Moms of teens with food allergies

[mommytobees]

::delurking::

 

Morning!

 

Okay, so I have a question and I'm hoping some of you might be able to give me some input.

 

Background info:  My kids (almost 13 & 16) are set to go and visit their dad for his "Parenting time" for most of the month of June.  Both kids have some severe food allergies, both life annoying (severe diarrhea or hives)  and life threatening (anaphylaxis).  We've been dealing with these allergies for the past 12-14 years.  NONE of these allergies are new.  Plus, just to add complications to the whole mix, both kids have food aversions to texture and taste. My XH has a new live-in girlfriend.  She is a vegetarian.  So, now he is too.  He has told me that he expects the kids to eat what they eat; I've told him that he isn't going to be very successful and the kids will not like it.  

 

So, my 12-almost-13 year old daughter comes to me yesterday and says, "Daddy wants me to provide him with a list of our food allergies so he knows what he can't cook for us."  She was VERY VERY VERY uncomfortable with this.  I talked her down and told her not to worry about it, I would take care of this with her dad.

 

My questions are:

 

Should my 13-year old daughter and 16-year old son be responsible for their own food allergies?  My kids are very picky eaters, a lot of that having to do with their food allergies and aversions.  When they eat at other people's houses, we (the parents) discuss food options and meals ahead of time.  Yes, this is annoying to be doing with a 16-year old, but such is life.  That is what you do when you have life threatening allergies.  I've shrugged it off for years and no one has ever had a problem with me butting my nose into it.

 

Is it appropriate for my XH to be going through our 12-almost-13-year old daughter for this information?  I *really* want to call him up and chew his head off, but I know that isn't the most diplomatic way to handle this issue.  I am of the opinion that this is a PARENTAL issue and should be handled by the PARENTS.  I am trying to even touch the issue that he doesn't KNOW what the allergies are in the first place; I figure that wouldn't help the situation.

 

Thoughts?

 

Thanks in advance for anyone who has any advice!!
 

Kris

 

 

[Snickerdoodle]

By 12/13 a kid should know what his/her allergies are and I think it's reasonable for her to discuss this with her dad.    If she is picky too, that's ok.    At some point they need to take personal responsibility for their nutritive needs.

 

I always tell my son that it doesn't really serve him well to be picky while also having food allergies.

 

<hugs>

 

It is very hard.

[almondbutterandjelly]

I don't think it is inappropriate for an adult to ask a 13 year old for a list of their food allergies, especially a clearly clueless adult.  I think you are upset about it because it is your ex who is asking.

 

That said, you will need to get with him or the girlfriend (who is the more responsible?) and coordinate food needs.  You might also want to send some food with your kids.  Above all, their safety matters.  If you know of some restaurants nearby or a grocery store where the kids could get safe food if need be, you might prepare your kids for that possibility.  Send a credit card with them.

 

Hugs.  They are old enough to deal with this.  They will have to be vigilant, but they are old enough to do so.  Maybe your 16 year old could be an extra look out for your 13 year old, too.

[Starr]

I had six year olds in school telling me, the nurse, what they couldn't eat. Their parents taught them to read labels early on. At least he's asking the girls and not just putting food in front of them. I know it's hard.  :grouphug: If they let him know some of their favorites it might be helpful.

[Ravin]

I would send him an email with a detailed list of both kids' allergies and current medications, plus Dr. #s.

At your kids' ages, it seems to me it is appropriate for them to take charge of their allergy management when guests somewhere. But in their father's home they are NOT guests. He should communicate with you and their doctors to get up to speed.

I suggest an email because it's in writing and gives him a good reference.

[Karen in CO]

Both of my girls with food allergies know their allergies and know to read labels and know about cross contamination.  It is too important for them to not be their own advocates.  Having said that, I would send a detailed, laminated list with each child along with instructions on what to do in case of exposure and how and when to use the medications.  I'd also send the trainer epi-pen along with the training DVD if you still have it.  

[Loowit]

My DS knows his allergies and is starting to be able to read labels.  He advocates for himself when people offer him food.  I think it is great that your XH is asking ahead and planning for their visit, and I think that having your children let their dad know what their allergies are is a perfectly reasonable expectation.

 

I would send a detailed list of all food allergies along with their reactions, and a list of "safe" foods.  I find people appreciate being told what they can have, not just what they can't have.  I would also talk to XH about cross contamination if that is an issue for your children.  Make sure that their epi-pens are up to date, and that XH has the phone numbers of your children's allergist/doctor.

