Scary morning -- Came home to a stranger in the house w/ my 11 yo son.

[Linda in NE]

My family has an early morning paper route. Usually, one parent goes with one boy to do the route, leaving the other boy with one parent at home. Sundays are difficult days, however, because we have to assemble the papers, fold them, and deliver them, and because the papers are very large and heavy. Consequently, my husband and I sometimes both go with one of our sons to deliver the papers on Sunday morning, leaving one child asleep at home by himself. I always check to see that all the doors and windows are locked before we leave, and we always leave our dog at home (a very large dog who is very protective of both boys).

 

My husband and I and our eldest son (13 yo) left the house this morning at about 5:15 a.m. to do the route. We got home shortly before 7:00 a.m. to find a strange woman in our kitchen with our 11 yo son. He says that he got up while we were out to check his computer to see if a large download he began before he went to bed was finished. As he sat at his computer, he heard someone trying to open our front door with a key. He thought it was his dad, who usually enters the house through the front door when he comes home from work. Why my son thought his dad would be coming in that way on Sunday morning is anyone's guess. Because my son thought it was his dad, he unlocked and opened the door without looking to see who it was. (The top half of our front door is glass covered by an opaque curtain.) He says that, once he opened the door "a little," this strange young woman pushed the door open all the way, walked in past him, went to the kitchen, and sat down at our kitchen table. She had no coat (it's very cold here), and she just carried a small purse.

 

Although my son says she was just here "a couple of minutes" before my husband, my elder son, and I returned, I suspect that is not the case. When we arrived, my elder son entered the house ahead of my husband and I. We came into the kitchen from a door leading to the garage. My elder son found this strange woman sitting at the kitchen table and my younger son across the room standing next to the stove near a drawer where I keep my kitchen knives. The younger son told the elder that this woman was lost and he was trying to give her directions. What convinces me that she had been in the house for sometime is the fact that my younger son says he told the woman that I was upstairs and he went to the stairs to call me and that he put the dog out in the back yard. The dog was going nuts with a stranger in the house, and my son actually put him in the back yard!!! I can't believe it. Anyway, my younger son clearly had time to do these things and to determine that the stranger wasn't behaving coherently. He was clearly very uncomfortable and intended to defend himself with a kitchen knife if she approached him.

 

I came into the kitchen and found a young woman there wearing jeans and a black, long-sleeved sweater. I'd guess she was in her 20s. She was incoherent. She kept saying she'd been here in my home with other people. She acted as if she didn't know her name and couldn't tell us where she lived or where she came from. Basically, she rambled on about nothing at all and was non-responsive to our questions. I turned to my husband, who was behind me, and mouthed "She's nuts. Get her out." My husband got her in his car and drove her across town, following directions she gave him. She got out of the car in a very bad neighborhood, and my husband just drove away. He said that she almost passed out in the car.

 

My guess is she was on meth. I could not smell alcohol on her, but she was clearly under the influence of something. Her mascara had run and was smeared over her lower eyelids and cheeks. My younger son said she told him she hadn't slept for five or six days, and she looked like it. She had no clue where she was, and we live on a cul de sac that's rather secluded. There were no stalled or abandoned cars around -- we would have noticed them on our way in. I wonder how long she'd been walking and how she came to our house. We left some lights on inside. I guess she could have been drawn to them.

 

I can't believe my younger son let her in. He's a very mature kid in every way. We've had all the talks with him and his brother about stranger danger, and I've never had any cause to be alarmed about his behavior up until now. I've not left him home alone until the last month or so, but I thought he'd proven himself or I never would have considered it. I only left him this morning because I thought he would be asleep with all the doors locked and the watch dog on guard. Clearly, we're going to need to rethink things around here.

 

Breathing a sigh of profound relief,

Linda

[rockermom]

That sounds very frightening. Thank God he and the rest of your family are okay. I can't imagine the panic you must have felt.

[KristineIN]

Wow, glad things turned out ok. I probably would have called the cops next time. Especially if she was on drugs. :eek:

 

Hope the rest of the day goes well.

 

Kristine

[JudoMom]

My family has an early morning paper route. Usually, one parent goes with one boy to do the route, leaving the other boy with one parent at home. Sundays are difficult days, however, because we have to assemble the papers, fold them, and deliver them, and because the papers are very large and heavy. Consequently, my husband and I sometimes both go with one of our sons to deliver the papers on Sunday morning, leaving one child asleep at home by himself. I always check to see that all the doors and windows are locked before we leave, and we always leave our dog at home (a very large dog who is very protective of both boys).

