SweetandSimple Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 My DD (almost 5) is very, very shy. I've even wondered about selective mutism, because she has clear anxiety when it comes to speaking to people outside of our immediate family. Besides our immediate family, she'll talk to her 3 grandmas, one grandpa, one aunt, and the little girl who lives next door. That's it. But she chatters incessantly to us! She does go to her little Sunday school class, which is wonderful. But other than that, she doesn't see many other kids, and when she does, she won't leave my side to play with them. Of course, I feel like many people blame her shyness on our homeschooling lifestyle, even though I know that it is just how she is. Anyway, I think that is is important for her to spend some time with other children, and I've been wondering which extracurricular activities would provide the most "socialization" opportunities. I know that many lessons, such as swimming and dance, don't really allow the kids to talk or interact with each other during the class. I've thought that perhaps gymnastics would be good. Do the kids talk to each other while they are in line for their turn on the equipment? Maybe a team sport would be better? Daisy scouts? We live in an area that has a wealth of extracurricular choices, but I am hoping to find one where she will have the best chance of making some friends. Which activities have provided your children with their best socialization opportunities? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Closeacademy Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 The best socialization activities we found were ones where the children's time was not structured. Activities where they could do what they wanted and interact with others. I've found a weekly playgroup to be the best way to build up the social skills of a very shy child. It sometimes takes months or years but over time the children in the group interact and learn how to become friends. Classes and such are generally so structured that the kids show up, they do this, this and this and then class is over and all the parents wisk them off to the next activity. We never could connect with other parents and the kids could never make friends at that age with ballet, co-op, or other such activities. I've found the best choice is something that meets regularly with the same people and the children are allowed to go off on their own and interact with minimal amounts of structure. Good luck.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) My kids (one Aspie and one introvert) thrive at theatre class. It is somewhat structured, but also allows for playful interaction among the kids, especially when doing warm up games. Our classes started at age 6, so it might be too early, yet. But it's something to keep in mind. Edited July 23, 2012 by thescrappyhomeschooler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 My kids (one Aspie and one introvert) thrive at theatre class. It is somewhat structured, but also allows for playful interaction among the kids, especially when doing warm up games. Our classes started at age 6, so it might be too early, yet. But it's something to keep in mind. :iagree: I was thinking drama is often good for introverts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 My kids (one Aspie and one introvert) thrive at theatre class. It is somewhat structured, but also allows for playful interaction among the kids, especially when doing warm up games. Our classes started at age 6, so it might be too early, yet. But it's something to keep in mind. :iagree: Drama was wonderful for my shy dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaleidoscope Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 TKD has really helped my shy DDs. I wasn't too sure about it at first but wow what a difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Drama. Some art classes will allow chatter. If she has selective mutism, she may do better in one on one situation. I would encourage play dates with a purpose. Incite a friend overmuch,but you start it with a silly activity to break the ice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I would look for an activity with a good teacher/leader who understands your dd's situation and can make a special effort to help her. I would look for a trained teacher, preferably with some special ed experience. My dc were slow on socialization, and I found it was the teacher, rather than the type of class, that made a difference. Also, I would go for a structured program. A multi-age group might be good, as it can be easier to socialize with younger kids. If there is a mixed special needs-typical group that could also be a possibility. I do know a child with selective mutism. It is a struggle, but progress can be made. It would be good if you could find out if that is the case with your dd, in which case she might benefit from professional help, or if it something else that you can help her overcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 My kids (one Aspie and one introvert) thrive at theatre class. It is somewhat structured, but also allows for playful interaction among the kids, especially when doing warm up games. Our classes started at age 6, so it might be too early, yet. But it's something to keep in mind. :iagree: Another vote for theatre classes. They tend to draw a mixed bag of kids insofar as social skills, so your dd is likely to meet someone just like her, and perhaps you'll find other parents with kids like yours. I'm amazed how many introverted people are okay getting up on stage. My younger dd was fairly shy; she quit dance classes at that age because they were just "too crowded" (4 other kids in a large room). Gradually she became able to separate from me more. And theatre has become her "thing" -- she just finished attending a 2 week theatre camp for ages 6-13 at which she was one of the "big" kids. During the camp she took some of the youngest shy kids under her wing, so to speak, probably due to empathy. After the final performance Friday night (they put on Beauty and the Beast Jr. and dd was Belle) we went to McDonald's with the older kids (teenagers) in the backstage crew. Dd was afraid to go up and order her own french fries -- she was totally okay with getting up and being Belle in front of a large audience, but talking to a McDonald's cashier was scary. I told her to give it a try anyway because it was good practice. She essentially "played the part" of a confident young lady walking up to the counter to order, and made it through the ordeal, then went to sit at a big table of older kids laughing and chattering, and had a great time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I can't do a free-for-all park day weekly (we didn't do "play groups" :) ). A monthly park day is all I can handle. Dance (ballet and Highland dance), 4-H, and Camp Fire were our other regular activities. There is gentle adult supervision, and a variety of ages. They were also *not* homeschool activities which were done early in the day, but were afternoon or early evening classes--much better for my sanity, lol (individual 4-H projects might have been during the day, but they were not regularly scheduled). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Down_the_Rabbit_Hole Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 While wanting to give our introverts a place where they can socialize please remember some really do not want to. Forcing a socialization scene on a child who does not enjoy it will have negative results. