Our homeschooling journey may be coming to an end

[Doran]

I can't bring myself to type "is" coming to an end just yet. That feels too big, too finite. The reality is, though, that we've been moving in this direction for our oldest (rising 9th grader) for some time. In recent weeks, we've been discussing these related topics: the constraints of our financial situation and the need for me to be generating more income; my concerns over being able to meet the homeschooling needs of our youngest while simultaneously focusing on increased earnings (I've walked the path of trying to work hard and well while still teaching well at the same time, and it was very stressful for me.); my concerns over being able to meet the social and energetic needs of our youngest with her sibling off at school; what our youngest wants.

 

The last topic - the desires of our youngest - are what have come into the picture most prominently in the past week. A few days ago we were discussing the possibilities of continuing to homeschool versus attending to public school, and I asked her what she felt about attending school. She answered as she has all other times I've asked her this question. She said, "I don't know." That conversation kind of fizzled out, but later that day, immediately after I picked her up from a session with her reading tutor, she announced, "I'm going back to school next year!" When I pressed her for more information on this sudden revelation, she pegged in just a few words one of the major reasons I am questioning our continued pursuit of schooling at home. In essence, she said she wants a regular schedule. She wants to be able to know when things are happening, and what they're going to be, on a predictable basis. Sadly, when I'm working and homeschooling, I am not good at offering that. One of my weaknesses, if that's what you want to call it, is keeping to a precise schedule. It has also been one of the plusses of homeschooling these past eight years. We've enjoyed the flexibility to go with the flow of the days, in a relative sense. For the last year, since we moved from the farm, our school schedule has become MUCH more routine. We still have kinks, and I'm still the "culprit", at times, when it comes to not enforcing a rigid day. Some of the reasons are valid (a writing deadline, for example), and some are not. Regardless, the end result is that dd2, who still needs a fair amount of guidance in her studies, has to wait for me to be ready to work with her.

 

When she spoke of schedules and predictability, I immediately felt myself cringe and think that I could simply commit to a cleaner schedule, that we could tackle that hurdle, no problem. But, honestly, I believe she and I both know it would be a lofty and fairly unrealistic goal if I'm also trying to expand my working life.

 

So, all of a sudden, but not exactly all of a sudden, I'm looking at life from the eyes of a mother whose two kids could be gone from me all day. I'm looking at our shelves of books, and our ability to do interesting things during the days, and I'm seeing a big wall. But, I'm also imagining what it might feel like to be able to focus on my work without having to feel guilty over some school related project that never happened, or vice versa, feeling like I'm neglecting work because I've put homeschooling first. It's easiest to feel sadness over the first and some ambivalence over the second, because I know, deeply, how much I will miss my kids. I'm less familiar with that other scenario.

 

It pains me to think of the hoops we will have to jump through to satisfy the school, and to consider the hours of my kids' lives that will be utterly wasted in that environment. But, there is a small voice inside that also whispers peaceful thoughts, reminds me that many supremely wonderful kids attend public schools, and that our kids will be okay because they've had such a solid foundation up to now. We can always come back to homeschooling if the school experiment is a disaster, right? In general, life is forgiving like that, I guess. Young spirits, and precious personalities, I'm not so sure. Oh, my girls, how will this change us all?!

 

Clearly, there are no questions embedded in this post. I wanted you all to know what's brewing. Mostly for transparency. Also for support. My stars, it feels like I'm standing naked in Times Square.

[newbie]

Tons of hugs and support coming your way on your new journey.

 

jet:grouphug:

[siloam]

You need a hug today (((Doran))).

 

Heather

[Liza Q]

:grouphug:

 

While I can't say that I understand your situation, I can say that you are doing a great job at deciding what is best for your whole family!

[Brindee]

Lots to think about! Lots to consider! But in the long-run, do whatever you feel is best for your family! We'll support you whatever decision you make! Sometimes it just comes to that point!

