How hard is it to homeschool dyslexia?

[displace]

Hello again!  Per the neuropsych's definition of dyslexia being not able to read at the level of expectation and IQ, it's likely we'll get a dyslexia diagnosis.  We're doing a few tests in a few days to iron out some details for her. 

 

I'm at the level in my understanding of all this that we'll likely be HSing (yeah!?), assuming I get at least DH on board.

 

I do not want my emotions to cloud expectations on what's likely to come in the future.  I think in my mind HSing would help solve a lot of stress and problems we have, but I think I need to get some realities in place.

 

A few have mentioned on the boards that it is difficult and hard (I assume vs a neurotypical child?), and even the NP said no choice was going to be easy for remediation.  But can you give me an idea of what to expect as far as difficulty?  I guess a lot depends too on types of dyslexia, severity, tutors and programs used, etc. 

 

I do expect HSing to be a full time job, so I know a lot of my "free time" will be gone.  But I spend all day while he's in school researching so it's not like my days are all free anyways.  And I'd certainly rather use my time going over first grade curriculum or trying to be fun and creative with schooling instead of looking at the processes of IEPs, accommodations, wrightslaw, etc.  Not that the information isn't or won't be useful, but I'm just not wanting to be there. 

 

I'm also assuming that there is a certain point where reading and comprehension click and maybe teaching gets easier?  I'm going to start a second thread on that as the NP's statement of remediation for a couple semesters seems... unlikely. 

 

THANK YOU TO THE HIVE for all your helpful experiences and willingness to share. 

[EKS]

Hello again!  Per the neuropsych's definition of dyslexia being not able to read at the level of expectation and IQ, it's likely we'll get a dyslexia diagnosis.  

 

Hopefully, the NP has a better understanding of dyslexia than this.  Reading is just the tip of the iceberg and usually the first thing to be remediated.  The problems related to dyslexia are pervasive, meaning they will crop up practically everywhere in your homeschool.  You will probably see challenges with:

• Spelling
• Handwriting
• Composition (this is usually the last thing to be remediated)
• Grammar and punctuation
• Math facts
• Math operations
• Remembering what you just told them (working memory)
• Fluency (processing speed--things can take much much longer to do)
• Foreign language acquisition
• Note taking

I have two sons, one with dyslexia and one without.  They both have about the same intelligence level.  Homeschooling the one with dyslexia took an incredible amount of energy (from both teacher and student).  Homeschooling the other one is incredibly easy.

 

But just because something is difficult doesn't make it something to be avoided--the most satisfying thing I've done in my life so far has been homeschooling my dyslexic son.  

[Heathermomster]

I hired a tutor to work with DS and accommodated across all subjects. For me, teaching composition has been the most challenging.  DS is actually fun to work with.  

[OneStepAtATime]

I guess I need to understand what you mean by easy.  

 

As you will see in my response on the other thread you started I think homeschooling is probably more effective for helping a dyslexic child.  But I would not call it easy.  It takes patience, dedication and hard work on everyone's part.  

 

Was it easier for us once I started homeschooling?  In many ways yes.  We have more time to devote to not only remediation but things that the kids care about, things that we had to put aside over and over when they were in brick and mortar because of the lack of time.  We also all have more energy in many ways.  The kids are making progress and we have family time again.  I am grateful we took this path and that we were even open to the possibility.

 

But I have very little down time and there is no one to turn it over to when I am having a bad day (or the kids are having a bad day).  I have never found anyone in our area that really has a clue about any of this, including the professionals.  

 

And when they struggle (and yes, this is one of those ebb and flow things so some days will go great and other days you will think they've lost everything you've been working towards) you may blame yourself and wonder what you were thinking to take this on in the first place.  

 

Also, there is no one perfect set of materials that will miraculously cure all issues.  It just doesn't work like that.  There will be days when the kids will unexpectedly glitch on something and we will try and try to get through it and things just aren't clicking.  Eventually, we find a way through, around or over whatever it is, but it can be exhausting and depressing.

 

On the flip side of that coin, though, I know that no one else is going to work harder to help the kids than I am so when we hit snags I step back, do a bit more research, try different approaches until we start making progress again.  Doesn't mean that we won't try for some outside help further down the road if we run into trouble again (if I can ever find anyone that truly has a clue down here).  It does mean that I know from past experience that while homeschooling isn't perfect, it is a darn site better for us than what we were doing before.

 

Best wishes....

[merry gardens]

It depends on the day and the lesson. The level of difficulty ranges from 1-5.

 

I'm convinced (most days) that homeschooling has been best for my dyslexic son. We've remediated his reading with an Orton-Gillingham based program, Barton Reading and Spelling.  The lessons go at his pace and we work towards mastery. He now reads above grade level.  It took a lot of hard work to get him there which I'd rank overall at about a 4. I'd say given what I've learned about dyslexia that his dyslexia started in the "severe" category. He was basically not reading much at all in what should have been third grade and he needed a program like LiPS before he could even start Barton.  This year in eighth grade, he's reading the Iliad by Homer and loving it. I doubt that he'd be reading at that level if we hadn't homeschooled.

 

That's reading.  Now there's spelling, which I'd rank as 5--especially when I try to hold his spelling up to grade level standards! Writing is also difficult for him.  How easy or hard it is to homeschool in those areas depends on what I, the teacher, expect him to accomplish. But because we homeschool, I can adjust the lessons to where he is without needing to fill out an IEP with half a dozen other people.  In that sense, homeschooling is much easier.

 

One of hardest part of homeschooling a struggling learner, I think is keeping expectations reasonable.  If my child isn't doing well, is it because of my teaching methods or because of his underlying problems? If I lower the expectations, am I asking too little of him or was I asking too much of him earlier?  There's a lot of mommy-guilt no matter what I do.

 

My 15 yo son with APD attends a private brick & mortar high school now, after homeschooling through 8th grade.  Helping him through that school is hard too.  Again, I'd rank it from 1-5, depending on the day.  Frankly, when one is the parent of a child with a learning disability, any educational choice is difficult on some days.

[OneStepAtATime]

It depends on the day and the lesson. The level of difficulty ranges from 1-5.

 

I'm convinced (most days) that homeschooling has been best for my dyslexic son. We've remediated his reading with an Orton-Gillingham based program, Barton Reading and Spelling.  The lessons go at his pace and we work towards mastery. He now reads above grade level.  It took a lot of hard work to get him there which I'd rank overall at about a 4. I'd say given what I've learned about dyslexia that his dyslexia started in the "severe" category. He was basically not reading much at all in what should have been third grade and he needed a program like LiPS before he could even start Barton.  This year in eighth grade, he's reading the Iliad by Homer and loving it. I doubt that he'd be reading at that level if we hadn't homeschooled.

 

That's reading.  Now there's spelling, which I'd rank as 5--especially when I try to hold his spelling up to grade level standards! Writing is also difficult for him.  How easy or hard it is to homeschool in those areas depends on what I, the teacher, expect him to accomplish. But because we homeschool, I can adjust the lessons to where he is without needing to fill out an IEP with half a dozen other people.  In that sense, homeschooling is much easier.

 

One of hardest part of homeschooling a struggling learner, I think is keeping expectations reasonable.  If my child isn't doing well, is it because of my teaching methods or because of his underlying problems? If I lower the expectations, am I asking too little of him or was I asking too much of him earlier?  There's a lot of mommy-guilt no matter what I do.

