OK, so what does the teacher want me to do about this?

[SKL]

I received this note via Jupiter Grades (online progress reporting system) today:

 

"Miss A is having difficulty completing assignments on time. She is easily distracted and chooses not to follow along in classroom discussions. I feel her potential is higher than what is currently being displayed."

 

So.  As I've mentioned, teacher and I sat down and talked about this 2 weeks into the school year; it's not news that Miss A has trouble following along.  But the above comment opines that MIss A is *choosing* to have this problem.  And the "potential is higher than this" is almost identical to what the 1st grade teacher said around this time last year.

 

As I explained to the teacher a month ago, last year Miss A tried to keep up and asked the teacher to slow down, but eventually without any accommodations she gave up on listening.  Sounds like she may be doing this again.  It may look like she "chooses" not to follow along, but any human will eventually lose interest in something they cannot follow.  I don't believe she is choosing to fall behind.  Why would anyone do that?

 

Teacher put her desk in the back corner of the room, nearest the classroom door, which is kept open.  Naturally she is distracted.  I warned her about this but she had her reasons and I figured she'd revisit her decision if there was a problem.  The other thing is that she lets the kids have a snack during the time they are supposed to be doing math.  Just not conducive to focus for a kid who already struggles.

 

I don't know how to respond to this note, or even if a response is expected.  I don't know what she wants me to do.  Whip my kid, maybe?  I already tried all kinds of things designed to help with this kind of problem.  I think there has been progress, but the issue isn't one that can be fixed overnight.  Incentives do help, but the teacher is in a position to offer these, I'm not.

 

At some point I think the teacher needs to accept that my kid has difficulties and there is no magic bullet.

 

I have to say that I've been a poor listener all my life.  At age 47 I still cannot maintain focus on a lecture.  Some people just can't.  It isn't ideal but I've managed to get through life pretty OK.  There are other ways to learn.

 

Should I send teacher an email asking what suggestions she has?  Or just wait until the next direct communication from/with the teacher?  Any words of wit and wisdom?

[Petrichor]

I'd send an email asking the teacher what her suggestions would be. "What do you think we could do to ensure that Miss A can reach her potential?"

[Arcadia]

Can your "easily distracted" daughter be seated as near to the front of the class as possible? She needs to be in the teacher's line of sight so that it is easier to pay attention and easier for her to signal she needs help.

Snacks and math time, that is a tough one. My younger would be distracted by snacks.

[MistyMountain]

I wish I had advice but I am newer to this than you. I would either call or email whatever the teacher prefers. My dd is seated up front by the teacher. I don't know if she was sat there because of what I said about her having a hard time focusing and getting distracted or if she just happened to get sat there but I am glad she is seated there. I think it would be helpful to move your dd to the front. Having snack time at the same time as math would be extremely distracting to my dd. I agree with you that when a child is having trouble focusing or participating it isn't always from them choosing to do it. 

[SKL]

Well, I sent her an email asking what she suggests, and offering her a few suggestions.  We'll see how that goes over.

 

I think the teacher means well, but if she can't deal with my kid, PS here we come.  Life is too short, and childhood is even shorter.

[kiwik]

I can't see much you can do. The teacher could "choose" to do the sensible thing and put the kid at the front where she is not so distracted. I don't get the snack thing - isn't that what recess is for?

[Uff Da!]

My guess is she is just noting difficulties and doesn't expect you to do much because you are not in the classroom with her.

 

I would still try to stay optimistic at this point.

[SKL]

I got an answer back from the teacher this morning.  She says she did move my kid's desk to the front right after our meeting.  She also said my kid does listen and follow along and participate part of the time, but other times she just sits with her pencil doing nothing.  She says she gives her a ton of personal attention to try to keep her on task.  She said she sent the note to keep me informed in case I was wondering why some of my kid's grades were "not what I expected."  (She had some poor grades on a few items of seatwork.)

 

So I talked to Miss A and thanked the teacher and here's hoping I panicked for nothing.  ;)

 

I told Miss A that she is going to have some consequences if I continue to hear that she's sitting and doing nothing when the class is supposed to be writing etc.  Now I have to figure out what those consequences should be.

