Just needing a hug

[ereks mom]

Yesterday we went with BIL & SIL to see their new home. The place is ENORMOUS--5 bedrooms, with walk-in closets and full baths for each of the kids' bedrooms, a very spacious master suite that includes a big master bath and a walk-in closet that is bigger than ER's bedroom, plus a nice deck overlooking the woods, and a full basement. The kitchen is truly lovely, with state-of-the-art applicances and a HUGE granite island/bar, and off the kitchen is a dining nook, and off that is a formal dining room! It has a stately staircase and a balcony that overlooks the family room with its cozy fireplace. The house is the newest home in the nicest neighborhood in their town, and is at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac with not-too-close neighbors. BIL & SIL are wonderful, godly people; they have young children who are cute, sweet, smart, and well-behaved. BIL & SIL are active in their church, and they both work full-time jobs and have saved in order to buy a nice home, so if anyone deserves to live the good life, they are the ones. I couldn't help but be a little envious, however.

 

I am now in my home with its leaky roof, mismatched second-hand furniture, ratty carpet and flooring, badly outdated kitchen, and no way to improve any of the above, and I am feeling sad because 1) dh & I will likely NEVER be able own a home anywhere near as nice as the one we saw yesterday--and can't even afford to fix what's wrong with the one we now have, and 2) I am envious of people whom I dearly love and who are as deserving as anyone ever was.

 

:confused: I already know how I "should" feel about all of this. I just need a hug.

Edited November 6, 2012 by ereks mom

[pdalley]

:grouphug:

[MooCow]

:grouphug:

 

you're human, I'd probably feel the same way

[Dandelion]

:grouphug:

[MrsBasil]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Myra]

Well - my dryer broke this weekend and we don't have the cash for a new one so it'll be hanging clothes in the basement all winter then this morning my back tooth/molar cracked. Dentist said it'll cost about $1500 to fix, but he offers 12month interest free loans! Ha! So if misery likes company - you're not alone!

 

Myra

[TravelingChris]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am sorry.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

This will be me in a month or so when BIL and SIL move into their newly built 5 bedroom house. I totally get it.

[ereks mom]

Well - my dryer broke this weekend and we don't have the cash for a new one so it'll be hanging clothes in the basement all winter then this morning my back tooth/molar cracked. Dentist said it'll cost about $1500 to fix, but he offers 12month interest free loans! Ha! So if misery likes company - you're not alone!

 

Myra

 

I'm right there with you! My dryer is working, but my washer has been broken for over a week, and the dentist told me this past February that I need a root canal and crown for a cracked molar. We've ordered parts for the washer (assuming we've correctly diagnosed the problem, and dh plans to fix it because we can't afford the price the service people quoted. We have CareCredit for medical bills (no insurance), but right now we're paying off a $2000 bill for some oral surgery ER had back in July, so I can't afford to charge any more yet. :grouphug: to you!

[Impish]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[momtoamiracle]

:grouphug:

 

I'd feel the same way. My brother has no children and has a 6 bedroom 5 bath house with hardwood floors throughout, and ow going to completely redo his kitchen. My kitchen is 50 years old.

 

 

 

It is hard sometimes.

[Sahamamama]

:grouphug:

[regentrude]

:grouphug:

[TravelingChris]

Oh and I have to keep not begrudging my dh and his travels. He is about to stay at a fabulous hotel on Waikiki Beach but not only will he have no time to enjoy it, he also has an all night plane flight in economy class to look forward to after a long day of meetings. And he is missing some totally gorgeous fall days here. (Oh and in case anyone wonders, the hotel is not his choice and they are getting a far from fabulous rate paid to them but like it just the same because getting a whole bunch of government rates and contractor rates is better than getting a half full hotel).

[HomeschoolMamaOfTwo]

:grouphug:

[justLisa]

:grouphug:

 

That is just too many toilets to be cleaning. Smaller walls make for close families :001_smile:

[edelweiss]

nm

Edited November 6, 2012 by edelweiss

[applethyme]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Melissa in Australia]

Can you imagine cleaning such a monstrosity? or heating it? Who wants it!

[Random]

:grouphug:

 

Many of us can relate.

[justLisa]

Can you imagine cleaning such a monstrosity? or heating it? Who wants it!

 

My house is HUGE. Everyone stays in one area downstairs and everywhere else collects too much dust. I could live in 10,000 square feet and STILL, everyone would end up in one small area.

[amyable]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[momtokea]

Can you imagine cleaning such a monstrosity? or heating it? Who wants it!

 

:iagree:

[ereks mom]

:grouphug:

 

Many of us can relate.

