How do you motivate your children to do their schoolwork when it comes from Mom?

[kaymom]

This will be our first year home out of PS. My son is a perfect paula (paul) student at school and would never think to question his teacher, but at home it's a different story. I want some veteran advice as to how to make the transition from mom to educator? I was thinking of having my son call me by my last name :001_smile:

[Parrothead]

I've heard of the family that sends the kids out the front door with kisses from mom to just walk around the house to enter the back door and be met by Mrs. Smith (aka mom). It works for them.

 

What works for me is maintaining a peaceful setting in the house. We are polite and try really really hard to talk about things in a polite and kind manner. I refuse to argue with a child.

 

If behavior is bad enough consequences follow. For dd that generally means grounding of some kind.

[Walking-Iris]

Honestly you're still mom. Most of us don't put on a teacher hat. Just think about it like you did when you helped him with homework, or toilet training, or when you taught him how to do some chore or ride a bike or work in the yard or tie his shoes. That's the same feeling you'll bring to learning long division.

 

As far as questioning you---there's going to be some of that. If you find some way to make your kid cheerfully do everything you ask him to do all year---please share it with us! ;)

[FO4UR]

I've had talks about how I choose and organize their work, cutting the busywork and focusing on the skills they need. I've had talks about what they want to do when they grow up...and how their work now will lead to them being able to do what they want to do in the future. These talks are good to have. It is, afterall, *his* education and not yours.

 

 

That said, in the day-to-day grind there are daily expectations and consequences. Let him see a daily plan. Let him see the fun things go bye-bye when his work isn't done. (But, make sure you are asking a reasonable amount of work. 1 hour of diligent seatwork per grade-level is my guide. If it's taking longer than that, reduce the amount of daily work.)

 

 

 

Just yesterday, ds9 had a rough day and didn't get through a whole day's worth of LA. He was *very* upset.:001_huh: I figured out that it is b/c he was worried that one off day would mess up his "Promotion to Fourth Grade" this summer...and thus, the rest of his life.:tongue_smilie::lol: We talked about how one bad day in string of good days won't mess up your entire life (or a Promotion to Fourth Grade). So he really has taken our talks to heart, even though I still have to make him finish his schoolwork before other fun activities.

 

 

I don't think you need to step out of your mom role to gain respect. I think it's important to demand that respect as mom.

[Hunter]

For me, with my children in the past, and currently with my tutoring students, this runs so much deeper than teaching. SO much deeper. It has to do with my relationship in general with these people, and the relationships with other people that these people observe. And how I view myself, and the body language I'm presenting ALL the time, not just when I am teaching.

 

And that's all I'm going to comment for now. Because I've been thinking a LOT about this lately, and don't really have any answers, just things I am trying out. There are shortcuts we can take in the meantime, but...to REALLY deal head on with this, I think it starts in respecting ourselves and setting boundaries in general.

 

I know, I know, if I talk or link to the Declaration of Human Rights one more time, there are people here who are going to scream at their computer moniter, in frustration. But...

[Hunter]

 

I don't think you need to step out of your mom role to gain respect. I think it's important to demand that respect as mom.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[wintermom]

How old is your son? How involved have you been with helping with homework, sports, music, religion, etc.? Do you have an established "teacher/student" relationship already in other parts of your daily life?

 

If your son is upper elementary or higher, I would have a completely different approach than a younger child. For the older student, I'd be more an advisor/consultant/encourager working together with my child to find out their areas of interest, needs, and preferred types of learning materials.

 

For a younger child, it would probably be much different. I'd need to have a stronger role in teaching content and choosing curriculum and materials.

 

In either scenario, I think a de-schooling period has recommended by other moms who have gone through this. Each year in school would equal about a month of de-schooling to relax and figure out the direction and method you and your child want to go forward with.

