How to combine faiths in one nuclear family (Catholic/Protestant)

[speedmom4]

Anyone BTDT?

 

My background is Catholic. I was raised in the church and received all of the sacraments through confirmation. My husband and I were married in the church (even though he is Protestant) and our firstborn was baptized Catholic. When our dd was about a year old we moved close to dh's family. They are wonderful people and welcomed me with open arms into their family. They are all non-denominational Christian but have attended an Assemblies of God church for 30 years.

 

When I was first introduced to my in-laws church I thought they were all whack-a-doodles. The first time I heard speaking in tongues in church I was honestly scared. But there was a part of me that was intrigued. I was very impressed with their children's and youth programs. My dh's family gently nudged me to question my Catholic faith. I wanted so much to be accepted and feel part of the "club" that I decided to leave my church and become Protestant. I have had wonderful experiences with our AG church and love our pastor and the people in the church. My children (especially my dds) are VERY involved with the youth program. They have a wonderful supportive group of friends and adult leaders.

 

The problem is that I LONG for my Catholic faith. I recently went to confession and have attended mass twice in the past couple of months. The priest who heard my confession was wonderful. He didn't pressure me to return and just encouraged me to listen to the Holy Spirit. It was so wonderful to receive communion and be in mass again. I know that I belong there.

 

BUT, I would never ask my children to give up their church. They are so happy where they are and I am also happy with it. My husband is fine to go either place. I think he would love to convert to Catholicism but knows it would be very difficult for our children at this point.

 

Does anyone have suggestions on how to combine faiths into a nuclear family? I really don't want us attending different services on Sunday. I want us to be together. The only solution I can think of is that we all attend the AG church on Sundays and I go to mass when I can, during the week and Holy Days.

 

I would also like to educate my children a bit about Catholicism without trying to convert them. Does anyone have some good resources?

 

Please don't bash either denomination. I have no hard feelings about the AG church. My beliefs line up more closely with Catholicism than Protestantism but I see the benefits of both.

 

Thanks so much for any suggestions.

 

God Bless,

Elise in NC

[k2bdeutmeyer]

:bigear:

 

This is very similar to my situation - only I'm the protestant.

[speedmom4]

:bigear:

 

This is very similar to my situation - only I'm the protestant.

 

Have you all tried combining faiths? Any tips?

 

Elise in NC

[Annie G]

We've been juggling this for many years, with me being raised Catholic and dh being Baptist. After about 15 years of going back and forth, we found a lovely Lutheran church that fits. We're both ok with this.

 

I'm not sure how you can combine a Catholic and an AG, but I wanted to encourage you that there are many of us who have successfully juggled a mixed faith marriage.

 

When our kids were young, I used a set of books- I think it was called Life and Faith- to enhance our kids' knowledge of the Catholic faith. At the time it was the same stuff they used in our local Catholic schools. Not sure how much of it 'took'- our oldest married a Baptist minister.g

[HappyCrazyMama]

I'm not in this situation but I think your solution is the best solution if you don't want to cause waves and if you go during the week won't the children come with you? Then they might have questions and can learn about Catholicism in a very organic way and you can get materials if they show more interest. IDK some Catholics may be more help with that aspect.

 

We recently converted to Orthodoxy and I totally understand wanting to be part of the sacramental life/liturgical year of the Church.:grouphug:

[Danestress]

my Anglican church is very liturgical and we celebrate Eucharist weekly and observe a lot of the holy days that are important to Catholics too. At the same time, we are spirit focused and probably share an evangelical church's attitudes regarding scripture. I love celebrating Eucharist weekly and would not give that up. I do feel a sense of brotherhood with Catholics. But a lot of people from more evangelical churches have also felt very at ease with us and I love the easy, relaxed feel of our congregation.

 

Maybe you can find a small Anglican church in your area and check it out. I see you are in the Piedmont. If you are near enough Charlotte that you want to visit my church, PM me.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Have you all tried combining faiths? Any tips?

 

Elise in NC

 

We've tried to find a church home for ALL of us, but so far, haven't found anything that is perfect. DH was raised catholic, went to catholic school, the whole 9 yards. He, however, isn't overly religious. As in....he doesn't really care if he even goes to church at all. Although, I do think he is strong in beliefs to some extent.

 

I grew up Disciples of Christ, with a brief Lutheran stint (for about 4yr when I lived with my dad). When I was about 20, my church broke apart and my pastor started a new non-denominational church. My daughter and I went there for a few years before I met DH. DH went with us for a little while, but it really wasn't a good fit for ANY of us.

 

We tried quite a few churches and they were either too traditional for me, or too "showy" for DH. I finally decided that I needed to, at least, plug my children in somewhere. I chose a large Assembly of God church near our home, because I knew they would LOVE their children's programming. As suspected, they do.

 

Honestly, I think *I* would enjoy their Sunday service as well, but I KNOW DH would not be okay with it. So...here we sit....at a standstill.

[Kathryn]

:bigear: DH and I seem headed in different directions theologically, but we think it's important to attend as a family.

[speedmom4]

my Anglican church is very liturgical and we celebrate Eucharist weekly and observe a lot of the holy days that are important to Catholics too. At the same time, we are spirit focused and probably share an evangelical church's attitudes regarding scripture. I love celebrating Eucharist weekly and would not give that up. I do feel a sense of brotherhood with Catholics. But a lot of people from more evangelical churches have also felt very at ease with us and I love the easy, relaxed feel of our congregation.

