elegantlion Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 You all are great. I think I need to something ritualistic, although I may see what they'd sell for, the band is very basic, and the diamond is small and one of the posts is bent, so it would need work. Throwing them in a river would be pretty symbolic, definitely will skip the balloon though. I want to get back to traveling, maybe I'll think of some place symbolic to get rid of them. I think ex still wears his as he is still processing some of the closure and some of the events that lead up to the divorce. Ds will be getting a ruby ring from my dad at some point, . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 I am a very practical person, so I know that I would sell them. That's just me. I think you have to do whatever gives you the most closure. But, remember they are just things and while symbolic to you of a failed marriage, they are symbolic of nothing to the person who buys them. They will become symbolic to them based on what they do with them after the purchase. So, you aren't passing on anything but gems and metals, nothing more. The symbolism will be new for the new wearer. Therefore, if you need the money, don't give it a second thought. Then again, if it bothers you a lot, go ahead and bury them. :iagree: exactly my thoughts. I would sell (and did) but I'm not much on symbolism. But as Faith says if you really feel the need, then yes, bury them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 My mother saved her wedding set from her marriage to my father for me and for my brother. I got the wedding band of diamonds at my high school graduation. I wear it all the time. As a matter of fact, my wedding set was damaged a couple of years ago and I never seem to get around to getting it fixed, so I just wear the ring my mom gave me at graduation. I don't have much sentiment for objects, so it's just metal and rocks to me but I consider it a nice present from my mom and in a round about way my dad. My only biological sibling, my brother, got the engagement ring when he was an adult so he could do as he liked with it-give it to his future wife, have the diamonds reset as a gift to his future wife, sell it and use that money toward a wedding set for his future wife, have it set in some other piece of jewelry for himself or his future wife or future child, whatever. I have no idea what he did with it. He's married and has a son and has no plans for any more children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 I've been saving my rings and my wedding pictures to give to my oldest. I have thought about selling them and would if we needed the money, but I don't think I'd get much for them anyway. As the recipient of the wedding pictures of my divorced parents, I have to ask (no snark or sarcasm or anything like that) Why do you think your child(ren) will want them? What's your motivation for keeping them and giving them? What do you think your child will get from them? My maternal grandparents saved them and gave them to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 As the recipient of the wedding pictures of my divorced parents, I have to ask (no snark or sarcasm or anything like that) Why do you think your child(ren) will want them? What's your motivation for keeping them and giving them? What do you think your child will get from them? My maternal grandparents saved them and gave them to me. At first I was saving them just in case and because I didn't know what to do with them. She has expressed interest in having them some day. Why? Because they are pictures of her parents when we were younger. Pictures of grandparents, uncles, aunts, great grandparents who are now dead. It's part of her family history and heritage. We were married until she was 8. Even though we aren't any more, we are both still her parents. She has other pictures from before we divorced, some with her in them, some without. I've always liked looking at pictures of my parents and other relatives when they were younger. I don't remember my parents as married, they divorced when I was 2. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 A friend who divorced gave me her old rings when she re-married. Years later, when THAT marriage failed, I sent the rings back to her to do with as she wanted. She was happy to get them back, because they were really pretty (not typical so not so much like "wedding rings") and she was able to enjoy wearing them again. Another friend just sold hers to make the payment on her rent. My sister had hers re-made into a necklace pendant, but there were a lot of diamonds involved in that set, so it made a pretty ornament. Just throwing out ideas. I ring bells for Salvation Army and I would think that if you put the rings in the Red Kettle, you might want to put a little note on them to say that they are freely given--that they didn't just fall off your hand or something. Just to make it easier on those who open the kettle. :0) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer&Mom Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 As the recipient of the wedding pictures of my divorced parents, I have to ask (no snark or sarcasm or anything like that) Why do you think your child(ren) will want them? What's your motivation for keeping them and giving them? What do you think your child will get from them? My maternal grandparents saved them and gave them to me. My parents separated before I was born. I never knew them as a couple, only as antagonists. There was a brief period after I was born, but before I could remember, when they were on friendly terms. I have one photo of the three of us together where everyone is smiling. It means the world to me. I imagine some children of divorced parents would love to see wedding pictures. Mom and Dad all dressed up! When they were young! And happy! And together! I think it is so important to feel that you were the product of a loving relationship, even if it didn't last. Heck, keep the pictures for the grandkids. I don't see any reason to get rid of wedding pictures. They are family history. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maplecat Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I have a couple of wedding photos of my maternal grandparents who divorced when my mom was a child. I love seeing them young, happy, and so beautiful. The marriage didn't last, but they were still my grandparents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 My brother and I thought is was bizarre that our grandparents saved our parents' wedding photos. We looked at them a few times over the years like we would at any photo of anyone we knew, but when our grandparents gave them to us as adults (in our 30s) neither of us was the slightest bit interested in keeping them so I threw them away. We said "Thank you." when they gave them to us. My brother and I had a private conversation about it later and they went went into the trash can and off to the dump. My parents separated when I was 7 days old and my brother as 11 months old. We never knew them together and saw our dad all the time throughout our childhood and adulthood. They always got along with each other for our sake at recitals, graduations, etc. They never spoke negatively of each other. Don't expect anything of your kids if you're keeping things from your former marriage for them. They may have negative, neutral or positive responses to it. It's nice to be thought of and to be given the chance to choose what to do with them, but don't have any expectations about getting a certain kind of response. We're not people who care about family history at all. We don't keep lots of photos of any family, just a few things here and there-mostly of our kids and spouses. Neither of us are particularly sentimental about things, so different strokes for different folks and all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 My mother gave me the engagement ring that my birth father gave her. She gave it to me after I got engaged and DH didn't give me a ring. I have never warn it, but keep it in my jewelry box. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I'd slip it into one of those Salvation Army collection buckets and walk away. They will sell it and use the money for one of their programs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I would sell it without a second thought. If the symbolism bothers you, take it to one of the "we buy gold" places and they will purify it with fire by melting it down, lol. That would be both more reasonable and more symbolic to my mind. It may be worth more than you think. I got a good few bucks strictly for the gold value of my old high school ring, and it was about the cheapest one available. I can't imagine wanting the rings from my parents' failed marriage for any reason. Except to sell them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I like regentrude's idea of selling and the proceeds into something meaningful for you, but I also completely understand wanting to bury it. Should you decide to bury it, let me know the time and day so I can raise a glass of wine in your honor and go out on the deck and howl at the moon. :D :blushing: You understand the sentiment, right? You are an amazing woman and I wish you all the best. I know that this new beginning hasn't been easy, but I still believe in my heart you are destined for great things, my dear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 A number of people have brought up the kids but I wanted to say that I think it doesn't matter what the kids want in this particular case. My parents didn't hold on to theirs. My grandmother kept the wedding album for my brother and I, which was sweet of her. Also, my brother eventually got my grandmother's ring, so I guess we knew that was maybe going to be a future thing. In any case, I think it's wrong to try and eliminate all traces of memories of the marriage for the sake of the kids who want to have that history, but the rings themselves are personal to the couple and I think they should do whatever feels right for them with them and not feel obliged to try to save them for the kids if they feel it's wrong - like a symbol of a broken marriage, as stated above. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIOnly Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2866047/Widow-places-diamond-ring-Salvation-Army-kettle.htm I thought this was beautiful when I read it the other day. (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 A number of people have brought up the kids but I wanted to say that I think it doesn't matter what the kids want in this particular case. My parents didn't hold on to theirs. My grandmother kept the wedding album for my brother and I, which was sweet of her. Also, my brother eventually got my grandmother's ring, so I guess we knew that was maybe going to be a future thing. In any case, I think it's wrong to try and eliminate all traces of memories of the marriage for the sake of the kids who want to have that history, but the rings themselves are personal to the couple and I think they should do whatever feels right for them with them and not feel obliged to try to save them for the kids if they feel it's wrong - like a symbol of a broken marriage, as stated above. It is interesting how differently we all view this. Even though I am keeping mine for ds I am prepared to not be surprised if he or future girlfriend aren't interested. To me it is not a symbol of a failed marriage but rather a symbol of the Union that produced my son. And my son is definitely the best thing that came out of that marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 It is interesting how differently we all view this. Even though I am keeping mine for ds I am prepared to not be surprised if he or future girlfriend aren't interested. To me it is not a symbol of a failed marriage but rather a symbol of the Union that produced my son. And my son is definitely the best thing that came out of that marriage. What a lovely way to put it, Scarlett. I wear my father's simple gold wedding band. He was ever faithful and his ring reminds me of his integrity and commitment to our family and my mom. Mom has some hefty diamonds from her new husband. When she goes, I want nothing to do with them. I have a new grand niece by marriage and I hope that she will receive and enjoy them, passed down from my brother, as a remembrance of him (brother), since she will never have any recollection of my father. Eta this does not preclude my earlier statement about tossing them into the drink. That's still what I would do. Elegantlion, giving yourself a waiting period is a wise choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 I'm listening and pondering. I agree with Scarlett, despite the ending of our marriage we ended up with a great kid who somehow got the best of both of us in him. Anyway, I still don't know. I feel like giving away the band would be harder because it's part of a matching set and I'm not sure you can find that style anymore. The solitaire is different, I don't know. I think I'll know when it's the right time to really deal with it and make a decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I would either sell them or throw them in the ocean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 I would either sell them or throw them in the ocean. Would that I lived near the ocean *sniff* A ring in a bottle, now that would be great. Attach the story Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I would definitely give it some time. I cannot express to you how disgusted I was with my ring while I was going through my divorce. I feel soooo much differently now, 5 1/2 years down the road. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I waited for the price of gold to get higher and I sold mine. I asked my dd if she wanted it as a keepsake and she didn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle in MO Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Would that I lived near the ocean *sniff* Come on over to the east side! We've got a river that's nearly as big as an ocean! I'll hold your hand so you don't fall in when you throw it! I'm sorry for all you're going through. You've gotten good feedback, and I think you're right about knowing when it'll be right to do something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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