Who is doing a Valentine's party or has in the past?

[plain jane]

A friend of mine is putting together a Valentines day party for the Co-op she is in (that we left due to scheduling conflict) and asked me for some ideas.

I figured there were probably plenty of families here who have been or are currently planning a party like this and I would like to hear your ideas!

What has worked and what hasn't and what have been your favorite activities and snacks? :)

[FaithManor]

I've only done one Valentine's Party. I LOVE the holiday, I really do. But, in my case I planned something really nice even though Co-Op things are not my deal. I invited five homeschooling families to join us, and the mom's set around, let the kids destroy my house, let me wait on them hand and foot, let their kids take food ALL OVER THE PLACE even though I'd designated the family room and dining room only for the party...ended up with chocolate on the walls in the living room...you have no idea how much cleaning I had to do, found broken toys, etc.

 

So, first off. Put up everything you don't want touched.

 

Keep it simple. I think mine was too elaborate. I had two crafts, lots of fruit, some finger veggies and tea sandwiches, too many desserts and should not have thought that pink lemonade with cranberry juice for the "red" was a good idea because between the two, it produced some stains that didn't want to come out. I planned it for 3 hrs. Don't do that either. 1.5 at most is sufficient.

 

I do think the pink and red theme is fun if you can do with naturally colored foods so that you can eliminate the food dye hazard. Maybe, if you can control the group, sparkling raspberry or cranberry juice would be okay. Carrot and red pepper sticks with dip would be fun if you think the kids will eat them. Decorated cookies are easier in terms of mess than cupcakes...learned that the hardway. Cupcake wrappers, not fun when found in the couch...lots more icing on a cupcake than a cookie. White chocolate covered pretzels would be okay for another desert option maybe.

 

I read a little book on the history of St. Valentine. I got it from an Orthodox book. I can't remember the title though because it's been a lot of years, and I don't own the book anymore. Maybe Mommaduck or Patty Joanna can help on that if you don't mind the religious theme behind the holiday. The Charlie Brown Valentine Special is awful cute. The Clifford and the Big Red Dog Valentine book is very nice as well. Those would be good read alouds or watch the Charlie Brown movie.

 

What age group are you working with? Am I making recommendations that are too young?

 

Since I've got teens and they are not interested in "romantic notions" or lovey, dovey stuff. I usually make a gift for each of them, and Valentine's evening I make a really special dinner that we eat by candlelight with my china. This year they will be missing out on that. I'm coordinating a wedding on Feb. 15th and will be at rehearsal dinner! They will be getting pizza instead.

 

 

[Myra]

If you have a fairly large co-op, it can be very time consuming if you exchange valentines.  What we have always done is have everyone bring a decorated shoebox with enough valentines for each child - signing the "from" part, but leaving off any "to" names.  That way the kids can just quickly "mail" them to each person without having to read a name, find the mailbox, etc - it really speeds things up esp if you have a variety of ages and reading abilities!  

 

Myra

[Onceuponatime]

I agree about keeping the amount of red dye to a minimum. We went to a lovely Valentine's day at a friend's house when my daughter was young. All red foods. Let's just say the red did not stay inside my daughter on the way home.

 

 

 

 

[KatieJ]

THe most successful coop events happen when each Mom/family is assigned a task or activity.

 

Keeps Moms off the couch and actively involved. 

 

We did a Valentine's party with our neighborhood homeschool group.  (Yes, there were at the time about 6 or 7 families homeschooling in my immediate neighborhood.)  I didn't plan it, but it was fun and enjoyed by our kids.  It was way too long ago to remember details, sorry.

[Myra]

Ahhh....as for crafts....

1. Baby food jars that the kids fill with those heart-shaped candy hearts that have a saying on them then they tie a pre-cut fabric circle on top of the jar with a ribbon for decoration-

 

2. kids cut out heart shape from red construction paper  then they put a print of their thumb (black stamp pad - just stick thumb on it) on the heart shape and write "Thumb-body loves you" - and glue heart onto center of a round white paper lace doily

 

just google valentine day crafts and I bet you'll get lots of ideas!