 

My 15 yo son with APD attends a brick & mortar high school now, after homeschooling through 8th grade.  That's hard too.  Again, I'd rank it from 1-5, depending on the day.  Frankly, when one is the parent of a child with a learning disability, any educational choice is difficult on some days.

:iagree:

[OneStepAtATime]

FWIW, I thought I would add something.  Although we have had some difficulty finding friends for my son (most of the HSers in our area are homeschooling middle school/high school or the really early grade levels), DD has flourished.  

 

She has joined 2 different student councils (two different homeschooling organizations that she had friends in so she wanted to do both) so she gets to do lots of community service and other projects plus learn about government and they have a social gathering at least once a month or more; she is also doing photography, art lessons with a professional artist, 4-H club, Drama club, co-op classes in areas she has an interest, writing a book, going on field trips, having hang out/shopping dates with buddies, piano lessons she does herself off the internet, lots of activities with her youth group from church, etc.

 

In other words, she has ample opportunity for socialization and now finally has the time to pursue areas of interest to her, and pursue them in depth along with remediation work and content studies.  Homeschooling, for her, has been a far, far easier and healthier option than brick and mortar.  In that respect I give homeschooling a 1 for DD.

 

Edited to correct the number choice.  Socialization and outside interest pursuit is definitely a 1.  Everything else varies from day to day....

[displace]

Gosh I'm glad I asked this.  Seeing all these 4's and 5's makes me really pause and consider this in depth.  I'm glad to think of these things ahead of time. 

[displace]

Hopefully, the NP has a better understanding of dyslexia than this.  Reading is just the tip of the iceberg and usually the first thing to be remediated.  The problems related to dyslexia are pervasive, meaning they will crop up practically everywhere in your homeschool.  You will probably see challenges with:

• Spelling
• Handwriting
• Composition (this is usually the last thing to be remediated)
• Grammar and punctuation
• Math facts
• Math operations
• Remembering what you just told them (working memory)
• Fluency (processing speed--things can take much much longer to do)
• Foreign language acquisition
• Note taking

I have two sons, one with dyslexia and one without.  They both have about the same intelligence level.  Homeschooling the one with dyslexia took an incredible amount of energy (from both teacher and student).  Homeschooling the other one is incredibly easy.

 

But just because something is difficult doesn't make it something to be avoided--the most satisfying thing I've done in my life so far has been homeschooling my dyslexic son.  

 

I think her answer was in respect to my observation that I said to her I thought dyslexia was primarily phonologically based difficulty and when DS learns the rules of the phonics, he can read.  He has other reading problems (skipping small words, changing words, substituting, etc) but I assumed the phonics problems = dyslexia idea from the last psychologist.  The NP suggested that any thing that can cause a difficulty in reading at expected level = dyslexia.  I have read about the other things you mentioned briefly.  I really have done limited research on dyslexia as I was more concerned of his handwriting (as yet to be diagnosed dysgraphia). 

 

Thanks for your advice. 

[displace]

I hired a tutor to work with DS and accommodated across all subjects. For me, teaching composition has been the most challenging.  DS is actually fun to work with.  

 

I am considering this to help ease into HSing.  Or maybe something easy to use or become a tutor myself?  We use AAR and it's been working, but I'm wondering if it will be enough long term.

[Crimson Wife]

I don't actually know whether my little one has dyslexia. She has a speech & language delay and has difficulty with phonemic discrimination. She also struggles with discriminating visually between b vs. d, p vs. q vs. g, n vs. u, M vs. W, etc. So it would not surprise me if she did wind up with a dyslexia diagnosis.

 

Teaching my older kids to read was very easy once they were developmentally ready. Teaching my little one has not been easy and we're only a few months into it. She is making progress but it is S-L-O-W. I'm hoping to get trained next year for Lindamood-Bell and some sort of O-G reading (Slingerland is offered in my area but I might visit my folks and do Wilson training there). Both to help my DD and also because I'm looking to become an educational therapist.

 

Right now I'm not in a position to HS my youngest in addition to my older two. When my oldest either goes to high school or does early college I'll reconsider the decision. But I'm likely to try hiring an attorney to pursue private school placement first.

[OneStepAtATime]

Gosh I'm glad I asked this.  Seeing all these 4's and 5's makes me really pause and consider this in depth.  I'm glad to think of these things ahead of time. 

Again, it depends on your definition of easy.  You have had to spend a lot of time after school trying to help your child.  And having to work on the school's time table and your child is being forced to use school material that might not be the best fit for his needs.  Homeschooling would change that.

 

For instance, DS10 (dyslexic/dysgraphic) loved history.  However, when he was at school he had to use what amounted to extremely dry, poorly put together, really boring and frequently inaccurate material that confused him and left him hating a lot of what he was learning.  

 

Now that he is home he is doing an in depth study of Erwin Rommel and with my help is reading The Rommel Papers, which is more like a college level book.  He is also studying WWI and WWII in general as well as doing a long term study of Ancient History.  

 

He loves it.  He thrives on these things and he was the one who chose these studies.  Teaching him history is like eating icing in many ways.  SOOOOO easy.  My biggest issue is providing enough material at a high enough level while still providing the scaffolding he needs in his deficit areas.  

 

I have actually been talking with a retired High School IB History teacher about the possibility of tutoring him since I am having a bit of trouble keeping up with his interest and ability to learn in this subject.  Not a bad place to be, IMHO.   :)  But if he were still in school, his passion for history might have died completely since they could not provide him with the advanced material he craves while still providing the scaffolding he needed for reading/writing.

 

Oh, and I edited my number choice in my post upthread.  Sorry.  I got confused.  Some areas are a 1, by far.  Other areas are anywhere from a 2 to a 5.  It depends on the day, the season, the subject and the child.  But if I were comparing our overall experience with homeschooling vs. regular school and if I also take into account our success rate then I would give homeschooling a 2 and brick and mortar a 50.  That is just our situation, however.  I know that others are in areas that have great school districts, schools that are really good at helping.

[Lecka]

I will answer not for homeschooling, but for reading remediation.  

 

It is hard in a way.  In another way, it is just plugging along.  

 

It is not like it is too hard to do, but it is also not like it is having a fun time together making cookies.  

 

I would say -- go for it.  If you could also pay for him to have a tutor and get homework from the tutor ---- I think that has many advantages, and that is what I would have really liked to do if I could have found a good tutor in our area etc.  But there are not even any tutors in our area that I could find, so it was always going to be something I did.  

 

I know someone who used Barton but paid another person to watch the DVDs and tutor her child.  It worked out well.  The other person was using Barton for the first time and did great with it.  She also could not find a tutor, but she really did not have the time to do it herself.  

 

I really feel like my son's school is a good one for him, and they are very willing to think he is a great kid and want to help him.  That does not mean I think they would teach him to read.  Now that he is reading on grade level -- all the other things go well.  All the additional things for him, are small compared to being in class and not knowing what is going on in reading.  

[Incognito]

nm

 

[Tokyomarie]

I answered that it varies. It depends on the subject, it depends on the day, it depends on whatever else is going on in life, it depends on the child's basic personality, etc., etc., etc.

 

It also depends on the specific combination of weaknesses that a child exhibits, and the depth of those difficulties. One child with dyslexia or one child with autism isn't going to look exactly like the next child with the same diagnosis. I have two children who are extremely bright but have experienced learning difficulties. One eventually got the formal dyslexia diagnosis, the other didn't. The one who didn't initially got a receptive/expressive language disorder diagnosis. She is an adult now and did very, very well in college. Looking back, and knowing what I now know about dyslexia, I believe dyslexia is a name that describes her basic underlying processing style. While there are certainly common threads in the stories of these two children's educational development, there are also major differences. Therefore, the specific difficulties I had with teaching them were somewhat different.

