Question for those with teen boys

[AmyontheFarm]

We school a few subjects year round.  My husband and I are trying to find a compromise.  My son wants to be out with Dad doing farm related things instead of inside doing his school work.  So, for July and August my son can go outside with Dad from the time he wakes up until lunch time.  Then in the heat of the day, I'm supposed to be able to get lessons done.  I'm thinking this won't work, he'll be to tired from the heat and from working hard, etc.

 

The only way I think it will work is if Dad says he has to see the required work by 9pm or else he can't go out the next morning.  

 

What says the Hive?  Do you think this will work with a 13 year old boy?

[FriedClams]

I would encourage man work as much as possible - particularly for a 13 year old boy. I think working alongside dad for the summer and learning all that goes with that (persistence, diligence, character) way, way outweigh bookwork. Embrace the farm work. Assign some reading. Let him work. Start schoolwork in August.

[NancyNellen]

I think I would give it a test run and see if it works before requiring anything additional like having Dad check work. It's a great opportunity for your son to show responsibility. Hard grunt work for teenage boys is awesome! That would probably be my priority...book work second.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Try it.

 

Work is seriously important -- learning a good work ethic, using those brains and muscles for things that really matter to the family's survival and future -- yeah. Figure it out somehow, since he really wants to AND he has a Dad willing to work with him. Seize the opportunity.

 

My teens work on school days. It's really hard for ME (because this past year I had to drive them to work -- this fall I won't have to) but they have learned to stow their fatigue and get things done, which is an adult skill.

 

Give the trial enough time, though. It's a huge transition and you'll need to have the patience to not declare it a failure right off the bat if he's too sleepy or cares far less about his lessons than he used to. He'll need more than a week or two to adjust.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I also agree with the others about stopping the year round school if he's needed on the farm. The farming communities of North America used to follow that old calendar for exactly this reason.

[Murphy101]

I think so and it is similar to what we do. They aren't too tired to do the work. If anything it settles their hyper minds so they can focus on it. And if they don't do it, they stay in the next morning. That's how we handle summer because it's just too hot to do much outside the house after lunch.

[AmyontheFarm]

How much time is needed for lessons and how much for independent work?

 

Saxon Math 1 hour

Grammar 10-15 mins

Spelling 15-25 mins.

Reading 1 hour <-- This he has asked for because he just loves to read and wants 1 hour a day to just read undisturbed.

 

Total= Under 3 hours

 

IF he gets a move on, otherwise it could take 4 hours if he drags his feet.

 

His schedule would look like this:

5:30 am Milk cows

6:30 am Barn chores

7:00 Breakfast

7:30 Out with Dad

Noon Lunchtime

12:30 Bedroom chores, put laundry in, household chore

1:00 pm School work

4:00 pm Barn chores

5:00 Supper

5:30 Milking cows

7pm Out with Dad or free time

9:00 Lights out - bedtime

 

Out with Dad could be mean many different things driving tractor, fixing machinery in the shop, learning to weld, hauling grain for the animals feed, harvesting, planting or something easy like going for a ride into town to get parts and of course that means they might have to swing buy the coffee shop. :)  

[Jenny in Florida]

It's the kind of thing that has worked reasonably well with my own son. I will warn you that, with mine, it required making the rules extremely, excruciatingly clear and sticking to them absolutely, all the time in order for this kind of approach to be successful.

 

In other words, we had to be painfully, legalistically clear about what words like "done" meant. And we had to define up front who got to make the call, at exactly what time, etc. Otherwise, it was just an excuse for more arguing, negotiating and wheedling. It became a contest for my son to see just how little he could do and how poorly he could do it and still get away with it enough to do most of what he wanted to do.

 

It was the best alternative we found, but it wasn't easy.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

IMO you aren't giving him enough time to rest at lunch. His dinner hour should be the whole hour, then start school at 1. Maybe drop grammar and spelling so he's just doing math and then reading?

[AmyontheFarm]

Tibbie, with his special needs he needs to keep at the spelling (he spells at a grade 2 level but reads and comprehends at a grade 12 level according to his assessment testing).  I also know that sometimes hubby is in the house at 11:15 to cool down and get paper work done before lunch frequently.  They will also usually stop mid-morning for a drink and cookies.  

 

His household chore is to stack the dishwasher and for his bedroom he does one job each day (Monday, empty garbage pail, Tuesday, dust, Wednesday pick up floor, Thursday, vacuum, etc)  so both of those are usually done in 20-30 minutes.  I'd let him do them at night, but I'm too bushed to follow through and make sure he has them done then.  Oh and he takes the garbage and recycling to the road on their proper nights, if I remind him.

 

He only needs to put a load in when he has a load of his own clothes to wash and I wash all the barn clothes, so even then it's not much because he quickly learned that if he was wearing barn clothes Mom was washing them. :)

 

If it gets to be too much I'll tell him that he can have his reading hour after evening chores.

 

Jenny,  I hear you.  I really don't have the energy to deal with the negotiating right now.  I simply smile, then point to what I told him to do and stare him down.  Sometimes, he gets really mad and says he wants to talk to Dad.  I hand him the phone.  Dad has been lately always backing me up when it comes to school so usually he ends up hanging up and walking to the table sitting down and getting it done.