 

It is scarey to send your children with severe food allergies to someone else house where they will be eating and you are worried they don't understand the allergies and the seriousness of it.

[sassenach]

As gently as possible, from an outsider's perspective, you are seriously overreacting.  Now, there may be a lot of relevant info that is missing here that might explain your reaction, but from where I'm sitting it's totally reasonable for a dad to ask his 12yo for a written list of her allergies. 

 

I guess, other than the advice you've already received, I would just suggest that you get your dd to a place where she is more comfortable talking about her allergies and advocating for herself.  These are life skills that she's going to need.  I'd be a little concerned that she was so uncomfortable that she needed to be talked down.  I don't think that's a healthy reaction to that question.  Maybe your strong reactions are feeding hers?  Something to think about.

[Ravin]

In light of what Patty said, I would add to what I said earlier that the kids should communicate affirmatively a list of their preferred foods, excluding anything with meat. That way he has a chance to have food in the house they'll eat given the beyond-allergy pickiness. If they are willing to prepare their own meals, they should let him know that, too.

[Danestress]

I was actually relieved as I got to the end of your post that he wants to abide by their limitations. I was expecting one of those posts where a family member questions the importance of restrictions.

I would certainly provide a very complete list of restrictions - or have the kids give that list ahead of time. Whatever the kids prefer. No doubt your ex and his GF want to have the right foods on hand and plan some meals ahead. Even if ex-h should know, I would rather he ask if he needs reminding.

Just because my sixteen year old can cook doesn't mean I would expect him to do his own cooking in my home as a regular thing. They probably want to make family meals that work for everyone.

Some vegetarians don't want meat cooked in their home and prepared in their pans. Others would not care. Some might be ok with keeping some already prepared meat on hand. The kid Iight want to ask about this ahead of time so they know what to expect.

[mommytobees]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts.

 

I am NOT offended by any of it... actually, that is why I posted here.  I really wanted outside feedback.  *I* am ready to throttle the man, which is why we are not together anymore.  

 

I sat down and talked with both kids.  They both know what they are allergic to.  They both have to problem telling anyone.  DD12 is uncomfortable eating away from home (my home) except under certain circumstances, but her food allergies are by far the worse.  Neither child feels comfortable telling their father off about food.

 

Danestress, I agree with you... thankfully this is NOT a case of he doesn't believe or want to follow the "rules".  DS16 told me that his father wanted to know if he was "still allergic to potatoes".  DS doesn't touch potatoes with a 10-foot pole.  We have no idea if he is still allergic to them, and I don't blame him!  His body!

 

Thanks again,

Kris

[MomatHWTK]

Your kids only have a few more years to learn how to survive a lifetime without your guidance- Yes, they should be able to list all their allergies, their treatment plan, know what to do in an emergency, know how to read labels and check for recalls and cross contamination...

 

My 13 y.o. knows these steps even though I primarily take care of food choices.  My 10 y.o. who is not allergic also knows the steps to serve as a back up for her brother when they are away from me.  Adults make mistakes, it is the child who will pay for the mistake.  Teaching them to take control of their allergies is like teaching them self-defense.  :grouphug:

[Tammi K]

My first thoughts are this ( and I say it gently, so please read it that way, 'kay? :grouphug: .) :

1) You really don't like this guy.

2) You really don't want to send your kids to him.

3) You don't like his/ his girlfriends attitude about food.

4) You are obligated buy law to send your kids but you really don't want to.

 

You ask if your kids should be responsible for their own allergies. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond your control, they will, to some extent, have to be. I think your time would be best spent by helping them understand their limitations and empowering them to speak up for themselves.  You may not like dad's approach in asking the children, but he is asking for a list. So, help them compile a complete one.

Ask you doctor for some flyers on anaphylaxis and the seriousness of food allergies and trust that xh has the best interest of his children at heart.  Because, really, there is nothing else you CAN do and it will just eat at you to worry the entire time they are gone.  You are in an unfortunate situation that you can not alter and you must accept. And, while you may not like it, it is probably best if you keep a positive, upbeat attitude for the sake of your children.

 

Hugs, Mama. I pray the summer is safe and enjoyable for your children. :grouphug:  

[Omma]

My ds's food allergies have improved immensely in this last year, for which I thank the Lord.  But before that, what we did was to create a business card for our son with all his food allergies clearly listed.  Then when he ate outside the home, he was empowered to be able to hand out his food allergy business card to whoever was cooking, whether we were at a restaurant or going to camp, or a sleepover party, or wherever. 

