What do you do when you realize a commitment you made and love is too much?

[pitterpatter]

I know many here aren't fans of Girl Scouts. That's not really what this thread is about. After jumping in with both feet last year (second year of Daisies), I took over the Brownie portion of our multi-level troop this past school year. When I commit to something, I COMMIT. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I know I am very, very good at being a troop leader. I have the right skills for it. The girls went from being bored every single meeting (because we pretty much did nothing) to being jumping up and down super excited. Attendance is nearly 100 percent now. We are earning badges, learning and having fun.

 

Problem is, as much as I love Girl Scouts, it's literally a full-time job for me. We only have two meetings a month, but I spend just about every "spare" moment working on Girl Scouts, preparing for those two meetings. My efforts are immense. I don't know how to do anything less than my absolute best. It's not satisfying to be any other way. Unfortunately, I already had a full-time job homeschooling. Yes, I only have one DD to teach, but it's the same deal...nothing less than my absolute best. I'm not even going to mention trying to be a plain ole mom, wife, maid, cook, etc. along with the other two jobs. Before Girl Scouts, I started designing curriculum helps to sell via Currclick when I could fit it in. My hope was to funnel all of that money into a college fund for DD. Yeah, that's so not happening now.

 

I spent all of last summer getting as much prepared for both Girl Scouts and this school year as I could. Ultimately, I ran out of time and now preparations for the two are clashing, overlapping. I'm not happy with the lack of time I have for school. It's not that it's not getting done. It is, as that takes top priority. I'm not satisfied with how well I'm doing my part, though. I feel rushed and stressed to get it done every day so I can work on tomorrow, get books ordered, lab supplies rounded up, etc. Then, there's Girl Scouts...always looming, looming, looming. I'm pretty well exhausted. I don't know how I can continue on as troop leader next year, but there is truly no one else in our troop up for the task. It would be a disservice to all involved (except me) to quit. Girl Scouts is DD's primary social outlet. If I quit, I don't see how DD could stay in the troop and I don't want to take that away from her.

 

Thanks for letting me ramble. Off to work on Girl Scouts. I'm way behind today now that I stopped and typed all that out. (Sigh.)

[Meadowlark]

No advice here but your post has really made me stop and think about possible future involvement in scouts. We have the same issue-subpar leaders which thus far has amounted to a less than ideal first scouting experience. Nobody wants to put the time or energy into it here. And so my thought is that if you want something done well, do it yourself. The problem is, I am JUST like you. What I do, I must give 100% and do well, it's ingrained in me. I get that mentality.

 

The only thing I can say is that those girls and especially your daughter are so so lucky to have you. I'm sure it's a thankless job, but if it's your daughters only social outlet, do you think you could continue on? I'd have a hard time stepping down knowing that it would be subpar with another leader. It would ease some stress not leading, but how would you feel taking her every time knowing it's just not a quality experience? My boys love going, but I secretly cringe every.single.time.

 

OTOH, you burning out is not good either. I would try to get another mom on board with you. Somebody, anybody to lighten your load. Can you find someone like that? Don't try to take it all on yourself-delegate! If nothing else, I as a parent would be incredibly grateful for a leader like you. Excellent leaders are few and far between-it sounds like you've found a niche, now you just have to share the work a bit. Best wishes!

[SKL]

In your situation, I'd take a hard look at what I cut out of Girl Scouts without dropping it all together.  I'd carve out a distinct segment (or segments) and tell the other moms that I either need someone else (or multiple parents) to volunteer to do that, or it's not going to get done in the future.

 

Also, you could probably spread out what you now do in 1 meeting into 2 meetings.  Let the girls spend the remaining time chilling and sharing about books they've read or goals they have etc.

 

Maybe you could have a sit-down with the previous leader (or leader of another scout group) and find out how they managed their expectations better.

[lewelma]

If you choose to keep being troop leader, I have a way to reduce you effort.  I've been in situations where there was simply too much work to do, and I have found it very effective to purposely procrastinate, to basically reduce the available time to get the task done.  So schedule in 2 days before every meeting to get all the prep work done.  2 days and only 2 days.  And make sure it is the 2 days right before the meeting, or when you feel you haven't gotten done everything you wanted, you will just take 3 or 4 days.  By restricting it to the 2 days right before the meeting, you are forced to prioritize.  Some stuff will get dropped, and that is ok, but it would allow you to remain leader while reducing the effort you are putting in.

 

Ruth in NZ

[Tsuga]

There was a recent New York Times article about this. It's a huge amount of work.

 

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/11/21/why-this-troop-leader-quit-the-girl-scouts/

 

The comments are also revealing (and generally not mean spirited).

 

You have to do what's right for your family. As for what I would do (not necessarily best for you): Set an end date, give it your all until then, and then leave.

 

[IsabelC]

Not sure what you are doing, but you seriously need to delegate! You shouldn't be spending more than 50-100% of the meeting time on your preparation - ie, if the Girl Scouts meet for 2 hours, your prep should be and hour to 2 hours at the absolute maximum, which would be 30-60 minutes per week (plus however many once-a-year big events you have, which again should preferably be done by a team/committee). If there is more stuff to do than that, either enlist more official helpers, or put all the other parents on a roster to do some of the work. I know you said that nobody else can do it as well as you, but surely there are people who can do it reasonably well? Or be taught to do it reasonably well? Because right now you are compromising on your role as parent and teacher to your daughter, and there isn't anyone who can replace you in that role. Maybe you need to work on your perfectionism issue and be more open to other people doing things the way they want to do them. Not trying to be rude, but it's not rocket science and while you may well be more skilled at the role than anyone else, that doesn't mean you need to control every single thing. You might even be scaring off perfectly capable potential helpers with your attitude.

[regentrude]

I understand about wanting to give your absolute best and not being satisfied with less. I know this from teaching college classes.

