Hoot Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 DH and I are SO not talkers. We could practically go through an entire week using only a handful of words. DS13, on the other hand, is a NON. STOP. TALKER. He literally talks from the time he gets up until he goes to sleep. It drives DH and I NUTS. It's not frantic or chattery, just constant talk... about something... all. day. long. The problem is not JUST the talking though, it's the need to constantly interrupt by injecting his comments into adult conversations, answering for either DH or myself when we're trying to talk and not understanding the concept of PLEASE DON'T TALK AT ALL RIGHT NOW. DH can ask me a simple yes or no question and I LITERALLY cannot even get the answer out before DS13 has either answered for me or gone off on some other topic. On an even more serious note, I'm actually concerned about driving with him in the car because I just can't THINK. I've tried giving him guidelines like no talking in the car or do not interrupt when I'm trying to have a conversation and I've tried giving him a journal to get out his thoughts. When he was younger I would have him tap my arm once when he needed to interrupt, which worked occasionally but he always complained that by the time I got to him (literally within a few minutes or less) he had forgotten what he wanted to say. I've tried making him physically hold his tongue but he would just hold it while continuing to keep trying to tell me why XYZ was SOOO important that he needed to get it out right. then. It's like he's physically incapable of NOT talking and it's literally just whatever comes into his head. He doesn't have a concept of what is important or even relevant to a conversation. The irony is; however, that he never once got in trouble for talking in class when he was in school. We joke that God must have a real sense of humor to have given us this kid but in all honesty, it's wearing us thin that no one can seem to have a conversation without him jumping in. What say ye? Anybody else have a kid like this? I need some advice before I have a nervous breakdown. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 My kids started displaying this habit earlier in the summer. Then I started charging them for each interruption. It was a .10 for each infraction. The first day I thought they were seriously going to go broke. Then it slowed down. They still do it, but a whole lot less now. I even had to pay a few times! We also used this for name calling. Worked like a charm, although my son has on occasion decided it was worth .10 to tell someone what he thought. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Ds20 was a HUUUUUGE talker. I remember it being tiring when he was just a little boy! He has ALWAYS been a talker. I miss it SO MUCH. :crying: he moved out last summer. So often the time he wanted to talk was at bed time. I used to enjoy our long, late night talks. Interrupting? I don't tolerate it and I never have. Unless I am absolutely needed, I do NOT let my kid interrupt. I will ignore what they say completely until our conversatin is completed. It is a pet peeve of mi e. Most people I know let their kids of all ages interrupt and it drives me crazy. At 13 there is simply no excuse. What complicates things for you is that your son is an only child. When it is just the three of ypu at home, who else is he going to talk to? I would set down firm boundaries about the interrupting. You will be doing HIM a favor to teach him this basic manner before he moves out of the house. When you and dh want an uninterrupted conversation, tell him. Let him know that if he i terrupts, he will have to stay in his room until your conversation is done. Does he plenty of opportunity to socialize? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I also think scheduling in quiet time for yourself is imperative. Let ds know that during this time he is to leave you alone completely unless it is an emergency. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoot Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) Does he plenty of opportunity to socialize? From MY perspective, yes. But then, I'm an introvert who hates to talk and isn't real fond of being around people either. :tongue_smilie:From HIS perspective though, I guess probably not. The thing is, he loves to be home. He is a dyed in the wool homebody. He goes to karate twice a week and in the spring and fall he does baseball once or twice a week. When our co-op starts back up he'll be there for a full day once a week. In our neighborhood he really only has a sibling pair of friends who are younger than him, though he doesn't play with them as often as he would like. Edited July 23, 2012 by contessa20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kricau Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Neither of mine is too big on talking. But my little cousin (11 yo) is. Man that girl can talk. We are constantly telling her to be quite. She is also an interuptor. If she thinks she knows the answer to a question she will answer it, even if you weren't asking her. And if she has an opinion about what anyone is discussing, she will not hesitate to tell you. And she gets louder the more excited she gets. I have no advice, but I do sympathize with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tots2teens Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I'm sorry I have no advice for you. My dd5 is the EXACT same way. I even laughed a bit reading your post because your son sounds exactly like my daughter. I'm an introvert, too and although I TRY to let her talk, I feel very guilty when I just have to tell her to be quiet! It is IMPERATIVE for me to have some quiet time during the day or I will go crazy. My secret is to take very long bathroom breaks, with the door closed:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenvneck Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Does he have ADHD? I do and am the same way as your ds unless I have taken Adderall. Obviously, as an adult, I have a *little* more self-control (not a lot sometimes!), but it often feels like I physically CANNOT stop myself from speaking. When I am able to control it, it is physically painful to me. I hate how it feels, how I know it makes the people around me react, but it is so incredibly difficult to just...ZIP IT! I don't have any advice, just wanted to offer a perspective of someone who has the same issues. Often I end up on various boards and forums so that I can "talk" without interrupting whatever is going on in my house! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 (edited) I used to say, "I really care about what you have to say, but right now I can't concentrate on your words because I am tired/driving/thinking/working/talking to Daddy/a friend. I want to hear your story, but I can't give you the attention you deserve right now." That always worked well. I would try to make sure to go back to ask the child to tell me the story. Sometimes they didn't remember. I know we want to hear every word sometimes, but not all children are able to give and take in conversation. It can be tricky. You want to respect the child, but some children are not as aware of social cues as much as we'd like. We would never want to tell our friends to shut up. lol If the child seemed especially excited above something amazing that just happened, taking 5 minutes to let him speak was worth the calm after. Plus, you want to know if the house is on fire, or if something bad is going down. Sometimes excessive chatter is a sign of ADD/ADHD, so that is something to keep in mind in case your gentle requests for waiting go unheeded. Edited July 24, 2012 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoot Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Does he have ADHD? I do and am the same way as your ds unless I have taken Adderall. Obviously, as an adult, I have a *little* more self-control (not a lot sometimes!), but it often feels like I physically CANNOT stop myself from speaking. When I am able to control it, it is physically painful to me. I hate how it feels, how I know it makes the people around me react, but it is so incredibly difficult to just...ZIP IT! I don't have any advice, just wanted to offer a perspective of someone who has the same issues. Often I end up on various boards and forums so that I can "talk" without interrupting whatever is going on in my house! Nope, no ADHD. He isn't impulsive in other ways or hyperactive. He also doesn't really zone out like those with inattentive ADD. He is incredibly forgetful though. I almost think he just needs a lot of social stimulation and being an only child, we're it. The fact that he CAN be quiet when the situation deems it appropriate (in a school setting, movie theater, lecture etc.) makes me think it is more of a behavioral issue than a developmental or chemical disorder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 If a kid in a social situation was talking too much, his friends would tell him he talks too much. They would then make faces and start to ostracize him if he didn't slow down and speak at more appropriate times. I wouldn't do that as an adult, but it's not inappropriate to tell him he is speaking too much. It's not inappropriate to have him read Proverbs. And to focus on the verses about how the wise are slow to speak. It's not inappropriate to give consequences for completely rude behavior such as interrupting or speaking for someone else who is in the room. This is a character issue. Not being self-centered, not thinking the world revolves around him or his every breath is important. Having said that, he needs someone to talk to. He needs some friends. He needs some time that you focus on him and listen to him every day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 My dd is the same way. It's driving me absolutely crazy lately. I listen to her a lot (a LOT) but lately I've just been asking her to please be quiet because I just cannot stand the constant chatter and conversation. She and I both have ADD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 DS talks a lot. He has a billion ideas in his head all at once. He likes grown up conversation. We welcome him in to any conversation so long as he acts like the rest of us grown ups, and obviously it's a learning in process. If it's something DH and really need to discuss privately, then we talk when the kids are not there. I know I"m going to miss the jabber one day :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momma2Luke Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 Listening in because my 5yo son is EXACTLY and my husband and I are VERY comfortable with NOT talking.. :) We think he is probably ADHD... I hate having to say "please STOP talking" all of the time... but since I believe that I myself have ADD, I just cannot focus when its CONSTANT talking.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 My DD does that. What's really frustrating is that she actually does a pretty good job of reining it in around other kids, but at home, it's constant chatter, whether someone else is in the room or not. One thing we have worked on is how to talk to someone and carry on a conversation, not just talking at them, and I do think it's helped as far as social conversations and in classroom situations. She has also gotten better at letting DH and I know when she wants to talk to us explicitly. I just wish she'd cut off the constant monologue, but recognizing that it IS a monologue and that it's not necessarily that she wants a conversation has made it less tiring for me. I think it's behavioral, but I also think it's more like it's her natural state and, with effort, she can hold it together when she's in groups, and that it's just plain hard on her to do so. When she's been in group activities, especially daily ones like day camp or VBS, she's both obviously exhausted and wound up when she comes home-it's like she has a whole 3 hours or 6 hours worth of speech in her that just HAS to come out before she can calm down. I'd hate to think what she'd be like if she were in school every day! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countrygal Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 First, I didn't read all the responses so sorry for repeats. Second, I have a son just like yours who is 6 so I can sympathize. I think he makes me lose brain cells some days. Here are my few thoughts: 1. Try to change the inappropriate behavior, not his personality. Don't crush who he is, but he's old enough to learn not to interrupt. Talk to him about it when he's not doing it (be proactive instead of reactive.) We're still working on this one.... 2. Make sure you sit down with him everyday and just let him talk. Someday, he might not want to talk to you anymore (because he'll be all grown up.) :crying: When I think of that, I get sad! 3. Get him a friend that likes to listen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 From MY perspective, yes. But then, I'm an introvert who hates to talk and isn't real fond of being around people either. :tongue_smilie:From HIS perspective though, I guess probably not. The thing is, he loves to be home. He is a dyed in the wool homebody. He goes to karate twice a week and in the spring and fall he does baseball once or twice a week. When our co-op starts back up he'll be there for a full day once a week. In our neighborhood he really only has a sibling pair of friends who are younger than him, though he doesn't play with them as often as he would like. you may then want to see if he wants to have a friend over an afternoon or two a week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hthnmamax2 Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: You have my sympathies, my 14 y/o son is the same way. We routinely travel travel over four hours to my parents. There are times during those trips where visions of duct tape rolls dance in my head! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 I've heard that if you give him time every morning... say from 10-10:30 to tell you whatever he wants. Really look at him.... share what he's saying with you. ( I mean.... be or at least seem very interested) I say this very.... very gently.... Enjoy this time now because you WANT your kids to share with you. He's also sharing what's on his mind. The WAY he's sharing may mean that his brain is over active. (Is he dealing with ADHD?) If you think about "why" he's over talking... (to you at least) then you can be more thoughtful about how you deal with him. I'd give a ton to have my children ramble with me. Teenage years are hard... and they are doubly hard if your kids DON'T want to chat. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoot Posted July 31, 2012 Author Share Posted July 31, 2012 My DD does that. What's really frustrating is that she actually does a pretty good job of reining it in around other kids, but at home, it's constant chatter, whether someone else is in the room or not. One thing we have worked on is how to talk to someone and carry on a conversation, not just talking at them, and I do think it's helped as far as social conversations and in classroom situations. She has also gotten better at letting DH and I know when she wants to talk to us explicitly. I just wish she'd cut off the constant monologue, but recognizing that it IS a monologue and that it's not necessarily that she wants a conversation has made it less tiring for me. I think it's behavioral, but I also think it's more like it's her natural state and, with effort, she can hold it together when she's in groups, and that it's just plain hard on her to do so. When she's been in group activities, especially daily ones like day camp or VBS, she's both obviously exhausted and wound up when she comes home-it's like she has a whole 3 hours or 6 hours worth of speech in her that just HAS to come out before she can calm down. I'd hate to think what she'd be like if she were in school every day! YES!!!!! This is my son exactly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoot Posted July 31, 2012 Author Share Posted July 31, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: You have my sympathies, my 14 y/o son is the same way. We routinely travel travel over four hours to my parents. There are times during those trips where visions of duct tape rolls dance in my head! :D This is where I become mom of the year and just tell him to take his iPod or portable DVD player. :001_huh: Seriously, I'm accessible all day everyday and he can come to me to talk whenever. When we're in an enclosed space like the car, I just can't deal with that. I need quiet. And, if I'm driving I REALLY need quiet. If I'm co-piloting I just can't concentrate with chatter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 Soooo thankful for this thread. I thought I was the only one dealing with this! I was not prepared for a son to be a motormouth. I always thought it sould be Dd with the problem. I think we should convince them all to attend a duct tape convention! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Outinthegarden Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 I laughed so hard when I read this - My dd who is 9 sounds exactly like this! :D I don't know what to tell you - except for us we implemented a hand signal (hold up one finger nicely) and "code words" (eckhem - translated the sound when you clear your throat) that when used she says "Ohhh" and then is quiet. At least for a few minutes.:lol: She is not an only child - she has two older brothers - who at times tell her to PLEASEEEEEE stop talking and a younger sister who is so quiet we have nick named her "the mouse"! :D Here's to hoping they outgrow it :grouphug: Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 My kids started displaying this habit earlier in the summer. Then I started charging them for each interruption. It was a .10 for each infraction. The first day I thought they were seriously going to go broke. Then it slowed down. They still do it, but a whole lot less now. I even had to pay a few times! We also used this for name calling. Worked like a charm, although my son has on occasion decided it was worth .10 to tell someone what he thought. :) :iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 What kind of consequences does he get for interrupting adults (especially you and Mr. Contessa)? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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