 

 

[Unicorn.]

Gently, but ... Why in the world, is your dd upset that her father wants a list so that he can cook safe meals for her?  I don't see anything wrong w/ him asking her.  He's her father, and it seems like a fairly normal thing for him to do, as he isn't in their daily lives.

 

By those ages, they should absolutely be responsible for, and take some control of informing people.   Her dad is trying to keep her safe!  As far as the vegetarian thing... that would piss me off.  I couldn't go a month and not eat meat... I'd be severely ill. 

[Mrs Mungo]

I think it is probably time for them to learn to advocate a bit for themselves. I would have them list everything ahead of time to their dad. I agree with sending a laminated list of allergens and med instructions. I sympathize deeply that he doesn't know anything about it and is *now* having to ask the kids. Ugh!

[Mrs Mungo]

He's her father, and it seems like a fairly normal thing for him to do, as he isn't in their daily lives.

Just from own perspective? I have a high medical need child. My DH knows the meds and routine as well as I do. The OP has not been divorced very long. It doesn't really smack of "involved father," to not know basics like allergens, kwim? So, while I agree in general, I can definitely see how this specific instance would be extremely frustrating.

[RanchGirl]

Hmmm, clearly there is a lot more going on here than can be explained on the message board.  In general, I would have no problem typing up a safe/non-safe food list for my dd to send to someone she is staying with.  However, I do find it surprising that he doesn't already know what the kids' allergies are or that you don't know if the older child is still allergic to potatoes.  Have the children been to see an allergist lately?  I would schedule an appointment for them to go WITH THEIR DAD.  So he can discuss food issues with the allergist.  Personally I would want to be there myself as well to make sure all relevant issues are discussed and all parties are on the same page.  And that way the information is not coming from you and there is no chance of something not being taken seriously because it was thought to be just mom's preference.

[MomatHWTK]

Forgot to mention, DS also wears a Medic Alert bracelet so that if he cannot speak during a reaction someone can call the number and find out his details.  All the kids know what the MA bracelet is so they can point it out in an emergency as well. 

 

 

[Cosmos]

I admit even after the second post, I can't understand what you are angry about. Is that he asked for the list from your dd instead of asking you? Or is it that he had to ask at all and should already know the list?

 

So, my 12-almost-13 year old daughter comes to me yesterday and says, "Daddy wants me to provide him with a list of our food allergies so he knows what he can't cook for us."  She was VERY VERY VERY uncomfortable with this.  I talked her down and told her not to worry about it, I would take care of this with her dad.

 

I sat down and talked with both kids.  They both know what they are allergic to.  They both have to problem telling anyone.  DD12 is uncomfortable eating away from home (my home) except under certain circumstances, but her food allergies are by far the worse.  Neither child feels comfortable telling their father off about food.

 

What does the bolded mean? Why would they "tell their father off" about food?

 

Also, these two posts seem contradictory. Is she comfortable telling people her allergies or not?

[Arcadia]

My XH has a new live-in girlfriend.  She is a vegetarian.  So, now he is too.  He has told me that he expects the kids to eat what they eat; I've told him that he isn't going to be very successful and the kids will not like it.  

 

 

My questions are:

 

Should my 13-year old daughter and 16-year old son be responsible for their own food allergies?

......

Is it appropriate for my XH to be going through our 12-almost-13-year old daughter for this information?

 

The kids may not like the vegetarian food that your XH eats but from the courtesy point of view, it is polite to eat unless they are allergic to something in the food.  For example, I can take most vegetarian foods but beans and bananas give me a tummy upset.

 

A kindergartner in school (regardless public or private) would have taken up responsibility for their own food allergies even though the school nurse and their teacher would have epi-pens and are trained to use them.  I've know preschoolers who advocate for their own food allergies.

I don't think it is off the norm to expect a 13 year old to be responsible.

 

I was the sickly kid knowing the ER as a regular "hangout".  My parents and relatives would just ask me direct what food and smells I have to avoid.  Your children are teenagers, maybe your XH thinks that it is "babyish" to ask you for that information when he can just ask your children direct. I don't see it as side-stepping your authority as their mother but more of they are old enough to answer for themselves.

 

A medic alert bracelet is worth it if your kids are not comfortable explaining.

 

Hubby's teenage nieces have allergies to seafood.  They have to read labels and inform hosts.

