ErinE Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Thanks for the advice. I appreciate all the responses, and it's changed my decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 I think I would plan something special for you and dd to do at the same time they are having their boy's night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 I'd rent a girly movie, pop some popcorn, buy some bonbons and have a girls night in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowing Brook Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Growing up I got resentful when my parents implemented a if everyone did not get to do something than no got to do it rule. I think if is fine for the boys to be able to do a boys night out. Your dd should realize that she will get her turn another time. Not to say maybe you guys could do something girly that night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Let him go. Have her go to a friends or make a special girls night in when the baby is asleep. It isn't just about body parts. Girls and boys are different. Even if the girls usually play with the boys, there is just something different about a group of one gender getting together. It may be primal, maybe cultural...but there is something different if that group is broken by the opposite gender. Find a solution for her separate from him. I have girl/boy also and I remember those years and it is hard. One thing we tried to do, was to enlist the person who was heading to the party/event/sleepover etc to spend one hour with their sibling before they left, doing something that the sibling liked to do. DD was the younger of the two, and it really helped to take the sting out feeling left out to have the one-on-one before ds left. There is nothing wrong with the boys wanting to have a boys night. And while yes, she will feel left out, that too is nothing wrong with that. I don't want my kids feelings hurt any more than any other mom does, but there are always going to be times when one child is invited and another is not. Maybe plan a picnic in the living room and movie night. If she is into nails, pick up a new bottle of polish and sit and do your nails. Start a girls night movie tradition and watch a series or Trilogy on TV. Maybe you can plan an event with all the cousins soon after to help take the sting out. If you do a trip to the movies, try to get your dh or a friend to help out and that will keep it from getting too overwhelming for you and the new baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 I'd let my son go, and not make a big deal of it with my daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 I'd also plan something just for you two to do. The baby shouldn't make a difference. You can certainly do something at home, bake cookies, watch a movie, something that she'll enjoy and is easy. Put up a tent in the family room and eat popcorn inside, play a card game. It doesn't have to be involved. The "boys" time is wonderful. Unfortunately, at this point, there are no other girl cousins. Your kids will never be treated equally, whether it's at home by you, by their grandparents, by neighbors, or anyone else in life. That's just life. They are also three years apart. I'm guessing that your dd might not be so upset if you weren't. I don't think either one of you are justified feeling "hurt." Neither one of you is a boy. You're not being excluded. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Let him go, keep DD home. Do something special w/ her...or not. She can have a special time another time. It doesn't have to be simultaneous to be fair... Not that life is fair, actually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 There's nothing wrong with things being separated along gender lines sometimes. I'd do something special with my daughter in this case. Movie, popcorn, ice cream. Bake a cake together. Go out for a milkshake. Order pizza. Paint her finger nails. You'll have fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 I think boy nights should be for boys. There's no reason you can't plan something for the girls that time or another time. I don't think everything should be for a single gender, but I think when there are one gender only events, people should respect that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 I don't think your dd is at all justified in feeling hurt, and I think you should simply explain to her that it's a boys' thing, so you and she can do something girly together that night. If you'd said that your ds was intentionally being excluded from boys' night, I would agree with you, but I'm not sure why you feel a girl should be included in this particular get-together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Let the boys have their night. Even with a newborn at home you and dd can watch a chick flick, paint toe nails, play a board game, do make overs, eat s'mores (I make mine under the broiler in the oven etc. Life is not about making everything the same all the time. Perhaps another time she can have a special night with gramma while brother stays home. I mean really, they are old enough to learn that sometimes it is their turn and sometimes it's not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 We always made it clear to our 6 that they were not a six pack. It was okay to separate one from the rest. Sometimes one got the extra bit of fun. Sometimes it was another. I would never want my kids to think that everything had to be equal. Because equal does not represent the best interest of each of the children. DS the younger is off with his dad at the first flag football practice for the season. DD the youngest attends several high adventure AHG camps every year. DD the third lives close by on a college campus. DH frequently drops by and takes her out to lunch or dinner just 'because'. Honestly, none of the other siblings care. Everyone gets his turn to receive the special treat from time to time. If you really can't get past the 'unfairness' speak to grandpa and arrange a grandpa/granddaughter date. Or invite another female relative for a 'girl's day.' I suspect if you treat this as matter of fact, your daughter will see it that way too. If she's sad, acknowledge it and move on. "Yep, I know you wanted to go too. But, not this time. It's brothers turn. Now, go find something to do." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 I'd definitely let him go. I don't think everyone has to included in every activity. There will be times that you dd will be the one off doing something and ds will be at home. That's just the way life works. Have a special mother/daughter time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Let him go and take her out to an interesting new restaurant for lunch that you couldn't afford to take the whole family to, then watch chick flicks and eat ice cream when baby has gone to bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 It would depend on how the kids are usually treated. I do not let my family take just dd to do anything anymore, because they made promises to my boys to do things, and then never follow through. Dd is favored, and I will not have it, period. My sister was the favorite child growing up, and I will not have my other kids feel the way I did as a child. If they do not favor one child over the other, then I would let my son go. Boys are gross when they are out together, and it will likely not be as fun for dd as she thinks it will, :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 Okay. The Hive has spoken. Perhaps my views are too influenced by past experience. I have a feeling that had this family ended up mixed gender, it would have been a "not-ErinE's kids" night. Which is fine, my kids don't have to do everything their cousins get to do. But DS would have invited himself (as he did today) and dd probably would have been invited as well. I'll let him go. It still stinks. I'm not looking forward to the tears. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 let ds go. plan a girls night/day another time with grandma and the aunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Okay. The Hive has spoken. Perhaps my views are too influenced by past experience. I have a feeling that had this family ended up mixed gender, it would have been a "not-ErinE's kids" night. Which is fine, my kids don't have to do everything their cousins get to do. But DS would have invited himself (as he did today) and dd probably would have been invited as well. I'll let him go. It still stinks. I'm not looking forward to the tears. I'm sorry you have to tell your dd she can't go. I know that won't be easy for you. :( I would definitely try to put a positive spin on how it's only for boys, so you and she will be doing something very fun that is only for girls. If your dd sees that you are upset about this, it will be a much bigger deal to her than if you make it an offhand thing and then start making a fuss over how much fun you and she will have when you finally have a night alone together to do girl stuff without the boys around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 We always made it clear to our 6 that they were not a six pack. It was okay to separate one from the rest. Sometimes one got the extra bit of fun. Sometimes it was another. I would never want my kids to think that everything had to be equal. Because equal does not represent the best interest of each of the children. ------ I suspect if you treat this as matter of fact, your daughter will see it that way too. If she's sad, acknowledge it and move on. "Yep, I know you wanted to go too. But, not this time. It's brothers turn. Now, go find something to do." Yes, exactly this. My kids each have unique opportunities for fun and bonding with other family members. And don't let baby get in the way of having a girls night with dd. it doesn't have to be anything elaborate.- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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