Am I being overprotective, or am I right?

[crazyforlatin]

I feel strongly about issues like this, which meant I took pre-emptive action before having any children. I donated DH's tv. :D.

[BakersDozen]

I feel strongly about issues like this, which meant I took pre-emptive action before having any children. I donated DH's tv. :D.

LOL! Goodwill got an entire box of my dh's tapes/CDs (good grief, the guy listened to some dreadful stuff!). Just one of those things that happened to get packed up while decluttering the apartment one day... ;)

[Galatea]

And yet for me I will not let the fact that my dc are my dh's dc as well when it comes to protecting my dc. In other words, if my dh is going to do something that I believe may harm my dc I will step in and prevent it. That was one of the serious talks my dh and I had before our first was born. His reaction I can deal with yet I couldn't deal well with seeing my dc frightened by something they did not need to see at the tender age of 2yo (or any age, for that matter).

 

It seems to me that the dh in this situation is being very self-centered and thinking more about his own needs than his dd's. Why not err on the side of caution and find something else that will be bonding time with the dd?

 

FWIW, The Lion King won't be shown in my house for any age. ;)

 

I don't think wanting to watch a movie with his own child is a man "thinking more about his own needs than his dd's". A children's movie is not going to scar a child for life, even with a few scary scenes. Now, if he was sitting and watching Friday the 13th with her, you might have a point. But though the Lion King might have some scary moments, they are not going to permanently damage a child.

[IsabelC]

Obviously you have to balance your stance on what's good for your 2yo with her father's opinion. I wouldn't try to stop my husband doing anything with the kids unless I had very strong feelings against it, which means that they don't do 100% what I would like, but that's how it goes because he's their parent too.

 

In our household, the kids don't get regular TV/movies until after the age of 7. The only screen time my 4yo gets is a short math tutorial every few days and occasionally a look at pictures of something we're all looking up together online (eg what species is this centipede we found? what does the Forbidden City look like?). However that's not really about movie content; it's more about postponing getting them into screen based entertainment for a few years. None of my kids have ever got upset about supposedly 'scary' parts of books, so I'm not too worried on that front.

 

JOI, what do people find inappropriate/objectionable about Lion King? It is trite, but the sound track is nice and I don't remember anything I'd not want my kids to see.

Edited August 1, 2012 by Hotdrink

[TravelingChris]

My kids loved watching movies at 2. Did they pay attentiion through it all? Maybe not, but they particularly liked the shows with music- like Beauty and the Beast, Veggie Tales, watching the Lamb Chops show, some Sesame street - again mostly the music, etc.

 

I know they were paying attention definitely by three.

[jackson'smama]

my dd will be 2 in september and as of now, there's no way she'd even sit still for a movie. she couldn't even sit and watch a 30 minute children's program if i WANTED her to! my older sons would have been the same way.

true "movies" weren't really enjoyed here until at least around the age of 5.

[kiwimummy]

I'm surprised how many think it would go over a 2yr old's head, or they wouldn't be paying attention or "get it". My 2yr old would easily sit through the whole movie, completely attentive and engaged and would be guaranteed to be extremely frightened at all the scary parts. My 5yr old would be too, and ask questions for days about why things happened etc.

 

So, I am not of the opinion that it doesn't really affect them. Maybe not scar for life, but certainly significant enough to really bother some kids.

 

There's no way my 2yr old, or my 5yr old would be watching this. Luckily my husband would agree, so no issue there!

[Lisbeth]

I agree with you that a 2 y/o should not watch the Lion King. But not for reasons of content. I do not think that 2 y/o should watch any movies or TV.

I do not think they are even capable of following the storyline and getting it all - not for a full length film, and I do not think they should be made to sit still for such a long time. And I would not want to start a TV watching habit in such a young child.

 

We have the same philisophy about screen time. I din't think tv is good at that age and strongly disagree with the idea of educational tv for small children.

[ktgrok]

:iagree: I find it a bit disturbing to hear mom say she 'won't let' her husband make his own choices regarding the kids. They're his kids, too.

 

It's not that I would say no and he would do what I say because Im the boss. It is that I would explain why it would be too scary and he would appreciate my concern and listen to that and then not show it. i was debating how much of my concern I should express.