 

Maybe you can find a small Anglican church in your area and check it out. I see you are in the Piedmont. If you are near enough Charlotte that you want to visit my church, PM me.

 

 

 

To be honest, no, I wouldn't consider the Anglican church. I think it is a wonderful faith but I already know that I want to return to Catholicism. I won't be asking my children to leave the AG church. They have been raised in it for all of their lives (with the exception of my oldest who began attending at 2 years old). I am really trying to find a solution to peacefully live with 2 faiths under one roof. My children will be fine if I return to Catholicism and I am fine with them remaining Protestant. I want to find practical ways to do this.

 

Thank you so much for the suggestion! And BTW, we are in the Charlotte area.

 

Elise in NC

[Avila]

As a Catholic, you need regular access to the sacraments. That means going to Mass every week. You could go Saturday evening or Sunday evening, but you need to be at Mass. Very, very important. You can go to Mass by yourself, if need be and then with them the next morning. But if you feel that call to come home, you need to obey it.

 

Other than that, I would pray. Everyone involved is old enough to have an opinion, and it would be a pretty big difference for the kids. I think you start by being a witness and living your faith. You pray. You invite but don't force. And you answer questions, as they have them. But you begin with you, as you are already doing.

 

:grouphug:

[QuirkyKapers]

Could you attend Mass during the week? Would your kids go with you? Or is there a Sunday evening Mass you could attend as a family?

[speedmom4]

As a Catholic, you need regular access to the sacraments. That means going to Mass every week. You could go Saturday evening or Sunday evening, but you need to be at Mass. Very, very important. You can go to Mass by yourself, if need be and then with them the next morning. But if you feel that call to come home, you need to obey it.

 

Other than that, I would pray. Everyone involved is old enough to have an opinion, and it would be a pretty big difference for the kids. I think you start by being a witness and living your faith. You pray. You invite but don't force. And you answer questions, as they have them. But you begin with you, as you are already doing.

 

:grouphug:

 

Thank you for responding! This is very comforting to me. I like the idea of going on Saturday night. I hadn't even thought of that.

 

I noticed that you are in the DFW area. I grew up attending St. Andrew's in Fort Worth!

 

God Bless,

Elise in NC

[QuirkyKapers]

Oops! I must have been typing while Asenik was posting:)

[ktgrok]

Well, this doesn't fix things if you REALLY feel you need to stay in the Catholic Church, but have you tried an Episcopal church? Many many many interfaith families find themselves there.

 

Never mind, saw that you really want to stay in the Catholic church. Then I would say go on Saturday Evening, and bring whomever wants to go with you. Then you go with them on Sunday morning.

Edited August 1, 2012 by ktgrok

[Avila]

Very cool! I am at St. Joseph's in Arlington.

 

Something that may help, when and if they have questions, is the Catholicism DVD series by Fr. Robert Barron. It is theology, history and some really beautiful videography all in one. It is great to watch a little and then discuss.

 

Thank you for responding! This is very comforting to me. I like the idea of going on Saturday night. I hadn't even thought of that.

 

I noticed that you are in the DFW area. I grew up attending St. Andrew's in Fort Worth!

 

God Bless,

Elise in NC

[Candid]

Friends of mine did this. They met in a protestant church and had children in it. But at some point she wanted to be RC again. What they did was to continue to go to the Protestant church together as a family and if possible to the RC church as well. But sometimes she went to RC by herself due to schedules (she was a labor and delivery nurse in birth center so her hours were erratic). Her husband loved going to the RC church and I think even played guitar there some. Her kids were less accepting: that's a place to be tolerant. I can remember her being amused that her daughter totally rejected the Nicene Creed even though in the church we were all in, it is still a core document. Her dd told her flat out, the creed wasn't X denomination's when it really was. My friend took the high road and just smiled.

 

So my main advice is be flexible. Don't feel like you must "educate" your children, especially if they are teens. If they say stupid stuff that bothers you, try to laugh, if you must ask quiet questions that reflect more on your faith walk than debating with your children.

[TammyS]

Personally, I wouldn't try "combining" anything. Not to say I would be forcing a conversion on your children....but I would share your journey with them, talk to them about what you are going through and reading, and place the emphasis on *finding the truth, whatever it is*. To me, the real question would be, "Does the truth matter? If it doesn't, then who cares where or if we go to church? If it does, then aren't we obligated to find out what the truth is and order ourselves accordingly?"

 

Again, to me, the issue isn't on whether this place has a better youth group or that place has a nicer/prettier/more fun service. The question is, where is the truth? Are the beliefs the same or different? What things matter and what things don't?

 

I personally think that we send a bad message to our children when we shop denominations based on things like activities or aesthetics. Truth first, everything else second.

