Is anyone else feeling really, really sad?

[3XBlessed]

In past years, Berkeley has been very good about admitting these types of advanced out-of-the-box students. And UCLA competes with them for the same students, so I think your ds has excellent chances at the many of the UC's. And we are fortunate to have great community colleges in CA.

[quark]

Not worried SAT-wise. More worried ECs-wise.

 

But it would be a bummer if he was rejected because they might ask for scores from the new SAT (his was from Jan sitting) for the following year. We think he will definitely apply as a transfer the following year.

 

You guys are making me feel a lot better! :cheers2:

[happypamama]

Big flagship campuses can start to feel pretty small once you are nestled in a specific program. You start circling around the same few buildings and seeing the same faces in the hallways. That said, I would also look at UC Davis. Smaller than some other UCs. A dear friend of mine from Berkeley did his math PhD there. It's such a lovely college town too.

I'm skimming the replies, but this one caught my eye -- sometimes a big flagship campus can be a really good thing because sometimes a student just wants to attend class and hide and not have to be "on" for every single class.  I went to a huge flagship campus (and now the campus is even larger in physical size), with a lot of people, and it really wasn't a bad thing.  One semester, I had a class of 997 people; I was taking a lot of credits, writing my senior thesis, and working three jobs that semester (including one as a teaching assistant), and it was NICE just to be able to hide in that huge class and not stress about participating.  In contrast, the following semester, while planning a wedding and finishing my senior thesis, I took a graduate level seminar of four students.  There was no hiding in that class; I always had to be on my game.  I really felt like I got the best of both worlds; I was in a small honors program and a very small major, and I felt like I got a lot of individualized attention and a good relationship with my advisor/thesis advisor (which would have been even better if I'd wanted to do research and/or go to graduate school), but I also got the advantages (large library, facilities, multiple dining options, etc.) of a large school.  Sometimes it was reassuring to be the big fish and to be able to slack a bit and not have to treat every class like it was Vitally Important, and sometimes it was nice to be challenged.  So, all that so say that big doesn't have to mean impersonal, and there may be ways to make it be whatever you want it to be.

 

I'm taking this away from this thread: make my kids apply to the big flagship with rolling admissions early, even if they have no idea where they want to go, because I expect they'll be able to get in, and at least if they get negative responses otherwise, hopefully they will have at least that one acceptance early on to cushion any blows.

[Janice in NJ]

One of the things I would highly recommend: find a couple of schools with rolling admissions and apply early - pick schools that will mostly likely send an acceptance letter. Those letters roll in, often accompanied by some merit money, just in time. The kid is gearing up for the BIG round of applications - complete with a couple of reaches. It's easier to motivate kids to reach for the stars when they know they've already hit something; or at the very least, they know that somebody, somewhere wants them - hopefully with merit aid. 

 

It does a LOT to help both the student and the guidance counselor momma face the Balrog, Tolkien's "cloaked in shadow" villain. Sometimes kids just need to feel the power of their own engine; college application time is one of those times. They need to feel it when they get a thumbs up, and they really need to feel it when they get that thumbs down.  

 

Peace,

Janice

 

Enjoy your little people

Enjoy your journey

[lisabees]

One of the things I would highly recommend: find a couple of schools with rolling admissions and apply early - pick schools that will mostly likely send an acceptance letter. Those letters roll in, often accompanied by some merit money, just in time. The kid is gearing up for the BIG round of applications - complete with a couple of reaches. It's easier to motivate kids to reach for the stars when they know they've already hit something; or at the very least, they know that somebody, somewhere wants them - hopefully with merit aid. 

 

It does a LOT to help both the student and the guidance counselor momma face the Balrog, Tolkien's "cloaked in shadow" villain. Sometimes kids just need to feel the power of their own engine; college application time is one of those times. They need to feel it when they get a thumbs up, and they really need to feel it when they get that thumbs down.  

 

Peace,

Janice

 

Enjoy your little people

Enjoy your journey

 

Absolutely agree.  

[plansrme]

I don't feel this at all.  Sorry!  I don't mean to be unsympathetic; I'm NOT unsympathetic.  I just know there are so many incredible colleges out there that will be thrilled to have my kid and where I know my kid would have a fabulous experience.  I look at the college search process as one with a ton of correct decisions, one that it is pretty difficult to screw up.  If your kid doesn't get into his first choice school, then my observation is that very, very often, Choice B ends up being the one about which he says, "If I'd know what I do not, Choice B would have been my first choice."  I know the OP's kid has some good reasons to have Choice A as his first choice, but there is nearly always an alternative path.