My dad doesn't know anything about food prep and no way he can remember what I can't eat.  It is just how it is.

[Spryte]

Maybe you can reframe this situation in a way that will make you feel better.  

 

I'm not sure if you're upset that your ex doesn't know their allergies, if he went through the kids for info instead of to you, or if it's something else, but whatever it is ... This is an excellent, excellent opportunity for them to navigate advocating about their allergies in a safe environment.  What a gift!

 

I say this as the parent of a child with multiple LFTAs, so I understand that part of your concerns thoroughly.  And I understand that as a mom of a kid with these kinds of allergies, we are used to advocating and controlling and being the one to communicate food issues.  I anticipate having trouble letting go of control in that way, too. But as our kids become teens, we have to trust them to be able to do this, even while we stand back and bite our nails.  What better place than with their father, who does love them and clearly does not want to cause an allergic reaction?

 

This would be a great time to revisit the allergist, with the kids in on creating their own action plans.  One they can implement without mom or dad.  Get info from the allergist *for teens* ... It's out there.  I think FARE even has a teen group, I've seen it somewhere.  Get some restaurant chef cards (again, I think you print these from FARE for free), go over allergens, reading labels, cross-contamination, trace amounts, may contains.  Discuss how to determine if a restaurant is safe for your kids, and how to talk to the manager in advance and upon arrival (do you have the tables specially cleaned?  does the manager prepare the food personally?), have the kids practice doing all this with you at some restaurants ahead of time.  Talk to the allergist about how to recognize anaphylaxis, when to use an epipen.  Maybe get an Auvi-Q in case the new girlfriend will need to be talked through it.  Go over how to train new people on the epi or Auvi-Q.  Order updated Medic Alert bracelets and emergency supply carriers.

 

As for the vegetarian issue - well, it's a month.  It'll be okay.  And they might come back from their visit with some new foods they like, which would be good.  I was vegetarian for 14 years.  My skid (now 22 year old DSS) was vegetarian for the first 14 years of his life.  He's okay.  Your kids will be okay.   Honestly, I've heard of more than one allergy mom who took her kids on vacation to someplace where she wasn't sure the food would be safe... and packed a suitcase full of poptarts and some other junk so at least her kid would eat.  Not ideal, but sometimes you just do it.  (I am not advocating a suitcase of poptarts here, just telling you I know of at least one kid who survived 2 weeks that way - ick!)  ...I think, and could be wrong, that the vegetarian issue is just one more element of losing control that sort of rankles.  It would me.  I get it.  :)  

 

It sounds like this is their first visit to dad, in these circumstances?  ...That has to be hard, and doubly so with the food issues.  Please plan some self care for yourself while they're gone, and do something special just for you.   :grouphug:

 

 

 

 

[Unicorn.]

Just from own perspective? I have a high medical need child. My DH knows the meds and routine as well as I do. The OP has not been divorced very long. It doesn't really smack of "involved father," to not know basics like allergens, kwim? So, while I agree in general, I can definitely see how this specific instance would be extremely frustrating.

 

Oh believe me, I get that.  I was just saying he's trying to make sure she is safe, so she shouldn't be upset about that.  I get being upset that he should know, but doesn't.
 

[Plateau Mama]

Just from own perspective? I have a high medical need child. My DH knows the meds and routine as well as I do. The OP has not been divorced very long. It doesn't really smack of "involved father," to not know basics like allergens, kwim? So, while I agree in general, I can definitely see how this specific instance would be extremely frustrating.

Just because a dad doesn't know their kids allergies doesn't mean they are uninvolved. My DH is very involved but he has no clue what our kids cannot eat. He really doesn't need to that often. My kids know what they cannot have and have no problem politely declining something. On the rare occasion they need help my DH will text me and I'll walk them thru it. My kids are 12 & 13. They were diagnosed at 11 & 9 and have always been in charge. I can't be with them everywhere and they need to be their own advocate.

[mommytobees]

Tammi,

 

You are dead on.  I'm having a hard time with this in general and add in a small complication and I'm ready to spit nails.

 

Sigh.

Thank you, I think you are right on all accounts.  

 

Kris

 

 

My first thoughts are this ( and I say it gently, so please read it that way, 'kay? :grouphug: .) :

1) You really don't like this guy.

2) You really don't want to send your kids to him.

3) You don't like his/ his girlfriends attitude about food.

4) You are obligated buy law to send your kids but you really don't want to.

