WWYD: Party Bus

[MinivanMom]

On Saturday afternoon, we encountered what I can only describe as a "party bus". Dh and I were driving up a main thoroughfare (with just our 2 oldest kids in the backseat) when we saw an unmarked black bus ahead of us. It was filled with bare-chested college-age boys who were leaning out the windows trying to offer passing cars cans of (what looked like) beer. They had gotten a passing car of teenage girls to roll down their window and reach to take the can, but eventually the car dropped back behind the bus.

 

Once we got closer to the bus, we could see that they were actually offering soda cans, but these soda cans were clearly chosen for their coloring, which closely resembled a popular brand of beer. The boys were leaning dangerously far out the windows of the bus yelling at passing cars, trying to get folks to roll down their car windows to take the cans, and openly drinking in a way that seemed attention-seeking. There were a few girls on the bus, and as we passed, one of the guys had a girl pushed up against the window simulating a s*x act. I'm pretty sure they were just simulating it, because she was laughing and turned to look out the bus window to see if any of the passing cars were witnessing it. I don't think she could have twisted that way if they were actually performing the act in question (unless the girl was extraordinarily flexible). Based on the bus's location and trajectory it could have been coming from the big state university or headed toward a certain elite private university. Although the young men were not clothed beyond shorts (at least I hope they were all wearing shorts), their hair was cut and styled in a way that is stereotypical of rich, frat boys in this area.

 

What would you have done? Dh dared me to call 911, but it wasn't clear what law (if any) they were breaking. By the time we had discussed it at length, we had outstripped them and wound up doing nothing. Dh thinks we did the right thing by not calling, because they clearly were trying to make it appear that they were doing illegal things they weren't doing. He thinks they desperately wanted attention, and we would just have been rewarding them with a great story to share on social media if they had gotten pulled over and released. What do you think?

[Cera]

I concur with your dh's assessment of the situation.

 

Young and dumb is not a crime (though I often wish it was).

[hillfarm]

I would have called. They intentionally tried to distract other motorists and could have easily caused an accident. There are probably also some laws about hanging out of vehicles (or the driver allowing passengers to hang out). And possibly, seat belt laws might come into play.

 

Young and dumb is not a crime, but causing a carload of teen girls in front of my car to wreck and possibly endanger me and my family is inexcusable in my book. So I would have categorized it as a potential crime and called the law. Your right to party does not justify endangering my safety.

[ThisIsTheDay]

I would have avoided them because they were stupid. I wouldn't have called anyone. At least they had a driver.

[poppy]

But they were doing illegal things. You are not allowed to pass objects between two moving vehicles.

 

If this was all in start and stop traffic and the can passing was between stopped vehicles I would have rolled my eyes and ignored them.

[Joanne]

 

 

Once we got closer to the bus, we could see that they were actually offering soda cans, but these soda cans were clearly chosen for their coloring, which closely resembled a popular brand of beer. The boys were leaning dangerously far out the windows of the bus yelling at passing cars, trying to get folks to roll down their car windows to take the cans, and openly drinking in a way that seemed attention-seeking. There were a few girls on the bus, and as we passed, one of the guys had a girl pushed up against the window simulating a s*x act. I'm pretty sure they were just simulating it, because she was laughing and turned to look out the bus window to see if any of the passing cars were witnessing it. I don't think she could have twisted that way if they were actually performing the act in question (unless the girl was extraordinarily flexible). Based on the bus's location and trajectory it could have been coming from the big state university or headed toward a certain elite private university. Although the young men were not clothed beyond shorts (at least I hope they were all wearing shorts), their hair was cut and styled in a way that is stereotypical of rich, frat boys in this area.

 

What would you have done? Dh dared me to call 911, but it wasn't clear what law (if any) they were breaking. By the time we had discussed it at length, we had outstripped them and wound up doing nothing. Dh thinks we did the right thing by not calling, because they clearly were trying to make it appear that they were doing illegal things they weren't doing. He thinks they desperately wanted attention, and we would just have been rewarding them with a great story to share on social media if they had gotten pulled over and released. What do you think?