The best advice experienced faculty give to young instructors is: teaching well will take whatever time you are willing to give it. I found this to be true - and translatable to situations outside my job as well.

So, the only feasible way not to run yourself ragged and manage all components you want in your life is: allocate a FIXED amount of time to each task. Set aside X number of hours to devote to preparing Girl Scouts. During this time, go all out and do your very best. But when the time is over -that's it.. Whatever did not get done during this time won't get done, period.

 

It's the way I have survived teaching for a decade - otherwise I'd not be able to homeschool, have a family life, have time to myself. Perfectionists need to set boundaries to stay sane.

[ErinE]

Ask the other parents for help. You can be the guide, but they can do the preparation and teach.

 

I strongly dislike the amount of effort Girl Scouts requires for such young ages.

[RosieCotton]

School comes first.

 

Slow it down, and find another Mom to help you out!

 

There is so much going for you I'm sure it's nearly impossible to "keep up!"

 

I know this feeling, and it can be terrible.

 

Delegate what you create, and/or even step back and let others prep the nights for you.

 

If no one can help out, I wouldn't do it again next year. AND I'd tailor back your preps for theses meetings and ease up.

 

It's just too much!!  We are not robots!

 

 

[zarabellesmom]

As a FORMER girl scout leader, I feel your pain. Obviously I left, but only because my daughter decided dance was more important to her (now I'm at the dance studio four times a week. Whew.) Something has to give. You need a helper. You need a reliable helper and I know that seems like its a lot to ask. And you definitely need to delegate. Easier said than done, I'm sure.  

 

I guess what I really want to say, or ask, really is...  I know scouting is important to you and your daughter, but it comes at a price. Is the price--loss of time to do the other things you need and want to get done, like enjoying free time with your daughter, planning for school or just relaxing on your own--a price you are willing and able to pay? As mothers, I know we all sometimes try to play supermom and be the best at everything we do, but in reality that's just not possible. Something has to give. I hope its not your sanity.

 

T

[MotherOfBoys]

My mom was the president of our council plus a leader to many troops over the years. I totally resent the time she spent at meetings and not helping me with my homework, reading to me, or tossing a ball. Yes, we did fun things. Including a trip to England, Paris, and Georgia. Tons of museums. But it was all shared time with other girls. My homework was done in the middle of the night. I went to school exhausted and feeling like it wasn't important. The important thing was all the after school activities. She has since apologized. She was the leader everyone wanted. She did the paperwork (which there is lots of) and my Grandma did the crafts and personal stuff. They were a great pair. They helped other troops, too. But the expense was their family. Most signs of family problems didn't show till high school or later though so people thought everything was great. We were public schooled. I couldn't imagine doing it as homeschoolers. I hope you find a balance.

[IsabelC]

Another thing which I see a lot (although I don't know whether it applies over there) is that moms who don't work outside the home tend to get targeted / pressured to perform volunteer roles. It seems that most people see home educating as more or less equivalent to 'not working' and will therefore expect things of us which they would not expect of mothers who are in paid work.

[pitterpatter]

I appreciate the comments and suggestions so far. I'm digesting them. I'm actually the other troop leader's relief. She's been a troop leader for five years with the same girls more or less involved. She requires help from all of the parents here and there (driving, snacks, that kind of thing), but I'm the only one who's ever stepped up to this degree. Having been just one of the parents last year, I know no other parent wants to be involved with the actual planning and implementation of the troop meetings (one other parent is helping with planning a camping trip). There are a couple of parents that will help with very specific tasks at meetings, but they must require low effort and no thinking (i.e. helping with the hot glue gun, helping with things I need two sets of hands for). Anything that requires too much effort or brain power is a no-go. My husband also is a registered Girl Scout. He helps me at meetings when he can, but again, the planning, prep, teaching and most of the execution is all me (you can't just hand it off, the teaching is in my brain). We are working on a Journey right now (among other badges). It is very much like teaching school, but harder in many regards due to difficult touchy feely leadership subject matter. It takes a tremendous amount of effort to organize and execute in a way that is both easy to understand and fun for the girls. It is no picnic to teach, even with using the leader guide.

[IsabelC]

That is great that your husband can help though.

 

In our Girl Guides system, every activity requires a woman helper to assist the leader. My husband used to help out a bit (he was never on his own with any girls) but he isn't allowed to any more. I can understand why they have this rule, but all the same it seems a bit ridiculous to turn away half of the potential assistants when they are so short of help.

[City Mouse]

I've been that GS leader too, but I have also seen it from the other side with my DH starting a Cub Scout pack. I explained it as we did Cub scouts at the same time. We did not do cub scouts together.

I had to look at it from the point of view of what I wanted my kids to get out of it. What did I want to do with my kid that I let the others participate in. I didn't play favorites in the meetings, but I would pick activites based on what my kids would like to do. If other people want to do different things then they were welcom to plan those things.

 

What about meeting only 1 time per month, or only having 1 formal meeting per month and having a field trip to outside activity once per month. Or assign different mom/girl partners to be in charge of specific activities each week. Many people won't volunteer to help, but are willing to help if you give specific tasks.

[Crimson Wife]

We are working on a Journey right now (among other badges). It is very much like teaching school, but harder in many regards due to difficult touchy feely leadership subject matter. It takes a tremendous amount of effort to organize and execute in a way that is both easy to understand and fun for the girls. It is no picnic to teach, even with using the leader guide.

The change to the "journeys" program has really hurt GS. It has added a lot of red tape and taken out a lot of the fun.

[MotherGoose]

My girls are Scouts. I tell the leaders I appreciate their work, thank them (often), I volunteer for things (that are just show up and do this, the end), and etc. I know I could not be a troop leader. If you feel you can't do it next year, then I (and all the other parents) would (should) understand. My friend is a scout leader, but she's a SAHM, with kids in ps.

