Heather in Neverland Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Envy is such a difficult thing, isn't it? I've been fortunate to see a couple of "rich" families up close. And in both cases, our decision have been affirmed. I would not trade my life for theirs. The decisions that have left us poorer have made our family stronger, closer, and more happy. It's all about perspective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy in Ky Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 I know how you feel too :grouphug: I would not trade my years at home with my children for the grandest home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 aww, hugs. I get it. I really do. My sister and BIL have a much much nicer home than we do. But, they are not financially responsible, or mature, and it kills my DH to see them keep lucking into good things when he works so hard and is so responsible and has less. But I am home with our kids, and that matters more to us than big closets and bathrooms. Although I'd LOVE one of those jacuzzi tubs someday! Oh well...like I said, time with my kids makes me richer than any house could. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Can you imagine cleaning such a monstrosity? or heating it? Who wants it! :iagree: I just remind myself that we have made different choices for a reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
East Coast Sue Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 I'm dealing with this too. Maybe more accurately put- I am struggling with this too. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WistfulRidge Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I completely, totally understand. This is something I've struggled with a lot over the last couple of years. One of my best friends and her DH had some initial struggles but are now in that phase of owning their first home (nice, older but updated rambler with a full, finished basement with a big yard in a nice, non-HOA neighborhood), go on the occasional (carefully saved for) vacation, keep a strict budget but not have to agonize over buying food vs paying bills, etc. They've worked hard and I'm happy for them, but at the same time I have that awfully bitter, envious feeling inside. DH & I spent most of the last 5 years living in a tiny (500 sqft), rundown, moldy apartment stressed out, scrambling financially etc etc to make me being a SAHM and DH being in school full time work out. It wasn't fun but we were okay with it because DH's field has a fairly high demand and we were pretty much "guaranteed" a job. But now that we're done with school almost everyone has inflicted a hiring freeze on the department that DH would work in until (at the very least) this election is over. The few places that have showed interest in still hiring (and are interviewing DH) have kind of put a hold on the process because how the election plays out may mean only hiring one candidate instead of two or three, or maybe not hiring at all, or...??? I hate feeling like we've done all this work only to be stuck in a worst place than we started (because now we've got student loans and are living with my parents) with a future that we have absolutely no control over. Worse, I hate feeling like I've made all the "right" choices and done the "right" things only to be punished. (Probably not a rational line of thought, but I'm going to go ahead and blame some of the intensity of it on pg hormones :tongue_smilie:) So, yes... all this to say that I understand. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 Edelweiss, I did see your post before it was edited/deleted, and I just want to tell you that I appreciate your sharing your perspective. It had never occurred to me that they might feel uncomfortable. I'm sure you're right, but I had never thought about it that way. That was self-centered of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I completely, totally understand. This is something I've struggled with a lot over the last couple of years. One of my best friends and her DH had some initial struggles but are now in that phase of owning their first home (nice, older but updated rambler with a full, finished basement with a big yard in a nice, non-HOA neighborhood), go on the occasional (carefully saved for) vacation, keep a strict budget but not have to agonize over buying food vs paying bills, etc. They've worked hard and I'm happy for them, but at the same time I have that awfully bitter, envious feeling inside. DH & I spent most of the last 5 years living in a tiny (500 sqft), rundown, moldy apartment stressed out, scrambling financially etc etc to make me being a SAHM and DH being in school full time work out. It wasn't fun but we were okay with it because DH's field has a fairly high demand and we were pretty much "guaranteed" a job. But now that we're done with school almost everyone has inflicted a hiring freeze on the department that DH would work in until (at the very least) this election is over. The few places that have showed interest in still hiring (and are interviewing DH) have kind of put a hold on the process because how the election plays out may mean only hiring one candidate instead of two or three, or maybe not hiring at all, or...??? I hate feeling like we've done all this work only to be stuck in a worst place than we started (because now we've got student loans and are living with my parents) with a future that we have absolutely no control over. Worse, I hate feeling like I've made all the "right" choices and done the "right" things only to be punished. (Probably not a rational line of thought, but I'm going to go ahead and blame some of the intensity of it on pg hormones :tongue_smilie:) So, yes... all this to say that I understand. :grouphug: About the bolded: I totally get this, and I am not under the influence pregnancy hormones at all. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Hugs, I think everyone feels jealous at some time or another. Even worse is then feeling bad for feeling jealous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 We are all human, and most of us have felt that way at one time or another...yes, even those with the beautiful, large homes have felt envious of someone for some other reason. It's hard to look around us and see abundance when others seem to have so much more. We have a decent house in the country on 3 acres, but it is not at all fancy or upgraded. We drive very high mileage cars and will until they completely die...that is unless we fix engines. We fret over the mortgage every month, the dental bill, the utilities. But we are happy, we have terrific...awesome...amazing kids, food in the cupboard, and our needs (but not always our wants) met. We live an abundant life! You know, one thing I realized when the kids were little was that the less they watched TV or were exposed to all that other kids had or wanted, the less they felt they were missing out on. I intentionally started cutting out "shopping" which was really mall hopping, I became more intentional about listing inmy mind things I was grateful for daily, I stopped thumbing through magazines with pics of homes I was "supposed" to have. It helped so much! Now, you can't do that with relatives...you can't not visit them. But maybe you can try and reframe it with how happy you are that they are so successful and are not struggling as hard as so many are, maybe it wouldbe helpful to remind yourself...as one poster put it...that they are probably uncomfortable and you need to make it a point to feel compassion for a situation that they could use your understanding with, just as if it were about anything else. Clearly, you love them, so maybe viewing it as how you could help them feel OK with success would also help you at the same time! Whatever you do, know that you are insightful and wise to be honest about your feelings and recognize them for what they are. Trying to shake off the envy is sometimes a very tough thing to do...and very human! Cindy Thank you! I appreciate your taking the time to post this. I know what you mean about having to stop thumbing through the home magazines. I love to watch HGTV, but sometimes I have to skip it for awhile because I start feeling dissatisfied with what I have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: One of my favorite pages on Facebook is the Tiny Homes page. It always puts things in perspective for me. I have second-hand furniture, too, and a home with a long list of maintenance and improvement projects that we won't likely be able to do anytime soon. It's a small, simple ranch with a basement, but it had the one thing my kids wanted the most: zoning that would allow us to have chickens. :lol: I love our little home, but sometimes, I look at those really tiny homes and think how liberating they would be (especially if we could still have chickens, lol)! :grouphug: I understand how you feel; my sister and her husband's home is much as you've described, but, you know, they can't have chickens, so I still feel a little sorry for them. Chickens are just...awesome. :001_smile: /random post for tonight I love this! Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 they'll continue to have to both work and be away from their kids just to maintain the thing. Yes, I was thinking about that. BIL travels and has to be away for 2-3 weeks at a time. SIL doesn't enjoy her job any more, but they need her income. I'm glad to have people I get along with who have nice things because it means that sometimes I get to use those things, too. Just think--you can go visit and fully enjoy their luxurious digs while not having to pay to heat or cool it or clean it. They love for us to visit, and we've even done some house-sitting for them in the past, in their previous (also very nice) home. SIL loves to decorate for the various holidays, and they enjoy hosting family get-togethers, so there's that too. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 I would not trade my life for theirs. The decisions that have left us poorer have made our family stronger, closer, and more happy. It's all about perspective. That's exactly what dh & I were saying after our visit. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funschooler5 Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:I totally get this. In fact, I posted a similar thread a couple of months ago. It seems like everyone I know in "real" life has extremely nice houses, and all we want is one that our family will fit in. We've got 6 people living in a 2 bedroom house right now. We have a full basement but it's unfinished, so we have bare cement floors and blankets hanging up for walls. There are no windows so its not very cheerful down here, lol. On top of that DH is chronically ill and bedridden much of the time, and we're broke and don't see a way out of our situation any time soon, so the whole situation is very depressing. Yeah, I know we should be thankful for what we have, but we're only human, right? We're allowed blow off a little steam now and then! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 :bigear::grouphug::bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ECreasman Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Big (((((HUGS)))))! Those big houses are not all they are cracked up to be. They come with a lot of sacrifices. I've been in both places and I love being in a house that is not too big & not too small. ALL houses come with work and you will see in time that you are blessed! I'm sorry you have work to do on the house. Me too. I get overwhelmed easily and I am the oldest of 4 siblings with the smallest house, but I am happy. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 I haven't read the other comments only your post. . . and I'll say I was with you throughout your post turning green with envy until you said that both adults work full time. That's where you lost me. I don't know if dh and I could buy such a showplace if we were both working, but we would be able to afford a very nice home. I just feel so lucky to be at home with my kids. I'd take that over a gorgeous home any day. Now if I could have a home like that and actually be in it each day with me kids. . .:lol: Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psychmom Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 :grouphug: I know this feeling, too. I can't watch too much HGTV because of it!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Thank you! I appreciate your taking the time to post this. I know what you mean about having to stop thumbing through the home magazines. I love to watch HGTV, but sometimes I have to skip it for awhile because I start feeling dissatisfied with what I have. Ya know, I used to watch HGTV all the time, back when they had several shows that featured designs on a budget. I loved seeing what those designers could do with $500! Now I just can't watch it at all. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 :grouphug: I'm sorry, I understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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