 

My husband and I and our eldest son (13 yo) left the house this morning at about 5:15 a.m. to do the route. We got home shortly before 7:00 a.m. to find a strange woman in our kitchen with our 11 yo son. He says that he got up while we were out to check his computer to see if a large download he began before he went to bed was finished. As he sat at his computer, he heard someone trying to open our front door with a key. He thought it was his dad, who usually enters the house through the front door when he comes home from work. Why my son thought his dad would be coming in that way on Sunday morning is anyone's guess. Because my son thought it was his dad, he unlocked and opened the door without looking to see who it was. (The top half of our front door is glass covered by an opaque curtain.) He says that, once he opened the door "a little," this strange young woman pushed the door open all the way, walked in past him, went to the kitchen, and sat down at our kitchen table. She had no coat (it's very cold here), and she just carried a small purse.

 

Although my son says she was just here "a couple of minutes" before my husband, my elder son, and I returned, I suspect that is not the case. When we arrived, my elder son entered the house ahead of my husband and I. We came into the kitchen from a door leading to the garage. My elder son found this strange woman sitting at the kitchen table and my younger son across the room standing next to the stove near a drawer where I keep my kitchen knives. The younger son told the elder that this woman was lost and he was trying to give her directions. What convinces me that she had been in the house for sometime is the fact that my younger son says he told the woman that I was upstairs and he went to the stairs to call me and that he put the dog out in the back yard. The dog was going nuts with a stranger in the house, and my son actually put him in the back yard!!! I can't believe it. Anyway, my younger son clearly had time to do these things and to determine that the stranger wasn't behaving coherently. He was clearly very uncomfortable and intended to defend himself with a kitchen knife if she approached him.

 

I came into the kitchen and found a young woman there wearing jeans and a black, long-sleeved sweater. I'd guess she was in her 20s. She was incoherent. She kept saying she'd been here in my home with other people. She acted as if she didn't know her name and couldn't tell us where she lived or where she came from. Basically, she rambled on about nothing at all and was non-responsive to our questions. I turned to my husband, who was behind me, and mouthed "She's nuts. Get her out." My husband got her in his car and drove her across town, following directions she gave him. She got out of the car in a very bad neighborhood, and my husband just drove away. He said that she almost passed out in the car.

 

My guess is she was on meth. I could not smell alcohol on her, but she was clearly under the influence of something. Her mascara had run and was smeared over her lower eyelids and cheeks. My younger son said she told him she hadn't slept for five or six days, and she looked like it. She had no clue where she was, and we live on a cul de sac that's rather secluded. There were no stalled or abandoned cars around -- we would have noticed them on our way in. I wonder how long she'd been walking and how she came to our house. We left some lights on inside. I guess she could have been drawn to them.

 

I can't believe my younger son let her in. He's a very mature kid in every way. We've had all the talks with him and his brother about stranger danger, and I've never had any cause to be alarmed about his behavior up until now. I've not left him home alone until the last month or so, but I thought he'd proven himself or I never would have considered it. I only left him this morning because I thought he would be asleep with all the doors locked and the watch dog on guard. Clearly, we're going to need to rethink things around here.

 

Breathing a sigh of profound relief,

Linda

 

I've got to ask, though...why didn't you call the police? Very scary that she was there!

[Ellie]

I can only imagine the discussions you and your dh are having with your ds!

 

Praise God nothing serious happened.

[Michelle in MO]

My middle daughter, who is 13 now, let someone in our house last year. It wasn't nearly as scary of a situation as what you've described, but she had been left alone in the house before with firm instructions to never open the door to strangers, nor to answer the phone unless the caller ID came up with my cell phone or my husband's phone numbers. Nevertheless, someone came around to our house selling something. She let him in----he was a fairly big guy, too, and was somewhat intimidating and stood almost face to face with me. I showed him the door ASAP. Then, I had a very firm talk with her and explained to her that what she did was very foolish and dangerous. My husband repeated the same message to her that evening. It hasn't happened since, but I was in shock that she had done that, especially since she'd been warned repeatedly not to open the door to strangers. I was there---but she had let this individual in without so much as telling me some stranger was at the door. Kids don't always think about these things! I empathize with you. This should be a good teaching opportunity for your dear children.

[Linda in NE]

we just wanted to get her out of the house and away from the kids as soon as possible. When my husband started trying to get her to get in our car, I thought he intended to take her to the police station and make a report in person. When he returned and told me he just left the woman on the sidewalk in that area of town, I was worried for her. She was not in any condition to be on her own anywhere, let alone where he left her. I asked him the address and started to call to make a report anyway, but he stopped me, telling me to just leave it alone now. He didn't think there was anything that could be done.