 

You are assigning quite a bit of motive (bold). And judgment (italics).

 

You asked what I would do in that situation? Nothing official. I'd talk to my own kids about the distracting and unsafe for other drivers behavior. That's about it.

 

Groups of under supervised and under coached late teens tend to act like their age. ;) What you describe is immature and annoying; right on schedule.

 

Now, if I were an adult chaperone on the bus, I would have intervened. But as a stranger and not involved? Not a thing.

[Crimson Wife]

I was in a sorority and my DH was in a fraternity so I've ridden on my share of party buses. But I *NEVER* witnessed anything like you mentioned about passing objects to other cars. I would've called the highway patrol and reported it if I were in the passenger seat.

 

Drinking yourself stupid on a bus does not endanger anyone else on the road. The partier might wind up with alcohol poisoning but no one else would get harmed.

[MinivanMom]

You're right; I am definitely assigning motive. I think if you could have seen them in action you wouldn't think I was making so many assumptions. We were within sight of the bus for about 5 miles, and there were 5 young men hanging out the window waving cans around and yelling to folks in neighboring vehicles at all times. This was on a large thoroughfare that is normally stop-and-go, but was moving pretty steadily on a Sat afternoon (maybe 45-60 mph w/stops for red-lights).

 

We discussed calling police as we first approached. The teen girls in the neighboring car had rolled down their window and were reaching up, trying to take an open can from them. It looked like a dangerous situation for both them and surrounding drivers. Then the teen driving the car rolled up the windows and dropped back behind the bus. After that cars were clearly trying to avoid driving up alongside the bus and nobody was taking the bait, so it no longer looked like a potentially illegal situation - just kids acting stupid. We drove behind for about a mile or two, passed them, and then were driving just ahead of them for about 4 miles before we sped up and lost sight of them.

 

We did have a very interesting conversation with our 8 and 10-yr old about unsafe driving. My 10-yr-old was very upset at the idea that the bus might be headed to our local elite, private university, which she loves and hopes to attend. She said she didn't want to go to a college where the boys acted like that. I assured her that every college has kids who act stupid, which opened up an even more interesting discussion.

[Crimson Wife]

My 10-yr-old was very upset at the idea that the bus might be headed to our local elite, private university, which she loves and hopes to attend. She said she didn't want to go to a college where the boys acted like that. I assured her that every college has kids who act stupid, which opened up an even more interesting discussion.

Yep. The Atlantic had a recent article on fraternities and in it, there was a mention of couches on frat house roofs. My DH's frat used to do that, though he and I both had enough sense to refuse to go out there. I was over at the house one evening and there was a mild earthquake. Our first assumption was that the rumbling and shaking was from the couch falling off the roof and we better go check to make sure everyone was ok. Luckily that never actually happened while we were there, but can you imagine if it had and someone had gotten seriously injured or killed?

 

Just because someone has high SAT scores and good GPA does NOT mean that he/she won't do something dumb.

[Reefgazer]

I wouldn't have done a thing.  Tasteless, rowdy teens are neither new or illegal.

[gingersmom]

I would have called.

 

Last year there was a party bus full of teenagers and one of them was hanging out a roof opening. His head hit something and he died.

 

I'm sure his parents would have appreciated someone calling to report his behavior.

[Delighted3]

Drinking yourself stupid on a bus does not endanger anyone else on the road. The partier might wind up with alcohol poisoning but no one else would get harmed.

 

Last year, in the city where I live, a woman fell out the emergency door of a party bus while they were driving down the interstate and was run over several times and killed in front of all her friends. It was a bachelorette party.  I wish party busses were illegal and that the above behavior described by the OP was illegal.

JMO,

Joy

[poppy]

Yep. The Atlantic had a recent article on fraternities and in it, there was a mention of couches on frat house roofs. My DH's frat used to do that, though he and I both had enough sense to refuse to go out there. I was over at the house one evening and there was a mild earthquake. Our first assumption was that the rumbling and shaking was from the couch falling off the roof and we better go check to make sure everyone was ok. Luckily that never actually happened while we were there, but can you imagine if it had and someone had gotten seriously injured or killed?

