I am ...

[plain jane]

having a complete breakdown. My life is spiraling out of control and I don't know what to do.

 

First off, my 16 mos old is a tornado of epic proportions. This child climbs up on anything and everything, pulls everything off all my shelfs, throws things everywhere, eats out of the garbage, hides bills and books and everything that is not 4' up in the air. :willy_nilly: I can't keep up to it. There are batteries all over my floor, remote controls, books, bills, everything in my house is scattered everywhere. Purse contents, make up, toys, movies. Everything. And that is just by 7:30am when this child has been up for only 1/2 an hour. :001_huh:

 

I wish I were kidding. I can't get anything done. This one climbs out of play pen (and has hit head on floor), over baby gates, climbs out of restraints in high chair (or screams until we can't take it anymore), opens drawers and doors and simply can not be contained.

 

I can't live in this sort of chaos. I can't find any of the books we need for school because they are everywhere and anywhere. The only solution is to have everything put away 4' up in the air but we have a very open concept house and very little wall space.

 

I'm run ragged by kids' activities and specialist appointments x3 kids each week. I've realized I never get time to myself. I can't read a book. This child is go-go-go-go and I can never sit down. Ever. The only time I ever have to get any of my own work done is after bed time, which is 9pm. By then I am so utterly exhausted I can barely function. It's all I can do to get the kitchen cleaned up, kwim? I have not been able to plan a day of school since we started. Each day has become fly by the seat of our pants and my kids' education is paying for that.

 

Dh helps a tremendous amount but I still need more. The kids help too but then they don't get their school work done and now we are 3 weeks behind already. :001_huh: That alone is putting me over the edge.

 

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm totally falling apart. I don't think a day goes by when I don't wish we didn't have this baby. I know, it's awful but it's reality. Right now baby is destroying an iPod docking station. There are felt marker lines all over all the walls, books have been ripped up and destroyed or thrown into the dog dish, alarm clocks unplugged, causing dh to be late for work, DVDs wrecked, Wii games destroyed, Blu Ray player rendered useless, keys ripped off laptops, oh my ___, you name it, it's been destroyed. The latest fun is to push the water button on the fridge and flood the kitchen. :glare: Baby can climb up stools and get into the sink, did I mention open doors :glare:

 

As if being a mom of 5 kids wasn't busy enough. This is extreme. My life is just. so. crazy. I need this to end. If you've read my previous posts you know that I also have ongoing issues with my 4yo. I'm torn in a million different directions and utterly exhausted. My only saving grace is when I do finally get enough done that I can collapse in bed, I am able to sleep through the night. But sleep alone isn't going to save me.

 

I won't even get into all the other stressors dh and I have in our lives right now. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just so glad my marriage is strong and we have a great relationship. It's about the only thing that gets me through the days lately.

[WIS0320]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Reflections]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I completely understand the spiral. I'm sorry. I hope things turn a corner for you soon!

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry. It made me stressed out just reading about your stress! I know when I was little, the pediatrician recommended my mom put a hook an eye on the outside of my door. I must have been a terror :001_smile:

[blakereese]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry, mama. I'm glad you said your relationship with your husband is strong. Please unload on him as necessary. I know there might not be a lot of options right now to make things completely better, but it helps to have a teammate.

 

I know I feel like this a lot (and I only have 3 kids, so I can only imagine how crazy your life can be) and my 22 month old is in tornado mode now. It helps if I can get away, even if it is just an hour. Often I'll just wander around Target or go to the library ALONE and I've even just gone on a drive and played some really bad 80s music very loud while cruising around town. I don't do this very often, but when I do, I come back so refreshed and I tell myself I need to do it more often. OK, OK, within minutes I am back in the craziness and back where I started, but I do have a better perspective for an hour or so. :lol: I'm not at a point in my life that I can get out much and do things for me, like a book club or moms night out or whatever, so I have to take these little breaks when I can get them. DH will take over and I have to promise not to complain about anything that happens while I am gone. :D I know it doesn't solve anything, but sometimes it is good to just walk out of the chaos and breathe.