[ErinE]

The change to the "journeys" program has really hurt GS. It has added a lot of red tape and taken out a lot of the fun.

100% agree. We just worked through the water cycle, where the Journey book using terms like sparkly drop and dirt making the water sad.

 

Somehow, my pink-loving, glitter-using, sequin-wearing girl enjoys science books that use accurate scientific terms, not cutesy, made-up ones.

 

Not to mention the confusing (or missing) instructions, disorganized layout, and annoying stories.

 

Sorry, this is off topic, but I really dislike the "new" Girl Scouts.

[Aras]

I am a Junior Girl Scout Leader. It does take up some of my time, but I don't let it monopolize my life.

 

I kept my troop small because I didn't want to deal with the logistics of a large troop. We could probably have a meeting every week and attend some sort of activity every weekend, but we choose not to do that. We used to meet every week, but I felt that was too much pressure on me, so now we meet twice a month. I am just not willing to commit that much of my time and money, or the troop's time and money. All of the girls in my troop have siblings that also have activities that require time and money commitments.

 

It is great that you volunteer, these organizations couldn't function without volunteers. But as a volunteer you can set your boundaries. The parents of my girls honor my boundaries because they don't want to take on the Troop Leader position.

 

I try to keep an open dialogue with the girls, and we make the meetings what we want it to be. We ditched the journeys because they were lame. We play board games, draw, make homemade jewelry and other crafts. They picked the badges they wanted to do, they chat and form some really nice bonds. We don't have big ceremonies with a lot of pomp because they aren't interested in that either. 

 

That is the way I make it work for me. I have ended up in a lot of time consuming volunteer roles and I can tell you there will always be one more thing to do. No one will ever say, "You are taking on too much." It will never end until you drawn your own line.

 

I really like Girl Scouts and what it gives my daughter. I hope you can find a better balance with it. :)

[Sandragood1]

I lead a small Senior troop. My dd almost quit at the beginning of this year but decided to stick it out for the Gold Award. So we have really focused on that this year.

 

We meet once a month and try to have another activity each month as well. We take advantage of Service Unit events and events organized by "older Girl Scouts" groups so that I don't have to pull the activity together myself. Older Girl Scout means Cadettes and up.

 

I have a co-leader who attends meetings with me. I have a Cookie Mom and a Money Mom.

 

When my girls were Daisies and Brownies I asked parents to sign up to attend meetings as a second adult. I asked them to put together field trips but it rarely happened.

 

Try to delegate jobs. "Can you look into a trip to xxx? We need costs, times, and any special programs that they have."

 

But. It is still frustrating. People don't respond to emails. Everyone has ideas but no time.

 

I feel your pain.

[MariaT]

SKL and Regentrude have good ideas about setting time limits for yourself.

 

I was a Cub Scout leader for 7 years--I ran both my sons' dens at the same time, and I was the pack Committee Chair for 3 years, and I did district-level training and I did Woodbadge (major training) Oh, and I ran recruitment for my sons' Boy Scout Troop when they bridged. THEN I jumped into Girl Scouts for 2 years. And then I was out.

 

I LOVED Scouts. The reason I could do Cub Scouts for so long is because I partnered with a good friend. We both planned ahead together, and shared the work. We did awesome, outstanding meetings and field trips-- because we were prepared! AND we had each others' backs, and we could laugh. Is there someone like that you could ask to work with you?

 

One thing to consider is that as time goes on you will become super-efficient at planning and running meetings. Projects that would fell another person will be what you pull out of your back pocket. By the time I got to Girl Scouts, I could whip up a full meeting just thinking about it in the car on the way home. I had so many supplies left over from BSA that I could pull together nearly every craft, only heading to the craft store once in a great while. I knew how the project would run, I knew what would be needed, I could foresee where the snags would be. Experience is an awesome teacher. I don't want to say that as time goes on it will get easier, because that is not going to help you. Parcel out jobs, set time limits, then focus on your daughter. But your skills WILL make it easier for you.

Another thought: Is it possible that all the time you are putting into Scouts is preventing you from seeking a back-up social outlet for your DD?

 

From experience, I can say that I think sometimes when a group of folks are disorganized, they know it, but they may not have the skills or time to do anything about it. And when someone new comes in with organizing skills, it can be like a swarm of mosquitoes draining you dry. They can latch on, so happy that someone else is doing all the work. That is my warning bell. When few people step forward to lighten the load, I start to feel used. And that is the first step toward feeling bitter. I don't like feeling bitter.  So that is when I make hard choices and either step back or leave.

 

I left BSA because I wanted to spend more time with my daughter. About a year after I left leadership, my sons had quit. "We were in Scouts only because of you," they said. Oh! and this: When my oldest DS was a Webelos,(last level of Cub Scouts) I asked him what was his favorite part of Cub Scouts: "Running around with my friends" Boy, that really humbled me!

 

We left GS because we had to drive an hour each way to meetings, which were in the mornings, once a week. The time commitment basically killed most of a whole day, and we had other obligations to get to. And DD didn't really have a lot in common with the other girls, who all lived around each other. Not having that commitment has opened up whole new areas for all of us.

Maria

 

[Storygirl]

I am not involved with Girls Scouts, but I did have a major volunteer job for my kids' ballet company (putting together the program book). As the deadlines approached during the last few weeks before each performance, it was typical for me to work for 20-25 hours per week. The time demands were stressful and made me miserable and greatly affected what I could do for my children during those weeks. I greatly disliked these aspects (and also had to deal with some difficult people, which caused additional stress). On the other hand, I had some specialized skills that were hard to find in another volunteer, and I also took pride in the finished product, so although it was stressful, it was also fulfilling in some ways.