 

Just because someone has high SAT scores and good GPA does NOT mean that he/she won't do something dumb.

 

I think I must be missing something. Why are the couches bad?

 

'

[MinivanMom]

I would have called.

 

Last year there was a party bus full of teenagers and one of them was hanging out a roof opening. His head hit something and he died.

 

I'm sure his parents would have appreciated someone calling to report his behavior.

 

That's heartbreaking.

[elfgivas]

I would have called.

 

Last year there was a party bus full of teenagers and one of them was hanging out a roof opening. His head hit something and he died.

 

I'm sure his parents would have appreciated someone calling to report his behavior.

 

for me, this is really helpful.

 

if one of my dc were on the bus, what would i want another parent to do?

 

and for me, that would definitely be "call".

 

fwiw,

ann

 

in part, this comes from a deep sense that we are failing one another when we try to pretend that it has nothing to do with us.  it really does take a village to raise a child, and we need to be that village.

[Tammi K]

I'm sure his parents would have appreciated someone calling to report his behavior.

 

However, if these 'children' are over 18, their parents may never know the police were called. So, I'm not sure reporting it is going to change anything in this regard.

 

[gingersmom]

However, if these 'children' are over 18, their parents may never know the police were called. So, I'm not sure reporting it is going to change anything in this regard.

 

Who cares if their parents know. 

 

If it saves a life it is worth it. 

[Joanne]

Who cares if their parents know. 

 

If it saves a life it is worth it. 

 

I wonder if we'd be having this conversation if the party bus where full of 25 to 35 year olds?

 

The people on the bus were *adults*, legally.

[OneStepAtATime]

Although I wasn't there and I don't know for certain, I think I would have called because of the potential road hazard they were creating. The goofy behavior, well...they are adults.  But risking the lives of others on the road, even though I doubt they were really aware that they were... I think I very much would want the cops to get involved and hopefully get them to stop.  I wouldn't care if they were 105, I have had too many friends and relatives killed in stupid car accidents caused by irresponsible behavior, mostly from the other driver.  It just takes a second for things to go terribly wrong, no matter who you are.  

[In The Great White North]

 

 

You are not allowed to pass objects between two moving vehicles.

 

Do you have a source for this?  I've never heard it and Google came up dry.

[Guest submarines]

I would have called. They intentionally tried to distract other motorists and could have easily caused an accident. There are probably also some laws about hanging out of vehicles (or the driver allowing passengers to hang out). And possibly, seat belt laws might come into play.

 

Young and dumb is not a crime, but causing a carload of teen girls in front of my car to wreck and possibly endanger me and my family is inexcusable in my book. So I would have categorized it as a potential crime and called the law. Your right to party does not justify endangering my safety.

 

:iagree:

[Guest submarines]

You are assigning quite a bit of motive (bold). And judgment (italics).

 

You asked what I would do in that situation? Nothing official. I'd talk to my own kids about the distracting and unsafe for other drivers behavior. That's about it.

 

Groups of under supervised and under coached late teens tend to act like their age. ;) What you describe is immature and annoying; right on schedule.

 

Now, if I were an adult chaperone on the bus, I would have intervened. But as a stranger and not involved? Not a thing.

 

:confused1:

 

It is not just unsupervised teens or young adults acting "immature and annoying right on schedule."

 

They are disrupting traffic and putting other people in danger.

[hillfarm]

I wonder if we'd be having this conversation if the party bus where full of 25 to 35 year olds?

 

The people on the bus were *adults*, legally.

 

 

Maybe not as many chiming in, but I would still call. Just as I did when I saw a late 40's woman and her passenger drive on a highway exit ramp heading the wrong way onto the highway (traveling south on the northbound side). I was on my way out of town and didn't find out what (if anything) happened in that instance, but just a week later, someone else in another state drove on a highway going the wrong way and caused a multicar crash that injured a lot of people and killed 6.

