Do homeschooled kids *need* to go away to college?

[CAMom]

So, I was chatting with a friend last night who moved her son into the dorms last week. He was not homeschooled but attended at private high school.

 

I was trying to sympathize and offer encouragement even though I haven't reached college with my kids yet. I did joke that that is why I'm encouraging my son to look at local schools-he can live at home and commute (we have a small guest house on our property and I was saying how he can live there while going to school) to classes.

 

She looked at me rather seriously and said, "He really *needs* to go away to school; especially since he's been homeschooled. He's been sheltered and the apron strings need to be cut!"

 

I've always been really confident in our choice to homeschool. We've been doing it since this child was in second grade and he's now in tenth. I must admit that her comments caused me to doubt just ever so slightly.

 

In your experience, do homeschooled kids *need* to go away from home for college to "cut the apron strings?" I'm thinking not but thought I would come and be talked to by people who actually have experience in sending homeschooled kids to college.;)

 

I appreciate you indulging my slight concern!:)

[VaKim]

No more than they "need" to go to public school when they are younger to be "socialized."

 

I never went to college at all, and have never lived more than 5 miles from my parents, but I'd say I had not the slightest trouble "cutting the apron strings." :)

[Anna]

In your experience, do homeschooled kids *need* to go away from home for college to "cut the apron strings?"

 

Nope. Both of mine were homeschooled since they were babies.

 

Dd#1, my introvert, lives home, her private college is 10 min away, she's in their Honors Program and just started her second year there. She works part-time on campus and has made several nice friends.

 

Dd#2, who is bipolar, just graduated from high school and completed her first semester of college and she works part-time. She's continuing at community college to get her Assoc. Degree before heading to 4-yr univ here in town. This kid REALLY loves being away from her parents as much as possible. Just her personality.

 

I don't think my kids are clingy and tied to me???:001_unsure:

[Jane in NC]

Whether a student should go away to college depends on personality and desired course of study, maybe other factors as well.

 

It is highly beneficial for some students (homeschooled or not) to leave their home towns for new perspectives. My son has stated his preference to attend college in a different region of the country. We know a young man who is spending his junior year of high school in France--talk about new perspectives! But not all college students would be happy in such circumstances.

 

I think the biggest mistake that parents make is assuming that a particular college (maybe one in their home town or an alma mater) is the school that will work for their child. Some students want the big university experience, some want the small LAC. Not all junior colleges offer the options that fit every students' needs.

 

Frankly I cannot imagine my son attending a university in New York City, for example, but if Columbia or NYU had the program or mentor which he was seeking, then he should pursue the option.

 

So much goes into a college decision!

 

Jane

[Janet in Toronto]

I think it totally depends on the student.

 

My 16 yo is going into his last year of high school. He has always been in public or private school. He **needs** to go away to university, mainly because I believe that he needs to become a problem-solver and to look after his own needs more. He tends to complain and moan, rather than look for solutions to problems. He is also very self-conscious (and not in a positive way, most of the time.) That being said, he is otherwise quite mature, solid, trustworthy, and capable of doing laundry, cooking, and managing his time and money. Our local university, while one of the best in Canada, has huge undergraduate classes and a commuter student body. This son will thrive in a smaller, campus atmosphere with students living away from home. We're hoping he chooses a Catholic college associated with a large university 75 minutes away from home.

 

My second son is in 8th grade, was only homeschooled for two years (grades 4 and 5). He has also been in both public and private schools. At this early stage, I am not so fussed about whether he goes away or not. He is resourceful and tends to find ways to make things work, even if they're not ideal from our (parents) perspective. He is quite independent and in some ways, feel that the apron strings are a lot looser with him than with our older son. He wouldn't be phased by large local university...he makes friends easily and is very self-assured.

 

Don't know if this makes any sense or not. But I think it's worthwhile to reflect on what is right for a specific child, homeschooled or not.

[Michelle in MO]

say that it depends upon the child and their personality and interests.

 

Our oldest dd is quieter and more stay-at-home. I think with her a lot depends on how well she transitions to the private school she's going to, although so far she's doing fairly well. She may end up staying closer to home.

 

Our middle dd has a strong passion for fantasy literature (good stuff) and talks seriously about wanting to go to Cambridge someday! She wants to get out of "boring old Missouri" and go somewhere exciting, like Cambridge or Harvard or Yale! (You better get a scholarship, kiddo! :D)

 

It was so funny---when we dropped them off at the creative writing camp they (older and middle dd's) went to this summer, I overheard middle daughter saying that she wanted to get "out of Missouri and experience the East Coast vibe"! I thought this was hilarious!