 

When my children were young, it was loads of fun teaching them history and science at home. Doing hands on, reading aloud to them from DK and Usborne books as well as other books, watching videos on the topic, etc. were hands-down my favorite part of homeschooling my children with dyslexia.

 

Managing the basic skills was more challenging. My daughter was actually easier to teach than my son. When my son was young, his working memory and dysgraphia (fine motor skills & retrieval skills for letter formation) impeded our progress. It was just downright frustrating most of the time.

 

Something that is important to consider is how you will manage the working relationship for schooling your child. How will you manage your own frustration? What skills do you have for helping your child manage frustration and discouragement? Do you have the skills for keeping the interaction positive and focused in the face of difficulty? If not, how will you learn those skills? As a parent who wants to see your child make solid educational progress and who has already been researching options to make that happen, you appear to have the dedication to making homeschooling work. But it is good to reflect on how to keep the parent/child interaction going in a positive, healthy direction even when schooling is challenging.

 

 

[displace]

 

 

Something that is important to consider is how you will manage the working relationship for schooling your child. How will you manage your own frustration? What skills do you have for helping your child manage frustration and discouragement? Do you have the skills for keeping the interaction positive and focused in the face of difficulty? If not, how will you learn those skills? As a parent who wants to see your child make solid educational progress and who has already been researching options to make that happen, you appear to have the dedication to making homeschooling work. But it is good to reflect on how to keep the parent/child interaction going in a positive, healthy direction even when schooling is challenging.

 

Lots of good points.  For what's in quotes, that's difficult.  I mean, even when things are frustrating I try to say he can do it, it's just a matter of trying, giving examples of working hard.  I think it would be helpful as I am doing more research on HSing in general and also dyslexia.  Also parenting resources?  I'm not sure. 

 

I know that the majority of our frustration is because DS is tired after school, doesn't want to do a lot more homework when we get home, there is little physical activity because of the schedules, etc.  The whole situation is failing.  On the weekends things are more relaxed, we have the day to work on things, but at the same time I don't keep a tough schedule on the weekends because it's after schooling and I'd like to relax and let DS relax some too.  But the frustration levels are much lessened.  He has told me doing homework with me is "easier" because I read things aloud instead of just handing him a sheet to fill out.  I fill out the answers, I explain things as we're working.  And translated to a HSing day I can envision it as long as I had a good schedule with him.  I think if things weren't progressing well I would seek a reading/writing tutor. 

[displace]

Again, it depends on your definition of easy.  You have had to spend a lot of time after school trying to help your child.  And having to work on the school's time table and your child is being forced to use school material that might not be the best fit for his needs.  Homeschooling would change that.

 

For instance, DS10 (dyslexic/dysgraphic) loved history.  However, when he was at school he had to use what amounted to extremely dry, poorly put together, really boring and frequently inaccurate material that confused him and left him hating a lot of what he was learning.  

 

Now that he is home he is doing an in depth study of Erwin Rommel and with my help is reading The Rommel Papers, which is more like a college level book.  He is also studying WWI and WWII in general as well as doing a long term study of Ancient History.  

 

He loves it.  He thrives on these things and he was the one who chose these studies.  Teaching him history is like eating icing in many ways.  SOOOOO easy.  My biggest issue is providing enough material at a high enough level while still providing the scaffolding he needs in his deficit areas.  

 

I have actually been talking with a retired High School IB History teacher about the possibility of tutoring him since I am having a bit of trouble keeping up with his interest and ability to learn in this subject.  Not a bad place to be, IMHO.   :)  But if he were still in school, his passion for history might have died completely since they could not provide him with the advanced material he craves while still providing the scaffolding he needed for reading/writing.

 

Oh, and I edited my number choice in my post upthread.  Sorry.  I got confused.  Some areas are a 1, by far.  Other areas are anywhere from a 2 to a 5.  It depends on the day, the season, the subject and the child.  But if I were comparing our overall experience with homeschooling vs. regular school and if I also take into account our success rate then I would give homeschooling a 2 and brick and mortar a 50.  That is just our situation, however.  I know that others are in areas that have great school districts, schools that are really good at helping.

 

I loved my IB history teacher.  I basically just read through our text and enjoyed all those discussions.  I think that would be a great resource for your family! 

 

But your numbering system was pretty funny, with B&M a 50.  I'm not sure I'm at a 50 (but I haven't had to try to have an IEP meeting or anything yet).  But I'm probably a solid 10 or so, so if that decreases to 5 that would be an improvement. 

 

And I'm excited to give some real meaty science as he loves it.  He's also really taken to SOTW even though we just listen to it, so that I would want to give him support in learning about that if he wanted.

 

[displace]

 

One of hardest part of homeschooling a struggling learner, I think is keeping expectations reasonable.  If my child isn't doing well, is it because of my teaching methods or because of his underlying problems? If I lower the expectations, am I asking too little of him or was I asking too much of him earlier?  There's a lot of mommy-guilt no matter what I do.

 

 

 

I think this would be a difficult balance for me to be objective with.  I think I'd be more comfortable in making sure there was an objective measure of progress, whatever that might mean for us, in likely all subjects. 

[Erin]

I said varied because that has indeed been my experience.  The kid I'm homeschooling as a freshman is nothing like the kid I home schooled in the third grade.  (Though of course that's true of ANY child.   ;) )

 

In third grade, he was reading two grades below level.  As a freshman, he's reading comfortably at grade level!  

HOWEVER, that's because he's bright enough he's figured out how to read for context.  He can really pull a lot of meaning out of a passage of text, but reading a single sentence set of directions will blow his mind.  Not enough context.  And, when he reads aloud, it's fairly obvious how much he's actually skipping over and just gleaning the big picture.  

I'm glad he's gotten to this point (though frustrated because the short sentences really hang him up in tests and such), but it took a LOT of work to get here.

 

Writing--

He writes fairly well, actually.  He organizes his thoughts well and he can tell a good story.  He even understands grammar, parts of speech, etc. but that's only after you come back for revision.  That rough draft is REALLY rough.  lol  

"What does every sentence begin with, Son?!?  Yes, a capital letter."   :rolleyes:

 

Working memory/executive function--

Is it the dyslexia?  Is it ADD?  Beats me, but it really handicaps him.  We have tools everywhere; alarms on his iPod, checklists on the door, etc.   He still forgets things, spaces assignments, zones out and loses stuff.

 

Weird stuff--

He can't remember his math facts.  Seriously.  

The kid is doing Algebra 2 but he can't pull 6x7 out of his head.  

 

 

We've used a lot of videos over the years, as well as audio-books.  I've had him read a lot, too.  Not as much as most bright kids his age, to be sure, but still enough to really stretch him.  

I won't say homeschooling a dyslexic kid is easy in the slightest, but it is probably the best approach for the kid!

 

[OneStepAtATime]

I loved my IB history teacher.  I basically just read through our text and enjoyed all those discussions.  I think that would be a great resource for your family! 

 

But your numbering system was pretty funny, with B&M a 50.  I'm not sure I'm at a 50 (but I haven't had to try to have an IEP meeting or anything yet).  But I'm probably a solid 10 or so, so if that decreases to 5 that would be an improvement. 