 

I know kids get upset by not getting into their first choice, but as a parent, that does not bother me at all.  Of course, no one likes to see their kids or their friends' kids upset, but this is where being 40-something, and not 17, comes into play.  I've seen many, many kids and adults not get their first choice something--school, job, house, spouse(!), whatever, but then pick themselves up, embrace Choice #2 and thrive.

[quark]

I think we will definitely pick ourselves up. :laugh: We've done that so many times with so many more important things. I think it's just that time of the year with acceptances and rejections pouring in around me that I was suddenly overwhelmed with this hollow fear in the pit of my being...not stomach but somewhere deep inside my ribcage. I think it might also be influenced by this need to be perfect (we are not but that doesn't stop me from trying). I've felt this same fear before. Like Sue said, I felt it when I started homeschooling. I felt like I will definitely fail him. Now I suddenly feel that again. As if all I've done is to pull him towards failure and disappointment when a lot of the time he was doing the pushing (yes it sounds odd but I think it was this way with us...not him pulling me but pushing me, and not me pushing him but pulling him...out of his comfort zones mostly). I know it is irrational. I know it is so silly to feel this way. But I feel it. It will go away and I know that too. But I also wanted to make sure it isn't just me. That on top of all the other crazy in my life, I am not becoming a little more psycho than I thought I was. :laugh:

Edited April 8, 2016 by quark

[DebbS]

 I felt like I will definitely fail him.

 

The biggest way that we as parents can fail our children is to not love them well.  Love is the primary power that we have over their lives - whether we gave it or withheld it is what will make a difference. 

 

We might miss teaching them something, we might over-teach and we will certainly make mistakes in all sorts of areas. But our children have a lifetime worth of choices that will be theirs and those choices will lead to their successes and their failures. They'll have both.

 

If you love him, you haven't failed him.

Edited April 8, 2016 by DebbS

[quark]

If you love him, you haven't failed him.

 

:001_wub:

 

[quark]

One of the things I would highly recommend: find a couple of schools with rolling admissions and apply early - pick schools that will mostly likely send an acceptance letter. Those letters roll in, often accompanied by some merit money, just in time. The kid is gearing up for the BIG round of applications - complete with a couple of reaches. It's easier to motivate kids to reach for the stars when they know they've already hit something; or at the very least, they know that somebody, somewhere wants them - hopefully with merit aid. 

 

It does a LOT to help both the student and the guidance counselor momma face the Balrog, Tolkien's "cloaked in shadow" villain. Sometimes kids just need to feel the power of their own engine; college application time is one of those times. They need to feel it when they get a thumbs up, and they really need to feel it when they get that thumbs down.  

 

Thanks Janice! Referring to this list, I couldn't find a good match for pure math.  We are geographically limited as mentioned upthread so I only looked at the CA colleges.

 

[Arcadia]

But it would be a bummer if he was rejected because they might ask for scores from the new SAT (his was from Jan sitting) for the following year.

Looks like those applying for 2018 (current 10th graders) would be affected if Caltech is on their wish list.

 

"NEW SAT: Caltech will require the essay portion of the new SAT (starts in spring 2016). Those applying for the Fall 2017 start term will be able to submit either the current SAT w/writing or the new SAT w/essay. Applicants applying to Fall 2018 should submit the new SAT w/essay. Keep in mind that we will continue to accept the ACT w/writing."

[hillfarm]

...  Even my leopard print blouse wasn't lending me any courage at that point. :lol: :tongue_smilie:

 

Didn't you get the memo - it's the shoes and the snazzy underwear for courage. The leopard print blouse is just the first layer!

[8filltheheart]

Next year, ds will apply to schools and graduate early. He is looking at ivies and top-tier. I am trying to find good, medium-sized safeties with an excellent physics dept. and great merit aid! Not easy.

 

Next year, I will be very worried that he won't find the right fit, due to finances. And I will be very worried that he won't get into any of his preferred schools. Next year, be sure to tell me that it will work out just fine! ;)

If you really want a financial safety (as in possible full-ride), check out Alabama. They have a high school physics competition that individuals can enter (they don't have to be on a school team) and the top 2 winners win the equivalent of 4 yrs in state tuition and are invited to apply for the physics dept's Barr scholarship. (Ds placed first and had the highest score of any first time participant in the history of the competition. :) ) Those scholarships can stack on top of the presidential scholarship.

