Sigh - random strangers giving unsolicited parenting advice

[Sobeknofret]

I had an elderly woman in the grocery store tell me that kissing my one year old son would make him gay.

[saraha]

We were on vacation a couple of weeks ago, and a woman was standing on the beach holding a beautiful newborn baby. I was walking past her and stopped and smiled and asked how old it was. She told me a couple of weeks, and in my "Look how cute this baby is" craziness, I proceeded to say something along the lines of Wow, I was totally not that together when my kids were that size to go on vacation. Then reached out and stroked the top of the babies head! When I realized what I was doing, I totally gasped out loud, looked her full in the face and apologized saying something like, Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I totally do not mean to be that person! I know I turned three shades of red and mumbled something about hoping they have a great vacation and walked away. She was very nice about the crazy lady with all of the kids TOUCHING her newborn baby. THen she probably posted about me on a parenting board! Ugh.

[kitten18]

I had an elderly woman in the grocery store tell me that kissing my one year old son would make him gay.

Wow.

[Grover]

My son looked very small and was an early walker and talker, the combination was perfect for these situations.  One crazy lady swooped in to tell him to tell mummy he needed a hat on in this weather and he eyeballed her and told her "don't be ridiculous" before flouncing off :-)  Similarly, when a man told me D couldn't climb the big slide ladder (that he was half way up) DS turned and said, "It's a miracle!" before continuing to climb.  

[Truscifi]

I had an elderly woman in the grocery store tell me that kissing my one year old son would make him gay.

 

:huh: :banghead:

[Amy Jo]

"Babies who are crying are in pain." This from an older lady in Walmart - said so that there was no other room for any other possible reason a baby might cry. Umm, no. In fact, 2nd son just HATED being in Walmart. I finally figured out (much later, after avoiding Walmart) that it was the carts with built in baby seats, tilted so the poor kid had to stare at the annoying lights the whole trip. I wasn't to pleased to be accused of paining my baby - especially when I really just wanted to hurry through the *&@$ checkout and get out of the store so he'd be happy.

[Mom0012]

I was grocery shopping with my 6-week old son and I had an old man walk up to me and tell me that I should be ashamed for having him out in public at this age?!?  I still get a little burst of anger every time I think of that because I was too stunned to respond and I let him get away with that.

[Mrs Mungo]

I had an elderly woman in the grocery store tell me that kissing my one year old son would make him gay.

You should have said (in a hopeful voice), "do you think so? I really need help decorating my house."

[MissShellyA]

Yep, in July.  In FLORIDA. 

 

 

Not to mention that ds, like ds9 and dh, is hot-natured.  Seriously, the kid can be in just a diaper and in moderate air conditioning and still sweat.  We're actually thinking about getting a small fan for his room because he gets so sweaty at night. 

 

...Are you kidding me?

[NorthwestMom]

I have short, naturally curly hair.  My DD8 has very long naturally curly hair, which she has been wearing in braids for day camp this week.  Today I had another day camp leader, approximately my age, approach me and give me a copy of Curly Girl to keep and "TO GET ME STARTED".  I was like WTF?!?  :cursing:  Gosh, I started with curly hair 43 YEARS AGO!

[NorthwestMom]

I think some of my AA friends are these roaming hair evangelists. It's normal to see biracial families around here. Apparently, it makes them cringe when a Caucasian mother to mixed children thinks hair is no big deal and nothing to worry about. It seems it is a VERY big deal and blowing it off is a cultural faux pas. I don't get it, but I don't have that added responsibility as my family isn't mixed. I tend to believe them though, because they are Very Serious when this topic comes up.

 

My DD is not mixed race at all, but I did have a very sophisticated AA woman approach me out of nowhere with great anger, assuming she was mixed race,  about not taking care of her hair with AA products.  She read me the riot act and it was NOT appreciated AT ALL.  My DD was terrified that this woman would come up and yell at me about her hair, for which she usually receives many compliments.   You can tell your friends they are doing more harm than good and it is just bad manners all around.  They don't get to decide what people do with their own hair.

[NorthwestMom]

You can see this hair thing has me strung tight today.  Sorry!  :laugh:

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

You can see this hair thing has me strung tight today.  Sorry!  :laugh:

Just saw your username and with the birth of North West, you name kind of identifies you as Kim Kardashian. :D

[NorthwestMom]

Just saw your username and with the birth of North West, you name kind of identifies you as Kim Kardashian. :D

 

ROTFLMAO!  

 

I am the opposite of Kim Kardashian, however, she's going to have problems with her DD's hair too!

[gardenmom5]

When dd was about a year old I was walking across a parking lot with her. An older lady came over and started talking to her and said to dd "you tell your mommy that you need a coat!!!".

It was at least 70 degrees and dd was wearing long sleeves and leggings.

 

It's because we're in So California. I have seen people here wearing stocking caps when it's 70 degrees. People are strange.

dd went from upstate NY to rome in May.  she and her classmates were in heaven at 70 degrees.  they'd been used to the cold and it was warm to them.  the Italians were in heavy coats because it was cold to them.