[Erica in OR]

A couple years ago ours started doing an RSVP for the party and sending out a list ahead of time so the kids could address the valentines before they came. Otherwise it was handing out valentines that were just signed on the "From". We also used to do candy with each Valentine, but most have stopped doing that. Just too much junk food.

 

We usually do a craft. In the past, it was just decorating paper bags to use as the mailboxes. I think I found some of the ideas on the Family Fun website. One was a Valentine pencil stuck through a heart, and then made it look like an arrow with hearts at the end and fake rose petals on the other end cut to look like feathers.

 

If you have some space indoors or it's warm enough outdoors, we did some fun games to let off steam. Some games from last year, we did a relay where each person had to do something sort of goofy (walk backward, have a big smile, laugh, walk like a penguin, etc.). We also did a relay where each team had two big hearts cut from cardboard. They had to cross the area only stepping on the hearts. So they would stand on one, put the other further on the floor, then step to the next one, etc.

 

We did ice cream sundaes one year where the co-op provided the ice cream and moms signed up to bring one topping. The kids have also had a lot of fun decorating sugar cookies with frosting and sprinkles.

 

Erica in OR

[MercyA]

I've done a few Valentine's Day parties, but just for young children.  We always make some type of mailboxes for the Valentines the kids exchange.  This can be as simple as decorating colored bags with stickers, cut-out hearts, doilies, etc.  Oriental Trading Company has some cute, cheap kits as well.  You can also have a table set up with supplies for the children to make Valentines for their parents and siblings.

 

There are lots of printable Valentine's Day bingo games online.  Crayola has some picture bingo games for young children.  There are also quite a few free bingo games at teacherspayteachers.com.  Other simple games are hot potato (using a stuffed heart or something similar), musical chairs (using songs about love), pin the wings on the cupid instead of pin the tail on the donkey, heart-heart-love instead of duck-duck-goose, etc.  I'm a softy, so I make sure all the children receive at least one prize.

 

If the party is at co-op, I read a few picture books, too, both fictional stories and books on the history of the holiday.

 

Some good snacks are pretzels, popcorn, cheese and crackers, apple slices, and homemade cookies.  You can buy dye-free candy at a health food store or online. 

 

ETA:  Oriental Trading Company has free shipping on any order through February 2.  The promo code is WCE4295. 

[HS Mom in NC]

I've done half a dozen of them.

When exchanging Valentines be sure all the containers are clearly labeled with the name, set out in alphabetical order and all the Valentine cards are brought already stacked in alphabetical order.  Make and send all the parents the guest list with names in alphabetical order and have copies on hand at the event for the mothers who forgot to alphabetize them before they came.   I've typically had 2 -3 dozen participants and you could lose an hour with people randomly hunting down a particular Valentine container in a big mass of confusion. Think about the physical space/traffic flow and number of people who will be putting them in containers.

It's a good opportunity to have girls dress up in costumes they don't often get to wear out.  I add in the statement, "It is not possible to over dress for this event." on the invitation.

Decide just how much sugar you want the kids to ingest.  You may want to only have a few treats available like cookies and cupcakes and brownies.  If you have a large group of families participating, count up how many treats that will be if everyone brings something.  Is that number too high for you? Maybe just assigning a few people to bring treats for everyone or assigning everyone bring a specific (lower) number of treats so it's not over kill.

Be very realistic about who you're inviting and how they will respond to sugar.  Every now and then we run into a mother who is beside herself trying to keep sugar away from her kids at an event like this and then her feelings are hurt when no one eats her non-sugary snacks. You may want to leave someone like her and her kids off the guest list if she's going to take away the Valentines people made with a candy treat or lollipop in it or if she'll be upset when another child hands hers a candy. One mom was like a helicopter over her kids vigilantly watching that hers didn't eat any sugar.  People with food allergies are tough to deal with too.  Most people feel terrible when a kid is there but can't have much of anything. Again, when young ones will often share their candy with no thought of allergies or food sensitivities and it can make for very awkward situations.  How do you want to handle that? Do you want to deal with it at all?

