Lizzie in Ma Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 none of my kids would have attended a party that involved an overnight at a hotel. i just can't see that ending well. (the elders are 28 and 25 now). and if i was concerned about the questions you listed, no one at home now would be going either. some things are fraught with peril, and hotel parties are one of them. mall parties are another. sorry. ann Sorry, me too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs_JWM Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 It's 9:02 Eastern time! What's the scoop?!! Where's your daughter? Did the mom ever call back? People are wondering here, and it's like you're busy with stuff in real life and you haven't updated us! ;) Adding my vote that this situation would make me worry, too - but I love the idea of cell phone SOS codes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 (edited) It's 9:02 Eastern time! What's the scoop?!! Where's your daughter? Did the mom ever call back? People are wondering here, and it's like you're busy with stuff in real life and you haven't updated us! ;) Adding my vote that this situation would make me worry, too - but I love the idea of cell phone SOS codes! Add me to the Nosy List! I can't wait to find out what happened. Am I the only one who's secretly wondering if she kept her dd home... and then went to the party herself? ;) :D Edited January 15, 2012 by Catwoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotAVampireLvr Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 My child would not be going. I think it would be difficult for her to do the mall part and then have to leave "because mom won't let me stay". Socially it might be easier to not go at all... and do something else that night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 This has been an interesting thread though -- I've always wondered the thinking behind having such a party, and why parents let their kids go. So this was an interesting look at that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jallison25 Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 just wanted to say that my mom had several of these types of parties for me when i was a teenager. My birthday is in december, so it was always fun to go swimming in the winter. We always had 5-8 girls come. We all stayed in one hotel room WITH my mom. One room. We just crammed in. It was not co-ed. But it was a blast! No alcohol ever! Sometimes these kinds of parties can be ok!!!! Hope you and your daughter figured out what was best for you both! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHowell Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 Add me to the curious list!! Is she there?! I might have let dd go, depending on the conversation with the other mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Running the race Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 Waiting to hear how this all turned out... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 none of my kids would have attended a party that involved an overnight at a hotel. i just can't see that ending well. (the elders are 28 and 25 now). and if i was concerned about the questions you listed, no one at home now would be going either. some things are fraught with peril, and hotel parties are one of them. mall parties are another. sorry. ann :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 just wanted to say that my mom had several of these types of parties for me when i was a teenager. My birthday is in december, so it was always fun to go swimming in the winter. We always had 5-8 girls come. We all stayed in one hotel room WITH my mom. One room. We just crammed in. It was not co-ed. But it was a blast! No alcohol ever! Sometimes these kinds of parties can be ok!!!! Hope you and your daughter figured out what was best for you both! That sounds like the way to do it! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 I will likely be the odd man out, but as I do not know the other parent personally (not to mention the venue - yikes!), and I am already uneasy because of the facebook posts of the parties involved, I would GENTLY make other plans for my daughter (ie she wouldn't be going to the party - no questions asked of the mother).I would make alternative, fun plans with my daughter, and suggest that she host a 5-10 girl slumber party AT OUR HOME a couple weeks later. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolamum Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 After tonight why not make a rule.. a weeks notice or more per invite or it's an automatic no from us except under "special" circumstances.. You know, "special" as in.. "Ohmy goodness best friend who moved away is in town for only TWO days and we JUST found out and I SO want to hang out with her.." ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 :lurk5::lurk5::lurk5: I hope everything went well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 So curious now. I didn't read this thread until last night and didn't post since the party would have been over by then. But all I could think was that I make a mean mom because my first and only response would be "h*ll no! are you crazy? of course you are not going to a party at a hotel!" I am curious as to how the OP handled things, what really happened at the party etc. I am also trying to figure out if this is what my future holds with the kids. My oldest turns 14 next fall he is not thinking about co-ed mall/hotel parties, he wants to go paintballing and if not that then chuck-E-cheese lol DD wants to go get manicures with her friends for her 13th. Is it common at turning 15 or 16 to start wanting hotel parties etc? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 Bump for update!