 

When I tried to quit a year ago, the ballet's Artistic Director talked me into staying on, saying she had no one to replace me. I felt trapped. I didn't want to continue and didn't feel it was in the best interests of my children. So I actively recruited my replacement, trained her as well as I could, wrote up a thorough instruction manual, finished one last program, and then I quit for good. (We are also moving away, so I had no choice but to sever my responsibilities completely, but no one knew we were moving when I announced that I was quitting).

 

So I understand being committed, and I understand being good at a volunteer job to the extent that you feel someone else may not be able to do it as well.  

 

With that said, here is my advice. You should find a way to either delegate and cut back, or you should quit. I can't get back that time for my kids that I gave away to others. Although I'm all for volunteering, when it has a negative impact on my family, my family needs to come first. I have to be best at homeschooling. If another thing in my life impinges on that, I have to be willing to cut it out. I did that volunteer job for three years, and it was two years too many. I should have quit after the first year, when I realized the impact it was having.

 

So there you go. My advice is what I would say to myself. Feel free to take from it what is helpful to you.

[PeacefulChaos]

If you are LOVING DOING it, I don't think you should stop.

 

I just think you should split your time more effectively, so that you still can do both things, and not feel like they are competing for your time.  Have specific times that you do one or the other, and that's it.

 

Now, if you are loving the results but not necessarily loving the whole process?  Then maybe you should stop altogether.  Though that doesn't sound like that's the case.  I just wanted to throw out there that I wouldn't take the time on it if *I* didn't absolutely love doing it, regardless of how the kids felt and all that.  

 

 

[pitterpatter]

Well, I have some very happy, high energy girls. Chilling for them is chasing after one another screaming and hollering and climbing on things they shouldn't. They aren't horrible kids, they are just 7-to-9-year-olds who like to have fun when they get together. They aren't into talking and sharing yet. Since we're a multi-level troop, I have to keep them busy right up until snack time. Juniors and Cadettes work on the other side of the meeting hall. I've also taken to having something for them to do before the meeting. Something that really bothered the other troop leader last year was how rambunctious they were before meetings. (I agree, it can get a bit crazy.) I try for the activity to be some fun, independent activity they can do for some badge so that it's time well spent.

 

 

In your situation, I'd take a hard look at what I cut out of Girl Scouts without dropping it all together.  I'd carve out a distinct segment (or segments) and tell the other moms that I either need someone else (or multiple parents) to volunteer to do that, or it's not going to get done in the future.

 

Also, you could probably spread out what you now do in 1 meeting into 2 meetings.  Let the girls spend the remaining time chilling and sharing about books they've read or goals they have etc.

 

Maybe you could have a sit-down with the previous leader (or leader of another scout group) and find out how they managed their expectations better.

 

[pitterpatter]

LOL! Sounds like a nervous breakdown waiting to happen. I do get what you're saying, though. This can kind of work here and there, as I've tried it on occasion (more like, I've just run out of time and have had no other choice...those can be long, tiring days), but there are some aspects of some badges that I can easily spend an entire week trying to figure out what the heck to do. You would be surprised how long it can take to put together activities on low/no budget. Sure, it can be done, but it might take me 2-3 hours of cutting to save the money. (No, the girls can't cut them during meeting time.) It's like schooling on zero budget. Can be done, but your time-investment is very high.

 

And when I wait to the last minute, that's when my printer decides it's going on strike. (You know, those random computer/printer communication problems that you have no idea what's causing them.)

 

Yes, I get what you're saying. And, I guess it would work if I rolled my expectations way back. There are five steps to every associated and legacy badge. (The Journeys are a total other ball of wax.) If I can get one badge completed in two meetings, I pat myself on the back. If we only did one step per meeting, the girls would maybe earn 2-3 badges the entire year. Ugh! As it is, the girls have only earned two associated badges and nearly two Journey badges this year. That has taken some major micro-scheduling.

 

 

If you choose to keep being troop leader, I have a way to reduce you effort.  I've been in situations where there was simply too much work to do, and I have found it very effective to purposely procrastinate, to basically reduce the available time to get the task done.  So schedule in 2 days before every meeting to get all the prep work done.  2 days and only 2 days.  And make sure it is the 2 days right before the meeting, or when you feel you haven't gotten done everything you wanted, you will just take 3 or 4 days.  By restricting it to the 2 days right before the meeting, you are forced to prioritize.  Some stuff will get dropped, and that is ok, but it would allow you to remain leader while reducing the effort you are putting in.

 

Ruth in NZ

 

[ErinE]

Have you seen this website:

 

http://www.girlscoutsrv.org/volunteers/troop-leaders/brownie-leaders/plan-your-brownie-year/

 

There's leader guides for each level. This has made planning so much easier. Each parent has volunteered to teach a few badges, and our co-leader is in charge of the Journeys. We also assign homework for badges that don't require a group, like Household Elf, Pets, and My Great Day.

[JanetC]

I haven't been in girl scouts, but I was involved in a Camp Fire group with a very perfectionist leader.  She literally pushed all the help I signed up for away:  She delegated warm up games to me, and when I sent her my warm up for a week, she'd write back with "That's too similar to something we did last year" (it was my first year in the group), and change it.  Or, I'd plan the craft, and she'd write back with, "But I got these other supplies on sale last year and I want to use them up."  (She didn't tell me that when she asked for a project).  Everything I sent her for the meeting plan, she either tossed or "improved" beyond all recognition. I stopped signing up for things since it felt like all my work was being thrown away anyway.

 

If you feel like you aren't getting enough help, I'd look in the mirror.  Because "good enough" isn't good enough for you, your standards may be pushing away others who might like to help, and may be higher standards than the troop needs.

 

Ask the girls what they like about Brownies -- it may not be the productivity of earning lots of badges.  Again, this is my Camp Fire experience, but for us, the memories came from the field trips and camps and the service project.  The beads and patches weren't the most important thing.  You need badges and project work to keep a structure to the group, but there's no minimum productivity level required.