Have something for older or male siblings who aren't interested in Valentines and dress up.  It's always hard for homeschool moms to get childcare. Set out some treats for them and give them something to do outside (it's warm here) or upstairs.  We have a loft for board games and a small pool table. We've had kids outside with lots of large cardboard boxes, packing tape and their imaginations.

Most kids don't like tea-even peppermint tea with cream and sugar.  Punch or juice usually goes over better.

[MercyA]

Be very realistic about who you're inviting and how they will respond to sugar.  Every now and then we run into a mother who is beside herself trying to keep sugar away from her kids at an event like this and then her feelings are hurt when no one eats her non-sugary snacks. You may want to leave someone like her and her kids off the guest list if she's going to take away the Valentines people made with a candy treat or lollipop in it or if she'll be upset when another child hands hers a candy. One mom was like a helicopter over her kids vigilantly watching that hers didn't eat any sugar.  People with food allergies are tough to deal with too.  Most people feel terrible when a kid is there but can't have much of anything. Again, when young ones will often share their candy with no thought of allergies or food sensitivities and it can make for very awkward situations.  How do you want to handle that? Do you want to deal with it at all?

 

I think there are kinder ways of dealing with this than just not inviting those with food sensitivities.  Encourage moms to bring a treat or two their child *can* eat.  It's not difficult to also provide a few plainer snacks, like bottled water, apples, and pretzels.  I like to use non-food treats and prizes whenever possible.  Kids love pencils, stickers, bouncy balls, play jewelry, bubbles, toy cars, mini cans of Play Doh, etc.  Not everything has to revolve around food.  

 

We buy candy from our food sensitive child after parties or trick or treating.  Our child has fun setting up a "candy store" and then has money to buy a little toy.  It works well for us.

[Loowit]

Sending out a list of names ahead of time for Valentine's is nice.  Have the kids each bring a decorated container to put them is with their name clearly written on it works well, especially if they are in some sort of prearranged order.  If the parent can get them to the host ahead so she can have them set up would be cool.   My kids preschool did both the just sign them and don't put in who they are to, and filling in both, and my kids much preferred if they were to someone in particular.  They had fun sitting down to pick out one for each of their friends.

 

Food can be an issue for many reasons, I would not exclude anyone due to food allergies or issues.  If there are known food issues I would get a list ahead of time from parents of food that are on the okay list and then email/hand them out to parents.  My child is severely peanut allergic and needs to be in a peanut free environment. Our old co-op was great about accommodating this, and it was very much appreciated.

 

I would limit sweets, but that is a personal opinion.  I think one or two cookies or cupcakes with a lot of fresh fruits and veggies can go over well.  At parties I have been too, you can make things very festive colorwise with fresh strawberries, grapes, tomatoes and other red foods foods, and don't need the red dyes.  Maybe do something like a teatime with little sandwiches, scones, and the like.  The sandwiches can be cut with a heart shaped cookie cutter.

[J-rap]

Our homeschool group had a party every year.  We rented a gym, and had it there for all ages.  (There were about 40 kids, ranging from 2-18).  We had tables set up for decorating valentine boxes, and we told everyone who wanted to participate in the valentine exchange to bring any box.  So, this is what they did when they first arrived.  Kids brought shoe boxes, cereal boxes, etc.  We supplied the construction paper, paper doilies, flower stickers, etc., although we also asked each family to bring something extra of their choice to share (for decorating), such as lace, fake jewelry with adhesive backs, etc.  All the kids had so much fun decorating a box, even most of the boys.  Once the boxes were decorated, we'd arrange them on the floor grouped by family name and in alphabetical order.  We sent out lists ahead of time for those who wanted to exchange.  We suggested that the younger kids (and anyone who didn't want to take the time but still wanted to participate) to not put a "to" name on the envelope/valentine, just list who it's from.  That way, they could easily walk down the line of boxes and put any valentine into each box.  For those who wanted to list who they were for, they could find the boxes easily because they were in alphabetical order by family.