 

Actually, both girls are very good friends, so it might be that they'll wind up at the same place.

 

It's too early to tell about the youngest. But, I would say it depends upon the kid.

[Guest Katia]

No. Nobody "needs" to go away to college, necessarily. Depends on the child and their goals in life.

 

I have two homeschooled dc that have graduated from our homeschool, and both have gone the college route.

 

Ds #1 went to the local community college concurrently for 11th and 12th grades. He lived at home and didn't do the campus social scene; he just attended classes. After he graduated with his AA degree, he transferred to a small private Christian liberal arts college out-of-state. It was really, really good for him. He made a lot of friends and learned how to do things for himself instead of depending on mom and dad to help him through the process. He transferred back home to a state university for his last two years of college, but since the college was one hour away he found a local apartment. That was good for him too; away from home but able to come home if he had a free weekend or for holidays.

 

Going away to college made him appreciate home, mom and dad much more. He learned how to fend for himself and he grew up a lot. He now has his BA and is working at his dream job, an hour away from home. Has his own house (rental for now but is looking to purchase) and is doing just fine. I think his various college experiences worked for him.

 

DD#2 has just graduated our homeschool last year, so this fall is her freshman year. She wanted to get away, faaarrr away, not from mom, dad and family, but she can't stand this state and this area. So, she is attending her dream college which also happens to be in the state of her birth, which according to her has "normal" people (as opposed to where we live now).

 

I can tell she is already blossoming and becoming the person she used to be (before we moved to this more repressive state/area). So, yes, getting away was "necessary" for her and I'm SO glad she could. It is what she needed.

 

But, had she liked this area....I'm not so sure she would have gone anywhere. She would have lived at home and commuted. Actually, ds said he would have liked to do that, too, but we are just a bit too far from any university to do that comfortably during the winter months.

 

So, that's our experience with homeschooled dc going to college. I think it was very beneficial for them, but "necessary"? Hmm. It is just so individual for each person, kwim?

[Michelle in AL]

I don't think they need to go away, but I do think they need adult responsibilities such as a job, bills, savings, arranging their own class schedules etc.

For ages people lived in family groups or in close proximity and functioned well. I think the change we see in society today with today's youth perhaps not maturing, is more related to delaying adolescence. This could easily be done by having a child live at home, but could also be avoided by giving them adult responsibilities while they're at home. I hope that makes sense.

[Jane in NC]

For ages people lived in family groups or in close proximity and functioned well.

 

Ah, but some of us come from pioneer and immigrant stock. My ancestors were on the move! Could my love of travel be genetic?

 

I chose to leave the region of the country in which I grew up. Some of us are just meant to try new things, meet new people, go places.

 

But on the theme of colleges, let's face it: not all colleges are equal. This is where a student needs to find what will hopefully be a good fit to accommodate his personality and help him achieve his goals. By necessity, this may remove him from his community or his comfort zone. Take someone who is interested in aerospace engineering. If his hometown college does not have aerospace, should he abandon his dream?

 

Jane

[G5052]

Not any more than public/private school kids "need" to go away to college. I think her response was frankly pretty narrow and uninformed. Underlying her comment is the assumption that homeschool kids are sheltered, and that is not a universal truth at all.

 

Unless one of ours needs a very specialized degree, ours will be commuting from home. There are very good schools in our area, and I personally think that young adults can benefit from still having a home base while pursuing their own studies. It also allows them to graduate without taking out huge loans, which is a big advantage in my mind.

 

Now where I grew up, nearly everyone went away to school because there really wasn't a good commuter option. That's a whole different situation.

[Sharon in MD]

Whether a student should go away to college depends on personality and desired course of study, maybe other factors as well.

 

It is highly beneficial for some students (homeschooled or not) to leave their home towns for new perspectives....

 

I think the biggest mistake that parents make is assuming that a particular college (maybe one in their home town or an alma mater) is the school that will work for their child.....

 

Frankly I cannot imagine my son attending a university in New York City, for example, but if Columbia or NYU had the program or mentor which he was seeking, then he should pursue the option.

 

So much goes into a college decision!