 

Linda

[Quiver0f10]

I understand, but my heart stopped when you said DH drove her home, alone. I would have called the cops. Not in this day and age. What a scary, strange morning for you! {{{ hugs}}}

[mcconnellboys]

I'm so very happy that you're safe! That's just about the scariest story I've heard in a long time. I would definitely rethink leaving younger son alone,

 

Regena

[Myrtle]

I've got to ask, though...why didn't you call the police? Very scary that she was there!

 

That question went through my mind as well.

 

No way I'd allow a drugged out stranger in my car not knowing if they were armed or not, not knowing if they might vomit or urinate in the vehicle. This person could have easily been wanted on multiple felony warrants. Too bad the police didn't get a chance to do a background check on her to find out either way.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I can't believe my younger son let her in. He's a very mature kid in every way. We've had all the talks with him and his brother about stranger danger, and I've never had any cause to be alarmed about his behavior up until now. I've not left him home alone until the last month or so, but I thought he'd proven himself or I never would have considered it. I only left him this morning because I thought he would be asleep with all the doors locked and the watch dog on guard. Clearly, we're going to need to rethink things around here.

 

 

You know, I seriously doubt your son would EVER do this again. This will be a lesson he (and all of you) will long remember.

 

I hope the lady finds help. If she's not on drugs, she's likely had a psychotic break and needs a hospital. :(

[Lisa at Home]

Otherwise, I am so glad that no one was harmed. How scary!!!:eek:

 

~Lisa

[lynn]

Were there no shelters to bring her to if you didn't want to call the police. I am with you in being concerned with her wellbeing. I am glad everyone is safe.

[GothicGyrl]

Aside from what everyone said about your son, your husband was wrong.

 

You should have called the Police, they should have picked that girl up and they would have taken her to get medical help. Dropping her off on some street corner is culpable negligence and if anything happens to her, you guys could be held partially responsible.

 

I'm sorry--the right way to handle this would have been to model the adult behavior of calling the police and getting medical help. Your son, while wrong for opening the door(which is why I am not saying anything about him), did everything he could have, that girl could need some medical help. She could have been OD'ing, she could have been running from an abusive situation.

 

And your Dh just dumped her on the side of the road. Sad.

 

Oh abd btw, to my stalker--go ahead and give me another negative. You are a grade a coward and moron if you can sling rep points without leaving your name. It seems I have someone who likes to follow me around here and give me negative points and leave comments like "whatever". I got one because I was JOKING with everyone else in the "what are the perks with the levels of bees" and they gave me a negative. I can't say what I really want to say..

[Snickerdoodle]

You should have called the Police, they should have picked that girl up and they would have taken her to get medical help.

 

I agree. In the end, she's someone's daughter.

[Snickerdoodle]

I meant to add before my son hit the keyboard and the message entered:

 

Very scary situation all around. My stomach would have dropped if I came home to a situation like that. I'm glad your son is safe.

[j.griff]

ITA, and I must say I am shocked that a hsing family would make such a poor decision. OTOH, I guess the stress of the situation can cloud ones judgement, and ITU wanting her out of the house away from the children. I would have tried to talk her outside, if that were the case AND Call the police and have them pick her up. There was absolutely NO reason for dh to be alone with a strange woman in a bad mental state in a vehicle to "give her a ride", she could accuse him of anything.

[Kissy]

That is soo scary. I am glad everyone is safe. I think people are being a little harsh I am sure you were in shock. I am not sure I would have had my wits enough to call police but I would have wanted to get her out of there too. I do hope if the situation presents itself again you will call police when you see someone that bad off. I have addicted family members and that is the best thing you can do for them. You could be their saving grace. But I understand how you felt coming home and just wanting her gone and away from your kids so she couldn't do any harm. Hugs.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

ITA, and I must say I am shocked that a hsing family would make such a poor decision.

 

Ah, Jenn, we're all at the end of the day only just human. Homeschooling, traditional schooling, or hybrid wackadoos like me. We all do what seems best with the information we have.

 

No one gets up in the morning saying, "You know, I think I'll make some poor decisions today, especially if I can manage to find myself scared nearly out of my wits. Let's see, think, think..."

[GothicGyrl]

Pam, if you are a hybrid wacko, then what am I? :)

 

And no, we are not being harsh, sorry. Her husband more than anyone else, was in the wrong. Yes, her son should not have even cracked the door, but she stated that this person "pushed" their way in. That tells me it was out of her sons control immediately, which therefore means he is not responsible.

 

What should have happened, homeschooling, unschooling, no schooling, wacko or not--was them calling the police the minute they walked in the door. Her DH could have been killed by taking her in his car! And that girl could have died once he dumped her.

