Word Nerd Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Being a little judgey is one thing. Calling someone names is something else entirely. This. It's especially troubling that she wouldn't drop it and kept making personal attacks. It's not necessarily a friendship-breaker, but I think either way you should call her on her hurtful, disrespectful behavior and clear the air--whether confrontation is difficult or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-bex Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Anyone with a dog has done that! Or a guinea pig. Ask me how I know. And then tell me why they make styptic powder! :p She was downright mean! I have a friend who thinks I'm terrible to my dogs because she is a super softie for animals (mine are treated just fine, thankyouverymuch, but I don't handle them with kid gloves like I would my human baby.) I don't enjoy her passive-aggressive judgement, but if she ever talked to me like THAT, it would be the last time she talked to me. No thank you. :( I'm pretty non-confrontational, so I'd just let the friendship slip away. Unless she outright asked why I've been quiet/busy/unavailable. Then I'd tell her my feelings were hurt when she called me a ditz and said I'd done such a terrible thing, and I was still stinging over it, and see what developed from there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBM Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 If your friend has other qualities you like and you feel up for it, you could always try telling her "When you said/did (detailed explanation -- be detailed), it made me feel xx. I am not sure I want to be friends if you feel you need to call me names or put me down." If she agrees that she should have considered what she was saying, then it might be worth a try to keep the friendship. If it doesn't work, you've given the matter some closure and have said your say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reign Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 No one deserves to be talked to like that. I might not say anything if our children are close. I would not consider her a friend though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 She sounds awful. "Quicking" dark dog nails is very, very common. Dh is a vet, we have gobs of dogs, and we still quick their nails commonly. Even at the hospital it is common. It is almost unavoidable with dark nails that are overgrown. In any event, your friend is awful. I would never be close to her. Walk away. Carefully and quickly. This is not a safe person, IMHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readinmom Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 If her dc called your dc a ditz and stupid, would you let it go unchallenged? Would you force your dc to play with her dc again even though you knew the comments had been very hurtful? If you wouldn't put your dc through that friendship, then why would you burden yourself with it? I would back off of the parental relationship but allow the children to continue theirs. If she asked about it, I would tell her that her comments the last time you were together were very hurtful and that you don't allow people to talk to you that way. End of story. No trying to sugar coat it. If she asked for forgiveness, I might consider giving her a second chance, but if she crossed the line again, I would call her on it right then and there. It is great to try to help others who might be a bit socially awkward. However, you do not have to sacrifice your self worth on that alter. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 I have a friend of about 3 years. Her daughter and my son (younger) are good friends. I have always known her to be quite judgmental of others, very "complaining" about everything that happens etc. Well, today, for the first time, she turned that judgmentalism on me. I am actually surprised at how much it bothered me and how....exhausted it made me feel. I have never had a friend do this, but I knew she was capable of it so I really shouldn't be surprised. WWYD? [Not quoting you second post, but I did read it.] I'll be the odd person out and say give it another chance. Your kids are good friends -- that's a biggie for me. You and she have been friends for 3 years and this is the first time she's been judgmental of you. The doggie thing is a truly odd, and the school banning is worrisome. Still, I'd say, one more chance. I hope you can think of her as way off base and yourself as just fine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Tell her to knock it off. Bluntly. Don't sugar coat or try to be subtle. Tell her clearly that you will not accept someone speaking to you that way. If she accepts that, then sure, give it another try. If not, move on. I know you said you don't like confrontation, but you also said she's a good friend. If that's true she is worth you putting on your big girl panties and talking to her honestly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 She doesn't sound judgmental, she sounds downright mean. I would have called her on it right there (not that i'm recommending that LOL). Depending on how she reacted to that, I may or may not be willing to spend any more time with her. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. What a bully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 If this is a relationship that you want to continue and you want to help the person, help them change their critical spirit. When they talk about someone else, gently redirect the conversation. If the opportunity arises to subtly correct yourself (i.e. you start to say something negative and can then say "Oh, I'm trying to be more positive about others..."). Let her witness you telling your children that "we don't talk that way about others". Eventually, you may need to tell her directly that even though she may not feel that she is coming across as mean, you are deeply bothered when she criticizes you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skeeterbug Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 If she'll speak to an adult that way, I'm worried about how she might be talking to her kids. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Wow. She sounds a bit wacky. That sounds like quite an overreaction. I'm trying to imagine any of my friends responding like that and I can't think of a single one that would. I wouldn't let her words get you down, but I would start making an escape plan. If she's that wacky over this incident, I can only imagine she'll get worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stansclan89 Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 She sounds like she doesn't understand social issues. She got stuck on one topic, couldn't give it up, didn't understand that what she was saying wasn't ok...could she be asperger's? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 I will probably delete this, but basically, we visited today and she commented ..... I think that this behaviour was not that of a friend. Personally, I'd back away, because I prefer that to confrontation. If you want to continue the friendship, I'd send a note talking about how hurt you felt by her reaction to a genuine mistake, and then see how she responds. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runbikeswim Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 She is lonely, is very over protective of her only daughter, and doesn't have a lot of friends. In fact, most of the moms at her daughters school shun her (as in, won't invite her OR her daughter to events, won't include her). The teacher actually banned her from volunteering at school, which I didn't even know was allowed. I wonder why, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 One of the best lessons I've learned in life is to avoid relationships with people who say nasty things about others to me. There is little chance that someone who speaks like that about others won't also say nasty things about you at some point. In fact, she's probably trashed you before but just not to your face like this. She is insecure so she rips others down. She won't change until she decides to and most people like her will never see it or decide to change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazyforlatin Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 I'm worried that her daughter may pick up on that behavior and say something mean to your son. I'm worried that she may make mean comments towards your children. Why was she banned from volunteering? I sure hope it wasn't due to some verbal assault on a student. The kind thing to do for her may be to gently tell her that her words were hurtful and that it would be difficult to continue a friendship if you need to worry what will come out from her mouth again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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