 

Hang in there, mama. I'm sorry you are having a rough time right now. :grouphug:

Edited October 10, 2012 by blakereese

[Aspasia]

Um...are you me? Because, I only have three kids, but if you sub your 16- month-old for my 2-year-old, and your 4 yo for my 5 yo, our lives sound eerily similar. I just told dh today that I feel like I'm just reeling. From what? Oh, a number of things, including a new baby (who is an angel, by the way--thank heaven), a bad move that was almost a year ago but sent me into this funk in the first place, and more. I've been trying to talk dh into a 4th baby (not now, obviously, but later), but I called him today and told him I'm done. I don't want to do little kids anymore. And it's ALL because of my 2 yo and his crazy tantrums, complete with banshee screaming, throwing things, slamming doors. These hings are launched several times a day, over every tiny little thing that doesn't go exactly his way. Unbelievable.

 

Long story short, I wish I had some wisdom, but I just don't. All I can offer is camaraderie.

Edited October 10, 2012 by infomom

[meggie]

I have no advice, but :grouphug:

 

Ok, I do have advice. Whenever I was feeling resentful towards Digby (he was a crazy child. He is starting to mellow out a bit at three) sometimes it was best to just hug him, hold him, tell him how much you love him, read him a book. I don't think it does much to help him be less of a terror, but hopefully it will help remind you that there is some good in him or to nurture some sweet feelings toward him or something. I hope that makes sense.

Edited October 10, 2012 by meggie

[Jean in Newcastle]

Can 16 mo. old go to daycare or a babysitters or Grandma's?

[DB in NJ]

Oh, Jane! :grouphug:

 

Is there any way you can bring the baby to daycare for a few hours a day? I would normally not suggest such a thing, but in your case, I think for your mental health you need a break. It would benefit everyone in the house if you can find a few hours of peace a day.

 

Is there any way to make bedtime earlier for the kids? I honestly have no other idea as to how to keep the baby under control. Other than strapping the baby to your back and getting done what you need to do ;)

 

I am sorry. Please cling to the fact that it's only for a season. :grouphug:

[extendedforecast]

:grouphug: I get it. My last one sounds so much like your little one. And she's a huge reason why my kids are in school right now. I just couldn't do it anymore.

Edited October 10, 2012 by extendedforecast

[justamouse]

Ohh you have one of those. :grouphug::grouphug:

 

They are the kid you know will be a Navy Seal and LOVE the job. I had one like that, If you told him to jump out of a plane, he'd tell you it wasn't high enough...

[heart'sjoy]

Just brainstorming.

 

doors with keyed deadbolts on both sides. you hold the keys.

 

I like the door and cabinet locks that use magnets to open.

 

IRL my experience is limited; a friend with 6 kids and all 1-1 1/2 years apart. Worked with her littles all morning in how to be a part of the family, no school unless someone did in independently at the opposite end of the house. Basically, eating, playing, and problem solving. School was in the afternoon with her then 7 and 5 1/2 year old.

 

Once I got a room or rooms secured, my next priority would be quiet time or naps for the youngest ones. Even if I had to start at just 10 minutes for a non napper and gradually build it up. This may not be possible if your priority now is appointments. That is also a season of life.

 

Overall I would focus, on safety rooms, a quiet time routine, then school. We still have to do this after weeks off. It's faster now that the kids are older but it use to take 2 weeks to get back to school.

[LaxMom]

:grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry. It made me stressed out just reading about your stress! I know when I was little, the pediatrician recommended my mom put a hook an eye on the outside of my door. I must have been a terror :001_smile:

 

Yup, that's what I was going to say. Not lock him in a room, but close and lock doors, use keys that are kept at the top of the doorway. Install magnetic cabinet locks and magnet the opener to the top of the fridge. Utilize closets, put hook locks on them. Sometimes, you just have to employ all out lock down for everyone to make it out of the toddler years without ending up an inpatient somewhere.

 

:grouphug: Remember: this is just a phase.

