Help! Feeling torn about life-changing decision.

[Xuzi]

DH got offered a job today. He applied to it because he's frustrated with the work environment at his current employer, and this job would move us significantly closer to family, which we desperately want to do (we're currently 12 hours from my parents, and 14 hours from DH's. This would move us to just 20 minutes from a large chunk of DH's family, although still 12 hours from my parents, but I'd have a sibling and his family nearby, and other extended family). There'd also be more educational opportunities for me, should I decide to go back to school (which I'm leaning heavily towards), and we'd be in an area that just has more stuff to do!

 

BUT, it would mean a 30% cut in pay, we'd be moving from a state with no income tax to a state that does have income tax, COL is only slightly lower than where we are currently, it would be a lateral move, career-wise, for DH, and while houses in our neighborhood are selling and we're not underwater on our loan, we'd be lucky to get anything out of the sale after real-estate fees.

 

(and yes we looked into all of this before applying, but we honestly didn't expect the offered pay to be so LOW!!! If it were only a 20% pay cut we'd feel more comfortable with accepting it)

 

I just feel conflicted. I really really really want to move closer to family, but would it be worth it to take this drastic a pay-cut to do it? And if we turn it down because of the pay (they told DH the max amount of $ they're willing to pay), will I someday regret choosing the money over family? It would mean scaling back our budget quiet a bit, but by golly we'd be near family! :tongue_smilie:

 

Help me sift through this!

[SweetandSimple]

I think that it depends how financially comfortable you are right now. Then see if you could live with the new budget. If it isn't too tight, then it sounds like it might be a wise move.

 

But if you'd really be scrimping... I don't know. Are there other jobs in the area that he could apply for? Maybe this doesn't have to be a now-or-never decision.

 

Good luck! :)

[Xuzi]

I think that it depends how financially comfortable you are right now. Then see if you could live with the new budget. If it isn't too tight, then it sounds like it might be a wise move.

 

But if you'd really be scrimping... I don't know. Are there other jobs in the area that he could apply for? Maybe this doesn't have to be a now-or-never decision.

 

Good luck! :)

There are some other jobs, but this company is the "top payer" in his field in that state, so applying elsewhere would likely mean an even greater pay-cut. :glare:

[Rosie_0801]

I'd choose money over my family, but I've never met yours so I can't say. :tongue_smilie:

 

Rosie

[Susan C.]

Where are there more opportunities, where you are, or the new location?

 

AND adding: states w/o income tax usually have higher something else tax, in Texas (used to live there), it isn't an income tax state, but real estate taxes are really high. So get all taxes, health insurance costs, etc. so you can weight it all.

Edited September 5, 2012 by Susan C.

[Melinda in VT]

I have a very low tolerance for financial stress, so I would be hesitant to head into financially shaky waters (moves and new locations always seem to cost more than I think) to be near family.

 

On the other hand, I know how soul-crushing it can be to have a bad work environment. I would put up with some financial uncertainty to get DH out of a bad job.

[Xuzi]

Where are there more opportunities, where you are, or the new location?

 

In the new location. They've been popping up here and there. Although there will likely be opportunity for advancement at a hospital North of us that DH is itching to apply for, even though it would take us in the *opposite* geographical direction we want to go in. We're in a small community, and about an hour from any other potential job opportunities in his field in this area.

 

About the money vs. family thing, I LOVE DH's family, and so do my kids. When they visit here or we visit there "GoodBye Time" is always a sob-fest. They want to be near Grandma and Grandpa and their aunts and uncles so much. But it would mean having to scale back quiet a bit in our budget, and we're rather comfortable where we are financially right now. We're not even sure we'd be able to afford a house near his new job. We'd likely to have to rent.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[Amira]

Can you negotiate at all on the salary? Is there much potential for him to move up in the new job? Does the current job or the new job have better benefits?

[AnnaM]

What are the chances for moving up the ladder? A few years ago we took a drastic pay cut so my DH could move jobs, BUT he was pretty much stuck at that job and the new job gave him room to eventually be making more.

