IsabelC Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 After a year of public school last year, this February I started in with homeschooling my Mr 10 again. We've gotten into a reasonably good rhythm, and I'm starting to make plans for the possibility of homeschooling all three kids next (calendar) year. Ms 5 is very keen to come home and I'm pretty confident that's the right thing for her, for lots of reasons. However, I'm very unsure what to do with Ms 8, who is adamant that she loves school and couldn't possibly be happy at home. Now, we are not going to give the children the final say on where they should be: if her father and I decide home would be better for this child, then she will be coming home whether she likes it or not. But I would really appreciate opinions on the validity of what she's telling me. We had a whole conversation about what she likes about school, with me explaining how we could possibly meet these needs at home, but in the end, she told me that I simply don't understand, because she is an extrovert and needs to be at school. She was quite upset: it turned out that she was under the impression that being extroverted was some kind of disability! (We are a very introvert family - if this kid hadn't been born at home I'd probably think she'd been swapped at birth.) After a bit of reassurance we talked some more about how I do understand that she needs more interaction with other people than her siblings do, and how this could work without her needing to be at school, but she's still very anxious about the idea of not going. I'm not convinced. Also, I'm concerned that her personality might make her increasingly vulnerable to peer group dependency / pressure the longer she stays in school. Thoughts please? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSmomof2 Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 My ds(11) is and extreme extrovert---while dd and I are much more introverts. He's been homeschooled all but one year of school (which was a bad experience for him, so he was happy to come home). However, I have gone way out of my own comfort zone to make sure his social needs are being met. We attend a weekly full-day co-op, and he has a class or activity every day where he is around other kids. I think my ds could also be easily and negatively influenced by peers, so I do like that I by homeschooling I can a little better choose and monitor who he's hanging out with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 After a year of public school last year, this February I started in with homeschooling my Mr 10 again. We've gotten into a reasonably good rhythm, and I'm starting to make plans for the possibility of homeschooling all three kids next (calendar) year. Ms 5 is very keen to come home and I'm pretty confident that's the right thing for her, for lots of reasons. However, I'm very unsure what to do with Ms 8, who is adamant that she loves school and couldn't possibly be happy at home. Now we are not going to give the children the final say on where they should be: if her father and I decide home would be better for this child, then she will be coming home whether she likes it or not. But I would really appreciate opinions on the validity of what she's telling me. We had a whole conversation about what she likes about school, with me explaining how we could possibly meet these needs at home, but in the end, she told me that I simply don't understand, because she is an extrovert and needs to be at school. She was quite upset: it turned out that she was under the impression that being extroverted was some kind of disability! (We are a very introvert family - if this kid hadn't been born at home I'd probably think she'd been swapped at birth.) After a bit of reassurance wee talked some more about how I do understand that she needs more interaction with other people than her siblings do, and how this could work without her needing to be at school, but she's still very anxious about the idea of not going. I'm not convinced. Also, I'm concerned that her personality might make her increasingly vulnerable to peer group dependency / pressure the longer she stays in school. Thoughts please? I feel your pain. Or, rather, my younger dd feels your dd's pain. :-) I think it's good for you to understand that the more your dd is in school, the more vulnerable she'll be to peer group dependency. Remember that this can happen if you become too involved with homeschool activities such as co-ops. Don't underestimate the importance and value of her interacting with her siblings on a daily basis. I think all of us are given the specific members of our families because God wants us to learn to get along with those kinds of personalities. :-) Activities which are not age segregated, and which have a great deal of adult supervision and interaction, will be better than having her involved in co-ops and "play dates" (sorry--that's a term that bugs me, lol). I'm thinking dance or sports--one kind of sports, not several--would be good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EndOfOrdinary Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 My son is extremely extroverted. The way we have pulled off homeschooling is to set up a few days a week when he knows that without a doubt he will be able to see people. Tuesday and Friday afternoon's he has a standing engagement playing MineCraft at the library with about nine other boys. Rain, shine, snow, tidal wave, apocalypse, whatever, we go. Friday and Sunday evenings are dollar days at the pool where