Moxie Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Is there any help for it?? DH has a very high-stress job. He has always worked long hours. I try to not talk about it because it will just cause him stress and he makes all the money for 7 people to live--no small task! Ds started high school this year. DH was going to get up at 5 with me, work out and go to work at 8. I was going to take the boy to the bus at 7. Instead, DH has decided to go into work early so he takes ds and now works from 7-7 with no time to exercise. That isn't healthy. I can't fix this, can I?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Is his job sedentary? That would be more cause for worry but even so, I agree that it isn't your job to fix this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Nope only he can fix it. I'd ask why he changed plans and note the new plan leaves no room for exercise but that is as far as I'd go. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 , DH has decided to go into work early so he takes ds and now works from 7-7 with no time to exercise. Since he takes your oldest to the bus in the morning, I'll just treat it as bonding time. Does he work on weekends? if not you can try to plan some family exercise time. Or would he be willing to go for after dinner strolls? There are times of the year my hubby work crazy long hours. We do a lot of leisure walking because that's the form of exercise that he prefers. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Sorry :grouphug: You really can't fix it. My dh is much the same way and I finally gave up. He's an adult. He doesn't need me to be his mother. My trying to pursue healthier habits with him just felt to him like another thing he "had" to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 You can't change him. Can you go for a walk after dinner? And incorporate exercise for the whole family on weekends? (To be honest, I could never work out at 5am.) 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 You can't change him. Can you go for a walk after dinner? And incorporate exercise for the whole family on weekends? (To be honest, I could never work out at 5am.) Working out at 5 was his routine all last year, he just fell out of the habit. He is so much happier with regular exercise, which he knows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 My husband does the same, so I don't have good advice. He gets his exercise playing eith the kids and doing heavy projects on the weekend. I try not to rag on him. His hours make me crabby :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 You are still going to work out at five, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Nope, you can't fix this. My husband works 60h weeks and still works out regularly. I arrange life to maximize family time for when he is home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 You are still going to work out at five, right? Nope, I work out at 8 after I drop the other kids off. Guys, this isn't me annoyed that DH isn't exercising. He worked out at 5 for years and fell out of the habit over the winter. He was looking forward to school starting to reset the routine. He took ds to school the first day and realized he could get to work an hour earlier if he did that everyday instead of me taking ds as we had planned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Beyond suggestions of things that might fit his schedule assuming he wants to exercise, no--I don't think you can fix it. Hubby does high intensity interval training partly because it takes far less time to stay fit. He has a standing desk thing at work too, though I imagine that wouldn't fly in some work environments. His physical fitness choices, though, are his. I'm sure if he were in control of me I'd be less sedentary. If I were in control of him he'd eat far less simple carbs and sweets. Hopefully he'll decide to find a way to fit in some movement. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Nope, I work out at 8 after I drop the other kids off. Guys, this isn't me annoyed that DH isn't exercising. He worked out at 5 for years and fell out of the habit over the winter. He was looking forward to school starting to reset the routine. He took ds to school the first day and realized he could get to work an hour earlier if he did that everyday instead of me taking ds as we had planned. Then I'm not sure what you are annoyed about. Is it that he changed his mind? Is it that you have less couple time? That he's taking your ds instead of you? Is it that he's working more? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 No, you can't fix it. I do work out regularly, but would resent someone trying to get me back in my routine, especially if I were already working a bunch of hours outside the home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Then I'm not sure what you are annoyed about. Is it that he changed his mind? Is it that you have less couple time? That he's taking your ds instead of you? Is it that he's working more? I'm frustrated that DH had an extra hour to sleep/eat/read/exercise/whatever and it got filled by going to the office early. Like I said, his life is out of balance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 It's his choice. You probably don't know all of everything going on at his work. If exercise is important to him, and he's choosing work instead, he must have a good reason. It's his job. It's his body. It's his decision. Take care of you and yours. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I'm frustrated that DH had an extra hour to sleep/eat/read/exercise/whatever and it got filled by going to the office early. Like I said, his life is out of balance. Does he like his work? ETA: I am asking this because I am surrounded by people who love what they do for their jobs, To them, phrasing the issue as" job" vs "life" would be incomprehensible, because they consider their work of utmost importance for their quality of life and could not imagine being without it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Part of his hour got filled by taking your son to school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 All you can do is be a good example, encourage him to do things with you and the kids when he is not working and plan good vacations. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Did you go work out with him at five before he fell out of the habit? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I think this is on him. My guess is that he will do it for a while, and then stop, just like the exercising. Or maybe he will see that the only way to control his overtime is to go in later. I do know the feeling that once I'm up and around I should just go right to work and dig in. And I would not be thrilled if anyone got in my way, particularly if I were helping the family as a whole by picking up a key driving responsibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tm919 Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I would agree with others, there may be a good reason. I work "long" hours some weeks (I work part-time from home) and some days I'm up at 4 AM to work, and working again as soon as the kids are asleep (my husband is gone 12 hours a day so it's just me with them during the day)... I do it because there seems to be no option, since having good balance means risking my job a year or two out. Being honest, when my husband tells me to relax, exercise, or take some time for myself, it irks me... I know how out of balance things are, but the other option is financially risky for our family. I feel like it's a risk I can't take. I'm not saying that he's in a similar situation where he feels like the financial weight of the family is resting on his shoulders and he can't take risks, but that there might be more to the story he isn't expressing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinsomeCreek Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Only he can fix it- and he has to want to. I'm right there with you. If it helps any, we actually went to a counselor and talked through it. It took seeing how passionately Dh spoke about his job, these being his earning years, his ability to make a difference etc for me to really get it. Your Dh found value in the extra time at work. If he doesn't want balance then I don't think there's anything you can do. It's nice that he's taking your ds. "Hi" from one single-married mom to the others out there. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I feel your pain. Dh left the house at 6:15 this morning and it is now 7:30 p.m. and he isn't home. He works way too long hours and sometimes he does physical work which he isn't suppose to do much of....but he is a grown man. I just rub his back and try not to fret. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyGF Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 My husband sometimes goes to work early because he finds an hour before 8 am is worth two hours after 8 am. Before 8 am he isn't constantly bombarded by other people; after 8 am he is. The other things he does sometimes is go to work after putting the kids to bed. Does your husband work in finance? This isn't a particularly stress-free time in that field... Emily 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 My husband has his own business so he works a minimum of 50 hours a week, often 60. He works from home most of the time and on site sometimes. Between the extreme weather here and the demands of owning a business, he doesn’t exercise like he knows he should. I try to do what I can to make fewer demands on him at home because of all the pressure he’s under at work. I think it’s OK for you to have a calm discussion with him telling him it looks to you like his life is off balance. You can tell him you’re worried about how you think it’s affecting his health and relationships. Once you have, you’ve done all you can do. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandBoys Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Does he like his work? ETA: I am asking this because I am surrounded by people who love what they do for their jobs, To them, phrasing the issue as" job" vs "life" would be incomprehensible, because they consider their work of utmost importance for their quality of life and could not imagine being without it. This is an excellent point. I was subjected to a lot of unsolicited judgement this summer from certain people who had decided my husband was a work-a-holic. Upon further listening to their own complaints about their spouses, it became clear that their husbands had similar behaviors (not exercising, not engaging as much as the wife/kids desired in family time, not doing household projects). The "difference" was that their husbands engaged in their hobbies (building things, fixing cars, gardening) instead of being with the family, while my spouse works instead of being with the family. My husband loves his job. Seriously, he adores it. These men work at jobs they dislike to support their families (certainly admirable), so they have hobbies. My husband's work is his hobby. If he could find another hour to work each day, he would take it in a heartbeat. It makes me cranky. (I admit I'd be slightly less cranky if all those hours earned enough money for me to be able to hire a babysitter or house cleaning service.) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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