(I used to repeat that out loud, many times a day when Captain Chaos and Doctor Destructo were that age.)

[justLisa]

A little genius in the making. Oh he's like your avatar! :lol:

 

Really it is difficult. I'm so happy I can't see straight when I read your line about your marriage. SO true. I am still like a honeymooner and it is the thing that gets me through it all

[plain jane]

Oh, Jane! :grouphug:

 

Is there any way you can bring the baby to daycare for a few hours a day? I would normally not suggest such a thing, but in your case, I think for your mental health you need a break. It would benefit everyone in the house if you can find a few hours of peace a day.

 

Is there any way to make bedtime earlier for the kids? I honestly have no other idea as to how to keep the baby under control. Other than strapping the baby to your back and getting done what you need to do ;)

 

I am sorry. Please cling to the fact that it's only for a season. :grouphug:

 

This is what I had been doing but baby screams and rips my hair out. :glare: Talk about OUCH!! Then I really hurt my back from the extra 25lbs all day long and haven't been able to do baby wearing since. Not that it was pleasant at the end. :glare:

 

I would love an earlier bed time for the kids but reality with extra curricular activities and errands that need to be run, I can't get them down much earlier. I can't run errands during the day because my 4yo is out of control. :( :glare:

 

My list of things that need to get done and what actually do get done are so out of proportion that I feel like I am drowning from the moment I wake up every day.

 

I'm a very visual person. I find it very hard to function when everything I own is littered all over the floor. I let as much slide as I can but ... I can't even fold laundry with this child. Everything I fold gets thrown as fast as I can fold it. :tongue_smilie:

 

Baby does nap in the afternoons but I need that time to do some solid school work with my older kids. Oh how I wish I could get that time for myself and refresh/regroup/find some sanity but my kids need me.

 

I feel like it never ends, and really, I don't think it does.

[brownie]

Nobody has given any advice and I don't feel qualified. I am way past that stage of parenting so I hardly remember. Do you think the baby is aware that he is being destructive? That makes a difference.

 

I did have one with a violent temper. I think he was 2-ish at the time. We baby gated his room. He wouldn't climb over for some reason. I would put him in there when he was having a fit and he would literally fling books and Thomas the Train pieces over the gate and into the hallway. It made me crazy but at least it was easier to ignore when he was confined to his own space with his own stuff. As I recall I would sometimes get furious and march in there and remove all his books and trains :) Then he had precious little to fling at the wall. Can't say it worked but if it preserves your sanity....well that's what's important!

 

I'm sure other will recommend diet changes, giving him attention 1st thing in the morning, etc...

Brownie

Edited October 10, 2012 by brownie
ETA: ok while I was posting you did get some advice :)

[DianeW88]

Can 16 mo. old go to daycare or a babysitters or Grandma's?

 

:iagree: You need a break!

[DB in NJ]

This is what I had been doing but baby screams and rips my hair out. :glare: Talk about OUCH!! Then I really hurt my back from the extra 25lbs all day long and haven't been able to do baby wearing since. Not that it was pleasant at the end. :glare:

 

I would love an earlier bed time for the kids but reality with extra curricular activities and errands that need to be run, I can't get them down much earlier. I can't run errands during the day because my 4yo is out of control. :( :glare:

 

My list of things that need to get done and what actually do get done are so out of proportion that I feel like I am drowning from the moment I wake up every day.

 

I'm a very visual person. I find it very hard to function when everything I own is littered all over the floor. I let as much slide as I can but ... I can't even fold laundry with this child. Everything I fold gets thrown as fast as I can fold it. :tongue_smilie:

 

Baby does nap in the afternoons but I need that time to do some solid school work with my older kids. Oh how I wish I could get that time for myself and refresh/regroup/find some sanity but my kids need me.

 

I feel like it never ends, and really, I don't think it does.

 

How old are all of your kids?