 

I think for any homeschooling mom, whether their children have been in ps or not, having clear expectations of work required by the student, and the role of the parent, are really helpful. For example, have a goal for number of pages or time limit per subject each day or each week. Allow the child some control and flexibility in choosing subject order, place to work, etc. Communicate openly with each other about how things are going for both the student and the parent, and make adjustments when needed.

Edited May 16, 2012 by tmoan

[lillybell]

The key for me to get my kids motivated about their work, ended up being curriculum selection. I had to study my kids to see what worked for them. If there is a subject that they did not seem enthusiastic about learning, I switch gears and look for something that might keep their interest. If we are far into the curriculum for that year, I will add some projects and change it a little. This keeps them motivated and I don't have to push so much. I try to keep a mix of different types of activities in each subject so they don't get bored with it.

[ondreeuh]

I am a fairly relaxed parent - I guide, but don't micromanage. I wish I were a little more strict, but that's not my personality. This has made it very difficult to motivate my teen. She knows that if I remind her to do the dishes, she can do them now, or later, and if she forgets then I will remind her again. She forgets CONSTANTLY because she is ADD and very scatter-brained.

 

I am absolutely sick of nagging her about schoolwork! I am only "in charge" of her Spanish, thank goodness. I had given her a million tools to learn to manage her own time, and she knew she would have to pay me back the $400 for the class if she got less than a B, but she was still falling further and further behind.

 

I ended up buying one of those giant calendars from an office supply store, and I hung it up on the wall near her room, in easy view. I rescheduled her remaining assignments and wrote them on the calendar, circling the quizzes and tests. I told her that on the days she has a quiz and test, I will give her the password and she must take it that day. If she falls behind, she will take the quiz/test regardless.

 

This has led to a couple of really resentful situations where she is mad at me for making her take a test she wasn't ready for, when she just wanted to go to bed, but she can't really argue about it. She is doing MUCH better at keeping herself on task. I don't worry about when she does the assignments, only the quizzes and tests. She has to do two lessons a day, and I HOPE this is a good lesson about why procrastination hurts.

 

I worked with her teacher at school to do the same thing for her math and science tests. Her school lets the students work at their own pace, but that system fails ALL of them because none of them are self-motivated or organized enough for that to work. She just needs deadlines. I hope someday she won't, but at 16 I am willing to do that for her.

[redsquirrel]

I think everyone has given you good advice. Just remember there will be bad days. It happens to all of us. Don't let it throw you. Don't think there is anything especially difficult happening for you because you didn't start off homeschooling.

 

One thing I like about homeschooling, it really does sort of wear off all those rough edges of your relationship. If you are going to work together you both have to adjust.

[RootAnn]

My kids have never gone to public school, but I know we struggle with this in general. Instilling respect for parents is an on-going challenge with our kids.

 

And, unfortunately, there is a big difference in teaching a child who really wants to learn to ride a bike without training wheels to do so & teaching a child long division who really doesn't want to learn it. Motivation is a factor.

 

We definitely use consequences - positive & negative. Tough love is pretty tough in this house. (Just ask dd#2 right now ....)

 

I am a big believer in making sure your kid shows respect & obeys right away. My kids aren't yet big believers in those ideas. :tongue_smilie:

[ktgrok]

Well, how do you motivate your kids to do chores, go to bed, take a shower, etc? Schoolwork is no different. If they don't listen to you for the other stuff I'd suggest taking the summer to work on it. If they do, then you shouldn't have a problem. I did have my son question me a few times, but showing him the teacher's manual fixed that. Turns out I wasn't making things up, lol. I do sometimes remind him that he wouldn't talk to any other adult that way, and I deserve just as much respect.

[Kathryn]

Honestly you're still mom. Most of us don't put on a teacher hat. Just think about it like you did when you helped him with homework, or toilet training, or when you taught him how to do some chore or ride a bike or work in the yard or tie his shoes. That's the same feeling you'll bring to learning long division.

 

As far as questioning you---there's going to be some of that. If you find some way to make your kid cheerfully do everything you ask him to do all year---please share it with us! ;)

 

I don't think you need to step out of your mom role to gain respect. I think it's important to demand that respect as mom.