 

And I'm excited to give some real meaty science as he loves it.  He's also really taken to SOTW even though we just listen to it, so that I would want to give him support in learning about that if he wanted.

 

Sorry, 50 was being overly pessimistic.  I'm grumpy today.  :)  Honestly, the kids both had some great teachers and certain subjects were handled well.  If they had not had the (at the time) undiagnosed learning issues I think they would have done well in school (despite the fact that there were 3 teachers I could cheerfully have traded in for another model).  DS would definitely do well in a classroom.  He loved being in class.  He lived to go to school.  DD, not so much.  She really is someone who does much better in a homeschool environment.  Still, she had friends, she liked several teachers, and with help from home she was maintaining pretty good grades over all.

 

But they both did have undiagnosed issues and the school system here is TERRIBLE at helping kids with learning challenges.  Seriously.  I was told to sue the school by the evaluator to make the local ISD follow state guidelines.  And my nephew, who is very bright and also dyslexic when through the ps system here and graduated high school barely able to read and write.  He had an IEP and it did nothing to help him.  

 

As for my own kids, especially DD, I spent hours and hours and hours every single week, especially once DD hit 3rd grade, reteaching every blessed thing at home.  I literally would buy every single textbook and any support material I could so that we had it all on hand for whatever came up.  And despite all the hours and all the teachers and all the tutors, she still struggled and was still falling behind.  

 

 Poor DD burned out.  She ended up being severely depressed.  She had to go to private counseling.  She stopped participating in many things that had once mattered to her, primarily from lack of time but also from lack of mental energy.

 

 We should have pulled her out much, much sooner.  If I had known about homeschooling, I would have.  Nothing against the teachers.  They didn't know how to look for learning challenges and they had never heard of a child with dyslexia that could still maintain A's and B's.  They all insisted she was just a bit unfocused but there was no learning issue.  When I think of all those wasted hours, all the effort we were putting in using material that was a terrible fit I could cry.  If we had pulled her in 2nd, started Barton back then, gone way back to basics in math, she might never have truly fallen behind or had her confidence so utterly undermined.  And she is doing well as a homeschooler.  She is so much happier now.  Happier than I have seen her since she started 4k.  And a FAR more enthusiastic learner.

 

DS is another matter.  If he had had a better 2nd grade teacher, I think we could have gotten scaffolding in place and he might have been able to remain in school.  He is an incredibly fast learner and he used to thrive in a classroom setting.  But his 2nd grade teacher was so awful to him (belittling him for writing slowly; cutting him down for struggling to decode, etc.) that she undermined his confidence completely and turned him from a happy go lucky, enthusiastic learner to a bitter insecure little person.  My guy that loved school started having nightmares, his hands would shake when he picked up a pencil, he started thinking he was stupid, he would panic when it came time to go to school, etc.  

 

She did such a number on him that we are still dealing with the aftermath nearly 3 years out.  Homeschooling DS, in many ways, has been quite a challenge because of all the emotional baggage.  And he needs lots of people and tons of discussion and debate, something a bit challenging to provide at home with just the three of us.  Honestly, I think he would do better in a college classroom than as a homeschooler.  Gotta get him to that point, though.

 

Anyway, I'm rambling.  Sorry.  Long day.  I admire you trying so hard to research and try to do the right thing by your child.  Best wishes to you both.

[Storygirl]

I could echo much of what others have said. Although DD9 is as of yet undiagnosed, I'm convinced she is dyslexic, and I find myself nodding along with everyone else's posts. We have always homeschooled, so I can't compare experiences, but we are strongly considering enrolling in school next fall, and I'm worried about how DD9 and DS10 (who is not dyslexic but has other LDs) will fare. To be honest, we are enrolling because homeschooling is very hard on me. I'm not going to sugarcoat it -- homeschooling is hard, even without special needs to consider. But if you are committed and informed and have support from your family and hopefully a homeschooling community, you can do it. And it may be the very best choice for your child and family, even if it is a hard road. You will only really know whether it works for your family by giving it a try.

 

I just want to reiterate that remediating the reading may just be the tip of the iceberg. DD9 can now read on the third grade level, due to reading in context (exactly like PP Erin's son, who sounds so like DD9). But her spelling is atrocious, and she cannot memorize math facts or other factual information. I fear that when she goes to school she will get poor grades even though she is extremely bright. We're going to be very cautious, and we're going to ask the school to evaluate her for an IEP or 504 to try to keep her afloat.

 

When you begin homeschooling, will your son be the only child at home with you? Frankly, that would make it easier (I have four, and I have a hard time meeting all their needs, since there is only one me). It's likely to be harder than you expect and in ways that you didn't anticipate, but hopefully it will be rewarding in the end.

[Erin]

But her spelling is atrocious

*chuckle*

On Buck's Stanford test this spring, he scored in the 7th percentile.  SEVENTH!  

 

"You mean if you put me in a room with 100 8th graders I can spell better than 6 of them?!?!    Alright!!  *fist pump*  I'm not the worst!!"

 

That's good, Son.  Set the bar high.  lol

[Ivey]

Homeschooling my dyslexic son has been one of the hardest and most rewarding things I've ever done. He also happens to have Asperger's, but his dyslexia has been a much bigger challenge in our homeschooling.

 

I also found it very difficult to be a public school parent of a child with dyslexia. Ds attended public school for K-2 and it was a constant battle to get him the help he needed. When we finally did get him some one-on-one help from the school's "reading specialist", he made zero progress because her methods did not suit his needs. We eventually hired a tutor to work with him outside of school, but he was too tired in the late afternoon to focus on reading. If we hadn't started homeschooling, I honestly don't know if he ever would have learned how to read. 

[Heathermomster]

I should have mentioned this up thread.  Homeschooling a dyslexic is easier than afterschooling three hours every night and having a miserable child.  

 

Supposing you teach reading using Barton, that will take 30 minutes daily.  Move over to math and tack on 20 minutes.  Maybe see the OT once per week and perform daily exercises.  The rest of the subjects are read alouds and subjects that may be completed orally.  My DD plays with Zome tools, her field microscope, her animal books, and globe.  She loves mapwork and science.  You feed the intellect.

 

Get the grunt work done in the morning so that more learning can happen.  And you are not requesting accommodations from strangers with no connection to your child.  

[City Mouse]

I should have mentioned this up thread. Homeschooling a dyslexic is easier than afterschooling three hours every night and having a miserable child.

 

Supposing you teach reading using Barton. That will take 30 minutes daily. Move over to math and tack on 20 minutes. Maybe see the OT once per week and perform daily exercises. The rest of the subjects are read alouds and subjects that may be completed orally. My DD plays with Zome tools, her field microscope, her animal books, and globe. She loves mapwork and science. You feed the intellect.

 

Get the grunt work done in the morning so that more learning can happen. And you are not requesting accommodations from strangers with no connection to your child.

I have to agree with this. I spent several years as a parent of a public schooled child with a reading disability (not specifically diagnoisis as dyslexia). We would spend hours after school and on weekends just to keep up with the requirements of the school. Neither one of us had the energy left to do the remediation that I knew he needed. He has moved to an online charter school which is not ideal but is still a big improvement over the brick and mortar public school.

[displace]

Sorry, 50 was being overly pessimistic.  I'm grumpy today.   :)  Honestly, the kids both had some great teachers and certain subjects were handled well.  If they had not had the (at the time) undiagnosed learning issues I think they would have done well in school (despite the fact that there were 3 teachers I could cheerfully have traded in for another model).  DS would definitely do well in a classroom.  He loved being in class.  He lived to go to school.  DD, not so much.  She really is someone who does much better in a homeschool environment.  Still, she had friends, she liked several teachers, and with help from home she was maintaining pretty good grades over all.

