thinking of enrolling gentle son, 11 years old, in a martial arts class

[stupidusername]

I want him to be able to handle himself should the need arise. I also want him to be a confident and assertive young man, not a doormat for the world.

 

This is not something he wants to do. It's something I think he needs to do.

 

I know next to nothing about martial arts. There is a karate gym nearby. A little further out, there is a Krav Maga gym and a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu gym. I am going to visit all three and observe.

 

Any advice?

[Above The Rowan]

My shy, anxious, gentle 9 yr old has started taking Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and it has been wonderful for him. He's gaining confidence, learning some self defense techniques (the academy he goes to uses a Bullyproof curriculum for their little kids where they learn BJJ techniques in the framework of self defense as opposed to aggressive fighting).

 

He's less anxious in certain social situations because he knows in his mind that he can stop someone from bullying him (whether he could in actuality, after just a few months of classes, is another thing entirely). But he feels confident and he feels good about himself.

 

They offer a homeschool class at the academy we go to, and it has been hands down the best money I have spent since starting homeschooling.

 

Finding instructors your child feels comfortable with and can develop a good connection with, is pretty important I think. I would try out a few different styles and a few different academies/instructors. Go from there.

[CardinalAlt]

My relatively non-physical 7yr old daughter loves her karate class. I love how it's structured, that the senior students help coach the junior students, and help lead exercises, that the sensei is firm but kind, holding them to high standards of behavior. And I love how it's teaching DD to react more quickly and decisively, to be more aware of her body, and just to be mentally tougher - bouncing back up without fussing when someone knocks her down and getting back to the drill. She showed me once recently how she would get someone's hands off her neck if they were choking her - I thought, oh man, I hope you never need to use this, but I'm so glad you're capable if necessary!

 

We have found she needs some practice at home to improve consistently - a combination of iPod videos of the various katas she reviews each morning and some practice with DH in the afternoons has been enough so far.

[purduemeche]

Do it.  Boys need strength and discipline.  Martial arts are a perfect vehicle to deliver these.

[hornblower]

Well.... gentle =/= doormat

I'm not a huge fan of martial arts & I don't like the whole macho man myth so my comments probably come from a different perspective.  I'd encourage him to find an activity he enjoys because I think physical exercise is important.

But you can gain confidence & physical strength in lots of venues, for instance rock climbing if he likes a more solitary activity, or a team sport if that's more his style.

Assertiveness can also be developed by volunteering - esp in causes he's passionate about - or through public speaking like in junior toastmasters for example.

If you must go the martial arts route, I'd suggest an Aikido school (try to find a very traditional school. You'll know you've found it because it will be relatively inexpensive... I particularly dislike all the schools that charge endless testing fees & make up endless levels.. It's a gougy scheme to extract tons of extra fees from people.) as it's a martial art that includes concern for the attacker & in many ways appeals to a gentler, more peaceful soul.
 

[desertflower]

I would definitely observe. Sometimes there is a free class as well. we love cboi kwang do. Didn't like tae kwon do that's located in Lansing Michigan. There was always at least a kid crying. I would see if you could pay monthly first. I got suckered into paying for 6 months up front and my child hated it there.

 

I agree with the pp.

[NittanyJen]

Martial arts can be an excellent way to go with this, but observe-- several classes.  One thing you want to watch for is that you aren't sucked in by the "McDojo."  The people who run these are absolutely smooth, they have amazing operations and they really know how to take you in and make you feel good about sending your kid there . . . and open your wallet, again and again and again.  

 

A McDojo will .  . . .

 

...have more than 10 levels of belt colors "because kids need that much motivation to stay with it" (no, they don't, even 7 or 1 or 2 is fine with a good instructor, though the number of white/black belt dojos is infinitely small these days).  They will have every color belt from camoflage to rainbow.  Most common in a more solid dojo will be a progression such as white/yellow/orange/blue/green/brown/brown/brown/black (sometimes with purple or some stripes tossed in to fill it out to 10, and the precise order is not important; it can vary from one dojo or style to another).