 

Figure out what you think is true. Share that journey with your whole family. Pray A LOT. Then pray some more. Let your children know that you are only looking for the truth and that they are *encouraged* to question everything. You can look for the answers together. They will respect your dedication to truth and that alone can reap huge benefits for your family life and their own ethic as adults. :grouphug:

[speedmom4]

Friends of mine did this. They met in a protestant church and had children in it. But at some point she wanted to be RC again. What they did was to continue to go to the Protestant church together as a family and if possible to the RC church as well. But sometimes she went to RC by herself due to schedules (she was a labor and delivery nurse in birth center so her hours were erratic). Her husband loved going to the RC church and I think even played guitar there some. Her kids were less accepting: that's a place to be tolerant. I can remember her being amused that her daughter totally rejected the Nicene Creed even though in the church we were all in, it is still a core document. Her dd told her flat out, the creed wasn't X denomination's when it really was. My friend took the high road and just smiled.

 

So my main advice is be flexible. Don't feel like you must "educate" your children, especially if they are teens. If they say stupid stuff that bothers you, try to laugh, if you must ask quiet questions that reflect more on your faith walk than debating with your children.

 

I like this idea a lot. My younger dd will be the most opposed about the whole situation. My oldest dd will be be the most supportive. And my boys won't care either way. They will just hope they don't have to go to church more than once a week! :rolleyes:

 

I think living my journey out with them rather than "educating" or convincing them is the way to go. I'm truly not trying to convert any of them. I just need to do what is right in my heart regarding my own faith.

 

Thanks so much!

 

Elise in NC

[Parrothead]

I agree with Asenik, you need to be living your faith. Sounds like the Holy Spirit is working within you.

 

You mentioned that you think your dh would like to convert. Maybe he could pray about it.

 

I don't know how you would mix AG and RC. The differences are such that one would lose out. You can't just fit Catholicism in where you can.

 

Converting the entire family could be done. It is done all the time. Why wouldn't you want the Sacraments and the Grace they impart for your children? Isn't that more important than anything else?

 

I get that you don't want to force change. I don't think you should. Living your faith will be the greatest witness. Take the entire family to Mass on Saturday evening and on Holy Days. Pray the rosary as a family. Explain how the BVM "gave" the rosary to St. Dominick.

 

Being Catholic is so much more than mass Sundays.

 

Dr. Scott Hahn has some good books. They are mostly apologetics and he has written one about his conversion story. At a more basic level Catholicism for Dummies has good info in it.

 

You'd be welcome at the Crossing the Tiber social group.

[ktgrok]

OH, and maybe look for a parish that has a more active youth group. Some are more into catholic youth opportunities than others.

[speedmom4]

I agree with Asenik, you need to be living your faith. Sounds like the Holy Spirit is working within you.

 

You mentioned that you think your dh would like to convert. Maybe he could pray about it.

 

I don't know how you would mix AG and RC. The differences are such that one would lose out. You can't just fit Catholicism in where you can.

 

Converting the entire family could be done. It is done all the time. Why wouldn't you want the Sacraments and the Grace they impart for your children? Isn't that more important than anything else?

 

I get that you don't want to force change. I don't think you should. Living your faith will be the greatest witness. Take the entire family to Mass on Saturday evening and on Holy Days. Pray the rosary as a family. Explain how the BVM "gave" the rosary to St. Dominick.

 

Being Catholic is so much more than mass Sundays.

 

Dr. Scott Hahn has some good books. They are mostly apologetics and he has written one about his conversion story. At a more basic level Catholicism for Dummies has good info in it.

 

You'd be welcome at the Crossing the Tiber social group.

 

Thank you for the info. Honestly I don't even know how to be a Catholic at this point. I have been gone for 15 years. I became Protestant at age 22. I didn't really own my Catholic faith when I was younger. I feel like I'm starting from scratch.

 

I saw the book Catholicism for Dummies at the bookstore in the church. I did buy the book, Returning Home to Your Catholic Faith. It was very gentle and encouraging but didn't have anything about the nuts and bolts of returning. I guess I need something basic to build my own foundation before I can educate anyone else in my family.

 

When I went to confession I asked the priest how to return to the church and explained how I had been attending an AG church for 15 years. He was wonderful and just said to just try it out. Now I need help figuring out how to do it.

 

Honestly it is very tempting for me to just not rock the boat and go to the AG church. I HATE causing problems. It will be a problem for my husband's family. They won't understand.

 

I so appreciate everyone's suggestions!

 

God Bless,

Elise in NC

[Ellie]

Welcome home. :grouphug:

 

I know...you aren't all the way there yet, but you can see the light at the front door. :)

 

If your dh is amenable, you could talk to the children and tell them what you've been contemplating, and that you'd be happy to talk to them about it. You could start attending Mass at a time that won't conflict with the AG services (if that's possible) and invite anyone to go with you who wants to--no pressure...but you might find the AG services less satisfying personally as time goes on. That's what happened to me. :)

[Starr]

I would attend with my family and other services at the Catholic Church as well. The difficult part is that while you are happy with the family at the AG will the AG community accept your going to the Catholic Church?

[fairfarmhand]

Anyone BTDT?

 

The only solution I can think of is that we all attend the AG church on Sundays and I go to mass when I can, during the week and Holy Days.

 

 

 

this is what I would do. And I would make an effort to include my children on the "special" services. This may open doors for them to see things from your point of view.