[SilverMoon]

Try it. Modify it as needed. My teen DS does far better at his school work when he's had heavy exercise. *shrug*

[kolamum]

Take this with a grain of salt.. but does he need to do an hour of math a day? Could he do, say half that amount, or even a set amount of problems? Could you do spelling over breakfast? Seriously, we do some things over breakfast to keep things flowing. If he could do spelling & grammar over breakfast perhaps you could require just 20-30 minutes of math and/or a set number of problems for him that MAYBE he could work on during his lunch time? Then in the afternoons when it's hot he'd probably be tempted to read anyway. It would free up his day & relieve you, but I'm all for multi tasking when possible to keep the flow rolling.

[MrsJewelsRae]

My dh is self employed, owns a landscaping company. My ds is 12 and goes to work with dh as much as possible in the summer, even from time to time during the school year. I think it's really important for my son to spend as much time with his dad as possible, he's learning work ethic, responsibility, communication skills (seeing dh handle employees, customers and potential customers, etc)- an entirely different set of skills from what he's learning being home with me and doing school work. It's works for us. :)

[robsiew]

My first thought would be to just let him work with Dad.  Personally, I think there is more value than we realize in that.  You may (or may not) be surprised at how many children do not know how to work hard!

 

My next thought would be to let him work and just have him do reading and math if you feel he needs to do paper/pencil work.  I would make sure he has some good rest time after working (he may need a nap... my 13 y/o boy is always sleeping and eating) and then have him do his work in the late afternoon/evening.

 

We normally don't school during the summer, but need to this year.  If an opportunity for work has come up though, I have them do that.  We are helping someone get their house on the market and they've spent days pulling tack strip/staples out of wood floors, painting, loading trucks, etc. and I see this as valuable as their desk work.  Our kids are constantly getting compliments on how hard they work... they are even getting paid today to do some of this work... all 4 of them!  Helps with feelings of entitlement and promotes helping others.

[Ottakee]

I agree with cutting back on the school work to maybe 1 hour a day and then he can do his reading as it fits in his schedule--during his lunch, before bed, etc.

 

I would likely cut out his household chore.  If he is honestly working that much with dad then I as the mom would handle the dishes or have the sibling help with them, likely same with laundry as long as the dirty clothes were to the laundry room I would just wash them.

 

There is so much to be said for working with dad, esp. for a child with learning challenges.  I would work really hard to make that happen.

[TammyS]

I agree with cutting back on the school work to maybe 1 hour a day and then he can do his reading as it fits in his schedule--during his lunch, before bed, etc.

 

I would likely cut out his household chore.  If he is honestly working that much with dad then I as the mom would handle the dishes or have the sibling help with them, likely same with laundry as long as the dirty clothes were to the laundry room I would just wash them.

 

There is so much to be said for working with dad, esp. for a child with learning challenges.  I would work really hard to make that happen.

 

I agree with all of this.  As the mom of a 15 year old boy who takes a pretty rigorous course load, if I had the option to have him working with his dad directly,  I would give that preferment above all other things that I could.  It would have to be seriously important in order for me to keep him in with me.  I do believe that one of the downsides of homeschooling is that boys end up spending too much time with mom and not enough with dad/men.  Not that it's any better in school  for the most part and not that there is much that most of us could do about it (with husbands who work away from home). 

 

I see working with dad, especially doing farm chores, to be very, very worthy time spent.  Hard work, meaningful work (few things are more directly meaningful than doing the work that feeds people), toil, and (most importantly) time spent observing how real men behave (rather than the caricatures that the dominate culture presents us with).  Our society desperately needs real men, and this is how they get trained. 

[Mom-ninja.]

I would encourage man work as much as possible - particularly for a 13 year old boy. I think working alongside dad for the summer and learning all that goes with that (persistence, diligence, character) way, way outweigh bookwork. Embrace the farm work. Assign some reading. Let him work. Start schoolwork in August.

This. Hard physical work is essential for teen boys.

[bethben]

I WISH my ds could work with his dad.  Boys in their teens really need time with their dads and preferably working.  I am of the mindset that it was never a good plan to have fathers separated from their children for most of the waking hours.  Especially boys - especially teen boys.  If it were my son and he really still needed to do school work, I would rather school suffer than time with his dad.

 

Beth

[AmyontheFarm]

So, this is day two.  My son is exhausted!  :hurray:  He's been heading out at 5:30am and has fallen asleep almost immediately at 9pm.

School work has been getting done sort of.  Tonight we sat down after evening chores and spent 1/2 hour correcting some questions because he told dad he was daydreaming during his math time about driving the tractors.  So, Dad told him to get it done otherwise he couldn't come with him to town in the morning.

 

I think he is walking taller already.  Does that make sense? LOL  

When he came in for lunch with Dad he told us he was glad he got to stay in during the afternoon because it was so hot outside.  He was so filthy tonight I sent him in to get a shower and he said he might just have to take two to get all the dirt off. He wore that dirt like a badge of honor and had to show his sister how dirty he was.