 

Thank you for sharing your personal stories of your DC.  I think if DS loved school then I'd feel differently, and I would try or attempt to try to get accommodations and remediation at PS.  But the NP already said don't bother with remediation through the schools, and we'll likely have to fight to get the accommodations we need.  But I can't see how that would work if we still need to remediate so much every day after school.  We've been doing this for a year, plus we didn't break for the summer, and rarely have a day off (though I've taken the last week off to get through all this recently with all the extra research and DS needing a break).  And we're seeing the beginning of the bad self-worth and stupid feelings.  I think it's best to take action now before it worsens.  And so what if we have to move through reading slower?  It'll be much better than trying to keep him from learning bad habits In School and having to reteach, like you said. 

[displace]

I could echo much of what others have said. Although DD9 is as of yet undiagnosed, I'm convinced she is dyslexic, and I find myself nodding along with everyone else's posts. We have always homeschooled, so I can't compare experiences, but we are strongly considering enrolling in school next fall, and I'm worried about how DD9 and DS10 (who is not dyslexic but has other LDs) will fare. To be honest, we are enrolling because homeschooling is very hard on me. I'm not going to sugarcoat it -- homeschooling is hard, even without special needs to consider. But if you are committed and informed and have support from your family and hopefully a homeschooling community, you can do it. And it may be the very best choice for your child and family, even if it is a hard road. You will only really know whether it works for your family by giving it a try.

 

I just want to reiterate that remediating the reading may just be the tip of the iceberg. DD9 can now read on the third grade level, due to reading in context (exactly like PP Erin's son, who sounds so like DD9). But her spelling is atrocious, and she cannot memorize math facts or other factual information. I fear that when she goes to school she will get poor grades even though she is extremely bright. We're going to be very cautious, and we're going to ask the school to evaluate her for an IEP or 504 to try to keep her afloat.

 

When you begin homeschooling, will your son be the only child at home with you? Frankly, that would make it easier (I have four, and I have a hard time meeting all their needs, since there is only one me). It's likely to be harder than you expect and in ways that you didn't anticipate, but hopefully it will be rewarding in the end.

 

Thank you for your story.  From my (limited) understanding, though there may be problems with more than just reading, I'm hoping to help with the reading and spelling and set up systems in place so that if/when we would return to PS it would be easier to implement.  I would think it may be easier for a child to just bring a laptop to school in a setting (maybe high or some middle schools) where they can just type up their essays, have word check, etc.  But in First, where everything would need to be read to him, written for him, etc, in a PS?  There's no way it can happen properly IMO.  A teacher doesn't have that kind of time.  She has other students. 

 

I do have a younger DD, and I'd start incorporating pre-school type of stuff.  I think I'd be able to do it, if I assume this will be my new full time job at home.  DD is also very focused for long periods of time if there's something to do, so if I plan her day with activities along with schooling planning on the weekends or nights I think it would work out.  All I know is afterschooling is no longer working for our family.  It's too all-encompassing, too stressful, and is making our relationship strained because it's just an inappropriate amount of work for a young one to go through.  I don't mind if HSing would be harder for me than afterschooling, as long as it was better for DS, IYKWIM?

 

[displace]

*chuckle*

On Buck's Stanford test this spring, he scored in the 7th percentile.  SEVENTH!  

 

"You mean if you put me in a room with 100 8th graders I can spell better than 6 of them?!?!    Alright!!  *fist pump*  I'm not the worst!!"

 

That's good, Son.  Set the bar high.  lol

 

Sounds like a great sense of humor!  :)

 

[displace]

Homeschooling my dyslexic son has been one of the hardest and most rewarding things I've ever done. He also happens to have Asperger's, but his dyslexia has been a much bigger challenge in our homeschooling.

 

I also found it very difficult to be a public school parent of a child with dyslexia. Ds attended public school for K-2 and it was a constant battle to get him the help he needed. When we finally did get him some one-on-one help from the school's "reading specialist", he made zero progress because her methods did not suit his needs. We eventually hired a tutor to work with him outside of school, but he was too tired in the late afternoon to focus on reading. If we hadn't started homeschooling, I honestly don't know if he ever would have learned how to read. 

 

This is what I've started to realize too.  Unless the reading person is only working one-on-one, it's not as good because there can be kids with many different levels of needs or differences in learning.  And you're echoing the tiredness I feel is our biggest problem with afterschooling.

[displace]

I should have mentioned this up thread.  Homeschooling a dyslexic is easier than afterschooling three hours every night and having a miserable child.  

 

Supposing you teach reading using Barton, that will take 30 minutes daily.  Move over to math and tack on 20 minutes.  Maybe see the OT once per week and perform daily exercises.  The rest of the subjects are read alouds and subjects that may be completed orally.  My DD plays with Zome tools, her field microscope, her animal books, and globe.  She loves mapwork and science.  You feed the intellect.

 

Get the grunt work done in the morning so that more learning can happen.  And you are not requesting accommodations from strangers with no connection to your child.  

 

YES!  Bless you for this post!  That's exactly my thoughts.  My mom was questioning if afterschooling is so hard already, what would homeschool be like?  I'm trying to describe the logistics of a 6 year old, cooped up in school for 6 hours, trying so hard to do things he cannot And it's inappropriate to even ask of him, then come home and FOCUS on afterschooling.  I think everyone assumes I'm exaggerating when I say it ranges from 1.5 - 3 hours x 5 days per week.  And I'm afraid to talk about this in the regular boards because I think others may not understand really and think I'm a horrible parent.  And it IS horrible, I recognize this.  But that's the reality.  And even doing all this DS is still barely treading water.  So we either give up on subjects I think he needs (writing, typing, spelling, etc) and get to bare bones, but with the school's worksheets and the necessary reading work that's still easily 1 hour or more homework every day, plus he'd fall way behind in writing again (or still stay behind I should say).  And OT becomes homework, and even reading aloud is not fun because DS just wants to watch a documentary or whatever, or (goodness forbid) PLAY at the end of the day instead of me telling him what to do all the time. 

 

Sorry if my post is emotional but I am very much so.  I just need a great appointment today with the NP, an official diagnosis, and get family on board to end the madness. 

[displace]

I have to agree with this. I spent several years as a parent of a public schooled child with a reading disability (not specifically diagnoisis as dyslexia). We would spend hours after school and on weekends just to keep up with the requirements of the school. Neither one of us had the energy left to do the remediation that I knew he needed. He has moved to an online charter school which is not ideal but is still a big improvement over the brick and mortar public school.

 

Thank you for this input.  I was a little scared (or a lot actually) on my post when everyone was saying how hard HSing a child with a LD can be.  But this post has put it much more in perspective.  I just don't see how B&M (especially PS) with a LD could be easier than HSing.  Even if HSing is hard, unless you have a great program/teachers and the necessary supports at the B&M school it's GOT to be easier, right?  God I hope so. 

 

I must say I'm very fortunate I'm in the position to be able to take care of this.  If I had to depend on the PS I'd be crying buckets, knowing it would just be a nightmare. 

[merry gardens]

Thank you for this input.  I was a little scared (or a lot actually) on my post when everyone was saying how hard HSing a child with a LD can be.  But this post has put it much more in perspective.  I just don't see how B&M (especially PS) with a LD could be easier than HSing.  Even if HSing is hard, unless you have a great program/teachers and the necessary supports at the B&M school it's GOT to be easier, right?  God I hope so. 