 

I would want to be close to my family but I do not know how stressful your finances would be so I could completely understand choosing to stay.

[Parrothead]

I'd choose money over my family, but I've never met yours so I can't say. :tongue_smilie:

 

Rosie

Me, too. (As I sit here among them. )

[Sara in AZ]

No advice, but :grouphug:. I really, really want to get back to my family, too. We haven't explored the market too much, but I have a feeling DH is in the top of his field pay wise right now, and I don't think he'd be able to get that where my parents are. I worry that we might be in your shoes eventually. I think it might be worth it, though, to be near family. Every time we visit I think about how everyone's getting older and won't be around forever....:(

 

I'd have to pray about it, a lot! Please keep us posted in what you decide.

[Xuzi]

No advice, but :grouphug:. I really, really want to get back to my family, too. We haven't explored the market too much, but I have a feeling DH is in the top of his field pay wise right now, and I don't think he'd be able to get that where my parents are. I worry that we might be in your shoes eventually. I think it might be worth it, though, to be near family. Every time we visit I think about how everyone's getting older and won't be around forever....:(

 

I'd have to pray about it, a lot! Please keep us posted in what you decide.

 

We're in WA now, and they're the highest paying state for his field, unless you go into a major metropolitan area. Anywhere we move is going to be a pay-cut. Crunching the #'s is making it look like it'd be tight, but possibly do-able.

 

As far as advancement opportunities, DH doesn't seem to think there will be many chances at this place. He'd have to find yet another new job (hopefully within that same state/city) if he wanted to move up. Which is at least a semi-perk to where we are now. Other places of employment that he could advance his career at are easier to come by there than here.

[Jpoy85]

I'd choose money over my family, but I've never met yours so I can't say. :tongue_smilie:

 

Rosie

 

:lol: Id choose money over DHs family.

[scrapbabe]

I'd choose money over my family, but I've never met yours so I can't say. :tongue_smilie:

 

Rosie

:iagree::lol::lol::lol: No way in heck would I move closer to my inlaws!!

[Xuzi]

I'm crunching the numbers, and it isn't looking promising. :( We really may not be able to financially do this.

[Mom-ninja.]

I would not do it. I hate stress about money.

[CupOCoffee]

If there is any doubt whatsoever about making it financially, I would not do it. It's just too risky. Everything will cost more than what you thought it would, things will go wrong (and even if it's "little" things, those add up). No way.

 

We don't live far away from family though, so take what I've said with that consideration. I still think I would NOT do it if there were any doubt.

[duckabell]

We were in a similar situation a few months ago regarding moving closer to my family. It just didn't work when we crunched the numbers, and the timing of our baby being born and our lease ending wasn't ideal either. We'll still end up seeing my parents once a year and my family every other year, but it's hard not to be closer. Also, my family is notorious for moving and sometimes you never can guarantee that your family won't move after a few years if their situation were to change.

[SW in IL]

I'd choose money over my family, but I've never met yours so I can't say. :tongue_smilie:

 

Rosie

 

Omg... that's hilarious. I feel the same way, though. I'd choose money over my family.

 

But I would choose my future husband's family over money (assuming it was enough money to meet basic and necessary expenses).

 

It sounds to me like you're trying to talk yourself into the move. If that's the case, I'd say do it. With the caveat that the pay cut isn't going to affect your basic and necessary expenses. I'd much rather live with my future in-laws and have less money than live with my mom and be able to eat out at least once a week.

 

Just my thoughts,

Sue

[2squared]

I wouldn't do it either, but I also have a high need for financial security. My dh is looking for new employment for the same reason, and he turned down a job last night that required too much pay decrease. I just don't want to go back to struggling. It's too tough on me mentally.

 

I see that your oldest child is 7yo. What I can tell you is that I have seen our child expenses balloon in the past year or two. My kids are eating a lot more as they get older, and everything they do or touch is expensive. They are spending tons more time out with friends - movies, sporting events, etc - and everything has $ attached to it in one way or another. Their clothes are more expensive. We have to buy sports equipment now that they are playing as older kids, and it's not cheap.

