Dilemma: would you pay all, part or nothing of this ER bill?

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

Ok, story time. This week Dd and sil left grandson with me while they went to look for a house to rent in the new location they will be living. 2 1/2 yo grandson and my 4yo son were horsing around and grandson fell against a chest of drawers. Hence an emergency room visit and five small staples in the top of his head( he is doing fine and was a real trooper).

 

Dilemma- since dd and sil are in transition they have no permanent address, they are living with the in-laws, and no insurance. I had to give my address, I didn't have the in-laws address with me, and sign as guarantor of the bill which will have to be paid in full by somebody. Sil rather reluctantly told me to send them the bill when I get it. I feel kind of guilty about doing that, but dh doesn't seem to think there is any reason why they shouldn't pay it.

 

We have 5 children at home and finances have been very tight for us also. They don't have any debts, we do. Both families have expected future expenses looming. Sil has a large investment left to him by his grandfather, from which he draws the interest, still they pinch pennies so as not to lower the principle. We cashed in the only small investment we had last year to pay dental bills. I only include all this because it tends to affect my thinking on this issue, but I don't know if it should.

 

So, the question is, should we just pay the medical bill because this happened while grandson is with us, or should his parents pay?

[TraceyS/FL]

Parents......

[Tammy]

People are responsible for their own health care....I wouldn't feel obligated to pay it. It isn't your fault they have no insurance.

 

Tammy

[sleepy]

Their child: their responsibility. I would never expect anyone to pay my child's medical bills.

[senunk]

I think it is the paren't responsibility, not yours. At least, that is how I would treat it if my child was hurt while at anyone's house. Accidents happen. It wasn't like you did it to him or that you caused it to happen. KWIM?

[starlashine]

If it was directly related to lack of supervision on your part, I would see it as your responsibility. But boys will be boys, and accidents happen when they are, and that seems to be the case here. They have reserves, it is not your job to insure their principle stays high. The parents should pay.

[tkhmoh]

I can't imagine expecting someone else to pay for my child's medical expense in a situation like that.

 

My son recently broke his arm while in someone else's care, and it never occured to us to expect them to offer to pay for it. And he(an adult) actually knocked my son down while they were playing soccer. Overzealous footballer. :tongue_smilie:

 

It was an accident, these things happen.

[Adrianne]

The parents are responsible for the child's healthcare - not you. In that situation, I would definitely pay the bill and would not expect my parents to do it.

 

What if you had been a friend and not mom? Would they still expect you to pay?

[Mom2GirlsTX]

The parents are responsible for the child's healthcare - not you. In that situation, I would definitely pay the bill and would not expect my parents to do it.

 

What if you had been a friend and not mom? Would they still expect you to pay?

 

:iagree:

 

You are the grandmother, not the insurance agency. I know it happened under your watch, but accidents happen and they need to pay for their child's medical bills.

[Jen500]

I agree that the parents should pay. Accidents happen. Why would you watch the kids again if you *might* have to cover for their lack of medical coverage? Even when I leave my dog with someone, I tell them to go ahead and use the vet if needed, and I would pay the expense.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

Thanks everyone. Looking at it from the opposite side helps. I wouldn't have expected my parents to pay either. I'm still getting used to giving up the feeling of being responsible for dd and her life.

 

The accident happened right in front of me, so I guess lack of supervision is not an issue. I tell you what though, my nerves are shot from the experience. Dd and sil get back tomorrow. Grandson is a great little guy, but what they say is true, it's nice to love 'em and give 'em back.

[Quiver0f10]

I agree with the others that the parents should pay the bill.

[jmgconner]

The parents need to pay, not you.

[Brigitte]

I guess I will be the lone, partial dissenter here. lol. Who is responsible...the parents of the child, of course. But, if I were in this situation and it were my grandchild, I would probably offer to pay half. Since it happened on my watch, I would feel somewhat responsible.