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 15, 2012 Author Share Posted January 15, 2012 (edited) Mrs_JWM;: It's 9:02 Eastern time! What's the scoop?!! Where's your daughter? Did the mom ever call back? People are wondering here, and it's like you're busy with stuff in real life and you haven't updated us! ;) I know! How dare REAL LIFE interfere with forum life. Forum life is more peaceful. No one hates me (to my knowledge) here. Adding my vote that this situation would make me worry, too - but I love the idea of cell phone SOS codes! Here's the scoop: She voluntarily agreed to come home late. I was preparing to take her when WWIII broke out because I said she should not wear pants she outgrew. They were far too tight and my concern is UTI issues, not appearance. Aside: You should have SEEN her in her bathing suit. She kind of outgrew that too, with her large breasts popping out of the top (on a very skinny 110 pounder!). She was a bit embarrassed about that, so I let it go and just laughed a little, stating that if anyone saw her, they'd tell their plastic surgeon that they want THAT. Anyway, she became extraordinarily disrespectful and I refused to drive. Things spiraled from there. Result: She stayed home. I can't believe she chose to say all the horrible things she thought to me and stay home, rather than force herself to speak respectfully and GO, but there it is. OH - and the Mom I called NEVER CALLED BACK! What the heck? I can't imagine ignoring a parent who had some questions about my party. I realize she might have been busy earlier on, but to simply not call at all? Strange. I think the right result was reached, in the wrong way! Will know for sure if I ever hear feedback on the party. "The most terrible mother in the world" signing off on this thread.:tongue_smilie: Edited January 15, 2012 by TranquilMind Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 15, 2012 Author Share Posted January 15, 2012 After tonight why not make a rule.. a weeks notice or more per invite or it's an automatic no from us except under "special" circumstances.. You know, "special" as in.. "Ohmy goodness best friend who moved away is in town for only TWO days and we JUST found out and I SO want to hang out with her.." ;) It's easy to say you have "automatic no" rules. But as they get older, it is really hard to walk a line between reasonably understanding their point of view and enforcing your waning authority. I did say I had "automatic no" rules for all kinds of things. Some of those things - but not all - have gone by the wayside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Thanks for the update -- sorry she didn't get to go to the party, but it sounds like she had it coming. Also, if she was that excited about going, I would think that she would have figured out what she was wearing and tried on her swimsuit long before last night. Sorry you had to be the Mean Mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 15, 2012 Author Share Posted January 15, 2012 My child would not be going. I think it would be difficult for her to do the mall part and then have to leave "because mom won't let me stay". Socially it might be easier to not go at all... and do something else that night. No, she would have been fine with not staying all night. Several others weren't either, for various reasons, including "Mom won't let me". She actually hates sleepovers because she cannot not get sleep. This one would have involved sleeping on the floor or not at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 It's easy to say you have "automatic no" rules. But as they get older, it is really hard to walk a line between reasonably understanding their point of view and enforcing your waning authority. I agree. Besides, some things come up at the last minute, and the "automatic no" rules can easily get in the way of a child being allowed to attend activities that would pose no problem at all, and that you would otherwise encourage. We do everything on a case-by-case basis. I know that in homes with several children, my way of doing things wouldn't be practical, but I only have one ds, so it's easier to do last-minute things without it being a nuisance for other family members. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 I can't help but think she really didn't want to go, even if just subconsciously, and that's why she behaved so abominably. It's all her stupid mom's fault, what better excuse is there? Anyway, sorry it was all so unpleasant. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 I know! How dare REAL LIFE interfere with forum life. Forum life is more peaceful. No one hates me (to my knowledge) here. You clearly need to prioritize better. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 :iagree: would not happen --I'd have to be there......sorry..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 15, 2012 Author Share Posted January 15, 2012 I can't help but think she really didn't want to go, even if just subconsciously, and that's why she behaved so abominably. It's all her stupid mom's fault, what better excuse is there? Anyway, sorry it was all so unpleasant. :grouphug: Oh, it was more than "unpleasant". It was, "I would leave for South America and come back when she was in college if I had loads of money" bad. And yes, I thought exactly the same thing and even said that if she didn't want to go, she could have just said so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 I guess the whole situation just wasn't meant to be. Maybe you'll hear more about how the party turned out when she sees her friends this week. Sorry it turned out to be a tough weekend! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 Whoa, that's pretty bad. :grouphug: Teenage girls can be really, super mean--I know I was. More :grouphug:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 15, 2012 Author Share Posted January 15, 2012 Whoa, that's pretty bad. :grouphug: Teenage girls can be really, super mean--I know I was. More :grouphug:. I thought I was too. My deeds (and 10X worse) have returned on my own head, I guess. I was an angel in comparison. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs_JWM Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 You poor thing! We all need to go to a hotel and sit in the hot tub and drink Red Cat and eat pizza and chocolate... :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 15, 2012 Author Share Posted January 15, 2012 You poor thing! We all need to go to a hotel and sit in the hot tub and drink Red Cat and eat pizza and chocolate... :grouphug: Let's go! I have had an awful weekend. Not as awful as 2 months ago when my appendix burst and I stayed home 3 more days and nearly died. But pretty bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolamum Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 It's easy to say you have "automatic no" rules. But as they get older, it is really hard to walk a line between reasonably understanding their point of view and enforcing your waning authority. I did say I had "automatic no" rules for all kinds of things. Some of those things - but not all - have gone by the wayside. :group: My parents had this rule, probably because I asked too many times on a last minute basis if friends could come spend the night. :lol: We haven't had to inflict anything like this yet for our kids. You clearly need to prioritize better. :tongue_smilie: :lol: Sorry it ended on a poor note. :( I keep trying to stick my fingers in my ears and "lala" through all the teen horror stories because my preteen has had enough "horror moments" to make me cry all ready! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Not as awful as 2 months ago when my appendix burst and I stayed home 3 more days and nearly died. If it even ranks in the top ten with "nearly died," it was definitely pretty bad. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Am I the only one who doesn't understand how you have a party at the mall? I can understand a few friends going to the mall as part of a birthday outing, but how does a big group of kids stay/walk/visit together? The malls around here would totally kick them out, lol. I agree that your dd was probably conflicted about going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadianmumof5 Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I've been thinking a lot about your dilemma since you first posted and then how it all ended. And I initially thought that if it was my DD, I would have said no way, no how, forget it, never gonna happen........and then I recalled some very, very good advice my aunt once gave me; "never judge someone whose kids are older than your oldest". I try to remember this whenever I hear of moms having issues with their pre-teen or teenage girls (or even boys for that matter). I really have no idea. Now if your kids are younger than mine, well, heck I am free to give my 2 cents anytime I like :D :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Thanks for the update -- sorry she didn't get to go to the party, but it sounds like she had it coming. Also, if she was that excited about going, I would think that she would have figured out what she was wearing and tried on her swimsuit long before last night. Sorry you had to be the Mean Mom. :iagree: Let's go! I have had an awful weekend. Not as awful as 2 months ago when my appendix burst and I stayed home 3 more days and nearly died. But pretty bad. :grouphug: Am I the only one who doesn't understand how you have a party at the mall? I can understand a few friends going to the mall as part of a birthday outing, but how does a big group of kids stay/walk/visit together? The malls around here would totally kick them out, lol. I agree that your dd was probably conflicted about going. I *think* the party was starting at an arcade in the mall, they might have a party package at the arcade. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Ugh! I'm sorry the whole thing turned so ugly on you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 CanadianMumof4: I've been thinking a lot about your dilemma since you first posted and then how it all ended. And I initially thought that if it was my DD, I would have said no way, no how, forget it, never gonna happen........and then I recalled some very, very good advice my aunt once gave me; "never judge someone whose kids are older than your oldest". No kidding! I knew it ALL when my kids were little. I Knew everything on the planet when I had only one. I was actually judgmental of a friend whose daughter started going haywire at about 14, thinking it would NEVER happen to me. Well, mine didn't do some of the things hers did, but well, never mind. At any rate, I've repented of my judgmentalism and her daughter is mostly recovered now in her late teens. I've also been judged by other Moms because their kids "would never say that". Um, ok. Well your kid might do something else or say something else horrifying. Don't be so smug yet. I don't think we can relax until they are 40 or so!:tongue_smilie: I try to remember this whenever I hear of moms having issues with their pre-teen or teenage girls (or even boys for that matter). I really have no idea. No, you really don't. And maybe you never will! You might have done things better than me or simply have a really sweet and compliant daughter. I've met people who have. I hate them (just kidding). But you will have something to deal with, somewhere along the line. Now if your kids are younger than mine, well, heck I am free to give my 2 cents anytime I like :D :tongue_smilie: Absolutely!