 

My kids have never gone to public school, but I know we struggle with this in general. Instilling respect for parents is an on-going challenge with our kids.

 

And, unfortunately, there is a big difference in teaching a child who really wants to learn to ride a bike without training wheels to do so & teaching a child long division who really doesn't want to learn it. Motivation is a factor.

 

We definitely use consequences - positive & negative. Tough love is pretty tough in this house. (Just ask dd#2 right now ....)

 

I am a big believer in making sure your kid shows respect & obeys right away. My kids aren't yet big believers in those ideas. :tongue_smilie:

 

Well, how do you motivate your kids to do chores, go to bed, take a shower, etc? Schoolwork is no different. If they don't listen to you for the other stuff I'd suggest taking the summer to work on it. If they do, then you shouldn't have a problem. I did have my son question me a few times, but showing him the teacher's manual fixed that. Turns out I wasn't making things up, lol. I do sometimes remind him that he wouldn't talk to any other adult that way, and I deserve just as much respect.

 

:iagree: You don't need to create some sort of mom/teacher dichotomy, you need to work on respect and obedience in general. In our home, "schoolwork" is just another part of the day and I expect the same level of compliance that I do in other areas. If he doesn't give that, there are consequences. Usually, that means time alone in his room for both of us to have a break and then we're fine to move on after reviewing what's expected. I expect a good attitude and effort, not every answer right on the first try. Attitude is much more important to me.

[kaymom]

Thanks for all of the good advice. He is a good kid and does obey most of the time. I have taught him plenty, at home and at church in a Sunday school setting. We already read together most nights and have bible study together every morning. I just know that there is an attitude that creeps in if he feels like he has to work too hard! And his definition of too hard might vary greatly from mine :001_smile:

[Sherriag]

WOW!! This is a question for all, I think!! GOOD LUCK!!

[wintermom]

Thanks for all of the good advice. He is a good kid and does obey most of the time. I have taught him plenty, at home and at church in a Sunday school setting. We already read together most nights and have bible study together every morning. I just know that there is an attitude that creeps in if he feels like he has to work too hard! And his definition of too hard might vary greatly from mine :001_smile:

 

I know that attidude well! There are times when I ignore it and we just move on, and times when I talk with my child about what exactly is too hard. Sometimes I'll ask my dh to look at the work, and he may say it actually is quite hard. The child will still have to do it, with the help they need, but acknowledging that difficulty can be really freeing for the child.

[Mama2Many4]

My children don't consider me their "teacher" in the sense of me only being the educator. I am the mother who happens to keep them with me and educate them always. If your son is not respectful of you, then I would work on habit training and discipline with him before any school work. He needs to be listening to you in all things before he'll listen to you on school work.

[duckens]

Find the balance between when to work and when to take a break. That is a tricky judgment for every child. My child is 5, so the expectation is different than if she was 15yo.

 

For example, yesterday, dd didn't want to do any more schoolwork. Then she went to her bed and promptly fell asleep for a 2+ hour nap. Hmmm.....no wonder she didn't want to do any more work.

 

Likewise, dd earns a privilege (tv time) after a set amount of work is done. For our family, what works is for me to divide her work into 10 parts. She earns 30 minutes of tv after 4 parts are done; then after 3 parts; then after 2; then after 1. If she turns in her time during the day, it must be educational tv. If she waits until daddy comes home, she can watch junk (Spongebob, Pokemon, whatever cartoons she found from the library).

 

During "break," I move the laundry along, offer a snack to the kids, prep supper early in the day, or get the next lesson supplies ready.

 

The intensive, time consuming, and most important lessons are done in the early sections (Saxon Math, Saxon Phonics.....). Easy stuff (like some "rhyming word families" and "sight word worksheets" and Explode the Code) are saved for the end of the day; by then dd just needs to do a few extra worksheets to gain an extra hour of tv.

