Mynyel Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 My son (ds5) is being royal pain in the ... He doesn't listen. He complains about everything. Is is my sensory seeker major type A child. If he doesn't get his way he pitches a royal fit. I can't take him anywhere because he won't behave. He destroys things on purpose, he hurts things on purpose (like stepping on your foot when he walks by). I have tried all sorts of discipline. Time-Out, spanking, yelling (obviously that doesn't work) and I can't remember what else. I have tried to remain calm, I have tired patience but that can only last for so long before I blow my stack. Dh doesn't help. He just says he has a mental disorder or something. He isn't hungry (he just ate), he isn't tired (he napped a couple hours ago). Maybe I need to change my way of thinking but I don't know how. I have worlds of stress on me right now. I could type for an hour and still not convey all my angst. Life right now is a pile of that nasty brown stuff and I can't seem to get past it. I am snappy, and I don't have as much patience as before right now. I can't get passed the stress. I can't escape. I have absolutely no one I can talk to about it, at least no one that is living here. I just don't know what to do. I try to keep appearances for the kids but I am cracking. I just don't. know. what. to. do. I don't expect an epiphany here just venting but I am so ready to run away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: Does he have calm times when you can have a relatively peaceful chat with him? Does he understand that when he steps on your foot, etc., that it hurts you? Physically and also hurts your feelings that he would intentionally do that? When I was fed up with a child's naughty behavior, I usually banished them to their rooms, longer periods the older they were. That was my way of not putting up with it. Then we would talk later, after we were both calmer. ETA: I realize you said you were just venting. I am just throwing out a few ideas. Maybe something someone says will help, at least a little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 When short term discipline such as time outs, yelling and spanking stopped working with my dd I started putting her on restriction from her favorite things for extended periods. In her case she lost all screen time and sweets generally for about a week at a time. It took a while but she eventually figured out that it was not worth it to end up on restriction. That made her behavior much more manageable until we found out that a gluten sensitivity was the source of her problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm so sorry you are so frustrated. I wish there was a way for you to get your dh to be more helpful. It's not fair to you that he has put all of the stress and responsibility on your shoulders. One question -- how does your ds behave when he is with other people? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 My middle brother used to be the same way. My mom would send him outside to "his" shed. There was nothing entertaining in it (well the window I guess). There was nothing he could hurt or destroy. Mom could see in the shed while she was in the house. She would send him out with water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 Get him tested for retained primitive reflexes. They could be the cause of the sensory seeking stuff. My boy was diagnosed by a paediatric chiropractor. I don't know who else diagnoses them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 Sensory-seeking? Has he been evaluated? He's not hungry and not tired. Okay, what about exercise? Positive attention? When we get stuck in negative cycles, it's hard to find the positive, but kids still need that. Probably more so in the down times. Is your family experiencing lots of stress from other things? Kids feel that too, which could exacerbate behavior issues. Depending on what is going on at home, I would work on stabilizing those issues first. Gently speaking--if you are so stressed that you cannot maintain control of your emotions, your 5 year old cannot be held to a higher standard than you as an adult. Do you have access to a counselor or therapist? Even time alone for you to recharge a bit? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 Have him tested by a professional! No joke! My son acted that way. NO sense or filter. No impulse control whatsoever.. He always said whoops after the deed. I am not saying medicate every child out there that has impulse issues. We dealt with it for 10 years before I said I had enough, we hit a wall in our studies with no progression. We started medication for ADHD inattentive w/impulse control issues and I swear he is a different child. When he is on his medicine he is an angel and never gets in trouble. I mean rarely, like a blue moon, rarely gets in trouble. Without medication, he is in timeout within five minutes of rising from bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynyel Posted August 19, 2013 Author Share Posted August 19, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm so sorry you are so frustrated. I wish there was a way for you to get your dh to be more helpful. It's not fair to you that he has put all of the stress and responsibility on your shoulders. One question -- how does your ds behave when he is with other people? Depends on how long he is with them. Usually after a little bit he acts the same with others as with us. :glare: Usually I can deal with it but it has been a horrendous summer and I am just not holding it together like usual. I think dh puts in on me because he has no clue what to do with him. He wants to be able to call it a name and then deal with it that way I guess. Not real sure on that front. It just isn't in his nature to deal with stuff like that. Sensory-seeking? Has he been evaluated? He's not hungry and not tired. Okay, what about exercise? Positive attention? When we get stuck in negative cycles, it's hard to find the positive, but kids still need that. Probably more so