[milovany]

Have you asked your kids? Have you taken them to mass yet? When we converted to the Orthodox church, our kids all loooooved it. (We have a charismatic Protestant background similar to yours.) Sure there was some wide-eyed bewilderment at first, but relatively quickly, they saw/felt/understood/wanted the fullness of the faith that we find in the liturgy of the Orthodox Church (from what I understand, the Catholic church would provide a similar experience). Things like incense, bowing, crossing ourselves, kissing the icons, saying the prayers, etc., and the steadfastness of the services -- kids like and long for the expected. I thought the services would get boring after while (doing the same thing over and over), but it's more like spending time with an old friend. It doesn't get old and in fact feels like a warm blanket wrapped around my arms. I got up early this morning and went to Orthros (the morning prayer service that our priest does almost every day), and it really kindled a fire to just want to be there more in the mornings. We long for the true things of the faith, and kids can especially experience this too.

 

It might take time, but you might be surprised. I would say especially if (as you say), your husband would be interested, you should all go to the Catholic church sometimes.

Edited August 1, 2012 by milovaný

[ktgrok]

Thank you for the info. Honestly I don't even know how to be a Catholic at this point. I have been gone for 15 years. I became Protestant at age 22. I didn't really own my Catholic faith when I was younger. I feel like I'm starting from scratch.

 

I saw the book Catholicism for Dummies at the bookstore in the church. I did buy the book, Returning Home to Your Catholic Faith. It was very gentle and encouraging but didn't have anything about the nuts and bolts of returning. I guess I need something basic to build my own foundation before I can educate anyone else in my family.

 

When I went to confession I asked the priest how to return to the church and explained how I had been attending an AG church for 15 years. He was wonderful and just said to just try it out. Now I need help figuring out how to do it.

 

Honestly it is very tempting for me to just not rock the boat and go to the AG church. I HATE causing problems. It will be a problem for my husband's family. They won't understand.

 

I so appreciate everyone's suggestions!

 

God Bless,

Elise in NC

 

I'd HIGHLY advise doing an RCIA class. It would really help you learn/relearn your Catholic faith.

[ktgrok]

Oh, and as far as the Church is concerned, you aren't "rejoining". In their eyes you never left. Once a Catholic, always a Catholic. (which is why when someone asked me recently if I was Catholic my answer was "it's complicated.) If you have gone to confession you should be free and clear to receive the Eucharist, assuming that you did your fist communion as a child.

[Alenee]

Personally, I wouldn't try "combining" anything. Not to say I would be forcing a conversion on your children....but I would share your journey with them, talk to them about what you are going through and reading, and place the emphasis on *finding the truth, whatever it is*. To me, the real question would be, "Does the truth matter? If it doesn't, then who cares where or if we go to church? If it does, then aren't we obligated to find out what the truth is and order ourselves accordingly?"

 

Again, to me, the issue isn't on whether this place has a better youth group or that place has a nicer/prettier/more fun service. The question is, where is the truth? Are the beliefs the same or different? What things matter and what things don't?

 

I personally think that we send a bad message to our children when we shop denominations based on things like activities or aesthetics. Truth first, everything else second.

 

Figure out what you think is true. Share that journey with your whole family. Pray A LOT. Then pray some more. Let your children know that you are only looking for the truth and that they are *encouraged* to question everything. You can look for the answers together. They will respect your dedication to truth and that alone can reap huge benefits for your family life and their own ethic as adults. :grouphug:

 

This, exactly.

 

When I began looking into Orthodoxy, I couldn't NOT share with my kids. They needed to see/hear what I was learning and feeling. They weren't thrilled to stop going to our old church but it actually didn't take long at all for them to see that we were entering into the fullness of our faith. All three just went to our old church with friends while dh and I were out of town. We talked about their thoughts on the service at dinner two nights ago and found out that they are quite happy and content to be entering the Orthodox Church. They don't miss our old church at all.

[imagine.more]

We're in this situation but even more extreme :)

 

My DH is an ELCA Lutheran pastor and I am a Roman Catholic by choice, active since my teens though my family never has been.

 

Basically here's how we do it. On Saturday evenings I attend the vigil Mass, half by myself and half with DH (he preaches every other Saturday at his church). On Sundays generally I attend his church with the kids and just sneak out before communion. Recently I haven't been attending but that's a car issue, since he has the car and is at his church from 7am-1pm we can't exactly share a ride or the kids and I'd be trapped there all morning. But as soon as we get a second car again we'll go back to the Sat/Sun arrangement. At other times I've attended the 5pm Mass at the Cathedral, but that tends to make for a tiring day for me while pregnant. It's an option though. I used to be very lax about attending but eventually put my foot down and told DH I didn't mind if sometimes he couldn't make it but I needed to attend Mass every single week, it was a holy obligation and I felt so much better when I did.