 

...have an excessive number of programs aimed at the kids of all ages, including black belt clubs, tiny tiger times, zooland zeefers, breaking boppers, whatever (I am clearly making up the specific names-- but they will be cute, catchy names, the programs will cost extra, some of them will be REQUIRED after a certain belt level in order for your child to advance (in addition to the normal monthly fees and uniforms after the initial free uniform is outgrown/extra required equipment is purchased; others will be dangled enticingly in front of and marketed directly to the children, repeatedly.  I once saw a young, well-trained "black belt" telling a group of 4YO's, "Alllll the cool kids will be here Friday night for Tiny Tiger Time, so Mom and Dad can have some time alone!  Be sure you aren't left out!"  There were tears when the one kid who wasn't going to get to go was informed of the fact after his Mom found out what this TTT was going to cost her.  Get an up-front listing of ALL required fees, and press for an answer on whether it includes future "clubs" and extra classes or obligations required to get to black belt, even if that is not your child's goal.  There is nothing like investing time into a belt rank, only to be told after your second promotion that in order to continue, you have to add a second class at double the cost (and time commitment).  Ask other parents what charges they have had to pay in addition to the usual dues or monthly fees advertised directly.  (NOTE: It is completely normal to pay a nominal testing fee when testing for a belt rank.  There are good reasons for this fee, but it really should include the belt itself.  Testing fees for colored belts should fall between $10=$30 in a decent school (upper range fees should include registration with the international organization and proper rank certificates bearing the international stamp of the organization).  Black belt test fees carry a wider range depending on what, if any, national or world-wide organization the instructor is certified by.  These fees can vary from $50-$200.  If they are on the upper end of the range, find out why.  The instructor should not be belligerent or defensive about such questions.  IF he is, walk away.  Legitimate reasons include flying in a large testing panel, certification by the international organization (which you can research to find out if it is really recognized-- for example, and Isshinryu practitioner is in pretty good standing if certified by either IWKA or the OIKA).

 

...have an excessive number of kids in the dojo at once.  Watch the class.  Are the kids focused, paying close attention?  Are there enough instructors to guide and instruct the kids and help them get quickly back on track?  Even the littlest kids, while having fun, should not be rolling all over the floor or performing unauthorized sparring on their buddies in a well-run club that is of the right size.  Parents routinely marvel at how well-behaved and focused their kids are in a good class.

 

...have people doing stupid things, sometimes.  Nobody needs to break anything with their heads in a martial arts studio, ever.  It is completely pointless.  Nobody needs to be sparring without sparring gear.  Nobody needs to be sparring while wearing jewelry, and that goes for the instructors.  Young classes do not need to be yelled at just because the kids are little.  

 

...have very little contact between the head instructor and the students, with much teaching farmed out to junior instructors or suspiciously young "senior instructors" who look barely old enough to drive.  If it is a franchise place, where is the owner?  Is he the head instructor?  Is he present for 90% of all classes?  Why not?  What does he do besides teach karate (it is not uncommon for teaching to be a side job; that is not itself a red flag, but an instructor should have hours open when he is there and can get to know his students, unless the person running the class is truly a senior instructor).

 

My personal preference, which runs afoul of what some think of as just good marketing?  Really stupid, flashy uniforms that have nothing to do with the zen part of martial arts or humility.  That, to me, signals the place is more about marketing and cash flow than about teaching decent martial arts.  Others argue the instructor has a right to make money.  I argue if the instructor is any good at all, he will, without subtracting from his art (I don't teach littles, but when I do teach, I teach for free-- students pay dues to the organization for dojo upkeep and the like, but nothing for the instructors, so I'm a bit biased on that point).

 

So, there are other red flags, but those, I think are the biggies.  A good martial arts program can really do a lot for a kid.  I have both of mine farmed out to another instructor, even in a different style from my own, whom I have come to trust.  Both of my kids are essentially super pacifists, and karate has done great things for them in terms of confidence, learning to teach others, being able to speak up in a a group, and more.  You are looking for an instructor with a good balance between making an honest living and passing along actual knowledge rather than making as much money as a business model will allow.  Excessive fees, a ridiculous number of belts, too many add-ons as requirements for continuing along the path, junior instructors leading the pack, not allowing you to watch the class, marketing costly extras to the kids directly, unsafe practices (if it makes you shudder, they probably should not be doing it.  Rules of physiology apply to martial artists too.  We are not immortal beings), unclear fees, or unwillingness to answer basic programming questions should all send you straight out the door.