 

This happens to all people with curly hair-AA or not, child or not. I am a 40 year old woman and people still insist upon asking if my hair is naturally curly, ask if I wouldn't rather straighten it, have I tried X or Y hair product/device/straightening method/salon/etc.

have you noticed that people with curly hair are urged to straighten their hair, and those with straight hair to perm it?  next time ask them if the work for a beauty products manufacturer and if they are peddling their products.  they make money either way.

 

I've been asked many times if my hair is naturally curly (one person even asked me if my DD's hair was permed when she was 3—I mean, really?), but no one's ever suggested I have it straightened other than in a salon. I let one stylist blow dry it straight after she gave me a cut when she suggested I try it. I hated it and washed my hair as soon as I got home.

my grandmother permed my mother's hair from the time she was very young, and was constantly encouraging me to want curly hair from as early as I can remember.  My hair ignores the ammonium thyioglocolate.  

[awisha.]

I had an elderly woman in the grocery store tell me that kissing my one year old son would make him gay.

Thread over, you win!!

[gardenmom5]

I had an elderly woman in the grocery store tell me that kissing my one year old son would make him gay.

:blink:   :svengo:  :leaving:   goodnight.  I hope she didn't have any sons - can you imagine how starved for a mother's love and affection they would have been?

[greenbabybottoms]

I have a few that have just made me scratch my head. When my oldest was maybe 4 or 5 months old she would chew her hands (not actually suck her thumb) and I had a lady at the grocery store tell me if I put tobasco sauce on her hands she would stop. I told her I would think about it.

 

When my 2 nd was a few days old we were in target and someone made a special trip over to tell me babies died "all the time" in moby wraps and I was neglectful for carrying her that way.

 

And when my second was about 7 months old I was at the grocery store with a cart full of groceries. The older lady in front of me was clearly studying what I had in my cart then finally said "honey, she still needs formula at her age" I told her she was breastfed and she puckered her lips then said "i don't see any baby food either" I told her that she just ate off of our plates. She looked at my 28 lb 7 month old and said "she's just going to starve" and moved to the next line shaking her head.

 

I always get the comments about no hat or socks. My kids are really 1 step away from nudist thugh so most days I'm lucky they even have pants on at the post office.

[Sobeknofret]

You should have said (in a hopeful voice), "do you think so? I really need help decorating my house."

I did tell her that I hoped so because gay men are very good to their mothers.

[Tita Gidge]

I'm no fan of unsolicited advice (unless I'm on the giving end of it ;)), but it's somewhat common in my community so I just go with the flow.

 

I always figure it's more about the advice-giver than it is about me. They miss that stage of life, or they think we dumb "kids" don't do anything right, or whatever ... but whatever it is, I let it stay more about them than about me LOL.  I acknowledge them and get on with my life.  I don't take it personally because I honestly don't think it's meant to BE personal.  It's about them, not me and not you.  Keep it that way!

 

When coming from strangers, that is.  In-laws are another story :banghead:  we all know it's personal when it's family!

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

"Babies who are crying are in pain." This from an older lady in Walmart - said so that there was no other room for any other possible reason a baby might cry. Umm, no. In fact, 2nd son just HATED being in Walmart. I finally figured out (much later, after avoiding Walmart) that it was the carts with built in baby seats, tilted so the poor kid had to stare at the annoying lights the whole trip. I wasn't to pleased to be accused of paining my baby - especially when I really just wanted to hurry through the *&@$ checkout and get out of the store so he'd be happy.

 

I want to cry every time I'm in Walmart too. It's definitely a kind of pain! 

[HomeschoolMum]

Try being in St Petersburg Russia with  the two new babies you have just adopted...and we are from NZ so the clothes we had were not considered warm enough by Russian standards. Also nothing would fit as our kids were SO small everything we had bought was way to large.

 

We would walk down the street and have EVERY old lady stop and tuck our kids blankets  in ,pull their socks up and their trousers down and hat more firmly on all the while telling us off loudly in Russian.

 

Luckily we were staying with an elderly couple who took us to a second hand store where we bought  warmer and better fitted clothes AND the necessary thick thick stockings so NO part of the leg would be shown to the world lest they die of pneumonia then and there.

. 

[BlsdMama]

Unsolicited comments... They are everywhere.  Ten children and TLC really started something with all their programming.  (Now, I *like* the programs I've seen well enough, but it seems as though they opened the official market on: It's Politically Correct to Ask Big Family EVERY Detail of Their Life in Public.) 

 

The other day at Costco, we'd been there a little over an hour, when a really sweet and well-meaning couple said, "Yes, we've been watching you through the store and enjoying your family."  I *get* HOW they meant it, but I guarantee it never occurred to them how weird it is for me to be followed and watched. 

 

The watching thing, it happens a lot.  More than comments.  More even than counting.