[plain jane]

:grouphug: I get it. My last one sounds so much like your little one. And she's a huge reason why my kids are in school right now. I just couldn't do it anymore. Yesterday I left to take my DD to the bus stop. She was sleeping soundly in my bed when I left. Apparently she woke up and got out of bed without DH noticing while I left. When I got back she greeted me, leading me to the kitchen where she managed to open the fridge door, pull out the eggs, and make a huge mess. In her cutest face, she tells me she wants eggs. Then out of the corner of my eye I see a flame. She had dragged the laundry basket, flipped it over and turned on the cooktop. I about had a heart attack. She did this in the 15 mi utes I was gone. I'm :bigear: because I don't know what to do at this point either. And it makes me sad that we can't have anything nice because she'll just destroy it if I happen to turn the other way.

 

Oh my! To be truthful, I am fearful of what things will be like when this child turns 2 and is bigger and stronger and smarter. :blink: I can't even think on that or I start hyperventilating.

[plain jane]

Nobody has given any advice and I don't feel qualified. I am way past that stage of parenting so I hardly remember. Do you think the baby is aware that he is being destructive? That makes a difference.

 

I did have one with a violent temper. I think he was 2-ish at the time. We baby gated his room. He wouldn't climb over for some reason. I would put him in there when he was having a fit and he would literally fling books and Thomas the Train pieces over the gate and into the hallway. It made me crazy but at least it was easier to ignore when he was confined to his own space with his own stuff. As I recall I would sometimes get furious and march in there and remove all his books and trains :) Then he had precious little to fling at the wall. Can't say it worked but if it preserves your sanity....well that's what's important!

 

I'm sure other will recommend diet changes, giving him attention 1st thing in the morning, etc...

Brownie

 

To be honest, I don't think so yet.

 

The worst part is all the stuff that gets thrown into the garbage. Some things I have been witness to and been able to save them. Many others, not so much. Like our lost PVR remote :glare: or countless other things that are worth a decent amount of money.

[JenC3]

I would hire a carpenter to do a half type door on his bedroom and make it safe and friendly, but put him on lockdown. That and maybe some daycare or a mother's helper.:grouphug: I would be employing drastic measure because I'm visual too and that kind of chaos would drive me crazy.

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry. It made me stressed out just reading about your stress! I know when I was little, the pediatrician recommended my mom put a hook an eye on the outside of my door. I must have been a terror :001_smile:

 

Yup, that's what I was going to say. Not lock him in a room, but close and lock doors, use keys that are kept at the top of the doorway.

 

 

Just to clear the air, I wasn't advocating locking him in a room like that. I was just sharing what my mom did. Certainly, the other options like downsizing where a child can go by locking them out of areas, rather than in, and locking cabinets are great ideas.:001_smile:

Edited October 10, 2012 by QuirkyKapers

[besroma]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am glad you and your DH have a solid relationship. When that isn't in place, things are so much more difficult.

 

I am so sorry things seem impossible right now. I understand.

[Catwoman]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[plain jane]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am glad you and your DH have a solid relationship. When that isn't in place, things are so much more difficult.

 

I am so sorry things seem impossible right now. I understand.

 

:lol: I can't help but think that our great relationship is probably what got us in this mess in the first place. :willy_nilly: :biggrinjester::smilielol5: maybe I need to learn to settle for mediocrity! ;)

[AdventureMoms]

Oh god, that sounds like my life. And I have only 3 kids and no special needs. However, I have TWO like your 16mo. My DW came home today to find a drawer in the kitchen (where the boys are NOT ALLOWED) pulled out and upside down, with the contents strewn about the floor and down the entryway steps.

 

SHe stepped over it like it wasn't there, it's such a common thing.

 

Is there any area in your house you can reallly, seriously, heavy-duty babyproof. We have done this, and it helps quite a lot. THey still make a huge god-awful mess, every single day, and destroy every single blessed thing they get their hands on (I estimate that they shred 2 books a day), but it does help.

 

ETA, If you're really stuck on a containment plan, start a thread on here and give some details on the layout of your house. I bet people will have alot of ideas. You need somewhere to contain baby that is somewhat near (but separate from) somewhere for you to do school. I bet something could be worked out, especially if you can budget a bit to make it happen.