 

Reasonable belt structure, reasonable fees, clear and upfront explanations, being open to questions, safe practices, open classes for parents to watch, certification by a national or international organization you can verify on your own, are all things that should invite you back to watch another class and take an interest.

 

Good luck!

 

 

[TianXiaXueXiao]

Martial Arts are a great way to instill a child with the skills needed to master one's own mind and body. I'm personally partial to Dan Zan Ryu style Jujitsu and Judo as a long time practitioner. I also love Aikido, but I've found that the best dojos often don't teach younger children (at least where I live). You don't have to stick with Eastern arts. There's also fencing, wrestling, boxing, archery, and stick fighting as alternative martial arts disciplines. I think it is very important for the child to be interested in the chosen art. Some students will start out resistant because it's not their idea, but after a few classes begin to actually like it. I've witnessed major transformations in a number of students who started out as awkward and unsure halfhearted participants and grew into confident, graceful young men.

 

I support your plan to visit each school near you. I'm kinda hoping the Krav Maga instructor is impressive enough to win you over. I've taken a few courses at martial arts conventions and found the art to be very well rounded, but I'm not familiar with the teaching philosophy.

 

Make sure the instructor has a clean background (criminal) and lineage (legitimate promotions through accredited associations).

 

Watch out for signs that the school is little more than a commercial endeavor. It should be very clean and orderly. The senior students may be teaching the younger classes when you visit, so make sure that the sensei or director also has ample time with the students. Be cautious about black belt factories. Any reputable dojo will not have a multitude of minors with black belts.

 

Make sure the class spends a decent amount of time warming the students up. Any school that has less than 25 minutes of warm ups would be a red flag for me.

 

I hope your son warms up to the idea. Keep us posted on your progress in finding a match for your child.

 

Best of luck!

[stupidusername]

thanks for the great tips and feedback, everyone. Much appreciated. 

[stupidusername]

thanks for the great tips and feedback, everyone. Much appreciated. 

[stupidusername]

thanks for the great tips and feedback, everyone. Much appreciated. 

[stupidusername]

oops, triple post. 

[TianXiaXueXiao]

Martial arts can be an excellent way to go with this, but observe-- several classes. One thing you want to watch for is that you aren't sucked in by the "McDojo." The people who run these are absolutely smooth, they have amazing operations and they really know how to take you in and make you feel good about sending your kid there . . . and open your wallet, again and again and again.

 

A McDojo will . . . .

 

...have more than 10 levels of belt colors "because kids need that much motivation to stay with it" (no, they don't, even 7 or 1 or 2 is fine with a good instructor, though the number of white/black belt dojos is infinitely small these days). They will have every color belt from camoflage to rainbow. Most common in a more solid dojo will be a progression such as white/yellow/orange/blue/green/brown/brown/brown/black (sometimes with purple or some stripes tossed in to fill it out to 10, and the precise order is not important; it can vary from one dojo or style to another).

 

