Siblings Sharing Room by Choice?

[Paige]

We are thinking about putting all 3 of our girls into one bedroom. Currently, the twins share one room and the younger one has her own room. I had a crazy idea of putting them all together today. I thought none of them would go for it, but surprisingly, they all agreed. Now, I'm reconsidering and not sure if it will really be a good idea.

Will they fight more? Will they regret it and whine? What about their stuff? The room they'd share has a large closet, but it is already full. I'd have to find a place for what I'm storing there and we'd have to commit to storing all of their out of season clothes somewhere else. I am not a really good home organizer and not so good at decluttering.

It came up because we were thinking about getting our youngest a new bed. It's currently a crib with the sides off and turned into a daybed. She's 6. She fits fine but has been coming into our room every night lately and I thought maybe it was because her bed wasn't that comfortable and ours is. Her bed converts to a full size bed but her room would be pretty cramped with a full sized bed and her toys. Her room is normal sized, I guess. At least normal sized for an American home. It isn't super big or really tiny. We'd have to buy a conversion kit, mattress, and comforter set to convert her bed.

Her sisters are 9 and have bunk beds with a trundle bed under them. I thought to myself, that trundle with a perfectly good mattress is going to waste! We wouldn't have to buy anything. Right now, their beds are unbunked and cannot be easily bunked in the room they are in. Their room is tiny- it's about the size of a large walk in closet, but it's attached to a huge bonus room that they use as a play room. They want to have bunk beds again, but we told them they'd have to wait until we moved. We have no idea when we'll move, but we're military so it'll happen eventually.

Even though their room is small, they've been perfectly happy there and it suits their needs. They just really want bunk beds. The little one wants to do it because she says she won't be scared at night anymore because she's alone; which is why she says she's coming into our room. The big ones want to do it because they see it as the only way they'll get bunk beds. The twins are very close and rarely fight. They do not get along as well with the younger one. It's not horrible, but I think anyone who isn't a twin would sort of feel left out around them. I'm unsure if sharing a room would help them to let little sister into their world more, or if it would make it more obvious that they exclude her sometimes.

I have no idea what we'd do with the room the older girls would leave. It's kind of useless- too big to be a closet and too small to be a room. I thought maybe we could get a futon and turn the girls' room into a quiet room for reading and a space for people to go when they want to be alone. We could also put a guest in there, but it couldn't be a proper guest room. Or we could use it for storage and as a closet for the playroom. Whatever we did with it, it would not be super useful or any sort of bonus to me. It would be different if I could turn it into a guest room or school room. My mom and DH think it is not a good idea. Before I suggested it, the older girls had also talked of wanting their own rooms the next time we move. I am shocked that they were enthusiastic.

[Gentlemommy]

We just moved into a house with an extra bedroom (4/3 vs our previous 3/2) and my three decided to share a room. They are 3, 5, and 8. The bigs have a bunk bed and the toddler an Ikea toddler bed (which is an odd size, bigger than an american toddler bed, but smaller than a twin). Anyway, it has resulted in LESS fighting. Weird. My oldest had her own room in our previous house, and she got to be where she was very territorial. Lol. Now, the room they sleep in is just that. A place to sleep. They each have four cubes on an Expidet (Ikea) shelf for their personal belongings, and those are off limits to siblings. As are their beds. If someone goes into their bed for space/quiet, the other two must respect that and give them space. It has been a great thing for us. As for the extra two rooms? One became our hs room (well, really our hs supply room, as we hs everywhere) slash guest room (because it's downstairs and has its own entry to it's own bathroom, it's the perfect guest space) and the other became the playroom. I was never one for playrooms, but I like that they can set up a Lego creation/dollhouse/horses and barn, and leave it up for tomorrow without it being in the middle of the house. The clothing is stored in both the sleeping room and the playroom, but it's well organized and tidy. Hth

[SKL]

My girls, age 6 & 7, love sharing.  Sometimes they even snuggle together on one crowded, cluttered bunk.  :)  I am sure they would not like having to sleep in their own rooms.  They find the current arrangement comforting.

 

Their room is also pretty small, but they have a play area in the "family room," which is the room their bedroom opens into.  Most of their toys stay in the play area.  Could you use the 6yo's old room as a play area for all three girls?

[Baseball mom]

I would move most toys and extra stuff into the vacant room and call it the play room.  Maybe put out of season clothes in totes in the playroom and make the totes be a table or shelf for dolls, tea sets or stuff like that.  You could cover the totes with a sheet or tablecloth so they look pretty if you didn't want just totes showing.

[deannajo]

we moved into this house a year ago and each girl has their own room, and there's a large bonus room upstairs for them to hang out in - well all three of them have slept together in that bonus room nearly every night since we moved in! And they love it. I wish I'd known they'd do this - we could have bought a house with less bedrooms.