 

We teach the kids about both faiths and really emphasize the stuff that is common to both. You can get a fair way before even having to address the differences. They aren't old enough to attend Sunday School at either church but when they are old enough we'll likely have them do Sunday School at DH's church because otherwise his congregation might revolt :lol: and then they'll do Catholic catechism through homestudy with me, I can get the priest's permission for this. They will take all the Catholic sacraments, not the Lutheran ones since taking Lutheran ones would leave them effectively cut off from the Catholic Church but Lutherans accept Catholic sacraments. My in-laws won't like this, DH's church likely won't even notice except the other pastor and he doesn't care since he's practically Catholic too so we'll deal with whatever fall-out there is from the family. Oh, and our 2 boys were baptized Lutheran but this next baby will be baptized by DH and the priest, we're making an appointment this week actually to discuss logistics. We didn't know that was an option before, and knew the Catholic Church recognized any Christian baptisms, but apparently it's no big deal to explain the situation to the priest and he can work with the other pastor. Of course if your DH's church doesn't do infant baptisms that's a whole other can of worms :) DH makes friends pretty quickly with our local priests and met my bishop before I did, lol! So far we have never had a priest be anything but supportive and encouraging, if a bit bewildered at first :)

 

Our kids are doing a Catholic religion curriculum from Catholic Heritage Curriculum. I looked it over and DH glanced at it and we're both totally comfortable with it.

 

We do rosary weekly with friends, my DH used to not go but recently decided he would join us and has been saying rosary with us once a week.

 

Our kids know we go to the Lutheran Church and the Catholic Church and both worship God. They know we celebrate communion and get a blessing at the Catholic church. They know mommy goes to confession sometimes but haven't asked yet why dad doesn't. If they ask me why we aren't just Lutheran I'll tell them that I am Catholic because it's true, it's as simple as that. I would love to be Lutheran, but I can't because I just see no evidence that it's true.

 

So yes it is complicated, and yes it's caused a fair number of arguments, but we are muddling through and making it work. In the end my guess is that DH will convert honestly, but I never thought that would happen when we got married so I was in it for the long haul. If he converts in the next few years then that'll just make it all that much easier. I think you have to go into it not expecting your spouse to convert but don't shut them out either. DH and I talk theology a lot! We do it around the kids too, and I think it's through these conversations that DH has done more reading and praying on the matter and that's what started him considering the Catholic Church.

 

Ooh, and I highly recommend Catholicism for Dummies, it sounds silly but is a good resource really. My old priest had one on his bookshelf at home and we chatted about it, lol! I also recommend The Lamb's Supper by Scott Hahn, I read it and LOVED it and DH is now reading it too.

[TammyS]

 

We do rosary weekly with friends, my DH used to not go but recently decided he would join us and has been saying rosary with us once a week.

 

<snip>

 

I also recommend The Lamb's Supper by Scott Hahn, I read it and LOVED it and DH is now reading it too.

 

OMG. Your dh will be Catholic in no time. Get him "There We Stood, Here We Stand" (about conversions by Lutheran Pastors). Also, hook him up with The Coming Home Network. They help protestant ministers navigate the practical and spiritual difficulties of conversion (like, they won't be priests, and how will they now support their families financially, etc).

[speedmom4]

I'd HIGHLY advise doing an RCIA class. It would really help you learn/relearn your Catholic faith.

 

I had not even thought of this! Thank you! I just looked on the church's website and they are having an RCIA information meeting next month. Even though I have gone through religious education and was confirmed Catholic as a child/teen I should be able to attend, right?

 

Thanks,

Elise in NC

[BigMamaBird]

Could you attend both churches? Go to the AG church on Sunday morning so the kids can experience Sunday School and you can worship with your extended family then attend Mass on Saturday morning or Sunday night That way you and your dh can be Catholic and your kids can experience both. That's assuming one doesn't "preach" against the other.

[speedmom4]

We're in this situation but even more extreme :)

 

My DH is an ELCA Lutheran pastor and I am a Roman Catholic by choice, active since my teens though my family never has been.

 

Basically here's how we do it. On Saturday evenings I attend the vigil Mass, half by myself and half with DH (he preaches every other Saturday at his church). On Sundays generally I attend his church with the kids and just sneak out before communion. Recently I haven't been attending but that's a car issue, since he has the car and is at his church from 7am-1pm we can't exactly share a ride or the kids and I'd be trapped there all morning. But as soon as we get a second car again we'll go back to the Sat/Sun arrangement. At other times I've attended the 5pm Mass at the Cathedral, but that tends to make for a tiring day for me while pregnant. It's an option though. I used to be very lax about attending but eventually put my foot down and told DH I didn't mind if sometimes he couldn't make it but I needed to attend Mass every single week, it was a holy obligation and I felt so much better when I did.

 

We teach the kids about both faiths and really emphasize the stuff that is common to both. You can get a fair way before even having to address the differences. They aren't old enough to attend Sunday School at either church but when they are old enough we'll likely have them do Sunday School at DH's church because otherwise his congregation might revolt :lol: and then they'll do Catholic catechism through homestudy with me, I can get the priest's permission for this. They will take all the Catholic sacraments, not the Lutheran ones since taking Lutheran ones would leave them effectively cut off from the Catholic Church but Lutherans accept Catholic sacraments. My in-laws won't like this, DH's church likely won't even notice except the other pastor and he doesn't care since he's practically Catholic too so we'll deal with whatever fall-out there is from the family. Oh, and our 2 boys were baptized Lutheran but this next baby will be baptized by DH and the priest, we're making an appointment this week actually to discuss logistics. We didn't know that was an option before, and knew the Catholic Church recognized any Christian baptisms, but apparently it's no big deal to explain the situation to the priest and he can work with the other pastor. Of course if your DH's church doesn't do infant baptisms that's a whole other can of worms :) DH makes friends pretty quickly with our local priests and met my bishop before I did, lol! So far we have never had a priest be anything but supportive and encouraging, if a bit bewildered at first :)

 

Our kids are doing a Catholic religion curriculum from Catholic Heritage Curriculum. I looked it over and DH glanced at it and we're both totally comfortable with it.