[kailuamom]

My .02 -- the parents should pay. I would not expect my parents or in-laws to pay for my child's medical bills, whether insurance covered it or not. You had no choice but to get him the care...it's not like you said "Hey...instead of getting ice cream, let's go to the ER!" He was hurt and needed care. They would have done the same thing if he had been with them.

[kailuamom]

My .02 -- the parents should pay. I would not expect my parents or in-laws to pay for my child's medical bills, whether insurance covered it or not. You had no choice but to get him the care...it's not like you said "Hey...instead of getting ice cream, let's go to the ER!" He was hurt and needed care. They would have done the same thing if he had been with them.

 

 

(That said, you could offer to help pay if you have the means and they don't right now...but that depends on many things, including the dynamics of your relationship. You are her mother, but she is a responsible adult now, kwim?)

[Kris]

Another vote for the parents paying the bill -- though it sounds like you've already got that figured out. ;-)

[Old Dominion Heather]

I'm with Brigitte, I'd offer to help pay or just give them a monetary gift to help out if there was any way I could. My parents have given us money (unasked) from time to time as they have had extra. It has been a real blessing for us.

 

The only way I wouldn't offer to help is if I felt they were being skinflints.

[I talk to the trees]

I guess it would depend on the family dynamics. If it were my child, injured while under the care of my parents, they would be sooooooo upset, especially my mother. I know without a doubt that they would help us to whatever extent they could with the bills, since they were responsible for her care during the time of the accident. But that's just the way my family works. If someone needs something, the rest of the crew pitches in and offers whatever they can (not necessarily money, but whatever they feel they can provide.) Now my in-laws, OTOH, are the exact opposite. They'd pat dd on the back and say, "What a shame." And that would be the end of that. They also have NO CLUE as to what is safe for young children (I once caught mil allowing dd, then 11 mo., to mouth a brooch mil was wearing on a necakace ACK! She also let dd, then 6 years, use a sewing machine by herself. Double ACK!). Since I know the likelihood of a serious accident occurring on her- I say "her" because my fil couldn't possibly care less about dd- her watch is pretty high, we just don't leave dd alone with her. Woah, off on a tangent here! Back to the question!

 

Hmm....okay, my point is that if you usually help your dc out when you can, then yes, offer to help, or even pay the whole thing, if you can. But if your policy with your kids is "When you move out, you're on your own" then tell them so, and don't help.

 

-Robin

[Brindee]

My son got bit by my parents dog, and we took him to ER, but never expected my parents to pay for it, never even thought of that! My other son fell at a church member's day care one day--his teeth went completely through his tongue--you could see the hole! She called me, I called dh, we left work, picked him up and took him to ER--never even thought to ask her to cover it, though she's probably covered by some kind of insurance.

 

It just happens, so if I was the parent I would not expect anyone else to pay for it. If that person felt better by offering money to pay or help pay for it, that would be up to them, and I wouldn't refuse it.

 

In your case here, it seems that they have more money available to cover this than you do, so they should cover it, as they are the parents. If they were to make a stink over it and get upset because you are not paying, that would be VERY sad! Because that would mean that you couldn't watch him, in case something like this happened again!

 

If you feel you have enough to offer them seomething then do so, but I wouldn't feel obligated to do so!

[Nestof3]

Well, I think the parents should, but as the parent, I would much prefer to pay the cost of an emergency clinic over the hospital emergency room. So, if you were my mom and chose a hospital emergency room (which could easily be 2-3 times the amount of a smaller clinic) over a clinic, thus tripling the bill, I would be peeved.

 

My son cut his finger while using a knife at my parents' house (he was 7) and they took him to a little emergency clinic. I paid the bill. They did offer to pay, but I felt like since my son knew he shouldn't have been using the knife, and there was no negligence on their part, it was my responsibility.