 

Jane

 

 

We found it so helpful to go and visit schools last year, while ds was still a junior. For him, the program he desires to study is driving the search more than anything else. If you have a child who has their heart set on studying something that is not widely offered, then you've got to go THE source as Jane said. While we really think we like the smaller and mid-sized LAC atmosphere better than the big state atmosphere, ds wants Materials Science Engineering and that generally means bigger schools with big research budgets or very expensive private institutions.

 

Also, I've found my own self to be prejudiced negatively and perhaps really unfairly against our local state university. DS could easily live at home and go there, but I think he'd benefit from the whole dorm life experience. My problem there is I think their dorms are really nasty....maybe I'm just being to snobby and expecting too much though.

 

I think finding the college match is much more than "should" they go away or not and how far. It's more a matter of what fits.

 

I also find myself very frustrated and annoyed with folks who think THEY know what MY kid needs. I think that there is a standing assumption "out there" that homeschooled kids are tied to their mommy's apron strings because we have good close relationships with our kids. Just because we have good relationships doesn't mean our kids are immature, sheltered, insecure....etc.

 

FWIW, ds went away for the first time this summer for longer than 1 week with people he didn't know at all. He was gone for 3 weeks, lived in a dorm and almost never called home. He had a ball, loved every minute of it. I felt so reassured that he will do just fine where ever he decides to go, regardless of how sheltered some folks might think my only child homeschooled kid is.

 

Okay....I'm climbing down off my soap box now....

 

:blush:

[Gwen in VA]

No -- I don't think that homeschooled kids "need" to go away to college.

 

BUT I do think that parents need to consider the long-term goals of their children before they shut that door completely.

 

Not all colleges are equal, so even if there is a college down the street (we live about a mile from William and Mary!), that dosn't mean that your child should go to THAT college!

 

What are your child's goals? Passions? Strengths?

 

Does he need to go to college to pursue his goals?

 

If yes, will the college down the street help him to reach those goals, or is there another school that is much more appropriate?

 

Does your child want a small school? A large school?

Does your child want a specialized program, like nursing or naval engineering?

Will the local school challenge him academically?

Does your child like the social atmosphere of the local school?

Will the school provide research or apprenticeship opportunities?

Will the school provide mentoring from professors? (At some schools the profs are expected to nurture students; at some schools the students are basically ignored outside class time).

What about extracurriculars? Does your local school have that orchestra or that organ or that pottery studio that your child really desires?

 

Since we live so close to W&M, my kids spend an amazing amount of time explaining why they do NOT go to W&M -- but for them the decision to go away to college was the right one.

 

There is NO one-size-fits-all answer to college!

[Kris]

So, I was chatting with a friend last night who moved her son into the dorms last week. He was not homeschooled but attended at private high school.

 

I was trying to sympathize and offer encouragement even though I haven't reached college with my kids yet. I did joke that that is why I'm encouraging my son to look at local schools-he can live at home and commute (we have a small guest house on our property and I was saying how he can live there while going to school) to classes.

 

She looked at me rather seriously and said, "He really *needs* to go away to school; especially since he's been homeschooled. He's been sheltered and the apron strings need to be cut!"

 

I've always been really confident in our choice to homeschool. We've been doing it since this child was in second grade and he's now in tenth. I must admit that her comments caused me to doubt just ever so slightly.

 

In your experience, do homeschooled kids *need* to go away from home for college to "cut the apron strings?" I'm thinking not but thought I would come and be talked to by people who actually have experience in sending homeschooled kids to college.;)

 

I appreciate you indulging my slight concern!:)

 

Oh the things people can say that make us doubt ourselves, eh? I initially thought the same thing as some of the others, that she is uninformed, but then I re-read your post. You says she's a friend -- so does she know your son well at all? Was her statement based on the fact that she knows him? Or just the fact that he's homeschooled?

 

I don't see any reason why homeschooled kids need to "go away to college" any more than public or private school kids do. It depends on the kid, sure, but there's a lot more involved in choosing a college and the living situation than just whether or not they've been homeschooled. Her statement doesn't make any sense to me -- and I wonder if that's not really what she was trying to say. Maybe she was trying to make some other point, and if one of my friends said something like that to me, my question to her would be, "What makes you think he's been sheltered?" ;)

[Heather in Savannah]

they can either obtain scholarships to those schools, or find ways to fund it themselves. We do not have the resources to fund "going away", just for the sake of it....once they are working, then they can go as far away as they wish....on their dime. If the degree program they have dreams to pursue is not available locally, then we are talking about a different matter. Pretty tough old bird, aren't I?? I think maturing can happen just as well at home. Just my 2 cents worth!!