 

My sympathies.  It's a challenge to realize you're being analyzed and harder when people feel "obliged" to give you input.  But it does grow an amount of patience in you you never though possible.  Did you know you can say, "JOh, child, we are so going to discuss this when we get home" through gritted teeth, under your breath, and with a smile?

 

 

[lea1]

Try being in St Petersburg Russia with  the two new babies you have just adopted...and we are from NZ so the clothes we had were not considered warm enough by Russian standards. Also nothing would fit as our kids were SO small everything we had bought was way to large.

 

We would walk down the street and have EVERY old lady stop and tuck our kids blankets  in ,pull their socks up and their trousers down and hat more firmly on all the while telling us off loudly in Russian.

 

Luckily we were staying with an elderly couple who took us to a second hand store where we bought  warmer and better fitted clothes AND the necessary thick thick stockings so NO part of the leg would be shown to the world lest they die of pneumonia then and there.

.

We went through that too. We adopted our two sons when they were 14 months and 15.5 months old. They had to be properly dressed for the cold (including a hat) before we were allowed to take them out of the baby home. If you sat down on steps outside, the old ladies would yell at you in Russian too.

[T'smom]

Ugh. I just had an unsolicited opinion tonight! I took my kids to a park that we go to frequently. A woman actually put her arm it and prevented my 2 yo from climbing on this weird climbing thing. Then she said to this man that was also there, "is it really okay if she goes on this?" He said "she's not mine, I don't know whose she is.....she seems awfully young to be on this" I interrupted at that point (I had been sitting on the ground about 15 feet away) and said that she was my daughter and that she would be fine. Of course, she was fine, but I'm still irritated that not one, but two people thought I was being neglectful.

[Truscifi]

...Are you kidding me?

 

Am I kidding about what? 

[Mrs Mungo]

Dh says that everyone should ask these people questions like:

 

Where did you escape from?

 

Does your doctor know you are out?

 

Who should I call to pick you up?

 

Is there an orderly I can call to pick you up?

[Jenny in Florida]

Ugh. I just had an unsolicited opinion tonight! I took my kids to a park that we go to frequently. A woman actually put her arm it and prevented my 2 yo from climbing on this weird climbing thing. Then she said to this man that was also there, "is it really okay if she goes on this?" He said "she's not mine, I don't know whose she is.....she seems awfully young to be on this" I interrupted at that point (I had been sitting on the ground about 15 feet away) and said that she was my daughter and that she would be fine. Of course, she was fine, but I'm still irritated that not one, but two people thought I was being neglectful.

This reminds me of the time I took my two kids, then about nine and six, to a student matinee put on by our local philharmonic. We had arrived early and were waiting for them to open the doors. So, I took them down the walkway and let them run on a grassy area near the big fountain in front of the building. Understand, this was not close to either the parking lot or the street. It's kind of set back, between the performing arts center and the sports arena. I sat on a nearby bench and was watching/listening to them run off some energy before we went into the auditorium.

 

Within about five minutes, a security guard pulled up in one of their little electric carts, got out, walked past me and up to the kids and started questioning them about where their teacher was. I got up and ran over, explaining that I was their mother, that we homeschooled and that we were there for the orchestra performance and were waiting for the doors to open. He explained that one of the teachers bringing in a school group for the same event had seen my kids playing and called security, claiming that they were "unsupervised."

 

I'll admit to still being a bit irked about that one, but mostly I feel kind of bemused or maybe even sad that it's so unusual for a teacher to see two kids playing without being directly under the thumb of an adult that she felt it necessary to call security.

[T'smom]

This reminds me of the time I took my two kids, then about nine and six, to a student matinee put on by our local philharmonic. We had arrived early and were waiting for them to open the doors. So, I took them down the walkway and let them run on a grassy area near the big fountain in front of the building. Understand, this was not close to either the parking lot or the street. It's kind of set back, between the performing arts center and the sports arena. I sat on a nearby bench and was watching/listening to them run off some energy before we went into the auditorium.

 

Within about five minutes, a security guard pulled up in one of their little electric carts, got out, walked past me and up to the kids and started questioning them about where their teacher was. I got up and ran over, explaining that I was their mother, that we homeschooled and that we were there for the orchestra performance and were waiting for the doors to open. He explained that one of the teachers bringing in a school group for the same event had seen my kids playing and called security, claiming that they were "unsupervised."

 

I'll admit to still being a bit irked about that one, but mostly I feel kind of bemused or maybe even sad that it's so unusual for a teacher to see two kids playing without being directly under the thumb of an adult that she felt it necessary to call security.

I understand being irked by that! The teacher probably expected to only see school groups and thought the kids were escapees! Lol.

 

I was ranting to my dh last night and he told me I should be glad that other adults are looking out for kids that aren't theirs. I probably wouldn't have thought much about it if 1 person had said something, but the fact that 2 adults thought my dd was too young to climb?!?!