 

Also: In spite of allowing dd to nap when she feels she needs extra rest, it IS important to work every day. When we miss a several days of schoolwork in a row, we have a battle to get back in the swing of things.

 

Likewise, if dd dinks around too much on lessons early in the day, I make her work past breaktime and save her tv time for later. We especially do this if the baby is sleeping.

[PhotoGal]

I had the same concern a year ago right before we started homeschooling. At the time, it seemed like ds didn't want to learn anything from me (even everyday stuff like tying shoes). It has gone MUCH better than I expected (and it is much easier than it was last year trying to get him to do homework).

 

Part of it is that we do most things in the morning when ds is at his best. Also, he is generally more well rested and less stressed. I also think it helps that we have a dedicated space to work that is just for homeschooling. We also have a general schedule so he knows what to expect.

 

This is not to say that everything goes easily, but it is much easier than I thought it would be!

[PeterPan]

Thanks for all of the good advice. He is a good kid and does obey most of the time. I have taught him plenty, at home and at church in a Sunday school setting. We already read together most nights and have bible study together every morning. I just know that there is an attitude that creeps in if he feels like he has to work too hard! And his definition of too hard might vary greatly from mine :001_smile:

 

Well I must have missed some excitement, if Hunter is linking people to the Child's Declaration of Human Rights, lol! :lol: Anyways, I'll ditto everyone on it beginning with relationship (which you have), continuing with respect (which you're working on), and then tell you that it comes full circle when you give *him* a voice in the process. I bolded part of what you said and want to challenge you to flip this. You WANT to know his definition of too hard. You WANT to know what's going on. COMMUNICATION and making this a two way street will help immensely. It's not that he's going to take over. Like some of the others said, sometimes you have a kid with ADHD and executive function issues who isn't going to take over everything (for a while yet) and might need a lot of extra hand-holding and structure and guidance. But whatever's going on, you WANT to know. His cause is your cause; his beef is your beef.

 

There's two sides to that coin. Obviously when you talk with them it opens up in their mind this idea of negotiability or the ability to plow over mom. That doesn't work, but there are ways to do it and still stay in control. You're eliciting his feedback so you can make better decisions. Word it carefully and then take the plunge and see what you get. We've had threads on this here on the boards, and some people are very creative! They'll do a once a year planning outing where they actually sit down in a coffee shop or whatever and talk things through with the dc. Or they use a written system to eliminate the rash, verbal, or argumentative stuff. I just tend to talk with my dd and ask her for feedback. Whatever fits your situation works.

 

If he's coming out of school with some problems (unidentified ADHD, vision, whatever), your hard work isn't going to ride over that and smooth it out. He is who he is. So if his comments were trying to hint to you that something is going on, you want to dig there and find out.

 

Don't know the age/grade of your dc, but Debra Bell's book on high school has a great section on junior high and beginning a discussion process that helps them find their goals and work toward them rather than it being all us and top-down. So that's something to look for, the junior high chapters in that book.

 

You're going to be fine. If you want a laugh, I'll just suggest to you that whatever you're most worried about now is NOT the thing that's going to be your biggest problem 4 or 5 months from now. :D You'll figure things out and work it out the hard way. You're going to be FINE!

[kaymom]

Well I must have missed some excitement, if Hunter is linking people to the Child's Declaration of Human Rights, lol! :lol: Anyways, I'll ditto everyone on it beginning with relationship (which you have), continuing with respect (which you're working on), and then tell you that it comes full circle when you give *him* a voice in the process. I bolded part of what you said and want to challenge you to flip this. You WANT to know his definition of too hard. You WANT to know what's going on. COMMUNICATION and making this a two way street will help immensely. It's not that he's going to take over. Like some of the others said, sometimes you have a kid with ADHD and executive function issues who isn't going to take over everything (for a while yet) and might need a lot of extra hand-holding and structure and guidance. But whatever's going on, you WANT to know. His cause is your cause; his beef is your beef.

