Alicia64 Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 In total fairness to her: the party is for -- I'm guessing -- the end of season baseball get together. And my kids aren't on the team so obviously that's why they're not at the party. But, geez, our houses are directly next to each other. I can hear like 20 boys whooping it up. I don't think my two have even noticed. They had a couple of friends over today and are now very happily on video games -- which they rarely get. But. . . I wouldn't have a huge kid-party and not invite her boys. In fact, I have invited her boys because I didn't want them to feel left out. We've lived here two yrs. and her two boys are one year, and two years under my boys. Plus they go to public school. The boys haven't clicked as far as friendship goes. It's still breaks my heart that she has a raucous party and doesn't include my boys. I realize I'm being a little silly. Go easy on me. DH has been gone for a week and isn't back for several days. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 I would stop inviting them to parties. I would only invite my kids' friends and family, and/or the special group that the party is to celebrate. And I would expect the same in return. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 I can see why you would feel a bit sad but it also sounds like the party has a purpose - baseball season - so it's natural your kids are not included. If your kids aren't friends with the neighbors, why do you invite them? I don't understand that feeling of obligation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted June 7, 2014 Author Share Posted June 7, 2014 If your kids aren't friends with the neighbors, why do you invite them? I don't understand that feeling of obligation. Mainly because we're newish to the state and still making friends. I was hoping that the neighbor boys and mind would become friends. We had been in relocation apartments and there were tons of kids for my boys to play with -- later, my son said said it was so great "it was like a dream." Now that we're at the house -- in a neighborhood -- there's fewer kids. I try hard -- I mean really hard -- to keep the "social" going for my kids and I just seem to fall short. It's not them. One of my boys is the popular type. The other is a bit Aspie, but very sweet, very kind, very eager to play w/ others. Doesn't push for his own way or anything like that. Sadly, neither are that into team sports. I'd love for them to be. The Aspie-ish boy once really enjoyed karate in our old state so I should re look into that. They're both huge readers. I didn't/don't have a lot of friends and I just wanted them to have a nicer friend experience. I think I'm missing my best friend who is traveling. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berta Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Maybe the party was funded by the team, and open only to the team. I wouldn't read anything more into it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 I didn't/don't have a lot of friends and I just wanted them to have a nicer friend experience. I think I'm missing my best friend who is traveling. Alley :grouphug: It does sound like you're over-identifying. Don't borrow trouble. I'm sorry you're sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 I think people are much more likely to keep events that are oriented to a specific group (ie baseball team) confined to that group than to invite kids who aren't part of it. Honestly, for most kids it would be a little awkward to be a large group of kids who all know each other and the only one(s) they know are the host kids, who will be interacting with everyone. I know that it is hard to break into a new group and make friends, but I think you're reading too much into this specific situation. It takes time--a lot of time---to make new friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ivey Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 As a baseball parent, I think it would be very odd to have neighbor children at a team party. Most of the time, siblings aren't even invited (which has caused some tears in our house over the years). If this was a birthday party or just a "beginning of summer" party, I would be upset that my kids weren't included, but I think a team party is different. I'm sorry that you're having a rough week. I know how hard it is to see your kids left out of things. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Oh, honey, I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. At the same time, if I was hosting a get-together with twenty young boys, the last thing I'd want was to add more boys! Twenty boys is a lot to handle as a hostess - to keep them fed, entertained and out of trouble is a *big* job, even if most or all of their parents are present. Sometimes, as a hostess, you have to reduce your guest list to keep your sanity, and I think that's the situation here. I don't think it has anything to do with their relationship with your boys. They aren't so much leaving *your* boys out of it, as they are leaving *any* boy who is not on the team out of it - it's not personal at all. Don't take offense if none is intended; it will just make you nuts.There will be other opportunities to play with these boys, and to meet others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Let it go.. I have hosted parties for a specific group and never would invite someone outside the team or dance class. It feels weird to be the outsider Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upennmama Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Man, when DH is away anything can set me off. Hang in there! As an aside, my daughters had a birthday party in the backyard last weekend, and it was totally casual. Some neighbhor kids were watching through the fence, so I invited them over on the spot. They aren't really friends of my kids but it was a very casual party and I had plenty of everything, and I know those kids are kind of lonely and have a tough home life, so they came over and had fun. My daughter kept telling me how awkward it was for her, and worrying that the neighbor kids would be uncomfortable. The neighbor kids did feel a little weird, I think, since they didn't know the other kids in attendance, but they all got along fine. Kid dynamics are hard to work out. I'm sorry you felt bad, but I'm glad your kids didn't notice. It would have sucked for them if they had been sad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 :grouphug: I'm sorry you are feeling lonely and left out. Perhaps if you and your boys went out somewhere for some fun of your own? And please don't think of it as them having a kid party and not inviting your kids because that does not sound it is the case. They had a team party and didn't invite anyone not on the team. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I am really sorry you are feeling sad right now....... but don't pain shop. This isn't about your boys in any personal way. Don't make it something it's not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 It seems perfectly normal to only invite the team to a team party. That's a LOT of people. I wouldn't want to add to that list either. Sorry you're feeling lonely and disconnected. That just sucks on so many levels. I hope you find your crew soon. Have you checked out the neighborhood swim team? Around here, serious swimmers go year-round so the neighborhood summer teams turn into a regularly scheduled party/playdate with a little structure for the VERY recreational kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. *hugs* I do understand her pov. I do not like feeling obligated to invite, just because someone is a neighbor (please do not take that the wrong way!). I do not choose my neighbors, and my children didn't choose our neighbors. Children's parties are generally about my children, and the day is to make THEIR day fun, kwim? The little girl across the street had a birthday party today. Frozen themed. All girls. Not that different from your neighbor's all baseball team get together. I wouldn't have expected that my boys would be invited, kwim? The dad did come over and ask if my boys would please take advantage of the ice cream truck they had hired, which was very kind. The neighbor to the left of us frequently has parties - only when it's a neighborhood party are we invited, and that's okay! All of our birthday parties ARE neighborhood parties/cook outs, so they're always invited to ours, but the circumstances are different - most of our friends are also our neighbors, as our children do not attend public school (like the other neighborhood children). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted June 8, 2014 Author Share Posted June 8, 2014 You all are so clear headed. And you're right: I'm just being a dork. Jean: I had the same idea and wanted to get out of the house, but the boys were glued to their video games. (Again, rare for them to get to play.) I think it was the two years in the relocation apts. that messed me up. There every kid in the vicinity got invited. It was just apt. culture. Living in a neighborhood has been an adjustment. I love my boys dearly but when they're adults and on their own it will be such a relief to only worry about my own social situation again!! Thanks everyone and, yes, it's hard w/ DH gone for so long. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2OandE Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I say this in all kindness. I would never expect to be invited to a party for their kids baseball team if my kids were not on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I'm ridiculously tense when my husband is away on business. :grouphug: You all are so clear headed. And you're right: I'm just being a dork. Jean: I had the same idea and wanted to get out of the house, but the boys were glued to their video games. (Again, rare for them to get to play.) I think it was the two years in the relocation apts. that messed me up. There every kid in the vicinity got invited. It was just apt. culture. Living in a neighborhood has been an adjustment. I love my boys dearly but when they're adults and on their own it will be such a relief to only worry about my own social situation again!! Thanks everyone and, yes, it's hard w/ DH gone for so long. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I have been on both sides of this issue, being the non-invited and the inviters. It can sting if you know your friends are having fun without you, but really if it is a logical exemption (i.e. not being on the ball team) then it is not like they didn't invite you. They just invited the team. On the other end, if I host a party I really can't be expected nor can I afford to invite the neighborhood. Sometimes it is just necessary to limit the guest list. It isn't personal. I wouldn't drop a friend for something so small. Now if I *always* invited and they *never* invited, they should no longer be your friends, because in fact they already are not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Alicia, I hope you can put your feet up tonight and do something special just for you. Let those boys have their video games but don't forget your own needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnificent_baby Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I completely understand how you feel. I have felt the same way before. Take a deep breath and remind yourself, it's a baseball gathering and your boys were not excluded purposely. Maybe take your kids somewhere special so you don't have to focus on it.Or watch a movie, close your blinds and snuggle your kids. ETA: My husband works a ton, so it is very difficult when you see people out whooping it up without you, and it begins to feel personal. I totally get it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Our neighbor girl who plays with dd6 had a birthday party w/o inviting my dd. It was for her school friends. Dd looked longingly at the princess dresses but that was all. I wouldn't want to have to invite the neighbor kids to say a Sunday School party I was hosting. It's just not that big of a deal in my book. I doubt it was done to hurt anyone's feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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