 

We do rosary weekly with friends, my DH used to not go but recently decided he would join us and has been saying rosary with us once a week.

 

Our kids know we go to the Lutheran Church and the Catholic Church and both worship God. They know we celebrate communion and get a blessing at the Catholic church. They know mommy goes to confession sometimes but haven't asked yet why dad doesn't. If they ask me why we aren't just Lutheran I'll tell them that I am Catholic because it's true, it's as simple as that. I would love to be Lutheran, but I can't because I just see no evidence that it's true.

 

So yes it is complicated, and yes it's caused a fair number of arguments, but we are muddling through and making it work. In the end my guess is that DH will convert honestly, but I never thought that would happen when we got married so I was in it for the long haul. If he converts in the next few years then that'll just make it all that much easier. I think you have to go into it not expecting your spouse to convert but don't shut them out either. DH and I talk theology a lot! We do it around the kids too, and I think it's through these conversations that DH has done more reading and praying on the matter and that's what started him considering the Catholic Church.

 

Ooh, and I highly recommend Catholicism for Dummies, it sounds silly but is a good resource really. My old priest had one on his bookshelf at home and we chatted about it, lol! I also recommend The Lamb's Supper by Scott Hahn, I read it and LOVED it and DH is now reading it too.

 

Wow, you weren't kidding about your situation being more extreme! Thanks for taking the time to post a reply.

 

It is very comforting knowing that others out there are trying to muddle through different faiths/denominations within the same family.

 

God Bless,

Elise in NC

[speedmom4]

I would attend with my family and other services at the Catholic Church as well. The difficult part is that while you are happy with the family at the AG will the AG community accept your going to the Catholic Church?

 

This is what I'm afraid of. Many of my friends won't understand. I am involved with children's ministry right now at our AG church and at some point they will probably no longer want me there.

 

I talked to dh and my plan right now is to attend mass, read, pray, and learn about Catholicism again for a year. I will also continue at the AG church on Sunday's with my family. At that point I hope I can make a decision about what I need to do. I don't want to "upset the cart" until I have taken time to seek and pray about our situation.

 

Thanks,

Elise in NC

[Ellie]

This is what I'm afraid of. Many of my friends won't understand. I am involved with children's ministry right now at our AG church and at some point they will probably no longer want me there.

 

I talked to dh and my plan right now is to attend mass, read, pray, and learn about Catholicism again for a year. I will also continue at the AG church on Sunday's with my family. At that point I hope I can make a decision about what I need to do. I don't want to "upset the cart" until I have taken time to seek and pray about our situation.

 

Thanks,

Elise in NC

I was the Missionettes (aka Girls' Ministries) coordinator and Stars sponsor at my church. I also did the church bulletin. Mr. Ellie is a deacon. So, yes, I understand exactly what you're saying.

 

I finally had to come out and tell the pastor. He was like :blink:. He had no clue. No one else was expecting anything. They were all :blink:.

 

But I had to do it because of *me*. I could no longer teach what I no longer believed, KWIM?

 

On the up side, AG folks tend not to be as rabidly opposed to the Catholic Church as some churches are.

[happi duck]

When I felt led back to my childhood tradition dh and the kids joined me and it is also great for them! Maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised.

 

Sorry if this is a dumb question...

isn't this a question of combining different traditions...aren't Catholic and AG both the Christian faith?

[ktgrok]

I had not even thought of this! Thank you! I just looked on the church's website and they are having an RCIA information meeting next month. Even though I have gone through religious education and was confirmed Catholic as a child/teen I should be able to attend, right?

 

Thanks,

Elise in NC

 

Oh yes. When I went through RCIA new converts were actually the minority. There were quite a few people that were rediscovering their faith.

[ktgrok]

OMG. Your dh will be Catholic in no time. Get him "There We Stood, Here We Stand" (about conversions by Lutheran Pastors). Also, hook him up with The Coming Home Network. They help protestant ministers navigate the practical and spiritual difficulties of conversion (like, they won't be priests, and how will they now support their families financially, etc).

 

Not so fast....there are many that enjoy the Rosary that have strong reasons for not joining the Roman Catholic Church. Just wanted to put that out there.

[TammyS]

there are many that enjoy the Rosary

 

The idea of "enjoying" a rosary is really a thing that highlights the difference in how Catholics and protestants view things. I don't know that it would occur to myself or my friends to consider "enjoying" a rosary (or any other way in which we worship or pray). We don't consider it to be for our "enjoyment".

 

But I did not say what I did *just* because her dh is praying a rosary, though it will have an effect, if he's open to it. :) But he's also reading things and doing things.

[imagine.more]

OMG. Your dh will be Catholic in no time. Get him "There We Stood, Here We Stand" (about conversions by Lutheran Pastors). Also, hook him up with The Coming Home Network. They help protestant ministers navigate the practical and spiritual difficulties of conversion (like, they won't be priests, and how will they now support their families financially, etc).