 

 

[pitterpatter]

This thread has really gotten me thinking. While I want DD to have a circle of friends, that's not the end all be all reason I want her in Girl Scouts. I realize that what she will remember from the experience will be the friends and big things like camping. That doesn't mean the skills I'm attempting to teach DD via Girl Scouts doesn't help grow her as a girl, woman and human. Girl Scouts is very much character education. What I really like about the program is that it teaches things that I don't think to teach her at home (many anyway). I also like that if she earns the highest awards, she can include them on her college applications, etc. We are rural. There are not a lot of opportunities here, particularly for homeschoolers. 4-H doesn't fit our lifestyle. DD takes gymnastics, but she's not what I would call sporty at this point.

 

When we started this adventure last year with Daisies, I was so excited. I thought friends + character education + new skills + DD getting instruction from other adults who aren't me was going to be win, win, win. It took me two meetings to figure out that wasn't going to be the case...at all. Not at the troop level anyway. There were several meetings where the troop leader had zip planned. The girls sat without even paper or crayon while she talked to the adults (she likes to talk). DD learned not one thing from the Daisy program at the meetings. I made the best of it and helped her earn the badges at home and we went to district-sponsored events to round out her experience. Since we were already working on a Journey at home, I offered to put together packets for the other girls to work on at home as well so they too could earn badges (no other badges were earned by the Daisies during troop time last year and I was feeling self-conscious about DD earning so many at home). This ended up being a huge project. I was very glad when it was over. At the end of the year, the troop leader asked me to lead Brownies this year. I admit, I wanted to cry. It's not that I didn't want to help, but I knew how much time it was going to take. I guess I more love the idea of Girl Scouts (and what I thought it could be for DD), but not my personal time commitment to it, which is just too much.

 

Responses to this thread have reminded me what I originally wanted out of Girl Scouts for DD. It has also helped me realize that other parents may not give a hoot about what they're girls are actually learning as long as they are having fun and continue to want to be in Girl Scouts. After all, they are not homeschoolers...they probably aren't looking at it from the education standpoint.

 

I think I'll finish out the year and see where I'm at. No more Journeys for the troop (unless we're still a troop when it's time to earn the Bronze Award in 3-4 years). I'll see what badges the girls are really interested in at the end of the year. I'll plan, prepare and bag them up during the summer and hopefully be done with that aspect of it. If no one cares about the financial literacy badges, etc., I guess I won't worry about them. DD and I can work on them at home. I still don't know whether this is going to make me happy, though. I want DD in, but I mentally want to check out. No way around it, I feel stuck unless we cut ties.

 

 

Can you go down to one meeting per month and one field trip per month? That might take off some more pressure.

I hear where you're coming from. I was PTA president at my kids' school when they attended ps. I had a few trusted friends I could count on to execute things, and everyone else would run their mouths about all the things that we should be doing without offering help to get them done.

My 2 cents is do what makes and keeps you happy and not one bit more. If it feels like it's too much, it is. Don't self inflict stress on yourself! Make a list of what you think is essential to running the troop. Circle the things you are capable of doing on your own stress free and then try to delegate the rest. If it can't be delegated, get rid of it. Trust me---if the other parents truly want things to happen, they will step in.

 

[TranquilMind]

I know many here aren't fans of Girl Scouts. That's not really what this thread is about. After jumping in with both feet last year (second year of Daisies), I took over the Brownie portion of our multi-level troop this past school year. When I commit to something, I COMMIT. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I know I am very, very good at being a troop leader. I have the right skills for it. The girls went from being bored every single meeting (because we pretty much did nothing) to being jumping up and down super excited. Attendance is nearly 100 percent now. We are earning badges, learning and having fun.

 

Problem is, as much as I love Girl Scouts, it's literally a full-time job for me. We only have two meetings a month, but I spend just about every "spare" moment working on Girl Scouts, preparing for those two meetings. My efforts are immense. I don't know how to do anything less than my absolute best. It's not satisfying to be any other way. Unfortunately, I already had a full-time job homeschooling. Yes, I only have one DD to teach, but it's the same deal...nothing less than my absolute best. I'm not even going to mention trying to be a plain ole mom, wife, maid, cook, etc. along with the other two jobs. Before Girl Scouts, I started designing curriculum helps to sell via Currclick when I could fit it in. My hope was to funnel all of that money into a college fund for DD. Yeah, that's so not happening now.

 

I spent all of last summer getting as much prepared for both Girl Scouts and this school year as I could. Ultimately, I ran out of time and now preparations for the two are clashing, overlapping. I'm not happy with the lack of time I have for school. It's not that it's not getting done. It is, as that takes top priority. I'm not satisfied with how well I'm doing my part, though. I feel rushed and stressed to get it done every day so I can work on tomorrow, get books ordered, lab supplies rounded up, etc. Then, there's Girl Scouts...always looming, looming, looming. I'm pretty well exhausted. I don't know how I can continue on as troop leader next year, but there is truly no one else in our troop up for the task. It would be a disservice to all involved (except me) to quit. Girl Scouts is DD's primary social outlet. If I quit, I don't see how DD could stay in the troop and I don't want to take that away from her.

 

Thanks for letting me ramble. Off to work on Girl Scouts. I'm way behind today now that I stopped and typed all that out. (Sigh.)

Am I the only one who feels like a slug after reading this post?   ;) 

 

Maybe you are working too hard?  Your daughter's education needs to take precedence, of course, but since you only have one daughter (as opposed to trying to school several at various levels of development, I mean, requiring even more groundwork), maybe you could fit it all in if you delegated something to some other parents?  Maybe you do, I don't know. 