 

One good thing, there hasn't been any arguing or tempers the past two days.  He's been too busy to do either and he isn't in with the woman all day.  I think this will be a fun summer!  Bonus, is hubby has him cleaning up the piles the junk around the farm, so the farm will be tidier also! LOL

[wingedradical]

deleted because misunderstood post

 

 

 

[katilac]

Note: well, it sounds like you have it worked out so my comments aren't applicable - but still, they might be in the future!

 

I guess I disagree with the majority, or at least, I would be very cautious. In many countries, working and going to school are considered counter-productive and to some extent, I agree.  <snip>

 

If I'm reading the OP correctly, this is the plan for July and August, not the entire year. 

[TKDmom]

Oh, I'm so jealous!

 

If I could get my 10yo out working with dad for half the day, that would be awesome. He is getting to that point where he needs to be pushed harder, and he needs more time with dad. I think it would stop all the bickering that's going on at my house lately. And it would be great for him to learn to work without me pushing him to do everything. DH is obeyed immediately, where I get whining and negotiation and rationalization...

 

I'm excited to hear how this works out for you this summer!  Keep us updated!

[AmyontheFarm]

Yesterday my husband and son found out where to take used tires for free in our township.  Now for the past 2 hours hubby and him have been collected the used tires from around the farm, breaking the bead on the tire, separating the tires from the rims and stacking each item into different trailers.

 

I am almost giddy!  I've been asking for these tires to be disposed of for years and now it's getting done.  :)  I sent out lemonade with my dd to the men and when I got there I was told it was the best lemonade.

 

You know the stuff I served last week and my son griped it was not sweet enough.  :P

[Ottakee]

Sounds like it is going GREAT.  A child that struggles in so many areas NEEDS something to be good at and for boys, esp. being one of the "guys" and going "guy things" is so HUGE.  I wish more young men could have that opportunity.

[JumpyTheFrog]

It sounds like this will be a good thing for him. I have often wondered if the behavior of teen boys would be better if they did more hard labor.

[chaya]

This. Hard physical work is essential for teen boys.

 

I totally agree. My teen boy would rather sit on his bum and read all day than do any hard physical work. he'd even rather do math and writing. BUT when I do manage to motivate him to get out and work in the garden or clean out the gutters, he comes in exhausted...for twenty minutes. and then his mind is good and clear, his mood is good, and peace reigns. for a little while anyway.

I wish I had a steady supply of work for him to do.

 

but to answer the original question, we do a lighter school schedule in the summer since I homeschool only 2/5 of my kids. Math is priority, but I have them doing 30 min instead of 45, I dont require reading (they read anyway but I dont assign any related work and they select all books in the summer). I'm a stickler for daily news/current events but they love that and its just part of our day anyway, low key and natural so it doesnt feel like work at all. I cut back on our religious studies too, requiring only prayer and a quickie bible lesson (5-10 min).

[Erin]

Sounds like it is going GREAT.  A child that struggles in so many areas NEEDS something to be good at and for boys, esp. being one of the "guys" and going "guy things" is so HUGE.  I wish more young men could have that opportunity.

 

I agree, too. 

Buck, 14, day works for a neighboring rancher.  He works in the hayfield, mechanics on equipment!, does the crap jobs none of the adults want (like poisoning prairie dogs or cleaning the shop), and on the best of days he gets to cowboy.  

 

While it'a all well and good that he excels in both math and science, it's really a positive for him that he's "a good hand." That's man-stuff and he's at an age where he really needs that too.  Maybe even more so than he needs school-related success...  

[BlsdMama]

I would encourage man work as much as possible - particularly for a 13 year old boy. I think working alongside dad for the summer and learning all that goes with that (persistence, diligence, character) way, way outweigh bookwork. Embrace the farm work. Assign some reading. Let him work. Start schoolwork in August.

Yes, yes, yes! Beyond blessed to have this in your life! ;)

[AmyontheFarm]

So, today it happened.  Ds didn't get up to go to the barn at 5:30am, he woke up and started watching TV.  When Dad came in to tell me what he was doing for the day, son got his shoes on to go with him and Dad said, "nope".  Dear son had to do math, hard lesson but Dad enforced it.  So hurray!

 

We all go out this afternoon to help with cleaning up around the farm so I'll still be able to tire out my son.

[AmyontheFarm]

Hubby and son have been hauling junk metal out of here over the past week.  Son doesn't know it yet, but he gets to have some of the proceeds from the sale of all that junk.  I see a trip to the Big Boy toy store in the next week!  There are some basic hand tools he has been eyeing up on sale there later this week.

[Ottakee]

That is WONDERFUL....both that he is learning to work hard but that he is able to see the benefits of his hard work and buy some tools.

 

Hubby and son have been hauling junk metal out of here over the past week.  Son doesn't know it yet, but he gets to have some of the proceeds from the sale of all that junk.  I see a trip to the Big Boy toy store in the next week!  There are some basic hand tools he has been eyeing up on sale there later this week.