 

Because we were in a gym, we planned several games -- typical party games where you might want a lot of room.  During the time when kids were decorating boxes, the gym was also available for free-time playing.

 

Refreshments were something very simple, just juice and cookies or cupcakes. 

 

We allowed two hours.  The first 45 minutes was taken up with decorating boxes and free time in the gym, and putting valentines into the boxes.  The next 45 minutes or so we played organized games.   Some of the games we did altogether, and some of them we'd divide up between older and younger children.  The last 30 minutes was refreshments (just sitting on the gym floor) while opening valentines.  The time went fast!

[Kari C in SC]

Our group goes to Chuck E. Cheese AFTER Valentines Day. We do it after because we end up with about 50 kids and that makes getting candy or cards cheaper. We just let each family choose if they want food or just tokens. We bring decorated boxes or bags and set them out on the long tables and pass out treats. They will let us bring cookies, cupcakes, etc. in to share. This is our 5th year and our kids look forward to it every year. Oh and nobody is there on a weekday, so you pretty much get the place to yourself.

[Spryte]

People with food allergies are tough to deal with too.  Most people feel terrible when a kid is there but can't have much of anything. Again, when young ones will often share their candy with no thought of allergies or food sensitivities and it can make for very awkward situations.  How do you want to handle that? Do you want to deal with it at all?

 

How sad.  :(

 

Most people with food allergies (and I know dozens) have a system for dealing with parties.  Either they don't attend, so no one has to deal with it, or they know how to navigate it in a way so their kids still have fun.  Either way, the thought of deliberately excluding someone based on their allergies makes me sad.  I understand that some people don't want to deal with it, but, really, these are children.  If it's a co-op party, why exclude a child who is part of co-op just because of his/her allergies?

 

Yes, my son has allergies.  He loves Valentine parties.  

 

 

[HS Mom in NC]

How sad.   :(

 

Most people with food allergies (and I know dozens) have a system for dealing with parties.  Either they don't attend, so no one has to deal with it, or they know how to navigate it in a way so their kids still have fun.  Either way, the thought of deliberately excluding someone based on their allergies makes me sad.  I understand that some people don't want to deal with it, but, really, these are children.  If it's a co-op party, why exclude a child who is part of co-op just because of his/her allergies?

 

Yes, my son has allergies.  He loves Valentine parties.  

 

I've been doing parent groups, church groups and homeschool groups for almost 16 years now.  I no longer have patience with the occasional shocking behavior some people on restricted diets have shown.  I've paid my dues and have chosen not to allow the possibility of one of them causing problems at the event I host. It's not a co-op party.  It's for homeschoolers I personally know with kids in the age range that would like this type of party.  It's a private event like my kid's birthday party or my housewarming party-no one is entitled to an invitation.

 

You probably would've been less sad if you had seen one mother all upset in front of people with another mother because the other mother's child, who was completely unaware of the concept of food allergies, dared to share something sugary with her kid. 

 

I used to think everyone with a kid with food issues would've bothered to bring something they could eat too.  I have been proven wrong on 4 different occasions (once at a birthday party, once at one of my Valentine's Day parties, and twice at other group get togethers.)  I heard mothers tell their kids they'd have to do without because they forgot to plan to bring or forgot to actually bring their own kids an alternative.  So, no.  I no longer bother inviting those specific people who have caused problems in the past to events with sugary snacks and I don't feel bad about it at all.

 

When I plan these huge events I emphasize that there will be large amounts of sugary snacks there-particularly with the mothers who want to know what other people are bringing and who immediately volunteer healthy alternatives.  I specifically tell them that in the past most children leave the healthy snacks and eat the sugary ones.  One even tried to convince me to have everyone bring healthy foods.

