Should I let my 6 year old daughter quit ballet?

[gigi638]

My daughter is 6 years old. She used to love ballet when she first started and is very good at it. But lately, she cries every time she needs to get ready for ballet. She says she hates ballet, that it's boring and doesn't want to go anymore! So I sat her down and had a talk with her and asked her "do you truly hate ballet or do you just not want to go because it takes away from your play time" and she said it was because she rather be playing. Honestly the whining and complaining is only to get her to stop what she is doing and get her out of the house.  She hates having to do her hair, get dressed, etc.  But once she gets there, she's fine.  She always goes right in, never has a tantrum at the studio (she only saves this for me at home) and when I ask her how class was when she comes out she says fine!  Now honestly in my opinion, most kids rather be playing than doing HW or any other activity, unless they happen to be very passionate about something. And my kids are really just passionate about playing- lol. But it's gotten to the point that I just can't stand the arguing, crying, etc. at ballet time and wonder if it's worth it to continue doing this! However, I always think of their future and I know that the more they are better prepared and the more skills they have the easier and more opportunities they would have in the future. I don't necessarily think she will become a professional ballerina, nor do I want her to honestly! But I just feel that by giving my child all of these skills that she will just be better prepared in the future and that they are skills that could open so many doors for her! I think she just doesnt realize those things right now obviously, as she is only six!!  So,would you just let your daughter quit ballet at this point or would you have her continue? and any suggestions on helping with the drama and complaining?

[redsquirrel]

I say this as a committed ballet mom. Let her quit. She is 6. There is nothing they are doing in the 6 year old class that is more important than what she is doing when she is playing.

 

My sons study at a classical ballet school and they don't even truly start real ballet until the kids are 8. Before that it is play and it should be fun.

 

Give her a break, let her come back for the next quarter or next autumn. She is so, so young.

[Acorn]

I would let her choose another style of dance or a different sport.  She can always return to ballet if she misses it.

[Eagle]

Extracurriculars for a 6yo should be fun. If she isn't wanting to go then I wouldn't sign her up for another session. If she truly likes dance, she'll ask to go again sometime in the future.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

Sounds like some sort of change is in order -- different studio, different class, or an outright break.  DD has been to the same school since 2, but serious classes didn't start until waaaay later. 

[gigi638]

I do have to say, her ballet class is definitely not a bunch of little ones twirling around in tutus and running around having a good time!  It is serious business and they are truly training them!  They are strict when it comes to technique and are good because of it!  I must say the best in our area and are known for it.   A good majority of their dances end up getting into highly distinguised ballet companies by the time they graduate.  It's definitely where you go around here if you are serious about ballet!  So maybe it's that!  and maybe she's just not ready for that kind of thing.  I definitely will sit down with her and have a heart to heart talk and TRULY listen to my daughter.  But I guess I'm speaking from experiences I had with my older son......and am trying to make  a point!   He started boyscouts and quit, started karate and 3 months later quit, did gymnastics and didn't last 2 months there! See the pattern.....And not to mention all the money that was thrown away after buying all the equipment necessary for all these things!  Finally now he is doing soccer and tried to quit as well, but I had had enough and would not let him quit and made him stick it out for the season.  I'm just saying we can't raise our children to be quitters!  And I don't want to send that message to my daughter either. I think I made that mistake with my son already! 

[Mom0012]

I say this as a committed ballet mom. Let her quit. She is 6. There is nothing they are doing in the 6 year old class that is more important than what she is doing when she is playing.

 

My sons study at a classical ballet school and they don't even truly start real ballet until the kids are 8. Before that it is play and it should be fun.

 

Give her a break, let her come back for the next quarter or next autumn. She is so, so young.

I totally agree with this. My dd has been doing "ballet" since she was 3, but I honestly think she could have started last year or the year before and hit the same point she's at now (she's 12).

 

If you really want your dd to continue, try to find a Nutcracker she can perform in each year. Having a mid-year performance really made all the difference for my dd. Prior to that, she would be excited about ballet in the fall, bored with it by Christmas, and then all set to sign up for the next year after her recital. The school she dances at has started doing a recital halfway through the year as well as at the end for the younger kids because it keeps them hooked.

[Rosie_0801]

I don't think raising a kid to persevere doggedly in all the wrong contexts leads to fulfilment, and knowing when to quit is an important skill. Don't punish your daughter for your son's perceived failures.

Maybe you need to make a clearer difference between school and fun. When my kids are ready for swimming lessons, they will have to stick at them until they can swim. If dd wants to quit archery, she can. That's for fun, not school.
 