 

CBH is a fabulous elite undergrad research honors program. (CBH has produced numerous Goldwater Scholars. Since 2007, UA has had more Goldwater Scholars than any other university. I think as of this yr, they have 1 more than Harvard.) Here is an article about this yr's winners:

http://uanews.ua.edu/2016/04/2-ua-students-named-goldwater-scholars/ and this one is about last yr's http://uanews.ua.edu/2015/04/four-ua-students-named-goldwater-scholars/

 

The school also has a University Scholars program that allows Advanced UGs to earn their masters while earning their bachelor's. Ds will be graduating with his bachelor's in math and physics and masters in physics all at the same time. He will be taking 3 500 level physics classes in the fall (technically his jr yr even though he is a sr by standing) along with 2 regular UG courses (I am a little concerned about the load, but he isn't. He says he will,drop one of the grad classes if he feels he can't juggle everything.)

 

Budget drove our decision bc when the dust settled,admissions was not the issue, finances definitely were. We couldn't afford the vast majority of the schools ds was accepted into. But no disappointment bc he loves Bama and constantly says he wouldn't change where he attends. He has been working on the Ice Cube neutrino project for a yr now (about 18 hrs/week) and his mentor professor tells him that work is the equivalent of a grad student. She has given him awesome letters of rec and he was offered 3 different REUs this summer.

 

Anyway, for a financial safety, it has a lot to offer.

Edited April 11, 2016 by 8FillTheHeart

[8filltheheart]

Quark, I addressed my post to lisabees, but I just want to encourage you that fit comes in many ways and that perfect isn't necessary, just room to grow according to their needs and mentors who encourage and support them.

 

Our challenge with our 11th grade dd is actually way more difficult than with ds bc language depts are not at all standardized and even graduation goals are crazily different. Affordable universities with grad level Russian are few and far between. We have met with some depts whose graduation goals are on par with her current levels as a high school jr and have absolutely nothing to offer her. :( ****But*** we have met with other depts that are energized by her strengths and are willing to do whatever they can to help he achieve her goals. It isn't easy, but it isn't impossible, either.

 

I strongly encourage you and your ds to go and meet with depts after his emailing them with all your concerns. (Help him compose the email, but let him send it.) If you even find one school that you think will work with him and meet his needs, your stress will go down significantly.

[quark]

Music is an excellent ec...you mentioned orchestra? . My son thought that not achieving state level recognition as a soloist was a killer...he didnt realize that his leadership, community service, level of accomplishment...

 

...We toured one school and realized how strange it felt not to have music facilities open to nonmajors, or music ensembles as ecs.

He takes every jazz course he can at the cc and plays in the bands that form as a requirement of each class. Two large performances each semester to an audience of about 150-200. A lot of growth each time but not huge public concerts. They do perform gigs too but not very frequently. So he will have about 4 band related electives and one band EC from 9th (before he started at CC in different city). Not orchestra though. He does have some ECs but nothing spectacular.

 

Yes we have started automatically checking out accessibility to jazz ensembles and availability of latin american lit in all the colleges we are researching! :)

[quark]

I strongly encourage you and your ds to go and meet with depts after his emailing them with all your concerns. (Help him compose the email, but let him send it.) If you even find one school that you think will work with him and meet his needs, your stress will go down significantly.

Thank you 8. We both have significant imposter feelings. But the anxiety might exceed that enough to give us the push we need to approach departments. I will update once we hear from depts!

[The Governess]

I can relate. I think part of the feelings come from having an advanced/talented kid. I went through some of these feelings this year with dd11 who auditioned for summer ballet programs. I think she is talented, and her instructors say she is too, but she is also a reserved kid and doesn't always put herself out there. I had absolutely no idea if the auditioners would even notice her. And if they didn't, I was worried that it would discourage her, and that "what if" made me distraught. She ended up doing better than anyone expected and it was a fantastic experience for her, but man, as a mother it was an emotional time for me.

 

I think part of the issue too is that while I believe Dd is gifted, she is very quiet about it and doesn't like attention. She has studied Chinese to an intermediate level but won't converse with the owner of our local restaurant. She could read chapter books at 3, but stopped reading in public after people made comments. She would not share her age with her online Algebra classmates, etc.... These things do make me sad, and I think that part of the sadness can come from my worry that the world will never fully know how amazing she is. I think that applying for colleges will only heighten these emotions, this fear.

 

I do think imposter syndrome is part of it, especially when you have a reserved kid that would rather keep their gifts to themselves.