 

You ask if your kids should be responsible for their own allergies. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond your control, they will, to some extent, have to be. I think your time would be best spent by helping them understand their limitations and empowering them to speak up for themselves.  You may not like dad's approach in asking the children, but he is asking for a list. So, help them compile a complete one.

Ask you doctor for some flyers on anaphylaxis and the seriousness of food allergies and trust that xh has the best interest of his children at heart.  Because, really, there is nothing else you CAN do and it will just eat at you to worry the entire time they are gone.  You are in an unfortunate situation that you can not alter and you must accept. And, while you may not like it, it is probably best if you keep a positive, upbeat attitude for the sake of your children.

 

Hugs, Mama. I pray the summer is safe and enjoyable for your children. :grouphug:  

 

[mommytobees]

My ds's food allergies have improved immensely in this last year, for which I thank the Lord.  But before that, what we did was to create a business card for our son with all his food allergies clearly listed.  Then when he ate outside the home, he was empowered to be able to hand out his food allergy business card to whoever was cooking, whether we were at a restaurant or going to camp, or a sleepover party, or wherever. 

 

This is an interesting idea for this.  I might just do that.

 

Kris

[Spryte]

One resource for a printable chef card ( for allergies): http://www.foodallergy.org/document.doc?id=219

There are more, just thought this might get you started.

[mommytobees]

I think it is probably time for them to learn to advocate a bit for themselves. I would have them list everything ahead of time to their dad. I agree with sending a laminated list of allergens and med instructions. I sympathize deeply that he doesn't know anything about it and is *now* having to ask the kids. Ugh!

 

Hey Mungo!!

 

I sat down with both kids this afternoon and we talked about it.  DS is not in the least bit worried about food at his dad's house.  He is quite comfortable with his food arrangements. He was relieved that I am going to print it all up. LOL, he forgot he's allergic to apples.  He just doesn't eat them!  He's a great kid and makes me laugh.

 

My DD is not as confident.  I'll be working on that over the next 7-8 weeks before they go.  

 

I don't think I realized before it was mentioned on here that was quite so irritated/upset that he doesn't know what the food allergies are in the first place.  Since I have nothing nice to say, I'll say nothing.

 

Kris

[mommytobees]

Gently, but ... Why in the world, is your dd upset that her father wants a list so that he can cook safe meals for her?  I don't see anything wrong w/ him asking her.  He's her father, and it seems like a fairly normal thing for him to do, as he isn't in their daily lives.

 

By those ages, they should absolutely be responsible for, and take some control of informing people.   Her dad is trying to keep her safe!  As far as the vegetarian thing... that would piss me off.  I couldn't go a month and not eat meat... I'd be severely ill. 

 

I'm not sure why she was upset.  I'm not sure she knew why she was upset.

 

I know why *I* am upset and it has nothing to do with food.  That is why I'm asking for objective advice here.  I am upset and easily upset these days when it comes to XH.  

 

Thank you,

Kris

[mommytobees]

Just from own perspective? I have a high medical need child. My DH knows the meds and routine as well as I do. The OP has not been divorced very long. It doesn't really smack of "involved father," to not know basics like allergens, kwim? So, while I agree in general, I can definitely see how this specific instance would be extremely frustrating.

 

Thank you, Mrs. Mungo, you are dead on.

 

Kris

[mommytobees]

I admit even after the second post, I can't understand what you are angry about. Is that he asked for the list from your dd instead of asking you? Or is it that he had to ask at all and should already know the list?

 

 

 

What does the bolded mean? Why would they "tell their father off" about food?

 

Also, these two posts seem contradictory. Is she comfortable telling people her allergies or not?

 

Okay, let me clarify.... I am not actually very angry about the food issues.  Irritated and frustrated and trying to get a clear head before dealing with it.... yes, but angry, no.

 

I am angry, though.  Dealing with my XH has been very hard.  He takes any opportunity to hurt me that he can... when he is unsuccessful, then he tries to hurt me through the kids.  I normally go to my son's therapist for advice on how to deal with him; he is unavailable before Monday.  My friends and family all gave me advice that didn't feel right.  So, I came here.  I thought, correctly as it turns out, that I could get advice from rational people who think a lot like I normally do, when I'm not hurting and more likely to lash out rather than think clearly first.

