects and needs to fill in some gaps.  Perhaps if someone else were to help her with that (while you get a break for a bit) it would make the future much easier?

[frugalmamatx]

:hug 

 

I'm in the same boat. 5th grade 2e dd, public school isn't an option for both academic and medical reasons. Can't put her in k12 because she wasn't in public last year. I made this year a cop-out year - all workbooks and just get it done. 

[Janeway]

I feel the same way about my 6 yr old, who is almost 7. I don't want to home school him. But in my case, I am just sending him to public school. I do not love the public school, but I don't hate it enough to keep him home at this point. But it is coming.

[SkateLeft]

The year before last was very rough for us, since my youngest has a variety of special medical and mental health issues.

 

I signed him up for Time4Learning, and told him to do a set number of activities each day. Sometimes, something would spark his interest and we'd use the lesson as a springboard to reading, watching documentaries, looking up online games, etc. It wasn't the most comprehensive curriculum choice I could have made, but it kept him making progress and he actually learned a lot. He also LOVED Brain Pop and spent hours watching those videos, so the two in combination was plenty. I would absolutely go back to T4L with no guilt, if necessary. He's headed to Mayo in August, so we might have to spend a month or so using T4L again.

 

Another option to consider might be the Homeschool Journals from the Thinking Tree. He's using one this summer. We check out a stack of books from the library, and each day, he does a few pages in his journal. I bought him a stack of new art supplies (crayons, markers, etc.) and he keeps them in a big bin on the floor next to his desk while he works. I'm pretty pleased with how well it's going.

 

My son uses Singapore Math, and I have a list of online math games that I line up for each unit. Each day, he gets to play an online math game before doing his math lesson. That seems to alleviate some of the resistance I get from him.

 

Hang in there!

 

 

Edited July 18, 2016 by ghostwheel

[Peaceful Isle]

I have that feeling with my 12 year old. Super sweet girl....we just butt heads all. the. time. with school work. It is so tiresome. I would love to have her do all online stuff, but she begged me not to! ugh 

I told her we would try and see how it goes. After one month, if we are battling again, she is doing online. 

 

My boys are great and easily work well with me. My dd 14 is all online (her choice ) with Acellus and is trying to graduate a year early. 

 

So yes, it comes down to me and my 12 year old.....

[bethben]

I think my daughter would do a veritas press online history lesson, but my 12 year old would not like that.  He doesn't like online stuff and still wants to hear me read history to him which means my daughter would be there also which ultimately means, I can't pawn off history.  I do like to read aloud to them both.  Maybe I just need to get my big girl panties on and figure out how to love this journey.

[PeterPan]

I missed the back happenings on this, but have you already eval'd to know there's not something going on?  At least in our house, when emotions are THAT STRONG, there's stuff going on.  Happened with both kids, and one had an ADHD label and the other ASD + SLDS.  I pretty much told dh I couldn't teach the ASD child without evals.  You already know this, but evals can open up a lot.

 

What's up with your 12 yo and the VP online stuff?  VP self-paced elementary is not even age-appropriate for a 12 yo.  If your dd would like it, put her in it.  Then give your 12 yo the MOH audio and have him listen to it multiple times if needed for comprehension and work through it himself.  Or does he also have some SN that need to be considered?  If it's just a matter of what he "wants," well Mom's mental health trumps what kids want.  Needs can be met lots of ways.

 

I'm brutal on things these days.  I looked at what it would REALLY cost to do what it would take to meet my ds' SN.  The school would cost $25K a year, and that wouldn't include ANY therapies.  He gets almost $10K a year in speech therapy and needs OT, ABA, etc.  So pretty much ANYTHING I feel needs to happen for me to stay sane enough to do this NEEDS TO HAPPEN, because the real cost of replacing me is exceptionally high!  

 

So if that means enrolling them part time or hiring tutors or respite care or a cleaning person or saying no to something and yes to time at the gym or whatever, it's important to do it.  