[Lawyer&Mom]

I think you are vastly overestimating the awesomeness of UC students. The kids from my high school who went to Berkeley all had great grades and test scores, but our ECs were fairly standard. A sports team, and something else like student government or journalism. The kids with spectacular ECs went to Stanford. I know things have gotten more competitive, and I encourage your son to participate in activities he loves, but I think he is going to do just fine with the UCs.

[quark]

I can relate. I think part of the feelings come from having an advanced/talented kid. I went through some of these feelings this year with dd11 who auditioned for summer ballet programs. I think she is talented, and her instructors say she is too, but she is also a reserved kid and doesn't always put herself out there. I had absolutely no idea if the auditioners would even notice her. And if they didn't, I was worried that it would discourage her, and that "what if" made me distraught. She ended up doing better than anyone expected and it was a fantastic experience for her, but man, as a mother it was an emotional time for me.

 

I think part of the issue too is that while I believe Dd is gifted, she is very quiet about it and doesn't like attention. She has studied Chinese to an intermediate level but won't converse with the owner of our local restaurant. She could read chapter books at 3, but stopped reading in public after people made comments. She would not share her age with her online Algebra classmates, etc.... These things do make me sad, and I think that part of the sadness can come from my worry that the world will never fully know how amazing she is. I think that applying for colleges will only heighten these emotions, this fear.

 

I do think imposter syndrome is part of it, especially when you have a reserved kid that would rather keep their gifts to themselves.

At the risk of sounding dramatic, a thousand times yes. This kid just doesn't put himself out there. But I cannot bug/ nudge him about it because I get why.

 

I think you are vastly overestimating the awesomeness of UC students. The kids from my high school who went to Berkeley all had great grades and test scores, but our ECs were fairly standard. A sports team, and something else like student government or journalism. The kids with spectacular ECs went to Stanford. I know things have gotten more competitive, and I encourage your son to participate in activities he loves, but I think he is going to do just fine with the UCs.

 

But all the kids we know or have heard of being accepted are all pretty out there. I AM feeling more confident though. Thank you! :001_smile:

[Arcadia]

She would not share her age with her online Algebra classmates, etc.... These things do make me sad, and I think that part of the sadness can come from my worry that the world will never fully know how amazing she is.

As a child, I would avoid saying my age because I do not want to be treated as a precocious child. I'm fine with being judged as someone older.

 

If you are worried about summer programs and college admissions, make a resume and portfolio for your child now and just edit as she grow.

 

I won't worry too much about your daughter not wanting to speak Chinese to the restaurant owner. My hubby would speak any language (German, French, Japanese, Korean, Spanish) regardless how bad to waiters and cashiers. I don't even speak chinese to another chinese speaker unless we are friends or the person is my kid's teacher. How fast does the restaurant owner speak? If the owner speaks fast, your daughter might be worried about talking slower than the owner.

 

The dating age was a headache. I had too many guys in high school and college tell me they don't dare to ask me out because of my grades and the subjects I took. I ended up being asked for dates from medicine school undergrads and law undergrads :lol: It was an incentive for my hubby to go for his phd because his relatives were teasing him about being "less qualified" than me.

[The Governess]

As a child, I would avoid saying my age because I do not want to be treated as a precocious child. I'm fine with being judged as someone older.

 

If you are worried about summer programs and college admissions, make a resume and portfolio for your child now and just edit as she grow.

 

I won't worry too much about your daughter not wanting to speak Chinese to the restaurant owner. My hubby would speak any language (German, French, Japanese, Korean, Spanish) regardless how bad to waiters and cashiers. I don't even speak chinese to another chinese speaker unless we are friends or the person is my kid's teacher. How fast does the restaurant owner speak? If the owner speaks fast, your daughter might be worried about talking slower than the owner.

 

The dating age was a headache. I had too many guys in high school and college tell me they don't dare to ask me out because of my grades and the subjects I took. I ended up being asked for dates from medicine school undergrads and law undergrads :lol: It was an incentive for my hubby to go for his phd because his relatives were teasing him about being "less qualified" than me.

The age thing bothers her because she doesn't want the attention she perceives she would get by being different.

 

As for the Chinese... the owner is just asking her questions like "how are you," "are you hungry," stuff like that. I know Dd knows how to answer, but she is so reserved and just sits there and smiles. We've been coming to this restaurant since she was a toddler and the owner usually comes over and chats for a few minutes, and loves that Dd is studying Chinese. She's just being friendly but Dd wants no part of it!