 

Harsh or not, that's the truth of it. Yes, they were in shock, but her DH should have never, EVER denied her calling the police at any time, before during or after. The police should have been called immediately, but baring that, she should have called once DH returned. End of story. In fact, the police would be telling him the same thing, only they wouldn't be so nice about it. What he did was more stupid than the son opening the door.

 

But that aside, that was someone's child that you just unceremoniously dumped in a bad part of town. I would not want that hanging over my worst enemy's head. The worry alone, would kill me. What if she really and truly needed your help? You just threw her out to the same "wolves" that put her in that position.

 

I don't care if this sounds harsh, it burns me. Common decency for your fellow man has gone out the door. "Good Samaritan" no longer exists. And it's sad.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Pam, if you are a hybrid wacko, then what am I? :)

 

And no, we are not being harsh, sorry. Her husband more than anyone else, was in the wrong. Yes, her son should not have even cracked the door, but she stated that this person "pushed" their way in. That tells me it was out of her sons control immediately, which therefore means he is not responsible.

 

What should have happened, homeschooling, unschooling, no schooling, wacko or not--was them calling the police the minute they walked in the door. Her DH could have been killed by taking her in his car! And that girl could have died once he dumped her.

 

Harsh or not, that's the truth of it. Yes, they were in shock, but her DH should have never, EVER denied her calling the police at any time, before during or after. The police should have been called immediately, but baring that, she should have called once DH returned. End of story. In fact, the police would be telling him the same thing, only they wouldn't be so nice about it. What he did was more stupid than the son opening the door.

 

But that aside, that was someone's child that you just unceremoniously dumped in a bad part of town. I would not want that hanging over my worst enemy's head. The worry alone, would kill me. What if she really and truly needed your help? You just threw her out to the same "wolves" that put her in that position.

 

I don't care if this sounds harsh, it burns me. Common decency for your fellow man has gone out the door. "Good Samaritan" no longer exists. And it's sad.

 

You're a homeschooler, as far as I know. No? *shrug*

 

I just don't see the point in telling someone who came onto the boards to express extreme relief that nothing horrible happened to her ds how wrong she and her husband handled the situation, that's all. No offense, honestly, to j.griff. I agree with her 99.9% of the time, I'd say, and value her opinions. Otherwise I wouldn't bother to reply to her.

 

But I'm not as direct as some, though I'm not arguing that this is always such a wonderful thing. I do care about sounding harsh, maybe that's my issue here.

[GothicGyrl]

Yes, pam, I am a homeschooler, for some time now. That comment was directed to your comment about J.griff saying "homeschoolers..."

 

And sometimes harsh is what people need. Yes, I am glad nothing happened. But if anything, her son should be commended for having a cool head and keeping calm in the situation! He was cooler and reacted better than mom and dad did.

 

Yes, she came here to sound off. But she can't expect no one to comment (just as I can't or you can't) to something that she (or I or you) said if someone here takes exception to it. That's the nature of message boards.

 

If you came on here wanting only good opinions on a chosen curriculum and I happen to know the bad side, I'm going to tell you that bad side because I believe it makes one very ill-informed to only know the good side (as well as delusional).

 

That's what she got. She's thankful nothing bad happened. That's a good thing. But she admonished her son for handling it the way he did, when she should have been standing up to her husband and telling him "NO" to him driving her to a bad side of town.

 

Hindsight is 20/20 as they say, so maybe she can take the good and "harsh" from these posts and work to correct it in the future (which, hopefully there won't be a future). Of course, had she called the Police, nothing I said would be "harsh", they'd have said the same thing.

 

 

And since I'm going for the whole cookie not just the chocolate chips--I must not be too harsh if I've already received 7 (that's SEVEN) positive rep points from my post above. Obviously, I'm not alone in my thinking.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

 

And since I'm going for the whole cookie not just the chocolate chips--I must not be too harsh if I've already received 7 (that's SEVEN) positive rep points from my post above. Obviously, I'm not alone in my thinking.

 

 

Ah, good for you!

 

The "speak the truth with love" rule applies for me, as I'm sure at the end of the day it does for you. I suspect what that looks like may be different from my end than from your end. But the heart intent is probably the same.

[Quiver0f10]

There was absolutely NO reason for dh to be alone with a strange woman in a bad mental state in a vehicle to "give her a ride", she could accuse him of anything.

 

This is exactly what went through my mind when I read that.

[kalanamak]

out the door if you like, but jump back in, lock it, call 911. She needs help, I'd bet. Hope is isn't too cold where she is. I lose patients this way...wander off from a mental institution and sit on a train track or come back very psychotic with completely raw feet :(

[Joanne]

I'm glad your family is safe.

