Dmmetler Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 I just ordered a new phone for my plan, and my DD (just turned 10) asked if she could have the old one. Looking online, the phone would be eligible for the pay as you go plans (and the phone could use wifi for data), which she could afford out of her money (and she actually has a decent amount of money from Christmas gifts available to her right now). She only has about 2 people she calls/texts with now, so I think it's more that she wants to have "a phone" as opposed that she wants to use a phone. She really doesn't go places without me yet where one would be nice to have. Is there any reason not to let her have my old phone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 I don't see any reason not to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quark Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 I'd go for it too...it's something she will eventually need as she gains more and more independence. You could always limit it to a voice and text plan only if needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 11, 2015 Author Share Posted January 11, 2015 I set up a textnow plan for her on her iPod last year when she started doing conferences in case she got separated from me (since the conference center had wifi) and added some voice minutes, and I can convert it to a voice/text plan for this phone for $18.99/month and keep the same phone number. I think pay as you go with a different company might be cheaper, though. She is going to a summer program this year so having a phone number where she could contact people she meets there might be good, since one of the main reasons for sending her is so she can hopefully make a few more friends, even if they aren't local. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 My older kids have my and DH's old iPhones, but they don't have phone service. Basically they're iPod Touches. I think they could call 911 if needed. They work for iMessage and FaceTime if there's wifi. They call them "my phone" even though they're no longer technically phones. If we need them to turn back into phones, we would just add them to a plan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 My older kids have my and DH's old iPhones, but they don't have phone service. Basically they're iPod Touches. I think they could call 911 if needed. They work for iMessage and FaceTime if there's wifi. They call them "my phone" even though they're no longer technically phones. If we need them to turn back into phones, we would just add them to a plan.This what dd6 has except we don't have wifi for her to iMessage or FaceTime Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 No no no no no no no. I am dealing with the aftermath of our decision to allow my 12, now 13 yo to have MY old phone when I got a new one...it was a convenience for me, but it has become problematic in terms of who he is contacting, etc. I wouldn't do it again if I had the choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 My children had phones from whenever they were away from me for any period of time. They were not smart phones, however, because I wanted them to be older before they had to deal with the joys of constant internet access. It's been fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolatechip Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 I wouldn't go for that at her age unless she was going to be away from me for extended periods and needed to be able to contact me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 My 10 yos are home alone for short periods pretty routinely and we don't have a land line. Also they're allowed to be out and about with activities solo a lot. I needed them to have a phone. So they have a cheapie one that doesn't do data, just text and phone. If I didn't have a reason like that, I think I'd wait. I have no real objection to it, I just wouldn't want the hassle of trying to get them to keep up with it, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imagine.more Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 No, I would not. DD (13) had several friends get phones at 10-11 and all of them have been in constant trouble since with silly things like misusing the phone to call boys or people they didn't know well, texting mean things, calling late at night, losing the phone, or breaking the phone. It's been a mess. Even at 13 most of her friends have phones but don't use them for anything worthwhile. One of her friends (13, 7th grade) has lost her phone twice since we've known her. Once it was left at a friends' house and once it was left in OUR playhouse outside. Ugh, not something I like being responsible for as the hosting parent of some tweens hanging out together. It's much easier to say "no" now than it is to take the phone away permanently later after giving the privilege if they misuse it. I suggest tying it to an age or developmental milestone. We personally tell our kids they can have phones when they have a driver's license since they will need them for safety. My husbands' parents also tied it to maturity/milestone. DH got a phone at 14 because he was painting and repairing mailboxes around town all summer by himself as a summer job. They realized it'd be good to be able to get ahold of him in the middle of the day and that he might need to call for a ride at the end of the work day. His sister got one by 13 because she was a serious gymnast who was going out of town with the team for meets on a regular basis. She also stayed