 

Thank you! That's exactly why I posted that bit of whining--because I knew that plenty of my WTM friends would understand. :)

[fraidycat]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

In all honesty, that house sounds like my biggest nightmare. WAY too big. Who wants to clean that? Not to mention heating and cooling. No thanks. I'd rather spend that money on Disneyland or a trip to Italy, thanks. And would you ever actually see your family members? - they'd have way too much room to spread out.

 

ETA: Reading back, I see that I have echoed the sentiments of other posters. I should have read all the way through and just agreed with them. :)

Edited November 5, 2012 by fraidycat

[Aggie]

You know what, though? You COULD have lived in a house like that. If you sent your kids to school and went to work.

 

Think how much time they give up with their darling children to live in that house.

 

There are costs with every decision. We decided to live in an old, small farm house so we can homeschool. Some days I'd love a house without the north wind blowing through the house, but I'd rather have this precious time with my kids.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Plucky]

:grouphug:

[Nakia]

I have been feeling the same way lately.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Desert Rat]

Then hugs you will get. :grouphug::grouphug:

 

I have a hard time not feeling like the help when I go into friends' houses like you describe. It's nothing they do; just how I feel. :(

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:grouphug:

 

Many of us can relate.

 

:iagree:

[kalanamak]

:grouphug: I look at those houses and think: too much to keep clean.

[8circles]

:grouphug: you aren't alone.

[jhschool]

We have an old kitchen which

has bits falling apart. We could fix it, but we want to

spend the money on DC's music classes.

If I went back to work FOR REAL we could afford to fix it,

or a

bigger house, etc.

But I would rather stay home and homeschool.

[MamaT]

:grouphug: I can relate. Sometimes I have to remind myself to see something other than what needs to be done when I look around.

[ereks mom]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

In all honesty, that house sounds like my biggest nightmare. WAY too big. Who wants to clean that? Not to mention heating and cooling. No thanks. I'd rather spend that money on Disneyland or a trip to Italy, thanks. And would you ever actually see your family members? - they'd have way too much room to spread out.

 

ETA: Reading back, I see that I have echoed the sentiments of other posters. I should have read all the way through and just agreed with them. :)

 

I like the way you think! Disney and Italy: these are dreams of mine!

[ereks mom]

You know what, though? You COULD have lived in a house like that. If you sent your kids to school and went to work.

 

Think how much time they give up with their darling children to live in that house.

 

There are costs with every decision. We decided to live in an old, small farm house so we can homeschool. Some days I'd love a house without the north wind blowing through the house, but I'd rather have this precious time with my kids.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Thank you for that reminder. I needed it.

[PeacefulChaos]

:grouphug:

Been there. It's hard. I try to remind myself of why we make the sacrifices we do and it helps. (homeschooling, in particular, and before that just being a sahm).

:grouphug:

[Just Kate]

I have been dealing with similar feelings. And sadly, I don't even have the fact that I homeschool to fall back on as I had to put the kids in school so I can work. Yes, I am feeling awfully whiny myself today. But I will shut up before I start feeling worse. :(

[Georgiana Daniels]

Yesterday we went with BIL & SIL to see their new home. The place is ENORMOUS--5 bedrooms, with walk-in closets and full baths for each of the kids' bedrooms, a very spacious master suite that includes a big master bath and a walk-in closet that is bigger than ER's bedroom, plus a nice deck overlooking the woods, and a full basement. The kitchen is truly lovely, with state-of-the-art applicances and a HUGE granite island/bar, and off the kitchen is a dining nook, and off that is a formal dining room! It has a stately staircase and a balcony that overlooks the family room with its cozy fireplace. The house is the newest home in the nicest neighborhood in their town, and is at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac with not-too-close neighbors. BIL & SIL are wonderful, godly people; they have young children who are cute, sweet, smart, and well-behaved. BIL & SIL are active in their church, and they both work full-time jobs and have saved in order to buy a nice home, so if anyone deserves to live the good life, they are the ones. I couldn't help but be a little envious, however.

 

I am now in my home with its leaky roof, mismatched second-hand furniture, ratty carpet and flooring, badly outdated kitchen, and no way to improve any of the above, and I am feeling sad because 1) dh & I will likely NEVER be able own a home anywhere near as nice as the one we saw yesterday--and can't even afford to fix what's wrong with the one we now have, and 2) I am envious of people whom I dearly love and who are as deserving as anyone ever was.

 

:confused: I already know how I "should" feel about all of this. I just need a hug.