Edited October 10, 2012 by AdventureMoms

[plain jane]

I would hire a carpenter to do a half type door on his bedroom and make it safe and friendly, but put him on lockdown. That and maybe some daycare or a mother's helper.:grouphug: I would be employing drastic measure because I'm visual too and that kind of chaos would drive me crazy.

 

Baby sleeps in my room. :(. There is no where else at this point. I'm ok with the arrangement :) just saying this isn't an option, unfortunately. I try to keep room closed at all times as there is too much to get into.

[MeganW]

I had triplets who figured out that one could squat down and the others could use them like a stepping stool, and it was a nightmare!

 

I ended up completely 100% babyproofing one full room. We then used those baby gates that are meant to be at the top of stairs (screw into the wall instead of pressure mount). We mounted one, then mounted another directly on TOP of the original, so the entire doorway was covered.

 

I also would have DIED without crib tents. The most cheaply made product, and yet I bought them numerous times as they got torn up, b/c there wasn't an alternative on the market.

[MeganW]

:grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry. It made me stressed out just reading about your stress! I know when I was little, the pediatrician recommended my mom put a hook an eye on the outside of my door. I must have been a terror :001_smile:

 

I turned the doorknob around when my kids were toddlers, and locked them into the bedroom at night. I was so afraid somebody would somehow get out while we were asleep and fall down the stairs or walk out the front door! All my friends were horrified, but you gotta do what you gotta do to keep them safe!

[renmew]

My life is pretty crazy, and I totally get being too tired to do much at all once the kids are finally asleep, but you can't go on like this for too long. I have young kids, so my advice is untested, but I see a couple of options.

 

1. Put the older kids in school for now. Bond heavily with the tornado and attempt housework only during nap time. When things are better under control, bring older ones home one at a time.

 

2. Put the tornado in daycare, unschool for two weeks while relaxing/getting the house in order. Then, begin schooling again, finding a good schedule that works for you and the kids. Then slowly reduce time spent in daycare, slowly...

 

Sometimes kids in our pre-k class are allowed half days only, when they can't seem to tolerate a whole day at school. You could do the opposite, limiting time at home, as tolerated by the child.

 

Prayers and hugs for you!

[AdventureMoms]

Baby sleeps in my room. :(. There is no where else at this point. I'm ok with the arrangement :) just saying this isn't an option, unfortunately. I try to keep room closed at all times as there is too much to get into.

 

Any other rooms that could be babyproofed? A sibling's room? Dining room? Basement that could be a playroom? Rec Room? How old are your older kids?

[JenC3]

I had triplets who figured out that one could squat down and the others could use them like a stepping stool, and it was a nightmare!

 

I ended up completely 100% babyproofing one full room. We then used those baby gates that are meant to be at the top of stairs (screw into the wall instead of pressure mount). We mounted one, then mounted another directly on TOP of the original, so the entire doorway was covered.

 

I also would have DIED without crib tents. The most cheaply made product, and yet I bought them numerous times as they got torn up, b/c there wasn't an alternative on the market.

 

This sounds like a good idea.

[AdventureMoms]

I had triplets who figured out that one could squat down and the others could use them like a stepping stool, and it was a nightmare!

 

I ended up completely 100% babyproofing one full room. We then used those baby gates that are meant to be at the top of stairs (screw into the wall instead of pressure mount). We mounted one, then mounted another directly on TOP of the original, so the entire doorway was covered.

 

 

Yup. My twins do this. We have the living/dining room about 95% babyproof. There are some upper shelves with books that they get into sometimes, but usually they're content to just strew the rest of the (reasonably indestructible) stuff everywhere all day. We have their room 110% babyproofed, since one of them started climbing out of the cribs. We have doorknob covers on the inside so they can't get out. It sounds awful, but frankly I dont' see an alternative. Yes, I shut them in there with a basket of toys when I need a few minutes to pick up the tornado they've created downstairs....

[applethyme]

I had triplets who figured out that one could squat down and the others could use them like a stepping stool, and it was a nightmare!