 

There's two sides to that coin. Obviously when you talk with them it opens up in their mind this idea of negotiability or the ability to plow over mom. That doesn't work, but there are ways to do it and still stay in control. You're eliciting his feedback so you can make better decisions. Word it carefully and then take the plunge and see what you get. We've had threads on this here on the boards, and some people are very creative! They'll do a once a year planning outing where they actually sit down in a coffee shop or whatever and talk things through with the dc. Or they use a written system to eliminate the rash, verbal, or argumentative stuff. I just tend to talk with my dd and ask her for feedback. Whatever fits your situation works.

 

If he's coming out of school with some problems (unidentified ADHD, vision, whatever), your hard work isn't going to ride over that and smooth it out. He is who he is. So if his comments were trying to hint to you that something is going on, you want to dig there and find out.

 

Don't know the age/grade of your dc, but Debra Bell's book on high school has a great section on junior high and beginning a discussion process that helps them find their goals and work toward them rather than it being all us and top-down. So that's something to look for, the junior high chapters in that book.

 

You're going to be fine. If you want a laugh, I'll just suggest to you that whatever you're most worried about now is NOT the thing that's going to be your biggest problem 4 or 5 months from now. :D You'll figure things out and work it out the hard way. You're going to be FINE!

 

My son is almost 10. He'll be in 4th grade. Thank you for your thoughts, I loved how you told me to give him a voice. I think that's great advice. I have let him pick some of the things we are using. He knows we are going to have a schedule because we've talked about it, but I like the idea of letting him choose what he's doing when. Thanks!

[khall]

If your son is upper elementary or higher, I would have a completely different approach than a younger child. For the older student, I'd be more an advisor/consultant/encourager working together with my child to find out their areas of interest, needs, and preferred types of learning.

:iagree:

It's so interesting to read the different advice you've been given, while looking at the ages of the children that the people giving advice actually have! Most of the people telling you that it's a character issue, and you must find a way to make the child respect you and do as you say, have younger children.

 

I love the advice that I quoted above. It's natural development for a child to start questioning mom's authority/teaching ability/intelligence! as they hit the preteen years, and everything goes so much more smoothly if you become guidance counselor/advisor, and not all knowing teacher.

 

Kids are supposed to question their parents, or authority in general, as they hit those middle school years. It's part of becoming independent thinkers (that's how you know they're ready for logic stage work :D). Becoming their partner in their education gives the child ownership of their work.

[Hunter]

:iagree:

It's so interesting to read the different advice you've been given, while looking at the ages of the children that the people giving advice actually have! Most of the people telling you that it's a character issue, and you must find a way to make the child respect you and do as you say, have younger children.

 

I love the advice that I quoted above. It's natural development for a child to start questioning mom's authority/teaching ability/intelligence! as they hit the preteen years, and everything goes so much more smoothly if you become guidance counselor/advisor, and not all knowing teacher.

 

Kids are supposed to question their parents, or authority in general, as they hit those middle school years. It's part of becoming independent thinkers (that's how you know they're ready for logic stage work :D). Becoming their partner in their education gives the child ownership of their work.

 

Yes, this is true, but there is a necessary respect needed for moms/women. My boys are now in their 20s, not little ones, and I taught Sunday School and youth groups, so am not unfamiliar with teenagers. In this country we have made less progress in female human rights than for any other marginalized group. It's a rare family where children are not seeing their mom marginalized in some way. Every day they are observing cues that reinforce the idea that women--and moms especially--are in some way inferior to men and to children, and are supposed to be more of a facilitator of the important people, rather than being an individual of full worth.

 

Our home was an extreme, but in no way a rare occurrence. When my teenaged boys were disobeying me enough to cause disruption, I remember my husband telling them to do what I said, because he had left me as his spokesperson, and to disobey me was to disobey him. My husband saw me as an extension of himself on his good days and as an expendable battery on his bad days. I was a possession to be used, and a stand in. I had no intrinsic worth of my own. And the greater community around us, picked up on this from my husband and birth family and church. My boys had almost no exposure to watching people from outside our small circle, treat me differently.