 

If you want to take something that's healthy, go right ahead, but don't be offended if kids choose not to eat it.  I've seen that too in real life several times. Do not point it out to me or other people that kids aren't eating your snacks at my event. One did before.  She wasn't invited back. Do not try to mother someone else's child in their food choices.  I've seen that too.  I'm not the food police.

 

I've witnessed a mother tell her children to take out the treat parts of the handmade Valentines and leave them there in front of the one of the kids and mother who made some of them.  I'm done with that kid of stuff.

 

I've seen a dozen different instances where there was an inquisition about the content of various food items at each event.  It's a pain in the neck to find who made what and ask them what the recipe called for. I'm allergic to strawberries.  If it looks like it might have a strawberry in it, I don't bother.  I don't ask at an event with dozens of people milling around.  I also don't like it when people like my SIL openly and loudly complain that, "There aren't many vegetarian items here."   Since she was the only vegetarian at that potluck, it stands to reason most items weren't vegetarian.

 

The worst food situation I witnessed was when someone hosted an event for a homeschool teen group, told people to bring snacks to share with no specifications.  Then, in front of everyone she refused to allow parents to put out their food in her house if it wasn't healthy and organic.  I'm not exaggerating or kidding.  Out came the junk food and she specifically told people in front of everyone, "I don't allow that kind of food in my house.  You can't put it out." Apparently it didn't occur to her to tell anyone before the event.

 

I've seen my fill of bad behavior about healthy food at social events and the unnecessary conflict it causes.  I choose not to invite people prone to fuss about it. 

[skimerinkydo]

Not co-op but this year my daughter is doing a Mad Hatter's tea party with a few friends: a craft, lunch, with mad libs, riddles, rhyming games and poetry by Lewis Carol. Decorate cupcakes. A scavenger hunt and find the a copy of Disney Alice in Wonderland to watch.

 

Years ago I did a Queen of Hearts party with preschoolers. I remember doing a paint the roses red relay: two posters, red markers, each team tries to color in their roses first.

[MercyA]

I no longer have patience with the occasional shocking behavior some people on restricted diets have shown.  I've paid my dues and have chosen not to allow the possibility of one of them causing problems at the event I host.

 

I'm sorry that adults have behaved so horribly at your parties.  There is no excuse for such rudeness.  I can't imagine expecting others to provide special food for my child, although I am more than happy to provide special food for others if they ask.  My child and I both know that there will always be lots of food at parties we can't eat, and that's fine.  I also wouldn't expect many people to eat our alternative food.  It doesn't bother me a bit.

 

I still can't see myself deliberately excluding a child solely because he or she has food allergies.  Perhaps that's not what you mean--perhaps you only exclude children whose parents have caused problems in the past, rather than every child on a special diet.  I hope that's the case, but as you say, you can invite whomever you want.  I just wouldn't want to risk hurt feelings when the excluded child hears about the party from their friends and wonders why they weren't invited. It might be their parent's fault, but the child wouldn't know that.

[DawnM]

Our homeschool group does Valentine's Bowling party!  The kids are occupied and the moms can sit and talk.  Moms of younger kids help them bowl.

 

There is a pre-sign up so that we know how many kids, can assign bowling lanes by age, and can have enough bags for Valentine's cards/candy.

 

Due dates for RSVPs are firm…..we had a bad year where we added almost 20 kids after the RSVP and it was a nightmare…..so now we say you can still come, but you cannot participate in the Valentine exchange if you are late signing up.

 

We use paper grocery bags and staple the child's name on each, set them up on a table (about 50 kids) and then as the kids come in they can put their Valentine's in each bag.  We ask them NOT to put names on them but just bring the same thing for all 50 kids (lollipop or just a card or a pencil or a very small candy).  It saves on time…..again, we learned after kids wrote individual names on there and we had 50 kids wandering around looking for the correct bag to put their card in.

 

It is fun.

[Spryte]

The OP asked for help for a friend who is putting together a party for her co-op.  If a child is in the co-op, and is excluded from a party for the co-op because of allergies, I find that sad.