 

I have no age cutoff regarding trying to get bad or dangerous drivers/vehicles off the roads. I wouldn't care if the party bus was full of toddlers, teens, college students, 25 - 25yo's, 40yo's or seniors. IMO, none of them has any automatic right to operate or cause a vehicle to be operated in an unsafe manner. The roads belong to all of us and I expect myself and others to use them as safely and considerately as possible.

[gingersmom]

I wonder if we'd be having this conversation if the party bus where full of 25 to 35 year olds?

 

The people on the bus were *adults*, legally.

They could be 100 years old and I would still call 911.

 

What if an adult appears to be a drunk driver and is in danger of causing an accident or worse. You wouldn't call because they are an adult?

[Guest submarines]

I wonder if we'd be having this conversation if the party bus where full of 25 to 35 year olds?

 

The people on the bus were *adults*, legally.

 

A group of people endangering the safety of others on a highway and are very likely to cause an accident. How does their age matter, exactly?

[EmilyGF]

When I was 18, my mom was driving the car while I had my feet out the window. 

 

A police officer pulled her over, told me to put my feet in the car, and lectured me on the danger of putting body parts out of moving vehicles.

 

I think they were breaking laws.

[Joanne]

A group of people endangering the safety of others on a highway and are very likely to cause an accident. How does their age matter, exactly?

 

My response was to a post about "parents wanting someone to call."

[Joanne]

They could be 100 years old and I would still call 911.

 

What if an adult appears to be a drunk driver and is in danger of causing an accident or worse. You wouldn't call because they are an adult?

 

The OP described immature, animated behavior. The OP also described a fair amount of judgment and assumption about the young people. While I am not in support of or defending the behavior (and I said if I were on the bus, I'd intervene), the behavior of passengers is not the same as a drunk DRIVER.

[Joanne]

A group of people endangering the safety of others on a highway and are very likely to cause an accident. How does their age matter, exactly?

 

Age matters in the discussion due to the details in the OP and the content of the thread.

 

The OP said nothing about a highway.

[Joanne]

Maybe not as many chiming in, but I would still call. Just as I did when I saw a late 40's woman and her passenger drive on a highway exit ramp heading the wrong way onto the highway (traveling south on the northbound side). I was on my way out of town and didn't find out what (if anything) happened in that instance, but just a week later, someone else in another state drove on a highway going the wrong way and caused a multicar crash that injured a lot of people and killed 6.

 

I have no age cutoff regarding trying to get bad or dangerous drivers/vehicles off the roads. I wouldn't care if the party bus was full of toddlers, teens, college students, 25 - 25yo's, 40yo's or seniors. IMO, none of them has any automatic right to operate or cause a vehicle to be operated in an unsafe manner. The roads belong to all of us and I expect myself and others to use them as safely and considerately as possible.

 

I tell my own teens and those I am close to or responsible for to always remember they are "driving a deadly weapon." I take road behavior - and with it attitude - very seriously.

 

I am not defending the behavior of the party bus - I find it annoying, immature, and obnoxious and potentially unsafe.

[MinivanMom]

I wonder if we'd be having this conversation if the party bus where full of 25 to 35 year olds?

 

The people on the bus were *adults*, legally.

 

If it was just a party bus full of drunk kids, then I don't think we would have even considered calling 911.

 

The issue was that young men were hanging out the bus window trying to pass a can to a teenage girl (who was hanging out the car window) while both cars moved at about 40 mph on a busy street. I do think that's a pretty dangerous situation for all the teens involved and the surrounding drivers, regardless of age. It would have be just as dangerous if it had been two cars of 40-something women headed home from moms-night-out trying to pass something between moving vehicles.

 

Once the car of teenage girls dropped back behind the bus and no other cars would engage, the situation became less clearly dangerous. That's why I hesitated to call the police. I actually dialed 911 on my phone, but then didn't hit send while dh and I discussed the situation at length. I do think dh and I would have had the same discussion if we had witnessed older people acting this way.

[Barb_]

My response was to a post about "parents wanting someone to call."