[Arcadia]

She also said my kid does listen and follow along and participate part of the time, but other times she just sits with her pencil doing nothing. 

The teacher sounds a lot better than last year.  However I do think you need to figure out what triggers your child to "drift off".  Is it boredom, or she does not like writing, or she has a shorter attention span and it is all used up listening to her teacher, or something else.

[vonfirmath]

I feel for you SKL!

 

I've got a first grader with the same problems, over and over again. And trying to figure out what you can do at home to deal with them. And wondering if these are normal problems or if we've done something wrong with raising him. And how much of what he is telling us is the truth versus his interpretation of the events "I hit the kid with my hands because I was talking with hands and they swung back behind me and he was there" kind of thing.

 

He is seemingly honest in the things I can check -- even telling me when he got in trouble in school and helping me find the sheet in his folder he brought home after I couldn't find it. But still... it can't -always- be not his fault, know?

[SKL]

The teacher sounds a lot better than last year.  However I do think you need to figure out what triggers your child to "drift off".  Is it boredom, or she does not like writing, or she has a shorter attention span and it is all used up listening to her teacher, or something else.

 

I'll try to get my kid to tell me her view of it.  However, she seems rather annoyed by the whole topic these days.  She says she's doing a lot better than first grade and wonders why everyone isn't happy with that.

 

She has appointments next month to check in with her vision, listening, and retained reflex doctor/therapist.  She will be 7 in a couple of weeks, so I'll see if it makes sense to get her officially tested for APD.  But at some point she has to be the one to decide to work hard in school.  I know she has the stamina - I've seen her do much harder things.  The question is how to motivate her.

 

[beishan]

I have been there last year when my son was in first garde. Your daughter is still young and maybe things will be different after she turns 7. Mine is doing much better in second grade (he will turn 8 by the end of year). At least so far I do not hear complaint from teacher and no more incomplete work in the folder. He even finishes all his homeworks by himself in aftercare.

 

We used reward method to motivate him last year and continue through summer. He gets 2 stickers if he does all his seatworks by himself. He gets 1 sticker if he does them with extra help. He gets 0 if any incomplete assignment is in his homework folder. He will also have to use his play time to complete the work at home. Every 10 stickers, he can exchange 1 pokemon card at his choice. I let him preview all the cards I have and hang the one he wants next in the room to keep him up. He was very into collecting the cards at that time. I even bought him the collection folder. In addition, I remind him every morning before I drop him off and ask him if he complete all his school wroks when I pick him up. By the end of first grade, finally we resolved this issue.

[Freckles]

You may have addressed this in earlier posts; so, please forgive me if it is a repeat question. Is she developmentally ready for the grade she is in? It appears that she struggled in first as well. She is a very young second grader. Would placing her in a "Gift of time" classroom or something similar help. The private school I worked in had GOT. It was for the kids who didn't need to repeat K, but they needed extra time to catch up. Again, just my experience, placing her in ps will not solve this issue. With 35 kids in a class, at least here in CA, I doubt the teacher would even notice she wasn't paying attention if she is quiet. Wishing you the best

[AMJ]

My eldest is ADD (primarily inattentive), quite strongly so.  She had a lot of teachers over the years who thought she was choosing to not pay attention -- turns out she really can't maintain it.  She also has slow processing speed, and even if she's listening she can't repeat back what you just said (not right away -- ask her tomorrow and she'll have it).  We lucked out and got a gem of a teacher for 2nd grade, who then moved on to 3rd grade with the class (so we had her for 2 years).

 

I'm sure DD gets these traits from me.  When I was a kid I was always front and center -- I was nearsighted, and it kept growing worse.  I had glasses, sure, but I still needed that front and center seat to be able to see the board.  This also had the advantage of removing quite a lot of distractions that otherwise would have derailed me.  Most of my teachers kept my interest.  One did not, but she also seemed to hate me (did things no parent will put up with), and insisted I sit in back with the "trouble-makers".

 

Front and center is good, and might help.  However, please realize that even that position in the classroom might not fix things.  DD certainly looked like she was choosing her behavior, and spent many a year with very strong stress over school because of the blame.  We had her tested (again -- the first test administered in 1st grade was garbage) at the start of 5th grade, and found out just how serious her problem is.