 

I didn't understand how the expenses would ramp up when my oldest was 7yo. Now, I know all of this spending is optional, but we really, really want to do most of it. If you really, really want the same thing, then you will need the income to do it. KWIM?

[meena]

If there is any doubt whatsoever about making it financially, I would not do it. It's just too risky. Everything will cost more than what you thought it would, things will go wrong (and even if it's "little" things, those add up). No way.

 

:iagree:

 

For a lateral move with no real chance of future advancement, I would say no.

[Sahamamama]

BUT, it would mean a 30% cut in pay...

 

[snip]

 

If it were only a 20% pay cut we'd feel more comfortable...

 

Somewhere in between that 20% and that 30% you will find the money for making more visits to family.

[besroma]

Can he negotiate a signing bonus? I know that would not help annually, but companies are often willing to do that since it is a one-time cost. Perhaps you could save that and subsidize for the first year, or pay off a debt and reduce payments you might have.

 

Would you have a lot of help from your ILs with homeschooling, or other support?

 

Would that help and the fact that your kids get to grow up near grandparents outweigh the scaled-back lifestyle?

 

I grew up down the street from my grandparents and cousins. My father took a risk leaving a high-paying job to make that happen, and I am forever grateful for that. I do not know if he ever took them up on it, but I do know they would have helped financially if we needed it. It was sometimes more difficult for my mom to live so close to them for so many years, but I know that she is grateful that she had that time with them.

[Xuzi]

I wouldn't do it either, but I also have a high need for financial security. My dh is looking for new employment for the same reason, and he turned down a job last night that required too much pay decrease. I just don't want to go back to struggling. It's too tough on me mentally.

 

I see that your oldest child is 7yo. What I can tell you is that I have seen our child expenses balloon in the past year or two. My kids are eating a lot more as they get older, and everything they do or touch is expensive. They are spending tons more time out with friends - movies, sporting events, etc - and everything has $ attached to it in one way or another. Their clothes are more expensive. We have to buy sports equipment now that they are playing as older kids, and it's not cheap.

 

I didn't understand how the expenses would ramp up when my oldest was 7yo. Now, I know all of this spending is optional, but we really, really want to do most of it. If you really, really want the same thing, then you will need the income to do it. KWIM?

 

I need to update my siggy, my oldest is actually 8, but I get what you mean. My DD really wants to do ballet, and *I* really want to continue to teach aerobics classes and attend my own dance lessons (belly dance). So far neither of my boys have shown any interest in any kind of extracurricular activities other than basic swim lessons, but that could very easily change in the near future.

 

Taking this job would make things very tight for us, but it makes me uneasy to think of turning down family for money, even if we would be giving up a LOT more than just that money to be there.

[5LittleMonkeys]

Have you taken into account ALL the cost of living expenses in the new location?

 

I know when we moved from TN to CO we were flabbergasted by the cost of taxes and registration on our vehicles. Where we were in CO we payed based on the value of our vehicles and they were all new including a 35 ft. 5th wheel! That first year it cost us $1200.00 to register 2 vehicles and the camper!:glare:

 

 

 

I hope a clear path makes itself obvious to you.

[Xuzi]

It's looking pretty sure now that we won't be taking it. It sucks, but the pay cut is just too much. We already live pretty frugally, and there's not much we could cut out to give us more wiggle room. We have until Friday morning to give them our answer, and we'll be praying about it in the meantime. Unless the Lord has a miracle waiting for us around the corner, it's looking like we'll have to let this offer pass. Hopefully another window will open up somewhere else soon.

[TranquilMind]

I wouldn't do it. The average cost of living raise is 2-4% anually so it could take a looong time to get your dh back to his current pay level.

 

I would keep looking for other opportunities. I have very low tolerance for financial stress.