 

I've learned not to push her and let her be in charge of how much of herself she shares with the world. I was a very reserved kid too, and grew out of it sometime towards the end of high school. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that at some point she will start feeling comfortable in her own skin. :)

[Janeway]

I admit that I am afraid for my children to apply any place competitive for fear of rejection.

 

I have a good friend, a neighbor. Her child was so smart and did so well, we thought she was going to do very well. But she got her heart set on a top school. She did not get in. She became very depressed and even though she got in to all the good state schools, including UT Austin, she never got in to it. She half hearted put money down on one school but when fall came, she hated it. She went to her dorm and saw it and met her roommate and broke out crying and went back home. She started the process over and eventually went to one of the state schools and I understand she is happy now. But I cannot help but feel like the whole process was too stressful. She was sort of in a league academically where she was expected to just go to this great school. Her classmates went to big name schools like Princeton and Swarthmore and Penn and such. And then her, she just got stuck. Her mom says she pretty much cracked under the stress of writing the essays. She was at a pretty competitive private school but on scholarship so most her friends probably had a leg up financially for sure. I just do not want my children to go through that. I would rather they set realistic sights and goals.

[quark]

I admit that I am afraid for my children to apply any place competitive for fear of rejection.

 

I have a good friend, a neighbor. Her child was so smart and did so well, we thought she was going to do very well. But she got her heart set on a top school. She did not get in. She became very depressed and even though she got in to all the good state schools, including UT Austin, she never got in to it. She half hearted put money down on one school but when fall came, she hated it. She went to her dorm and saw it and met her roommate and broke out crying and went back home. She started the process over and eventually went to one of the state schools and I understand she is happy now. But I cannot help but feel like the whole process was too stressful. She was sort of in a league academically where she was expected to just go to this great school. Her classmates went to big name schools like Princeton and Swarthmore and Penn and such. And then her, she just got stuck. Her mom says she pretty much cracked under the stress of writing the essays. She was at a pretty competitive private school but on scholarship so most her friends probably had a leg up financially for sure. I just do not want my children to go through that. I would rather they set realistic sights and goals.

 

That is heartbreaking. She shouldn't have had to feel such stress in the first place! Liked to provide support and not because I like her predicament.

 

I hope she is truly at ease now.

[Teacher Mom]

If you only knew how many late night bathroom cry marathons I have had over the last 4 years. The outward supporting rah-rah Mama face when inside you are thinking " Kid, you are killing your chances." The constant mantra -- this is not about me, this is not about me-- and the absolute horror that hell, yeah, this IS about me, about eleven and a half freaking years of work done by me! And the shame because I can't just say that out loud and expect anyone to understand.

 

You are so normal. I wish I could hug you or kick back with you over coffee and trade panic stories. You feel vulnerable. I was just there months ago. It helped to have a plan. It also helped that I rarely post so no one would even remember if I didn't put my daughter's acceptances on the Board.

 

Breathe. I can't tell where your child will get in but there are amazing schools out there in many forms. I didn't know that when we started our search. One of the nicest places wasn't an Ivy, but just a university that went out of its way to get to know my daughter. They were polite and kind to a frightened seventeen year old afraid she would not get in anywhere. They took the time to point out to her that she could start anywhere, at any university, and transfer later if she had the desire and the drive to do so.

 

My daughter was very lucky and got into her school. But, her real luck was that she was not (and is not) going to be defined by a school. She can pick up dog poop, shovel out stalls, work that physics problem, and cook dinner. One thing is not better than another, it is just different and worth doing well.

 

From someone on the other side of the college mess, it will be okay. Beautiful things can happen that you just can't anticipate now. You just have to be open to what comes.

 

[quark]

Teacher Mom, thank you. :grouphug: You made me cry. In a good way.

 

:cheers2: A huge toast to your DD. She sounds wonderful.

 

Lol, I'll confess something I say to my son now and then when he is willing to discuss potential future significant others without embarrassment. How do you know you've found your future good-fit person? Well, I always tell him, if she loves dogs and willingly scoops up dog poop, I think you can safely broach the subject. :p (And yes, in our home, that comes second to loving books).

Edited April 12, 2016 by quark

[Pen]

I am truly happy for all the wonderful college acceptance news. I really am. I cheer in my heart for each one that is posted here or on other forums. But sometimes, I have this terrible fear that when it comes to my own kid, I will only have a string of rejections to report.