 

I must say I'm very fortunate I'm in the position to be able to take care of this.  If I had to depend on the PS I'd be crying buckets, knowing it would just be a nightmare. 

 

(((hugs))))

 

Sorry that we scared you about homeschooling a dyslexic child earlier.  My dyslexic son has never attended a brick & mortar school, but three of my others have. (I have eight.)  Here are some advantages I find with homeschooling:

 

No one encouraged my son to guess when he was struggling to learn to read. (Guessing is a habit that's hard to break for many dyslexics.) I saw early that he was simply guessing, not reading. We worked with controlled texts, meaning that he wasn't constantly exposed to things that he couldn't read. 

 

When he read his first "chapter" book he felt triumphant! He was the age of a fourth grader and the chapter book was a controlled reader at maybe a first grade level.  He has never been belittled or made fun of by his classmates or teachers. 

 

We work with just a few concepts at a time, and he learns them at whatever pace he can.  When I've tried switching back to a standard speller last year, it was very clear what areas he's remediated and which he hasn't, so we quickly abandoned that.  While I discourage lots of curriculum jumping, we don't have to keep doing something that doesn't work.

 

As far as math goes, his earlier math work showed lots of dyslexic mistakes--and I could correct his math work with him without him feeling like he was "bad" at math.  Things like writing numbers left to right took a bit longer for him to learn, but it was less of a "math" error and more of a dyslexia thing. He'd inverse two digit numbers and write some numbers backwards or upside down.  He didn't get papers returned to him with red marks all over them--we'd sit down and talk through the corrections so that he learned to write 24 instead of 42 or 6 instead of 9, etc. 

 

There's a lot more, but I'm out of time for now. I'll sum it up in a few words: progress at his pace that helps him build confidence and enjoy learning.

[Heathermomster]

To ease your homeschool burdens, you will need to develop a network of friends and support. I meet a friend for coffee about once per month that has homeschooled three children. She is a wealth of information and support. I speak by phone with another homeschooling mom once per week. She has six children and is super busy.

Sometimes, we take a day off and I go craft with another friend for a few hours. As a homeschooler, you can do that. A math lesson stank? No problem...Go eat street tacos afterwards or drink tea from special tea cup and eat dark chocolate!

About mid-Feb last year, the kids and I snuggled on the couch, read aloud, watched documentaries, and drew mind maps on the IPAD. Regular subjects were completed, but we didn't get carried away with a ton of bookish work. My point is, when you are overwhelmed and if your see your child or yourself start to whither, you can adjust the day as the situation arises. I also hired an O-G tutor to work with DS for a writing class both 7th and 8th grades and she was a great. There is no rule that says you must teach every subject if the subject leads to steady consternation and angst with your child.

You can easily read on the main boards about miserable homeschooling families. That is not my experience with homeschooling. Focus your mind and attention on the end game. You love your child and you want him to learn to read and write and enjoy learning. You expect him to grow to a loving man and treat himself and others with respect. You want him employable in a manner that comfortably supports himself and his family. Dyslexia is not cancer. Sometimes the instruction can be maddening, but the end result is worth any inconvenience.

The learning issues will not define him. His character and how he manages life's problems will do that. Lastly, many families struggle with far more difficult issues than teaching a 2e dyslexic. I can't gripe too much about life because I have a sister born with severe challenges. My issues don't even touch what my mother has gone through.

I am fired up now. I want you to homeschool but only if it suits you and your DH. My DH was opposed initially but began to deal with the school personally. He quickly realized that the classroom situation was untenable. 

[Sasharowan]

My 8yo is working at 3rd grade more or less. He just got a diagnosis of dyslexia this summer, so it has only been addressed recently. Even before diagnosis, he was my hardest to school. Not learning to read made it more difficult. We accommodated by having me read aloud history, science, word problems, instructions, etc. I also do a lot of the scribing for him or allow him to type it. He has just discovered audio books and has blown through the first two Wizard of Oz books. He loves that he can listen at any time and not be tied to my schedule. Basically, anything that reading and writing are not intrinsic to, I do the reading and writing and he does the understanding and thinking. Reading and writing are done as separate subjects right now. Also, he loves to watch videos that teach him things. He knows lots of animal facts from videos. So I would say, if you let go of the idea that a child needs to do all the reading and writing and embrace alternate methods of learning and output, homeschooling a dyslexic child would be a 3. Maybe even easier if you have a compliant child.

[Pen]

I put: varies over time.

 

It was easier to homeschool dyslexia than to brick and mortar school dyslexia.

 

But I think it would be easier to homeschool a neurotypical child than dyslexic one.

 

It got easier to homeschool, even with dyslexia, after the first couple of years, and once the dyslexia was remediated up to grade level, both because the dyslexia was more remediated, and because homeschool was no longer a new thing with a huge learning curve.

[PeterPan]

So Displace, how did your appt today go?  Feeling better?  I was traumatized by the last couple days of testing this week for my ds, but it ended on a positive note.  Actually, I don't know what the positive note is, but it ended peacefully and happily, lol.  We go back in two weeks for a fuzz more testing and the feedback.  And we have to turn in some nasty behavior forms, the kind that make your hair curl like rain in the South.

 

So did the psych give you any scoop or sneak preview?  They're pretty tight-lipped.  How long till your results?  I'm going to go start a scrap quilt.  I need something to occupy my soul for the two weeks so I don't go INSANE.  It can totally happen.  It's like that two week waiting when you're wanting to know if you're pregnant, lol.  We're joking now, but it's nasty.

 

Did your ds like the psych?  Is he worn out?

 

I think you're correct btw that you're only going up.  If he's home with you all day, you have issues with structure, getting into a good routine, etc, yes, but in the end it's just codifying what you're already doing and letting you do more since nothing the school is doing seems to be working.  You should feel very confident on this and assertive.  You've already shown your diligence and skill with after schooling, so stepping up to all day should be fine.  You can do it.  :)

[displace]

Just a quick reply to say thanks to all who have responded again.  If I have the mental and physical energy I'll reply individually too. 

 

We met with the NP.  Since DS had quite a bit of subtests of WJ 6 months ago and the IQ test she said she was going to do some additional achievement tests in reading (because it's been 6 months and could have been significant I guess), and lots of other subtests and other things.  I had no clue what she was talking about.  It took about 3 hours.  DS did well, thought it was not great but better than going to school today.  He had a major meltdown as we were leaving because she has an awesome pirate ship that DS basically could play with forever.  He screamed and cried for as long as it took for me to write a check and leave.  Lovely.  Not that stuff like doesn't happen occasionally (emotional intensity), but in public like that is rare, and just what I needed in front of the NP. 

 

No news until Wednesday phone conference.  I should have asked if she had any inkling but I didn't want to be pushy.  She actually offered to score and then go over the results today but I had my DD as well and with DS already in meltdown mode I thought it may possibly not go well.  But in retrospect I should have just bought them both ice cream or some fabulous treat to bribe them so I could get some news today.  Live and learn I suppose.

 

I am a little upset as dysgraphia (suspected) is the #1 concern I have.  I showed her a million papers but DS said she didn't have him write the alphabet or anything really at all?  Now he's saying she did have him write some stuff.  Who knows?  There was a window that I could have peeked in but I thought that would be a little strange, plus I was occupied with trying to keep DD from causing too many problems. 