after school frequently to work on group projects for her gifted classes. Those are all signs of unusual maturity and situations that make the usefulness of a phone outweigh the risks. At the time of course there was no texting or internet access on phones and MIL has told us she wouldn't have given a smart phone at that age. If you tie it to an age or milestone it gives them something to look forward to, something to work towards. And they're more likely to treat it with care and not misuse it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Sure I'd do it, if the financial end makes sense. I'd explain the responsibility involved, of course. We gave my dd a dumb phone for her 12th birthday, in part because her school is a good distance away and we've had carpool fall through, etc. At first, she and her friends texted quite a bit. Now, not so much. She can actually go for weeks at a time forgetting to turn the thing on, which can even be annoying if I'm trying to send her a message, though she hasn't had much in the way of after school activities lately. They have school-issued iPads and can always face-time each other if they want to talk over a school project, etc. One of my ds11s was constantly begging for a phone last year because his friends all had them (supposedly, you know, "everybody"). I've been trying to put it off at least until they turn 12 (soon!) because they really don't need them. Fortunately, I haven't heard much along these lines lately now that he's into Skype-calling his friends while they simultaneously play on Minecraft or whatnot. I'm hoping that the desire has passed for a bit, that they can get the contact they need via the computer for now. The one I'd like to get a phone for, since he has lacrosse practice where we drop off, doesn't really care, oddly. But, if we get it for one, we'll need to get it for both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jasperstone Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 I personally think it's too young. I wouldnt want my dd 12 having one for at least another 3 years. The longer you can hold off the better in regards to their developing brains and the radiation issues. Each to their own though. ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Sure! I see no reason not to do it if it's good deal. I wouldn't enable data on it but it's totally fine to give a child talk & text capability at that age. I'd do it for any younger kids too if they're actually away from parents... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 I don't think it's terrible to give it to her, not by a long shot, but I probably wouldn't. Phones for us aren't 'because you want one'. They're tools for communicating when child and parent will be apart for significant time periods - like when kids start using public transport themselves. Like Laura, mine got dumb phones first. They don't need the internet when they're out...imo :) Ds still doesn't have a phone - he just doesn't need one. But like I said, no biggie if you do go ahead! That's exactly--a tool for communication. That's why it seems silly to me to tie it to a certain age, and create an context in which a child "can't wait to get it." DD13 got a dumb phone when she was 12 because she needed it for you know, calling home? She wasn't even particularly thrilled about it, it was one more thing to remember to have with her, but she sure appreciates the convenience the tool provides. She can call me without asking another adult for their phone. It sounds like OP's DD might *need* it. She's going to be at conferences, might be separated from her mother, and being able to call each other rather than wondering the lobby or the lecture halls in search for each other is not very productive. What's the point of not giving her access to a tool that she needs? I pay $100 a year for DD's prepaid dumb phone. I wouldn't pay more, but maybe if the money wasn't an issue, I would've splurged on a smart phone so that she could text me easily instead of calling. Again, it is a tool. For convenience and often for safety. It is not a rite of passage. And if a teen is misusing his or her phone, the phone is not the root of the problem here, really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 I'll start by saying - I'm generally against kids having phones. how much is she away from you where she would not have access to a phone to call you ? do you have a house phone she can use to call her friends? does she have outside activities that she is away from you on a regular basis and needs to be able to call you, or you her (because you can't call her teacher)? I gave dudeling access to my old phone - but it isn't a "phone", it only has internet when we are somewhere with wifi. I keep it - not him. eta: my kids got phones when they went to college. (2dd probably should have had one earilier given her activity schedule - but she's the only one I could have supported having a phone.