Kids' Spending Money

[MrsWeasley]

How do you handle your kids buying things that you rather they not have with their own money? I'm not talking about dangerous things: just things that are likely to break, things they are unlikely to have the maturity to care for, etc... that will surely end up in tantrums and tears? 

[regentrude]

I always let them. Making a few impulse buys they later regretted was a good lesson; from those experiences, they learned to be more careful.

I would only veto something that was dangerous or seriously inappropriate.

I consider the purpose of kids' spending money to enable them to learn wise spending habits. Trial and error is a good teacher.

Edited June 3, 2016 by regentrude

[SparklyUnicorn]

I let them. 

 

I think I nixed only one thing ever.  One of mine wanted the Dora Talking Kitchen.  He already had a very large kitchen set.  And I didn't think the Dora Talking Kitchen looked worth the money.  He was a lot younger.  At this point they are 11 and 14 so they spend their money on what they want to spend it on.

 

 

[closed]

I let them, but their main allowance goes directly from my account to theirs, and so far they have never wanted anything enough to actually make a withdrawal. Their spending cash comes from doing extra chores, mostly in the form of quarters that they immediately feed into vending machines. And then we talk about it. 'See, you enjoyed that bubblegum, but where is it now?' My oldest is starting to do this less, but the two younger remain unrepentant in their sugar-sphere profligacy :)

[LucyStoner]

We let them learn from their own mistakes. That's why they have an allowance. Each has learned to spend, save and give through this approach.

[happypamama]

I let them learn from their own choices, but I will heavily discourage something I really think is not worth the money.  I have occasionally vetoed something that was a larger purchase and not worth the money, because I'm only willing to put up with so much waste.  I'll let them buy candy if they want, but I vetoed a cheap-looking off-brand foam dart gun.  I'm not generally a brand snob, but we have several actual Nerf guns, and the one my son was looking at just looked really cheap and like it would break really quickly.  I just didn't feel like dealing with the unhappiness and waste.

[gardenmom5]

dh can delay gratification a very long time.  he had a really hard time dealing with a particular child who couldn't save a penny if their life depended upon it.  (this kid would have things expedited shipping to get it faster too.)  dh did too much to try and "reign in" this child's spending.   it was a 'bad thing' to exert that much control.

 

sometimes - you NEED to let them learn the hard way.  sometimes they need the experience of blowing money when they are young and it doesn't have a lifetime negative impact.  my spendthrift child has become much more mindful of where the money goes.  (conversely - my mil has never learned  to reign in her spending.  spending money really is like a drug for her.  she wants the adrenalin rush from spending.)

 

you can watch Brewster's millions.  the original from 1945 is available on amazon prime.  there's a remake from1985 with Richard pryor.

Edited June 3, 2016 by gardenmom5

[marbel]

We also let our kids spend their money as they wish.  They do have to give a percentage of any income to charity and save some.  But once money is considered "spending money" it is theirs to spend.

 

As they have gotten older, they are much more careful.  My daughter went through a period, right after she got her job, of spending too much (in my opinion) on makeup.  But she has since made herself a makeup budget and is careful now.   We have always talked about wise spending, not "spending to save" on unneeded items (buy one get one 50% off!) and it seems the kids are internalizing it.

[HomeAgain]

Our restrictions on money change as they get older.  It starts with a list of absolute no's (rated M games, etc) that are mostly about family values. For up to age 10 we add a 48h waiting period (I'm willing to take them anywhere to get it if they have it on their mind for 48 hours, exceptions being special events and a budget set aside for that event), and from 7-14 a requirement that they write down the transaction in a notebook, like a checkbook.  If they wonder where the money went or about bad purchases, it's all right there.

 

Beyond that...no, I'm not going to tell them no if I think it's a bad idea.  That's what growing up is about, learning from mistakes.

[Tita Gidge]

My approach mirrors the many responses you've already been given. Some of my kids' best lessons have been to buy a crappy product, and I'm glad they learn it young.

 

I don't actively discourage, but I do try to walk them through the steps to judicious spending. My primary goal is to avoid impulse spending and to develop smart shopping habits.  But my kids take after their mother, and usually insist on learning things the hard way.

 

So if they wanted some toy that I thought was poorly constructed and/or just plain stupid ... we'd see it in the store. We'd go home and comparison shop the prices, maybe read a few reviews, ask opinions of kids and parents we know have the toy. We'd sit on it a day or two, then buy it (or not). This is how they see me shop, too.

 

I'd only draw the line at a living, breathing purchase - like a pet.

[mamiof5]

Even if it's their spending money we do put a stop to it. We have so many building toys (Legos, Knex, Lincoln logs...you name it). We have Christmas presents that we haven't had a chance to use (lack of time). If we allow free spending at their will they'd go for more Legos, and I just don't have room. And candy? They get so much!!! No need for us to buy more

[marbel]

Even if it's their spending money we do put a stop to it. We have so many building toys (Legos, Knex, Lincoln logs...you name it). We have Christmas presents that we haven't had a chance to use (lack of time). If we allow free spending at their will they'd go for more Legos, and I just don't have room. And candy? They get so much!!! No need for us to buy more

 

LOL.  I'm cracking up because I don't think it ever occurred to my kids to spend their own money on Legos, 'cause I bought so many.  But candy, now that I'm thinking about it... I guess we keep enough candy around here that they don't need to spend their own cash on that either. Not that we eat loads of candy every day, but it is something that is around sometimes. I think if one of my kids was spending a lot on candy, I might change my policy of nonintervention. 