...have an excessive number of programs aimed at the kids of all ages, including black belt clubs, tiny tiger times, zooland zeefers, breaking boppers, whatever (I am clearly making up the specific names-- but they will be cute, catchy names, the programs will cost extra, some of them will be REQUIRED after a certain belt level in order for your child to advance (in addition to the normal monthly fees and uniforms after the initial free uniform is outgrown/extra required equipment is purchased; others will be dangled enticingly in front of and marketed directly to the children, repeatedly. I once saw a young, well-trained "black belt" telling a group of 4YO's, "Alllll the cool kids will be here Friday night for Tiny Tiger Time, so Mom and Dad can have some time alone! Be sure you aren't left out!" There were tears when the one kid who wasn't going to get to go was informed of the fact after his Mom found out what this TTT was going to cost her. Get an up-front listing of ALL required fees, and press for an answer on whether it includes future "clubs" and extra classes or obligations required to get to black belt, even if that is not your child's goal. There is nothing like investing time into a belt rank, only to be told after your second promotion that in order to continue, you have to add a second class at double the cost (and time commitment). Ask other parents what charges they have had to pay in addition to the usual dues or monthly fees advertised directly. (NOTE: It is completely normal to pay a nominal testing fee when testing for a belt rank. There are good reasons for this fee, but it really should include the belt itself. Testing fees for colored belts should fall between $10=$30 in a decent school (upper range fees should include registration with the international organization and proper rank certificates bearing the international stamp of the organization). Black belt test fees carry a wider range depending on what, if any, national or world-wide organization the instructor is certified by. These fees can vary from $50-$200. If they are on the upper end of the range, find out why. The instructor should not be belligerent or defensive about such questions. IF he is, walk away. Legitimate reasons include flying in a large testing panel, certification by the international organization (which you can research to find out if it is really recognized-- for example, and Isshinryu practitioner is in pretty good standing if certified by either IWKA or the OIKA).

 

...have an excessive number of kids in the dojo at once. Watch the class. Are the kids focused, paying close attention? Are there enough instructors to guide and instruct the kids and help them get quickly back on track? Even the littlest kids, while having fun, should not be rolling all over the floor or performing unauthorized sparring on their buddies in a well-run club that is of the right size. Parents routinely marvel at how well-behaved and focused their kids are in a good class.

 

...have people doing stupid things, sometimes. Nobody needs to break anything with their heads in a martial arts studio, ever. It is completely pointless. Nobody needs to be sparring without sparring gear. Nobody needs to be sparring while wearing jewelry, and that goes for the instructors. Young classes do not need to be yelled at just because the kids are little.

 

...have very little contact between the head instructor and the students, with much teaching farmed out to junior instructors or suspiciously young "senior instructors" who look barely old enough to drive. If it is a franchise place, where is the owner? Is he the head instructor? Is he present for 90% of all classes? Why not? What does he do besides teach karate (it is not uncommon for teaching to be a side job; that is not itself a red flag, but an instructor should have hours open when he is there and can get to know his students, unless the person running the class is truly a senior instructor).

 

My personal preference, which runs afoul of what some think of as just good marketing? Really stupid, flashy uniforms that have nothing to do with the zen part of martial arts or humility. That, to me, signals the place is more about marketing and cash flow than about teaching decent martial arts. Others argue the instructor has a right to make money. I argue if the instructor is any good at all, he will, without subtracting from his art (I don't teach littles, but when I do teach, I teach for free-- students pay dues to the organization for dojo upkeep and the like, but nothing for the instructors, so I'm a bit biased on that point).

 

So, there are other red flags, but those, I think are the biggies. A good martial arts program can really do a lot for a kid. I have both of mine farmed out to another instructor, even in a different style from my own, whom I have come to trust. Both of my kids are essentially super pacifists, and karate has done great things for them in terms of confidence, learning to teach others, being able to speak up in a a group, and more. You are looking for an instructor with a good balance between making an honest living and passing along actual knowledge rather than making as much money as a business model will allow. Excessive fees, a ridiculous number of belts, too many add-ons as requirements for continuing along the path, junior instructors leading the pack, not allowing you to watch the class, marketing costly extras to the kids directly, unsafe practices (if it makes you shudder, they probably should not be doing it. Rules of physiology apply to martial artists too. We are not immortal beings), unclear fees, or unwillingness to answer basic programming questions should all send you straight out the door.

 

Reasonable belt structure, reasonable fees, clear and upfront explanations, being open to questions, safe practices, open classes for parents to watch, certification by a national or international organization you can verify on your own, are all things that should invite you back to watch another class and take an interest.

 

Good luck!

I agree with every word of this post. Right on! Great advice!

[OneStepAtATime]

Martial Arts can be such a wonderful way to improve physical health, strength, coordination, focus, and help with self-discipline, ability to be confident in a crowd and to stand up for oneself when one needs to.  As mentioned up thread, all of these things can be achieved without latching onto the "macho" mindset.