[ktgrok]

I didn't have to express more concern really. he saw the scary scenes and realized she would be terrified, so he won't show her it. (we are remodeling so we only have one working room, she can't "wander away" during a movie, she'd be stuck in the same room)

[kewb]

I am of the opinion that you are raining on his parade. If it were me, I would apologize, explain the parts you think are scary, tell him you think it would be a good idea to skip through those parts and that he will be dealing with the consequences (her screaming, not you disciplining him :tongue_smilie:) if he chooses to ignore that warning. Then offer to make them a bag of popcorn or something.

 

ETA: I'd also like to say that I'm of the opinion that dads need to figure some things out on there own without Mommy coming in to say, "This is right. That is wrong" all the time. So yeah, if my husband were that excited over something, I'd let him at least try it. He can figure it out then that she won't sit for long and a warning about the scary parts should suffice, I would think

 

:iagree: And believe me, I rained on dh's parade plenty when our kids were younger and we had many relationship damaging arguements over things like this. It took me a long time to let go and let dh forge his relationships with his children. To be honest-I still struggle with it and still rain on his parade on occasion but I am better about it.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I was going to say that you're nuts for having a problem with The Lion King, however, my kids don't have nightmares. Below will confirm that *I'm* nut, and not you! LOL.

 

When dd was 2 she had a daily fit about going to a friend's house to see "the man." She loved whatever this was, and friend and I finally figured it out.

 

His computer had the Freddy Kruger desktop, so everytime his clicked an icon or anything, there would be a line from the movie. We decided to go to his house and put on the movie. The goal was just to get rid of her "the man" obsession. It completely backfired and the only movie she watched for a year was Freddy Kruger!

 

She was my scary movie queen until she hit about 6. Then she started choosing more Disney type movies.

[Alicia64]

I have "trained" dh and myself to always check out CommonSenseMedia.org's site on a movie and often books before going forward.

 

I would simply say to my dh if he insisted on movies, "What's the rush?"

 

I wouldn't let this one go. I personally think media is very powerful and can be damaging for kids.

 

Alley

[whitestavern]

I agree with you that a 2 y/o should not watch the Lion King. But not for reasons of content. I do not think that 2 y/o should watch any movies or TV.

I do not think they are even capable of following the storyline and getting it all - not for a full length film, and I do not think they should be made to sit still for such a long time. And I would not want to start a TV watching habit in such a young child.

 

:iagree:

[ailysh]

My two-year old will watch a movie now and then. I'd say she watches about an hour of television throughout the day, Monday through Friday. I don't think it interferes with her "academics", since she is already reading! I'm new here, by the way, so I'm not trying to incite anything, but we try to adopt a moderate approach to parenting. It's much more doable that way. Sorry, it may be off topic.

I would let her start watching and skip the scary parts. That's what we did with Beauty and the Beast when we first showed it to our daughter. I'd keep a close eye on her during the scarier parts of the movie and if she started to show signs of anxiety, I would skip it. Now that she knows how it ends and has seen it several times, she watches the scary parts without a problem. She is not very sensitive though.

[NotSoObvious]

Oooooh! This post was going around FB today. Maybe food for thought for your hubby!

 

http://www.thetwincoach.com/2012/07/movies-violence-and-parents_29.html

[Parrothead]

I am of the opinion that you are raining on his parade. If it were me, I would apologize, explain the parts you think are scary, tell him you think it would be a good idea to skip through those parts and that he will be dealing with the consequences (her screaming, not you disciplining him :tongue_smilie:) if he chooses to ignore that warning. Then offer to make them a bag of popcorn or something.

 

ETA: I'd also like to say that I'm of the opinion that dads need to figure some things out on there own without Mommy coming in to say, "This is right. That is wrong" all the time. So yeah, if my husband were that excited over something, I'd let him at least try it. He can figure it out then that she won't sit for long and a warning about the scary parts should suffice, I would think

:iagree: Dad's are parents too.