 

I only use this as an example, because extremes work well as examples. But the dynamic that went on in my home, happens frequently in other families, in a less extreme manner. The cues the children are receiving, are nation wide, not just from their dads and extended families.

 

I am not a proponent of women's rights. I am a proponent of HUMAN rights. I believe ALL humans were created equal and FULLY human.

 

When we demand that those around us treat us as being fully human, and when we treat EVERYONE around us as intrinsically worthy and fully human, it starts to gradually cause people to treat us better.

 

Moms are born as unique and special INDIVIDUALS, and NOT as FACILITATORS of more important people.

 

Boys often start to rebel against female authority, because they are being taught it is inferior authority. They do not believe this inferior authority figure to be of full worth or to have the necessary expertise to tell their more important selves what to do.

 

Female discrimination is often a VERY, VERY subtle thing, but...it IS there, and the degree of subtleness doesn't always make it any less damaging. And it makes it so much harder to identify and fight against.

 

This subtle nationwide marginalizing of women--and certain other groups-- affects us all every day, when we interact with individuals. I have found the best way to get people to respect ME is to teach GENERAL human rights. After awhile those that interact with me, get the message that if ALL people are worthy, then I must be too.

 

Here are some videos. They can be a little too UN focused, but make a quick easy introduction. I believe in the IDEA of Human Rights, not the ENFORCEMENT of them. Just like there were many Christians, who didn't support the Crusades. I don't like the UN focus here.

Edited May 17, 2012 by Hunter

[khall]

Ummmmmm.....I said parents in general, not Mom specific. The OP is looking for ways to engage and motivate a child on the verge of becoming an independent thinker. I'm not sure how info on feminism is helpful.

[EMS83]

Good luck! There's a happy medium there--there can be respectful, open, and honest communication (that includes disagreements). Susan Wise Bauer points out in The Well Trained Mind that you can't teach a child who will not obey you. I think it's definitely possible (if difficult) to balance authority with relationship. If you are a Christian, then you have a great example of that balance at your fingertips! Just keep in mind that He has all of human history to fill that role and we've only got 18-20 years.

 

On a practical note, I intend to not lecture as teachers do. I try to convey needed skills and information side-by-side at the kitchen table. Much of our content information will come from books that we can read together, or they can read to me, or we can read separately and then compare notes. That's the theory for now, anyway. I'm allowing for morphing.

[Hunter]

Ummmmmm.....I said parents in general, not Mom specific. The OP is looking for ways to engage and motivate a child on the verge of becoming an independent thinker. I'm not sure how info on feminism is helpful.

 

This is the question. "How do you motivate your children to do their schoolwork when it comes from Mom?" Emphasis is mine.

 

YOU said "parents" not the OP.

[kaymom]

Wow, this really got off on a tangent but I guess that's what forums are for. I appreciate all of the good advice. I grew up in a feminist household and it's pretty ugly in the opposite extreme. I think that we are working hard on teaching them respect in general, which seems to be an upward battle when most of their peers are allowed to call me (by their parents) by my first name even though I don't allow that. Anyway, thanks again for the advice and I think I've definitely gotten some thoughts to use as we go forward!

[umsami]

As you mentioned that your son is 10, one thing that really helps with my boys is having a 50 minute (or less) work time followed by 10-15 minutes of physical activity. For me, that's the carrot that works the best and makes it easiest for them to do things. If it's a less favorite subject, then the work period might be less...but I'll say something like, "OK, I need 20 minutes of real focus on Arabic, and then we're going to go for a bike ride." Sometimes I throw in a Leslie Sansone DVD and walk a mile or two and the kids walk with me (they think it's hilarious to do "Mom's exercise.") Sometimes I use Wii as the carrot.