 

But you definitely need to find a really good instructor.   DS had a couple of wonderful instructors.  He has coordination issues, focus issues and can be timid.  It made him a bit insecure in any sort of physical activity and he had trouble focusing and staying still when needed.  All of that improved by leaps and bounds when he started taking Karate.  The instructors really took him under their wing.  They were so supportive.  What also helped, though, was periodic private lessons along with class lessons right in the early days so that technique got solidified early and the instructors could see in detail where he was struggling and needed additional help.  Honestly, those periodic private lessons were worth far more than the class lessons for getting DS up and running early and feeling confident.  

 

Unfortunately, both of the wonderful instructors left.  The one that remained was a totally different kettle of fish.  He was very much of the "macho" mindset.  He would belittle the kids, give confusing and contradictory instruction, change belt requirements on a whim, punish the kids at random without explaining what he thought they had done wrong, tell kids that anyone in sports were wasting their time since only martial arts mattered then cut them down if they tried to defend whatever sport they were involved in, etc.  Things turned very ugly and eventually we had to pull him out.  He has never gone back.  

 

Please, ask other parents.  Watch several classes.  Follow some of the great advice already given on this thread.  Choose wisely.  

 

Best wishes.

[KarenNC]

Aside from the issue of McDojos, compare the overall costs of the form you choose. They will vary even with really good schools just because the different disciplines are structured differently. Will you need to purchase sparring gear (and continue to buy more as the student grows)? Participate in tournaments to advance? Will those tournaments require travel? Will you need a special uniform for testing or tournaments, or have to have the testing uniform specially drycleaned? Are there other things like practice weapons, yearly affiliation fees, etc?

 

We have found that aikido fits our philosophy of life much better than more sport forms where advancement is based on defeating another student (my husband and daughter have studied aikido for almost 8 years now). We have seminars based around improving one's own skills rather than tournaments based around defeating an opponent, there's no breaking of anything, etc. The path to black belt status in aikido is also longer. One cannot test for black belt in the USAF until at least age 18, and it will take an adult who is committed to regular practice about 10 years to get to black belt. My daughter will have been on the mat 12 years before she is even eligible to test for black belt and I am happy about that. http://www.usaikifed.com/ We have also found it to be very inexpensive, especially compared to friends who are in something like taekwondo.

 

 

 

 

[Elisabet1]

Is he interested? If not, it might just be torture.

 

Believe it or not...dance has helped my gentle son. He gets out there and performs and it is giving him confidence. I think it helps a lot. I started him in martial arts, but he hated getting hit in the head.

[happypamama]

My three big kids, all of different temperaments, love their martial arts classes. We have a gazillion choices around here, but we chose ours because people recommended the owner/head instructor very highly. Ours is hapkido, which has turned out to be really great for my kids. It is heavily self defense focused, which I think is good for kids. Go and observe classes, and talk to the lead people. I see how our instructor (who teaches most of the classes, especially the daytime homeschool classes that my kids attend) meets all of the kids where they are, from my feisty tween who thrives on the good challenge to my quiet 9yo who enjoys dissecting all the moves to my little 6yo who doesn't care about awards but who wants to have fun and use his energy. There's discipline and respect and discussion but never any yelling, and you can tell he genuinely cares about the kids.

[....]

Here were always my complaints/concerns/what I looked for:

 

1.  I looked for a place that had NO contract.  I do not want to sign a contract for a kid's activity and I want to be able to quit anytime.  I also don't believe a kid's activity should be equivalent to a freaking car payment (*ahem* excuse my French).

2.  See what the other kids are like.  Are the kids polite?  Feral?  Are they any good?  Most of the kids at our gym are really nice, so my kids have made a ton of friends.   

3.  Is there more beyond 1st degree black belt (this can be a huge problem).  99% of our gym's focus has been on the colored belts getting up to black belt.  That's fine.  I know the colored belts need a lot of help getting there.  BUT, black belt should be just the beginning.  In the last year, our school owner has bent over backwards (no pun intended - LOL) trying to get enrichment stuff going for the kids (workshops with visiting masters, teaching new weapons AFTER class, a free Jujitsu class, etc) who have been black belts for awhile and need more challenge.  This is awesome.  Otherwise, my kids will get bored and quit...

