Chronically bored 4yo is driving me nuts!

[rose]

I'm open for suggestions. My 4yo ds is a lovely little boy but he is causing so much trouble whenever I'm trying to allow both my big kids to do school or chores at the same time. He whines and complains all day because he's bored. He'll rotate between playing with toys, cut and paste, drawing, climbing a tree, play dough and looking at books. Nothing seems to carry him longer than about five to ten minutes because he's done them all before and is craving stimulation. If I give him something new he can last quite awhile on the activity so I don't think that it's an ADHD sort of thing. He's also not a very active child so I don't think that it's an exercise issue. Even after a walk he'll be immediately bored.

 

One thing that I've noticed is that he seems to have almost no imagination. I try to encourage him to play with dd2 who is perfectly content on her own and has a lovely imagination but these sorts of games don't seem to grab his interest much. It's like he just can't get into role playing. He'll pretend to knit and he'll build model farms with blocks and toy animals so his imagination isn't completely non-existent.

 

I will say that I do try to engage him and give him new stimulation as much as I can. I also try to give him some exercise every day.

 

I'm so glad he's not an only child.  :ohmy:

 

Besides going out and buying him a ton of toys or always having someone assigned to him constantly do you have any suggestions?

[Starr]

Rotate his toys. Set up a schedule for him preschool style with toy time, art time, book time, work time (he's old enough for chores) outside time etc and give him choices of two or three things so he learns to chose for himself.And don't forget an hour of alone time for everyone on their beds in the afternoon! I wouldn't keep buying new things.  I don't know, just a few thoughts. My kids were in preschool but not elementary school. 

[LibraryLover]

Sand & water outside, cars in a dirt pit with 2 by 4 ramps? A tent made of blankets and a flashlight? Audio books? Different kind of play dough/slime. Have you seen the FB page An Everyday Story? Lots of good ideas there. Take away is always ' loose parts'. Kind of messy, but 4 yr olds tend to like sensory activities.

[Pink and Green Mom]

I remember one day out of sheer frustration giving my youngest around that age a small shovel (really a trowel type of thing) and a jug of water and told him to dig holes so we could plant flowers "someday". 

 

He spent half a day digging little holes and planting acorns, rocks, leaves, any little thing he could find.  HALF A DAY.  He was a mess afterwards but who cares?  Did I mention HALF A DAY?

[Miss Tick]

Not saying this is you (you sound as patient as a saint!), but sometimes in situations like this the words "I'm bored." (Or "Mom? Mom? Mom?" or "could you get me...") become a trigger for me. In that case, in addition to assessing the problem I have to suggest alternate wording.

 

I'm bored = can you suggest an activity for me?

That sounds a bit odd, I'm sure you can think of something better. I'm always amazed at the difference it makes in me to hear the words that I just TOLD you to say..

 

Eventually I responded with some chores I needed done, or with the comment that when I'm feeling bored it usually means my brain is too tired to make decisions and I should go lie down in a quiet place until I feel inspired. But not for a 4yo.

 

Good luck! Maintain your calm exterior!

[6packofun]

We made a "Bored Book" when my kids were younger.  We always take a bazillion photos at Christmas of the child with their new toys.  We got into the habit of taking photos of just the toys, too, new and old. So we put all of those in an album to REMIND the kid what toys he/she has!  lol  We also took photos of the sandbox or kiddie pool or whatever to have activities included, too.  Don't know what to do?  Look in the Bored Book.  (I know, it sounds like a lot of work, but it can be a fun project to go through the toy box and closet WITH your child...we almost always ended up starting a puzzle together or something that we found hidden away. :)  Starting something with a child as young as 4 for about 10-15 minutes and then leaving them to it has worked well, too, btw.)

[snickerplum]

Maybe activities with a goal/purpose/end? Encourage him in activities that he can see through to completion. Some open-ended things can become boring (when will this end?).

[Reefgazer]

I have a ten year old and was going to post here about exactly this.  Your post is almost exactly what I was going to post, especially the wording that is bolded, except mine hates crafts and music, which means he can't seem to come up with anything to do on his own.  He doesn't like my suggestions.  I actually don't know what to do with him, so I'm listening in.

 

At the moment, we've started school 3 weeks early, partly to stop him from whining about how bored he is. 

I'm open for suggestions. My 4yo ds is a lovely little boy but he is causing so much trouble whenever I'm trying to allow both my big kids to do school or chores at the same time. He whines and complains all day because he's bored. He'll rotate between playing with toys, cut and paste, drawing, climbing a tree, play dough and looking at books. Nothing seems to carry him longer than about five to ten minutes because he's done them all before and is craving stimulation. If I give him something new he can last quite awhile on the activity so I don't think that it's an ADHD sort of thing. He's also not a very active child so I don't think that it's an exercise issue. Even after a walk he'll be immediately bored.

 

One thing that I've noticed is that he seems to have almost no imagination. I try to encourage him to play with dd2 who is perfectly content on her own and has a lovely imagination but these sorts of games don't seem to grab his interest much. It's like he just can't get into role playing. He'll pretend to knit and he'll build model farms with blocks and toy animals so his imagination isn't completely non-existent.

 

I will say that I do try to engage him and give him new stimulation as much as I can. I also try to give him some exercise every day.

 

I'm so glad he's not an only child.  :ohmy:

 

Besides going out and buying him a ton of toys or always having someone assigned to him constantly do you have any suggestions?

 

[Meriwether]

Is he anywhere close to reading? My child who was similar started reading about four and then spent hours and hours each day reading. She still doesn't do imaginative play and loses interest in toys quickly. I've never gotten my money's worth out of her toys. Luckily for me, her younger brother makes good use of them.

[sewingmama]

Sounds like my Ds1 at that age. Turns out he was gifted and really needed to start school. He has a sister 15 months older then him and I just started teaching them together. Now at almost 8 he is still working in the same grade level as she is in everything.

 

Some kids just don't like toys. My DS only plays with them if his siblings are. He follows them around (mostly DD) and happily does whatever she is doing. He does have an imagination but it only seems to work when playing with someone else...on his own it turns off lol.

 

On the rare occaision he is home without siblings he reads, plays video games, watches tv or follows me around.

 

Maybe you could start teaching him to read. My DS taught himself at 4. Try out giving him some academic time. Giving more toys to a child who doesnt play with them will never hold their interest for long. My DS liked new toys for about 30 mins then never played with them again. He just isn't a toy kid which makes birthdays hard. Duplo and Lego have been about the only winners here for toys that hold interest.

 

Good luck.

[mommymonster]

A large tub with two liters of lentils. Hide pennies, other beans or bbs in the tub and then give him different things to sort the add-ins out. You can also get dollar store utensils to play with (measuring cups, funnels, etc). My youngest will play with lentils for hours.  :001_smile:

[City Mouse]

Find a friend who lives down the street or someone who can come over and play? When my DS was that age he would not do anything by himself. He didn't even want to watch tv alone. Nothing I could get or buy for him would keep him occupied for long. When I really needed a break, I would put him in his car seat and drive - sometime a long way to nowhere. Even now at 13, he is sitting on my bed playing his video games while I am online. He just doesn't like being alone.

I was so happy when he was finally old enough to play at a friend's house.

[abba12]

My eldest does not do toys, she has never sat and played with toys even as a baby. However she does have an imagination, so that has helped considerably now she is a bit older.

 

With her, we had success with jigsaws, especially since they had an end point (she does 100 piece ones now). 

She also liked being helpful (wash the windows, wipe the tables, dusting, that kind of thing). 

Simple but different things, play in the tupperware cupboard, play with pom poms, play with pattern blocks, play with pasta, play with the watering can, play with all sorts of things. The key was simple stuff that i already had, things which were not toys, and ONE thing at a time. She didn't get the pom poms and pipe cleaners and paper all at once, she got them individually on different days, which spread the variety and helped to focus her on one thing instead of being overwhelmed with choices, as an above poster mentioned.

 

I also found taking toys away, rather than adding them, helped. Re-organizing our toys to have one large toy set and 4 or 5 little toys out at a time, rotated weekly, did wonders for the boredom issue here. And I found even my anti-toy kiddo began requesting and playing with specific toys which were in storage. Kids get overwhelmed when theres too many options. 

[Anne in CA]

Another vote for taking away options. My oldest was always "bored" and she was actually happiest when she was grounded and had no screen time. She would pout for awhile and then find a project. 

[rose]

I don't know how well taking away toys would work for us. I think that some of the problem is that ds doesn't really have many toys that are suitable for his age. He's got play dough, lego (not much), a junky tool set, some toy cars and blocks. We've got a bunch of baby toys but not much else for him. There might be a few other things that are insignificant but that's really about it. I'm not interested in buying any more for multiple reasons (not the least is that our house is only 800 square feet).

[JenneinCA]

At four my oldest read books for hours and hours. She never complained about being bored.

At four my middle child built roller coasters on roller coaster tycoon. I didn't worry about screen time and let him play. In my defense the age difference between him and his younger brother is three and a half years. I was exhausted.

At four my youngest built with Legos for hours. He had all the accumulated Legos from the older kids and spent forever playing with them.

[purplejackmama]

Your son sounds similar to my youngest. It's exhausting for me. So, I have affectionately become known as the homeschooling mom who believes in preschool. I sent him last year 3 days a week and honestly, game changer. It was amazing how much we accomplished in our school work those 4-5 hours he was gone :)

[kbutton]

I'm open for suggestions. My 4yo ds is a lovely little boy but he is causing so much trouble whenever I'm trying to allow both my big kids to do school or chores at the same time. He whines and complains all day because he's bored. He'll rotate between playing with toys, cut and paste, drawing, climbing a tree, play dough and looking at books. Nothing seems to carry him longer than about five to ten minutes because he's done them all before and is craving stimulation. If I give him something new he can last quite awhile on the activity so I don't think that it's an ADHD sort of thing. He's also not a very active child so I don't think that it's an exercise issue. Even after a walk he'll be immediately bored.

 

One thing that I've noticed is that he seems to have almost no imagination. I try to encourage him to play with dd2 who is perfectly content on her own and has a lovely imagination but these sorts of games don't seem to grab his interest much. It's like he just can't get into role playing. He'll pretend to knit and he'll build model farms with blocks and toy animals so his imagination isn't completely non-existent.

 

I will say that I do try to engage him and give him new stimulation as much as I can. I also try to give him some exercise every day.

 

I'm so glad he's not an only child.  :ohmy:

 

Besides going out and buying him a ton of toys or always having someone assigned to him constantly do you have any suggestions?

 

Those things could all be normal, but in my son, they were red flags (ADHD plus other stuff). Novelty-seeking is an ADHD hallmark as well as a gifted kid hallmark. The "different" imagination is a (potential) red flag for other stuff.

 

Sounds like my Ds1 at that age. Turns out he was gifted and really needed to start school. He has a sister 15 months older then him and I just started teaching them together. Now at almost 8 he is still working in the same grade level as she is in everything.

 

Some kids just don't like toys. 

 

Both of these things were true for my son along with the red flags. He was ready for academics of some kind at 3-4. I spent huge amounts of time reading to him first thing in the AM, and that helped him the rest of the day, but he was still pretty intense. He also liked PBS shows and eventually videos such as Popular Mechanics for kids. He LOVES This Old House and Ask This Old House. The best thing that could happen for him, but not for our budget, is to hire a plumber, have a tree taken down, etc. He'd watch the entire time, and then he'd "do" the same work for days afterward. He'd gather anything he could use as a pretend saw or whatever the handyman needed, and he'd re-enact the process over and over to the tiniest detail. That's the only pretend he liked to do.

 

Your son sounds similar to my youngest. It's exhausting for me. So, I have affectionately become known as the homeschooling mom who believes in preschool. I sent him last year 3 days a week and honestly, game changer. It was amazing how much we accomplished in our school work those 4-5 hours he was gone :)

 

Also true with my son along with the red flags, though we weren't homeschooling at the time. He loved 2 afternoons per week at a Montessori preschool. He also did a weekly program at a local church--like VBS once per week without the over-the-top excitement part. They did stories, snack, playtime, songs, and crafts.

 

Oh, I forgot to include the post recommending useful things--some kids really dig real work. I think it's great for kids who need sensory input (seeking stimulation, especially) and for kids who just don't deal well with open-ended play for whatever reason. 

[Starr]

What would you like him to do all day?