 

lol, he'll be a long time in coming into the Church I think, he takes his time with things :) He actually shocked me over a year ago by telling me he was 'looking into the Church'. Unfortunately "There We Stood, Here We Stand" is mostly pastors from a very different Lutheran denomination than his so he doesn't understand their original viewpoint anyway. There are vast differences between a Missouri Synod, Wisconsin Synod, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, or North American Lutheran Church, and tons of other little denominations. And none of them talk to each other or agree on anything :001_huh: oy! It's a funny Lutheran world, but they make some darn good cookies and casseroles ;)

 

And technically praying the rosary isn't a problem for ELCA Lutherans. It was Luther's writings that helped make DH realize his trepidation about the Hail Mary was really just a cultural thing, not a theological issue. He's kept a rosary in his office for his entire time as a pastor, no idea why.

 

The Coming Home Network is great, we've both been on it for about a year and a half but it's still a very difficult transition for someone with a family to support. And he loves ministry, he really truly feels called to administer the sacraments. Giving that up would be probably the hardest thing he would ever do in his life.

[imagine.more]

This is what I'm afraid of. Many of my friends won't understand. I am involved with children's ministry right now at our AG church and at some point they will probably no longer want me there.

 

I talked to dh and my plan right now is to attend mass, read, pray, and learn about Catholicism again for a year. I will also continue at the AG church on Sunday's with my family. At that point I hope I can make a decision about what I need to do. I don't want to "upset the cart" until I have taken time to seek and pray about our situation.

 

Thanks,

Elise in NC

 

I think this is a good plan, that's how I went about coming back fully into my faith life after testing out the Lutheran waters. Gradually is best for you and for your family, especially the kids so they have time to adjust. And just be sure to talk with your DH and with the kids just casually about what you're reading and learning and such.

 

I hope your husband's church will be accepting of you being around, I find that most churches really are happy to have 'visitors' from other faith backgrounds around. But eventually you might need to back off of the children's ministry if you feel it conflicts. I turn down all requests to teach Sunday School, help with youth groups, etc at my DH's church. They don't mind that I'm Catholic but I feel like it could get awkward and I'm not willing to hide my beliefs, I'm very open about them, and I wouldn't want another parent to (understandably) get upset that I mentioned Catholic stuff at their Protestant Sunday School class.

 

But for now I bet just quietly exploring and learning on your own will be good, and maybe attending RCIA if you want. And maybe gradually let your close friends in on how you're thinking so that they aren't shocked by the change. I think it's always best when someone comes into the church fully, or converts, or whatever, and all their friends/family say "well, duh! finally!" because they saw it coming :) Then they've had time to get used to the idea before anything 'official'.

[AimeeM]

OMG. Your dh will be Catholic in no time. Get him "There We Stood, Here We Stand" (about conversions by Lutheran Pastors). Also, hook him up with The Coming Home Network. They help protestant ministers navigate the practical and spiritual difficulties of conversion (like, they won't be priests, and how will they now support their families financially, etc).

Lol. This comment reminded me of the priest at the parish we are moving to - he attended Bob Jones University as a young man (we are in the upstate of SC where BJU is located), eventually moved on to become an Anglican priest, and is now a very traditional Roman Catholic priest!

[TammyS]

lol, he'll be a long time in coming into the Church I think, he takes his time with things

 

<snip>

 

it's still a very difficult transition for someone with a family to support. And he loves ministry, he really truly feels called to administer the sacraments. Giving that up would be probably the hardest thing he would ever do in his life.

 

Nothing wrong with him taking his time. Better to have a true conversion based on conviction and faith than an "emotional" conversion that leaves him feeling empty months later when the high emotional state wears off. A willingness to find the truth trumps everything.

 

And it IS a massively difficult transition. It's not like just getting another job. Financially, there is no other job in ministry (not without a whole set of degree issues) that will support a family. And it's such a huge part of his identity. That he's even willing to look speaks a lot to his character. :grouphug:

[ktgrok]

The idea of "enjoying" a rosary is really a thing that highlights the difference in how Catholics and protestants view things. I don't know that it would occur to myself or my friends to consider "enjoying" a rosary (or any other way in which we worship or pray). We don't consider it to be for our "enjoyment".

 

But I did not say what I did *just* because her dh is praying a rosary, though it will have an effect, if he's open to it. :) But he's also reading things and doing things.

 

Perhaps a poor choice of words. But my background includes converting to the Roman Catholic Church, so I don't know that my view is a protestant one.

[ktgrok]

And technically praying the rosary isn't a problem for ELCA Lutherans. It was Luther's writings that helped make DH realize his trepidation about the Hail Mary was really just a cultural thing, not a theological issue. He's kept a rosary in his office for his entire time as a pastor, no idea why.

 

The Coming Home Network is great, we've both been on it for about a year and a half but it's still a very difficult transition for someone with a family to support. And he loves ministry, he really truly feels called to administer the sacraments. Giving that up would be probably the hardest thing he would ever do in his life.

 

Yes, that is what I meant...that people other than Catholics pray the Rosary, and there is no spiritual reason that it would be against their faith.

 

As for giving up the sacraments...it IS possible to convert, and continue in the Priesthood. There are a number of married priests, with family, in the R.C Church that converted.

[TammyS]

it IS possible to convert, and continue in the Priesthood. There are a number of married priests, with family, in the R.C Church that converted.