 

We sent our oldest to a Christian Boarding School this past year. That was one of the hardest decisions of my life! In a way I could see how it would be better, yet sending him off somewhere, after being home so long....How would it work? What if he failed? And many more questions. There was a LOT of prayer involved too, of course. The end result? He recently got home from his Junior year there. He had the second highest gpa in the school (It's a small school--~40 students[there will be more next year], but still...), and at that it was 4.197! He said he loved being home on the breaks, but he also loved school. He was asked to tutor Geometry. He went on a Histroy trip back east, and a mission trip to a Navajo Mission School. It was a WONDERFUL experience for him! It was what was needed!

 

So, you do what you have to do and go ahead and feel GOOD about it! Just sayin....

[Jenny in Atl]

May the path you take be a good one. Nothing is ever set in stone and you can always find a way to change course if needed. I find myself in a similar mind-set. Hopefully, I can keep on keeping on. But at least we have some choice unlike so many who don't.

:grouphug:

[TraceyS/FL]

:grouphug:

[Jen500]

Good luck Doran. I don't think there is really a perfect solution for education. We just have to pick the choice that will work best for our family.

[Doran]

The support means so much, and I'm sure I will need a lot of it in coming months.

 

I realize, reading these replies, that I could have asked for something specific that might help us in this transition.

 

Those of you who've experienced this or something similar -- sending kids back to school, that is, like Brindee -- have insight that would be invaluable to me. I feel like an utter novice! If you care to share the lessons you've learned that were most important, or maybe most surprising, I think we could benefit greatly from those.

 

My thanks, again.

[nancypants]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Mostly for transparency.

 

Reason #1 that I like you so much Doran. And reason #1 that I hope you can still be part of our community anyways, no matter what you do next year! :grouphug:

[Brindee]

Doran,

 

Sometimes in your heart you know what's best. You've researched, though, discussed, prayed, and you've come to a thought that you agree seems the best for you/your family. Then others voice their opinions. They're sure things should go THIS way or THAT way NOT YOUR way. You listen, as is good, to their opinions. Then you start to doubt yourself. Maybe they're right, you think. THAT is where you have to STOP! My dh and I did all the above things and listened a lot. But in the long-run, it is OUR famly, OUR son. We are the ones that know our total situation. The advice and ideas helped, but just make sure you go with what feels BEST for your family! Don't make a decision based just or mostly on what others say. Trust your instinct, research discussions and prayers.

 

I don't know how clear that is, but my BIGGEST advice is praying and trusting God to lead. I don't know if you believe that though.

 

Also, realize it won't be easy. I think you already know that! BUT, I had a friend who made that decision because she felt it was best for them--then backed out because it didn't go just as she thought it should---she thought it would be seamless. There were some bumps, so she stopped the process. So, know there will be bumps, just like there are bumps with homeschooling.

 

Expect an adjustment time. It's a big change. Some kids just flow right into it. If that happens, GREAT! If not, it's okay! Let them know it's okay. Don't jump ship too soon if it doesn't seem to work out.

 

Some days you'll hate what you've done, some days you'll love it. Go with the flow. If you've gone with the decision you truly felt was best for your family, then it'll work out!

 

Talk it through with the kids. Bring up possibilities and ask how they'll deal with them. Work through things together, before they run across it in school. Let them know you're available for them ANYTIME! You WANT them to want to come to you with problems and things that don't seem right. Let them know up-front what your expectations are from them: for school, homework, chores, bedtime, rising time, etc. If you discuss this stuff beforehand, it makes the transition easier to flow into. Ask them what their expectations are.

 

Visit the school, find where there classes will be, who their teachers will be, try to talk with some of the teachers and see the room and get a general idea of the lay-out of the school. Talk with the principal, ask questions. Ask the principal or teacher(s) if there's anything your kids can do over the summer to better prepare themselves for school in general or certain classes (reading a book that will be required, etc.).

 

Stay calm. Follow through with your decision once it's made, and don't doubt it.