Yes, 30% pay reduction with higher costs and a house you might not be able to sell at a profit would deter me.

[DianeW88]

It's looking pretty sure now that we won't be taking it. It sucks, but the pay cut is just too much. We already live pretty frugally, and there's not much we could cut out to give us more wiggle room. We have until Friday morning to give them our answer, and we'll be praying about it in the meantime. Unless the Lord has a miracle waiting for us around the corner, it's looking like we'll have to let this offer pass. Hopefully another window will open up somewhere else soon.

 

It will. And you'll know it when it's right....no stupor of thought at all. :grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

I'd choose money over my family, but I've never met yours so I can't say. :tongue_smilie:

 

Rosie

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

30% is a HUGE cut. What would that mean to your family? How drastic a change in your living are you willing to make to live near family? I don't know if I could do it.

[Denisemomof4]

It's looking pretty sure now that we won't be taking it. It sucks, but the pay cut is just too much. We already live pretty frugally, and there's not much we could cut out to give us more wiggle room. We have until Friday morning to give them our answer, and we'll be praying about it in the meantime. Unless the Lord has a miracle waiting for us around the corner, it's looking like we'll have to let this offer pass. Hopefully another window will open up somewhere else soon.

 

I think declining sounds like the right decision. You can still keep trying!

[ZeldaRules]

EVERYTHING is negotiable. If you think today that the pay isn't enough, then tell the company he can't take the job for less than X pay. Ask for more than you want to see if they come up with another number. It doesnt hurt to ask..if you think our answer is no anyways, what do ou have to lose?. I would not move for a 30% pay cut. We live far away from family. I would need a 30% pay raise to move to deal with the snow again. ;). Good luck.

[Sara in AZ]

It's looking pretty sure now that we won't be taking it. It sucks, but the pay cut is just too much. We already live pretty frugally, and there's not much we could cut out to give us more wiggle room. We have until Friday morning to give them our answer, and we'll be praying about it in the meantime. Unless the Lord has a miracle waiting for us around the corner, it's looking like we'll have to let this offer pass. Hopefully another window will open up somewhere else soon.

 

This is what I keep telling myself... that when the time is right everything will work out.

 

Also, I have a friend that moved to CO to be close to her family. Her DH took a new job up there. She was really unsure about the whole thing and agonized about it for months beforehand. They even unpacked and repacked the moving van right before they left she was that mixed up about it. This was at the end of June, and guess what? They were back by the time school started again at the beginning of August. (At least she and the kids were. Not sure what her husband is doing.) I didn't even have a chance to e-mail her the going away pictures we took! So, I guess it's better to be sure now and pass it up, then accept and worry and have it not work out!

[Susan C.]

We're in WA now, and they're the highest paying state for his field, unless you go into a major metropolitan area. Anywhere we move is going to be a pay-cut. Crunching the #'s is making it look like it'd be tight, but possibly do-able.

 

As far as advancement opportunities, DH doesn't seem to think there will be many chances at this place. He'd have to find yet another new job (hopefully within that same state/city) if he wanted to move up. Which is at least a semi-perk to where we are now. Other places of employment that he could advance his career at are easier to come by there than here.

 

We moved here from a job loss at quite a pay cut (and a cost of living higher than where we were). It took many years and a lot of struggle, but we are now established here. So if you really want to be near family, it might be worth starting the process. It looks like eventually you could make it there (more opportunities), but you would have to figure out what you would do in the meantime. My dh worked a second job. Other friends I know in the same situation went back to work. Could you live with family for awhile to get a pocket of money available to float you until it worked out? Is the family open to helping a bit to get you nearer? ("We could move nearer, but the pay is less, so if you want us, can you help until we get established here?")

 

Also have your dh talk to people in his field and make sure he isn't lowering his pay value by taking the lower salary. Sometimes once you do that, it becomes the new starting salary at any job.