 

I don't think so, for a Lutheran minister. I think that is only for Orthodox and Anglican priests. But I might be wrong. Hm. Wonder where I would find out?

[Avila]

At this time, the pastoral provision is only an option for EO and Anglicans. There are many other ways to serve, including the permanent diaconate. But not as Catholic priests.

 

The pastoral provision is headed by my current bishop and administered through my diocese here in FW.

 

Eta: There does seem to be a possibility for Lutherans, but not formally through the pastoral provision. And many will not qualify. But check out the link, if you are interested.

 

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/standingonmyhead/2012/04/could-i-be-a-married-catholic-priest.html

 

One issue that they seem to have is that you usually cannot go *directly* from one into the other. It takes time, and these men have to support themselves and their families while going through the process. The Coming Home Network is set up to help people with this transition.

 

 

Yes, that is what I meant...that people other than Catholics pray the Rosary, and there is no spiritual reason that it would be against their faith.

 

As for giving up the sacraments...it IS possible to convert, and continue in the Priesthood. There are a number of married priests, with family, in the R.C Church that converted.

Edited August 1, 2012 by Asenik

[ktgrok]

At this time, the pastoral provision is only an option for EO and Anglicans. There are many other ways to serve, including the permanent diaconate. But not as Catholic priests.

 

The pastoral provision is headed by my current bishop and administered through my diocese here in FW.

 

Eta: There does seem to be a possibility for Lutherans, but not formally through the pastoral provision. And many will not qualify. But check out the link, if you are interested.

 

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/standingonmyhead/2012/04/could-i-be-a-married-catholic-priest.html

 

One issue that they seem to have is that you usually cannot go *directly* from one into the other. It takes time, and these men have to support themselves and their families while going through the process. The Coming Home Network is set up to help people with this transition.

 

 

ah, sorry. I grew up in the Anglican/Episcopal Tradition, so that is what I knew of. Sorry. but it seems from the link that Lutheran Pastors may be able to as well.

Edited August 1, 2012 by ktgrok

[Chris in VA]

lol, he'll be a long time in coming into the Church I think, he takes his time with things :) He actually shocked me over a year ago by telling me he was 'looking into the Church'. Unfortunately "There We Stood, Here We Stand" is mostly pastors from a very different Lutheran denomination than his so he doesn't understand their original viewpoint anyway. There are vast differences between a Missouri Synod, Wisconsin Synod, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, or North American Lutheran Church, and tons of other little denominations. And none of them talk to each other or agree on anything :001_huh: oy! It's a funny Lutheran world, but they make some darn good cookies and casseroles ;)

 

And technically praying the rosary isn't a problem for ELCA Lutherans. It was Luther's writings that helped make DH realize his trepidation about the Hail Mary was really just a cultural thing, not a theological issue. He's kept a rosary in his office for his entire time as a pastor, no idea why.

 

The Coming Home Network is great, we've both been on it for about a year and a half but it's still a very difficult transition for someone with a family to support. And he loves ministry, he really truly feels called to administer the sacraments. Giving that up would be probably the hardest thing he would ever do in his life.

 

If he became Episcopalian, he could become a priest in that denomination, then leave and become a Catholic priest. You could stay married, he could administer the sacraments, and it'd all be hunky-dory.

 

Just sayin'...:D

 

Seriously, hope you find what works for you.

 

I believe Catholics have a little sumthin sumthin in their official beliefs that leaves salvation a bit open--you can be a non-Catholic and still be saved. Since that would be the main thing I'd worry about, I think I'd just live with the different way of looking at Christianity. I believe both AG and Catholic are Christian faiths. Seek what you have in common--Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, the Trinity, the need for Jesus, holidays, etc. Go to Church on Saturday and receive the sacraments. Wait for God to do any heart-changing.

[imagine.more]

If he became Episcopalian, he could become a priest in that denomination, then leave and become a Catholic priest. You could stay married, he could administer the sacraments, and it'd all be hunky-dory.

 

Just sayin'...:D

 

Seriously, hope you find what works for you.

 

I believe Catholics have a little sumthin sumthin in their official beliefs that leaves salvation a bit open--you can be a non-Catholic and still be saved. Since that would be the main thing I'd worry about, I think I'd just live with the different way of looking at Christianity. I believe both AG and Catholic are Christian faiths. Seek what you have in common--Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, the Trinity, the need for Jesus, holidays, etc. Go to Church on Saturday and receive the sacraments. Wait for God to do any heart-changing.

 

:lol: Yeah, don't think it didn't cross my mind, haha! But yeah, for the PP who was mentioning him becoming a priest Asenik is right, there's a possibility but it's all on an individual basis and might be unlikely because of our ages, they like you to be done raising kids and of course while remaining open to life we can't guarantee that until I hit menopause...in like 20 years, lol! Even if he got permission and was encouraged in the process there would be a gap of a few years at a minimum. So he could never enter the process unless he was okay with the possibility of never working as a pastor again just in case it never happened.

 

ktgrok, yes you're absolutely right that someone can pray the rosary and not even be considering conversion to Catholicism. I'd imagine it's not uncommon among people in the traditional, liturgical denominations.

 

So yeah, back to the real topic at hand, I don't want to detract from the OP's original question, lol!