[meggie]

I didn't have to express more concern really. he saw the scary scenes and realized she would be terrified, so he won't show her it. (we are remodeling so we only have one working room, she can't "wander away" during a movie, she'd be stuck in the same room)

 

Then why exactly did you ask if you were being overprotective or raining on his parade? If you want everyone to agree with you, you can say that you want everyone to agree with you (JAWM) and we will :001_smile:

[goldberry]

My normal reaction would be protection, as yours is.

 

HOWEVER...in my family my Dad was totally alienated from my brother. One of the key reasons was my mom cutting off every interaction he had with my brother in her mothering efforts. She did this with all good intentions. And yes, he should have been better at listening to her and understanding her concerns.

 

But what really happened instead of that was that he gave up. He eventually quit trying. I'm not saying that was the right response, but it can be one that happens.

 

So my advice is unless it's something flat out dangerous or clearly harmful (and I mean CLEARLY) try very hard to allow some leeway. The relationship is the most important thing.

[ktgrok]

Then why exactly did you ask if you were being overprotective or raining on his parade? If you want everyone to agree with you, you can say that you want everyone to agree with you (JAWM) and we will :001_smile:

 

I posted before we started watching the movie. I hadn't seen it since it came out, and thought maybe I was remembering it worse than it was. Then DH decided to put it on, and we both realized, as we watched, that it was actually scarier than we remembered.

 

When I posted I wanted input from people who had seen it recently. It wasn't until I saw it myself that I realized I no longer was confused, and honestly neither was DH. If DD wasn't so sensitive it wouldn't be something I would have even worried about. But she is. (So was my son...he cried during Rudolph at this age! The Abominable Snowman was too scary for him. And man, did that make going in stores at Christmas time interesting...it seemed that year there were Rudolph posters and Abominable Snowmen toys everyhwere. Nothing like a kid crying at the christmas decorations!)

 

But thanks for the input. Maybe this next kid will be like some of the other poster's kid and won't be so sensitive. I can hope!

 

(and Dh and I never argued about this, it wasn't damaging to our relationship, etc. He trusts my judgement in these things, and after watching it is in agreement.)

[Parrothead]

I feel strongly about issues like this, which meant I took pre-emptive action before having any children. I donated DH's tv. :D.

 

LOL! Goodwill got an entire box of my dh's tapes/CDs (good grief, the guy listened to some dreadful stuff!). Just one of those things that happened to get packed up while decluttering the apartment one day... ;)

How totally rude and disrespectful.

[ktgrok]

My normal reaction would be protection, as yours is.

 

HOWEVER...in my family my Dad was totally alienated from my brother. One of the key reasons was my mom cutting off every interaction he had with my brother in her mothering efforts. She did this with all good intentions. And yes, he should have been better at listening to her and understanding her concerns.

 

But what really happened instead of that was that he gave up. He eventually quit trying. I'm not saying that was the right response, but it can be one that happens.

 

So my advice is unless it's something flat out dangerous or clearly harmful (and I mean CLEARLY) try very hard to allow some leeway. The relationship is the most important thing.

 

 

that is so sad! Luckily DH and dd have a great relationship. She is turning into quite the Daddy's girl actually. They have lots that they do that is just for them, so I wasn't worried about their relationship as much as DH's feelings. He was so happy about his new toy (blue ray player) that I hated to say anything at all to ruin it. But it all worked out. And I will look for some blue rays that they can watch together that are more appropriate for my sensitive girl.

[Parrothead]

I posted before we started watching the movie. I hadn't seen it since it came out, and thought maybe I was remembering it worse than it was. Then DH decided to put it on, and we both realized, as we watched, that it was actually scarier than we remembered.

 

When I posted I wanted input from people who had seen it recently. It wasn't until I saw it myself that I realized I no longer was confused, and honestly neither was DH. If DD wasn't so sensitive it wouldn't be something I would have even worried about. But she is. (So was my son...he cried during Rudolph at this age! The Abominable Snowman was too scary for him. And man, did that make going in stores at Christmas time interesting...it seemed that year there were Rudolph posters and Abominable Snowmen toys everyhwere. Nothing like a kid crying at the christmas decorations!)

 

But thanks for the input. Maybe this next kid will be like some of the other poster's kid and won't be so sensitive. I can hope!