I don't think it necessarily relevant but yes, I think my mom would be very grateful if someone called to report me driving in a reckless manner.

 

Joanne, we've had this discussion before and I know you don't agree, but your child doesn't stop being your child simply because he turns 18. You still worry and to a certain extent, you still parent. When my second daughter was 19, I called her roommate (had her # in case of emergency) and asked her to figure out a way to get her to urgent care. Daughter was refusing to go, but I could tell by her voice and manner she was seriously ill. Turns out she had bacterial pneumonia and was sick enough that the doctor called her the following day from her vacation to check in and make sure the antibiotics were working.

 

Young adults between the ages of 18-22 or so are in a particularly dangerous zone. Their brains are still heavily pruning themselves and their judgement can be seriously sketchy, but as legal adults they can screw up their lives in a spectacular manner or even kill themselves. There is a wide range of ages where you can look at a child-man or child-woman and say, "yes, they are grown up now. I can breathe a little easier."

[Barb_]

The OP described immature, animated behavior. The OP also described a fair amount of judgment and assumption about the young people. While I am not in support of or defending the behavior (and I said if I were on the bus, I'd intervene), the behavior of passengers is not the same as a drunk DRIVER.

If I were driving down the road and saw someone skateboarding or biking tied to a vehicle, I would call. Standing through the sunroof of a moving car? Yep, and I wouldn't even stop to ask her age. A high schooler was thrown from the bed of a pickup and killed last year because the driver, realizing he was jumping up and down in the back, stopped short, and caused the jumper to lose his balance. I don't remember if the kid was over 18 or not, and again, I don't think it's relevant. I'm sure his parents wished someone had seen them horsing around and called the police.

[Joanne]

I don't think it necessarily relevant but yes, I think my mom would be very grateful if someone called to report me driving in a reckless manner.

 

Joanne, we've had this discussion before and I know you don't agree, but your child doesn't stop being your child simply because he turns 18. You still worry and to a certain extent, you still parent. When my second daughter was 19, I called her roommate (had her # in case of emergency) and asked her to figure out a way to get her to urgent care. Daughter was refusing to go, but I could tell by her voice and manner she was seriously ill. Turns out she had bacterial pneumonia and was sick enough that the doctor called her the following day from her vacation to check in and make sure the antibiotics were working.

 

Young adults between the ages of 18-22 or so are in a particularly dangerous zone. Their brains are still heavily pruning themselves and their judgement can be seriously sketchy, but as legal adults they can screw up their lives in a spectacular manner or even kill themselves. There is a wide range of ages where you can look at a child-man or child-woman and say, "yes, they are grown up now. I can breathe a little easier."

 

I have a "child" in that age range, and I am familiar with the biology of brain development.

 

I think you might be making some very erroneous assumptions about what parenting looks like in my home once they reach legal adult age.

[Joanne]

If I were driving down the road and saw someone skateboarding or biking tied to a vehicle, I would call. Standing through the sunroof of a moving car? Yep, and I wouldn't even stop to ask her age. A high schooler was thrown from the bed of a pickup and killed last year because the driver, realizing he was jumping up and down in the back, stopped short, and caused the jumper to lose his balance. I don't remember if the kid was over 18 or not, and again, I don't think it's relevant. I'm sure his parents wished someone had seen them horsing around and called the police.

 

I live in Texas, where people in the back of a pick up is very common. Bless their hearts. My own son got a concussion as a result of that, and the relaxed and casual attitude here regarding it. (I was not present and "they" did not tell me because they knew I'd be livid.)

 

The skateboarder is different than the OP are not easily comparable to the OP. I would call.

 

I would not call about the sunroof person, but I agree it is stupid and dangerous for the person and distracting for others, including drivers.

[Barb_]

I have a "child" in that age range, and I am familiar with the biology of brain development.

 

I think you might be making some very erroneous assumptions about what parenting looks like in my home once they reach legal adult age.

I know you are familiar with brain development, which is why I can't wrap my mind around some of your comments. No, I wasn't referring to how you parent your own grown children. I'm referring to the comment that we wouldn't be having this discussion if the "adults" in question were older. I disagree.