 

Big :grouphug: and no judgement from me. I am in the same boat with you, only we don't have a home yet. Ratty apartment. Struggling with contentment.

 

Even when you know how you "should" feel, it's impossible to change your feelings. Don't beat yourself up over it.

 

:grouphug:

[Catwoman]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Your feelings are completely normal -- and they don't make you a bad person.

[Mommyfaithe]

:grouphug:

[1bassoon]

:grouphug:

 

my younger brother has just been appointed CEO of a company in Colorado.

 

My wonderful, highly-educated dh is cleaning carpets full time.

 

yup. I get it.

[happypamama]

:grouphug: I understand.

[CyndiLJ]

We are all human, and most of us have felt that way at one time or another...yes, even those with the beautiful, large homes have felt envious of someone for some other reason. It's hard to look around us and see abundance when others seem to have so much more.

 

We have a decent house in the country on 3 acres, but it is not at all fancy or upgraded. We drive very high mileage cars and will until they completely die...that is unless we fix engines. We fret over the mortgage every month, the dental bill, the utilities.

 

But we are happy, we have terrific...awesome...amazing kids, food in the cupboard, and our needs (but not always our wants) met. We live an abundant life!

 

You know, one thing I realized when the kids were little was that the less they watched TV or were exposed to all that other kids had or wanted, the less they felt they were missing out on. I intentionally started cutting out "shopping" which was really mall hopping, I became more intentional about listing inmy mind things I was grateful for daily, I stopped thumbing through magazines with pics of homes I was "supposed" to have. It helped so much!

 

Now, you can't do that with relatives...you can't not visit them. But maybe you can try and reframe it with how happy you are that they are so successful and are not struggling as hard as so many are, maybe it wouldbe helpful to remind yourself...as one poster put it...that they are probably uncomfortable and you need to make it a point to feel compassion for a situation that they could use your understanding with, just as if it were about anything else. Clearly, you love them, so maybe viewing it as how you could help them feel OK with success would also help you at the same time!

 

Whatever you do, know that you are insightful and wise to be honest about your feelings and recognize them for what they are. Trying to shake off the envy is sometimes a very tough thing to do...and very human!

 

Cindy

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

[lamppost]

.

[SonshineLearner]

Sorry, yup, it stinks for you :( Happy for them... not so much for you, right??!! :) Things aren't always as they seem... although I hope everything goes well with them. I'm looking into jobs... daycare... school for my son.... jobs.... just so we can pay off debt and be not living like we are... I never would have thought this is where I'd be... 20yrs ago ;( BUT, my kids are healthy... and you can't buy that!!

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I feel ya. But at least you genuinely like these fortunate folks.

 

A few years ago I toured a relative's new home (well, 4-building compound really) and had to put up with a lot of obnoxious comments from the hostess. Things like (when entering a bathroom with a shower bigger than my bedroom) "This towel warmer takes like 20 minutes to heat up. It's so annoying- I have to plan my day around it!" Plus, "Ugh, I was SO sick of looking at doors in Italy so we finally settled on this one." And, "We put this bathroom in the garage so the gardener won't have to come in the house to use ours."

 

Also, despite the aforementioned 4 buildings and plenty of cavernous, activity-specific rooms, they did not include a guest room. (Translation=No overnight guests allowed.) And seating in their vast media room is limited to a small sectional that seats only their small family... the teens of which were sprawled out on it while those of us having a tour stood around uncomfortably, watching them play a video game, me holding a heavy baby.

 

So yeah, I feel ya.

 

Unbelievable!

[Mom2Es]

First, :grouphug:

 

Second, my first thought was about having to clean all those bathrooms.

 

Third, my second thought was about how they'll continue to have to both work and be away from their kids just to maintain the thing.

 

Fourth, I'm glad to have people I get along with who have nice things because it means that sometimes I get to use those things, too. Just think--you can go visit and fully enjoy their luxurious digs while not having to pay to heat or cool it or clean it.

[cloversandlions]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

One of my favorite pages on Facebook is the Tiny Homes page. It always puts things in perspective for me. I have second-hand furniture, too, and a home with a long list of maintenance and improvement projects that we won't likely be able to do anytime soon. It's a small, simple ranch with a basement, but it had the one thing my kids wanted the most: zoning that would allow us to have chickens. :lol:

 

I love our little home, but sometimes, I look at those really tiny homes and think how liberating they would be (especially if we could still have chickens, lol)!

 

:grouphug: I understand how you feel; my sister and her husband's home is much as you've described, but, you know, they can't have chickens, so I still feel a little sorry for them. Chickens are just...awesome. :001_smile:

 

/random post for tonight