SKL Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 I am sure this is not a new topic for anyone. The parents at kiddy ball games. But I am curious about how it evolves. Last year in U8, generally the parents were all positive or at least they shut up or limited their comments to their own kids. Now in U10, where the kids are currently age 7-9, it seems to me positive, encouraging comments shoulds stil be the norm. (Note, there is a separate league for "travel soccer" if rec soccer is too laid back for you.) But I see more and more people getting too serious and too negative about it. "Girls at this age should not ever make that kind of mistake" etc. And some parents screaming to their kid as if they'd better do xyz or else! Rec soccer is open to everyone age eligible who wants to play. Why do some people act like the stakes are high? Let's all just have a good time, people. Laugh when something is ridiculous. Your day will be happier. I definitely don't see us continuing in soccer when my kids are U12 age. Still debating about next year, year 2 of U10. Anyone drop out of soccer this young because some people just don't know how to have fun? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
City Mouse Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Yep, been there.Done that. My DS was so excited to finally have a chance to play soccer after we moved. We live in a very rural area so there are no choices in teams unless we want to drive even further away. Unfortunately, the one parent who coaches my DSs age group is just like what you describe, and so is the coaches' kid. After one particularly horrible game, we just gave up. It still makes me feel bad for my DS that he did not get to have the same experience playing soccer as his dad and I each did as kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 I think it might be time for rec leagues to have different divisions not just for age, but competitiveness. They could have a beginner division for new and non-athletic players and one or two more for intermediate and advanced players. The way they do it now is frustrating for both new and advanced players, just like one-size-fits-all is in school. I think many parents would like having something more competitive, but closer to home than travel soccer. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Our league is still pretty laid back probably because in the U14 (which my oldest son is in) there are only 4 teams. Everyone who takes soccer the slightest bit seriously are in the travel teams. As the ages decrease there are more teams. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 My oldest played soccer from age 4 to 10 and then HE got sick of the competitiveness that started the previous couple years. And we were always doing rec soccer - no traveling team or anything like that. I think part of the problem with breaking it down more is lots of kids who have these insane parents that instill these hyper competitive attitudes in their kids aren't necessarily better players than the other kids there. On my kids team there was definitely a range of abilities, but I didn't think any of them were so stand out they needed their own team to play with. The more serious kids would do more expensive and far flung travel teams. Anyway - I can't imagine a parent yelling something like that at a youth athletic event at ANY age, including through high school. That is beyond obnoxious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nart Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Sit away from those parents. I like to sit on the sideline near the goals since most people cluster toward the center. If your girls are having fun ignore the other parents who are too intense. My youngest plays in a primarily Hispanic league (with goalkeepers, scores and standings, and lots of intense parents) and on an AYSO u7 team. I signed him up for AYSO for social reasons since teams tend to be comprised of kids from the same school. I thought it would be less intense. I now have to sit away from most parents on the AYSO team because too many of them keep commenting about the score or look at me like I am crazy when I cheer a kid from the other team who made a nice move or pass. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa B Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Our U-10 is very supportive. Even the most competitive parents try and scale it back and stick to encouraging comments only. Our local travel team picks up the best/most competitive players though. I'm hoping U-12 is just as supportive, as my ds moved up to that level and starts practice sometime in the next week or two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Doesn't happen here, even at club level. We have AYSO which is very laid back and positive. But even on my daughter's club team we have very positive, supportive parents and I would say we typically encounter the same from other teams in our league. People cheer the kids on--great moves, great effort, goals, almost-goals, etc. People also acknowledge great moves by the other team--"Wow, that was a great save--good shot, but she had a great save." Every once in awhile we may see some jerkiness at a tournament, so I know such behavior exists, but people are keeping it fun and supportive where we play. I will say that AYSO numbers get smaller and smaller as you age up. Kids either jump to club or drop soccer for other activities starting as early as U10, a lot of drop-off in U12, and U14 and older have to play other towns because there aren't enough players for multiple teams. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 27, 2015 Author Share Posted September 27, 2015 My kids will qualify for school sports next year, so we don't really "need" soccer, but I like the sport. I kind of wish some people would move up to travel so the rest of us could relax. But then I guess we wouldn't win very often. :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 My kids have played rec league for years. None of them have tried out for the competitive team. My older two haven't played in a few years but youngest is on a U10 team this fall. The parents are a mixed bag. I have found that competitive parents tend to still be competitive or even more so, but there are less kids playing so the competitive ones become a higher percentage. Our league pushes for parents to cheer for the players, and leave coaching and reffing to the coach and ref. Some parents seem to have a hard time with this. I hear them making rude comments about some of the players and it bothers me. The coach actually just sent out a reminder letter politely telling parents to behave themselves. DS hasn't played in the last few game because of a foot injury, but the last game he played he got so frustrated with the parents yelling at him to do things constantly that he walked off the field. If he quits soccer, which he loves playing, it will be due to the pushy parents, which is pretty sad. I like that our league really pushes that the game is for fun. They even have signs around the field about it. I just wish all of the parents would pay attention and just enjoy the game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Heh, maybe some leagues need an extra ref just to go around giving the parents yellow and red cards! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Heh, maybe some leagues need an extra ref just to go around giving the parents yellow and red cards! Our rec league refs are actually pulling cards on parents this season. I'm not sure why, because I've never seen a problem, but this is our first year on the big field. I've only ever seen one bad coach and never a parent yelling or commenting at someone else's kid. DS plays U10. I think our soccer-happy region so has many options for competitive and select and travel ball, plus nearly every Catholic kid in this heavily Catholic area plays CYC, the rec leagues actually stay fun and instructional. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 We haven't done team sports in a couple of years, because here people act insane even with the smallest of kids. It's ridiculous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 I overheard a mom a few years ago talking about 3 year olds getting benched for not playing well. My thought was, "3?! Some of them may still be in diapers." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ItoLina Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 My kids play club soccer, which is competitive, but for the most part the parents stay pretty positive or limit their comments to their own kids. Although it probably helps that our league allows refs to fine parents if they get too crazy on the sideline. Our club makes it very clear that they will not pay fines given to parents and that your kid won't be allowed to play until YOU pay your fine. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 That is why we left one league - parents cursing their own children! We moved to a travel league where parents were given stern warnings. Some dads actually sat in their cars because they could not control themselves! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Yep, the parent competition starts way to early in rec soccer here. DS15 (then younger, obviously) had a great time on a team with an awesome, supportive, every-plays, every-learns attitude. DS was, in a word, horrible. He could focus on the ball, or focus on his body, but not both at the same time. And the coach remained encouraging. When DS was about 10-11, a few other kids started the eye-rolling. It was shut down by the coach whenever he saw it. But then we had a "lovely" mom sit in front of us one day. DS was near us, ripe for a pass...and pass it neatly to the opposing team. In a loud voice, the mom said, "Why do they even let that kid play!" Last season of soccer for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamaraby Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Ds plays U10, club soccer which feeds into the competitive teams that start at U11. Parents aren't supposed to coach from the sidelines and they definitely aren't supposed to say negative stuff. I am the only parent who follows the first rule. The other parents tend to coach their own kids from the sidelines and otherwise have supportive comments for other people's kids (stuff like "it's ok keeper, nothing you could have done to stop that" or "nice kick!"). Last year (and the years before) my kids played Y soccer and the kinds of things that parents said were more in line with the OP. I think it just depends on how the group culture handles things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 I am sure this is not a new topic for anyone. The parents at kiddy ball games. But I am curious about how it evolves. Last year in U8, generally the parents were all positive or at least they shut up or limited their comments to their own kids. Now in U10, where the kids are currently age 7-9, it seems to me positive, encouraging comments shoulds stil be the norm. (Note, there is a separate league for "travel soccer" if rec soccer is too laid back for you.) But I see more and more people getting too serious and too negative about it. "Girls at this age should not ever make that kind of mistake" etc. And some parents screaming to their kid as if they'd better do xyz or else! Rec soccer is open to everyone age eligible who wants to play. Why do some people act like the stakes are high? Let's all just have a good time, people. Laugh when something is ridiculous. Your day will be happier. I definitely don't see us continuing in soccer when my kids are U12 age. Still debating about next year, year 2 of U10. Anyone drop out of soccer this young because some people just don't know how to have fun? Last year, on a team for boys at U12, we had some parents like that and actually the coach finally went postal on them and told them to quit or join a competition team if they didn't like it! Pretty harsh but they totally deserved it. This year he formed a new team, kicked off the spoilers, and they are doing pretty well. I don't know how common this is. If I were you I'd consider asking the league for another team or splitting off if your girls like soccer but aren't having fun on the team. You can be the fun team. I know you don't have time to coach but the coach might go with you. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 My dd refs for intramural soccer. She has been having problems with one of the coaches, who stated from the beginning that this is his first time coaching. He gets mad when he thinks someone is offsides and she doesn't call it. She doesn't call it because it is not offsides and she explains why. Last week he apologized to his team,loud enough for dd to hear, that they have a ref who doesn't understand the rules. Another coach, who saw/heard the whole thing told the coach his behavior is unacceptable and that the ref is making the right calls and that it is he who doesn't understand the rules. Dd has been told to card the coach if he acts this way again. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 27, 2015 Author Share Posted September 27, 2015 Well, that's another thing - the refs make mistakes, and to me, it's like oh well, rec soccer, whatcha gonna do? But some people get a little angry. I guess we have different ideas of what we signed up for. Anyway, I'm really glad we've had the opportunity to do rec soccer so far. It's my kids' only team sport so far. We win some, we lose some, and I kinda like it that way. I don't think the kids hear everything I hear on the sidelines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 My young son played rec soccer for a few years. He's not particularly athletic, but he seemed to enjoy it. He had a very competitive coach who would give the less athletic players less time on the field (against the rules as all players were to have equal playing time) and once even put his much younger twin sons in the game *while kids who were actually on the team were sitting on the sidelines*. One mom took her child, left that game, and didn't come back. My son never wanted to play soccer after that year and I can't really blame him. It seems adults are usually the ones who ruin sports for children. Another time, my teenage son was the ref for some rec games for young elementary players. He had played soccer for over 12 years at that point and knew the game. For some reason the field lines had not been painted and he said it was difficult to see when a ball or player was out when he was watching from certain angles so he knew he was making some mistakes. The moms who were coaching were so rude to him and screaming at him and he finally told them he would make them leave or forfeit the game if they didn't stop. It turned out to be some moms I know, so I said, "Hey, I heard you had some issues with a ref last week." They said, "Yes, he was making some bad calls and we were angry!" so I smiled and replied, "That's my son. He said it was really hard to ref without the lines and with coaches screaming at him." They were *so* embarrassed and I didn't feel bad reminding them that the ref they were treating poorly was a neighbor's child. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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