 

Please also note:  I hated the idea of labeling my kid, and was quite resistant going in to talk to the neuropsychologist for the follow-up.  I walked out of there with a new attitude, and feeling like a light had finally turned on.  Contrary to popular belief not every neuropsych wants to medicate every kid -- ours told us medication was NOT indicated for DD, and could very well backfire.  What we got was information, lots of it, measurable results, and a list of accommodations to be met.  We got a much better idea of how DD's brain works, and how we can help her learn more effectively.

 

Many of the accommodations the school was "unable" to provide, including the separate room free of distraction and extra time for the standardized tests.  The only things we could get them to do is not take off for messy work (dysgraphia), and let her mark in the test booklet and not on Scantron forms (bubble sheets).  We spent the rest of the school year reminding teachers of DD's diagnoses (mostly to decrease their frustration and tendency to believe she chose to space out) and re-teaching most everything at home.

 

My point in all this is to not just accept that it's the kid's choice if they space out.  Some really can't help it.  Will they need to manage this by the time they are adults?  You betcha.  But that's hard to do, and a big load to expect ANYONE to get down pat on top of school work.  It takes years.  Consider getting your DD tested if the problem persists.  There may be more going on than you realize.

 

 

[idnib]

It's interesting that the teacher actually says your daughter chooses not to participate in discussions, not that she chooses to be distracted or chooses to have difficulty with assignments. I don't know if she deliberately chose her words carefully but it's something I noticed.

[Paige]

I'm probably going to get flack for this, but with all the stress she had last year, the kid has a point. If she's doing better, how about just letting the teacher deal at school, and let her get the grades she's going to get. She's what, 2nd grade? Is she failing or falling significantly behind on actual learning rather than work load? It's ok to be average and not live up to potential in 2nd grade. I think it's more important for her to start to develop positive associations with school and learning and frequent criticism will only discourage her.

 

I know lots of kids who just don't care that much in lower elementary who go on to have excellent grades later on. I'd tell the teacher thanks for sharing and say nothing to Miss A about it at home.

 

ETA- I know it's easier said than done. I'd have been totally stressed with my first kid, but I'm learning to chill. My 4th kid has things so much easier than the rest of them did.

[Arcadia]

  She says she's doing a lot better than first grade and wonders why everyone isn't happy with that.

 

She has appointments next month to check in with her vision, listening, and retained reflex doctor/therapist.  She will be 7 in a couple of weeks, so I'll see if it makes sense to get her officially tested for APD. 

As a going to be 7, I would be unhappy too that my effort/improvement was kind of not acknowledge.   Hope you get the answers you need from the testing so that both of you can move forward and have a less taxing time this year.  My turning 8 is similar in a way and I am trying to figure out what testing to do before checking costs.

[SKL]

I wish I could get feedback from the teacher more frequently.  How am I to know whether she is listening better after I make some adjustment at home?  My kid certainly isn't going to tell me "I spent half an hour staring into space today, Mom."

 

[mathnerd]

I wish I could get feedback from the teacher more frequently.  How am I to know whether she is listening better after I make some adjustment at home?  My kid certainly isn't going to tell me "I spent half an hour staring into space today, Mom."

Does your kid's school allow for short phone conferences with the teacher? Mine does - and I put in a request once a month or so just to touch base with the teacher. And I have gotten very interesting feedback - things that I would not have known otherwise. It just takes a few minutes of everyone's time and the teacher is happier with it because she does not have to take teaching time off to sit with me in a meeting but just call me in her free time. I find these a lot more helpful than the email communications with the teacher because she can describe the child's behavior patterns in greater detail.

I am happy for you and your daughters that the 2nd grade year is going a lot more smoothly than 1st grade.

[swellmomma]

Just a question on this. You have posted before that your girls are accelerated in school, If she is unable to focus appropriately and this was an issue last year as well why is she accelerated?  Just because she can academically do the work when there is no distractions doesn't mean she should be there kwim.  It's like she is being set up to fail. 

I would get her screened for add, potential hearing or processing issues etc just to rule them out.  Other wise there is not a lot you can do at home about it, if there is an underlieing issue you can work with that, but you are not going to be sitting in class reminding her to stay focused so there is not much about that you can do other than advocating to have her seating arrangement changed.

