maddykate Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 My dh has fancy functions for his work that he must attend every quarter. We decided a while ago that he would take each of our daughters with him to one of these events, so that they can experience a night out with dad and see how to be treated like a special lady. Our dd10 has already gone on her date with dad, and tonight is dd12's turn. Here is my delimma: dd12 has chosen a beautiful, very becoming dress that she absolutely loves. The problem is that she has a gorgeous body and is extemely striking in this dress. It is very modest and isn't revealing at all, but it is a formal dress that shows off her body in a way that truly makes her seem much older than her 12 yo self. Our dd is very beautiful inside and out, and is very "innocent" in her thoughts. She isn't even allowed to wear makeup yet, but she is just so pretty. We have other dresses that look more age appropriate that she can wear, but she is broken hearted that she can't wear the one she loves. Should I let her wear the one she loves or make her wear something she isn't thrilled about? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K&Rs Mom Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 It is very modest and isn't revealing at all, but it is a formal dress that shows off her body in a way that truly makes her seem much older than her 12 yo self. Our dd is very beautiful inside and out, and is very "innocent" in her thoughts. This makes me say go ahead & let her wear it. If she was going with a group of teens, it would be different than going with dad - he's right there to look out for her and redirect any difficult conversation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I think that if you had objections to the dress you should have not bought it. Now that it is purchased I don't really see how to get out of letting her wear it. If not now, when? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddykate Posted July 27, 2012 Author Share Posted July 27, 2012 I think that if you had objections to the dress you should have not bought it. Now that it is purchased I don't really see how to get out of letting her wear it. If not now, when? Well, that is a story in and of itself. We bought the dress at a yard sale for $2.00 so that she could wear it "one day". I had no idea that day would be when she was 12. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 If the dress is modest and not "revealing" then I think she should wear it. It sounds like you are afraid that she will look too pretty. If she's not wearing makeup and not wearing revealing clothes, then she's appropriate and I can't think of any reason to try to make her look less lovely. Plus her Dad is with her so I am not thinking there are a lot of lurking dangers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I'd let her wear it as she's going to be with her Dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddykate Posted July 27, 2012 Author Share Posted July 27, 2012 If the dress is modest and not "revealing" then I think she should wear it. It sounds like you are afraid that she will look too pretty. If she's not wearing makeup and not wearing revealing clothes, then she's appropriate and I can't think of any reason to try to make her look less lovely. Plus her Dad is with her so I am not thinking there are a lot of lurking dangers. It is true that dad will be there to guide her. My dh is active duty military and there will be tons of single young men there who work for my dh. Certainly, no one would try to take advantage of the boss' daughter, but they quite likely would be ogling her. I just feel uncomfortable with that thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 This makes me say go ahead & let her wear it. If she was going with a group of teens, it would be different than going with dad - he's right there to look out for her and redirect any difficult conversation. I agree. If she's physically beautiful, she's going to be dealing with male attention, positive or negative, no matter what she's wearing. She's going to have to learn to deal with that attention with grace and maturity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddykate Posted July 27, 2012 Author Share Posted July 27, 2012 I agree. If she's physically beautiful, she's going to be dealing with male attention, positive or negative, no matter what she's wearing. She's going to have to learn to deal with that attention with grace and maturity. That is an excellent point and it actually put things in perspective for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 It is true that dad will be there to guide her. My dh is active duty military and there will be tons of single young men there who work for my dh. Certainly, no one would try to take advantage of the boss' daughter, but they quite likely would be ogling her. I just feel uncomfortable with that thought. If the dress really is modest, then there is nothing else you can do to prevent the other boys from ogling her. And there's no need for her to dress frumpy to try and distract from her beauty. I understand. It can be a balancing act, for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Let her wear it if she loves it. She will always remember what a special evening she had with her dad. I guarantee he will make it very clear that this is his 12 year old daughter. She will go through the evening oblivious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ByGrace3 Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Can she wear it with a sign that says, "Just remember, I am 12!"? :lol: J/K sorry, I couldn't help it! My niece is almost 12 and yeah pretty much would look gorgeous in a pillow case. It is a really hard line. I am all about keeping little girls little girls, but 12 year olds are not so little anymore. As long as it is modest, there is not much you can do about beautiful. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 If the dress is modest and not "revealing" then I think she should wear it. It sounds like you are afraid that she will look too pretty. If she's not wearing makeup and not wearing revealing clothes, then she's appropriate and I can't think of any reason to try to make her look less lovely. Plus her Dad is with her so I am not thinking there are a lot of lurking dangers. :iagree: And I think it sounds like it'll be a wonderful evening for her. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 This is where I have a problem defining modest. If it doesn't show skin but does show off curves, then is it modest? OTOH, do we have to make our kids wear sack dresses? It's hard. My dd has a nice figure and can look older, too--and a lot of her friends whose parents come from "modest religions" backrounds struggle with the same thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 It's modest. She's just beautiful. I'd let her wear it because she's going with her dad. The point is for her to have a cinderella moment, right? I've been struggling a lot with this idea myself though. I read something about it on the MMSL blog a few weeks ago - at the end of this long thread on child beauty pageants he said you should teach very pretty girls to be rude to men who hit on them as a defense mechanism... Here's the link, if you want to read it or start a spinoff thread: http://marriedmansexlife.com/2012/07/child-beauty-pageants-poise-or-posion/ I'm curious what everyone thinks about that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddykate Posted July 27, 2012 Author Share Posted July 27, 2012 This is where I have a problem defining modest. If it doesn't show skin but does show off curves, then is it modest? OTOH, do we have to make our kids wear sack dresses? It's hard. My dd has a nice figure and can look older, too--and a lot of her friends whose parents come from "modest religions" backrounds struggle with the same thing. Yes, I am having that same discussion within myself. The dress covers everything, it is floor length, not clingy, but still somehow manages to lay in just the right places to show off her curves. Yet, I still truly believe it qualifies as modest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 My 12yo has a fabulous figure, blonde hair, blue eyes. I understand- it is a very hard balance. She has worn many modestly-cut formal dresses, and has even added panels to those she felt weren't high enough in the neckline. But she does not look 12! Some ideas: you said she doesn't wear make-up? That's a good start! Mine does- but only barely-tinted shimmery lip gloss and brown mascara- her eyelashes are nearly white! shoes/hosiery. Older girls tend to not wear pantyhose. Would skin-toned hosiery "lower" the age of her look? Same with shoes- plain basic flats as opposed to heels or dressier evening shoes? hairstyle: she doesn't need braided pigtails :D but avoid an up-do. Accessories: think plainer- pretty, but young. And how to explain to her? That's a tough one here too. I know my girls' intent is never to attract guys- if they didn't want to look good for themselves they'd dress in rags to repel the idiot boys they know :glare: :D :lol: but we just talk about how a "WOWZA" dress might need to be toned down so other people who don't know her and love her like we do don't misread her. It must work- I have lovely girls that no young man has ever shown romantic interest in. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Yes, I am having that same discussion within myself. The dress covers everything, it is floor length, not clingy, but still somehow manages to lay in just the right places to show off her curves. Yet, I still truly believe it qualifies as modest. Based on that description, I would consider it modest, as well. There is an attitude of modesty (which it sounds like your daughter has :) ) as well as the actual physical part of it (which it sounds like the dress is). It isn't like the dress is tight - it just sounds as though it is really flattering. I do totally understand where you are coming from (though I won't have a daughter in those stages for several years!) just as a Christian parent who has also worked a lot with teenagers. I have to admit, I'm curious as to this gorgeous dress! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I didn't read the article linked, but I would never encourage my girls to be rude to a boy showing interest. The first response would be "No thanks" or something similar... after that, get away. No need to be rude. And a caution: I have girls of various body types. I don't want my voluptuous girl to think that is bad. Yes, she does have to be more careful of the types of clothing she wears, but it isn't bad. Same as how my thin,low-waisted small-busted girl has to be careful of 1-piece dresses- they often look like maternity clothing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 That is an excellent point and it actually put things in perspective for me. Glad to help! :001_smile: I'd love to see a picture of her all dressed up if you're comfortable sharing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddykate Posted July 27, 2012 Author Share Posted July 27, 2012 Glad to help! :001_smile: I'd love to see a picture of her all dressed up if you're comfortable sharing. I would love to post a picture, but I am so technically challenged that I don't know how.... Any ideas on how to do it? I am on an iPad, if that makes any difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I have no idea on the iPad, sorry! I don't own one. When I post online, I just use a service like Flickr or Photobucket. They can give you code to post it on a message board. I think this one takes HTML, but it's been a while since I've posted a pic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 You could make sure she's wearing *shoes* that are more age appropriate, like a ballet-slipper type, you know, instead of a high strappy sandal. There are lots of cute ballet-slipper types that are very dressy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMSews Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 As the mom of a curvy 12 yo dd :) I'd echo the advice to pick simple shoes and jewelry and hairstyle. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 My dh has fancy functions for his work that he must attend every quarter. We decided a while ago that he would take each of our daughters with him to one of these events, so that they can experience a night out with dad and see how to be treated like a special lady. Our dd10 has already gone on her date with dad, and tonight is dd12's turn. Here is my delimma: dd12 has chosen a beautiful, very becoming dress that she absolutely loves. The problem is that she has a gorgeous body and is extemely striking in this dress. It is very modest and isn't revealing at all, but it is a formal dress that shows off her body in a way that truly makes her seem much older than her 12 yo self. Our dd is very beautiful inside and out, and is very "innocent" in her thoughts. She isn't even allowed to wear makeup yet, but she is just so pretty. We have other dresses that look more age appropriate that she can wear, but she is broken hearted that she can't wear the one she loves. Should I let her wear the one she loves or make her wear something she isn't thrilled about? Let her wear it! You said it was modest, so it isn't as if she is looking like she belongs on a street corner. It draws more negative attention to her body to deny her this. My daughter has an unbelievable build, and it was hard at first, but I've let go on this, and she does tend to make pretty good decisions on clothing. Let her go enjoy her pretty dress and her evening! Dad will protect her. I've had to say things like, "She's TWELVE...move along" in the past. :tongue_smilie: My brother was very young when he had kids, and sometimes when he took his daughter out about this age, people would make comments about him being a cradle robber. He was maybe 32 when she was 12. He would correct them quickly! Don't be surprised if someone assumes something, but he can just correct it with humor! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I didn't read the article linked, but I would never encourage my girls to be rude to a boy showing interest. The first response would be "No thanks" or something similar... after that, get away. No need to be rude. ! Agree. Rudeness is never necessary, unless someone won't take no for an answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I agree with choosing accessories, hairstyle, etc. that don't make her look older too. I also think you should let her wear the dress (and $2.00 for a fabulous dress, wow!). If she is pretty and has a nice figure, most likely lots of things are going to flatter her, and she'll need to learn to deal with people admiring her. I think it is fortunate that she'll be going with her dad; that seems like the right way to start with learning to navigate boys who ogle her. Isn't that what we want for our children -- for them to have our guidance as they encounter tricky situations? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I agree. If she's physically beautiful, she's going to be dealing with male attention, positive or negative, no matter what she's wearing. She's going to have to learn to deal with that attention with grace and maturity. If the dress really is modest, then there is nothing else you can do to prevent the other boys from ogling her. And there's no need for her to dress frumpy to try and distract from her beauty. I understand. It can be a balancing act, for sure. :iagree: she shouldn't have to dress frumpy just because she's beautiful--that's really not fair. As long as the dress is modest, I don't see a problem, especially as she's going on a date with her father. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddykate Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 She went to the dinner with her dad and looked beautiful. She wore the dress, with her hair simply done, with little flat sandals and her shawl. She was adorable and my dh said she handled herself wonderfully the entire evening. Momma is proud. You all were so right. When we got her all ready, with her hair curled, but simple, and the understated accessories and shoes, it was perfect. Thank you all for your great words of wisdom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddykate Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 I agree with choosing accessories, hairstyle, etc. that don't make her look older too. I also think you should let her wear the dress (and $2.00 for a fabulous dress, wow!). If she is pretty and has a nice figure, most likely lots of things are going to flatter her, and she'll need to learn to deal with people admiring her. I think it is fortunate that she'll be going with her dad; that seems like the right way to start with learning to navigate boys who ogle her. Isn't that what we want for our children -- for them to have our guidance as they encounter tricky situations? Yes, exactly! Another wonderful way for her to be guided gently through this world. I am thankful that she had this experience. Oh, and yes, isn't that amazing about the dress find at a yard sale, of all places! I was sure that the dress was priced incorrectly, but no...just $2.00. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Yes, exactly! Another wonderful way for her to be guided gently through this world. I am thankful that she had this experience. Oh, and yes, isn't that amazing about the dress find at a yard sale, of all places! I was sure that the dress was priced incorrectly, but no...just $2.00. You need to quit mentioning the dress, I'm just dying to see it at this point! :lol: So glad she had a great night with her dad. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I'm so glad she had a lovely time and looked pretty! I have a 12yo that is looking pretty WOWZA (to use a term heard up thread). Thing is, she doesn't know it. She just want's fashion, and most fashion for teens is very tight and short and not so modest. She wants it because it's cool and hip and fashionable, but doesn't see what boys see. Tall, gorgeous, beautiful smile, curves, etc. :001_huh: 12 or 17? Can't always tell. So I try what was suggested too, keep the clothes as modest as possible, low heel shoes, no make-up. Would love to see a pic if you can figure it out. What a great deal! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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