 

He has a habit of discussing things with the kids that he shouldn't.  My DS flat out ignores him when he does it.  The boy actually hung up on his dad the last time he started talking about money.  My DD on the other hand doesn't know how to deal with her father.  As for the "telling off" about the food.  My DS can and will stand up for himself regarding food.  He won't be eating anything he shouldn't unless it is slipped into his food without his knowledge.  His food allergies are not life threatening.  My DD on the other hand as life threatening food allergies and is NOT capable of standing up for herself to her father.

 

She is comfortable telling her grandparents her food allergies.  She is comfortable telling her friend's parents, her Scout leader, and other adults in her life.  She is not comfortable telling her father.  Why?  ::shrug::  I have no idea.  I think this is something else that needs to be brought up with her therapist.

 

Thank you for your thoughts,

Kris

[mommytobees]

Maybe you can reframe this situation in a way that will make you feel better.  

 

I'm not sure if you're upset that your ex doesn't know their allergies, if he went through the kids for info instead of to you, or if it's something else, but whatever it is ... This is an excellent, excellent opportunity for them to navigate advocating about their allergies in a safe environment.  What a gift!

 

It sounds like this is their first visit to dad, in these circumstances?  ...That has to be hard, and doubly so with the food issues.  Please plan some self care for yourself while they're gone, and do something special just for you.   :grouphug:

 

Thank you!!!!!!

 

Thank you for changing the way to see this.  I needed this as much, if not more, than I needed some clear thinking.

 

I am going to focus on changing DD's thinking and methods over the next 7-8 weeks before they go.  I'll talk to DS too, but I think he's at a good an comfortable place.  DD needs work though.

 

I didn't realize how irritated I am that he doesn't know until it was pointed out in this thread.  I am irritated, but it is a minor irritation in the grand scheme of the whole.

 

Yes, this is their first visit.  They have seen him at his parent's home a couple of times, but there his mom was in control, ::shrug:: I think that was easier on me as well as him.

 

Thank you, again!
 

Kris

[Cosmos]

Sounds like a tough situation. You're very smart to get input and not respond when you are upset. I need to learn to do that with the difficult people in my life! Good luck. I hope the kids have a good summer with their dad.

[mommytobees]

Hmmm, clearly there is a lot more going on here than can be explained on the message board.  In general, I would have no problem typing up a safe/non-safe food list for my dd to send to someone she is staying with.  However, I do find it surprising that he doesn't already know what the kids' allergies are or that you don't know if the older child is still allergic to potatoes.  Have the children been to see an allergist lately?  I would schedule an appointment for them to go WITH THEIR DAD.  So he can discuss food issues with the allergist.  Personally I would want to be there myself as well to make sure all relevant issues are discussed and all parties are on the same page.  And that way the information is not coming from you and there is no chance of something not being taken seriously because it was thought to be just mom's preference.

 

DS doesn't eat potato.  He isn't truly allergic to it, technically it is considered a food intolerance.  BUT.... when the reaction is severe diarrhea for days on end... we use strict avoidance to the food.  DS does not want to challenge it.  The last allergist we saw did not feel the need to press the issue and nor do I.  It is his body.  So, is he "still" allergic to it?  Yes.  He has the right to decide for himself if he wants to find out more.

 

As for XH taking them to the doctor.  Ya. that isn't happening.  I won't go into why here, but that isn't going to happen.  Please understand, I love my children more than I hate my XH.  But, a tiger doesn't change his stripes.

 

Kris

[mommytobees]

Sounds like a tough situation. You're very smart to get input and not respond when you are upset. I need to learn to do that with the difficult people in my life! Good luck. I hope the kids have a good summer with their dad.

 

Thank you!  I'm trying and my patience is being tried!!  LOL!

 

I really hope my kids have a good time this summer, too.  I really do want them to have a good relationship with their dad.

 

Kris

[Unicorn.]

Would it help your dd to have your ds talk to her about standing up for herself w/ dad?   Your comment above, about him going through them, trying to hurt you, does explain better why your dd might freak about him asking her, instead of you.  :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: <<<< big ones.  

[mommytobees]

Would it help your dd to have your ds talk to her about standing up for herself w/ dad?   Your comment above, about him going through them, trying to hurt you, does explain better why your dd might freak about him asking her, instead of you.  :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: <<<< big ones.  

 

Well, duh!  You know when you have those stupid moments, where you just aren't looking at a picture clearly!
 

Thank you again.  Light bulb moment here!  I really am not normally so dense... I've just been too self-absorbed and unable to view it from DD's POV.

 

Kris