 

And, fwiw, my dd around that age started having a Mom's Day Off.  I'd literally just give her a list every Wednesday and walk away.  It's not the end of the world.  Or send her to Grandma's with a list.  I used to send her to Grandma's with things like a book on cloth napkin folding.  They worked on crochet/knitting, and they sewed together.  It's good stuff!  If you've got someone to send her to where she'd be learning some worthwhile skills, I wouldn't hesitate to.  And if she can take an hour of basics with her and do those as part of a lovely day, it could be good.  Maybe they just teach her to cook, kwim?  Like whatever that person knows, let them do with her.  If you need space, well it's what we did. :)

[foxbridgeacademy]

Acellus is another online option if you don't like T4L. It's what I ended up using the last part of last year with my problem child.  She did it every morning first thing with no complaints.  You can purchase it either by the subject or as an all in one (monthly or yearly payment).

[BlsdMama]

I think my daughter would do a veritas press online history lesson, but my 12 year old would not like that.  He doesn't like online stuff and still wants to hear me read history to him which means my daughter would be there also which ultimately means, I can't pawn off history.  I do like to read aloud to them both.  Maybe I just need to get my big girl panties on and figure out how to love this journey.

 

 

Well, I'm not sure it's a matter of putting on your big girl panties.  I had a "driving year" last year and it was HARD.  

 

If it  were me, I'd "reset" the math attitude and figure out if she struggles with math.  I'd buy a different curriculum that is the same level and different presentation than last year (and maybe a Unit 3 or 4) so that it's easy for her and she can like math again.  (It's hard sometimes to sort through whether or not the child truly struggles or if they've gotten into a "I hate....." kick, kwim?)

 

So, for example I think MCP uses a Math A, Math B, Math C approach. (She wouldn't know what level it was.) ;)

I know that Rod & Staff has a Level 2 Unit 3, Unit 4, etc. workbooks so you can hit reset without purchasing expensive curriculum. If you're stuck doing this, it might make it smoother.  I like the Xtra Math website that was recommended a little bit ago. I'm having my kids start well under their level so they can be successful and honestly, fast computation is ALWAYS a bonus - even on the ACT/SAT.  Fast computation just makes math easier - even when you start with simple addition, kwim?

 

 

THAT SAID, whatever you plan, make sure it works for you.  Is she a good solid reader?  Because this really could be a reading year... Many libraries offer a year 'round reading program.  Ahem, incentive / bribery?  Simplify other things in order to get them done so you can feel good too.  For me, third grade is foundations, foundations, foundations.  Reading should be rock solid and a habit of reading needs to be established.  I assign books (a year long list) and carve out time (2-3 hours.)  They read.  This is your history, lit., science, biographies.   I have a third grader this year, a particularly sweet one. ;)  She will read an insane amount this year, be read aloud to daily, do some math, and a bit 'o grammar as well as some copywork.  That's it.  It's about an hour of actual sit down tablework and the rest will be reading or read aloud.  It's enough.  

 

If Math is the only hiccup I would work towards her attitude of this is that thing we do.  It's like tearing off a bandaid.  And I'd do it first thing in the AM so the attitude and disagreement is done and over.  I also probably wouldn't do a full lesson until she is more cooperative.  I'd do what she can do with a good attitude... start with 7 minutes.  Work to ten, hang out at fifteen.  Sometimes we're so hell bent on getting the lesson out of the way we don't see that if kiddo did X with a good attitude for ten minutes a day, we'd pull forward and make progress and, more importantly, not have to battle so that we set ourselves up for success in the future - if you really are a lifer for homeschooling the LAST thing you want to do is battle about math with a 15yo, kwim?  Especially since you have olders, you have perspective that is very valuable.

 

And because you have olders, I have to ask -- Does she have attention issues?  Memory issues?  Is math especially hard for her?  Is she struggling? Did she struggle to read? Does she have a particularly oppositional attitude?  Is there something more?

 

 

As far as travel plans - skip counting CDs/songs?  Math songs?  Some of these kids have a high audio memory, kwim?