 

Some days you just have to realize it's not going to be a good day and decide to scrap it or move on. That's one advantage of a four day work schedule--you have three days to play with. So, if Tuesday is just down right horrible, you can decide to turn it into an off day and make up the work later in the week. (But be sure that your kids know that.)

 

 

I

[Hunter]

Wow, this really got off on a tangent but I guess that's what forums are for. I appreciate all of the good advice. I grew up in a feminist household and it's pretty ugly in the opposite extreme. I think that we are working hard on teaching them respect in general, which seems to be an upward battle when most of their peers are allowed to call me (by their parents) by my first name even though I don't allow that. Anyway, thanks again for the advice and I think I've definitely gotten some thoughts to use as we go forward!

 

I'm not a feminist. I just believe women are human TOO :-) I agree that GENERAL respect is the key.

 

I think you have the right to name YOURSELF. I don't believe that is their parents' call, unless you are being asked to be called something inappropriate, which you are not.

 

After I my divorce I started using my full name instead of the shortened version that I had been given by my birth family, that I had always hated. I had been brought up to believe people could call me whatever they wanted to. I do believe, that as long as we are not infringing unduly on the rights of others, we have the right to be called what we want to be called.

 

Names carry so much weight! People often try and nickname me, as a way to stamp THEIR definition on me. I am virulent in my response, sometimes. "I have decided my name is ... . Please use it, if you expect me to respond to you," is my first response, and if they insist on pressing the issue, things get downright nasty.

 

I'm sorry for getting so off topic, but for ME, student motivation is COMPLETELY intertwined with general respect, and I don't know how to untangle them, at this point in my journey.

[kaymom]

I'm sorry for getting so off topic, but for ME, student motivation is COMPLETELY intertwined with general respect, and I don't know how to untangle them, at this point in my journey.

 

I do agree with you about respect and it's something that I am trying to work on with both of my boys!

[Danielle1746]

I had the same concern a year ago right before we started homeschooling. At the time, it seemed like ds didn't want to learn anything from me (even everyday stuff like tying shoes). It has gone MUCH better than I expected (and it is much easier than it was last year trying to get him to do homework).

 

Part of it is that we do most things in the morning when ds is at his best. Also, he is generally more well rested and less stressed. I also think it helps that we have a dedicated space to work that is just for homeschooling. We also have a general schedule so he knows what to expect.

 

This is not to say that everything goes easily, but it is much easier than I thought it would be!

 

This is sooo reassuring to me! Music to my ears, really! My now-2nd grader is the main reason we will be homeschooling next year, and daily battles with him over homework or make-up work that he refused to do in class during school hours are the norm. I keep praying that the flexibility of homeschooling (catering to his learning style and interests as much as possible, working at his pace, not requiring busy work, etc.) will help make learning tolerable for him, if not fun. I am afraid that this won't be the case though, but your post gives me hope!

[Clear Creek]

This will be our first year home out of PS. My son is a perfect paula (paul) student at school and would never think to question his teacher, but at home it's a different story. I want some veteran advice as to how to make the transition from mom to educator? I was thinking of having my son call me by my last name :001_smile:

 

Sit together at the table, stack up the school books for the day, and nobody leaves the table until everything is done (except for potty breaks and a lunch break if school isn't finished before noon). It won't take long until he realizes that: #1 you mean business, and #2 it is in his best interest to do the work so he can have free time later in the day.

 

He can still call you "Mom," hugs are available on an unlimited basis, rabbit-trail discussions are always welcome, high-fives and a "You are AWESOME" are offered every time a difficult concept is grasped...but he will have no trouble seeing you as both teacher and mom.

[Pen]

My son is almost 10. He'll be in 4th grade. Thank you for your thoughts, I loved how you told me to give him a voice. I think that's great advice. I have let him pick some of the things we are using. He knows we are going to have a schedule because we've talked about it, but I like the idea of letting him choose what he's doing when. Thanks!