[Sahamamama]

I haven't read the other replies, since you're asking what I would do. ;)

 

Personally, I would not be able to put that kind of effort into being a troop leader, but that's just me, in my situation. What I see in your situation is that you have one seven year old daughter, for whom this troop is meaningful. Also, there is a reason why you love it. Why do you enjoy it so much? Do you enjoy teaching and working with the other kids, as well as your own? Do you like all the prep you do, or do you just feel trapped into it? If I was thriving on that level of leadership, I would keep up with it, if I physically and emotionally could. But if I could see that it was taking a toll (or going to take a toll, in the long-term), then I would have to adjust to a lower, less intense level (or style) of leadership.

 

A few thoughts to just mull over:

 

You could continue with GS, and since your daughter is still quite young, perhaps try to cover a lot of the academics through what you plan, prepare, and do with GS. For example, if you are planning a unit, why not fold her into your research and preparation, as much as possible? Show her how you plan, what you write up, have her help you make lists, brainstorm for ideas, purchase supplies, assemble craft packets, or whatever. Think of it as "Girl Scout Unschooling."

 

You could change yourself to be able to let it go when it isn't "perfect," be able to say "good enough," and move on to the next thing on the list. Perhaps if you were really, really strict with yourself for the rest of this year, you could see if it's possible to change how you operate. At some consistent point each week, write out a schedule that blocks out specific times for working on GIRL SCOUTS (and all that that implies) and specific times for SCHOOL WORK (and all that that implies). If you go this route, you will be uncomfortable with accepting "good enough," but it may be just what you need to adjust your standards and have "good enough" Girl Scouts and "good enough" homeschool. That way, you will have both in your life and in your daughter's life, but be prepared to feel like a failure with both, until you get to where you can accept the new normal. I hope that makes sense. It might make more sense on the other side -- after you've accepted the new standard for your performance.

 

You could change your style of leadership, while retaining the level of troop leader. Can you delegate to parents, or are they all "too busy?" You could require more participation from parents, if they want their daughter(s) in the group. You could try to recruit a co-leader, perhaps a mom who would be willing and able to assist, but can't or doesn't want to be the Head Honcho. If the group is going really well now, it might intimidate others away from stepping into any aspect of leadership. Think about it -- you would be a hard act to follow! Who wants to go back to Ho-Hum Girl Scouts, now that Pitterpatter's troop is the BOMB! :lol: Of course no one wants to rock that boat. But some mothers may want to help more than you realize. Do you accept and praise the support you do receive? Do you view the other mothers as equally capable, or do you see them as "not quite?"

 

Why can't your daughter stay in the troop, if you quit? Would there be no troop, if you stepped down as leader?

 

If it's the group aspect that you enjoy, along with teaching, could you drop out of Girl Scouts and join or start a homeschool co-op? If Girl Scouts is exhausting you (because of the demands of leadership + still wanting to "do school" on top of all that), could you find some other group setting, perhaps one that would focus on the academic side of things? That might cover both needs at one time, and help to consolidate your life a bit more.

 

We went to some 4-H meetings a few years back, and I remember thinking what you thought about all the wonderful things my daughter was going to learn from other people. Didn't happen. There had been ZERO advance preparation on the part of the leader, and we all just sort of sat around in a dingy room in a dumpy building in a bad part of town (for 4-H, no less!) and looked at each other. It was a lot of, "What do you want to do?" and "I don't know, what do you want to do?" The result was that every week, these little five and six year olds were supposed to "research the assigned animal and present a report about it at the next meeting." Seriously, we didn't need more of that kind of work, which would primarily be done by the mothers. :tongue_smilie: Somehow, I was under the delusion that some sort of actual teaching was going to happen, but when it didn't, there was very little point to the group, all things considered. My five year old and I can "research rats" without the hassle, you know?

 

 

 

 

[ErinE]

I think I'll finish out the year and see where I'm at. No more Journeys for the troop (unless we're still a troop when it's time to earn the Bronze Award in 3-4 years). I'll see what badges the girls are really interested in at the end of the year. I'll plan, prepare and bag them up during the summer and hopefully be done with that aspect of it. If no one cares about the financial literacy badges, etc., I guess I won't worry about them. DD and I can work on them at home. I still don't know whether this is going to make me happy, though. I want DD in, but I mentally want to check out. No way around it, I feel stuck unless we cut ties.

For me, Journeys is what kills the joy of GS for my daughter. It's sooooo painful to complete the book; dd was actually crying yesterday because we had to get the work done before the next meeting.

 

But when I look back at the badge-centered meetings, the girls had a blast. For the Bugs Badge, one lady brought in bugs that she raised and the girls got to pet them. When I taught the Dancer Badge, the girls made up a fantastic dance to 'Happy' with formation changes, ripples, and different parts. They loved making pots and painting them for the Pottery Badge. We made vinegar and alla-seltzer rockets for Home Scientist. Name the badge, the girls had fun.

 

Looking at Juniors next year, I'll probably continue, but I'll make sure the meetings are badge oriented, not Journeys. Which is sad,because I thought the Journeys would be a big part of the "character" education and I don't see it.

[pitterpatter]

Well, the girls are loving Brownie Quest, but that's probably because I'm killing myself to make it fun and palatable. I didn't buy them the girl's book. I just make a copy here and there when we actually use a piece of it. There is so much writing! I wonder whether the person who wrote it had ever been around a second grader. I have one girl in my troop who was held back for first grade. Although she's in second now, she cannot read...like at all. The rest of the girls are way too excited to want to do school work (and heavy duty school work at that). I don't blame them.

 

I wish Girl Scouts provided more support in the way of quality crafts and activities. Pinterest is my best friend, but there is so little out there, especially for the difficult stuff. I'm finding that I'm having to design/create what I need. Luckily, I have the right skills for that, but it's so time consuming. I was trying to post everything on my blog to help other troop leaders, but that has come to a standstill as well. I'm feeling stressed about that too. I have a pretty good following and people are waiting. I'm waiting for e-mail pokes to start rolling it. (Oh yes, people do that.)