 

If there are MAJOR problems, you know you know how to homeschool, so you can come back to that!

 

I'll be praying for your decision and your family!

[Melinda in VT]

My son's biggest issue was understanding the schedule, but it sounds like your daughter won't have trouble with that.

 

My biggest issue was coping with the level of fundraising. :tongue_smilie:

[Remudamom]

What to say? Mostly I'm sorry that you're worrying over what to do, I'm sure it'll all work out for the best.

[Melinda in VT]

I just read Brindee's reply and thought of a few more things.

 

I would definitely let the school know as soon as you have made the decision for sure. My rising seventh grader has already picked his electives, met his teachers, and found out when the fall sports parent meeting and curriculum night are. So far, I'm not aware of any assigned summer reading, but he had some for 5th and 6th grade. My rising third graders have a reading log they need to keep.

[percytruffle]

But, there is a small voice inside that also whispers peaceful thoughts, reminds me that many supremely wonderful kids attend public schools, and that our kids will be okay because they've had such a solid foundation up to now. We can always come back to homeschooling if the school experiment is a disaster, right?

 

Oh Doran, decisions like this are so unnerving and yet as you stated, there will be peace in the end. All change involves hurdles. All change can result in slightly altered personalities. All change has potential to cause anguish and joy, sometimes both and at the same time.

 

You have been wresting with this demon for a while now on the boards, so it is no surprise that something would have to give. Life has been pulling you in too many directions at once. You need to be able to focus. You are worthwhile and focusing your time and effort on using your special skills in a way that will benefit you and your family is a sound decision. And, like you said, if you change your mind later you can always homeschool again.

 

I know what it feels like to be pulled so many different ways that you feel you will break and to see all the wonderful projects that could have been and the schedules that could be and to know that you just can't do it anymore. I was almost at that breaking point two years ago. We continued on because we were almost finished and because we did not have financial need, but even today at times I question whether we should have chosen a different path. You know how that darned grass always looks from the other side of the fence.

 

Peace and blessings to you and many hugs. Great things are ahead. :grouphug:

[Lisa at Home]

I think your girls will be fine. I think eventually, you'll be fine. But as for us, when your real life takes over, we will miss you.:grouphug::crying:

 

~Lisa

[Doran]

...now you guys have me in tears.

 

I'm so bad at big decisions. Not exactly bad at them. Just slow to make them. It took me YEARS to decide the time was right to move beyond the farming life that had so captivated and consumed me for so long. And, now, a year plus later, the changes continue to roll in. I'm not sure I'm entirely ready, but how can I not be, kwim?

 

I'm about to babble here, so I'll just say thanks! Sincerely. Oh, and Lisa at Home, the thought of not being connected on the board makes me very sad. I hope I can still find time to spend here, on occasion (or more), and that I won't feel like a fish out of water. But, I also realize that life takes us down other paths, so I'll try to be open to that as well.

 

Oh...gee..

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Doran, you are such an amazing woman. The insight, the wisdom, the honesty that you portray and embody makes me so proud to know you. This is such a touch decision that I know you have not taken lightly at all. I wish you great peace in this process. Don't think it is the end. And please don't leave this place. We would greatly mourn if you left. Please don't go anywhere regardless of your status with schooling your dc. :grouphug:

[Brindee]

:grouphug:Aside from spelling words wrong, I forgot the hugs!:grouphug:

[Mamagistra]

Doran, you are such an amazing woman. The insight, the wisdom, the honesty that you portray and embody makes me so proud to know you. This is such a touch decision that I know you have not taken lightly at all. I wish you great peace in this process. Don't think it is the end. And please don't leave this place. We would greatly mourn if you left. Please don't go anywhere regardless of your status with schooling your dc. :grouphug:

 

I'll just second my friend M2lm. :grouphug::001_smile:

[PrairieAir]

Me too, Doran. It's hard, isn't it?:grouphug:

[Quiver0f10]

:grouphug: sorry you are going through this

[Michelle in MO]

situation. My husband was diagnosed with an enlarged heart in the fall, and after that scare, we realized that my over 20-year-old bachelor's degree wasn't going to help pull the family through in a crisis. So, I studied for my GRE over the winter and took it in March.