in the down times. Is your family experiencing lots of stress from other things? Kids feel that too, which could exacerbate behavior issues. Depending on what is going on at home, I would work on stabilizing those issues first. Gently speaking--if you are so stressed that you cannot maintain control of your emotions, your 5 year old cannot be held to a higher standard than you as an adult. Do you have access to a counselor or therapist? Even time alone for you to recharge a bit? Positive attention... your right, once I am frustrated it is hard to gear up for that. I think when he misbehaves I need to put myself in time out... the only problem is that I take longer to cool off and by the time I do he is usually OK! Hmm... maybe I am on to something there. We have been under tremendous stress and it isn't about to let up yet. That isn't something we can help right now. We are in a waiting game with that. I agree, if I can't contain there is no way he can contain. I do need to work on that. He was seeing an OT but it really wasn't helping... at least I didn't see any difference and we went for 6 months. I need to calm myself first. That needs to be my mantra. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: I know from your other threads, that you're family life has been going through extremely trying times. Possibly this is adding to his behavior issues, and also, with all the stress you're under, it's harder for you to deal with it. I had no advice other than agreeing with others about getting him tested whenever you can. It's hard to deal with that all on your own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Have him tested by a professional! No joke! My son acted that way. NO sense or filter. No impulse control whatsoever.. He always said whoops after the deed. I am not saying medicate every child out there that has impulse issues. We dealt with it for 10 years before I said I had enough, we hit a wall in our studies with no progression. We started medication for ADHD inattentive w/impulse control issues and I swear he is a different child. When he is on his medicine he is an angel and never gets in trouble. I mean rarely, like a blue moon, rarely gets in trouble. Without medication, he is in timeout within five minutes of rising from bed. You took the words out of my mouth. I can tell within seconds if my son missed his pill that morning. Everything the OP talked about was my son, and everything in the quoted post above was also my son. He is grateful for the meds so he can finally control himself. He was 8 when we started meds. We did it because his self-esteem was plummeting. He was in trouble constantly. Constantly. Con.stant.ly. It was horrible for us all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MollyAnn Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I really recommend the book 'Is This Is Your Child' by Doris Rapp http://www.amazon.com/This-Your-Child-Doris-Rapp/dp/0688119077 Read through the reviews. What you are describing sounds like allergy reactions. We deal with that here. Gluten causes emotional meltdowns and dairy causes anger rages. I also think that every parent who has been told their child should be medicated for ADD, ADHD, ODD or any other letter combination should read the book. I am not saying these don't exist, just that I think a lot of the time things are misdiagnosed and kids are put on medication when eliminating foods from the diet could have solved the issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I wish I could fill up the page with these hugs. Life can be very hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Five year olds can be frustrating little buggers, no? Big hugs to you, Rachel. My 5yo is a royal pain at least half of the time and whiny.....goodness, he's a whiny boy. :/ I do notice a marked improvement in my child's behavior when I make a point to give him my undivided attention on a regular basis, as well as making sure the gets in plenty of outdoor time and physical activity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I am wary of sounding like I am projecting my own experiences onto you, but you MUST see a psychiatrist to sort out whether this is a mood disorder. There are way too many red flags in your post to just dismiss this as a reflex issue or a discipline issue. Mood disorders do not respond to discipline; they must be treated medically. PM me if you would like more information. I have BTDT and we are on the other side. Life is GOOD now, but for a long time I lived in constant stress and guilt over my inability to fix my child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I am wary of sounding like I am projecting my own experiences onto you, but you MUST see a psychiatrist to sort out whether this is a mood disorder. There are way too many red flags in your post to just dismiss this as a reflex issue or a discipline issue. Mood disorders do not respond to discipline; they must be treated medically. PM me if you would like more information. I have BTDT and we are on the other side. Life is GOOD now, but for a long time I lived in constant stress and guilt over my inability to fix my child. Life with GW pre-meds was just awful. We were walking on eggshells all the time. Now that he's on a mood stabilizer we're all so much happier, especially him. If you think your ds might have a medical issue, it can change both of your lives to get it treated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirth Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 It sounds like a rough time. Sorry about that. Until you can get what testing you want done, I might suggest immediately for everyone some more foods/snacks which naturally contain a lot of magnesium -- pumpkin seeds, spinach, and dark chocolate (the darker the better). Mg helps people relax! Mg deficit can make people irritable and basically no fun to be around. Hope others can help you get some long and short term solutions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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