 

Now, I do want to add that as the caregiver at that moment, you do have to determine how safe an activity is -- meaning, if my mom was watching the boys jump off their loft bed and one of them got injured, I would feel like she should chip in since I would never let them jump off a loft bed. Does that make sense? I guess what I am saying is I don't see it as a perfectly clear-cut situation.

[nakitty]

Well...I only skimmed through the responses....so I apologize if this was already addressed....but do you have owners or renters insurance? Because that covers exactly these types of accidents.

 

But, in general, I believe medical bills are the responsibility of the parents.

[Scarlett]

Well...I only skimmed through the responses....so I apologize if this was already addressed....but do you have owners or renters insurance? Because that covers exactly these types of accidents.

 

But, in general, I believe medical bills are the responsibility of the parents.

 

This is just what I was going to say. See if your homeowners will pay for it without too much fuss...that would be a gracious thing for you to do, but by no means is it your responsibility.

[cin]

Regarding your homeowners insurance. First, check the deductible. Second, google them and see if you can find any complaints or praises about them. Some insurance companies drop you if you make a claim, and others will highly increase your premiums.

 

That being said, depending on the family dynamics, you might offer to chip in a little bit, with NO STRINGS attached. (sorry, I know how my parents were, and just had to add that!)

[Jen500]

This is just what I was going to say. See if your homeowners will pay for it without too much fuss...that would be a gracious thing for you to do, but by no means is it your responsibility.

 

I'd be careful about considering this. Where we live, this would greatly increase our premiums and possibly lead to non-renewal of our policy. We save our homeowners insurance for real disasters.

[Danestress]

Is NOT to do this. I would not consider contacting my homeowner's about this. It will probably cost you far more in the end than if you just gave them a small contribution.

 

Otherwise, their decision not to buy medical insurance, their problem.

[nakitty]

ACK! We have State Farm and they have always been excellent about such things....geez, why bother paying for insurance if you have to worry about making a claim!

[Danestress]

ACK! We have State Farm and they have always been excellent about such things....geez, why bother paying for insurance if you have to worry about making a claim!

 

We have a fairly low rate and we have it for a major disaster. I am not worried about making a claim when the house is burglarized, burns down, a tree falls and does massive damage etc.

 

When a kid falls and needs a few stitches, I would personally not try to recover through insurance because I'm pretty sure my deductible would be fairly high anyway. I might figure out what the deductible is and give THAT to the kids. But I wouldn't claim it.

[TraceyS/FL]

So that when a Tornado, Hurricane, Fire, Flood comes thru - you have coverage.....

 

It's not easy to get/keep insurance these days in some states if you USE it for any thing other than a BIG loss.

 

Our big loss in the Tornado was the kids playset - MIL insisted would should have turned it in... i had adjusters in the neighborhood canceling people left and right with NO damage, but having a trampoline.... ANY reason to cancel, they do.....

[LizzyBee]

ACK! We have State Farm and they have always been excellent about such things....geez, why bother paying for insurance if you have to worry about making a claim!

 

That's how I feel, too. We have Erie Insurance; we've had numerous claims on the auto policy and at least one claim on the homeowner's, but they've never raised our rates.

 

I agree with the others that the medical expenses are the parents' responsibility, but I would check on filing an insurance claim. I think our policy has no deductible for medical claims, but they only pay up to one or two grand per person per incident.

[Sparkle]

The parents should pay, not you. Accidents do happen and parents should expect that there will be some medical bills to pay during the growing years. I can think of at least twice when my dc have been injured while playing at my in-laws, where they needed medical treatment, but I never would have asked my in-laws to pay.

[klmama]

Yes, you were watching, but they are their kids. It's their responsibility. You could offer to help, if you wanted, but it doesn't sound like you have the money to do so right now. Their trust fund should be used for their family's expenses, and this is one. There's no reason you should have to pay a medical bill for them just because they don't want to touch the principal.

[JFSinIL]

It is not your responsibility. Now - it you had a trampoline or some hazard like that and a kid got hurt - then you might be liable for having a hazard. But not for this.