 

I do think that in the moment of being confused, stunned and frightened, your DH made a mistake just as your son did. It happens; even as adults with kids. Don't be too harsh on your son, therefore. And consider even telling him that your DH made a mistake in safety, security and even in the interest of the woman.

 

If you haven't already, please educate your son (and other kids) on how certain drugs create the necessity of this lifestyle, how she needed medical attention. And that she needed a trespassing record on her criminal history.

 

One final thing, treakers and similar junkies are often "simply" incoherent. They are ALSO often SEEMINGLY incoherent. It could be she was fine, gathering information on your patterns, life and posessions. Yet another reason a police report should be filed in case your place was being scoped by her and others.

[j.griff]

:eek:

Ah, Jenn, we're all at the end of the day only just human. Homeschooling, traditional schooling, or hybrid wackadoos like me. We all do what seems best with the information we have.

 

No one gets up in the morning saying, "You know, I think I'll make some poor decisions today, especially if I can manage to find myself scared nearly out of my wits. Let's see, think, think..."

 

I understand that, and I was probably "stereotyping" while thinking that someone who would be more discerning than (IMO) most of the population concerning their dc's education, that they would be more discerning in such a situation as this. I do understand that the stress of the situation could have been very befuddling, and I sympathize with that. But the OP suggested phoning the police when her dh arrived home, and he told her not to. :eek: That raises red flags for me, personally.

I was shocked at the decision not to call. I am not trying to be harsh, and I am very glad that the OP's family is safe. I just disagree with the way it was handled. I probably should have just left the hsing comment out of my first reply, and I'll keep that in mind in the future. :)

[j.griff]

You're a homeschooler, as far as I know. No? *shrug*

 

I just don't see the point in telling someone who came onto the boards to express extreme relief that nothing horrible happened to her ds how wrong she and her husband handled the situation, that's all. No offense, honestly, to j.griff. I agree with her 99.9% of the time, I'd say, and value her opinions. Otherwise I wouldn't bother to reply to her.

 

But I'm not as direct as some, though I'm not arguing that this is always such a wonderful thing. I do care about sounding harsh, maybe that's my issue here.

 

No offense taken, :) We just disagree on this subject.

[GothicGyrl]

Ah, good for you!

 

The "speak the truth with love" rule applies for me, as I'm sure at the end of the day it does for you. I suspect what that looks like may be different from my end than from your end. But the heart intent is probably the same.

I agree, Pam, that "speaking truth with love" is a good thing--but that doesn't mean "speak it as though you are a doormat". Meaning, one can very well speak the truth with love and still raise the roof on this person.

 

It reminds of the comic "Zits". Just recently, the teen son, who only just got his learner's permit, got arrested for "sneaking out at night with mom's car to see a girl".

 

Of course he was clearly in the wrong, but the way mom and dad handled it was a mix of "what WERE you thinking/I'm going to kill you/thankfully you are safe" and throughout the whole comic, this was shown.

 

So yes, one can speak the truth with love while still being harsh enough to set in the reality of what could have happened.

[Claire]

I have a sister who is mentally disabled, and the idea of her being dropped off in a bad neighborhood when she is off her medication (in the past this has happened through no fault of her own!) is truly frightening. The police are trained to deal with people who are on drugs or mentally ill, and they would have gotten this woman the help she needed. At the very least, they would have kept her safe. Dropping off a mentally disabled woman in a bad neighborhood was definitely not in her best interests.

[Peek a Boo]

I just don't see the point in telling someone who came onto the boards to express extreme relief that nothing horrible happened to her ds how wrong she and her husband handled the situation, that's all.

 

I think there is a HUGE point in hearing that one screwed up so they can take correct action next time.

 

Speaking the truth in love is great, but speaking a half-truth [which is what happens when you withold Very Important Information like Consequences] is NOT "love." true love educates and protects. It reaches out past superficialness and touches the heart. Sometimes that hurts at first, but I really hope we don't all mistake tough love for being mean.

 

I do think that *even at this point* the police should be called, for reasons given by Joanne and others. You need to do this *now* while all information you recall is as recent as possible --every hour that goes by means less information you can recall w/ clarity. This girl may have just MURDERED or beaten to w/in an inch of their life some opoor soul in a ditch somewhere that needs attention: and your actions might be hindering that person's very life and the authority's search/investigation. It will also model to your sons how to follow up correctly even when we seem to screw up --we may have to eat crow, but that's better than eating a Really Nasty situation later/ next time that could result in loss of life.

 

And while i certainly HOPE that the son would never do something like this again, i simply would never advise relying on such a course of action as "he probably won't....": WE ALL MAKE REPEAT MISTAKES --in fact, we often become complacent after "getting away" with the first one!! People are fallible. Repeatedly fallible. "You'd think they'd learn...." but even the best of us don't. We are merely human and need YEARS of teaching, training, and practicing in basic safety to protect ourselves and the people around us.

[Rhondabee]

That is soo scary. I am glad everyone is safe. I think people are being a little harsh I am sure you were in shock. I am not sure I would have had my wits enough to call police but I would have wanted to get her out of there too. I do hope if the situation presents itself again you will call police when you see someone that bad off. I have addicted family members and that is the best thing you can do for them. You could be their saving grace. But I understand how you felt coming home and just wanting her gone and away from your kids so she couldn't do any harm. Hugs.

 

I can't believe how harsh people are being here. I guess if you live with these types of people daily for any length of time, you automatically know how to act around them? Ya know, without you completely freakin' out?

 

Me? I would have been so scared, I wouldn't have been able to hear myself think over my heart pounding in my ears. I *certainly* wouldn't have called the police because I was worried about the health of an intruder in my home.

 

Maybe my own health and safety, but not hers....

 

And, when I'm freakin' out - with a situation I've never dealt with before - I do act more foolishly than when I'm in a hypothetical situation. DH, too. I'm just so glad this woman didn't attack the OP's dh while they were alone in the car!

[HSMom2One]

I'm so thankful that the family came in when they did, and that no one was hurt. I am with the others that stated that this could be a real learning opportunity for everyone involved. The police should have been contacted, not only for your safety, but for the young woman as well.

 

One of my ds' suffers from Bipolar Disorder, so my heart aches when I hear stories like yours. Because of the terrible state of our mental health system there are scores and scores of people, young and old, roaming the streets while suffering from episodes of manic, psychotic or depressive behavior. Many people suffering from mental illness try to medicate themselves with drugs and alcohol. For people that are not experienced with mental illness it is very frightening to come this close and become personally involved.

 

Tomorrow morning I have to testify in a commitment hearing for my son because he refuses long-term hospitalization. The system in our state is horrible and he has been in and out of the hospital 8 times in the last few months. One of the reasons we are trying to protect him is because he did what the young woman in your story did. He walked into a stranger's house the day after being released from the hospital. Fortunately nothing serious happened, but everyone involved was scared -- even my son who was terribly confused.

 

I'm only saying all this to add another perspective to the situation. While we first and foremost need to protect our families from danger, we also need to have compassion for the mentally ill and also those that struggle with addictions. This is why I wish the police had been called. The next house that young woman wanders into may shoot her or she may get run over by a car. Like someone said earlier, she's someone's daughter.

 

Please pray for the mentally ill and disenfranchised today as you read these posts. This is a very serious problem in our nation.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[GothicGyrl]

I think ALL of you who are admonishing us for being "harsh" need to step back and step off and look closely at the situation. You are not and because you are not, you think we are being mean and hurtful, when the opposite is truer.

 

Allow me:

 

THAT WOMAN COULD HAVE KILLED HER HUSBAND!

THAT WOMAN COULD HAVE BEEN SCOPING OUT HER HOUSE FOR A FUTURE ROBBERY!

THAT WOMAN COULD HAVE BEEN ARMED AND HURT HER CHILD!

THAT WOMAN COULD HAVE TWEAKED OUT ON THEM AND HURT EVERYONE!

 

Is that loud enough for you? Rhonda, I will not apologize for the "harshness" in my tone--but you "certainly" not calling the police shows your ignorance on how to protect yourself and your family.

 

NO ONE should have touched, interacted, or attempted to move this woman. Instead, the right thing to do would have been to escort everyone out of the house while on the phone with the police. Her DH put not only himself in jeapordy, but his entire family by denying his wife the right to call the police. What he did was flat out the most stupidest thing one can do--not thinking clearly or being scared does not matter!! That's when we should be thinking the best!

 

And it wasn't the point of worrying about the health of the intruder--it was worrying about you, your kids and your DH's safety!!! Period. The cops should have AND STILL SHOULD BE called!!

 

End of story. Go ahead and boo-hoo me while patting her on the back saying "it's alright". No it is not and it will never be, now. Fix it while you can. File the report just in case. Don't be stupid and ignore this.

 

And to those of you who have mentally disabled relatives: I am sorry they risk being treated this horribly. Even though one makes the decision to do drugs or drink, it IS a disability and some just cannot help it (speaking of the woman in the OP, not the mentally disabled). I had a Great Aunt who was Severe Down's who used to do this. Thankfully, everyone knew who Tia Bege was, or else she'd have been dumped by the roadside and I would have been robbed of a most wonderful Auntie. :(

[Peek a Boo]

Rhonda-- you might want to try calling your local police and asking THEM how one should have reacted in such a situation.