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 :iagree: :grouphug: I *think* the party was starting at an arcade in the mall, they might have a party package at the arcade. No, I think they just wandered the mall in a group. There wasn't any schedule of any kind, from what I've uncovered so far. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 If by "gently" or "delicately", you mean find a way to ask that is not uncomfortable for both "sides", there is none. I think it's reasonable to find a way for your dd to attend this party within your family culture rules and to ask the specifics you list. Remember to keep it to this party, and not concerns about FB or sexual experimentation you've heard about. But expect the conversation to be awkward. You are having an intrusive (appropriately, but still intrusive), intimate conversation about parenting with a stranger. Weird, yes? :iagree: It sounds like you do not know the mother well enough to have confidence in her parenting ability. In that case, I'd just hang out at mall food court while my daughter was in arcade and take her home after the mall portion of party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 Ugh! I'm sorry the whole thing turned so ugly on you. Thanks. It's been a really lonely weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 If it even ranks in the top ten with "nearly died," it was definitely pretty bad. :grouphug: It probably ranks number 2 or 3. And my whole family has died. I have one brother left out of three siblings and both parents are gone and there were divorces, abandonments, alcoholics, blah blah blah in the mix. Those rank under this weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 This would be a moot issue. I would not allow my 15yo to go to the hotel portion of such a party. Perhaps the mall part would be okay, but I would be there in plenty of time to make sure I was picking him up before the party migrated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 It probably ranks number 2 or 3. And my whole family has died. I have one brother left out of three siblings and both parents are gone and there were divorces, abandonments, alcoholics, blah blah blah in the mix. Those rank under this weekend. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Yikes. I'm so sorry. If you need some comic relief, the circ thread is pretty amusing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 It probably ranks number 2 or 3. And my whole family has died. I have one brother left out of three siblings and both parents are gone and there were divorces, abandonments, alcoholics, blah blah blah in the mix. Those rank under this weekend. Gosh, I feel so bad for you and your daughter (not for her horrible words to you - but her probably feeling conflicted about the whole thing). That just stinks. Not sure what to say, but thanks for sharing this story with us. I find reading all these teen threads very eye-opening and helpful, since I'll have one myself soon. It is helpful hearing about the situation and the various responses. I know you didn't post to help US! And were looking for advice for yourself, but look how many of us were thinking this through (or not, and yelling "heck no!"), and hopefully you feel that a BUNCH of moms are standing in solidarity with you this weekend! Hope next week is better for you - it's got to be! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 No, I think they just wandered the mall in a group. There wasn't any schedule of any kind, from what I've uncovered so far. But the important question here is, before the party started, did the birthday girl's dad pull all of the boys aside to ask them whether or not they were circumcised? Oops. Wrong thread. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Yikes. I'm so sorry. If you need some comic relief' date=' the circ thread is pretty amusing![/quote'] Yeah, I'm reading it! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 Gosh, I feel so bad for you and your daughter (not for her horrible words to you - but her probably feeling conflicted about the whole thing). That just stinks. Not sure what to say, but thanks for sharing this story with us. I find reading all these teen threads very eye-opening and helpful, since I'll have one myself soon. It is helpful hearing about the situation and the various responses. I know you didn't post to help US! And were looking for advice for yourself, but look how many of us were thinking this through (or not, and yelling "heck no!"), and hopefully you feel that a BUNCH of moms are standing in solidarity with you this weekend! Hope next week is better for you - it's got to be! :grouphug: Yes, we can only go up from here! Thanks! It's nice to know someone somewhere stands with me. Earlier I was looking at Youtube to see if any parents taped their kids in action on a screamfest. Just wanting to know I'm not alone. Um, NO....it was mostly teens who taped parents, and NOT until the parents lost it! Many parents commented, "Hey, I want to know what the kid did right before he turned on the tape and acted so reasonable while Mom was losing it." I could relate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 But the important question here is, before the party started, did the birthday girl's dad pull all of the boys aside to ask them whether or not they were circumcised? Oops. Wrong thread. :D LOL. And, um, you must have missed an earlier detail....there was no DAD at the party. It was Mom and her partner, a woman. Maybe they asked anyway? Dunno. Not a very Gothardy scenario.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 LOL. And, um, you must have missed an earlier detail....there was no DAD at the party. It was Mom and her partner, a woman. Maybe they asked anyway? Dunno. Not a very Gothardy scenario.... Oops. I forgot that part. Maybe there's a kindly old grandpa? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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