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 My ds has had his own phone since he was 4, but I think it's an individual decision. If you have any reason to suspect that your child might misuse (or over-use) the privilege of having the phone, just say no. I think the decision depends more on the personality of an individual child than a specific age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 That's exactly--a tool for communication. That's why it seems silly to me to tie it to a certain age, and create an context in which a child "can't wait to get it." DD13 got a dumb phone when she was 12 because she needed it for you know, calling home? She wasn't even particularly thrilled about it, it was one more thing to remember to have with her, but she sure appreciates the convenience the tool provides. She can call me without asking another adult for their phone. It sounds like OP's DD might *need* it. She's going to be at conferences, might be separated from her mother, and being able to call each other rather than wondering the lobby or the lecture halls in search for each other is not very productive. What's the point of not giving her access to a tool that she needs? I pay $100 a year for DD's prepaid dumb phone. I wouldn't pay more, but maybe if the money wasn't an issue, I would've splurged on a smart phone so that she could text me easily instead of calling. Again, it is a tool. For convenience and often for safety. It is not a rite of passage. And if a teen is misusing his or her phone, the phone is not the root of the problem here, really. At conferences, it's less a concern because usually there's wifi and we have an app that I can put on her iPod that lets her text/do limited voice calling and use her iPod as an internet phone. Since at conferences the main communication (everything from "The mentoring program lunch is in room G23" to "I left my sweater in the behavior symposium-anyone there to pick it up?") seems to go through texts, especially for the pre-bac, college, and grad students. I swear I got at least 10 texts a day that were specific to DD last year. It kind of makes sense for her to be able to get those communications directly, instead of via mom. Another thought is that she does a lot of field work. I'm usually with her, but I could see a real possibility that she might, at some point, get separated, and if there is an accident, the more phones and more phone plans with different carriers, the greater chance ONE will actually have a live battery and work. In some ways, I think it may be less "forbidden fruit" and less desirable if she gets it now, when there simply is one available, vs making it a special thing later. Right now, most of her friends her age don't have phones, and they don't really do a lot of social calling/talking back and forth yet (and if they do, they're usually using mom's phone). I imagine that by age 12-13 that will change (based on the fact that most of the 12-13 yr olds I know DO have phones). I'm thinking right now, she'd probably be content to consider it a serious "work" supply, like her field boots, compass, etc and to not use it outside of those settings because there's really not much reason to do so (and for pretty much anything but making calls/texts, her iPod or computer are much better devices). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SemiSweet Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Mine got a smart phone at 10 and he's almost 12, we have had zero problems with it thus far. Dd will probably get one at 10 too, but she has a hard time taking care of things and not losing things, so maybe not. I don't see any issues with kids having phones if their guidelines are laid out for them, easy enough to take away if those aren't met. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 My children had phones from whenever they were away from me for any period of time. They were not smart phones, however, because I wanted them to be older before they had to deal with the joys of constant internet access. It's been fine. This and adding in that the phone is turned off and left in my room when not needed. When it is used is when he is away from me and may need to contact me. For example, when I drop him and a friend off at a sports venue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abacus2 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 I gave my 10 year old a phone when she was doing a few drop-off things. However, she is only allowed to use it for calling/texting family. She isn't allowed to give her number out to friends or call them using her phone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerileanne99 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 [quote name="dmmetler" post="6128231" timestamp="1421030368 In some ways, I think it may be less "forbidden fruit" and less desirable if she gets it now, when there simply is one available, vs making it a special thing later. Right now, most of her friends her age don't have phones, and they don't really do a lot of social calling/talking back and forth yet (and if they do, they're usually using mom's phone). I imagine that by age 12-13 that will change (based on the fact that most of the 12-13 yr olds I know DO have phones). I'm thinking right now, she'd probably be content to consider it a serious "work" supply, like her field boots, compass, etc and to not use it outside of those settings because there's really not much reason to do so (and for pretty much anything but making calls/texts, her iPod or computer are much better devices). I think this is a big factor. If they just have always had it, it doesn't become nearly the issue as getting it later. It was part of my thinking... This is going to sound absolutely awful, but my dd5 has an iPhone. But honestly, it made sense, I swear:) She listens to audio books every night, and when her iPod started to die we decided to get her a new one. We hemmed and ha'ed about whether to get the regular, newer generation IPod or upgrade to the touch for her. Since we alteady have the IPad she uses more than anyone, and I didn't really WANT apps and features on something