 

My son has life threatening allergies.  Not an intolerance.  Not a parent with an aversion to sugar.  He doesn't expect to eat everything at a party, he doesn't make a scene, and neither do I.  I bring safe food for him, and he's just happy to be part of a party.

 

I'm sorry for people like Homeschool Mom in AZ, who've had such bad experiences with parents who have no manners.  That's a shame.  And for private parties - of course, that's a different ballgame.  It's your party, invite whomever you wish.  :)

[LMV]

We do a party the weekend before Valentine's Day which is a Valentine making party.  I provide all of the materials for the kids to make the Valentines.  We usually have an identified group (the years my stepson was in the military we sent Valentines to his entire unit, we've also done our pediatric burn unit, several senior citizen's centers, nursing homes etc) recipient for the bulk of the cards but the kids can also make cards to take home and then later distribute to friends and family.  Some years we do more than one party (so we can have one for our younger kids and one for our older kids) and what else the party has consisted of has been somewhat age dependent (but I do always serve at least a snack type refreshment of some sort).  Our older girls had a pizza and slumber party after their Valentine making session last year and our fourteen year old will probably be doing that again this year.  

 

I would think a Valentine's making party with some simple refreshments afterward could work very well for a Co-op Party.  

[LMV]

Not co-op but this year my daughter is doing a Mad Hatter's tea party with a few friends: a craft, lunch, with mad libs, riddles, rhyming games and poetry by Lewis Carol. Decorate cupcakes. A scavenger hunt and find the a copy of Disney Alice in Wonderland to watch.

 

Years ago I did a Queen of Hearts party with preschoolers. I remember doing a paint the roses red relay: two posters, red markers, each team tries to color in their roses first.

The Mad Hatter's tea party is a neat idea.  Our foster daughter had a tea party style birthday party when she turned nine last May and if I wasn't slated to work a few too many physician ED shifts in February I might be tempted to try to do something like that for her and her friends.  I hope your daughter's party is a smashing success!

[sbgrace]

 

Be very realistic about who you're inviting and how they will respond to sugar.  Every now and then we run into a mother who is beside herself trying to keep sugar away from her kids at an event like this and then her feelings are hurt when no one eats her non-sugary snacks. You may want to leave someone like her and her kids off the guest list if she's going to take away the Valentines people made with a candy treat or lollipop in it or if she'll be upset when another child hands hers a candy. One mom was like a helicopter over her kids vigilantly watching that hers didn't eat any sugar.  People with food allergies are tough to deal with too.  Most people feel terrible when a kid is there but can't have much of anything. Again, when young ones will often share their candy with no thought of allergies or food sensitivities and it can make for very awkward situations.  How do you want to handle that? Do you want to deal with it at all?

 

.

 

Gah. And the mother of the child with food allergies reads this and sighs, or cries.

 

OP, please don't exclude children with food allergies or other food restrictions from your event. You also don't need to feel sorry for, or awkward about, a food allergy/diabetic/whatever child who isn't eating something. Said child is used to it and still wants to have the same social experiences as other kids. After all, nearly every event has food tied to it! Food allergy kids don't want to miss the fun, and they don't need a cookie to have fun for goodness sake!

[8circles]

Be very realistic about who you're inviting and how they will respond to sugar.  Every now and then we run into a mother who is beside herself trying to keep sugar away from her kids at an event like this and then her feelings are hurt when no one eats her non-sugary snacks. You may want to leave someone like her and her kids off the guest list if she's going to take away the Valentines people made with a candy treat or lollipop in it or if she'll be upset when another child hands hers a candy. One mom was like a helicopter over her kids vigilantly watching that hers didn't eat any sugar.  People with food allergies are tough to deal with too.  Most people feel terrible when a kid is there but can't have much of anything. Again, when young ones will often share their candy with no thought of allergies or food sensitivities and it can make for very awkward situations.  How do you want to handle that? Do you want to deal with it at all?