 

Also, we've struggled over the past several years with virtually no homeschool group, and very little social support for our girls, especially the older two. Although I would be the first to defend the fact that homeschoolers can and are well-socialized, even with my best efforts (outside clubs and activities, church, etc.) our girls were still struggling with the effects from hardly having any friends.

 

These two facts "converged" together over the winter, and we made the decision to send them back to school. After some research, we believe that a Catholic school which is located about 30 minutes away from us would provide better academics and hopefully a better environment than the public schools.

 

I understand completely how you feel. I am treading new territory again. I've had some fears and trepidation over our future, and many questions about whether or not we're really doing the right thing. I get my homeschooling catalogs in the mail and think, "I'm not ordering anything this year!" This is wasteful, I know, but I still feel like I want to order some things, although our budget won't allow for anything but necessary items. I feel like I'm drifting off the homeschool map.

 

Believe me, if there's any place you can continue to come for hugs and support, it's on these boards. I've never met a better group of people. Best wishes, hugs, and prayers for you in the decisions you're facing!

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Lizzie in Ma]

I am sure that whatever you decide will be in the best interest of your entire family. I can't imagine having to work through that thought process.

We are here for you.

[OnTheBrink]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Peso]

no matter what the future holds

 

:) Take care and good luck

 

Penny

[DB in NJ]

((((Doran))))

[Once]

Bless you Doran for your transparency and for all your many great posts over the years. My hope is that you find a peace with your family's new path in life. :grouphug:

[Heather in the Kootenays]

My 16 yo just finished her first year at ps after going back in September and it went really well. And you can always change your mind if you send them and it doesn't go well. I hope you stick around. I enjoy your input here.

 

:grouphug:

[ummix3]

Hi,

 

About 2 years ago I was in a similar situation. My oldest dd would be in 2nd and youngest in K. We decided to put them in school because of a serious undiagnosed thyroid condition, I was so weak at that time I could not contemplate HS'ing and the thought of letting go was too much for me to think about so I just blocked it out of my head (atleast until I got better I thought) and try to accept the new "school culture".

 

The first year I pulled out DD #2 from K when I felt better and kept her home. By the time the first year was coming to an end dd #1 was on the honor roll and getting many awards at the awards ceremony. Some time I thought I could get used to them going to school, but there was always that little voice inside of me thinking otherwise. The next year we just continued and dd #2 started first grade. DD #1 continued to do really well while #2 was struggling big time (we may think she's dislexic and will be getting her check out). Half way through the year both dd's were exhausted of the routine and started saying they wanted to come home. I would give little speeches about how life wasn't easy (I didn't want to push my want to HS on them), some days that worked other times it didn't. When spring break came we talked about them staying home and decided from then on that they would finish up the year. The oldest ended up on the honor roll, student of the year, 1st place in the Science, the point I'm trying to make is that there is a good chance your girls will excell in PS. All in all dd #1 says, "If you ask me about what I learned this pass year I wouldn't know what to tell you".

 

I think it's a good option when the family is struggling with some issues, health, work , financial. When you catch your breath you can see if HS'ing is still a good option when things normalize and go back to it, nothing is written in stone.

 

Wish you and your girls the best.

 

Michelle

[Robin Hood]

The way you describe it sounds close to "empty nest", but not quite. What a huge change for your family. Things will fall into place but I hope what doesn't change is that you keep coming here and posting. You're too dog gone sweet, funny, practical, kind, informative, nice, etc, to not "see" you anymore. I like reading your stuff.

[Tammyla]

:grouphug:I'll send out some prayers for a peaceful transition.:grouphug:

[WTMindy]

:grouphug::grouphug:

Although I have no advice to offer, please know that I am lifting you up in prayer as you embark on this new phase!!! This has been a long process for your family and I am confident that God will continue leading you as he has done so far!!