 

We're working on Money Manager and Meet My Customers at tonight's meeting since it's cookie time. Money Manager is insane. Like always, there's a couple of good steps and then one or two you want to throw your hands up in the air about. Really, who is going to parade from one store to the next with a gaggle of girls doing just about the exact same thing at each one? One time is fun, more than that is boring. So much of it is the parents doing, not the kids. Are seven-and-eight-year-olds really going to be able to look up prices for an amusement park or horseback riding during a meeting? Not to mention that what they want you to do with that info is a fairly complex multi-step math word problem. I've come up with some pretty fun and doable activities for all but the school supplies step. That one has me stumped. We are not going to take an entire troop meeting to walk around Wal-Mart. The idea I have involves me doing quite a bit of work for the girls to take five minutes to complete it. That's how it is...me working two hours on something that takes five minutes for the girls to complete.  :ack2: There are a lot of five-minute intervals in an hour. (Of course many things take longer than five minutes, but I'm sure you see what I'm saying.)

 

I took a peek at those Junior badges. I was going to try to fold our only Junior into Brownies. Oh, yikes! Talk about school work.

 

ETA: I'm of the opinion that the girls should earn their badges, not just complete one step halfheartedly and call it done, but more and more I see why so many troop leaders cut corners.

 

 

For me, Journeys is what kills the joy of GS for my daughter. It's sooooo painful to complete the book; dd was actually crying yesterday because we had to get the work done before the next meeting.

But when I look back at the badge-centered meetings, the girls had a blast. For the Bugs Badge, one lady brought in bugs that she raised and the girls got to pet them. When I taught the Dancer Badge, the girls made up a fantastic dance to 'Happy' with formation changes, ripples, and different parts. They loved making pots and painting them for the Pottery Badge. We made vinegar and alla-seltzer rockets for Home Scientist. Name the badge, the girls had fun.

Looking at Juniors next year, I'll probably continue, but I'll make sure the meetings are badge oriented, not Journeys. Which is sad,because I thought the Journeys would be a big part of the "character" education and I don't see it.

 

[pitterpatter]

I appreciate your very thoughtful post. I don't have time this morning before school to address everything.

 

My primary problem is that I'm trying to run a quality program. While I give myself a good deal of creative license when reworking the Journeys and certain steps of other badges, I try very hard to stick to the spirit of the lesson/badge. I scrutinize the actual requirements and make sure we're completing those. I think how can I turn this very schoolish step/lesson into something fun that teaches the same thing. The way the troop leader handed out badges before was to go through the leader books and find badges that the girls kind of hit upon. For example, the Cadettes helped "babysit" the Daisies during troop meetings last year, so she gave the Cadettes the babysitting badge. Did the Cadettes learn anything at all about babysitting? Nope.

 

What's the point of Girl Scouts, if you don't actually do Girl Scouts? If you hand out badges for nothing, the program loses its clout. (Maybe the joke is on me...maybe it already has?) Being an Eagle Scout has a lot of clout. Shouldn't the Gold Award be the same for girls? Ugh, maybe I'm the only one who cares.

 

Ran out of time to answer.

 

 

I haven't read the other replies, since you're asking what I would do. ;)

 

Personally, I would not be able to put that kind of effort into being a troop leader, but that's just me, in my situation. What I see in your situation is that you have one seven year old daughter, for whom this troop is meaningful. Also, there is a reason why you love it. Why do you enjoy it so much? Do you enjoy teaching and working with the other kids, as well as your own? Do you like all the prep you do, or do you just feel trapped into it? If I was thriving on that level of leadership, I would keep up with it, if I physically and emotionally could. But if I could see that it was taking a toll (or going to take a toll, in the long-term), then I would have to adjust to a lower, less intense level (or style) of leadership.

 

A few thoughts to just mull over:

 

You could continue with GS, and since your daughter is still quite young, perhaps try to cover a lot of the academics through what you plan, prepare, and do with GS. For example, if you are planning a unit, why not fold her into your research and preparation, as much as possible? Show her how you plan, what you write up, have her help you make lists, brainstorm for ideas, purchase supplies, assemble craft packets, or whatever. Think of it as "Girl Scout Unschooling."

 

You could change yourself to be able to let it go when it isn't "perfect," be able to say "good enough," and move on to the next thing on the list. Perhaps if you were really, really strict with yourself for the rest of this year, you could see if it's possible to change how you operate. At some consistent point each week, write out a schedule that blocks out specific times for working on GIRL SCOUTS (and all that that implies) and specific times for SCHOOL WORK (and all that that implies). If you go this route, you will be uncomfortable with accepting "good enough," but it may be just what you need to adjust your standards and have "good enough" Girl Scouts and "good enough" homeschool. That way, you will have both in your life and in your daughter's life, but be prepared to feel like a failure with both, until you get to where you can accept the new normal. I hope that makes sense. It might make more sense on the other side -- after you've accepted the new standard for your performance.

 

You could change your style of leadership, while retaining the level of troop leader. Can you delegate to parents, or are they all "too busy?" You could require more participation from parents, if they want their daughter(s) in the group. You could try to recruit a co-leader, perhaps a mom who would be willing and able to assist, but can't or doesn't want to be the Head Honcho. If the group is going really well now, it might intimidate others away from stepping into any aspect of leadership. Think about it -- you would be a hard act to follow! Who wants to go back to Ho-Hum Girl Scouts, now that Pitterpatter's troop is the BOMB! :lol: Of course no one wants to rock that boat. But some mothers may want to help more than you realize. Do you accept and praise the support you do receive? Do you view the other mothers as equally capable, or do you see them as "not quite?"

