AA/Black moms could you see if this would be offensive?

[Ottakee]

A friend of mine is writing a book about a black girl adopted by a white family......since there are no picture books out there like this.

 

This is one of the pages in the book.

*****************

Ow! Mama T was tugging the hair out of my head. Going-out braids meant someone was coming for me. Maybe to take me to my brothers.

**********

 

It is a little girl (maybe 4-7 years old) sitting while getting her hair braided.  She is not liking the getting the hair done part but is hopeful about seeing her brothers.

 

As a African-American/black mom would you find this offensive in a kids picture book or is it a real life portrayal of kids (esp. girls) who yell ow! when they are getting their hair done?

[Sneezyone]

Saying "OW!"? No. Not offensive. Perfectly normal for lots of kids. Using a dialect that doesn't match the child's family situation, however, would be off-putting and I don't know what "going-out braids" means. I'd be surprised if most transracially adopted or fostered kids associate that common hairstyling issue/technique with sibling reunification. Getting your hair done is something that happens regularly.

[DawnM]

Not at all.

 

I have several friends who have adopted black children, mostly from African countries.  

 

One mom spends almost an hour PER girl doing hair when she has to do it.

 

Another mom doesn't, but she gets so many comments from AA women berating her for "not taking care of that child's hair!"

 

 

[IfIOnly]

I haaated getting my hair braided by my mom. It hurt! And she did them so tight. It felt so good to take them out at night. My hair looks great in all my pics growing up though. It wasn't the brushing but the braiding. I realize that AA hair is a sensitive topic though. 

 

ETA: Braids and bangs were how I wore my hair most of my younger elementary years.

[Ottakee]

Saying "OW!"? No. Not offensive. Perfectly normal for lots of kids. Using a dialect that doesn't match the child's family situation, however, would be off-putting and I don't know what "going-out braids" means.These were what the  little girl who inspired the story called them.  A bit fancier style than she normally wore   I'd be surprised if most transracially adopted or fostered kids associate that common hairstyling issue/technique with sibling reunification.  This little girl would get her hair done (Mama T is the foster mom) when the social worker was coming.  The worker coming meant that she would get a visit with her siblings in another foster home.   Getting your hair done is something that happens regularly.

 

[Ottakee]

 

Another mom doesn't, but she gets so many comments from AA women berating her for "not taking care of that child's hair!"

A bit off topic but I was at a foster care/adoption conference yesterday and one of the things mentioned by several of the AA/biracial kids was that it was very important to them that their foster/adoptive moms (or dads) learn to do their hair properly. 

[Sneezyone]

Ah, that makes a bit more sense. I've just never heard that term. Braids are braids. Everytime I left the house my hair was presentable. Anything less was/is considered a sign of neglect. There is a little girl at the gym my daughter attends who's biological mother apparently has no clue what to do with her hair. It's a matted mess, shorn in the back with one long, scraggly loc in the front. I bite my tongue, HARD, every time I see her. It's embarrassing.

[Farrar]

I don't have any expertise in this area from any direction, but I thought the OP or her friend might appreciate this article I remembered from Brain, Child from a few years back which is basically about this *exact* scenerio. It was written well and stuck with me.

 

http://www.brainchildmag.com/2013/04/textured-2/

 

[Guest]

I don't have any expertise in this area from any direction, but I thought the OP or her friend might appreciate this article I remembered from Brain, Child from a few years back which is basically about this *exact* scenerio. It was written well and stuck with me.

 

http://www.brainchildmag.com/2013/04/textured-2/

That's a very well-done article, Farrar. I used to read Brain, Child, but haven't in a long while.

[Farrar]

That's a very well-done article, Farrar. I used to read Brain, Child, but haven't in a long while.

 

They folded briefly and changed hands, but it's still the only parenting magazine worth reading. In part because of lovely, nuanced pieces like that which they're still running.

[LucyStoner]

As a white woman with a white husband and white sons, I never expected to have to learn too much about talking care of AA girls' hair but now as a bonus adult to my niece, I do. I don't think "ow" is off the the mark- braiding very curly hair definitely can tug. I ended up watching a lot of videos and talking to a lot of AA moms or moms with AA girls to figure out what I needed to do. Neither of her parents had helped her that much with it and she had no idea how to take care of her hair. My niece likes her hair long and loose and her dad is so negative about her wearing her hair that way. We've had long conversations about how her hair=her decision. In fact, he was being such an ass about it, I got it put in the parenting plan (dad isn't allowed to make remarks about her hair or force her to change it during his limited visitation).