4.  Do they push tournaments like there's no tomorrow?  We do tournaments sometimes. Heck, my oldest two are actually in the top 10 in our state.  BUT, my youngest two hate tournaments, will never be world champion martial artists and I don't want them to be pushed into doing them if they don't want to.  I don't want anyone to make them feel bad if they don't constantly compete.     

  

Above all else, definitely look at how the instructors are interacting with the kids and if the kids seem happy/excited for class.  

[LLMom]

I did this when my son was 13.  He is very shy, not confident, etc.  He was very resistant, but we forced him.  He loved it.  It really helped him with his self-confidence.  He thanked us later for making him join.

[wintermom]

Well.... gentle =/= doormat

 

I'm not a huge fan of martial arts & I don't like the whole macho man myth so my comments probably come from a different perspective.  I'd encourage him to find an activity he enjoys because I think physical exercise is important.

 

But you can gain confidence & physical strength in lots of venues, for instance rock climbing if he likes a more solitary activity, or a team sport if that's more his style.

 

Assertiveness can also be developed by volunteering - esp in causes he's passionate about - or through public speaking like in junior toastmasters for example.

 

If you must go the martial arts route, I'd suggest an Aikido school (try to find a very traditional school. You'll know you've found it because it will be relatively inexpensive... I particularly dislike all the schools that charge endless testing fees & make up endless levels.. It's a gougy scheme to extract tons of extra fees from people.) as it's a martial art that includes concern for the attacker & in many ways appeals to a gentler, more peaceful soul.

 

 

This is a big over-generalization, and kind of offensive IMO. I've participated and competed in Taekwon-Do for 13 years and have never experienced whatever you mean by 'macho man.'  On the contrary, if you look at the tenets of TKD and you'll see that they are not about beating others, but building a peaceful world through being a better person through self-discipline and courtesy, and defending one's self and others.

 

You can find poor attitudes and practices in leadership in all sorts of activities. It's important to get to know the leadership practices and philosophies in any new activity. Obviously, there can be broad ranges here. 

[KarenNC]

Is he interested? If not, it might just be torture.

 

Believe it or not...dance has helped my gentle son. He gets out there and performs and it is giving him confidence. I think it helps a lot. I started him in martial arts, but he hated getting hit in the head.

 

That's another good point---look for fit of style. Not all martial arts involve getting hit in the head, punched, or kicked, just as not all involve throws or grappling. Watch some youtube videos of the styles available to you or check the website for the national organization with which the dojo is affiliated to get an idea of the kinds of moves involved. For instance, my daughter has zero interest in something focused primarily on forms, punching, kicking, and sparring (like taekwando or karate), or on grappling (like jiu jitsu), but loves "flying" (getting thrown in aikido). She also has a strong preference for the less aggressive nature of aikido, where the focus is on getting out of the way and doing the least amount of harm to your attacker or yourself with a minimum of effort rather than overpowering them with force or hurting them enough that they don't get back up. It also factors in that she is fairly small (and always will be) and aikido does not depend on strength (it can be practiced well into one's senior citizen years, unlike a more strength-based approach) . One of her friends loves the hard aggressive sparring in tkd and the really close grappling of Brazilian jiu jitsu, so she crosstrains. Another finds the dance forms of capoeira a good fit. None of the three is "wrong," any more than the person who chooses swimming over basketball for a sport. They have different interests and fits.

 

I would also definitely recommend you choose a school with at least a national affiliation. That way rank earned in your dojo will mean something if you go to another dojo in the same affiliation, otherwise it may well not. I'm hoping my daughter will be able to continue her aikido training in college, for instance, so looking for schools close to a dojo affiliated with the US Aikido Federation is one factor in starting to look at colleges.

 

Fit (of style, school, and instructor) is important enough to us that we drive about 40 min one way several times a week to get to our dojo and have for 8 years, passing tons of other schools of various types (including some that offer some form of aikido).

[happypamama]

I think it helps to know what going rates are for activities in your area. What I pay for martial arts, per kid, is comparable to what I was paying for ballet for my daughter a few years ago, plus our studio doesn't charge testing fees at all, even for black belts (he specifically rolled them into the tuition fees), so it's totally reasonable, IMO (and way better than traveling soccer or whatever it is that my dh's coworkers' kids do).