[amsunshine]

I have pretty much let my kids spend their money on whatever they want, and I don't really remember them wanting something that would be too dangerous or inappropriate in some other way.  Frivolous toys when they were younger, yes, but so far nothing other than that.  These days, they like to buy clothes and books with any spending money they have.  They might also buy a fun lipgloss or nailpolish, but not often as I usually get them makeup items they need.  As gifts, lately they ask for Starbucks gift cards for when they walk to Starbucks with their friends after dance class.  I've advised them about how those gift cards last longer if they get smaller sized drinks, but it's really up to them what they choose to order each time.  They typically go with the smaller drink sizes because they prefer their gift cards to last as long as possible, lol.

 

eta:  Now that I think about it, if my girls had wanted to spend all their money on candy or junk food, I probably would have steered them away from that.  But plenty of treats are available at home, so I don't recall that ever coming up.  I would have no objection to them using their spending money to go out for ice cream or frozen yogurt or something like that, though.

Edited June 3, 2016 by amsunshinetemp

[happypamama]

Okay, speaking of kids spending their money on junk food. . . 

 

DD often takes change along to buy a little candy from the bulk bins, and sometimes DS1 and DS2 do as well.  They generally share a little with each of their siblings.  So a few weeks ago, DS3, almost 5, got it into his head that he wanted to buy some ice cream for everyone with his own money.  I don't know why, but he really was insistent about it.  So I took him with me to the store and let him have $5 of his money, and he picked out the two kinds he wanted, and then he was in charge of dishing it out himself.  It was adorable.  

 

Fwiw, I do generally make them wait a week or so before buying things that are of any significance, like toys.  They'll see a toy in the store and want it, especially if a sibling is buying something, and I've found that if I don't let them buy it right away, most of the time they forget about it.  Sometimes something does stick in their heads that they want it, and then we can always get it another time.  My oldest son has actually thanked me for that rule a few times, saying, "I'm glad I didn't get X yesterday, because now that I think about it, it's not really something I want."

[Rebel Yell]

Aside from items we would not allow, it's their money. My kids are 21, 16, & 14. The 16yo has been wanting a $50+ eyeshadow palette. No WAY was I buying that for her. BUT we did buy her a gift card to Ulta in lieu of Easter basket candy (her sisters each got a book) so combing our gift card with a $20 store credit for signing up for their club or whatever it is, she only spent $10ish of her own money.

 

I have to admit, this brand is much higher quality than the mass market store brands. It covers better, wears longer, looks gorgeous, and she just loves it.

 

So that purchase was actually a good lesson for both of us.

 

But I also think $5 for a Starbucks coffee is crazy. Once her spending money depleted rapidly from buying them herself she (and her friends) have been VERY MUCH OK with unlimited homemade iced coffees with flavored creamers. I did buy a cute cup with a straw and lid so she can take them on the go.

Edited June 3, 2016 by Rebel Yell

[amsunshine]

But I also think $5 for a Starbucks coffee is crazy. Once her spending money depleted rapidly from buying them herself she (and her friends) have been VERY MUCH OK with unlimited homemade iced coffees with flavored creamers. I did buy a cute cup with a straw and lid so she can take them on the go.

 

I totally agree!  I don't see the point, and don't really like Starbucks.  But this is the social thing my dds and their friends seem to love doing right now, so once a week with a gift card or two has worked pretty well.  My dds have even figured out how to get "special" pricing and such, so they are figuring out how to make the cards last longer.  I kind of like how they do that.

[nd293]

We have some rules, like no food items and no items 'disallowed' at that age (examples might be make up or electronics) so they can't use personal money to get around family rules.

 

In general it's not an issue because they don't have enough money to make really disastrous decisions with. Dd15 earns some of her own but she's always sensible.

[AK_Mom4]

Absolutely NO LIVE ANIMAL purchases without pre-approval from MOM.

 

Other than that, they pretty much could buy what they wanted.  Not that they ever spent much - if there was a toy or game they wanted, they usually could mention it as a gift idea for the next birthday/Christmas and grandparents would oblige.  And new board games always come out of MY budget, not theirs......

[Artichoke]

We pretty much let our children buy what they wanted ( barring dangerous, totally against our values ) , even when younger.  We always instituted a see it at the store, "sleep on it" and then buy policy.  This was especially helpful with the things which were just silly -- a Dora who grew hair is the first thing to come to mind.  We also had the rule that we bought nothing that was sold on television until it was sold in stores.   It wasn't a perfect system, but it helped the dc make good choices most of the time. 

Edited June 4, 2016 by Artichoke

[mamiof5]

LOL. I'm cracking up because I don't think it ever occurred to my kids to spend their own money on Legos, 'cause I bought so many. But candy, now that I'm thinking about it... I guess we keep enough candy around here that they don't need to spend their own cash on that either. Not that we eat loads of candy every day, but it is something that is around sometimes. I think if one of my kids was spending a lot on candy, I might change my policy of nonintervention.

Lol! Yup, we have a lot of Legos, but ds would always like more. For a while it was build a bear, Lighting McQueen, barbies, Thomas the train...it changes as they grow. We have had to set limits, even if it's a cool toy...too much of anything is not necessarily a good thing :-P

[lllll]

nm

Edited November 30, 2016 by cathey