[Slojo]

No. Though I didn't understand "going-out braids" - I thought maybe she was taking braid extensions down or something :laugh: . Couldn't wrap my brain around that particular phrase, but otherwise, no, not offensive. Only thing I would "watch out for" is using an assumed African American dialect for the book character's voice if the author isn't really intimately familiar with real African American dialectal speech patterns. 

[Ottakee]

No. Though I didn't understand "going-out braids" - I thought maybe she was taking braid extensions down or something :laugh: . Couldn't wrap my brain around that particular phrase, but otherwise, no, not offensive. Only thing I would "watch out for" is using an assumed African American dialect for the book character's voice if the author isn't really intimately familiar with real African American dialectal speech patterns.

Thanks. She is using her daughter's own words for much of the book. Dd is AA but has been in a white home since she was 6.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I'm Caucasian and that scene is familiar from my childhood except they were called "church braids". I did spend the first 4-5 years of my life living in the South on Military bases. One of my mom's favorite memories is looking out the kitchen window and seeing 4 or 5 little dark haired girls running across the field followed by my white blond head, all of us in cornrows.

[Mimm]

What would be offensive about saying "ow" about getting hair done. My tender headed (white) daughter says this. Or is it the "going out braids"? I'm confused.

[netwelladm]

I also didn't understand "going-out braids." Learn something new every day.

[Classical Katharine]

FWIW (Which may not be much) "going-out braids" made sense to me right away. I figured it meant a special kind of braids that meant an outing was at hand.

[marbel]

FWIW (Which may not be much) "going-out braids" made sense to me right away. I figured it meant a special kind of braids that meant an outing was at hand.

 

Yep, that's what I thought too. 

[umsami]

Not AA, but the going-out braids confused me at first.  I assumed that they were being taken out maybe.  So I would maybe put "going-out" in parentheses.. or maybe say "Getting 'going-out' braids meant that somebody was coming for me."

[Ottakee]

Not AA, but the going-out braids confused me at first. I assumed that they were being taken out maybe. So I would maybe put "going-out" in parentheses.. or maybe say "Getting 'going-out' braids meant that somebody was coming for me."

I think it will be in quotes or italics in the book.

 

Glad to hear that it isn't offensive. With the pictures this book is going to be awesome.

[Sneezyone]

FWIW (Which may not be much) "going-out braids" made sense to me right away. I figured it meant a special kind of braids that meant an outing was at hand.

I think the reason 'going out' braids sounds funny to my ear is because every style on my DD was/is a 'going out' style. In the context of the story it makes sense, those are the little girl's words. It just isn't anything I'd ever heard before.

 

Braids are an everyday style for girls and DD and her classmates would get their cornrow patterns redone every weekend like clockwork (so us working mamas wouldn't have to change styles every day). Special occasion hair, for me, is associated with pressing or flat ironing and curlers or a curling iron.

 

Anyway, just wanted to clarify why that sounded odd to me.

[Garga]

I don't think going out braids is a real phrase. It's just what the little girl calls the braids when they're fanicer than usual.

 

I understood the phrase, but a lot of people didn't. You may want to let the author know that. Or maybe her editor will.

[Ottakee]

I don't think going out braids is a real phrase. It's just what the little girl calls the braids when they're fanicer than usual.

 

I understood the phrase, but a lot of people didn't. You may want to let the author know that. Or maybe her editor will.

So  would you use it or not?  This is a book written in the first person as told by a girl of about 5 years old.  This is what she called them.  I have a feeling that in this situation, her hair was likely done the day the social worker was coming, not nec. on a regular schedule.

 

I think they used this phrase as to this little girl, getting "going out braids" meant something big was going to be happening in her life---good or bad as she was in foster care and never knew what was going to happen when the worker came for her.

[Garga]

So would you use it or not? This is a book written in the first person as told by a girl of about 5 years old. This is what she called them. I have a feeling that in this situation, her hair was likely done the day the social worker was coming, not nec. on a regular schedule.

 

I think they used this phrase as to this little girl, getting "going out braids" meant something big was going to be happening in her life---good or bad as she was in foster care and never knew what was going to happen when the worker came for her.

Well, since I understood exactly what it meant when I read it, I suppose I would use it.

 

If the book was going to be published, I'd ask the editor whether she thought it would confuse readers or not.

[Slojo]

FWIW (Which may not be much) "going-out braids" made sense to me right away. I figured it meant a special kind of braids that meant an outing was at hand.