[CAMom]

You says she's a friend -- so does she know your son well at all? Was her statement based on the fact that she knows him? Or just the fact that he's homeschooled?

 

 

 

No, she doesn't really know him. She's spoken to him very casually at church, on occasion, but I wouldn't say she knows him at all.

[Kris]

No, she doesn't really know him. She's spoken to him very casually at church, on occasion, but I wouldn't say she knows him at all.

 

In that case, another vote for uninformed. :D

[Osmosis Mom]

Nobody needs to go away for school. It's an American thing anyways, as far as I know, to have this expectation.

 

However, talking about shy homeschoolers then two of my kids were in a high school aged science camp this year in Boston and we all met the stereotypical, shy, not-speaking-to-anybody hs'er there. She was a lovely girl, but totally to herself. The counselors there were surprised when my dd told them she was hs'ed (and she is naturally an introvert as well). As an aside then her parents were in their own bubble, stomping ahead as if there was nobody around them and not talking to anybody....

 

But in general, then I think hs'ed kids are pretty well-rounded and open and can or cannot enjoy going away to college. The thing is in this country that most college-experiences are built around the students staying on campus, though, with lots of activities and extra-curriculars being available.

 

I would consider a far away college for a child who had a very particular interest or passion. Other than that then I tell my kids then can be in this area here for under-graduate studies. It's been a biggie enough that dd is taking a lot of responsibility for her own finances. I really don't want her growing up too quickly and getting too independent!!!!

[Plaid Dad]

Whether a student should go away to college depends on personality and desired course of study, maybe other factors as well.

 

 

At the top of the list of "other factors" I would put finances. Not all parents can or should pay for their dc to study at a residential college. And very few 18-year-olds realize how quickly student loans pile up - and how long it can take to pay them off.

[CAMom]

At the top of the list of "other factors" I would put finances. Not all parents can or should pay for their dc to study at a residential college. And very few 18-year-olds realize how quickly student loans pile up - and how long it can take to pay them off.

 

This is a big part of our decision! We're not willing to go into debt and are counseling our son against student loans that would take a lifetime to pay off.

 

At this point, our son wants to major in biology. There are several schools in our area with reputable bio departments. His current plan involves getting a master's and a doctorate. I'm not paying for his advanced degrees.;) Our thought was that he can live at home (again in our guest house) while attending a local college. During that time he can save his money so that he will be able to pay for his own advanced education.

 

BTW, I explained all this to my friend and she still persisted that he *needed* to go away.:confused:

 

All of the input here has been great! It's given me much to think about and consider! Thank you!

[Kris]

At the top of the list of "other factors" I would put finances. Not all parents can or should pay for their dc to study at a residential college. And very few 18-year-olds realize how quickly student loans pile up - and how long it can take to pay them off.

 

:iagree:

 

There's no way we could afford to send our sheltered homeschooler away to college. Guess he'll just have to stay that way. ;)

[Jane in NC]

At this point, our son wants to major in biology. There are several schools in our area with reputable bio departments. His current plan involves getting a master's and a doctorate. I'm not paying for his advanced degrees.;) Our thought was that he can live at home (again in our guest house) while attending a local college. During that time he can save his money so that he will be able to pay for his own advanced education.

 

BTW, I explained all this to my friend and she still persisted that he *needed* to go away.:confused:

 

 

 

It sounds like your son has a well thought out plan. Kids who attend a college because of its name or prestige but have no clear idea of where they are going are the ones that raise my eyebrows. Your 'friend' is clearly mistaken.

 

Jane

[Michelle in MO]

At the top of the list of "other factors" I would put finances. Not all parents can or should pay for their dc to study at a residential college. And very few 18-year-olds realize how quickly student loans pile up - and how long it can take to pay them off.

 

this is all part of the learning experience, too. Students and parents need to decide together a number of factors, including: 1) cost of the college/university; 2) available financial aid and scholarships; 3) right fit for the student; 4) campus environment; and probably many others I can't think of off the top of my head.

 

When we send our kids away to college (or, if they stay at home and attend a local college), the cost factors into their total learning experience. They are kids becoming young adults, and learning to manage limited finances is all part of the learning experience. It's not in a student's (or parents') best interests to accumulate huge amounts of debt and then graduate, facing gigantic student loans that they have to repay.