[FairProspects]

I question the use of "choosing" not to focus also. If there are learning issues, she isn't choosing anything, she just cannot. do. it. Does she have a 504 or anything else in place to help her focus? The ability to work in a quiet space, figdets, or sensory helps like gum, velcro strips, bands on her chair legs to let her stretch?

[SKL]

Just a question on this. You have posted before that your girls are accelerated in school, If she is unable to focus appropriately and this was an issue last year as well why is she accelerated?  Just because she can academically do the work when there is no distractions doesn't mean she should be there kwim.  It's like she is being set up to fail. 

 

I would get her screened for add, potential hearing or processing issues etc just to rule them out.  Other wise there is not a lot you can do at home about it, if there is an underlieing issue you can work with that, but you are not going to be sitting in class reminding her to stay focused so there is not much about that you can do other than advocating to have her seating arrangement changed.

 

She was accelerated because her previous school recruited her into KG, because they tested her and found her to be ready.  (She had been in their preschool program for 2 years.)  She did great in KG, tested above average, model behavior, so she went on to 1st grade at her current school.  After that point there was no way I was flunking her unless she was not a fit socially (she is a great fit) or if she was not acquiring the knowledge (she is).  If she were 10 days older, she would not be "accelerated" but she would be in exactly the same boat.  I don't believe in flunking a child just because her learning style is different.

 

Also, she is not failing; in fact, her grades are pretty good overall.  As good as her gifted sister's grades right now.  She has to work harder, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.  She has her own set of valuable strengths that pull her through.

 

Even if I could turn back time, knowing what I know, I still think I would have put her in school when I did.  Otherwise her younger sister would be in a higher grade.  Of course there are things I would have done differently with hindsight, but not that.

[SKL]

I question the use of "choosing" not to focus also. If there are learning issues, she isn't choosing anything, she just cannot. do. it. Does she have a 504 or anything else in place to help her focus? The ability to work in a quiet space, figdets, or sensory helps like gum, velcro strips, bands on her chair legs to let her stretch?

 

No, no accommodations other than the obvious stuff.  She doesn't have a diagnosis and I'm not sure how much her school would do in any case.

[fraidycat]

Wait. She's still only 6, but in 2nd grade? Soon to be 7, but still she is SIX.

 

Honestly, I don't think accommodations are what is needed. She's probably just not ready for 2nd grade.

[swellmomma]

I don't mean fail as in flunking class academically.  I mean fail in that she can't succeed in the classroom setting with focus and such getting her into trouble etc.  I am sorry but if the teacher is messaging about this obviously it is a concern enough to bring it up.  She may have good marks when she is able to focus, she may do fine playing with the other kids, but something is impeding that, now whether it is an issue like ADD, or a choice, who knows, that can't be determined without further testing.  But I would not call her successful if she is getting in trouble in class for not focusing and not completing work and not participating.  This is not a new issue, and even if she has improved this year it is still an issue.  She can not fully succeed if these things are happening.  It is not a matter of flunking a child or her earning failing grades, she can be 2E and be bright enough to earn high grades despite other issues holding her back.  The only way to know for sure is further assessment. 

[SKL]

As much as I would love to make excuses for my kid, I'm sure there's a line beyond which she is in fact making a choice.  It's interesting to see how much better and faster she works (at home, anyway) if there is an incentive that she cares about.  Last Thursday she had a lot of homework and I was afraid she'd be up really late finishing it.  So I offered her something she likes, and said that she wasn't getting xyz unless she finished all her work in a reasonable time frame.  Magically she got through a pile of work in record time.  Yes, she has processing issues, but she isn't hopelessly disabled.  She can be motivated to do better.

[SKL]

Like I said (I think), she has appointments with her eye doctor / therapists to see if she needs more therapy.  And I will be looking into an APD eval now that she is old enough.  As for ADD, every doctor and therapist who has actually worked with her has said unequivocally that she does not have an attention or behavior problem.

 

Also, she is not "getting in trouble" as in disrupting class or anything of that nature.  The teacher just wants her to participate more as that would improve some of her seatwork.