 

"Going out" braids is a phrase I had never heard before - and I thought I heard it all  :laugh: ! This may be a case of having so much tacit knowledge about the very wide range of terms used to describe black hair, black hair styles, and hair "situations." So I thought, "Going out? Hmm... are these the braids that come out/are going out before the new braids go back in?" Really, lots of interpretations could make sense. It just took me a couple reads to understand. The ways of describing black hair styles is endless -- there's box braids, cornrows, twists, twist outs, plaits, pony tails, goddess braids, sister locs, straw sets, afro puffs, taking down, latching, extensions, bundles, clip ins, cornrows, flat twists, lacing, tracks, Senagalese twists, freedom hair... and that's before you get into the realm of relaxers (a whole 'nother list). Really, endless (AA women are very creative with their hair -- it's actually quite fun when you have the time)! 

 

So when I encountered an unfamiliar term, my mind was probably subconsciously trying to fit it into a familiar lexicon. But sounds like an individual child's description of her own hair. That's cool! New term to add to all the black girl/black woman hair fabulousness!  

 

Do tell us the name of the book when it comes out - always looking for children's books that positively represent black hair.

[Ottakee]

Slojo.....and others African American/Black women here (which term do you prefer???  I was taught AA was the "correct" way but in the transracial adoption world, Black is the preferred term)  

 

If any of you are willing to read the text of the book and give me feedback, please private message me. The first book in the series is going to print in Feb. and hopefully this one by April or May.  Funding is in place, publisher in place, illustrator in place, just need to finalize the text this week.  Since it involves the possibly controversial  story of a young black girl and her 2 younger brothers being adopted by a white family, they want to make sure there is nothing offensive in the book to people of color, adoptees, transracial families, etc.

 

The first book is about a young boy who is adopted and adjusting to his family and dealing with the feelings of "You're not my REAL mom".....again black child adopted by white parents.

 

I will try to send a link tomorrow.  One is not working right now but they might be updating the website overnight.  Try this one though for a video and some great information https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1367769515/as-real-as-it-gets-a-picture-book-for-older-adopte/description

 

My friend is an awesome mother of 3 adopted children, 2 bio children and one teen guardianship placement. She said there were no books out there to read to her kids as they were growing up that showed the reality of their family.......white parents, black children, the adjustments, etc.

[Slojo]

Slojo.....and others African American/Black women here (which term do you prefer???  I was taught AA was the "correct" way but in the transracial adoption world, Black is the preferred term)  

 

If any of you are willing to read the text of the book and give me feedback, please private message me. The first book in the series is going to print in Feb. and hopefully this one by April or May.  Funding is in place, publisher in place, illustrator in place, just need to finalize the text this week.  Since it involves the possibly controversial  story of a young black girl and her 2 younger brothers being adopted by a white family, they want to make sure there is nothing offensive in the book to people of color, adoptees, transracial families, etc.

 

The first book is about a young boy who is adopted and adjusting to his family and dealing with the feelings of "You're not my REAL mom".....again black child adopted by white parents.

 

For everyone else interested, you can check out http://www.westolivepress.com for some previews of the first book and to pre order it.

 

My friend is an awesome mother of 3 adopted children, 2 bio children and one teen guardianship placement. She said there were no books out there to read to her kids as they were growing up that showed the reality of their family.......white parents, black children, the adjustments, etc.

They are roughly interchangeable for me, depending on the context. Some people have strong feelings about one or the other, but I really hear both. I tend to use AA in more formal situations, and when I am in multiracial settings. I tend to use black within group, when I know everyone personally, and when I am speaking less formally. I can kind of get why "black" might be preferred in some circles, though I don't know specifically why that's the case in the transracial adoption world. 

 

On the book, I'll PM you -- and happy to read it. I'm good friends with a black transracial adoptee who has written three books on the subject and travels the country speaking about transracial adoption. She might be a good resource (if you can catch her). 

[Whereneverever]

There's a really popular blog (with a book) about a white mom with an adopted black daughter that extensively covers hair... http://www.chocolatehairvanillacare.com/

[Ottakee]

They are roughly interchangeable for me, depending on the context. Some people have strong feelings about one or the other, but I really hear both. I tend to use AA in more formal situations, and when I am in multiracial settings. I tend to use black within group, when I know everyone personally, and when I am speaking less formally. I can kind of get why "black" might be preferred in some circles, though I don't know specifically why that's the case in the transracial adoption world. 