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) Another vote for theater classes including acting, singing, and dance. The acting part allowed my DD to overcome her shyness. Even though she began dance at age 2, it wasn't until age 8 that we added the drama and singing. In regards to social development, theater encouraged her to treat herself as the best character she'll ever play. Don't get me wrong, she's still shy. But no one would ever guess. People don't believe me when I tell them she's shy. The singing and dance classes just assure she'll get more roles. My DS's friends all came from his soccer teams. Even though he is now in his thirties, all of his closest friends were on the same team as children. Your DD is still very young, so you might just want to explore her interests for now. :) Edited July 23, 2012 by Minniewannabe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoundAbout Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 We belong to a weekly nature group that does short hikes in local parks. It's mostly unstructured and the kids have plenty of time to socialize. For a shy child it would be perfect as its not as crazy as a free-for-all playgroup/park day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 My similar DD has done well with ballet. The class is structured, but that helps. Then she gets to know the kids without having to be social, if that makes any sense. I think a lot of kids with this type of disposition end up in ballet. The way the teachers run the class is good for helping them feel connected and welcomed, but there isn't pressure to talk. ETA: I think that my DD will really like a theater class someday - she LOVED doing a Nutcraker ballet thing last fall. She's still only 6, though, and I don't feel in a hurry to pursue that yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Scouts, theater, or an art/crafts class. :) Those activities seem to offer enough structure that a shy child can be drawn in naturally, but also allow some opportunity for some unstructured social time. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Marmalade Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Does your DD have any particular interests at the moment? If she did, I would look in that direction for social opportunities. Does she enjoy spending time at the library- simply spending time at the weekly/daily craft/story time might be beneficial. Does she enjoy spending time exploring nature? Maybe your local park&rec offers a weekly activity to take that a bit further. When you begin with an activity your DD already enjoys, and put her in a social situation with other kids who also enjoy that activity- there is an almost instant connection. For us, it's dance. My kids love dance, the other kids at the studio love dance, and boom, they have an instant connection and make friends very easily because of that common bond. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah CB Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 The best socialization activities we found were ones where the children's time was not structured. Activities where they could do what they wanted and interact with others. I've found a weekly playgroup to be the best way to build up the social skills of a very shy child. It sometimes takes months or years but over time the children in the group interact and learn how to become friends. Classes and such are generally so structured that the kids show up, they do this, this and this and then class is over and all the parents wisk them off to the next activity. We never could connect with other parents and the kids could never make friends at that age with ballet, co-op, or other such activities. I've found the best choice is something that meets regularly with the same people and the children are allowed to go off on their own and interact with minimal amounts of structure. Good luck.:001_smile: For us, it was Suzuki violin. Ds would not speak to teachers or children in other groups, but our Suzuki group was small - just five kids and their five parents. I think he felt safe because I was there and I think he felt Ok about me being there because all of the parents were there and took part in the group. Over the first year he slowly began interacting. The group was structured, but also games-based so it required kids to work together on some things. It didn't overwhelm him and by the end of the year he was comfortable playing a solo in front of his group and he was initiating conversation with the kids. Violin has continued to be a safe place to socialize. We've got a really neat group of kids and instructors who want to foster relationships between the kids. They get snack breaks in their group and orchestra classes that remind me of recess - the kids all grab something to eat and then run outside to play tag or cops and robbers. Many of the kids have been together for years so it is a comfortable and safe place. I also think that music itself can be a pretty powerful therapy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetandSimple Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 Wow! Thank you for all of the wonderful suggestions. All of you have so many words of wisdom! I have a lot of things to look into now. We did try a few homeschool park days, but there were a ton of kids there, and it was overwhelming. Maybe I can find a smaller group? I had never thought of theatre, but that is something that I will look into. I can also see how small group music classes or ballet could fit her personality. She loves to tumble all over the place, so I think that she might find gymnastics to be fun... Thank you again! It is especially nice to hear from others who have had experience with really shy kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Taekwondo helped us, too. We found that there were many kids waiting for other siblings' classes. When mine were in two different belts, we were often there for several hours. The other sibling got to hang out and chat. The best thing for socialization for my 12yo quirky kid though has been pokemon club. We go every Saturday for 3 hours or so. They are all quirky and a great group of people ranging from 5-60. (The 60yos kinda creeped me out until I got to know them and found out they started 15 years ago when their kids were into it, were bored sitting there, started playing and never stopped!) It has been the single best thing for my ds. Really. Dh and I are amazed in the improvements he's made. He even has more empathy and understanding. Amazing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joyfulhomeschooler Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 The best socialization activities we found were ones where the children's time was not structured. Activities where they could do what they wanted and interact with others. I've found a weekly playgroup to be the best way to build up the social skills of a very shy child. It sometimes takes months or years but over time the children in the group interact and learn how to become friends. Classes and such are generally so structured that the kids show up, they do this, this and this and then class is over and all the parents wisk them off to the next activity. We never could connect with other parents and the kids could never make friends at that age with ballet, co-op, or other such activities. I've found the best choice is something that meets regularly with the same people and the children are allowed to go off on their own and interact with minimal amounts of structure. Good luck.:001_smile: :iagree: I have one of theses children too. Our weekly park group has been the way to go! It did take a few months though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joyfulhomeschooler Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Taekwondo helped us, too. We found that there were many kids waiting for other siblings' classes. When mine were in two different belts, we were often there for several hours. The other sibling got to hang out and chat. The best thing for socialization for my 12yo quirky kid though has been pokemon club. We go every Saturday for 3 hours or so. They are all quirky and a great group of people ranging from 5-60. (The 60yos kinda creeped me out until I got to know them and found out they started 15 years ago when their kids were into it, were bored sitting there, started playing and never stopped!) It has been the single best thing for my ds. Really. Dh and I are amazed in the improvements he's made. He even has more empathy and understanding. Amazing! I just had to say, I love your name! Very pretty! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) For us, it's been regular hs 'playgroup'. Edited July 23, 2012 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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