[Laurie4b]

I think apron strings ARE one thing to consider--but you and dh and ds will have a good idea as to whether that is the truth or not. Electronic apron strings of cell phones, emails, and texting mean that you can be far away and still tied to the apron strings. That goes every bit as much for kids who have attended ps as those who have attended homeschools. I think readiness to problem-solve, make decisions, get through life on their own, is one of the things that any parent should look at and evaluate as far as their maturing teen is concerned. Going away to college may or may not be a solution to that, but it is certainly a factor to consider.

 

I remember planning to come home for Labor Day weekend my freshman year in college. I had chosen a university 8 hours from home and was lectured by a youngish aunt that I should really get away from home and develop some independence and not being coming back so soon. She had attended a college about 1/2 hour from home! I was coming home for a date (not to see my parents, LOL!) I was very independent. She was making a judgment based on appearances that simply did not apply.

 

So while being homeschooled does not in and of itself mean a kid should go away to college, I think the questions "Are there ways in which my child needs to cut the apron strings? How can that best be accomplished?" are good questions to ask of any maturing teen.

[SnowWhite]

As a graduate of homeschool, I stayed home and attended community college... when I was 21, LOL. Then I got married and continued attending community college, which I paid for myself from the first (financial necessity in my family). By the time I started college I had already taught Amish school for 4 years. I believe all college decisions should be focused on a career goal, not "cutting apron strings". IMO there is too much money wasted on cutting apron strings in this country. It leads to needless debt, IMO.

[JenParrish]

So, I was chatting with a friend last night who moved her son into the dorms last week. He was not homeschooled but attended at private high school.

 

She looked at me rather seriously and said, "He really *needs* to go away to school; especially since he's been homeschooled. He's been sheltered and the apron strings need to be cut!"

 

 

 

 

Was she kidding?!? Geese. I think that people who try to get us to push our kids away are secretly jealous of the relationships we have with our children.

 

I am sure she thought that your kid should have been in the public school system too.

 

I do not think our kids need to "go away". Sounds like she need to, lol.

[Kanga]

It sounds like your friend wants you to validate her decision by following in her steps. I was amazed at how many people had an opinion on where my dd should go to college, most felt that my dd should either do what they did or what their children did. I had one particularly trying discussion with a fellow hser who berated me for "allowing" my dd to go to a local public university and stated that she thought my dd should go to a small private college on the other side of the country. She did not consider my dd's major, outside interests, disposition, or desire to graduate debtfree. I tried to be polite while explaining my dd's decision, but my dd could sense my annoyance. When we were driving home she said, "Today I realized that you don't have enemies, just acquaintances that you try to avoid."

[8filltheheart]

I have not read all the other responses, so perhaps someone has already stated this thought.

 

Your friend's perspective may or may not be a valid point.

 

Our oldest ds was more than ready to be independent in 11th grade. Living at home or being off at school would actually not have mattered one way or the other in his emotional development b/c he was already there. Thankfully, from my POV, he is away at school b/c he is happier living on his own. ;)

 

Our current 11th grader leans on us like a crutch even though both legs are healthy. He is going to be sent off to college outside of our home whether he wishes to reside at home or not. He is incredibly lazy about self-preservation type skills. I think he needs to move out and grow in his self-sufficiency.

 

Our next 2 in line.....they are more like our oldest. I can see that they will probably want to move out, but maturity-wise, it won't change fundamentally how they cope.

 

I have no idea if that makes any sense. From my "insider's" perspective, it does. :)

[Missouri Mama]

In my opinion going away to college is a choice, not a need. Our goal has been to train our kids to act like adults well before they get to college, that is to be capable of making their own decisions, run a household, budget/pay their own bills, etc. Though we protected our children when they were young, our goal has been to release our children into knowledge/responsibilities incrementally & to teach them to think critically & to innoculate them against the bad mores/standards of our present culture. We have 2 dd in college. One is just starting her freshman yr as a commuter, the other is a jr & fairing well. She chose to live off campus throughout her college yrs (and yes, we had advised it). She is grateful for that choice. She has seen many a student fall prey to the party atmosphere of dorm life. I don't mean to imply that that is the future of all students that go away to school & live in dorms, but only to say that going away to school does not guarantee success because the apron strings have been cut. Our adult children are not dependent on us just because they are close in proximity or because they value our counsel. We have graduated them gradually into a mature lifestyle. We expect for them to simply continue what we've begun.