[Xuzi]

We moved here from a job loss at quite a pay cut (and a cost of living higher than where we were). It took many years and a lot of struggle, but we are now established here. So if you really want to be near family, it might be worth starting the process. It looks like eventually you could make it there (more opportunities), but you would have to figure out what you would do in the meantime. My dh worked a second job. Other friends I know in the same situation went back to work. Could you live with family for awhile to get a pocket of money available to float you until it worked out? Is the family open to helping a bit to get you nearer? ("We could move nearer, but the pay is less, so if you want us, can you help until we get established here?")

 

Also have your dh talk to people in his field and make sure he isn't lowering his pay value by taking the lower salary. Sometimes once you do that, it becomes the new starting salary at any job.

 

That's the one thing that *would* be (semi)easy about this move. We'd be moving in with our IL's until our house sold at the very least, and I imagine they wouldn't mind us staying there a bit longer while we saved up money for a down payment. We have the only grand kids. :D

 

But then I wonder about how long it might take us to sell, and what the costs/risks are with leaving a house vacant...

[Xuzi]

EVERYTHING is negotiable. If you think today that the pay isn't enough, then tell the company he can't take the job for less than X pay. Ask for more than you want to see if they come up with another number. It doesnt hurt to ask..if you think our answer is no anyways, what do ou have to lose?. I would not move for a 30% pay cut. We live far away from family. I would need a 30% pay raise to move to deal with the snow again. ;). Good luck.

 

I keep trying to tell DH that, but he's convinced that their saying "Our offer is nonnegotiable" means just that. :glare: Even just $3/hr. more and we could totally do this. And it looks like they're in a real need for people in his position. They've posted this job 3 times already this year (and this was the second time they tried to schedule an interview with him, they tried earlier this year but we were on vacation and didn't get the message in time), and two days before DH's interview last week they posted an opening for the same type of job AGAIN, so it looks like they're really trying to expand their workforce. I'd take that as a sign that they might be willing to negotiate.

[Harriet Vane]

I keep trying to tell DH that, but he's convinced that their saying "Our offer is nonnegotiable" means just that. :glare: Even just $3/hr. more and we could totally do this. And it looks like they're in a real need for people in his position. They've posted this job 3 times already this year (and this was the second time they tried to schedule an interview with him, they tried earlier this year but we were on vacation and didn't get the message in time), and two days before DH's interview last week they posted an opening for the same type of job AGAIN, so it looks like they're really trying to expand their workforce. I'd take that as a sign that they might be willing to negotiate.

 

If he is going to turn down the job anyway, then he loses nothing by attempting a negotiation.

 

He can be frank about the pay cut and what it means to his family, while also expressing enthusiasm for the company, the work, and the other advantages offered by accepting.

 

They will either negotiate or they will turn him down. If they refuse to negotiate, he can still decide to take the job if he wants it.

[labst60]

Does DH have any flexibility to negotiate the salary? Past his first job, DH has always successfully negotiated the salary of his new jobs to the range we expected.

 

Look at salary.com to make sure the new salary is in range for the job/area.

 

Personally, I wouldn't take a 30% drop. I'd wait for a better job in the area you want. Last year, we moved cross country for lateral pay (and an awesome opportunity). That was hard enough - there are just SO MANY costs that pop up when movng long distance - outside the truck, etc. For instance, just registering our cars and getting drivers licenses cost us $1000 and that didn't include MOVING the cars! The move has financially paid off for us b/c of the growth opportunity - so if it was a TREMENDOUS growth opportunity I'd consider it if you can negotiate to 10-15% less. Less than that, I say be patient and wait for something better.

[FaithManor]

I need to update my siggy, my oldest is actually 8, but I get what you mean. My DD really wants to do ballet, and *I* really want to continue to teach aerobics classes and attend my own dance lessons (belly dance). So far neither of my boys have shown any interest in any kind of extracurricular activities other than basic swim lessons, but that could very easily change in the near future.

 

Taking this job would make things very tight for us, but it makes me uneasy to think of turning down family for money, even if we would be giving up a LOT more than just that money to be there.