 

I ended up completely 100% babyproofing one full room. We then used those baby gates that are meant to be at the top of stairs (screw into the wall instead of pressure mount). We mounted one, then mounted another directly on TOP of the original, so the entire doorway was covered.

 

I also would have DIED without crib tents. The most cheaply made product, and yet I bought them numerous times as they got torn up, b/c there wasn't an alternative on the market.

 

My now 4year old was an absolute terror at 2yrs old who destroyed everything. We finally took one room baby proofed it and used baby gates. It was the only thing that worked. Fast forward a bit and that same terror taught himself to read and use the computer. He is still a busy handful but very very bright and in need of a lot of educational stimuli. I think that's why there was all the destruction. He was trying to learn.

[Totmama]

Is there any way to hire a mothers' helper to watch the tot and play with him for several hours during the day? Either a HS teen or even one of the 'church ladies' at your church?

 

Can you use the two days a week your H is off to do two days of HS?

 

You need some help. You deserve to feel in control enough to feel sane.

[ktgrok]

small trash can on top of the refrigerator..seroiusly...I have a friend that had to go that route. Works great, but you have to empty it more often.

 

For your own peace and sanity I'll suggest something my mom friends said to me...have ONE room you keep clean. Or relatively anyway. One room. So maybe your bathroom, or your bedroom, or whatever room you can close off. Put a lock up high on it if you have to. That way you have one room you can retreat to for a few minutes and feel more peaceful.

 

Also, my oldest was the way you describe. They do grow out of it, I swear. In a few months it should be MUCH better.

[AdventureMoms]

small trash can on top of the refrigerator..seroiusly...I have a friend that had to go that route. Works great, but you have to empty it more often.

 

For your own peace and sanity I'll suggest something my mom friends said to me...have ONE room you keep clean. Or relatively anyway. One room. So maybe your bathroom, or your bedroom, or whatever room you can close off. Put a lock up high on it if you have to. That way you have one room you can retreat to for a few minutes and feel more peaceful.

 

Also, my oldest was the way you describe. They do grow out of it, I swear. In a few months it should be MUCH better.

 

Small trash can in a cupboard with a cabinet lock on it, fwiw, is what we do about the garbage issue.

 

I also highly support the idea of hired help of some sort for even just a few hours.

[EKS]

I put my older son in daycare first three then five mornings per week starting when he was 19 months old because I just couldn't take it anymore. He was exactly the same way. The other thing I did was to *completely* babyproof the family room (where we spent the most time). Every morning I had to rearrange the furniture to get it ready for him.

[Stayseeliz]

I totally understand. My 18mo is a tornado. We call her the ping pong ball. She is exhausting. The kids are behind in everything and I'm supposed to be working for DH right now. It's absolute chaos around here. I do love her to pieces but I totally understand. :grouphug:

[Shellydon]

I had this toddler too. I baby proofed the living areas and kept a basket of his stuff available with him. I gated off the school room so he could not get into it at all. I only did school when he was asleep or otherwise supervised. I hired a homeschooled teen to play with him 2 mornings a week for 2 hours each time. When he was awake, I followed him around the entire time. I did not allow him to throw and destroy. If I would get down on the floor and play with him, it helped a lot. I cleaned on the weekends and hired house keeping help twice a month. Until he turned 3, my eyes were on him 100% of the time unless he was asleep or being supervised by someone else. My older kids were not able to watch him, he was just too destructive. Now he is 3.5 and much better. My 10 yo can keep an eye on him and yells if he is getting into trouble. He can still be really destructive and is very stubborn, but life is improving.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I would unplug the water to the fridge.

 

Use the screw-in magnetic locks on every single cabinet (they are really, really strong).

 

Lock the fridge if needed.

 

Lock doors or turn handles around. On our doors, you can use a fingernail to unlock.

 

Maybe if you post some pictures of your layout, we can give you more ideas.

 

You could call a babyproofing company and beg for help. I had a wonderful woman come out to me for free and install 2 locks i purchased, and told me what other stuff i needed.

[In the Rain]

:grouphug: