lulubelle Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 My husband is angry that I take care of the dog. I feel like I simply feed the dog, take the dog out for a walk in the morning and then in the evening to make sure he is well exercised and tired during our homeschool day. I walk him most mornings for about 45 minutes at the most and a bit less most nights. Some mornings and nights I just don't have it in me and am just tired. At first, we were going to share walking him, but my husband can't seem to get up to walk him on time - that is when he is whining to us from the kitchen, where he is gated in. Plus, he says he just needs to get into work and does not have the time. My husband will walk him from time to time, but he has told me it is a dog, just let him out the back yard and that is enough. He doesn't think I should get up to take the dog out if he is whining. I shouldn't be catering to him. So, since he is really not interested I've decided to make my walks with him my regular exercise and jog along with the dog. It's actually been great for me and I'm exercising more than I was. I also decided to just quit the gym and my husband was fine with that. It is money that can go toward feeding the dog. My dh has been angry when I get up to take the dog out in the morning. One morning he actually held me down in bed and refused to let me get up! I was quite upset. Dh just seems extremely jealous of the dog. The dog has really not interrupted any of our time together. Normally, I would get up early to go to the gym 2-3x a week and the other mornings I would usually sleep in. We might have had breakfast together maybe once a week. And, in the evening he is doing math with the kids when I head out to walk the dog. I am back for form the walk in time for us to talk and have breakfast a couple of time a week. My husband has some ocd and some asperger issues. I think he just prefers me to be around. He doesn't like my attention away from him. One other thing is that he is hyper paranoid that I'm becoming my mother. My mother has 3 dogs that are her life. She revolves around them. I really feel that I am far from that. My 3 kids love the dog. Really adore him. Our homeschooling days have really been much more positive with our dog. It's a joy to come home after activities and the kids are outside playing with the dog a ton. Dh just keeps getting more angry and mean toward me in general. We talk about it and get nowhere. Somehow he would be happy if I just ignored the dog. I just don't get what I can do here. I did make a counseling appointment in 2 weeks, but I've decided I don't want to talk to my husband because he is being so difficult and mean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 IMHO, this is a marriage issue not a dog issue. I think a trained professional would be a good place to seek input/direction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I agree. His behavior has crossed a line into needing professional help immediately. He should not be physically restraining you, not to mention the emotional control issues. I would go to individual counseling ASAP. Did you mention it has escalated into physical realm when you made the appointment? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Agreeing with those that say this is not really about the dog. Even if you got rid of the dog, there would likely be something else. Keep that counseling appointment and be sure to tell about the physical restraint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 He would not be happy if you got rid of the dog. Do not believe that for one second. It is odd to me that you do not see how odd your husband's behavior is, when everyone out here is reading your post with our mouths hanging open. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilma Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Not a dog issue. This sounds like a pretty serious marriage issue to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 If my husband held me down so I couldn't take care of our family dog....he might find himself sleeping elsewhere. NOT acceptable at all. Keep the appt and do not get rid of the dog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 There is a problem here and it is not you and not the dog. I would insist upon counseling and perhaps, other living arrangements until he could prove in good faith that he had his issues under control. This is not about you choosing the dog, it is about his need to control. Please get help and, I hate to say it, get safe, for you and your pet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I am going to agree with the others. Keep the dog, reevaluate the husband Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Agreeing with everyone else. If you rehome the dog there will be something else. Dh needs to get help for HIS problem, before your relationship is irretrievable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowing Brook Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I want to encourage you. If your dh decides not to go to counselling in two weeks please be prepared to go by yourself. You still need to talk to someone irl about these issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smudge Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Could it be that somehow he feels guilty about not doing dog stuff and somehow feels resentful that you are taking up the slack? Also, would it be possible to do a lunch time dog walk and call it PE class? But yeah, you both need some clarity into his actions/thoughts.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 You have a husband problem - not a dog problem. I think any time I spouse holds their partner down in bed, for anything other mutually desired tEa time, something is very wrong and it should be addressed right away! This kind of bullying should never be tolerated from a spouse. Seek some help, please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Please get help and, I hate to say it, get safe, for you and your pet. My first thought was to worry about whether the dog is safe. You aren't alone in thinking it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Honestly, I'd find a new home for the dog. I'd be afraid for the dog's safety. Then I'd find a new home for myself and my kids. I'd be afraid for our safety. Cause NO ONE has the right to hold me down against my will. No one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Physically restraining you goes so incredibly far beyond the lines of what is healthy or even ok. I wouldn't feel safe with someone who thought that that behaviour was alright. His cold responses about the dog are a little disturbing too. I hope you guys are able to find a good counselor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I could have liked every post in this thread after the original. This may be OCD but that doesn't make it safe for you. A family friend who is normally very very sweet and mild committed a horrible crime when triggered. You need to think about your own safety. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isabella Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I agree that I could 'like' every post in this thread. My husband is a 'recovering' OCPD, and this kind of behaviour is something I have seen in the past, but certainly not to the point of restraining me physically. I have had the coldness and jealousness towards objects of my time/attention, including our kids. None of these is acceptable, and most especially the physical restraint. I had counselling (my dh attended once or twice), but it was good for me to gain strength, and that has been the thing that has changed his behaviour more than anything. I just don't stand for it any more. I've become more confrontational, rather than just let things ride, or try to keep him happy. Now he is more aware of what's acceptable, because I've become more aware of it, and not standing for it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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