we spend a couple hours. These are both activities that require almost no money, and are close-ish to our house. I have to drag my butt out the door, but other than that, he can rely on it. It helps him to realize that, much like school, he gets specific times to socialize. The second thing would be to explain there is a difference between socialize and socialization. In school, your daughter is learning socialization - to interact civilly in situations of mixed company while understanding social hierarchy. To socialize is actively being able to interact with friends. School does a lot of socialization, but not much actual socializing. Homeschool is just the flip of that - lots of interacting with friends, lots of socializing. It might help her see that there is a difference between being surrounded by friends and actually being able to hang out with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 My youngest is an extrovert and all the rest of us are introverts. Homeschooling her is definitely more of a challenge. She needs a LOT of interaction. She exhausts everyone else. When she was little, we used to pass her around and take turns so that one or two of us could recover from the barrage while one gave her the interaction she needed :lol: . Your daughter has a legitimate concern. In a family of introverts, finding enough interaction can be difficult. However, I don't think it is impossible. You are aware of her need and willing to work to meet it. You do need to realize that a day of co-op or an hour play date each day will not come close to meeting her needs. She will need a lot of your time and attention or interactions with her siblings. That said, I think your concern is also valid. My extrovert was the most influenced by peer pressure and the desire to fit in. In that way, she is the one I am most relieved to have brought home. For what it is worth, it was dd's decision to come home. We homeschooled ds the first year without her and she thought homeschool looked a lot more fun than ps. She did have concerns and I'm not sure she would make the same choice if she had it to do over again, but she doesn't choose to go back either. I think the decision is too big for an 8 year old, but I would hope to get her on board and not force her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 My DD12 went to a B&M school for 7th grade this past January. She is the most extroverted of my 4 kids. I really tried to meet her social needs but it clearly wasn't enough (I'm an introvert and a homebody.) Her reaction to a day that I thought was jam-packed with activities and outings and that left me exhausted was "But we didn't really do much today! You only took us to XYZ and that's it! Why can't we go to ABC later??" She's thriving now with group projects, orchestra, getting together with friends to "study" etc. As far as peer dependency - I have no problem telling her frankly and bluntly why a friend/group of friends/style of dress/fad/popular expression/etc. is acceptable or not. She's used to it. Tears have been shed, but she knows EXACTLY where we stand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I have two who are quite extroverted. They have never attended school. We find that their needs to interact with others is met by our family and through outside activities like co op once a week, volunteer work and church activities. My boys play in a competitive basketball league, and this provides many social opportunities for all of us, even little dd. The other players have siblings, too. :) I think my 8 year old would love many things about school. She's just never gone beyond preschool. ETA: I am also an extrovert so I talk and interact a lot with my two extroverts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Hobbes is an extrovert in an introvert family. He actually did fine at home until he was ten - his brother was enough company for him so long as he had lots of other activities: we were out almost every evening with scouts, karate, chess club, etc. Once we decided that it was a good time for Calvin to go to school, it was very clear to us that Hobbes should too - he would not have been happy at home on his own, even with evening activities continuing. L Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrissySC Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 There is nothing wrong with her going to public school. If she is getting what she needs academically, then there is not a problem. Your assumption that her being social makes her vulnerable to peer pressure is wrong. However, if you feel that she shows tendencies to follow her peers regardless of the appropriate response or behavior, then you need to address this in this situation. It will only be worse the older that she gets. She could just as easily be swayed to wrong or inappropriate behaviors through social connections, e.g. Facebook, Kick, et cetera, that are not as direct as friends met in school each day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I have one introvert and one extrovert and they are twins! It's a constant balancing act for us. My extrovert was 8 when we started homeschooling and it was hard for her at first. We joined a few groups and had regular "get togethers" (for Ellie ;) ) with friends. She would be with other people- talking to other people, all day long if she could. The turning point for her was when she started identifying as a homeschooler. When she realized all the things she couldn't do if she went back to school, she stopped idealizing it. It's taken a lot of time and effort, but we've lived in three different states and have always figured out a way to create a social life in which she thrives. She tried her first online class this year through Athena's and loved it, especially the message boards. That was nice because her sister could read in the other room. We have also participated in several park groups (the absolutely best way to socialize, for us- lots of freedom and creativity), homeschool classes in the community, and sports teams. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 My younger dd is an extrovert as well. Like Laura said above, it was fine when my kid were younger. (Only two) My son would play with her all day and they had a blast. However, now that he has hit 12 and also has a very serious time consuming hobby/career commitment (programming), he plays with her a lot less. She is fine, but that's because I try to play a board game with her every day and take her for a walk every day. I try to do 3 fun things with her every day which are non school related and about once a week I ask my ds to play with her. I also have to be proactive in getting out of the house. So she has piano, 3 days of swim lessons, and a play date every other Thursday. I am trying to add another weekly play date. But since you have 3 kids, this should be less of an issue because she will have two people to bounce off of. I don't think that you should not homeschool because someone is an extrovert. But you MUST plan for it. You should plan to have her at two outside the house activities such as a sport (gymnastics, dance and martial arts are usually very good for not needing to go in separate directions. Swimming is good too but less social) and one lesson of some sort (art class, music, piano) and then also try to schedule one play date per week. So, if you can get her out of the house about 3 days per week, plus one playdate at your house, and 2 siblings to bounce off of, she should be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 You just have to be proactive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 You may all be pleasantly surprised. We pulled my DD out of public school at the end of fifth grade, and of all the challenges I expected, I thought for sure she would have trouble not having her "herd" nearby. My DD is an extreme extrovert; spends her days running for mayor around the neighborhood, LOL! But here's what I learned: Extreme extroverts don't need a herd because they create their own dang herd no matter where they go. My DD just can easily walk up to someone and start chatting them up, and pretty soon, she has a new friend. Who needs a herd when you're like that? Just make sure she has some peers her own age to interact with, and she should be fine. We are out of the house for 2 co-ops, 2x/week, and DD has Girl Scouts and church youth activities also. It keeps her busy and happy. DS is being pulled out next year to homeschool; he's an introvert, and now I am worried about him because he isn't so great at creating his own herd. After a year of public school last year, this February I started in with homeschooling my Mr 10 again. We've gotten into a reasonably good rhythm, and I'm starting to make plans for the possibility of homeschooling all three kids next (calendar) year. Ms 5 is very keen to come home and I'm pretty confident that's the right thing for her, for lots of reasons. However, I'm very unsure what to do with Ms 8, who is adamant that she loves school and couldn't possibly be happy at home. Now, we are not going to give the children the final say on where they should be: if her father and I decide home would be better for this child, then she will be coming home whether she likes it or not. But I would really appreciate opinions on the validity of what she's telling me. We had a whole conversation about what she likes about school, with me explaining how we could possibly meet these needs at home, but in the end, she told me that I simply don't understand, because she is an extrovert and needs to be at school. She was quite upset: it turned out that she was under the impression that being extroverted was some kind of disability! (We are a very introvert family - if this kid hadn't been born at home I'd probably think she'd been swapped at birth.) After a bit of reassurance we talked some more about how I do understand that she needs more interaction with other people than her siblings do, and how this could work without her needing to be at school, but she's still very anxious about the idea of not going. I'm not convinced. Also, I'm concerned that her personality might make her increasingly vulnerable to peer group dependency / pressure the longer she stays in school. Thoughts please? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CardinalAlt Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I can never decide if my DD is extroverted or not. When she's at home too long, she longs for people. When she goes to an all-week, 9-3ish church day camp, she's exhausted and so done with people. So we've hit a balance with activities MWF afternoons (karate, PE, art, once a week church supervised play group) that aren't a huge drain on this introverted mama, and a "relief pitcher" (aka babysitter who's been with us several years) who comes each T/Th afternoon while I work and just has lots of fun, fresh energy to interact, play and do crafty projects. I don't know what's right for your family, but the solution should work for both of you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 But since you have 3 kids, this should be less of an issue because she will have two people to bounce off of. I don't think that you should not homeschool because someone is an extrovert. But you MUST plan for it. One of my kid drive the other kid to tears to the extent that I had to make the effort to split them up for every outside class they go to or request teachers to put them in separate groups. Sometimes too much of sibling together time can be a nightmare :( I agree with having to plan and also to budget for it. Hubby and I did expect the problem and had plans for it but we didn't come up with an actual budget for it which leads to lots of arguments. My kids are neither extroverts nor introverts. They need peer interaction for their emotional wellbeing but they do not actively seek it. They also need time away from each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Have you tried sitting down with her and talking about the exact amount of time she was interacting with people on her terms? (Not talking about "group projects") She may be spending less than an hour or two per day actually hanging out with friends. Perhaps you can make a chart talking about how many hours she will be able to spend with other people while hsing. She needs to know that you place importance on her social needs. She needs to see you making the effort to get out. Kids can forgive a lot when they see that you are trying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 If you have lots of great options this summer for her to interact with peers in your local homeschooling community, I say get her involved as quickly as possible. And get her into some longer term activities where she can meet others. Invite them over to your house. Get to know the families even if this is out of your comfort zone. She may be more amenable to a choice to homeschool if she can see for herself what is out there. Just talking about it may not help a child to really "see" it for themselves. And if you are willing to keep it as an option to go back if homeschooling doesn't work out that might help, too. But I would let her know you are committed to homeschooling for the year so she has time to get used to it and doesn't push you to put her back in just because she (or you) is having a bad day. If you don't have a lot of great options for social interaction, then maybe, at least for now, brick and mortar may be better. In our area, sadly, there are few homeschoolers. DS is an extrovert by nature but has not found a good peer group since coming home from brick and mortar 2 years ago. It is lonely for him and I worry. For an extrovert, being isolated from lots of social interaction can be damaging. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Since she is 8, I would tell her that she will be hsing w/her siblings next year, and that you will make finding friends in the hs community a priority. If she was 12 or 13, my recommendation would be different. I am guessing she hasn't hsed before. She can't know what it will be like if she doesn't experience it. You can reevaluate in a year. Be understanding, but be excited about your/her new adventure. ETA: I reread. It looks like she had been hs'd prior to this year? Hmmm, I have to think about this a little more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 In our area, sadly, there are few homeschoolers. DS is an extrovert by nature but has not found a good peer group since coming home from brick and mortar 2 years ago. It is lonely for him and I worry. For an extrovert, being isolated from lots of social interaction can be damaging. I would agree with that as well. There are always challenges. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted May 17, 2014 Author Share Posted May 17, 2014 Hi, just popping back into this thread to say thanks to all who replied. I appreciate your thoughts, and am reading and digesting them, although we haven't made a final decision yet (we have plenty of time, as we are on school year = calendar year so we don't need to have next year's plans firm until December). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sagira Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I can never decide if my DD is extroverted or not. When she's at home too long, she longs for people. When she goes to an all-week, 9-3ish church day camp, she's exhausted and so done with people. So we've hit a balance with activities MWF afternoons (karate, PE, art, once a week church supervised play group) that aren't a huge drain on this introverted mama, and a "relief pitcher" (aka babysitter who's been with us several years) who comes each T/Th afternoon while I work and just has lots of fun, fresh energy to interact, play and do crafty projects. I don't know what's right for your family, but the solution should work for both of you! I'm like your dd. I get energy from people and I like it, but I need balance and I do also get ebert (feel recharged) after a break from people. Balance is the key. My ds is an extrovert who has a hard time being alone - finally convinced him that reading is making friends with characters - and he's in swimming 3x a week, taekwondo 2x a week. In winter he starts basketball where he's on a team. I try to get him there a bit earlier and have him stay later so gets a chance to socialize. That said, I think he would benefit from Boy Scouts for many reasons, including socializing and working as a team on something together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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