 

It's precisely because we CAN lose our cool and thoughtfulness in a situation that seing threads like this discussed ad nauseum is INVALUABLE. Words are much less harsh than actuality.

 

I missed one post above about the girl possibly accusing the dh of something --do you KNOW what an allegation of rape on her dh could do to this family?? Just the allegation alone??? And if she dies and evidence from him [hair, etc while he was helping her] is found on her?? That's a murder charge. They need to report this ASAP to protect themselves and help her. I am VERY glad that they are not hurt, but I am NOT relieved and even more frightened for them *now* because they "got away" with one mistake --i really hope they don't let one mistake of complacency snowball into another.

 

please, Please, PLEASE call the police.

[Gamom3]

I say this because, I had a situation a few years back. Dh was working nights, around 11:30pm the door bell rang, I ran to the door thinking my dh had forgot the house key, only to realize that he NEVER uses the front door,he always uses the garage. If I had not thought that by the time I got to the door, then I would have opened it. My dog scared off the person that was there.

You say your ds got up to check on something he was doing on the computer, he could have forgotten what day it was and thought it was his dad. You said the woman pushed her way in, once he opened the door. I would assume he probably tried to shut the door, once he saw it wasn't his dad. I don't know why he would have let the dog outside, but for him to be smart enough to go for a knife for protection...Good for him!!! I think this is a wake up call for him and he will be more on guard!!

[Rhondabee]

Is that loud enough for you? Rhonda, I will not apologize for the "harshness" in my tone--but you "certainly" not calling the police shows your ignorance on how to protect yourself and your family.

 

NO ONE should have touched, interacted, or attempted to move this woman. Instead, the right thing to do would have been to escort everyone out of the house while on the phone with the police. Her DH put not only himself in jeapordy, but his entire family by denying his wife the right to call the police. What he did was flat out the most stupidest thing one can do--not thinking clearly or being scared does not matter!! That's when we should be thinking the best!

 

:(

 

 

You misunderstood my statement a bit.

 

I didn't say that I *certainly* wouldn't call the police period. (Tho' I'm not sure I would have called them in front of her...)

 

I said that I would not be motivated to call them out of concern for the health and well-being of the person who had invaded my home. It seemed to me that several posters were *very* concerned about this woman's health and much less concerned about the family who was being violated. I don't think concern for this invader's welfare would or should be the motivation to call the police. I think the fact that she's an invader is more than reason enough.

 

And, I completely agree with your second paragraph (except that I don't think he was acting "stupidly" ~ I think "foolishly" would be a better term - less "Harsh" if you will). Calling foolish actions stupid isn't helpful; it only serves to stir up controversy and divert attention away from anything helpful you have to say. (Kind of like when someone leaves you negative rep - it riles you, but doesn't really altar your perceptions at all, right?)

 

Again, when my dh drove some *&^$)#(*^$ all around Atlanta one day for 4 hours, trying to find an ATM Machine that would accept his card, so he could give this guy some money for......Ya know, it was foolish. My dh felt violated, and it affected him deeply for weeks. Would it have helped him for me to have called him stupid? No. Understand a bit now?

 

I think probably, if I hadn't have fainted :p, I would have screamed, started hyperventilating, grabbed my children and RAN AS FAST AS I COULD TO THE NEIGHBORS. Hopefully they would be smart enough to call the police - LOL!

 

But, all that is just conjecture. Hypothetical. The point is I really don't know. Probably faint dead away, to be honest. :D I'm sorry, I just can't relate to being so sure of what I would do when faced with such a situation.

 

But, you and Peek have stirred me into thinking that we (my family) do need to have discussions about these kind of situations, and about what we should/would do.

[Colleen]

ITA, and I must say I am shocked that a hsing family would make such a poor decision.

 

So you wouldn't be shocked if a family who didn't homeschool made the same decision? Can you help me understand the difference? Thanks!

[Colleen]

What a scary situation, indeed! I am sorry you had to face that, and grateful no one in your family came to harm.

 

I think you have a great learning opportunity here for your entire family. You're surprised that your son let the woman in (and the dog out), and of course you'll talk about that with him. But I believe you also need to talk with him about how and your husband handled the situation. In my opinion, the example you set in not telephoning the police is somewhat contradictory to other messages you likely send your son. I understand that you wanted the woman out of your home, but if you were truly fearful in that sense, your husband could have simply put her outside and locked the door. Taking her in the car on his own was unsafe and unwise. It also didn't allow the young woman to receive the help she likely needed.

 

I know hindsight is 20/20, so please understand that I'm not admonishing you, but encouraging you to talk about these things with your sons and, in the future, not to hesitate to use the emergency resources we have at our disposal ~ for the good of all concerned. Peace to you.

[Rhondabee]

You make a good argument. And, I'm admittedly naive.

[Snickerdoodle]

I don't think anybody is worrying more about the safety of the intruder over the family. Of course the family is violated and should take every means to protect themselves.

 

Taking the intruder for a ride is not doing your best to protect yourself. The OP admitted that she didn't know what was "wrong" with the gal, just that she was incoherent. ANYTHING could have happened and it was a situation that law enforcement is better trained to handle.

 

The other question and this is certainly hypothetical because I do not know the OP or her personal situation, but perhaps the husband knows this gal somehow? I guess a little alarm rang in my head because I can't wrap my mind around the husband volunteering to take her for a ride. But as I said, this is conjecture.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I agree, Pam, that "speaking truth with love" is a good thing--but that doesn't mean "speak it as though you are a doormat".

 

 

Oh, I don't imagine anyone who knows me would confuse me for a doormat. A doormat with those spikey things that wants to whoop upside somebody's head instead of lying flat in front of the door, maybe. Maybe *that* kind of doormat. But not the, you know, "walk on me, please" type of doormat.

 

My way seems to work for me. Anybody tries to walk on me, though, just needs to look down and read, "Back off, @$$&*(e!"

[Peek a Boo]

ouch, snickerdoodle, but that's a valid question and one that most of us wouldn't consider.

Not only did he take her for a ride, but stopped someone else from making a call to the police.

It's the stopping someone else from calling that frustrates me the most i think.

that's two alarm bells. I hope they call and make a report and keep it from being three.

[j.griff]

Those two bells are ringing LOUDLY in my ears. I just can't understand these actions, and my suspicious nature is strongly speaking to me about this. But, assuming positive intent, this could have turned out very badly for the dh.

[Kelli in TN]

What a scary situation, indeed! I am sorry you had to face that, and grateful no one in your family came to harm.

 

 

 

I know hindsight is 20/20, so please understand that I'm not admonishing you, but encouraging you to talk about these things with your sons and, in the future, not to hesitate to use the emergency resources we have at our disposal ~ for the good of all concerned. Peace to you.

 

Well said!

 

I am very glad that no harm has come from this situation. When I hear of things like this happening to people I stop and think it through for myself and think "what if?" It helps to think ahead what one would do.

 

But sometimes people just don't react correctly under duress. Like the time my 13 year old daughter stood in the living room talking to emergency personel while in the next room the kitchen fire had already engulfed the cabinets and had progressed to fully rolling flames.:eek:

 

Of course I praised her for all that she did right, and then made it clear that if the house is ever on fire again, CALL FROM THE NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE!!!!

[*anj*]

I understand, but my heart stopped when you said DH drove her home, alone. I would have called the cops. Not in this day and age. What a scary, strange morning for you! {{{ hugs}}}

 

I agree with that. Did your dh have a weapon of some kind? What if she had pulled a gun or knife out of her purse?

I know it's water under the bridge now, but when I read that your husband got in the car with her alone, by stomach went into knots.

I'm glad it worked out and that you're all okay.:cool:

[Peek a Boo]

dh mentioned another possible reason for not calling the police:

many families have "minor legal infractions" already [unregistered guns? unregistered homeschooling? drugs? warrant? etc] and might be too worried about being caught over THAT infraction that they refuse to call about something else.

 

But when it involves a stranger in your house and you dumping her somewhere, i still find it hard to swallow.

[Claire]

I am very glad that no harm has come from this situation. QUOTE]

 

The problem is that great harm could have come to the young woman after she was dropped off. Women in that condition are subject to abduction, rape and murder. The police would at least have taken her to a place of safety -- probably to a hospital for evaluation.

[Kelli in TN]

]

 

The problem is that great harm could have come to the young woman after she was dropped off. Women in that condition are subject to abduction, rape and murder. The police would at least have taken her to a place of safety -- probably to a hospital for evaluation.

 

 

I don't disagree, this unfortunate situation has given me a chance to reflect on what I should do if I ever find myself in a situation like this with a stranger.

[Anna]

That question went through my mind as well.

 

No way I'd allow a drugged out stranger in my car not knowing if they were armed or not, not knowing if they might vomit or urinate in the vehicle. This person could have easily been wanted on multiple felony warrants. Too bad the police didn't get a chance to do a background check on her to find out either way.

 

Ditto!!!

 

Don't ever put a stranger in your car, knowing that they are not acting right. She could have caused a car accident, she could have had a gun... who knows! Bringing her outside away from your kids and then calling police might be best, for future references.

 

Not meaning to sound like I'm fussing at you but after dh put her in the car, things could have gone very, very wrong. I pray she doesn't hurt anyone before police catch up with her.