 

I am coming from the perspective of a grown woman who can't listen to a lecture myself.  I can't even participate in a conference call without playing solitaire on my computer (something brainlessly busy that lets me listen at least partially).  I drew scribbles all over my notebooks in college and law school, instead of taking notes.  In elementary school, I was constantly daydreaming.  If listening were a make or break skill, I would be on skid row right now.  Thankfully I can read - and thankfully so can my daughter.  And for the record, I was young in school and I would have died of boredom if I'd had to sit in the grade below me.  I definitely would not have been a better listener if there were even less to engage my mind.

 

Studies have been done to see if holding a child back reduces the likelihood of these kinds of problems.  When it comes to learning problems, holding a child back only delays the assistance the kid needs to receive.  It doesn't magically make challenged kids into top students.  I've personally known kids who have been held back and none of them did well the next year; some failed multiple times, and many dropped out eventually.  If anything, keeping a kid in the lower grades longer will only drag out the issues that are tied to listening.  In higher grades, listening becomes less important as kids are expected to gain knowledge by reading, experimenting, etc.

 

I realize some of you would have waited to put your kid in KG and that is fine, but at this point, it is what it is.  She is not going to repeat a grade on account of daydreaming.

[eloquacious]

As much as I would love to make excuses for my kid, I'm sure there's a line beyond which she is in fact making a choice. It's interesting to see how much better and faster she works (at home, anyway) if there is an incentive that she cares about. Last Thursday she had a lot of homework and I was afraid she'd be up really late finishing it. So I offered her something she likes, and said that she wasn't getting xyz unless she finished all her work in a reasonable time frame. Magically she got through a pile of work in record time. Yes, she has processing issues, but she isn't hopelessly disabled. She can be motivated to do better.

In some ways, this sounds like my son. Working with me one on one, he is capable of first and even second grade work, and academically he is ahead of his K class.... But in school he gets fidgety and distracted, and frankly I'm glad he is "only" in K so that the stakes aren't as high. I would tend to agree with others who question the appropriateness of accelerating your daughter, despite her academic qualifications.

[Uff Da!]

Dh and I had an interesting discussion tonight that is somewhat relevant to what eloquacious is saying:

 

When we made the heart wrenching decision to accelerate DD, I was the one who was told "make your decision and don't look back."  With every little blip that comes up, I remember that advice because I have a Dh who was not there when this advice was urgently handed out and does look back when there is the slightest complaint.  I think he needed to hear that advice.  We don't get Utopia regardless of what decision we make.  There would have been issues had we not decided to accelerate and, like SKL, I believe we chose the best path for our DD.  We can simply do our best with the hand that is before us.

 

If anyone is wondering what our blip is: It's perfectionism - which seems to be getting better as the work load increases.  

[SKL]

If I knew then what I know now, I would have gotten her some therapies earlier, and worked with both girls more on math, and maybe I would have chosen a different school for my girls (based on our 1st grade experience).  But I would not have held the girls back.

 

Be that as it may, I don't understand what is the point of criticizing that decision now.  The kid is in 2nd grade.  There's no going back.  Even aside from all other arguments, there is no way I would be subjecting my kid to a second year of the teacher she had for 1st grade.

 

But if we're going to talk about coulda-shoulda, I'd like to change the fact that in my kids' class, every child born between June and September was redshirted.  The problem IMO is not that my kid is 10 days young, but that the average age in the class is 4 months older than it should be.  Even so, I've been told (by the school psych) that my kid is not the only kid with focus problems, and plenty of the other kids have behavior or learning problems.  Just because the teacher is pointing out a concern does not mean my kid is a reject.

[eloquacious]

The problem IMO is not that my kid is 10 days young, but that the average age in the class is 4 months older than it should be. 

 

 

Very true. There is a 7 year-old boy in my son's K class... and holy cow, the dude looks it.

[eleileen]

good luck! I have a young-er K son too (end of July baby). lots of people (inc his pre-K) teacher told us to hold him back due to his age, but since he's already reading and doing math at grade 1-2 level, we decided to just get him started with K this year and he is thriving so far! (though we get complaints from him about the work being too easy sometimes).