My son is around same age/stage and this is more or less what I am doing too. We have a schedule of how much time per subject is spent per day...with deferrals to weekend possible for some overflow. But no schedule as to exactly what time what is done...he tends to pick favorite for first thing, but could do it the opposite. There are also options such as art or music can be chosen. History or science can be chosen, sort of like electives in school idea. The 3 Rs must be done, however, there is some choice as to what curriculum (or no curriculum) for the 3 R's. No foreign language is now being done, but that may change next year, we'll see--but he will have some say in it. In good weather work can be done outside. In the winter some was done by candlelight.

 

If he gets too ornery and I cannot work with him, work can be shifted to a time when it is possible.

 

We started a book called Careers for Kids Who Like ______. (DS chose art, but it has other options in the series). Intended for age 10 and up, it helps shift some of the idea of what mom says to do, to what is needed for life. It also helps to be able to point to things that used not to be liked, but after work and getting better at them are now enjoyable.

[Mommy22alyns]

 

I don't think you need to step out of your mom role to gain respect. I think it's important to demand that respect as mom.

 

 

Highly, highly, highly agree.

[talantine]

This will be our first year home out of PS. My son is a perfect paula (paul) student at school and would never think to question his teacher, but at home it's a different story. I want some veteran advice as to how to make the transition from mom to educator? I was thinking of having my son call me by my last name :001_smile:

I started homeschooling my son for 5th grade this year after pulling him from public school. I agree that teaching him is MUCH easier than doing homework with him was. He is not the easiest, most compliant child - he can be challenging, but he is pretty good about getting his work done.

When it was doing homework, it was after school, after being in a place for 6.5 hours that he didn't like, and practicing what he really didn't need to practice.

Now we go at his proper pace. He doesn't have to do busy work. If he complains about his work, I ask him to help me research what curriculum he might prefer.

I have a schedule of what he needs to do each day. If he doesn't get it done, he will have to work in the evenings. There are consequences for not getting work done like missing scouts or baseball.

I do have to redirect him frequently, but he gets back on task. And on the days he really seems out of sorts, I reschedule his work (all of my schedules are in pencil!) letting him know why is is being rescheduled.

I love that I am his mom teaching him and I want him to see me as mom, not Mrs. SoandSo. My teacher role is just an extention of the mom role I already play - not something separate.

[Chrysalis Academy]

threaten to send him back to ps? ;)

 

Seriously, I have no problem busting out the "I am giving up my time/interests/work/ etc. to teach you, and this bs will not fly here." I don't actually threaten to send her back, but I do remind her, when she grumbles about doing her work or meeting my expectations, what the alternative is.

 

I do think it is very, very important that kids learn, from an early age, that their parents are human beings, with needs, desires, moods, interests, feelings, whatever, that have *absolutely nothing* to do with that child! So many kids see their parents as apendages/providers/atms, or whatever, only, and not as people. This is natural when they are tiny, but I do expect and deserve respect, as an independent being myself with my own needs, and I also point out to them when I am giving up my own time/needs/interests/etc. for their sake. It is good for them to know. And appreciate. Not to guilt-trip, but to feel appreciation, just like you or I would for someone who makes a sacrifice for us.

[icul8rg8r]

Just wanted to chime in to say thank you, ladies, for all your input ... like the original poster, I, too, have been struggling with the same problem and will be trying out some of the suggestions. My kids do call me "teacher" when we're homeschooling!

[Tanikit]

My LO is still a bit little so I do not always expect her to do everything and if she resists then we put the work away (she's only 4.5). However, I see homeschooling as just a part of life - I expect my child to have a bath when I tell her to, go to bed at a bed time I have chosen, put her shoes on before going out so when it comes to homeschooling I would expect her to do what is required of her in a similar manner. And yes some days she does get to argue about bed time - last night she managed to negotiate sleeping in our bed even, so the same would apply to school work too and there would be some room for negotiation and discussion. Obviously as she ages she would get to make more of the decisions. Right now giving her a choice: Do you want to do Math or Reading now? seems to work well - she knows she has to do the other later but she still has a choice right now.