[Barb_]

I live in Texas, where people in the back of a pick up is very common. Bless their hearts. My own son got a concussion as a result of that, and the relaxed and casual attitude here regarding it. (I was not present and "they" did not tell me because they knew I'd be livid.)

 

The skateboarder is different than the OP are not easily comparable to the OP. I would call.

 

I would not call about the sunroof person, but I agree it is stupid and dangerous for the person and distracting for others, including drivers.

Why not?

 

Eta: not to be flippant but if it's stupid and obviously dangerous and distracting why not report it? I think this really digs down to the heart of the op.

[sassenach]

The last time dh had a party bus in front of him, it was full of flashing girls. So at least the boys kept their clothes on. I would not have called it in.

[Joanne]

I know you are familiar with brain development, which is why I can't wrap my mind around some of your comments. No, I wasn't referring to how you parent your own grown children. I'm referring to the comment that we wouldn't be having this discussion if the "adults" in question were older. I disagree.

 

Based on the commentary of the OP, I think this is an age specific thread and evaluation. I don 't think we are being honest in admitting that we are talking about unsafe behavior AND standards of behavior applied to college students. I think it is more than what is being said.

 

It's less likely a group of older adults would behave quite like the description anyway.

[Joanne]

Why not?

 

Eta: not to be flippant but if it's stupid and obviously dangerous and distracting why not report it? I think this really digs down to the heart of the op.

 

I disagree about the heart of the content of the OP, but I agree the *alarming* issue is the danger due to distraction of other vehicles on the road.

 

It simply does not meet the criteria of calling.

 

The OP was full of "it looked like beer", "they were trying to make it look like beer", and commentary about hair and dress style.

[Barb_]

Based on the commentary of the OP, I think this is an age specific thread and evaluation. I don 't think we are being honest in admitting that we are talking about unsafe behavior AND standards of behavior applied to college students. I think it is more than what is being said.

 

It's less likely a group of older adults would behave quite like the description anyway.

The last part is almost certainly true.

 

So are you saying you think maybe the op was more alert to and may even be exaggerating the incident because of the age of the participants? I think I know what you mean, but I chose to ignore the description of the (fairly typically) obnoxious behavior and internally responded based on how dangerous the situation seemed to be. As I think most others did. If the hanging out the window and holding up traffic element was missing, I would have just rolled my eyes and moved on.

[Barb_]

I disagree about the heart of the content of the OP, but I agree the *alarming* issue is the danger due to distraction of other vehicles on the road.

 

It simply does not meet the criteria of calling.

 

The OP was full of "it looked like beer", "they were trying to make it look like beer", and commentary about hair and dress style.

Ok, I think I see where you are going with that. My eyes just skimmed that part and zeroed in on the other part. My criteria may be a little twitcher than yours :p

[Tammi K]

My response was to a post about "parents wanting someone to call."

 

Mine too! Thanks for saying so, Joanne. I got the feeling a lot of the 'I would report an adult' posts were aimed our way and my intention was the same as yours.

[MinivanMom]

Just to be clear, I included the details about the cans to explain why dh thought they were seeking attention. His read on the situation was that the boys wanted someone to call 911 on them. I read it as a dangerous situation in the moment where the kids wouldn't want to get into trouble, while he thought they were deliberately seeking to be pulled over.

[Barb_]

Just to be clear, I included the details about the cans to explain why dh thought they were seeking attention. His read on the situation was that the boys wanted someone to call 911 on them. I read it as a dangerous situation in the moment where the kids wouldn't want to get into trouble, while he thought they were deliberately seeking to be pulled over.

I think that's reasonable, although I think the extra information may have accidentally muddied the point.

[Crimson Wife]

I think I must be missing something. Why are the couches bad?

Do you think it's smart to put a couch up on a sloped roof of a 3 story building? It is this house, although that isn't my DH's frat (they got kicked out for alcohol violations): https://studentaffairs.stanford.edu/resed/profiles/fsl/phi-kappa-psi