[myfunnybunch]

My boys share a room by choice.

 

My 12 y.o. decided to try his own room during a term when we weren't hosting an exchange student in our downstairs bedroom. He lasted two and one-half nights. He came out halfway through the third night to ask if it was okay to move back because it was too quiet because he couldn't hear anyone breathing.

 

They get along really well. Not 24/7, but they have to work things out because they share a space and can't go to their rooms and close the doors when they get mad at one another.

 

My middle is quite an introvert, but he has solved his own need for more privacy by using the bottom bunk and making a "curtain" with a blanket or sheet when he needs some time to himself.

 

Cat

 

 

[Camelfeet]

My 10 and 6 year old ask a couple times a year to share a room.  It never works out.  I've caved twice and its always fights, whispering and staying up late, or misusing the other child's things.  

 

We've got three beds and I always dream of turning one into a school/play room... I wish it could work out!

[Hypatia.]

My kids share, boys have a room and girls have a room.  Each girl will wake up if the other isn't in the room for some reason.  DS1 was so happy when DS2 (kid #4) was born because he finally got a roommate.

[MollyAnn]

We have 4 bedrooms and when we moved in 10 months ago each kid had their own room.
About 3 weeks ago the boys asked to share a room again, they are 11 and almost 6.
It seems to be working, they do fight during the day but not about anything to do with their room.

[Amber in SJ]

Our three girls shared a room when they were 2, 6 & 9.  They had one room they slept in with three beds and a closet  for clothes and all their toys were in what was playroom that doubled as the guest room.  My oldest dd complained about sharing and when something hideous happened to the mattress of the 2yo's bed (I will spare you the details) and we had to special order a new one I thought it  would be a perfect time to let my oldest dd have her own room.  Every night of the three weeks while we waited for the replacement dd went to bed in the playroom, but ended up back in bed with her sisters or all of them ended up in the bed in the playroom together. 

 

It doesn't have to be set in stone.  Try it out and see if it works.

 

Amber in SJ

[Heidi]

My five kids share a room. 2 bunk beds, 1 crib.

My two oldest daughters dd9 & dd7 are best friends and struggle getting along with dd5, but I think having them share a room has helped bring them closer as sisters. I imagine if I had separated them they would never include her in their clique. They do pretty good. It improves as dd5 matures.

I've had ds3 and dd2 in a separate room from the older siblings the last few months, but just moved them back in to make room for the baby that is due to arrive any time now. Baby will have his own room until he sleeps through the night. The five kids together do just fine.

[Samiam]

My DS10 and DS7 have their own rooms....but sleep together almost every night.  They are either sleeping in my bed (DH works nights so he's not home), or on the nights DH  is home, we've implemented a rule that they can not sleep in our room on DH's nights off, they end up sleeping in together in one of their rooms...one head on each end of a twin bed.   Why, I have no idea.     I mean, they fight quite often during the day.    On the rare occasion, they will each sleep in their own room.   They ask about once a month to share a bedroom, put their bunk beds together (they each have one bed from a bunkbed set).

 

I consider putting them together, in one room.  That would be the "bed room" and the other room could be a "dressing room" of sorts, with the dressers, etc.    DH doesn't want to do that, as we are planning on moving in April, so he doesn't want to do the work of rearranging (which also means taking the beds apart to put them back in bunkbed formation), and then do it all again, in 6 months.    I don't want to do it because I don't want to hear them asking to have their own rooms again, once we do the work of putting them together.   For now, this arrangement works...your own room, and if you choose to share at night, so be it.  But I do like the idea of a shared bedroom.  I think it brings a closeness of those nighttime conversations, etc, that is often missed when we all go off to our own space at night.  

[mom2bee]

I slept with some mix of my siblings until I was in college. Even now, I sleep in the room with someone if I get the choice/chance.

My older sister and I shared a room until she left and told me to quit following her. When I was a kid, my brother had his own room, but he slept in the girls room unless we had other girls as over-night guests. Sometimes my little sisters or brothers will want to sleep in my room and I almost always let them.

 

So, maybe I'm biased (I have always wondered how only-children sleep!) but I think that sharing a room is a good idea, especially if the kids want to!

[Anne]

It sounds to me as if you can't really lose by giving it a try.  If it doesn't work out, then you can go out and buy whatever you need to turn the younger's current bedroom into a better situation for her.

 

If everybody wants to try it, I'd do it.  I'd probably say up front that we would try it for a set period of time - this would give you a graceful (easier?) way to end it if it didn't seem to be working.

 

Anne

[Wilma]

I'd totally give it a go!

 

I have 4 girls - aged 2, 4, 6 and 8.  Right now 2 and 6 share a room and 4 and 8 share, with a set of bunk beds in each (tiny) kid room.  I have a crazy idea of putting all four of them in the (huge) master bedroom so we can have a bonus room, but I can't talk the huz into giving up our nice closet.