 

On the book, I'll PM you -- and happy to read it. I'm good friends with a black transracial adoptee who has written three books on the subject and travels the country speaking about transracial adoption. She might be a good resource (if you can catch her). 

Thanks for your input.

 

I think that in the transracial group they prefer Black as not all people with dark skin are African American.  They might be Haitian, Ethiopian, etc. and not from the US.  On the flip side, my daughter's bio mom referred to herself as African American as she was from African but an American now.....but was a White African.

 

I just want to use the term that people are most comfortable.  I know that my dh is Native/Indian and for him, he doesn't mind either term and uses them both socially and within his extended family.  For others though I know they have a strong preference and some prefer to be referred to by their tribe/nation.

 

Your friend would be a great resource.  Amanda is working hard on this but in our area, it is almost all white families that have adopted black children (some through foster care, some infants, and some internationally).

[Sneezyone]

Slojo.....and others African American/Black women here (which term do you prefer??? I was taught AA was the "correct" way but in the transracial adoption world, Black is the preferred term)

 

If any of you are willing to read the text of the book and give me feedback, please private message me. The first book in the series is going to print in Feb. and hopefully this one by April or May. Funding is in place, publisher in place, illustrator in place, just need to finalize the text this week. Since it involves the possibly controversial story of a young black girl and her 2 younger brothers being adopted by a white family, they want to make sure there is nothing offensive in the book to people of color, adoptees, transracial families, etc.

 

The first book is about a young boy who is adopted and adjusting to his family and dealing with the feelings of "You're not my REAL mom".....again black child adopted by white parents.

 

I will try to send a link tomorrow. One is not working right now but they might be updating the website overnight. Try this one though for a video and some great information https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1367769515/as-real-as-it-gets-a-picture-book-for-older-adopte/description

 

My friend is an awesome mother of 3 adopted children, 2 bio children and one teen guardianship placement. She said there were no books out there to read to her kids as they were growing up that showed the reality of their family.......white parents, black children, the adjustments, etc.

I prefer black or of African descent but am cool with AA in professional settings. I'd be happy to read but have several TRA adoptive families in my social circle that would be happy to help as well (and may be better equipped). One is a two-mom family (foster-adopt), most of us adopted domestic newborns though.

[imagine.more]

Not at all.

 

I have several friends who have adopted black children, mostly from African countries.

 

One mom spends almost an hour PER girl doing hair when she has to do it.

 

Another mom doesn't, but she gets so many comments from AA women berating her for "not taking care of that child's hair!"

Pshaw, an hour?! That's nothing, it takes me 2-4 hours to do my Puerto Rican daughters' hair when i do it up in lots of braids! Lol! An hour is when I'm being lazy and letting half her hair be free. On the other hand it's easier on a day-to-day basis than my white daughter with fine flyaway blonde hair that has to be done twice a day to look halfway decent. :)

[Ottakee]

The first book in the series As Real as It Gets is IN MY HAND.....ok, it was before I started typing this update.

 

The first book covers the "you're not my real mom" struggles that many foster and adoptive children experience.  It is a picture book story of a young black boy adopted by white parents who is struggling with this very issue.  In the book children will be resassured that what they're feeling is normal and parents will be, too.

 

Check it out at www.westolivepress.com  Books are ready to ship (and yours truly will be helping to label, pack and mail them to you)  I have no financial interest in these books, just a passion for books for foster and adoptive families.

[Catalytic]

The first book in the series As Real as It Gets is IN MY HAND.....ok, it was before I started typing this update.

 

The first book covers the "you're not my real mom" struggles that many foster and adoptive children experience.  It is a picture book story of a young black boy adopted by white parents who is struggling with this very issue.  In the book children will be resassured that what they're feeling is normal and parents will be, too.

 

Check it out at www.westolivepress.com  Books are ready to ship (and yours truly will be helping to label, pack and mail them to you)  I have no financial interest in these books, just a passion for books for foster and adoptive families.

 

Sorry to be dense, but will they literally be in the mail within a week if I order one?  (Moving soon, so if they won't ship really soon, I'll wait til I have a new address)

[Ottakee]

Sorry to be dense, but will they literally be in the mail within a week if I order one? (Moving soon, so if they won't ship really soon, I'll wait til I have a new address)

If you order one, it can be in the mail tomorrow. PM me and we can work out the details. The author is heading to Chicago at the moment as her son (one featured in the book) just had a stem cell transplant last Friday and she is heading back there until her husband takes over again. I can get a book from her house and mail it right out to you.