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How long after a move did it take for you to feel settled in your new place?

staceyobu

By staceyobu,
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Amira

Amira

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There are so many different ways to look at this. Home is where my family is, right now, and the place where we're living, even if it's just for a few days and I feel like home in that way really quickly. It takes a few weeks to learn how to deal with basic life in a new place. In a few months I'm feeling pretty comfortable with our new location and settled enough.

 

But to really feel settled in the way I think you mean it? That's something that doesn't happen until at least the second year for me, when I can anticipate seasonal changes and local holidays, when other people around me are used to me and not still getting to know me, when I can cook comfortably with whatever I can find locally, when we've finally found good activities for the boys. I rarely get a second year in any place and I've noticed a huge difference when I do get it, no matter where I am in the world. Even if the two years aren't consecutive, it makes a big difference.

 

It's entirely normal to not feel settled after just six weeks.

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rose

rose

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I read an article years ago about the challenge that moving from one city to another is for women. Men seem to have an easier time feeling at home. For woman though, relationships take a long time to really feel comfortable. If I remember right the article said that it can take a year or two for women to really feel at home. 

 

From my experience I think that this is right. Our home is our nest but we need to feel like our nest is in a safe location. I think that can really only come about when we have safe relationships outside outside of our actual house.

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staceyobu

staceyobu

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But to really feel settled in the way I think you mean it? That's something that doesn't happen until at least the second year for me, when I can anticipate season changes and local holidays, when other people around me are used to me and not still getting to know me, when I can cook comfortably with whatever I can find locally, when we've finally found good activities for the boys. I rarely get a second year in any place and I've noticed a huge difference when I do get it, no matter where I am in the world. Even if the two years aren't consecutive, it makes a big difference.

 

It's entirely normal to not feel settled after just six weeks.

Yes. I think this is more what I mean. I mean, our family is together and healthy and happy, so I'm not drowning in despair or anything. I just still have to look in 8 cabinets to remember which one I put the bowls in. I have to stop running through the neighborhood and check the map to figure out how to get back to the house. Getting together with others is stressful because I don't really know them yet. I'm just ready for it to all feel totally normal instead of confusing and stressful.

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Amira

Amira

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Yes. I think this is more what I mean. I mean, our family is together and healthy and happy, so I'm not drowning in despair or anything. I just still have to look in 8 cabinets to remember which one I put the bowls in. I have to stop running through the neighborhood and check the map to figure out how to get back to the house. Getting together with others is stressful because I don't really know them yet. I'm just ready for it to all feel totally normal instead of confusing and stressful.

:grouphug: It's hard. One thing I try to remember is that, even though some days it seems like it's not getting better, it does slowly and consistently get easier overall. And I try to focus on what is going well that day (I ran errands without getting lost! I cooked a healthy dinner! I found a public library that's closer to my house!).

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Mergath

Mergath

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We moved early this year, and it took around six months for me to feel truly comfortable in our new home. I still don't feel completely comfortable in our new town, though. We moved ten miles from our old town, and when I drive there to get groceries and stuff, it's a bit of a relief because it feels more familiar. When I go for a walk or run errands here, I still feel like an outsider. 

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imagine.more

imagine.more

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Typically 1.5 years. When we hit that second year and start experiencing the same seasons/holidays again in the same place it feels more like home. I know where to go to watch the 4th of July fireworks, I know where to take the kids pumpkin picking, I know when the summer heat will finally ease up and transition to fall, etc. Also, driving just takes a good year to feel comfortable to me as well and relationships take at least 1.5 years to get going and feel like you have good friends to call in a pinch or for a last-minute girls' night out. Some places we've lived never felt like home but the good places invariably felt like home at the 1.5 year mark. 

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J-rap

J-rap

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Home as in the actual house, or more of an emotional feeling of being part of the community?

 

I think I felt at home, physically in my house, after about 6 months.  In my community?  Probably a couple years, but even then, I still felt like the newcomer.  (We're in a small town, which probably has something to do with that.) 

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Paige

Paige

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We've been here 2 months and don't feel completely settled. We feel pretty comfortable but until all the stupid boxes are gone and we can get things set up we won't feel settled. We can't get rid of the boxes or unpack because we have a damage claim with the moving company and they require us to keep everything and we don't have room to put new furniture in until the broken stuff comes out. I'm starting to hate them. 

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MyHandsAreFull

MyHandsAreFull

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We moved about 8 weeks ago to a new state. I still don't feel settled. We still have some boxes that haven't been opened and things I can't find. This house is much larger than our old one and some rooms have no furniture so the kids take this to mean it must be a playground for running and roughhousing.

 

On the bright side, I really like the new area. People are very nice here and I feel like we fit in a little better here.

 

But, it still feels very new and different. Not settled.

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teachermom2834

teachermom2834

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We moved 3 months ago. Surprisingly the house felt comfortable pretty fast. I guess a house is just a house to me. I thought I was feeling settled because we have great neighbors we bonded with immediately. But, as all the school year activities started last week and every single thing we do is new and we don't know anyone anywhere ever or what door to enter in, etc. I feel very overwhelmed and very unsettled. I am thinking it might take a long time.

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The Girls' Mom

The Girls' Mom

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It has always depended on the house and the move for me.  I've had some places that I never did feel settled in, and I've had places that I felt at home as soon as I walked through the door.  We lived in a house in TX for only a year, but it instantly felt like home, and I'm still irked over leaving.  

 

We moved back "home" to an area that I've lived in for a combined 15 years or so, and it doesn't feel like home.  We've been back for 3 years.  If offered, I'd pack up and move back to TX tomorrow.  

 

 

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