 

If there is no option but to do it, I'd definitely do it with things that suit *my* style.  I don't know if you listen to the Homeschool Solutions by Pam Barnhill, but I love that woman.  I've been using and abusing podcasts to get me inspired for next year.  Let's face it, you and I have homeschooled.  There is nothing new.  We no longer believe a curriculum will magically fix anything and we now know that the only real success is in cosistent application, which, frankly, rests the weight squarely on us.  Somehow that does take the shine off the apple, kwim?  *However* on the perk side, we also know we can do more with less, that we can relax a tidbit because if we form good habits, it gets done, and we've seen what works with our older kids.  It is just plain harder when we know we are going to be out of the house a lot!!!   And when we know that we can feel a little discouraged because we feel like we can't do quite as good a job with what we have to work with (time) and a younger child.  Or at least that's it in MY case.  But the encouragement I took away from last year was that while it was really hard for ME to be out of the house so much, the kids still learned, it was still a good year overall, even if it didn't look like what I usually aim for... I don't think they noticed for the most part.  

[bethben]

Yes, math is her biggest issue. I switched to rod and staff math halfway through last year and it went much better. I can see though that she needs to focus on one concept at a time. Math u see is our try next year and I think that will mostly solve the problem of "what" and we'll have to work on attitude or just drop back a level if needed. She just needs more time with a concept before she gets it and doesn't feel frustrated which turns to anger. She can read well and likes to write paragraphs. I decided to unschool science because she does like to read science books on different topics and learns a lot from them. I have note booking pages for her to write what is interesting for her and a color printer so she can copy pictures that she likes related to her topic. I'll just follow her interest that way which will be a load off of me.

 

Her main issue is ADD and adoption issues. Part of it is just me. Her first years with us were tough and I still feel like I'm trying to develop affection for her. She has a very strong personality and I get the brunt of her negative emotions. The other part is plain old ADD. I see it with her swim lessons even. She can't focus on the full instruction and only gets parts of it so she has to be constantly corrected because she didn't pay attention long enough. It showed up on her standardized testing also. Her listening scores were in the 20th percentile. So far, I'm able to see her progress in homeschool but if it doesn't get better, the subjects will get harder and her concentration may need a little prescription help.

 

I do have a one day a week co-op where I don't have to be there. Last year a lot of those days were spent doing errands. I'm going to guard that day a little better this time around and use it to recharge.

 

 

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[PeterPan]

Beth, have you had her eval'd?  My kids both have no trouble attending in swim lessons, even though they have wicked ADHD.  Most of the very ADHD kids I watch in swim lessons are fine.  I would wonder about APD or maybe something that needs some behavioral therapy.  Is she on meds?  The research is showing behavioral therapy before and plus meds gets better results than either alone.  You said her listening scores were 20th percentile, and I'm pairing that with the swim issues.  The pool indoors may have a loud air system.  Ours does.  It's really hard to focus, and it can really drive APD people nuts!  My dd's is borderline, and she comments on it.

 

[BlsdMama]

Yes, math is her biggest issue. I switched to rod and staff math halfway through last year and it went much better. I can see though that she needs to focus on one concept at a time. Math u see is our try next year and I think that will mostly solve the problem of "what" and we'll have to work on attitude or just drop back a level if needed. She just needs more time with a concept before she gets it and doesn't feel frustrated which turns to anger. She can read well and likes to write paragraphs. I decided to unschool science because she does like to read science books on different topics and learns a lot from them. I have note booking pages for her to write what is interesting for her and a color printer so she can copy pictures that she likes related to her topic. I'll just follow her interest that way which will be a load off of me.

 

Her main issue is ADD and adoption issues. Part of it is just me. Her first years with us were tough and I still feel like I'm trying to develop affection for her. She has a very strong personality and I get the brunt of her negative emotions. The other part is plain old ADD. I see it with her swim lessons even. She can't focus on the full instruction and only gets parts of it so she has to be constantly corrected because she didn't pay attention long enough. It showed up on her standardized testing also. Her listening scores were in the 20th percentile. So far, I'm able to see her progress in homeschool but if it doesn't get better, the subjects will get harder and her concentration may need a little prescription help.

 

I do have a one day a week co-op where I don't have to be there. Last year a lot of those days were spent doing errands. I'm going to guard that day a little better this time around and use it to recharge.

 

 

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And you know,  ADD can come with a very steep learning curve for figuring out how to handle behavior.  I have a son who isn't struggling with attachment or adoption issues but struggles with ADD and it's hard for me to look forward to the school year and know I'm having to plan ahead for opposition.  (((Hugs))) It sure isn't easy,  I can look forward and see that he needs homeschooling and that it definitely is the best for our family but sometimes hard is just hard. You might find support over at the Learning Challenges board because ADD is definitely a learning challenge.