 

Good news is that I had a real nice heart to heart with DH this morning.  I think my concerns are becoming more clear to him, as well as my goals for DS.  I showed him some of DS's writing.  I thought he'd been seeing it often (we get handfuls of papers daily from school), but he said he really hasn't been seeing papers often.  When I showed him some recent examples I think he started to understand my concerns much better.  And other good news from family is another proponent of keeping DS in PS has recently been starting to think that may not be the best thing (though s/he is saying maybe the nice private school one hour drive away would be a good fit?).  Also, that family member has friends who worked in PS special ed system for 30 years and basically said don't even bother with PS, plus another person HSed their children because of LD (or some learning concerns) and they are "successful" adults.  So that's working slowly in our favor. 

 

I appreciate all the support and advice from all of you on this board.  ITA with PP who mentioned that this is not a big deal in the grand scheme of life.  I agree with this but find myself bogged down in these details sometimes. 

 

Well, I'm sure I'll be back but for now I may just relax a little, and perhaps browse at some curriculum... :)  

[OneStepAtATime]

Just a quick reply to say thanks to all who have responded again.  If I have the mental and physical energy I'll reply individually too. 

 

We met with the NP.  Since DS had quite a bit of subtests of WJ 6 months ago and the IQ test she said she was going to do some additional achievement tests in reading (because it's been 6 months and could have been significant I guess), and lots of other subtests and other things.  I had no clue what she was talking about.  It took about 3 hours.  DS did well, thought it was not great but better than going to school today.  He had a major meltdown as we were leaving because she has an awesome pirate ship that DS basically could play with forever.  He screamed and cried for as long as it took for me to write a check and leave.  Lovely.  Not that stuff like doesn't happen occasionally (emotional intensity), but in public like that is rare, and just what I needed in front of the NP. 

 

No news until Wednesday phone conference.  I should have asked if she had any inkling but I didn't want to be pushy.  She actually offered to score and then go over the results today but I had my DD as well and with DS already in meltdown mode I thought it may possibly not go well.  But in retrospect I should have just bought them both ice cream or some fabulous treat to bribe them so I could get some news today.  Live and learn I suppose.

 

I am a little upset as dysgraphia (suspected) is the #1 concern I have.  I showed her a million papers but DS said she didn't have him write the alphabet or anything really at all?  Now he's saying she did have him write some stuff.  Who knows?  There was a window that I could have peeked in but I thought that would be a little strange, plus I was occupied with trying to keep DD from causing too many problems. 

 

Good news is that I had a real nice heart to heart with DH this morning.  I think my concerns are becoming more clear to him, as well as my goals for DS.  I showed him some of DS's writing.  I thought he'd been seeing it often (we get handfuls of papers daily from school), but he said he really hasn't been seeing papers often.  When I showed him some recent examples I think he started to understand my concerns much better.  And other good news from family is another proponent of keeping DS in PS has recently been starting to think that may not be the best thing (though s/he is saying maybe the nice private school one hour drive away would be a good fit?).  Also, that family member has friends who worked in PS special ed system for 30 years and basically said don't even bother with PS, plus another person HSed their children because of LD (or some learning concerns) and they are "successful" adults.  So that's working slowly in our favor. 

 

I appreciate all the support and advice from all of you on this board.  ITA with PP who mentioned that this is not a big deal in the grand scheme of life.  I agree with this but find myself bogged down in these details sometimes. 

 

Well, I'm sure I'll be back but for now I may just relax a little, and perhaps browse at some curriculum... :)  

Glad you got all the testing done.  I know the waiting is a pain, but I totally understand wanting to just get out of there.  Meltdown mode is draining for everyone.

 

Hugs.  That is good news that family and especially your DH are starting to see glimmers of why this might be a viable path.

 

Best wishes!

[Heathermomster]

NPs expect meltdowns because the testing is quite taxing on these kids.  The fact that he did this at the very end of three hours of testing is quite telling.  Some children act out during testing while others internalize their anxiety.  It would seem your son was internalizing his frustration until the boat helped him reach his max.  He sounds like a pleaser.  

[PeterPan]

I'm with Heather.  If you're embarrassed over the meltdown--DON'T BE.  They WANT to see that kind of stuff, and our np specifically asked how he had reacted.  

 

It's probably better you didn't get the results that day.  You're probably going to want your dh there if at all possible.  It will galvanize support and let him hear things straight.  A professional like that can be very eye-opening to a recalcitrant husband.  Let's just say I'm waiting to see what happens with mine,lol.  (Famous last words.)  I just think when he hears what's going on and you ask what the best situation is (small group with private tutor=mom vs. ps vs. whatever) that things will become more obvious.  

 

Did she have him do a TOVA (the boring computer test where you peck when it blips) or anything like that?  That's great that she could just build on what you already had done.  That surely saved you some money.  

 

A week isn't long to wait!  It will go quickly.  Spend the time researching your state homeschooling laws and figuring out how you withdraw him.  :D

[Lecka]

My son cried on the way home from his speech/language battery when he was in 1st grade. 

 

Agree with Heathermomster.  

 

He has also acted out at OT in a way really uncharacteristic for him.  The OT (private) asked if I was hearing anything from school and I had never heard anything like it (just -- refusing to do stuff, being very avoidant, being very difficult and not listening and not doing what was asked ---- so not like him).  She said it was a sign of how hard and frustrating it was for him.  She did not take it as "oh he is being a brat" or anything like that.  

 

It is very vulnerable either way, I think.  

[displace]

NPs expect meltdowns because the testing is quite taxing on these kids. The fact that he did this at the very end of three hours of testing is quite telling. Some children act out during testing while others internalize their anxiety. It would seem your son was internalizing his frustration until the boat helped him reach his max. He sounds like a pleaser.

Yes, she mentioned he had done so well so I knew he was just at his wit's end (and he said it was better than going to school so I can only imagine). He is so sweet and tries so hard to do whatever we ask of him. A common misconception in the family is if he just tries harder he'll do better. I repeatedly refute that with how hard he works. It's hard giving someone a real impression if they're not there to witness it. A problem is he also masks how bad school is because he doesn't want us to feel sad or disappointed :(

[displace]

I'm with Heather. If you're embarrassed over the meltdown--DON'T BE. They WANT to see that kind of stuff, and our np specifically asked how he had reacted.

 

It's probably better you didn't get the results that day. You're probably going to want your dh there if at all possible. It will galvanize support and let him hear things straight. A professional like that can be very eye-opening to a recalcitrant husband. Let's just say I'm waiting to see what happens with mine,lol. (Famous last words.) I just think when he hears what's going on and you ask what the best situation is (small group with private tutor=mom vs. ps vs. whatever) that things will become more obvious.

 

Did she have him do a TOVA (the boring computer test where you peck when it blips) or anything like that? That's great that she could just build on what you already had done. That surely saved you some money.

 

A week isn't long to wait! It will go quickly. Spend the time researching your state homeschooling laws and figuring out how you withdraw him. :D

I know it's not forever to wait but it feels that way. And now I'm full of just second guessing myself. From our initial consult she implied from the scores previously it was likely dyslexia but now I'm thinking what if it's not? What if it's something like ADHD? Or nothing? Or...? I really can't imagine it's not dyslexia but IDK. And I'm especially convinced its dysgraphia. It has to be. I think...