 

:grouphug:

[redsquirrel]

My sons also attend a serious school.  All the more reason to not have her working so hard when she is only 6. At 6 she should be twirling around in tutus and having fun. Ok, a little bit of barre is fine, but true barre work and discipline can wait. There is so, so much hard work in ballet. Why start them so young?  All there is ahead of her is more hard work. If she doesn't love it, especially at this early stage, why have her there?

[Farrar]

While a serious, good ballet school will have orderly classes for young ones where they are doing real learning about how to move their bodies, the truth is that advancement is based on age, not experience or ability.  All the kids move up at once at this age and most studios don't put them in performances.  "Real" ballet starts around age 8.  My son also attends such a school.  If he had wanted to give it up at that age and then come back to it, it would have made zero difference until he was ready to go into their academy division.

 

But that aside, I cannot imagine the mindset in sending a child into an experience that's not really necessary to her basic learning or development that makes her cry and have tantrums, that degrades your relationship with her, that apparently makes her miserable.  Just because she can pull it together and fit in while she's there doesn't mean her emotions about the class aren't genuine - it just means she's polite and knows how to get along with everyone.

 

I think it's fair to say to a child at some point that they need to "pick an instrument and stick with it for x years" or "pick a sport and hone your ability for x seasons" but six isn't that age.

[Elisabet1]

I would let her drop. Some of the top schools in the world for ballet will not even allow kids to start at this age. Ballet is a rather precise and repetitive activity. It can be very hard for a 6 yr old to stay focused on that. Look for a different activity with more movement. At that age, we did gymnastics, soccer, swimming, that sort of thing.

 

Good luck!

[Rush]

Why start them so young?  All there is ahead of her is more hard work. If she doesn't love it, especially at this early stage, why have her there?

At this time they're mostly having fun, noting special. My son has started his ballet classes at 3, now its his 3rd year, 4 hrs a week and he wouldn't miss a lesson. It's so important to exercise to stay healthy, so there is nothing wrong with sending them at early years. Besides ballet my DS has 3 hrs of tennis and 1 hr of swimming weekly. He loves everything! Another thing, if she does not like it now, I guess she wouldn't like it later on. Ballet is a hard work and painful stretching. 

I would let her choose another style of dance or a different sport.  She can always return to ballet if she misses it.

:iagree:

I know a few kids who dropped ballet at 6-8 years, started another activities and never regret about that:)

[fourisenough]

I wouldn't allow her to quit. Very unpopular opinion, I know. If it is her only extra-curricular and if she chose the activity and if you are confident nothing hurtful is going on, encouraging her to complete the year will do wonders for habit formation.

 

Learning that we don't quit has been one of the best lessons my girls have internalized . They can certainly decide not to enroll the following season or year, but we finish what we start. This wasn't so in my home growing up, but was true for DH's family. Now that my older girls are teens, their maturity and commitment amazes me. They participate in a grueling sport (distance swimming). It is HARD. But everything else in life will be easy compared to this. Because of their dedication, they've developed into top athletes and are proud of the accomplishments they've earned. I'm just proud of their work ethic - the lessons learned on the deck and in the pool will lead to success in all areas of their lives.

 

Had I allowed my girls to quit swimming when young (I could have written your post years ago), they would have learned a very different lesson.

[Jenny in Florida]

It sounds like this program may not be a good fit for your daughter at this age. I honestly cannot imagine that forcing her to continue will foster a love of dance. 

 

With that said, I do believe in teaching kids to finish what they start. So, if your daughter chose ballet, I would encourage/require her to stick with it until some logical stopping point. Depending on some combination of how invested we were (financially and emotionally) and how unhappy she was and whatever other factors seemed important, I might explain to her that I wanted her to finish the semester or the academic year or until the next performance or whatever made sense. But, after that, yes, I would absolutely let her quit.

 

There is also the possibility of compromise. If she wants to dance but isn't happy in a "serious" ballet class, why not look for a studio at which she can twirl in a tutu and remember why she thought dance sounded like fun in the first place?

 

My own son began class at a pre-professional school connected to our local ballet company when he was six. He was quite happy there for a few years, but then began to lose interest. While he loved being part of The Nutcracker and other company productions, class became real drudgery for the last couple of years he was there. He also came to the conclusion that, while he loved to dance, classical ballet was not his path. Nonetheless, he hung on, because by that point it was such a huge part of his life that it seemed scary to quit. But, eventually, we encouraged him to look elsewhere.

 

He bounced around for a couple of years, trying different studios and dancing just recreationally once or twice a week before finding his current school. He started there with just a tap class, then began adding more classes as he felt more comfortable and regained his joy in dancing. He's now in his third year there (and has picked up ballet again), taking 12-ish hours of class per week and assistant teaching three classes and competing and looking toward majoring in dance in college.