 

 I will say that I think you have a really good plan looking forward.  I love that you recognize you need some down time and are planning to protect that some.  I think that's a really hard thing to recognize, especially as a homeschooling mom.

[Susan in TX]

She may do well with Christian Light Math. There is a lot of review built in. Concepts are introduced in small chunks and then reviewed over and over. It is workbook based, open and go, and if she is reading well she could do it pretty much independently. It may help to start down a grade so that it is mostly stuff she knows at first. That might take away some of the resistance to math.

 

Susan in TX

[Tiramisu]

Once you said 20%ile listening and the swimming lesson trouble, I also thought APD. I have a DD with APD and the sound environment of an indoor pool would be awful for her. My nephew with severe ADHD would be fine. My DD really seemed ADHD on the surface until we had the evals.

[bethben]

It's outdoor pool and there is very little outside noise since her class is very small and there are only two other small classes in the pool at the same time -- not a lot of external noise.  And add to that is that she has one ear plug in to keep water out of an ear with a small perforation so she is really only listening with one ear.  Maybe that's part of it also?  Yet, on the other hand, she did a sample Veritas press lesson where she had to listen in order to answer questions correctly which she was able to do with no problem.

 

APD is something I will have to look into.  She has a cleft and as a result, came to us at 2 1/2 with two ruptured ear drums.  She needed hearing aids for moderate hearing loss and got them when she was 3.  Until that time, most of her language was grunts and other non-language sounds.  Now, her ears can hear within normal ranges.  She has no trouble reading to herself or out loud though and no trouble using language to express herself.  

[PeterPan]

Have you had fresh SLP evals to quantify language? CASL or CELF.

[bethben]

She hasn't had any evaluations done lately.  All I know is that she uses language appropriately for her age and due to being read aloud to, has a very decent vocabulary - to the point that she will use almost adult sounding language to express herself.  I just asked her what big words she knew -- expedition and adventurous were what came to mind.  

 

 

[BlsdMama]

 

 

APD is something I will have to look into.  She has a cleft and as a result, came to us at 2 1/2 with two ruptured ear drums.  She needed hearing aids for moderate hearing loss and got them when she was 3.  Until that time, most of her language was grunts and other non-language sounds.  Now, her ears can hear within normal ranges.  She has no trouble reading to herself or out loud though and no trouble using language to express herself.  

It's pretty amazing she can read well.  Watch out for comprehension issues.  Kids with cleft have a higher than normal average for dyslexia as well, though the hearing issues would explain the lack of language.

[Kat w]

I agree on getting her evaluated.

Definitely sounds like some issues going on .

 

I think it could be a bonding experience fir you both too. She will see mom trying to help her and she will be getting the help she needs which will alleviate some of the frustration esp. For her.

 

You don't really know what went on in the womb. Any kind of exposure to things definitely trip thses kids up.

 

My 2 lil guys are adopted. We brought them home from hospital which means we made sure certain teats were run there to check for exposure. Sounds like maybe she came to you a little but older ?

 

I strongly recommend evals.

[PeterPan]

She hasn't had any evaluations done lately.  All I know is that she uses language appropriately for her age and due to being read aloud to, has a very decent vocabulary - to the point that she will use almost adult sounding language to express herself.  I just asked her what big words she knew -- expedition and adventurous were what came to mind.  

 

So then what's the explanation for the 20th percentile listening comprehension?  And what exactly was that?  Receptive language?  What test?  You might want to dig in there.

 

My ds has an 8th grade vocabulary (99th percentile, just retested) and needed language intervention for receptive language.  His single sentence comprehension scores were 25th percentile.  It happens.  You can get funky discrepancies with kids who are super bright.

[EKS]

I've had years like that too--dreading the start of school in the fall.

 

I would very seriously consider exactly what it was about math (and whatever else) that was causing the battles.  Was there a particular point in each math lesson where things went bad?