 

But, whatever you do......do NOT leave us!!!!!!!!!

[Denisemomof4]

Doran,

 

Your post really shows the sadness you have over this decision. Anguish, really. And I understand. I cried for weeks before my kids entered school. And they did better than I thought they would.

 

One thing I want you to remember is that NO DECISION IS FINAL. If it doesn't work out with them in school, rethink your decision. Nothing is permanent.

 

I put my kids in school, only to bring my girls home again after 2 years, my oldest son will be dual enrolled next year, my younger son will go to school for now. He knows what will ruin that, mainly attitude.

 

Please take comfort in knowing that no decision is final. If it doesn't work, bring them back home.

 

Blessings,

Denise

[LisaNY]

(((Doran))) I feel your pain.

 

We had to send our oldest dd to ps two years ago. It was definitely not in our plans, but it ended up being the best thing for her. I won't go into all of the details, but I will just share that hs'ing was becoming a detriment to her well-being. She needed to get out there. She has done *extremely* well - and she is MUCH happier.

 

Our youngest dd, seeing how much fun her older sister is having, wants to go to ps in 10th gr. as well. *sniff* My hs'ing journey will be over in two years, and my heart is heavy.

 

I work from home right now, but I will probably enter the work force outside of our home once my younger dd goes to school.

 

Doran, I know exactly how you feel when you talk about lifes changes coming so quickly, and feeling ill-prepared to take them all on. Sometimes I want to shout, "Wait! Wait! Wait! Give me a minute to catch my breath!"

I'm experiencing so many sweeping changes in my life right now. Maybe it's because I'm in my 40's that the changes are causing such upheaval for me.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, (((Doran)))

Please, please keep in touch here. I don't know you IRL, but I am certain that if I did, it would be a blessing to me. :001_smile: (Especially because I think you're a riot! LOL)

[Doran]

Doran,

 

Your post really shows the sadness you have over this decision. Anguish, really. And I understand. I cried for weeks before my kids entered school. And they did better than I thought they would.

 

One thing I want you to remember is that NO DECISION IS FINAL. If it doesn't work out with them in school, rethink your decision. Nothing is permanent.

 

I put my kids in school, only to bring my girls home again after 2 years, my oldest son will be dual enrolled next year, my younger son will go to school for now. He knows what will ruin that, mainly attitude.

 

Please take comfort in knowing that no decision is final. If it doesn't work, bring them back home.

 

Blessings,

Denise

 

 

I am trying to keep this in mind. I am mostly anxious for my youngest who struggles academically. I feel like I'm offering her up to a tank of sharks. But, others who know us well tell me that they believe our kids, will do just fine. Maybe even especially the youngest because she thrives on organization. Just last night (although this isn't academic related), I had asked her and her big sis to clean up their closet (shared room). Big sis went out on her own for a bit and said she'd do the closet when she came back. Little sis determined to tackled the whole thing on her own. When I peeked in to find her hard at work folding her sister's clothes, I said, "You don't need to do your sister's work." Her reply? "I know. I'm bored. This gives me something to do." It's just who she is.

 

So, we'll see. And, yes Denise, you're exactly right. This year doesn't have to mean the rest of their school years any more than when we decided to homeschool it meant we'd do that forever. We've homeschooled for eight years because it's worked. If this doesn't, at least we can go back to what we know works! I think I'll still be anguished over the initial transition. It's like putting your kid on the bus in kindergarten...except they're big! ;)

 

But, oh how unbelievably fortunate we've been to have had this experience! I never dreamed we'd be able to homeschool because I assumed I'd have to leave home to work when the kids were tiny. Daycare even seemed the likely path for us. But, then the farming thing came in for us, taught us lessons we'd never have learned otherwise, and gave us our kids at home for eight years. I have been truly blessed.