 

I might lose courage and take this down...but was just wondering in the meantime, am I the only one? Anyone else with a kid who plans to apply this fall or soon feeling the same way? I read about all the amazing, amazing kids who were rejected by some schools (well, yeah, I admit I follow mostly news about selective schools). If those kids don't get in how will mine? I feel like just unschooling through grad school-level or whatever and then turning the kid loose to go start a business of some sort (at least enough to feed himself).

 

I hope it's normal to feel this way. :crying:

 

 

I worry about that sort of thing too, though for very different reasons most likely.  And I am glad you posted and hope you don't erase it.

 

Realistically, I will have my son apply to one or two places that should be "safety" schools for him--including our local community college--and from which he can launch a life perfectly well. And also will let him apply to a few more iffy places for him. At least currently he says he does not want to go more than one state distant from where we live now, so that eliminates a lot of possibilities. In my son's case he does have ECs and a sport--though maybe not any at the elite level of having won some big honor in them, but he does not have the advanced academics that your son has.  I think in a way, not withstanding some kids who seem to have top performances in all sorts of areas, that there are only so many hours in each day, and devoting time to one thing, likely means some other area is getting short changed. If nothing else then perhaps sleep gets shorted. Or downtime. Or knowing how to do the laundry.

 

I worry about being able to afford college and my own older age, and about him not being able to do well somewhere as much as about him getting in. And then I worry about what he is going to do with his life beyond college since that is only 4 years along the way, and what the world is going to be like for him, and for grandkids if any.

 

Well,  I also have frequent fears about him as he goes off on his bike which he just recently started to use on the busier highway roads, having a terrible accident or some abduction scenario. I know several people who have had terrible bike accidents, and where helmets were not all that protective. I am not quite yet worried about him getting someone pregnant, or driving accidents in car, but those may not be far off.

 

I think for a lot of us parents, worry and fear for our children is pretty normal.

[katilac]

These are my thoughts on extra-curriculars: if you have the type of kid who doesn't thrive on a zillion activities, then they need to go to a school where they can thrive without doing a zillion activities.

 

Certain schools look for that kind of student, because that's they kind of student they want at their school. They expect you to keep on going, and all of the best opportunities rely on that. It does no one any good to force certain activities or a certain number of them to get into a specific school, because chances are they won't be at their best there. 

 

I say this as a mom whose dds will both have great academics, great scores, and pretty basic ECs. They run bake sales for student council, they don't start non-profits that teaches at-risk youth how to bake whilst raising funds for the local hospital, kwim? 

 

And that's okay. dd found a great fit with strong academics and lots of opportunities nonetheless. There is a place for everyone. You don't want them to be something they're not, and you don't want to trade now for the future. 

 

 

[onaclairadeluna]

Hi Quark, I haven't posted in a million years because of juggling full time work and all this stress, but your post really resonated with me and I just wanted to chime in and offer hugs and support.

 

This year was nuts. I am so worn out.

 

Am I remembering right that your child is the mathy one?  My son's ECs were fairly minimal but the UCs apparently know about things like Mathcamp and he did really well with UC acceptances (he got in to every one that he applied to). I think they are looking at quality over quantity. I was actually shocked he did so much better with UCs than private schools as my son is the most out of the box kid I have ever met and I really thought that this would be a barrier to the state schools.

 

Nevertheless it has been a super stressful year with a ton of rejection and general stress. All you really need is one good school to go to. I reminded my son of this before he applied, and while he was applying and again when the decisions were coming out. Just one. The others really don't matter. (I think I was reminding myself of this simultaneously).

 

Hang in there.

[quark]

Thank you all so much. Onaclairadeluna, thank you for commenting after your long absence! I remember you with fondness and have wondered how you are. I'm so sorry to hear about the stress. And I know it will be us in those shoes a year from now. Lots of hugs back.

 

You guys have collectively helped me so much. This week, some of the stress has cleared. I have actually resigned from my part time work. It pays peanuts really, just a little over minimum wage and wasn't anything close to giving me intellectual or creative excitement, but I needed it at the time for my own sanity. To stand on my own two feet after giving up my career to be a stay home mom. But it ended up contributing to this feeling that I wasn't doing enough and that I wasn't going to be doing enough until I could focus my thoughts on one or two things instead of too many at a time. That rushing home every day to cook and the feeling guilty about how little I was doing, and then some other things going on, it all must have snowballed.

 

I hate to let the paycheck go but with that has come this huge sense of relief. I feel some new energy to jump into research and record keeping again. Feel a lot clearer and better. And once we have some applications out of the way, I know I can start job hunting again.

 

This sadness and worry has just underlined the fact that it's all connected. My warmest thanks again to all of you! :grouphug: