GrammarGirl Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I want to be happy about another baby coming, but having had two miscarriages before I conceived my twins, who are now 2, I am feeling a bit numb and unable to even really hope that I will actually give birth in 7 1/2 months. My second pregnancy loss was a missed miscarriage: I continued to have all my pregnancy symptoms for weeks after the heartbeat stopped. So, even though I'm feeling exhausted and nauseated, I find it hard to say that I'm "pregnant." I feel more as if I have a "condition" that's causing these symptoms. The fact that I had a successful pregnancy after my miscarriages should be making me feel better, but instead I feel as though there's no way I will "beat the odds" again. Is what I'm feeling normal? How am I supposed to approach the next several weeks (e.g., what kind of conversation am I supposed to have with myself about my fears?) It's hard to tell anyone IRL about this. I always tell my mom about my pregnancies right away, and I did this time, but I almost wish I hadn't because I don't know how to handle other people's optimism. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 :grouphug: Oh, I remember that feeling :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimberly in IN Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I know and understand your feelings, but I have no words of wisdom to pass along. I pasted on a happy, optimistic face for others, but deep down I didn't think my pregnancy would result in a living baby ... until ... I delivered. I truly hope someone can pass along some comforting words for you. You very much deserve to enjoy this pregnancy. Hugs and prayers to you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 No BTDT, but that seems perfectly reasonable to me. I think even when things are going well and have always gone well we worry about stuff. I was the most unhappy pregnant person in the history of unhappy pregnant people. It was not a cake walk, but nothing super scary or tragic happened. So in your shoes...oh man I'd probably be worse than a wreck. So you sound pretty strong to me. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meadowlark Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I too remember feeling that way after a miscarriage. You just are so much aware and knowledgeable about everything, that it's so hard not to be a bundle of nerves. I think its normal. Just take one day at a time and pretty soon those days will turn into weeks and weeks into months. That's what I tried to tell myself, and my baby # 5 is almost 2! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 That feeling didn't go away until I actually had my baby. I think it totally normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrittanyM Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I know that feeling very well. My last pregnancy (which came after my son died at 33 weeks and I then had an ectopic pregnancy) I tried to focus on being thankful for my baby in the present. I spent most of the time praying he or she was okay and trying to be thankful. The beginning was very hard and I, too, felt better a few months in. Hugs to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Yes, that is normal. I had many miscarriages between my second and third children and I couldn't even make myself go to the doctor before 18 weeks when I was pregnant with my last son. I just wanted those first 15 weeks to disappear and when I still seemed to be pregnant at that point, I was able to go. A good ultrasound that far along was about all that was able to help. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrammarGirl Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 Thank you all for the cyber hugs and encouragement. It helps a great deal to know others have felt the same way. Ultimately, I know I just have to trust God! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I have a SIL who invested in a Doppler in her pregnancy after a miscarriage so she could check up on my nephew in there. She took great comfort in that. I hope you're able to feel better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I've had 2 miscarriages (one of which was a missed miscarriage). I've had 3 babies since that missed miscarriage and I still suffer from the denial/fear in early pregnancy that this will really happen. I no longer tell anyone before 15-20 weeks (since I never look pregnant this is easy to pull off) because I never want to untell people ever again. I'm always envious of those people who are like "I just found out I'm pregnant and baby is due ____" because I no longer have that innocence that just because I'm pregnant it will automatically mean I will have a baby at the end of it. I think your reaction is perfectly normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kentuckymom Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 No words of wisdom, just another encouragement that I'm someone who has been there too and I don't think there's anything wrong with you. When I was pregnant with my daughter (after an ectopic and two miscarriages) part of me was afraid she would be dead every single time I went to an OB appointment. Even when I went to deliver, a little part of me was afraid something would go horribly wrong. Nothing did go wrong and she's now a happy, healthy four year old, but I still remember what it felt like before she was born. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrammarGirl Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 I've had 2 miscarriages (one of which was a missed miscarriage). I've had 3 babies since that missed miscarriage and I still suffer from the denial/fear in early pregnancy that this will really happen. I no longer tell anyone before 15-20 weeks (since I never look pregnant this is easy to pull off) because I never want to untell people ever again. I'm always envious of those people who are like "I just found out I'm pregnant and baby is due ____" because I no longer have that innocence that just because I'm pregnant it will automatically mean I will have a baby at the end of it. I think your reaction is perfectly normal. When I found out I was pregnant with my twins, we told people at church right away because I needed the emotional support. It really eased my anxiety, which was off the charts; and I would have needed the comfort our church friends would have offered if I'd lost the twins. But now I just feel so morose, I don't think I could handle sharing the news, especially since my husband just became pastor of a church last month. It's a totally different dynamic being the pastor's wife, and I feel really vulnerable sharing something so personal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I remember this. I've had four miscarriages and four live births. Two of them were two miscarriages right in a row, and I remember feeling very nervous when I got pregnant again. I wanted to believe that the baby was going to be O.K....that I was really pregnant....that it would last, but it was hard. It was easier after the first trimester and then after the 17/18 week u/s. What I'm trying to say, is I think what you're feeling is completely normal. It's something that I bet your midwife or OB would understand too. Be gentle with yourself Mama. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 After a m/c I was in shock/denial until I held the last babe in arms. I also rented a hb monitor for the duration. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I had a twin missed miscarriage before our fourth child. I was nervous a lot during that pregnancy. Then, I had a miscarriage right before this pregnancy. I am 22 weeks along and have the flu. The doctors insisted I take tamiflu, I was that bad off. I am also being treated for a bacterial infection, so my nerves are pretty much shot. On top of that DH served stew meat I've been worried about (I even started a thread over it). Needless to say, I've been praying a lot. I totally get your feelings. Just hang in there... we don't really have another choice, anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 :grouphug: I understand what you are saying, though I haven't had that experience. For me, pregnancy just heightens all my fears and anxieties; maybe it is a hormonal thing. Are you getting enough good food, water and rest so your body isn't extra drained? Our last pastor's wife was a great example, to me, of being able to be vulnerable enough to ask for support; she had years of practice finding her balance in that role, though! If I were there, I'd want to hug you and bring you dinners! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIOnly Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 After a m/c I was in shock/denial until I held the last babe in arms. I also rented a hb monitor for the duration. Getting a doppler was going to be my recommendation. I checked about once a week until I could feel baby #5 moving. I had two miscarriages after our fourth. I've BTDT, OP, and hugs. It's so hard. Our little girl (after four boys) sure is cherished though. Hugs again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I'm so sorry you are having those feelings, but I did want to say congrats on #5! I've had 8 babies born since my miscarriage but I was a mess during all of my pregnancies. It was always in the back of my mind... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Is what I'm feeling normal? How am I supposed to approach the next several weeks (e.g., what kind of conversation am I supposed to have with myself about my fears?) Start with reminding yourself that it is normal, and even friendly, for your brain to employ this self protective mechanism. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Is what I'm feeling normal? How am I supposed to approach the next several weeks (e.g., what kind of conversation am I supposed to have with myself about my fears?) It's hard to tell anyone IRL about this. I always tell my mom about my pregnancies right away, and I did this time, but I almost wish I hadn't because I don't know how to handle other people's optimism. With one of my pregnancies, I was so afraid; I didn't want to talk about the baby or due date. I wasn't certain things were going to be fine. It took the baby being born for that feeling to go away. It's okay to feel this way. Talk to your doctor; with a good practitioner there's reassurance there. One doctor was dismissive of my feelings. Another was realistic but optimistic. I appreciated the difference and it went a long way to making me feel more relaxed, if not reassured. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 ((hugs)). I can relate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 :grouphug: Been there. I think it's normal when you've experienced a loss. I agree with the others that the feeling pretty much lasted until I was holding the baby in my arms. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristi26 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I worried over my rainbow baby until the day he was actually in my arms (even during my scheduled C-section I worried about him :( ). I think it's totally normal. Pray about it every time you're worried. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerileanne99 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Absolutely normal. After the birth of our first child we had 5 miscarriages in 5 years, 2 of them edging into the 2nd trimester. It was awful, and each time I swore I was not going to put myself or our family through it again. Now I am 30 weeks pregnant and still can't quite convince myself that everything will be fine. It has been a difficult pregnancy with several hospital trips...until I hold this baby in my arms I am not sure I will get there. Wishing you the very best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Normal. Try mind over matter techniques like meditating, praying, doing gentle exercise to get the happy hormones going. It's stressful, I know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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