 

The fact that a kid is good at something does not mean she will love it or benefit from pursuing it in the long term. I happen to be a fantastic editor, but I hate it. And I cried myself to sleep many nights for 10 years knowing I had to get up and go to that job the next morning. If your daughter is good at ballet, she'll probably be good at lots of other things, too. And the fact that the school she is in is "the best" doesn't mean it's the best fit for her, or at least the best fit for her right now.

 

[SKL]

Well, it sounds to me like the class is not the problem at all.  She has a hard time transitioning from play.  Have her do something less riveting for about 15-30 minutes before you need to go to dance, and see if that makes a difference.

 

My youngest is 6 and she used to give me such a hard time about hiphop.  I made her go because dropping it would have been harder on our schedule (just trust me).  Recently we did drop it because Miss A needs more time to study.  Guess who cried to see it end?  Yep.  The 6yo.  I wish we could make it happen again because both kids got something from it, despite being pretty busy overall.

[In The Great White North]

 

 

Well, it sounds to me like the class is not the problem at all.  She has a hard time transitioning from play.  Have her do something less riveting for about 15-30 minutes before you need to go to dance, and see if that makes a difference.

 

:iagree:   Maybe snack time, not presented as "getting ready for ballet".

[duckens]

Age 6 is the time to cast a wide net at trying things.

 

We've done gymnastics, tennis, swimming, softball, and a multitude of camps.  Most have been successes.  Some have been failures.

 

We do have a rule that "We finish our commitments."  (Time, money, others counting on us).

This is a good age to try many things.  It's easy to find beginning level classes, and everyone else is a beginner, too!  It's tougher to be 10yo in a class with 5yos learning to swim.  Ask me how I know.

 

If there is an issue of financial investment for equipment (says the mom who just finished searching Craig's List for beginner guitars), then expect a commitment of a commensurate period of time;  or ask the child to contribute 50% towards equipment.

 

 

 

 

[SevenDaisies]

It sounds like this program may not be a good fit for your daughter at this age. I honestly cannot imagine that forcing her to continue will foster a love of dance.

 

...

 

The fact that a kid is good at something does not mean she will love it or benefit from pursuing it in the long term. I happen to be a fantastic editor, but I hate it. And I cried myself to sleep many nights for 10 years knowing I had to get up and go to that job the next morning. If your daughter is good at ballet, she'll probably be good at lots of other things, too. And the fact that the school she is in is "the best" doesn't mean it's the best fit for her, or at least the best fit for her right now.

My son is a great swimmer, but all the blue ribbons have done nothing to make him enjoy it. It's frustrating because I think about how good he would be if he actually tried, but I can't make him like it. Like the pp stated, he is very athletic, and does well at pretty much any sport he tries. I just wish he liked the one where he excels - he doesn't.

 

Let her try a different school that is more fun or take a break. Christmas break is a good stopping point. I don't like for my children to quit either, but ballet has a long season usually lasting an entire school year. It's not like a baseball season that lasts 3 months. There is no one depending on her now. If you wait until after the new year, choreography and placement for recital pieces will begin and then quitting will affect others.

[Julie of KY]

I generally make my kids finish a commitment, but I think you should let her quit at the end of the commitment. Some things a parent has to make the decision that the child is doing it no matter what, but I don't think ballet falls in that category.

[lea_lpz]

I do have to say, her ballet class is definitely not a bunch of little ones twirling around in tutus and running around having a good time! It is serious business and they are truly training them! They are strict when it comes to technique and are good because of it! I must say the best in our area and are known for it. A good majority of their dances end up getting into highly distinguised ballet companies by the time they graduate. It's definitely where you go around here if you are serious about ballet! So maybe it's that! and maybe she's just not ready for that kind of thing. I definitely will sit down with her and have a heart to heart talk and TRULY listen to my daughter. But I guess I'm speaking from experiences I had with my older son......and am trying to make a point! He started boyscouts and quit, started karate and 3 months later quit, did gymnastics and didn't last 2 months there! See the pattern.....And not to mention all the money that was thrown away after buying all the equipment necessary for all these things! Finally now he is doing soccer and tried to quit as well, but I had had enough and would not let him quit and made him stick it out for the season. I'm just saying we can't raise our children to be quitters! And I don't want to send that message to my daughter either. I think I made that mistake with my son already!

I would tell them they have to finish the season and if they make that absolutely miserable, then don't sign them up for anything new that they ask a season so they learn from it and remind them why.