 

The results will be by phone consult. I'm going to see if there's an iPhone app that can record the conversation for DH to listen to. I already asked about HSing at our initial consult and she's anti-HSing but admitted PS is not a great option. Her choice was a private school (generic, not some specific one in our neighborhood or anything like a fancy 2e school which isn't here). I knew this going in so I'm hoping it won't bite me about her recs. I can fight that argument. I'm not going to pay for generic private school, and I'm mentally done with after schooling shenanigans. I'm imagining a better future for DS and our family.

[Lecka]

So what if it is ADHD?  It would be the same school situation and the same reasons to homeschool.

 

I think you need to have your husband on your side. 

 

But for other family members -- it is just not their business.  You are doing something different that is making them uncomfortable.  That is their problem, it is not your problem.  You are also saying your son has "a problem" or "a difference" and that might make them panic and not want it to be true, like they are in denial.  That is also their problem.  You are the one who has already been through Kindergarten with him, been through afterschooling, etc, and so you are past that point of thinking "school will be great" like people usually think when kids are heading off to Kindergarten. 

 

But -- my mom did come around.  I hope your family members will come around, too. 

 

 

[PeterPan]

I know it's not forever to wait but it feels that way. And now I'm full of just second guessing myself. From our initial consult she implied from the scores previously it was likely dyslexia but now I'm thinking what if it's not? What if it's something like ADHD? Or nothing? Or...? I really can't imagine it's not dyslexia but IDK. And I'm especially convinced its dysgraphia. It has to be. I think...

 

The results will be by phone consult. I'm going to see if there's an iPhone app that can record the conversation for DH to listen to. I already asked about HSing at our initial consult and she's anti-HSing but admitted PS is not a great option. Her choice was a private school (generic, not some specific one in our neighborhood or anything like a fancy 2e school which isn't here). I knew this going in so I'm hoping it won't bite me about her recs. I can fight that argument. I'm not going to pay for generic private school, and I'm mentally done with after schooling shenanigans. I'm imagining a better future for DS and our family.

Is there any way you can hire a sitter and be there in person?  Honestly, I can't imagine as the teaching parent not being there in person.  If your dh needs to listen in by phone, fine.  But for YOU?  Get there.  Hire someone.  Call up a paid service if you have to or a priest or whatever it takes.  Now is the time to call in the chits, tell your friends you need the help, or BUY a friend.  This is the day. You want to be there.  And frankly, you want to take a good friend with you who can drive you home or stop and eat some lunch first and then drive you home.

 

Don't ask the woman her opinion on his school then.  If she's already said her opinion and you've already decided your plan, the discussion is done.  Don't give her power.  She's not some stupid EXPERT in EVERYTHING.  She's only a psychologist.  She's the psychologist and you're his parent taking responsibility for his teaching.  That discussion is over.  Think Jane Austen: You're gentry and I'm gentry and so far we're equal.  Don't let them shove you out of your station.

 

Labels.  If you tie yourself to a label, you're getting stuck on the wrong thing.  ADHD and dyslexia used to be lumped together diagnostically as "minimal brain dysfunction."  In other words, there are more similarities than differences and a child can end up with BOTH labels or all of one and hints of the other.  All you want is the TRUTH from this SNAPSHOT of where he is now.  That's all you're invested in.  It's also possible to have labels evolve as you work with him more, see more, and realize more was going on.  

 

When we got dd's evals, the ladies on the board here told me to ACCEPT whatever the psych said, even if I thought it was wrong.  Frankly, I spent several years thinking it was wrong or at least incomplete.  I still think the DSM is screwed up.  But I *do* think the psych got what he said right.  So it's good advice.  Just go in planning to accept whatever she says.  Then be good to yourself and go out to eat and rest a bit afterward.  It will be a lot to process.  And be there, whatever you do, mercy.  

[Heathermomster]

Yes, she mentioned he had done so well so I knew he was just at his wit's end (and he said it was better than going to school so I can only imagine). He is so sweet and tries so hard to do whatever we ask of him. A common misconception in the family is if he just tries harder he'll do better. I repeatedly refute that with how hard he works. It's hard giving someone a real impression if they're not there to witness it. A problem is he also masks how bad school is because he doesn't want us to feel sad or disappointed :(

My DS is like that. When DS was your boy's age, he was very attuned to the feelings of others. That is a precious gift. I have to be careful with DS so that my alpha-ness does not overwhelm him when he struggles. My DS uses humor a lot to make friends and influence people.

 

Ah yes, the old "if he'd only try harder argument."

 

Well, that's baloney. Your DS is already trying twice as hard with little to no benefit. His effort is not the problem. When your son's needs are addressed with proper teaching and materials, he will learn to read and express himself with pencil or through technology.

 

Have a blessed weekend!

[Erin]

A problem is he also masks how bad school is because he doesn't want us to feel sad or disappointed

We had the exact same thing going on for a couple years. But by seventh he was absolutely drowning, we could see it. "How do other kids DO this, Mom??" and then he'd cry.

 

We also had the same issue with Dad not being on board, so I just asked that we try homeschoolong for a year and see if its any better for him.

 

Two years later, Dad is fully supportive.

[Lecka]

I also think -- sometimes in life we do not get validation that we are doing the right things.  It is lonely.  People are not recognizing your reality or your son's reality.  

 

But -- that is part of life sometimes.  It is better to have validation from a doctor or by doing the same thing as others, or other ways, but sometimes you have to do what you believe is right.

 

You can tell your son later, that this was a time you made the best decision possible with the information you had available at the time.  Or, that it was a time when you did what you thought was right even when other people didn't agree.  

 

I think these are both things where you would be a good role model and example for your son.  

 

It is not like you will want him to do things that are not right for himself just to get approval or fit in, when he is older.  And, I don't think this is the same as peer pressure, but you will not want him to fall into peer pressure, either.  But you will remember how hard it is, too.  

 

If people are openly criticizing you, I would ask them to stop.  If they are going and saying things to your husband -- well, I think it is okay to take what they say into consideration and respectfully consider it.  But, they need to take what you say into consideration and respectfully consider it, too.  

 

My MIL can talk to my husband, but I know that he will consider what she says, but he is not going to second guess me over something my MIL says.  But if we disagree -- it needs to be something that we settle, not something where one of us has more relatives on our side.  A lot of times -- that is fine, I think, it helps to come to a good decision and we can need advice from the older generation.  But I do not think this is that kind of situation.

 

I also think -- if they would accept any books about dyslexia,and he has dyslexia, it was learning about dyslexia by reading some books that got through to my mom.  The things I was saying to her seemed so wrong to her, she just did not think any of it sounded right.  When she read about it on her own, that is when it made sense to her.  

 

 

[chepyl]

I am 100% convinced that homeschooling my DD is muh easier than navigating the PS system would be with her. We go for testing in Dec (4 month wait! Ugh!) but we are making progress. I have read every book on dyslexia and ADHD that I could find. I also talked to other moms with dyslexic children and a friend who's specialty before having kids was LDs. I changed curricula to fit her needs.

 

Everything is multi sensory. We have pictures, manipulatives, games, and worksheets. We have days where we make baby steps everyday and all is great, then we have a day where it seems she has forgotten it all. Once I learned to relax, she will get it when she gets it, everything started to go better.

[chepyl]

Oops! Hit post on accident!

 

We repeat lessons for a couple of days, we take a week to finish a lesson in pieces, we take a break and write in glue for a day. :) once I stopped thinking I her as behind and started to work where she was I was less stressed. In PS, she would be "behind" and we would both feel the pressure of getting her to level. She does not know there is a problem. She wants to read and we are slowly getting there but she has no one to compare to.