 

I see that you have Saxon listed as your math program.  FWIW, Saxon caused the worst math battles (and actually the worst battles, period) in my house of any program we ever did (and this was with both kids, you'd think I'd learn!).

[MerryAtHope]

I think my daughter would do a veritas press online history lesson, but my 12 year old would not like that.  He doesn't like online stuff and still wants to hear me read history to him which means my daughter would be there also which ultimately means, I can't pawn off history.  I do like to read aloud to them both.  Maybe I just need to get my big girl panties on and figure out how to love this journey.

 

I haven't always loved every homeschool year or every homeschool subject. It's okay. It sounds like you've all been through a lot. I think if you can get math in a better place, that will really help with the tension. My oldest had lots of struggles, and sometimes I had to remind myself that my relationship with my kid was more important than the academic subject. I know it's hard.

 

Does your dd like sitting in on history with your son? If not, it might be worth separating for that.

 

 

Beth, have you had her eval'd?  My kids both have no trouble attending in swim lessons, even though they have wicked ADHD.  Most of the very ADHD kids I watch in swim lessons are fine.  I would wonder about APD or maybe something that needs some behavioral therapy.  Is she on meds?  The research is showing behavioral therapy before and plus meds gets better results than either alone.  You said her listening scores were 20th percentile, and I'm pairing that with the swim issues.  The pool indoors may have a loud air system.  Ours does.  It's really hard to focus, and it can really drive APD people nuts!  My dd's is borderline, and she comments on it.

 

I'll third the APD question--it's worth looking into, and it can look just like ADD-inattentive. (And, kids can also have both...oh joy!)

[Kat w]

EKS,

 

Saxon caused many a battle here with our big kids and many years. At the time they were the end all of all in good math curriculum.

 

We have alot more choices now. That was almost 20 years ago.

 

Saxon can be very frustrating .

[Tiramisu]

Haha. Saxon was successful for two of my kids but terrible for the one with APD.

 

Besides the APD, she's got some other glitches but none severe enough for an additional diagnosis. There are two thing about Saxon which caused trouble for her. One was constantly switching gears. The other was the formatting. I'd recommend mastery with some limited but consistent daily review with a curriculum with a lot of white space.

 

I can't remember if you tried MUS or Singapore.

 

Evan Moor Daily Practice or Math Minutes on the side?

[Kat w]

I for quite awhile did an intro to the Singapore lesson with mus. That worked well.

 

I think partially in the Saxon we followed what another mom did, which was do every other problem . we didn't always do that but I think we did it enough that it caused a problem.

 

Even after we started doing all the problems, still had master trouble and my oldest was in the gifted program at the OS before we brought her home.

 

But alot of it I think is what "speaks" to the child, what makes it click fir them etc.

 

I'm a huge mus and Singapore fan

Edited July 21, 2016 by Kat w

[...................]

I say, figure something out for this year, that sounds cool for both of you...and just take this year...don't think about the future.

 

I am just tired of homeschooling...it's all boring to me, and I'm tired of driving too. Aren't we all...

 

But, God provided an local class situation for my dd.  She will take two subjects there.  For Science, I decided to put off textbooks for another year, and just read Hakim's HIstory of Science, which I am REALLY into...whether she gets a lot out of it or not, I really don't mind.  It's better than nothing or fights.  So the only traditional class I have to teach is Math, and I'm really just going to do the minimum with that too.  JUst continue with Horizons and supplement with Khan.

 

She will only have a few subjects, and half of them are outsourced locally...that, I can handle.  I think having the interaction and accountability will be interesting and exciting for both of us!

 

Also, I told my kids, I am just not driving so much this year.  They can each pick two activities....and that's it.  And my 14 year old will bike to both his sports and homeschool classes....

 

I think I'm rambling but the point I'm trying to make is just look around and pick and choose whatever will get done, or whatever you actually enjoy.  

[bethben]

My driving is mostly picking up my ds from the community college 20 minutes away twice a week. (I also have to drive/pick up my oldest from school each day, but that is already my normal). That doesn't seem like much, but my margins in life are so small. I have decided to pick read alouds that have a book on cd option so the days I'm driving, we can still do our "read aloud". I'll just pick up where we left off in the car. Most efficient use of my time at this point.

 

 

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