 

I understand that this is your experience but I think that to generalize about this is really not warranted.  It is unfortunate that you have had so much experience with rude people at your parties but they aren't rude because they have alternative diets.  They're just rude & happen to have alternative diets.  I guarantee you that food allergies don't all-of-a-sudden make you rude.

 

I have one friend who has many voluntary dietary restrictions for her whole family and I could see her saying something rude at a party.  But that is part of her personality as a whole, not because of her diet.  If you don't want rude people at your parties, I get it - but excluding people based on dietary needs (or suggesting other people do it) is, well, rude.

[Pippen]

Once at a Valentine's party for kindergarteners I did a cakewalk and they all loved it!  I played a simple jazzy tune they didn't know, and kept playing until everyone landed on the "heart."  When they landed on the heart they got a Little Debbie heart-shaped cake.

 

For a craft we did heart-shaped suncatchers.  It took a lot of prep work but was a nice do-able craft with parent assistance.

[Kathleen.]

What are fun games or crafts that wouuld interest 10 year old boys and girls?

[HS Mom in NC]

I'm sorry that adults have behaved so horribly at your parties.  There is no excuse for such rudeness.  I can't imagine expecting others to provide special food for my child, although I am more than happy to provide special food for others if they ask.  My child and I both know that there will always be lots of food at parties we can't eat, and that's fine.  I also wouldn't expect many people to eat our alternative food.  It doesn't bother me a bit.

 

I still can't see myself deliberately excluding a child solely because he or she has food allergies.  Perhaps that's not what you mean--perhaps you only exclude children whose parents have caused problems in the past, rather than every child on a special diet.  I hope that's the case, but as you say, you can invite whomever you want.  I just wouldn't want to risk hurt feelings when the excluded child hears about the party from their friends and wonders why they weren't invited. It might be their parent's fault, but the child wouldn't know that.

 

Yes.  As you can see every example I gave was a parent behaving horribly.  I will not add a child to the guest list at an event in my home whose parent is a "foodist" and has a history of any of the following:

 

1. A large percentage of her chit chat is based on food, food allergies, food convictions. If a long, detailed, unsolicited description of what they don't eat, why they don't eat it and what's wrong with the food industry in America is a regular pattern of behavior at other events, they won't be invited to mine. Neither will endless, routine, repeated discussions of gross physical symptoms that no one asked about get you on my guest list.

 

2. If, in front of other people, a mother has told her child they can't have something because it's bad food and they're sinning against their bodies or violating some moral code about animals by eating it, she's not going to be invited to my house where other people will be bringing food. If a mother forces a child to give back a treat given to everyone in front of the giver, rather than at home in private, I'm not going to risk her crap at my event. 

 

3. If a mother has gone on about how one bit of something the child can't have is ingested, there will be terrible behavior or catastrophic health consequences then I won't be inviting them to a mixed gathering at my house with food.

 

4. If at another event I see a mother bringing "alternatives" that are not in keeping with the event, she will not be invited to my house where other people will be bringing food.

 

Most of you know Joanne.  I was at her wedding.  Another mother invited to the wedding that I've know for years has never been invited to my events for Valentine's Day or Halloween or birthday parties because she, frankly, is delusional about bringing alternatives.  She brought plain tortillas and apple juice to eat at the wedding cake and punch reception.  We watched her kids obviously pining away for cake and punch.  She told everyone her kids were fine with it.  They clearly weren't. No one wants to be the clod that invites kids to a party with treats as part of the festivities to have children treated as badly as that-that's cruel.

 

5. If another mother has a history of complaining out loud at what others bring or if she complains out loud about others not eating what she brought, she will not be invited to my house at a food gathering. 

 

6.  If the inquisitor mother spends more time getting to know the food, asking about the food, trying to control the menu at an event she isn't hostessing, or if she spends more time introducing the food, what's in it, where it came from, the ingredients and the production of it than the people around her at the event, she won't be on my guest list.