[mathnerd]

and worked with both girls more on math 

 

SKL, are you seeing problems only in math and not in other subjects? It looks like that from your post. I remember that this school uses Singapore Math curriculum - is the problem you are seeing related to the teachers not doing a good job with SM? Have you bought books like Extra practice, Tests, Intensive practice and CWP from SM and used those as a supplement? Maybe that would help to get more practice especially if you use the SM Tests book to test your kids in advance.

Have you considered that it might be better to accelerate your children by teaching SM at a more faster pace so that they are working one semester level ahead than the teacher (e.g. 2B when the teacher is on 2A)? I know that it is really hard to find the time to do that, but if you could find a math tutoring center or a tutor on the weekends, it might go much faster and easier.

 

Good luck.

[SKL]

SKL, are you seeing problems only in math and not in other subjects? It looks like that from your post. I remember that this school uses Singapore Math curriculum - is the problem you are seeing related to the teachers not doing a good job with SM? Have you bought books like Extra practice, Tests, Intensive practice and CWP from SM and used those as a supplement? Maybe that would help to get more practice especially if you use the SM Tests book to test your kids in advance.

Have you considered that it might be better to accelerate your children by teaching SM at a more faster pace so that they are working one semester level ahead than the teacher (e.g. 2B when the teacher is on 2A)? I know that it is really hard to find the time to do that, but if you could find a math tutoring center or a tutor on the weekends, it might go much faster and easier.

 

Good luck.

 

Math is the only area where either of my kids has to work hard to keep up in terms of knowledge / skills.  And it is because their foundation isn't what it should be for a kid in Singapore 2A.  They did not use Singapore in KG, and in 1st, the school had just switched to Singapore and the teacher didn't really get it.  They only got through maybe 2/3 of the 1st grade curriculum, and I don't think a lot of it stuck.

 

We did work on math over the summer and I do have a variety of Singapore materials to work with at home.  Right now I think many in the class are struggling with problems like 258+364.  They were supposed to have a test today (Friday), but the teacher postponed it a couple of days.  Miss A is getting it, partly due to practice at home.

 

On paper, Miss A has a 100% going in math so far, but part of that is thanks to hand-holding.  And the teacher does not grade the "practice" worksheets.

 

I'm not sure what is available as far as accessible tutoring.  Maybe I will look into that.  I don't mind working with her at home, but time is very tight as I work full-time and they are in aftercare until 6pm.  It would be helpful for someone to come to her during aftercare.  I had asked last year about getting a teacher, aide, or 8th-grade student to do this, but nothing ever came of that.

[Dmmetler]

Your girls are in an LCMS school, right? If so, the 8th graders will be preparing for confirmation. It may be worth it to talk to the 8th grade teacher or to the pastor and see if any of them would be interested in tutoring during after care as part of their service hours. I know the upper school kids at my DD's former LCMS school did a lot of service/support with younger ones, and that there are parents, every year, on FB and in the church newsletter basically begging us to "let our kid come help you out!!".

 

 

 

 

[kiwik]

She is six and the teacher or what she is supposed to be doing is probably not the most interesting thing in the world. I would be surprised if she did pay attention. You do expect a lot of your kids and yourself - I couldn't keep your schedule and I'm pretty sure my boys couldn't manage your girls' schedule.

[trulycrabby]

Gosh, maybe I missed something, but it seems like your daughter is doing very well in school; her grades are good, she gets along well with her classmates. So, her mind was wandering a bit in class; she still manages to learn the material and complete her work. If I got that note, I would just write a purposely vague note back to the teacher saying somthing like "thanks for bringing this matter to our attention" and forget about it.

 

I would be a little miffed at the teacher, actually as I think she was being too critical. Very often children seem to be wandering when they are actually listening and learning. DS9 bounces on the trampoline while I read aloud, and then repeats what was said verbatim.

 

If you keep getting notes then I would write back that your daughter's grades seem to indicate she is learning despite the short periods of inattention.

 

Is she completing her work on time now that her desk has meen moved to the front of the room?

[SKL]

Gosh, maybe I missed something, but it seems like your daughter is doing very well in school; her grades are good, she gets along well with her classmates. So, her mind was wandering a bit in class; she still manages to learn the material and complete her work. If I got that note, I would just write a purposely vague note back to the teacher saying somthing like "thanks for bringing this matter to our attention" and forget about it.