 

If I were to follow through with my scheme, I'd set a timeframe -- we'll give this a whirl for 3 months and see how everyone likes it.  Before that I'd not make any major furniture purchases or even paint, but after that we'd commit for a more long-term stay.

[JennyD]

My three boys -- ages 3, 5, and 8 -- share a room.  They seem perfectly happy crammed in there, and I do think it has helped the 3yo to grow closer to his older brothers, who are *very* tight with one another.    

 

The only complication is that we have to stagger bedtimes, otherwise whoever is the least tired will inevitably start bugging his brothers.  And we use our guest room as overflow space for sick kids.  

[Guest inoubliable]

My three boys share a bedroom by choice. 13, 8, and will-be-six-in-five-days. Their bedroom is only for sleeping and changing clothes in, though. Maybe if they had toys and clutter in there, they might argue over it? I doubt it, but I guess it's a possibility. DS13 has never asked for his own room, despite being an official teen. 

[MeaganS]

My three girls share a room currently at 5,3, and 18 months. We only have 2 twin beds in there and they sleep on whatever one they want. It has been excellent for my oldest who is hfa because they spend a lot of time playing together at night and she is much closer to her sisters than I think she would be otherwise. Because the girls only span about three and a half years, we want them to be as close as possible and will likely have them share a room for a long time to come. Oh, and the only thing in their room is their beds. Even their dresser is in a different room, although that is more because my 3 year old would dump all the clothes out of it every night if it were in her room. All the toys are in our playroom.

[fairfarmhand]

try one sleeping room and one playroom.

[Paige]

See- we already have a large playroom and we have a large basement as another playroom. Our house has a super weird layout with lots of open space that can't function as bedrooms and few rooms that actually work as normal bedrooms. The small room is too small to set up as bunk beds and we wouldn't be able to pull out the trundle in it. I can't put all three in there and there's no point making it a playroom when it is adjacent to the real playroom that is larger than our living room. I could use it as a storage room or as a time out room or something.

Now, I have 1 older and the little one who want to make the move and 1 older (who wouldn't get the top bunk) who is unsure. She says she loves her tiny room and likes being in a small space.

[SKL]

Could you use the tiny room as a study / reading room / library?

[Paige]

Updating this:
They moved into the same room last fall and it has definitely brought the girls closer together. Little sister is rarely excluded anymore and big sisters actually come up with fun games and surprises for her. She's not just grudgingly included, but actively sought out. They are all getting along better and little sister is happier and no longer waking me up in the middle of the night because she's "scared" to be alone.

On the downside, it's impossible to keep the room clean! We had a problem setting up the bunkbed's ladder so the trundle is permanently in the middle of the room until DH fixes it. That will probably never happen. With the trundle in the middle, there's no room to play or set up the storage I'd imagined and the closet is a nightmare because of it. I'll take the mess if it gives me happier and kinder girls.

The tiny room has turned into an American Girl school, bedroom, party zone, etc.

[Amy in NH]

Updating this:
They moved into the same room last fall and it has definitely brought the girls closer together. Little sister is rarely excluded anymore and big sisters actually come up with fun games and surprises for her. She's not just grudgingly included, but actively sought out. They are all getting along better and little sister is happier and no longer waking me up in the middle of the night because she's "scared" to be alone.

On the downside, it's impossible to keep the room clean! We had a problem setting up the bunkbed's ladder so the trundle is permanently in the middle of the room until DH fixes it. That will probably never happen. With the trundle in the middle, there's no room to play or set up the storage I'd imagined and the closet is a nightmare because of it. I'll take the mess if it gives me happier and kinder girls.

The tiny room has turned into an American Girl school, bedroom, party zone, etc.

 

Can you fix it yourself?  I can often fix things like this - and if I try and find I can't then DH is usually willing to step in (but not if I'm not actively trying at the time I ask for help).

[Paige]

Can you fix it yourself?  I can often fix things like this - and if I try and find I can't then DH is usually willing to step in (but not if I'm not actively trying at the time I ask for help).

I could only fix it by buying a new after market ladder that's not made for it and it would not be an ideal solution. We have had the bed for 6yrs but never bunked them before. When we did, we discovered that we had received the ladder for a different model and it's incompatible. The people we bought it from are out of business. I found a replacement from the manufacturer but it is really expensive for just a ladder.

[Amy in NH]

Oh, that stinks.  If you explain the problem to the manufacturer, maybe they'd be willing to help you out?

[Paige]

Oh, that stinks.  If you explain the problem to the manufacturer, maybe they'd be willing to help you out?

They'll help for $200+.

[Amy in NH]

Oof!  You should tell us who it is so that none of us are subject to their lousy customer service...

 

Word of mouth.

 

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