 

You aren't choosing money over family. You are choosing the family you are most responsible for, your children, over relatives. That's it. You have to stop thinking of it this way. The health, well being, and financial security for your children is priority number 1, not relatives. Parents who need to live closer to family can move. They are no longer raising children. They are retired. They can sell the house, pack up, and move to you if need be. If they do not need your assistance yet, then they can make the choice to stay.

 

You have nothing to feel guilty about. You are still raising children and have a long way to go before your DH can retire. That makes it VERY important that you make healthy financial decisions and especially in an economy in which wages have stagnated and in many industries, employees have taken pay cuts in order to remain employed. Now is not the time to take a 30% pay cut if your cost of living is not also decreasing by at least that much more more.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: It's hard, I know. There is a reason my MIL lives in Michigan and not in Florida. She didn't want to be alone after her DH died and wanted to be near us. Moving to her area would have been financial suicide for us. So, we never even considered it. She moved here and is having a lovely life!

 

Also, now that I have three teenage sons, I can tell you that big pay cuts are not the way to go if you can avoid it! They are eating monsters, literally the "cookie monsters" of Sesame Street and behave towards food in much the same way as "Animal" from "The Muppets". It's not "BEAT DRUMS! BEAT DRUMS!" But, "EAT FOOD! EAT FOOD!" On top of that, they still outgrow their clothing only it's a lot more expensive and not so easy to find used. :tongue_smilie: I'm about to embark on a $120.00 expenditure for DS which will only get him three pairs of pants. He has to have a 24" waist and 29.5" inseam. I'm ordering 26x30's from Lands End and paying someone else to alter them because I just do.not.have.time. It would be worse if I didn't have the 25% off and free shipping codes. Sigh.... This is the same child that is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard on clothing.

 

Faith

[labst60]

You aren't choosing money over family. You are choosing the family you are most responsible for, your children, over relatives. That's it. You have to stop thinking of it this way. The health, well being, and financial security for your children is priority number 1, not relatives.

 

:iagree: Faith is so very right on this one. Please don't look at it as "money vs. family". I had a similar mental argument with myself before we made our move (which took us away from family). It was a great opportunity for DH (despite similar pay) - but the REAL bonus was that DH would have a 5 minute commute vs 1 hour. That meant instead of spending 30 minutes with dad a day - they got 2.5 hours - PLUS he comes home for lunch, can be at their 'stuff' sometimes. I felt so torn about leaving my (extended) family that I almost didn't make the decision that was going to be best for my (immediate) family.

[Xuzi]

Well, it IS kind of my immediate family that I'm considering here. My kids are always lamenting the fact that they have no cousins around, and whenever an extended family visit comes to an end it's a sob fest followed by a few days of moping. I would LOVE for my kids to have Grandma and Grandpa close by, plus all of the aunts and uncles etc. that live there too. Also, even if the job environment ends up being the same as the job environment here, at least my DH would have even more family support to help bolster him up, and *I'd* be happier because I love my IL's, and they'd be willing to watch my kids while I continued my education, and my MIL is very supportive of our homeschooling and would help us out with that as well. So immediate family considerations actually are what's leading us towards moving closer to extended family.

[JennyD]

If he is going to turn down the job anyway, then he loses nothing by attempting a negotiation.

 

He can be frank about the pay cut and what it means to his family, while also expressing enthusiasm for the company, the work, and the other advantages offered by accepting.

 

They will either negotiate or they will turn him down. If they refuse to negotiate, he can still decide to take the job if he wants it.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[LMA]

My husband says never take a job that is much lower in pay. He says you have that much more to make up when asking for compensation in the next job.

[besroma]

If he is going to turn down the job anyway, then he loses nothing by attempting a negotiation.

 

He can be frank about the pay cut and what it means to his family, while also expressing enthusiasm for the company, the work, and the other advantages offered by accepting.

 

They will either negotiate or they will turn him down. If they refuse to negotiate, he can still decide to take the job if he wants it.