 

My dd did not like ballet. She's six. I told her she had to do finish the term and if she still didn't like it we would not re-enroll. She kept her end if the bargain but firmly told me she did the year and was done :). That was ok.

 

A year later she has started to take an interest in ballet. I want to hold off a full year and if she is still really interested we may give it a go.

 

I think that honestly the emphasis on starting kids really young is getting over the top. I think that they just aren't really learning anything between 4-7 they couldn't pick up easily in 1 year starting at 8 or 9 when they have the maturity and desire.

 

Play is very important work for young kids.

 

One of my priorities is that my kids have at least one hour of unstructured, imaginative indoor play a day and 3 weekday afternoons a week to play outdoors for 2 hours.

 

My kids do activities though.

 

We do AHG, a weekly horse back riding lesson and AWANA. They love all 3!

 

We've tried lots of things- ballet, gymnastics, music, art, swimming, etc, and I think for younger kids it's great to expose them to a lot of different stuff to see what they like so when you do become more invested in something it's long term and not a passing phase.

[DianeW88]

I do have to say, her ballet class is definitely not a bunch of little ones twirling around in tutus and running around having a good time!  It is serious business and they are truly training them!  They are strict when it comes to technique and are good because of it!  I must say the best in our area and are known for it.   A good majority of their dances end up getting into highly distinguised ballet companies by the time they graduate.  It's definitely where you go around here if you are serious about ballet!  So maybe it's that!  and maybe she's just not ready for that kind of thing. 

 

My dd is a professional ballerina.  No ballet school should start serious ballet training with any child under the age of eight...unless, of course, you want a whole host of chronic injuries for your dancer in her teen years.  Their bodies are not mature enough to execute turn-out properly.  They compensate for the lack of muscle development by turning out from their knees or by "hitching up" their hips.  It leads to knee injuries, hip injuries, back injuries, muscle pain, tendonitis, etc....not to mention the terrible habits that often become impossible to reverse in an older dancer.  If this school is doing this, then I would take my child out of class until she is older and her body is ready for that sort of training.  And if this school is having six year olds work from fifth position....I would run screaming from there and never look back.

[Happy2BaMom]

I wouldn't allow her to quit. Very unpopular opinion, I know. If it is her only extra-curricular and if she chose the activity and if you are confident nothing hurtful is going on, encouraging her to complete the year will do wonders for habit formation.

 

Learning that we don't quit has been one of the best lessons my girls have internalized . They can certainly decide not to enroll the following season or year, but we finish what we start. This wasn't so in my home growing up, but was true for DH's family. Now that my older girls are teens, their maturity and commitment amazes me. They participate in a grueling sport (distance swimming). It is HARD. But everything else in life will be easy compared to this. Because of their dedication, they've developed into top athletes and are proud of the accomplishments they've earned. I'm just proud of their work ethic - the lessons learned on the deck and in the pool will lead to success in all areas of their lives.

 

Had I allowed my girls to quit swimming when young (I could have written your post years ago), they would have learned a very different lesson.

 

Hmmmm, I view this as an individual situation rather than a universal rule...we followed the exact opposite path in our family and yet have had the same end results.

 

My son tried a number of things (at least 6 separate activities/sports) in his earlier years (ages 5 - 9) that he started, didn't like, and quit (sometimes we made him finish the session/semester/whatever, and sometimes we didn't, depending on $$/time/etc). We looked at it that that was the point of childhood - to try things out and find out what is of true interest and what is only a passing fancy. He is now almost 12 and has found his passions (swimming, piano and Boy Scouts, among certain academic interests). Although he occasionally complains about the work these activities take, it takes very little prodding on my part to keep him moving, and he has a lot of maturity, does much work independently in his interest areas, and has an excellent work ethic to boot, especially when I compare him to others his age.

 

My daughter was much like the OP's. She went to *the* ballet place in town from 5-7. Hated it. I wanted her to like it. She still hated it. We tried two different years, then I tried a second ballet place. Eventually I gave up, and through exploring other things, found that she loved figure skating. She's now 8, been skating two years, and loves it. It is hard (and sometimes painful) work, but she continues and is learning all the things I had hoped she would learn from ballet with excitement, interest, and drive on her part.

 

On one end of the spectrum is letting your child learn to quit anything when it gets difficult. On the other end is having your child never find a natural passion or work ethic because they are fulfilling your expectations rather than exploring their true and unique interests. Personally, I think age 6 is too young to have much in the way of expectations, but all I can do is tell what has worked for our family.

 

Best of luck in finding balance and happiness in your path with your kids.

 

[Erica in OR]

I may have missed it in the thread, but how long has she been attending the school? Just this school year so far? Previous years as well?

 

Erica in OR