 

7. If a mother spends time hovering over her children, monitoring what's in their hands and mouth, reiterating her food rules, arguing with her kids about her food rules and enforcing her food rules at an event she will not make my guest list for events involving different people and food at my house.

 

8. A events where other hostesses have had to segregate, introduce and label the food to make sure no one is deeply offended I make mental notes of who is openly scolding their kids about wandering into restricted food zones and making a scene.  They're not getting an invitation from me either.

 

I have a food allergy.   I have friends that come to these events with restrictions who have never done any of these things and they've been invited back many times.  I'm simply pointing out to people planning these kinds of events that the single most likely factor that will cause social problems at a Valentine's, Halloween, birthdays and Christmas is food restrictions.  Be VERY realistic about 1) if you want to deal with it and 2) how to deal with it when you host.  It will eventually come up.

 

Co-ops are an open door for all sorts for "foodists" who are drama mamas. You have far less control over avoiding problems when you can't control the guest list.  Sometimes it's just easier to make it a no food event.  Foodist drama mamas particularly think they have license when there's a diagnosable allergy. They don't learn from reasonable mothers with kids with allergies because reasonable mothers don't make drama about it.  Reasonable mothers handle it tactfully, appropriately and quietly.

 

Gah. And the mother of the child with food allergies reads this and sighs, or cries.

 

OP, please don't exclude children with food allergies or other food restrictions from your event. You also don't need to feel sorry for, or awkward about, a food allergy/diabetic/whatever child who isn't eating something. Said child is used to it and still wants to have the same social experiences as other kids. After all, nearly every event has food tied to it! Food allergy kids don't want to miss the fun, and they don't need a cookie to have fun for goodness sake!

 See my above description of Joanne's wedding under #4. It makes other people uncomfortable whether you think they should be or not. Mothers who think it's fine rather than bringing an adequate alternatives are exactly the ones who throw a fit when one kid shares the treats with their kid. You can insist it's not problem, but I've personally seen it be a problem on multiple occasions.  Since I don't think those mothers are likely to respond to my correcting them about it because it's not my place, I choose to work around them to avoid them causing unnecessary drama at my events. I hate it when people are rude to my guests. Also, see below.  At many of these events, the food itself is a large part of the fun.

 

 

I understand that this is your experience but I think that to generalize about this is really not warranted.  It is unfortunate that you have had so much experience with rude people at your parties but they aren't rude because they have alternative diets.  They're just rude & happen to have alternative diets.  I guarantee you that food allergies don't all-of-a-sudden make you rude.

 

I have one friend who has many voluntary dietary restrictions for her whole family and I could see her saying something rude at a party.  But that is part of her personality as a whole, not because of her diet.  If you don't want rude people at your parties, I get it - but excluding people based on dietary needs (or suggesting other people do it) is, well, rude.

Valentine's, Halloween, Birthday and Christmas parties are very food centered.  Certain types of food are expected.  Parents that have different expectations about food are the single most likely source of conflict.  Anyone unaware of that is in for a rude awakening at a co-op where they have no control over the guest list.  Since the problem parents can't be weeded out of the guest list at a co-op more and more are planning events with no food at all to avoid this very specific problem.  Who can blame them?

[MercyA]

Thanks for the clarifications, Homeschool Mom.  I personally wouldn't exclude children for every reason you mentioned, but I understand you have strong feelings about this.  You must live in an area with an unusually large percentage of rude people (or maybe I live in a bubble, surrounded by generally pleasant people!). 

 

I agree with you about providing appropriate alternatives.  If we're having doughnuts at church, I bring homemade or health food store doughnuts for my child.  If we're going to a birthday party, I take cupcakes my child can eat.  If we're going to Thanksgiving dinner and I know my child will be especially tempted by the dinner rolls, I take rolls.  I do think it's unkind to make a child watch others eat special treats when they don't have something similar to enjoy.  It is (or should be) the parents' responsibility to make sure their child is well taken care of.