 

Also, contracts. We were given a uniform and a month of unlimited classes for an introductory rate, and then we were asked to sign a three month contract. I felt this was fair. After that, we were asked to sign a year contract. I, personally, also felt that this was very fair and reasonable. We were given plenty of time to decide if the place was right for us before we signed a contract (and our owner/head instructor is always available if we have questions or concerns), and it's not cool, IMO, if he turns away students for lack of space, and then our kids decide not to attend after a few months because they get bored. Unusual circumstances like an injury or job loss or move would be different, but I have no problem with signing the contract.

[SKL]

My girls and I do family TKD.  I signed them up, I didn't ask them.  :)  I consider self-defense to be a life skill, especially for folks who don't have much of an instinct to physically defend themselves.

 

I think my kids do better with me in the class (though I'm not sure).  It's a great workout for all of us and as strange as it may sound, it's a really gentle experience.  The head instructor is focused but kind and supportive.  There is no "competition" in the classes (though they do have tournaments, which we haven't chosen to attend so far).  We move at our own pace.

 

The fees we pay allow us (whole family) to come any number of times during the week.  After we got our yellow belts, they offered us a "black belt club" deal which is a one-time fee for unlimited classes until we get our black belts, however long that may take.  It works out to a reasonable deal with low pressure.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't believe in forcing stuff like that.  The right school will work out just fine for a gentle person though.  I took Kenpo for some time.  It was mostly about exercising.  Movements are almost dance like.  The particular school I went to was not about fighting.  They did spar, but for example if someone walked into the place and asked when do they get to learn to hurt people the school would reject to enroll them (that actually did happen). 

 

 

[KarenNC]

This link gives a bare-bones grouping of different styles of martial arts based on their main focus, which may be helpful. http://martialarts.about.com/od/styles/a/styles.htm

[G5052]

Martial arts can be very compatible with being a gentle soul.  

 

My oldest is a shodan (black belt) in Aikido and has been studying it for eight years.  It has been called "The Art of Peace."  He is now an instructor at the dojo and easily mixes it up with the biggest and the best at regional seminars we've been to.

 

And he won't kill anything.  Seriously.  This kid traps spiders and stink bugs and carefully takes them outside.

 

[Orthodox6]

Martial arts is not a wrong choice. Neither is it an essential choice. My two "gentle" sons, currently ages 21 and 25, are anything BUT doormats. No member of my family has tried any of the martial arts.

 

If your son wishes to try something, let him. If he then wishes to withdraw from classes, let him.

 

Forcing something like this does not sit well with me, although mine may be a minority viewpoint.

[Orthodox6]

if you look at the tenets of TKD and you'll see that they are not about beating others, but building a peaceful world through being a better person through self-discipline and courtesy, and defending one's self and others.

 

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A side observation on something I found interesting. . . The quoted portion stood out for me. I have known people from all manner of religions (and non-religions) who cite these identical goals as being core essentials for their worldview. In other words, martial arts is but one of multiple paths to similar or same goals. Sounds fairly "universal" to me.

[wintermom]

A side observation on something I found interesting. . . The quoted portion stood out for me. I have known people from all manner of religions (and non-religions) who cite these identical goals as being core essentials for their worldview. In other words, martial arts is but one of multiple paths to similar or same goals. Sounds fairly "universal" to me.

 

Maybe, but I've seen more similarities with military and law-enforcement, especially in regards to defending self and others through physical and verbal means. 

 

The tenets of Taekwon-Do certainly did not contradict any of my religious beliefs, but there are some distict differences in how peace is achieved.

[mathnerd]

old thread. nm. 

 

[sewingmama]

Do it. I enrolled my super gentle son who just sits there and lets people hit him because he says its bad to hit and doesnt want to hurt someone.

 

He wasnt that interested at first but now he loves it and in his usual perfectionist way he is excellent at it.

 

I knew nothing about it so I just enrolled him in the only class in town...still don't know what kind it is but but it has big sticks and knives lol.