she uses primarily for listening, we bought the regular IPod at a whopping $160 instead of at least an additional $50 for the IPod touch. We loaded it up and THEN realized something critical. The newer model of the IPod has no external speakers! I was dumbfounded! At that price?! It was pretty much pointless as I don't want my 5-year-old in headphones that often, and she couldn't use it in bed...we were able to clear it and return it, but that left us either with the IPod touch or another solution. We were upgrading our IPhones from the 4s to the 6s. It became soooo much more reasonable to just give her one of our old phones! So it is now HER phone/IPod, and it has worked brilliantly. We don't have a landline, so it is an extra phone at home. She uses it to call/text/FaceTime grandma and a few others, and I LOVE the fact that with my physical issues she has a method of contact to the outside world. She uses it for all sorts of things 'school wise' as well. Googling, online dictionary, checking the weather, and so on with our wi-fi. Anyway, all that to say I think it just makes sense. And it isn't the forbidden fruit. It is a tool that they grow up using. If the situation changes, we can address that too. I think there is an element of responsibility as well, and a bit of independence. In my case, it is more the illusion of independence for her still, but the idea is the same. In our recent trip to Europe she had to keep track of it, keep it charged, etc., but I was so reassured that if she DID get separated she knows full well how to sit down and call mom and dad:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 I would make it a 'house phone' that is yours, but she can borrow for specific reasons. That way you can set rules like "the house phone comes to my bedroom at 9pm each night" and "the house phone's messages are downloaded and are read by the owner of the phone....ie. mom and dad" etc. It is much easier to dispel any sort of privacy on the phone when it is a community phone, not belonging to one person. Right now you may not have specific concerns, but you never know when your lovely, obedient, innocent 10 yo, will turn into a hormone raged, sneaky teenager. The other benefit to this, is that if you phone breaks, that you can reclaim your phone with out taking away 'her' phone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 I have told my 10 year old no until he gets to be a teen. My teens got them at ages 14 and 16. But mine has more to do with the cost. He really wants something that he can use cell data with to play games in the car! So a pay as you go voice plan won't suffice for his wants. I don't really care what other parents do in terms of a cell phone for their kids......definitely no judgement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hypatia. Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 I would make it a 'house phone' that is yours, but she can borrow for specific reasons. That way you can set rules like "the house phone comes to my bedroom at 9pm each night" and "the house phone's messages are downloaded and are read by the owner of the phone....ie. mom and dad" etc. This is what we do. We don't have a landline so our "home phone" is an additional iPhone on our plan, costs an extra $6 a month. DS1 is home alone on occasion, and he'll use either the phone or the associated iMessage account on the homeschool laptop to message me. In the spring DD1 has an overnight chorus camp and she'll take it with her then. It stays charging in the kitchen otherwise. (Unless a certain 4 year old takes it, with the 6 year old's permission of course, :glare: to play Minecraft and drops it in the toilet.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProudGrandma Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 we just gave my old "dumb phone" to my dd 14 for use when she babysits or when the occasion that she is out someplace without us. Otherwise, she doesn't have the phone. So, I guess you can say it's the "house phone"....becasue the boys will have the option to have it too, when they need it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 My 16 year old doesn't have a cell and won't until I see a demonstrable need for it. Even then, it will be my phone that he gets to borrow as needed. I've never understood where we got the idea that giving kids (be they young or teen) a private communication network was anything but a terrible idea. It used to be that if a kid wanted to talk to another kid, they had to knock on your door and introduce themselves or call your home phone and introduce themselves (and for those who don't have landlines, I would suggest that this alone makes it worth the cost of getting one). If they were at your home, you would hear bits of the conversation in passing (or they would be outside and you wouldn't, but at least the conversation would be limited because eventually the kid would go home). If they were on the phone, you realized after a while that they had been on the phone "long enough" and would tell them to hang up. Now they just text constantly and unendingly with no adult oversight into what's being sent around. No worries that someone's mom is going to hear you say something you shouldn't. Nevermind the pics and videos. Sure, kids used to say things to each other they shouldn't, but at least it had a natural end (the kid went home or hung up) now it just goes on constantly with the text. Blech. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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