 

:iagree:

 

Also, even if the job environment ends up being the same as the job environment here, at least my DH would have even more family support to help bolster him up, and *I'd* be happier because I love my IL's, and they'd be willing to watch my kids while I continued my education, and my MIL is very supportive of our homeschooling and would help us out with that as well. So immediate family considerations actually are what's leading us towards moving closer to extended family.

 

Can you speak to your ILs about how long you could stay with them?

 

If their willingness to help with the kids allows you to further your education at a faster pace, would this allow you to contribute toward the loss of income? (I am not sure if your education is so that you can enter the workforce, etc.).

[Xuzi]

:iagree:

 

 

 

Can you speak to your ILs about how long you could stay with them?

 

If their willingness to help with the kids allows you to further your education at a faster pace, would this allow you to contribute toward the loss of income? (I am not sure if your education is so that you can enter the workforce, etc.).

 

My IL's would let us stay with them for a while. Their youngest is just now moving out, and he's almost 25. :tongue_smilie: They're both retired and have a largish house. The kids could have their own rooms, plus a dedicated toy room.

 

My education would help me be able to bring in income, but not for several years. I went to college after HS, but in a completely unrelated area to what I want to go for now, so I doubt if many of my past credits would matter much. I'd basically be starting from scratch.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[LaxMom]

I need to update my siggy, my oldest is actually 8, but I get what you mean. My DD really wants to do ballet, and *I* really want to continue to teach aerobics classes and attend my own dance lessons (belly dance). So far neither of my boys have shown any interest in any kind of extracurricular activities other than basic swim lessons, but that could very easily change in the near future.

 

Taking this job would make things very tight for us, but it makes me uneasy to think of turning down family for money, even if we would be giving up a LOT more than just that money to be there.

 

You're not putting money ahead of family. You are making your family's daily life a priority, and income is a large part of that.

[Tess in the Burbs]

in 2010 Dh took a 20k less a year job that had us move 4 hours away and eventually foreclose on our house due to the short sell falling apart the day of closing on the banks end. Obviously hind sight is worth so much.....

 

I won't lie. I thought we could do the less income. It was hard. We had no Christmas that year and it was friends that blessed my kids with gifts that year.

 

The stress was a lot and we finally had to cash out IRA/401k money(paying for it now in taxes due) to get out from under some debt.

 

So my advice is to be honest about your finances. If you have debt that sucks all your paycheck now you won't be able to live on less. Lower cost of living isn't always an accurate way to gauge your spending in an area.

 

After 15 months dh took a job back in the area we had come from, we moved and paid all that money to move AGAIN. yep, for a higher salary so we weren't so stressed about money.

 

At this point I can't say it was a bad decision. I miss where we had been but the stress was so much to bear.

 

We once moved cross country to be closer to family.....and it didn't work out. In fact we are farther from family now than ever.

 

I know family is important but people move or pass away.....go where is good for your family and money. And if it gets the bonus of extended family yay. But you have to be able to live without stressing all the time. I know. :grouphug:

[Xuzi]

We'll be turning down the job this morning. :( Every time we crunched the numbers it just came up too tight, and every time we prayed about accepting it it just didn't feel "right". About the only "light" we're finding from this is the feeling we've each gotten as we've prayed that something better was around the corner. Perhaps a better job, or family moving to OUR area, or something like that. So as much as it sucks, and as much as we'd *really really* hoped this would work, it just isn't.

[PentecostalMom]

Not having read all of the replies, I want to say that we have been in this exact boat for the last few years and just took nearly a 75% pay cut to be near family. It's been worth everything we had to scale back. My kids are beside themselves with joy, I am more relaxed because I know I now have "help" if I need it. Dh is loving being able to help his mom with "manly" type projects (she is divorced) and we are at home with our church family.

 

Money is fleeting and family is forever. I wanted my children to be able to be around their family and grow up with thier cousins. I wanted to be around my parents as they are getting older and not in good health. I don't regret it for a second.

Edited September 7, 2012 by PentecostalMom