[mcconnellboys]

Nah, plenty of kids stay home while doing college and don't "cut the apron strings". My husband lived at home until he was 26 while he attended college. He only moved out when his parents finally made him, about a year before we married.

 

I'm not sure why we have this urge to be separate and apart in our society, instead of honoring extended family relations over the generations.

[Quiver0f10]

No way. My oldest 2 have graduated and both chose local schools and have commuted. My oldest is shy and decided she didn't like the college life, but my 18 yo, who is outgoing, loves it and is thriving so far. Both were glad to live at home and be a part of our family, plus keep their jobs, attend church here and still attend school.

[cathmom]

I always was very much in favor of living at home and commuting to college (which is what I did). Our area has many colleges within an hour's drive. But as my son approached college age, I did an about face. With having to have a car to commute, the cost of gas, insurance, car repairs, etc, I think that commuting might actually be more expensive than living in the dorm, plus it eats up time. Also, with our family's situation and dynamics and my son's 100% extravert personality, I thought it would be much better for him to live on campus. Thankfully, he got a full scholarship that covered room and board, so it was possible.

 

I had a friend once who also believed that everyone "needed" to experience college life by living on campus. I could never understand why. Somehow I have managed to have a fulfilling life without ever having gone away to college.

[Jan P.]

Not at all!!!!

 

My ds is thriving at the local university only seven miles from our home. He goes to an offshoot of the main university which is located in the capitol of our state. The classes are much smaller, and (gasp!) they have teachers who "love to teach"! In fact my ds's history professor is dieing of some rare lung disorder, but he loves teaching so much that he is there in person teaching my ds's class. I disagree about the "apron strings" needed to be untied. My ds is away from home more than being here at home. He goes to classes all day and then works at night. He is not in debt up to his eyeballs with student loans. It has been a "win/win" situation here.

 

HTH,

Jan

[SnowWhite]

but my 1 yo, who is outgoing, loves it and is thriving so far.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

I love this kind of typo. Your 1 yo is in college, LOL.:lol::lol::lol::lol::auto:

[Quiver0f10]

:lol::lol:

 

I love this kind of typo. Your 1 yo is in college, LOL.:lol::lol::lol::lol::auto:

 

 

He is a prodigy ;)

[FloridaLisa]

Plaid Dad Hive Mind Queen Bee

 

Y'all have probably been talking about this for weeks on the Gen. Board. But I'm out of the loop and rarely get over there. :001_smile: I suppose gender neutral terms weren't considered!

 

Lisa

[HRAAB]

My older two have managed to 'cut the apron strings' and become independent without going away to college; they attend the local state university. Of course, I have encouraged the cutting of the apron strings.

 

Janet

[Pamela H in Texas]

I haven't read the other responses yet, but no, I don't think they NEED to go off to college. I think she probably just has some bias against homeschooling, probably some misinformation such as about sheltering. She probably also really BELIEVES in going off to college much like she believed in sending her child to school. That will definitely skew her views in that direction.

 

As for us? My daughter is going locally for now, but is actually considering an online college for her degree program. Whichever is fine with us. I don't WANT her going off to school for various reasons. It will, of course, be her choice in the end though. I don't think I have much to worry about though in her case. First, she understands our reasoning and second, her personality. Her other main choice is a big state college in commuting distance. That so doesn't seem to fit her personality, but it does fulfill her need regarding her degree. So she'll have to make choices with everything in mind.

 

Anyway, I think it's cool that you have a guest house your ds can use. We've considered letting my daughter use the room connected to her own as part of an "apartment" of sorts (so she'd have two rooms and a bathroom). She could have whatever set up she wanted. One family I heard of bought one of those temporary buildings, an office type, for a small studio apartment for their young adult child. Of course, most young adults I know just live with their parents in their own rooms just like they did as kids just with greater freedom, I suppose, at least.

 

Anyway, sorry to ramble,

[Pamela H in Texas]

Our oldest ds was more than ready to be independent in 11th grade. Living at home or being off at school would actually not have mattered one way or the other in his emotional development b/c he was already there.

 

This is how my daughter is. I have things as loose as I can with her and am constantly making it more so because I can and she can.

 

For example, it's my job to make sure she's educated so I do believe I need to know what she's doing, so her "inside" classes have a basic outline ("finish this book this school year" or "finish 2 sections of this book per week") and she just marks it off on her white board so I can see that she's done the work. Of course, things come up in conversation or whatever also and there are some assignments that are more interactive, but the general work is just her responsibility. Her outside classes are COMPLETELY her business and I will simply get the grade report at the end of the semester.

 

The other day she asked me if she could do some volunteer work on Thursday. I told her she didn't have to ask me; as long as her work is done well or she has a plan for getting it done, I don't care when she goes and does additional volunteer work.

 

To me, we're co-living and I'm here to be a more hands-on parent when the need arises. But this child doesn't need to be "managed" at this time. I don't foresee it being an issue with her either.

 

Now my son? I SO cannot see him being anywhere close to where she is by the time he's 15 or 16. We'll work on it and get him as close as possible, but I just REALLY can't see it. Because of this, though, I really see myself having to WORK not to MICRO-manage him and this will probably be something I need to continuously work hard on.

 

Kids are SO different :)

[Ellie]

I'm sure your friend is a very nice woman (otherwise she wouldn't be your friend, lol), but she's pretty clueless on this. If she had a clue, she'd have homeschooled.

 

I think going away to college can be a good learning experience, but a necessity? No, not at all.

 

I know a heckalotta people IRL who went away to college and are still inept as adults; don't you know some? I rest my case.:D

[Laurie4b]

 

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,405786,00.htmlYou probably already know this, but just in case, I thought I'd post this recent article.

[Staci in MO]

One of the most grounded and secure homeschool graduates I know lived at home through college. She even lived at home for the first couple of years after college while she worked.

 

Now she is established in her chosen career. She lives across the country from her parents and travels extensively for her work. It is my prayer, by the grace of God, that my dc become the kind of adult that she has. Even the most vocal of those against homeschooling would not be able to look at this person and say that homeschooling produces social misfits.

 

I realize that's only one example, but the older I get the more I realize that there is no one-size-fits-all formula when it comes to parenting. I know a lot of public-schooled kids who couldn't cut being on their own at college.

[Kris in Wis]

Regardless of where they went to school, many children are either peer or parent dependent and probably "need" to start fresh away from home. Others may not need the experience, but can benefit from it nonetheless. Still others may not plan on college at all, and that is their decision.

 

The child's goals and aspirations are a consideration, as well as his or her maturity level. Financial concerns also should influence college choice.

 

I lived at home during my college years and commuted to a state university about 30 miles away. Saved me a lot of money (this was back when gas was "cheap.") I had a part-time job in the town I lived in which I did not want to give up, so commuting was the best option for me at that time.

 

Both my children have chosen private Christian colleges which happen to be out of state. The oldest will be a junior, and he has grown considerably while away, becoming more self-sufficient and independent.

 

Dd just began her college career. While she is homesick right now for family and old friends, she has already made many new ones and is bubbling over with excitement at all the neat opportunities she has at college!

 

It was hard to leave her, as we are very close, but as outgoing and social as she is, I can see it will have a positive effect on her. Also, we all concurred that she needed to expand her horizons a bit. She truly wanted to go.

 

I wouldn't let peer pressure influence your or your child's decision about where to go to college, or even if (s)he should go. That is a very personal, family decision, and each family does what is best for them.

 

Good luck in whatever you choose!

[Pamela H in Texas]

If she had a clue, she'd have homeschooled.

 

I tried to rep you for making me LOL but it wouldn't let me (I've repped you too recently, I guess). Anyway, how funny :)

[Pamela H in Texas]

Killen, 59, is upset and frustrated — but still feels she received a good education.

 

She says her online classes seemed comparable to curricula at other schools, but faults the school for not informing her they were not accredited.

 

Though I think schools have responsibilities towards students, I do think students have a responsibility toward THEMSELVES also. Seriously, there is no big hidden secret that some "schools" are just scams. A responsible student should make their FIRST research assignment be researching schools, accreditation, and the like. It's not like you decide one day to go to school, pick the first online school that comes up on a google search, and start the next month....at least it SHOULDN"T be that way! But people need to look out for themselves MORE than expect others to do it FOR them.

 

JMO of course. I'm sorry people are being duped. I just wish they would take more responsibility for it.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Off my school's website:

 

Should I care about accreditation?

Yes. Accreditation by a regional commission that's recognized by the U.S. Department of Education is important. It's your proof that outside evaluators have carefully reviewed an institution's programs and policies. Many businesses, school districts, and other organizations prefer to hire graduates of programs that are regionally accredited. Regional accreditation also allows students to transfer more easily to other universities.