 

Why can't your daughter stay in the troop, if you quit? Would there be no troop, if you stepped down as leader?

 

If it's the group aspect that you enjoy, along with teaching, could you drop out of Girl Scouts and join or start a homeschool co-op? If Girl Scouts is exhausting you (because of the demands of leadership + still wanting to "do school" on top of all that), could you find some other group setting, perhaps one that would focus on the academic side of things? That might cover both needs at one time, and help to consolidate your life a bit more.

 

We went to some 4-H meetings a few years back, and I remember thinking what you thought about all the wonderful things my daughter was going to learn from other people. Didn't happen. There had been ZERO advance preparation on the part of the leader, and we all just sort of sat around in a dingy room in a dumpy building in a bad part of town (for 4-H, no less!) and looked at each other. It was a lot of, "What do you want to do?" and "I don't know, what do you want to do?" The result was that every week, these little five and six year olds were supposed to "research the assigned animal and present a report about it at the next meeting." Seriously, we didn't need more of that kind of work, which would primarily be done by the mothers. :tongue_smilie: Somehow, I was under the delusion that some sort of actual teaching was going to happen, but when it didn't, there was very little point to the group, all things considered. My five year old and I can "research rats" without the hassle, you know?

 

[Sandragood1]

Regarding Journeys: Both of us who were leaders of this troop since the Journey thing came out have disliked them. The girls aren't thrilled with them either. We do only what we have to do. We did one so that the girls could earn their Silver Award. We did it during meetings and it took forever! And we have done one so that they can do their Gold Award. For that one we all signed up for a one-day workshop. One day and done! To us it's just a mandatory step. We do so much that has more value for the girls. Don't forget to ask them what they want and what they think is fun!

 

If money is holding you back, either increase dues or do some fund raising. Lay it out to the parents: I need each of you to plan a fundraiser or you each need to kick in more dues of $x. Our troop parents just write a check. We save fundraising for big things like Gold Award projects or multi night travel.

 

I think GS has a lot to offer, but some of the things added to the program don't work for us. Take what you need and leave the rest. If you don't need a Journey as a pre req for something, don't do it! Do badges that are fun for the girls if the girls want badges. Take field trips! Do service! Find out parents' skills and recruit them to lead related badges. Specific requests work best for recruiting. Don't tell them what to do after that and don't comment. Just help the girls not the adult. Also remember that YOU determine if requirements are met. Close enough is close enough. It's not school. A fair bit of the learning is social in nature especially at the younger ages. You are only providing the general shape of the interaction, the girls fill it in.

[pitterpatter]

I have no reason to believe that things wouldn't go back to how they were last year (perhaps even worse). One parent is required to stay at the meetings. I don't know how I would be able to sit there and watch the girls do nothing. I've grown pretty fond of several of the girls. A couple are all hugs, and lets hold hands when we walk. Right now, they run up to me every meeting wanting to know what we're doing. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't understand why I no longer had anything for them to do. I'm pretty sure the troop leader and other parents would have ill thoughts of me too.

 

Also, the primary troop leader has been elected (by default because no one else wanted to do it, not sure why she does) as neighborhood chair for next year. She's made the comment that she will need additional help from our troop's parents since she'll be busier. Uhm...I'm all tapped out. Makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it. If I wanted to be in charge of neighborhood events, I would sign up for them. When a troop leader is neighborhood chair, that troop pretty much takes on the bulk of the work. Since we're rural, neighborhoods are comprised of various cities within a given radius. Some travel pretty far.

 

 

Why can't your daughter stay in the troop, if you quit? Would there be no troop, if you stepped down as leader?

 

[ErinE]

ETA: I'm of the opinion that the girls should earn their badges, not just complete one step halfheartedly and call it done, but more and more I see why so many troop leaders cut corners.

Take a peak at the River Valleys link. Even when I don't use the exact lesson plan, it helps me focus my thoughts and cuts down on my prep time.

 

I agree on the badges. The parents in our troop work hard to make the badges meaningful and complete. I think that's part of the reason the girls love them. It's a full experience, not rushing through to get it done.

[katilac]

Perfection is the enemy of excellence. 

[SKL]

I have no reason to believe that things wouldn't go back to how they were last year (perhaps even worse). One parent is required to stay at the meetings. I don't know how I would be able to sit there and watch the girls do nothing. I've grown pretty fond of several of the girls. A couple are all hugs, and lets hold hands when we walk. Right now, they run up to me every meeting wanting to know what we're doing. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't understand why I no longer had anything for them to do. I'm pretty sure the troop leader and other parents would have ill thoughts of me too.

 

Also, the primary troop leader has been elected (by default because no one else wanted to do it, not sure why she does) as neighborhood chair for next year. She's made the comment that she will need additional help from our troop's parents since she'll be busier. Uhm...I'm all tapped out. Makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it. If I wanted to be in charge of neighborhood events, I would sign up for them. When a troop leader is neighborhood chair, that troop pretty much takes on the bulk of the work. Since we're rural, neighborhoods are comprised of various cities within a given radius. Some travel pretty far.

 

This is why I would rather do less than drop out.  You took on too much; you found out it wasn't realistic to do that much more than the previous leaders.  Why not own it and figure out what would be a reasonable amount?  If you got burnt out trying to be Supermom, would you leave your kids, or would you keep the kids and reconsider your household priorities?

 

That said, I have dropped out of nonprofits because I was way overcommitted when I adopted my kids.  However, those nonprofits were not beneficial to my kids, and if the truth be told, I probably wasn't missed all that much when I left.  :P

[Meriwether]

Well, based on your thread title, I would say that I was promoted to my level of incompetency with #5, but it is too late to give her back. In all seriousness, God and family come first. Then school. Other commitments will be cut back if they need to be.