Joanne Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I did finally start getting the Social Security benefit on their Dad's retirement record for the kids. It is more than he would be asked to pay in modified for his income (nothing except social security because he doesn't work). Therefore, he won't have any more child support obligation, ever. He will still owe 5 digits in arrears. And, do you think he paid any payments on that since he was read his rights in August and the Judge asked if I wanted to send him to jail? Go ahead, guess. (And omg don't get me started on the irony of me having to take off from work, drive down town, pay to park......) ----------------------------------- So,the bottom line is this: he is relieved of any ongoing child support AND arrears. I could have fought the arrears part. But I have been psychically ties to him for 8 years and in one form or another fighting with him for 20. It was worth forgiving a possible $14k to be......done. I am moving ON, baby.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I did finally start getting the Social Security benefit on their Dad's retirement record for the kids. It is more than he would be asked to pay in modified for his income (nothing except social security because he doesn't work). Therefore, he won't have any more child support obligation, ever. He will still owe 5 digits in arrears. And, do you think he paid any payments on that since he was read his rights in August and the Judge asked if I wanted to send him to jail? Go ahead, guess. (And omg don't get me started on the irony of me having to take off from work, drive down town, pay to park......) If he does not work, what keeps you from sending him to jail if he owes so much? I thought you didn't want to let him get incarcerated because that would likely decrease his earning potential. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 If he does not work, what keeps you from sending him to jail if he owes so much? I thought you didn't want to let him get incarcerated because that would likely decrease his earning potential. No, that wasn't the reason, He has not worked long or regularly since our youngest was in utero. I didn't "want" to send him to jail because what's the point? To prove I am right? I AM right. He can be a deadbeat Dad on either side of those bars. Preventing the kids from seeing him (if he were in jail) hurts them. ETA: the above, and I had done a funky, new age, woo-woo forgiveness ritual for a list of people and things in my life. Not sending him to jail might have emerged from the energy of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 No, that wasn't the reason, He has not worked long or regularly since our youngest was in utero. I didn't "want" to send him to jail because what's the point? To prove I am right? I AM right. He can be a deadbeat Dad on either side of those bars. Preventing the kids from seeing him (if he were in jail) hurts them. ETA: the above, and I had done a funky, new age, woo-woo forgiveness ritual for a list of people and things in my life. Not sending him to jail might have emerged from the energy of that. I get that it would perhaps not change much for you but - as you know - some people need to realize that another person is not kidding and jail would likely not be a pleasant place to be. Your children probably know that he is unmotivated to participate in their upkeep. Are they old enough to understand why he would be in jail (hypothetically speaking)? Would they snip off his SS if he is living off the state? In my (albeit totally inexperienced with custody payments / laws) mind, they should just send the whole check to you if he is punching license plates for his food... :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 No advice or comments other than :grouphug:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunflowerlady Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pronghorn Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I remember as a kid worrying about my dad maybe having to go to jail for not supporting us. He never did go to jail, and I am thankful for that. I think it would have been hard on us kids. I might have felt guilty for having financial needs if he had. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I remember as a kid worrying about my dad maybe having to go to jail for not supporting us. He never did go to jail, and I am thankful for that. I think it would have been hard on us kids. I might have felt guilty for having financial needs if he had. :iagree: Sending him to jail would serve no purpose other then to make him suffer(which might feel good for a minute.... or 10) and through him the children suffer. I wouldn't do that to my kids, especially as it would not help me financially. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 ----------------------------------- So,the bottom line is this: he is relieved of any ongoing child support AND arrears. I could have fought the arrears part. But I have been psychically ties to him for 8 years and in one form or another fighting with him for 20. It was worth forgiving a possible $14k to be......done. I am moving ON, baby.. My ex was getting antsy about child support. He's currently not working and it started being due in November. I told him the rules for our state and then I point blank told him, "Half of our marriage issues were about money, do you seriously think I'm going to looking to deal with not getting money from you?" Honestly, I feel so relieved to be out from under that part, that if I get any child support, I'll consider it a bonus. Moving on is freeing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Done and on. Good for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 (snip) So,the bottom line is this: he is relieved of any ongoing child support AND arrears. I could have fought the arrears part. But I have been psychically ties to him for 8 years and in one form or another fighting with him for 20. It was worth forgiving a possible $14k to be......done. I am moving ON, baby.. I know what you mean. I number of years ago, I embarked on an experimental medical process that I hoped would take care of chronic issues. I was concerned about the cost, as it was an unknown at the time. My dh made it really clear to me what my threshold was: he asked me, "What amount would you pay, no questions asked, if someone said you could be made well?" I named an amount (that is the amount that is "no questions asked") and he said, "OK, that's the amount we start asking questions at." It was a big number. It was clarifying. THAT is the amount it is worth to you to be free from all the vexation. Good buy, if you ask me. I'm sorry it was so costly, but I'm glad you can move on. (BTW: the treatment did me some good, and the cost TOTAL was less than 10% of my "number." ) (Just to close the story.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 :grouphug: So does that mean you still get the SS $ for the kids? I don't know much about the divorce/support terminology. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 :grouphug: So does that mean you still get the SS $ for the kids? I don't know much about the divorce/support terminology. Yes, the social security continues until May for my dd and 2.5 years for the youngest. A parent still having minor kids while qualifying for retirement is not common in the system. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Sorry for what you have had to go through. Being a single mom has to take such tremendous emotional energy, even without other complications. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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