 

I would be a little miffed at the teacher, actually as I think she was being too critical. Very often children seem to be wandering when they are actually listening and learning. DS9 bounces on the trampoline while I read aloud, and then repeats what was said verbatim.

 

If you keep getting notes then I would write back that your daughter's grades seem to indicate she is learning despite the short periods of inattention.

 

Is she completing her work on time now that her desk has meen moved to the front of the room?

 

I seem to be challenged when it comes to building rapport with teachers - at least at this school.

 

I think I'm still trying to figure out the balance myself between too much and not enough information / involvement.  On one hand, I want to know everything, but on the other hand, I can't always do anything about what I know, and maybe that's not all bad.

 

Miss A has told me before that she often listens better when she is not looking at the speaker.  (Honestly, to hear this kid articulate how her brain works, she seems pretty with-it to me, but I'm biased.)  I have told her that she needs to look at the person she's supposed to be listening to, because otherwise they will think she's not listening.  Not sure how that's going in school.  If it's any indication, she's getting perfect scores this year in music and art (so far), where last year she had problems due to not listening.  They switch rooms for those classes, so distractability is at its highest then.

 

Miss A is definitely on target in terms of knowledge/skills, social development, physical skills, and general conduct.  Classwork is inconsistent, but for the most part it seems she is completing it reasonably well.  As someone else mentioned, at this age I don't expect perfect compliance with every request the teacher makes of any child.  It is possible that my kid is being scrutinized more than others for any of the following reasons: 1. she is petite as well as slightly young, so people might assume backwardness going in; 2. she was a known non-favorite of the 1st grade teacher;  3. I brought up her challenges myself before the first day of school; 4. her sister is intellectually gifted, so the contrast is stark; 5. she stands out as a trans-racial adoptee etc.

 

She has some great strengths.  I have full confidence in her ability to succeed in school in the long run.  That doesn't stop me from occasionally panicking in the short run.  ;)

[Mandylubug]

Have you considered she may be VSL? Is she allowed to doodle while she listens? She may just not learn by auditory means without visually doing something. You mentioned you play solitare while listening. Same thing

[SKL]

Have you considered she may be VSL? Is she allowed to doodle while she listens? She may just not learn by auditory means without visually doing something. You mentioned you play solitare while listening. Same thing

 

Very possible, but how to get the teacher to accept that this is not disobedience?  I know I always had to hide my doodling as it really ticked off my teachers, all the way up to college.  I distinctly remember one prof stopping the entire class to "wait until I was finished" with a doodle.  :leaving:

[Mandylubug]

Very possible, but how to get the teacher to accept that this is not disobedience?  I know I always had to hide my doodling as it really ticked off my teachers, all the way up to college.  I distinctly remember one prof stopping the entire class to "wait until I was finished" with a doodle.  :leaving:

 

yeah. I am struggling with this as well. When I get a phone call, the first thing I do is shuffle around for a pen and paper and start to doodle. DH laughs at my half words, half pictures. He can tell if I enjoyed the conversation or was highly irritated by my doodles LOL. I just realized my kids are VSL as well and I don't have the answers. I myself struggled with rote memory of multiplication facts. Actually, I still struggle with some and am refreshing myself with my kids as we go along. We have a wall chart that I allow. Well, I was looking for VSL math flash cards and there was this picture of number 8s skating and they were obviously on a sticky floor. Then it presented 8*8=64 and below it, it said Skate * Skate = sticky floor... I am good. I now have that math fact memorized for good. I do believe it haunts me. I've struggled with 8s since I was a child and I can see that flash card once and ta da! It is in my mind. So, I am seeking out how to incorporate visual into our day to day. It goes against what I think they should be doing. Not sure how you can accommodate that in a class room setting, without it drawing the attention of others. I do think that if she is doodling and then when she is called on to participate, if she can answer, and keep up, the teacher would see she is good.

[kiwik]

I don't suppose she can take notes at that age? It is a lifesaver later on. I can't concentrate on someone I am trying to look at - though I think I was ok looking at the blackboard.