 

(and Dh and I never argued about this, it wasn't damaging to our relationship, etc. He trusts my judgement in these things, and after watching it is in agreement.)

I'm glad it all worked out well for all involved. :grouphug:

[vonfirmath]

Deleted.

Question was solved.

Edited August 1, 2012 by vonfirmath

[Jenny in Florida]

How totally rude and disrespectful.

 

Agreed.

 

My husband has some CDs that we decided weren't things we wanted the kids to have access to unsupervised. So, he boxed them and put them in a closet.

 

I cannot imagine one partner in an adult relationship giving away the other partner's belongings like that.

[BakersDozen]

How totally rude and disrespectful.

Lol, the tapes/CDs were in a box of high school junk my dh knew he wasn't keeping but never got around to getting rid of (he's like that...still has stuff from elementary school). It's not like I went through his car or dresser drawers and cleaned things out. ;) It didn't ruffle his feathers and he agreed the stuff he used to listen to was most definitely not something he wanted our dc to be exposed to. So it was all good.

 

I cannot imagine one partner in an adult relationship giving away the other partner's belongings like that.

*shrug* My dh wasn't bothered as he knew it should have gone long ago. I would throw something out if I thought it could harm our dc (p*rn, for example, or a gun - just my personal thing with having a gun in the house...not wanting to start a debate on this issue). If my dh really thought having such things in the house was OK even with our dc present then there would be an entire other issue than my disrespect/rudeness in getting rid of it. Thankfully, that hasn't happened...yet. ;)

[labst60]

I say let him watch with her - he'll see quick enough that she can't sit still for a whole 2 hour movie! :-)

 

At 2, she won't 'get' Mufasa's death. Heck, I don't even think she'll still be watching by that point!

 

 

That being said - my kids have a lot of screen time. Some of it is blatently educational. A lot is not. Right now, my almost 5 year old and my 1.5 year old are watching Calliou. The 1.5 year old regularly watches Mickey, Doc Mcstuffins and just recently got "into" Angellina Ballerina and Max and Ruby. She'll ask for a show by name and knows all of the characters names. I personally see nothing wrong with it - and it frees me up to help the older 2 girls. In our house, "sassy shows" (ie Jesse, Shake it Up, etc) are a NO. So my 7 year old watches Cake Boss and Storage Wars b/c she is pretty much past "baby shows" and there aren't a whole lot of other good options for her age!

 

 

[ktgrok]

I say let him watch with her - he'll see quick enough that she can't sit still for a whole 2 hour movie! :-)

 

At 2, she won't 'get' Mufasa's death. Heck, I don't even think she'll still be watching by that point!

 

 

That being said - my kids have a lot of screen time. Some of it is blatently educational. A lot is not. Right now, my almost 5 year old and my 1.5 year old are watching Calliou. The 1.5 year old regularly watches Mickey, Doc Mcstuffins and just recently got "into" Angellina Ballerina and Max and Ruby. She'll ask for a show by name and knows all of the characters names. I personally see nothing wrong with it - and it frees me up to help the older 2 girls. In our house, "sassy shows" (ie Jesse, Shake it Up, etc) are a NO. So my 7 year old watches Cake Boss and Storage Wars b/c she is pretty much past "baby shows" and there aren't a whole lot of other good options for her age!

 

 

 

Yeah, to be clear, I don't care if he watches a movie with her. And I don't care if she gets bored, that is fine, he can deal with that. We allow screen time (Caillou is a favorite right now). It was the poor lion cub screaming and crying that I felt would be scary, the hyenas dripping fangs as they growl and gang up on him, the violent fights that draw blood, (she is very aware of boo-boos), etc. That was the stuff I was worried about.

[crazyforlatin]

How totally rude and disrespectful.

 

Agreed.

 

 

I cannot imagine one partner in an adult relationship giving away the other partner's belongings like that.

 

Oh great, that's what happens to my reputation when I post late without full details. :tongue_smilie:

 

I donate/declutter all the time. If it's DH's belongings that I see are not being used or DD's toys/books, I ask. I don't force anyone into donating anything unless their heart is in it.